Reading Reviews for Accidental Apparition
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Mrs Ravenclaus Destination Destination Destination

15th December 2013:
Deck the halls with boughs of holly! I feel as if I need to do a Christmassy intro every time :P

Your nervous and stressed out Lily had me laughing away so much! I thought you wrote her really well, and it was a lovely contrast to the usually measured person we tend to see. It was almost comedic how everything was going wrong for her with the way she was dealing with Filch and then seeing Snape. I really did have to feel for her because all of those things happening on a day like that must not have been pleasant!

Bahaha then the James and Lily moment was perfect! You really write all of their little moments so well, and each one leaves me chuckling away more and more. Hint hint, if thereís another chapter of Allergic to Fun posted soon you will have a ready-made fan girl waiting to squeal at the two of them :P

I felt so proud of when she managed to apparate because I honestly thought she wasnít going to make it with all that anxiety caught up inside of her, so the twist with her ending up at the beach was really great and fitted with the House Cup prompt brilliantly. Her opening description and movements of pure relaxation were great and a perfect way to recover from the stress of earlier.

Plot twist! I totally didnít expect James to go and turn up there! Even if it was slightly stalkerish of him to follow her around Hogsmeade and then to the other side of the world, it was rather cute too because I did genuinely believe that James was worried about where on earth she had ended up. I love the way they went from trying to figure out where on earth they were to flirting away with one another with all that water flicking business. It was so cute to read and, again, it had me gushing away.

I loved how the instructor had to turn up at just that moment and ruin everything for me and all the other Jily shippers around the world. Oh well, like Lily said there might be another time which would be really great!

This was such a cute one-shot and a great read!

Author's Response: Hehe, I really enjoyed your Christmassy intros :)

I'm really pleased you enjoyed my stressed out Lily and that she had you laughing :) I didn't write this originally as a humorous story but a few people have said they found it amusing (which I now think is a good thing - if I'd tried to write a humour fic it would probably have gone terribly wrong ;)) I'm glad that although you found it comical you still felt for Lily as she was having a pretty rough day!

Yay! I'm really happy you liked James and Lily's moment and thought it was perfect - that really made me smile. Hehe, I am in the process of writing chapter 3 of Allergic to Fun and I have a few 'moments' planned :) knowing that you would be a 'ready made fan girl' for that story really made my day, thank you!!

I'm proud of Lily too, if it weren't for James Potter I dont think she would have managed it ;) good ol' Potter saving the day hehe! I'm glad you liked her opening description and movements on thev beach (I actually am not a fan of the beach so I really had to think about how someone who loves the beach would feel/view it).

Haha, the first plan for this story did not involve James following her to the beach but as I started writing it this plot came to me and the planned one went out the window (which is a good thing 'cause it was terrible!) Yes, it was a bit stalkerish of him, but I thought given his obsession with Lily it was something he would have done - especially if he was worried about her. I'm really pleased their flirting had you gushing :) I really enjoyed writing this, more so than any of my other stories! It is the quickest I have ever written a story/chapter too (I am a rather slow writer/updater) So, to hear you enjoyed it means a lot :) Thank you!

Pesky instructor! Who knows where this could have led if he hadnt turned up! As you say though, there might be another time when they end up on that beach ;)

Thank you so much for the great review! It made my day!!

Haronione ♥


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Review #2, by Remus Destination Destination Destination

15th October 2013:
Heya!! Perelandra here form the forums with your review! :D So sorry that I've taken forever go get here...life and all. I have a small break before work so I figure I would come here! I chose this one because I like me some Jily fics.

The first thing that I noticed about your fic was the description. I was able to put myself there without any problems. And that's something I really like from any fic.

This Lily, however, felt like a sad Lily. Almost depressed. Well, I guess I would be too if I were in her position. A father who is gone, dislike from her sister, the name calling, her friends ignoring her... Everything starts to build up in the end. It's no wonder that she apparated elsewhere!

The little tidbit you had of Filch was funny and so downright Filch-like. Part of me thought he wasn't going to let her out!

When she apparated to the beach I got jealous! Hahaha! Right now we have the gloomy, rainy and cold weather you described. If I could apparate else where just like Lily did...that would be awesome!

Your Lily and James moments were great! They felt normal 16-17yr olds who no real cares in the world. I'm glad that James is there for her, even when she doesn't want him to. And his sense of humor was great! Specially he tells Lily to stop perving on him. LOL! And her comeback...that was just perfect!

I think my favorite line is:

'I really think we should go back. But we can always come back here for our honeymoon, and for family holidays when we have our four children.'

