Reading Reviews for Whispers of the Night
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by RavenclawFTW Whispers of the Night

19th July 2015:
Heya Catherine! I'm here for BvB!

First off, I love the premise of this one shot! It's so mysterious but fun, and I would love to see it expanded. It really left me wanting more, from both the characters and the setting.

I thought your Rose and Albus were really interesting-- there was some obvious tension between the two, but they also seem close. I'd love to know more about their backstory and what brought them here! Albus also seems so competitive but with a touch of arrogance I don't often see Al written with-- the comment about his dad was really intriguing because I feel like people have the Potter boys hating the attention they get from their dad, but here he's kind of flaunting it (to his cousin, but still).

I loved how you brought Lorcan/Lysander into the mix, and how Rose couldn't figure out the difference between them-- it was such a small thing, but it must bug Lorcan and Lysander immensely! I like the idea that even though Rose has known them for ages she's still confused by it.

The only things that really stuck out to me here were that there were several small grammar issues or awkward wording, which weren't that big a deal. But I also felt like the transitions were kind of sudden and the story didn't have great flow-- like I said before, I would've liked to see more about what brought them here, and I think this could be improved if it was expanded a bit.

Anyways, this was a really intriguing one shot! Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

I haven't really read or looked into Next Gen too much, so I really had no idea how Rose and Albus are usually portrayed! I just always thought it would be interesting if Albus was the cocky troublemaker, as there was already a James and Sirius like that in the HP series.

I'm happy that you liked the part with the Scamander twins, and am glad that it came across how clueless Rose can be! even Ravenclaws can be a little careless sometimes.

Thank you for your lovely review!

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Review #2, by 800 words of heaven Whispers of the Night

15th February 2014:

Extreme hide and seek is so much fun without magic, but it would be the best thing ever if there was magic involved!

Hahaha! I had a bit of a giggle over how competitive Rose and Albus were! They really take their games seriously! And poor Lorcan and Lysander, always getting mixed up! It's kind of a sweet sort of revenge for them that poor Rose loses because of her confusion :P

I really enjoyed how you built tension and all the action scenes were very well-written. Action is not my strong suit, so this was really awesome to read - I even took notes!

This was really enjoyable and just a lot of fun! Awesome stuff :)

Author's Response: This was so much fun to write, and I'm glad you enjoyed. I took the challenge because I wanted to get out of my dark comfort zone, and this worked well for that.

Thanks again for the review!

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Review #3, by UnluckyStar57 Whispers of the Night

23rd October 2013:
Hello! If you don't remember who I am, that's okay! You entered my Regina Spektor challenge aaagggeesss ago, and I am just now getting around to giving you some prize reviews! This is the first of three, so let's begin, shall we? :)

So, I really love the way that this is written. It's almost mysterious, and very intriguing. Why is Hogwarts having "challenges?" Is it like a nicer version of the Triwizard Tournament, and only among Hogwarts students? Is it just for fun, or are there bigger things at stake? This whole idea just leaves me with a lot of questions, and I want some answers! How do the teams work? Are Rose and Albus on the same team, and if so, why were they against each other in the challenge that opened the story? Interesting things, indeed!

The only point of criticism that I can offer you is this: When things are plural, they do not get an apostrophe. Therefore, more than one Gryffindor="Gryffindors," not "Gryffindor's." You did that a couple of times, and I can totally understand--honest mistake! However, that was the only mistake I found.

The other criticism that I have for you is this: WHY isn't this a novel already?! I just feel like it ended so abruptly, and there DEFINITELY needs to be a lot more chapters with new challenges, characters, and maybe an explanation for what the challenges actually are. When you find the time, could you please, PLEASE write some more of this? And if you do, could you please, PLEASE message me on the forums so that I can read it?

You're awesome for writing this story, even though it's so short and needs to be much longer!


Author's Response: Thanks for getting to this!

I'll be honest: this one-shot was a huge experiment for me. It was for a challenge and I'm glad I did it.

Thanks for all of you input, especially about the Gryffindors/Gryffindor's thing. I have such trouble with that!

I also didn't think that anyone would want this to be expanded. I don't know if I have time right now to continue the story, and I might even delete this.

Thanks for your helpful tips anyway :)

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Review #4, by Haronione Whispers of the Night

7th August 2013:
Hi blackballet. This was a fun little one-shot. I really like the idea of these challenges, it's like them having a 'games day' at hogwarts - a bit like muggle schools do for the last day of term... but better ;)

I liked your characterisations of Rose and Albus, and the competitiveness between them. I also liked the twins, and this line 'The Ravenclaw was playing both of us, and I'm pretty sure the real Lysander wasn't sure who was who either' had me chuckling :)

This was a good fic and I enjoyed reading it :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I thought that would be a good idea, and it was fun to write something new.

I loved writing with the twins! It was really fun to do. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and hope to hear more from you.

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Review #5, by patronus_charm Whispers of the Night

3rd August 2013:
Team Blue calling in!

Iíve always had issues with Lily II, probably because Iíve always had issues with the original Lily and Ginny, but I really liked your characterisation of her here. There was something fresh about her and the remarks about her mother were really nice and grounded her in some way.

I was a little unsure about the whole situation at first as to whether they were actually battling or what was really going on, but then when you revealed it was merely a game I rather liked it. It kept the suspense and curiosity going and it was a great way to introduce Albus into the story!

One thing I was a little unsure of was whether this was a game between them, an organised thing or just a fun thing. I liked the idea of it, but the concept was a little skewed so perhaps if there was a greater clarity about it, it would make it even better because Iím still a little confused.

Other than that I thought it was a really fun one-shot! It had the right levels of action and fun to balance out the description and you found a really great balance here! Good work!


Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked my characterization, and I think that it's better than my plot sometimes.

I think I'm going to have an introductory paragraph put in, from McGonagall or something, to say what the game is. I'm happy you liked it overall!

Thanks for reviewing

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Review #6, by Trundlebug Whispers of the Night

3rd August 2013:
I liked it.

I really enjoy any story that tries to add to the magical world of Hogwarts and what the students do there. Too often people get overly hung up on the books and forget to add to add their own flair.

The writing was good, well-paced, and there were only a few mistakes (most of mine have way more). I liked the characterization of Rose as I detected bits of both her parents in her and that's swell. Albus and the L twins were also written fine.

The ending was good and well-played. I truly didn't see it coming and its neat that you didn't go the other way with it.


Too often we want our heroes to win at everything when that can really take a lot of the fun out of a story. There's a lot to be said for losing well.

It was an excellent read, and a fine way to spend ten minutes.

Reviewed for Blue


Author's Response: Thank you so much! I had a ton of fun with this. I really did love to write Rose, and thought a lot about who her parents were when writing.

I'm glad you liked it, and I just had to use the twins. I mean, it was waiting for me to do it.

I'm glad you liked it, and happy you chose to review this one!

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Review #7, by quixotic Whispers of the Night

3rd August 2013:
I'm here for the Blue vs. Bronze Challenge!

Your description was great, especially at the beginning of the story, it really set the mysterious mood.
Never would I have thought that a game of hide and seek could require so much of strategizing. It was quite funny to see how competitive Rose is, just like her mother. Her trouble in distinguishing between Lorcan and Lysander brought a humorous touch to the story as well.
One thing that did surprise me is Albus' character. I always imagined him to be the quiet, thoughtful son who generally stayed away from pranks and breaking rules. However, you did a wonderful job with his character and I find myself liking this version of Albus better!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I wanted to make her just like her mother, with a bit of her father, so there you go. I feel like that's exactly how a frantic Hermione would act as well.
With Albus, I tried to make him as opposite to the real Dumbledore as possible. I liked writing him like that! I'm happy you liked it, and I'll probably be reviewing one of yours eventually!

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Review #8, by AlexFan Whispers of the Night

2nd August 2013:
I think that was the most intense Hide and Seek ever played. It's certainly never that fun when I try to play with my friends. They usually end up quitting and I'm stuck whining about it.

I wish I could've been part of the Hide and Seek game. Just out of curiosity, why exactly were all of these challenges being held? I don't think you mentioned it and I've been wondering about that.

As for the dueling challenge, I think they might've needed to have Madam Pomfrey (or whomever the matron was) on hand since third years can know some pretty mean spells.

This was really interesting and fun to read and I absolutely loved it! Awesome job on this!

Author's Response: Yes, it was very fun to write! I'm not sure if you've had time to notice, but fun, happy fics aren't really my forte. I wrote this for a challenge, but I also just wrote it for fun. Maybe, if I ever finally finish both of my novels, I will go back and fix this up accordingly. I liked to work with the new characters, though.

Thank you so much! I'm happy you liked it despite everything.

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Review #9, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Whispers of the Night

22nd July 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

I really like the descriptive action in the first section, when Rose is hiding from Albus. The opening sentence is especially strong: "I splayed my arms out against the wall, trying to stay as flat as possible so I wouldn't be found." It helped to suck me in to the story right away.

You make great use of Lycan and Lysander's resemblance as a plot point in both sections. The question of who is who really helps to tie the two sections into a cohesive whole.

Grammarwise, I noticed that you consistently use an apostrophe in the house names (ex Gryffindors) where it shouldn't appear. Like here: "Almost all of the Ravenclaw's were eliminated, and all the Hufflepuff's and Slytherin's were." The apostrophe would only be used to show possession (ex Gryffindor's sword). Otherwise, grammar, punctuation and spelling are clean.

The final three-way duel makes a great end to the story, but I would have liked a little more vivid description here, like at the beginning to the story. Is Rose sweating or breathing hard from exertion; and how far away or close are they from each other? Little details like hear would have made it even more intense.

That said, the way the duel hinges on her inability to tell the Scamanders apart is very clever, and I enjoyed reading this story quite a lot.

Great job! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was a little shaky on this story, as I'm not great with battle descriptions. I'm glad you liked the twin element, and I thought it gave a slight twist on the story.

Oh gosh, of course I did that. I didn't send it to my beta, because he is working on two novels for me, and I wouldn't want to take advantage, so I'll fix that.

Thank you so much! I look forward to requesting more from you.

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Review #10, by SunnyWitch Whispers of the Night

13th July 2013:
Hullo! As Phoenix Quill and I made the challenge together, apparently I'm the one whom shall be reviewing all of the entries. I'm also one of the two judges, aha.

First of all, I was a little surprised by the idea of this one-shot. I'd figured that this would have a fairly dark, sinister outlook. I'm also not really sure how well this relates to the title.

There were a few grammatical errors - nothing too major, just, for example, a comma missing, or a comma in the place of a full-stop. There was also a spelling mistake or two that I picked up.

Your way of showing the relationship between Rose and Albus was - I thought - spot on. Cousins can be severely annoying sometimes. Also the idea of having a House competition with kids' games really appealed to me.

Overall, I thought it a nice bit of an insight into the Next Gen's 'activities' at Hogwarts.

Cheers, SW.

Author's Response: I know! I'm definitely not expecting to win this challenge, because I've never even written next gen before. I just thought it would be a nice challenge for me personally. I fought with the title a bit before writing it, and decided to just stick with what I had. I didn't want to go about bothering you two. When I can edit this one-shot, I'll be sure to go over it for spelling and such, thanks for pointing that out as well. Thanks for your review!

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