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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ohmymerlin Understood

13th July 2013:
Hey! :)

This was an adorable one-shot! I really enjoyed reading it!

However, I think you might want to have a read-over. There were quite a few grammatical errors, or you left out a few words. But nothing a read-over won't fix. They weren't so glaringly obvious that ruined the piece for me, it just made it a bit jumpy. But they weren't massive issues, don't worry. :)

So yeah, Australia! Finally! I've been reading so many and haven't read any from Australia (my homeland) yet, so finally seeing something about Australia is a relief!

You described Australia well. I've been to most states, so you pretty much got the overall theme. I don't know if you intended it to be a specific place, but I imagined Perth from your descriptions. It's a lovely place. :)

This was an adorable one-shot, I liked Emily and Hugo's relationship developing, and their parallels about their mothers was a nice touch. :)

So yeah, I enjoyed reading this story! You write very nicely!

- Kayla. :)

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Review #2, by LilyEPotter Understood

13th July 2013:
Hi! Here for the House Cup review!

At the beginning of the story, I felt so sorry for Emily for her mother being gone, though it's not clear if she left or has passed away. Then finding out that she's spending Christmas apart from family because her father wants to have time apart makes me feel even more sorry for her and a little upset with him.

It was a very nice ending with Hugo revealing that he had studied Hogwarts just like Emily was studying Australia.

Great story!

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Review #3, by teh tarik Understood

13th July 2013:
Hi tharrr, here for the House Cup Review-a-thon!

Well, first I must say this, but the ending segment with those three gorgeous sentences really, really made this oneshot for me. That was just a wonderful way to end. There was such a lovely sense of breathlessness, and the image of the blue sea and the crisp white heat are incredibly striking. The lines were pretty sparse, which really accentuated those images. Honestly, that was such a lovely way to end, especially after Hugo and Emily's kissing.

Emily is a very interesting character; I do like the way you've portrayed her. There's a sense of melancholy to her character, probably because of what happened to her mother, and how it's affected her family and all those Christmases she spends alone in Hogwarts...these are quite sad little details, and they provide glimpses into Emily's less than perfect life. Lily's characterisation was also very interesting; she's a lot more upbeat, a little bossier, and she's such a contrast to Emily, which is of course completely understandable, seeing as Lily comes from a great big extended family full of life and warmth and love and people...something which seems to be lacking in Em's life.

The relationship between Hugo and Emily is such an interesting one. I'm not sure about the reference to them screaming and hexing each other; it did seem a little extreme, and a little incongruent with the conversation in the library between them and the kiss that came later. I love the mystery about '142'! It was such a wonderful moment, and Hugo's reply about there being 142 staircases in Hogwarts, not getting to the point...there's a very lovely understatedness to the whole 142 thing and how much Emily wants to know about it.

There are quite a lot of grammatical and spelling errors :P But I suppose it's understandable, seeing as most HC stories were probably written under a fair amount of pressure. However, you might want to get a beta or go through the piece again, because the errors were quite disruptive to the reading process.

But all in all, this was a lovely poignant piece of writing! It's very understated and with a simplicity that I really appreciated. And of course, brilliant ending. Great work!

-teh

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Review #4, by maskedmuggle Understood

13th July 2013:
Hey!

I found this a very unusual piece, but it was definitely very interesting to read! Emily's character is also very unusual as was the whole plot, but at the same time, it was really intriguing. I can just imagine Emily/a girl's fixation on Australia because of the links to her mother.

I thought Lily's characterisation was great, while Hugo's was perhaps a bit more confusing? Particularly Hugo and Emily's relationship - I wasn't quite sure about the way it developed. I found the kissing a bit too abrupt and unexpected, considering how their history appears to consist of hexing and fighting each other (if I read it correctly)? You might also like to consider just rereading it through because I noticed one or two small grammar errors or sentences that could be phrased a little better.

Overall though, I thought it was a very engaging and nicely written story! :) I found Emily's focus on Australia very powerful, and it definitely conveyed how important her mother was to her.

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

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