It's so bittersweet because we know that never happens. Well...at least the family holidays. With their four children. Haha, I can't imagine Harry with 3 more siblings! He wouldn't have grown up lonely, that's for sure!

Anyway, your narrative, description and overall flow is great! I mean, this was a Cup Challenge so I know that you must've been pressured with time but the outcome was a nice one-shot!

I'm pretty sure there might be other typos but nothing really stood up except for this one part:

She was very aware of the fact that James Potter was stood before her in just his boxer shorts -- I think the second 'was' is an extra word accidentally left there. XD

Anyway! Thank you for letting me read this one-shot! It was too cute!!!

Until next time!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi Rosie! Oh my, please please do not apologise! Your offer was so kind so you really do not need to say sorry!!

Anyway, on with the response! Thankyou so much for this lovely review :) I am never sure with my descriptions so i'm glad you liked them and were able to put yourself there :)

Aw, yes she was a rather sad Lily in this. In this, her father dying was the final straw, until then she was able to handle all the other stuff. I kind of wanted to show how emotions can affect magical ability and just how small things can very quickly build up into major problems. Poor Lily, she really was having a tough time of it!

Hee, I'm glad you liked Filch :) I was going to have him lock Lily in and have her having to find a way out but I was running out of words for the 5000 maximum word count!

Haha, I have that weather here too! I would love to be able to apparate somewhere else!

Yay!! I am so happy you thought the James/Lily moments we're great :D I really enjoyed writing those - especially the two parts in particular that you have mentioned! So that you have mentioned them is just amazing :) Ah, yes, this was the perfect time for James to prove himself to Lily, and I think he did by the end of it ;)

Now you've mentioned about Harry having 3 siblings I can't help but imagine what he would have grown up like if James and Lily had survived and had 3 more children. I wonder how different he would have been.

Yes, this was written rather quickly (for me anyway - I think I am usually the worlds slowest writer! ) and I think this was the fastest I'd ever written nearly 5000 words. Maybe the pressure actually helped! It is good to know you felt it was a nice one-shot and that the flow, narrative and description were great :) thank you!

I have not done a full edit since I posted this (have edited small bits that have been pointed out in reviews but not a full edit) so I will do that to try and catch those pesky extra words :) thanks for pointing that out!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and leave me such a lovely review :) I'm glad you enjoyed it and found it cute!

Haronione ♥


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Review #3, by StellaRose Destination Destination Destination

18th August 2013:
Hi there! This is a great little one shot :) Your portrayal of Lily is fresh and inspiring to say the least. (Glad to see she's not the perfect person she's always made out to be!)

I LOVE James line near the end where he tells her they will be coming back to the beach after they're married. So cute and arrogant at the same time!

A minor cc, just double check your first paragraph. There's a few run-on sentences. For example, the first sentence could really be split up into two so it's not as long.

Besides that, I really didn't see anything else. I personally think the first paragraph is the hardest to write--there's always so much background to cover! Maybe just try re-writing it a few times and see what you come up with :)

You definitely don't need to change anything plot-wise. You have a great one shot and I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work!

P.S. This is EmmyRose from the Claw Review Thread :)

Author's Response: Hi StellaRose! Thankyou for the lovely review :)

I am so glad you found my portrayal of Lily to be fresh and inspiring. She is quite often made out to be perfect and I just don't think she was - nobody's perfect! Ha, I really liked that line too :D so I'm glad you agree! I could just imagine James saying something like that and I put it in to show the difference in Lily's attitude to James after their day at the beach - a complete contrast to how she reacts when he offers her a hug at the start of the fic!

Thankyou for the CC, I will read over the first paragraph and see if I can edit it :) Yes, I agree that the first paragraph is the hardest to write.

I am really pleased that you enjoyed reading this one-shot. Thanks again for reading and reviewing :)

Haronione ♥


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Review #4, by blackballet Destination Destination Destination

3rd August 2013:
This was actually really funny! It was very sweet too, and I love how James went to find her. I think it fit his personality very well. Nice job!

Author's Response: Hi blackballet :)

Thank you for the lovely review! I didn't actually think of this as humorous when I wrote it, but when I read it back I could see their were amusing bits in it. I'm glad you enjoyed it and found it to be funny and sweet :) I'm glad you thought James going to find Lily fit his personality. I could really see him getting rather worried if she disappeared, and I couldn't see him doing anything other than trying to find her!

Thanks again for the review (and the Dobby nomination - I was surprised but oh so happy when I saw it, thank you so much!!!)

