Reading Reviews for Slytherin Secrets
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LilyLou On the Astronomy Tower

7th August 2013:
LilyLou here with your requested review!

Even though this is against my will-not-read list, I figured I'd give it a shot. And I'm glad I did. While it bugs me that she's part of the DA and is friends with all those like Ginny, Harry, and Hermione, I do my best to ignore all of that.

And when I ignore all that, I'm absolutely in love with this story. I will most definitely be keeping an eye on it for upcoming chapters! It's amazing! I love how you wrote Draco. Original characters are always difficult to write, and there wasn't anything that I caught that was OOC in any way. Perhaps that he trusted her so easily, but then again all Draco really wanted was someone who understood and helped.

The grammar in this story is pretty good, in my opinion. Whether or not you have a beta, good job on that part!

Well, like I said, amazing story so far. This isn't a very lengthy review, but I just can't think of anything else to say! I'll be keeping an eye on this story! And I won't hesitate to review again!

Keep writing!

-Janelle

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Review #2, by rozen_maiden On the Astronomy Tower

1st August 2013:
This is still really, really great! But before I talk about anything else, I just want to point out one inconsistency before I forget:

You talk about Draco and the Death Eater/Muggleborn woman initiation, and how he avoided it being with Pansy - that they honor commitment enough to not force him to do these deplorable acts. But I also noticed you had this sentence when describing what the acts were:
"... down into the basement, where Dolohov and Rookwood and Rowle and Yaxley and even my pathetic excuse for a father are waiting."
I think it would make more sense if you took out 'and my pathetic excuse for a father', as Lucius is in a relationship with Narcissa, and they love each other dearly. I also think it would be a bit out-of-canon to have him complete these activities when they are in the Malfoy basement, and Narcissa is in the house (she's a pretty scary woman, and she definitely has her husband under her thumb). Also, Draco mentions how he is worried for his family in this chapter (which, is perfectly in canon. The Malfoy's only looked out for each other in the last book), so I don't think he would actually see his father as pathetic (especially after just doing time in Azkaban. Maybe Draco would feel sorry for him, but not despise him. He has always loved his dad).

Anyway, that was the only critic I could find - otherwise, this story is coming along very well. As I said in my previous review, your writing style is perfect, and I was pleased and very surprised to find that it changed (but didn't degrade in quality) when you switched to Draco's point of view. I read every word as though he was speaking, because it was so well-written I could actually imagine Draco saying those words and thinking those thoughts. It's also interesting to read it out of Emmaleigh' eyes, and through Malfoy's, as reader's get to see her in a different light. It's very difficult for some writers to confidently handle two viewpoints, but you're doing an amazing job.

Anywhere you go from here is going to be a very interesting read. I'm putting this story in my favourites, just so I don't miss your update. You've introduced both characters, and now I'm pretty excited to see where you go with your plotline. Your writing is so lovely as well, it's just an absolute pleasure to read.

Thanks for requesting my review, I'm so glad I got to read your story! :)
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Hello, and thanks again!

Ah, thank you for pointing that out. I had intended to switch that to uncle (in reference to Rodolphus,) so I'll have to tweak that part. I never believed Rodolphus and Bellatrix cared for each other very much. :p

And I'm so very glad to hear the switch in narration wasn't to jarring; I was worried about that happening. A few years ago, I wrote a story that alternated between narrators and it failed miserably so I've always been afraid to attempt that style again. So far, so good, I guess! :D

Thanks again! I'm so glad you're enjoying it!


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Review #3, by rozen_maiden A Risky Return

1st August 2013:
Mahalia here with your RR!

I'm really not sure what I want to say here. This is opening chapter had my complete attention. You have an abosolutely lovely narrating style, that's easy to read and understand. You reveal little snippets of your OC's personality and features without going into droll detail. Honestly, the whole chapter was just perfect. I didn't have to go back and read anything. You have that Hogwarts style to your writing, and the flow - I could honestly rave all day about how well your story flowed.

Your OC herself is instantly likable and vulnerable, and I felt a strange tug in my chest when I read she was a Muggleborn Slytherin. That's so sad! And you wrote it so well - she isn't a perfect, Mary-Sue, and she has suffered from being in Slytherin. I love that Snape and Malfoy aren't her biggest fans, and it's good that you kept to that canon.

I don't really have much more to say that doesn't just constantly involve how wonderful you write. I'm reading the next chapter right now! This was a great start :)

- Mahalia

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for your amazing review! I'm so happy to hear you're enjoying it so far! :D

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Review #4, by MadiMalfoy A Risky Return

31st July 2013:
Hello! :)

So this is actually the first Draco/OC I've really ever read, as Draco/Hermione is my OTP. But no worries, I like this one a lot so far! :)

Your characterization of Draco so far is wonderful! I've always imagined him wanting to break under all the pressure he's under, and the scene at the end really epitomizes that. Emmaleigh Ross is your OC so I can really only say good things about her! She seems very developed, with a good persona and a great, intellectual mind like Hermione's. If anything, I'd say you just wrote the Slytherin Hermione. :) So she is definitely not 'bland' at all!