Haronione ♥


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Review #5, by ginerva_molly_weasley Destination Destination Destination

13th July 2013:
Oh this is the most adorable thing I have ever read! I do truly love Jily lots and this fic I just want to have as my squishy because it is so squishy and adorable.

Jily is one of my OTP's and I think you've captured the beginning of their relationship perfectly here. The only time Lily would admit to having a good time with James it makes sense that she would be emotionally drained and not in a state to refuse the company of James.

I loved that he apparated after her. I also love that he would have had to picture her very hard to apparate where he was so this would show his concern for her and it also shows he cares more than just playing up to the bravado of his friends as he has gone after her even though it may miss missing out on his apparition license first time himself. This is a sacrifice he makes for a few hours with Lily which I absolutely adore.

I just adore James. The beach is such an idyllic setting which again I love as it is just the perfect thing!

I adore this especially the examiner at the end being impressed with them!

Well done!

GinevraMollyPotter
Slytherin

Author's Response: Let me start this response by apologising profusely for taking so long to respond! As an apology I'll let you use this fic as your squishy ;)

Thankyou so much for the wonderful review! It made me so happy to hear that you found it so adorable :) I'm glad you thought I captured the beginning of James and Lily's relationship so well. Your thoughts in the review were the exact thoughts I had when writing the fic, so it's great to hear you mention them - makes me feel like I have portrayed what I meant to.

Haha, when I first read this review I had no idea what OTP meant *feels silly* but thanks to the house cup I now know. James and Lily are my OTP too :) If I'm honest I started this fic with a very different plot in mind for the beach scene. But as I wrote Lily's fragile state I thought to myself that this would be the perfect time and place for James to start proving himself to Lily and for Lily to start seeing James in a different light :) I am so glad I changed the plot, I actually really dislike the first idea I had now!

Yes, when I had James Apparate after Lily I was imagining that this could only be done if you really concentrated on the person and felt very strongly and passionately about them - as James did about Lily. Again, yes, it would have been a sacrifice for James to not pass his Apparition test first time - I see him as quite a competitive person - but I also feel he would think it was a small sacrifice to make if it meant spending time with Lily!

Thanks again for the fab review, it's really made me smile :D

Haronione ♥


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Review #6, by ohmymerlin Destination Destination Destination

13th July 2013:
Hey there!

Okay, I absolutely LOVE anything James and Lily, and I'm always looking for stories that portray them in different ways and you just did this so fantastically, and it's made me so happy! :D

All throughout this one-shot I was chuckling and the line, 'Meh, I've seen better' had me in stitches. It just seems so Lily-like! :p

I liked the idea of the two of them Apparating to a beach, I adore beaches and I could just imagine the two of them spending all their time at this beach.

(It also reminds me of a piece of fanart by julvett where they are at the beach on their honeymoon and James is talking to the mirror with Sirius in it :p)

I really liked the last line as well, because we all KNOW she's going to end up with James, and it's sweet seeing her slowly transition to this strange idea of starting to fancy James. :p

So yeah, I really loved this story, James and Lily were so adorable and believable. ♥

- Kayla. :)

Author's Response: Hey Kayla!

Thankyou so much for the lovely review :) and I am sorry for such a late response!

I'm really glad you liked my portrayal of James and Lily, and that the story made you happy (your review has just made me so happy :D) Haha, 'Meh, I've seen better' was the only response I could see Lily giving at that moment in time - I'm glad you liked that line and that the fic had you chuckling :)

I'm glad you liked the idea of them Apparating to the beach - I thought it would be the perfect place for their relationship to start changing. And in my mind I can see them returning to this beach a lot (especially for special occasions ;)) so I'm glad you can see that too. Oh, and I looked up that piece of fanart after seeing your review too, great pic!

I think it must have felt very strange for Lily to start liking James after disliking him for so many years, and I really enjoyed writing about the start of that change. I'm so pleased you liked it and that you thought James and Lily were believable :)

Thanks again for such a lovely review ♥


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Review #7, by Roots in Water Destination Destination Destination

13th July 2013:
Hello there!

This was a lovely one-shot. I really liked how you explored Lily's character in this story. Quite often she can be portrayed as someone who is perfect with her schoolwork and very charming with everyone. However, you gave her a more human side.

The war would definitely have impacted her character and I think that the consequences you explored were very realistic and believable. Of course she would start to suffer - after all of the stress she's under and all of the insults thrown her way, it would've been a miracle if she remained untouched by her surroundings.

It was interesting to have her accidentally apparate to a beach from her childhood. It made sense that she would want to seek comfort in a stress-free environment and her visit to the beach certainly seemed to do her good. Trying to reappear in cold, rainy Hogsmeade doesn't seem like a very good goal. :P

I'm glad that you had James go after her. Their interactions on the beach seemed to help her to see him in a different light, particuarly the fact that he cared enough about her to try and find her after she didn't show up at the intended destination. Your theory about how he was able to find her was also interesting - it makes sense that you're also able to focus on people and apparate to them, instead of a destination, but that would also be very dangerous during the war. Imagine if Death Eaters could find somebody simply by concentrating on them!

There were a few moments in this story where I think that you used exclamation points unnecessarily/in places that they didn't really fit. For example, when Lily says "Thank you for today!", she says it timidly, and an exclamation point does not indicate timidness. But it's a small thing in the grand scheme. :P

All in all, I think that you did a good job with this one-shot. It was enjoyable to read and I really liked this look into how Lily and James' relationship started to turn for the better. Good work! :D

Author's Response: Hi, thank you very much for the lovely review :)

I'm glad you liked my characterisation of Lily and that you found the consequences of her situation realistic and believable.

I had her Apparate to a beach from her childhood as, to her, it was a time when life was simple and carefree, a complete contrast to the way her life is at that present time. I also felt it showed the importance of Determination and Destination in the 3 D's of Apparition (Lily certainly didn't have any Deliberation in her Apparition ;)) As you said, cold, rainy Hogsmeade isn't a very good goal - especially in Lily's state.

Initailly I wasn't going to have James go after her :0 and it was going to be a completely different story. As I wrote the first part, it all changed, so I'm glad you like that James went after her and their interactions on the beach. As to my theory on how he found her - to Apparate to a person rather than a particular place, you'd have to feel very strongly and passionately about the person, as James does. Yes that would be dangerous during the war, but in my mind it is a very rare occurrence ;p

Eek! *hides* I am a great over-user of the exclamation mark, especially in texts, posts etc -.- I just can't help it! I usually try to curb this habit in stories, but a few seem to have made their way in! I totally see your point with that example and will go through and get rid of those unneeded exclamation marks. (I have had to really resist using them in this response ;))

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed reading and thanks again for such a lovely review! ♥


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Review #8, by marauderfan Destination Destination Destination

13th July 2013:
This was really cute! I love Lily and James :D And what a perfect way for them to finally talk to one another, going to an exotic beach. Leave it to Lily to accidentally manage inter-continental Apparition, too!

The part about Lily's friends and ex-friends, in the case of Snape, made me feel so badly for her- I can really understand why she must have been so stressed out! That's a lot to deal with. So I was glad that she got away to escape it all, and even happier when James showed up. Your descriptions of the beach were really vivid and wonderful, and made me wish I were relaxing on a beach as well, instead of looking out a window at suburbia at night, lol. Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review!

Haha, yes, trust Lily to accidently accomplish inter-continental apparition. I see Lily as the type of person who isn't perfect at everything, but when she does do something right she does it amazingly ;)

Lucky Lily, being able to get away from all her worries - I wish I could apparate to an exotic, secluded beach sometimes! I'm glad you liked the descriptions of the beach, I was worried that they were lacking somewhat so it's good to hear you thought they were good :)

Thanks again for the review ♥


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Review #9, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Destination Destination Destination

13th July 2013:
*Squeals* I. LOVE. IT!

OH my goodness! Everything about this is just so great and perfect and it makes me want to squee! I really like how you explained that Lily's being upset was affecting her magic, and it seemed like everything just seemed to keep going wrong that day! Poor Lily!

But then she showed up on the beach and I was happy that she could get some relief! And when James showed up I just knew it was going to be amazing and it WAS! So, so, SO awesome!

I could definitely see something like this being the turning point in their relationship; the point where Lily finally sees that James really does care for her. It was just so cute and sweet!

The whole one-shot flowed very well, and I didn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes, either. Really, really well done, dear! and it's now in my favorites! ♥

Author's Response: Oh wow! Thankyou for such a lovely review, I have the biggest smile on my face right now :D I am so pleased that you enjoyed it so much!

I'm glad you liked that explanation - I feel that the ability to do most things can be altered by your emotions, so why not magic? Poor Lily, she was having a rather rough day, but sometimes things have to get worse before they get better!

I'm so happy you thought Lily and James's time at the beach was awesome :) I definitely think that James would have won Lily over slowly but surely with little things that show he's actually a good guy and that he does truly care for her. I'm glad you liked my version of the first of these little things :)

Again, thank you for making my day with this review! ♥


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