The narration is key to keep the plot moving, and you don't disappoint in this opening chapter. You give us enough background information to flesh out your character and her situation, and still manage to move it along in the present day as well, something that some authors can have a tough time with. I didn't notice any grammar/spelling errors at all either, so wonderful job on that!!

A muggleborn Slytherin? Are you kidding me?? How is that NOT intriguing? I think if you wanted more reads/reviews, you could hint at that in the summary if you wanted--it's definitely something not really done (besides Hermione in Slytherin) so it's a fantastic idea! And, you made it a Deathly Hallows subplot too, even better!! The one discrepancy is that Draco didn't return to school during this year because the Dark Lord was using his manor, etc etc so he had to stay home. However, you make it work to your advantage.

Overall, a superb start! Please feel free to re-request! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your lovely review!

I must admit that Draco/Hermione is a guilty pleasure of mine (which makes me the worst Ron/Hermione shipper ever, but oh well.) :p

I'm thrilled to hear you're enjoying the story so far, and that it was intriguing enough to hold your interest despite it not being about your favorite pairing. Regarding Draco not going to school, I've personally always liked to think he did return but happened to be home for the Easter holidays when the trio was brought there, but that's what I love about HP - so much is open for interpretation. :D

Thanks again for the review!


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Review #5, by marauderfan A Risky Return

30th July 2013:
hello! marauderfan here with your requested review.

I like this so far! Your writing is very good - no obvious grammar or spelling issues that I saw, and it flows really well. Also, Snape is spot on, so well done writing him. I think it's interesting that Emmaleigh is a Muggle-born in Slytherin; particularly during this time period it must be so difficult. But lucky for her, no one will suspect her "impure" blood that way. So you've got a great premise for a story here! Poor Draco at the end :(

Emmaleigh seems like a good character; I can clearly see her tendency to over-think things, as there's quite a few paragraphs of her worrying, so that's good. But she's sort of missing something, to me; I think what I would have liked to see more of is how she became friends with Harry, Hermione, and the Weasleys. It seems she met the golden trio on the train, which doesn't really fit with canon but if you're going AU you can write kind of whatever scene you want as background info. Basically, I just think some background on her friendship with all the Gryffindors would be a nice addition.

Also, my one nitpick: When Emmaleigh gets in the carriage, there are some first years in it, but first years usually take the boats. (Unless this year, they don't have boats for some reason, in which case you might mention that.)

Overall though, I enjoyed this chapter and I think the story has a lot of potential! Nice work :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for the wonderful review! :)

I'm so glad to hear Snape came out alright; he's always been a difficult one for me to write. And there's definitely more background info coming up. :)

Regarding the boats, there is actually a reason they aren't being used, but I'm sorry to say it's nothing spectacular. I had intended to include why in this chapter, but the topic does get brought up again so it's all good. :p

Again, thanks so much for taking the time to review! Glad you liked it! :D


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Review #6, by Lady of Tears A Risky Return

28th July 2013:
I'm here with your review!

Right off the bat, I'm impressed with your use of first-person. I think you have a great balance of being inside Emmaleigh's head: there's not an overabundance of thought, but just the right amount of inner reflection. I especially liked the part about her mother. I found her to be an interesting character with depth and dimension.

In that same vein, I thought your overall characterization was good. I liked Snape most of all; his jeers were right on target and made me smile. I enjoyed the way you had all the characters interacting with each other.

I think the plot is a solid, and it made me want to keep reading, just because I wanted to find out how all the pieces are going to fit together. I think it's a really unique idea, a muggleborn Slytherin at this particular time. I haven't read a story quite like it.

Things I want to see more of: more memories from the past, especially things to solidify Emmaleigh's memories with the trio, to help her fit more naturally into their world. Being in first person you have a lot of room to interject things.

Definitely continue! It was a great read, and something new for me.

Lady of Tears

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

It's good to hear that Emmaleigh appears well-rounded so far! Writing OCs can be tricky because it's so easy to fall into Mary Sue territory. :p I really hope I can continue to keep her interesting throughout the story. I'm also really glad to hear you liked Snape's characterization! He's always been a tricky one for me to write.

And yes, more reflections of the past are coming. :) Like most writers, I try not to give everything away right off the bat, but I'm afraid I have a rather nasty habit of withholding too much, haha. It's definitely something I'm trying to work on.

Again, thank you so much! If you do carry on reading, I do hope you continue to enjoy it. :)

Cheers!


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Review #7, by XoXmaximumcullenXoX On the Astronomy Tower

20th July 2013:
I really like where this story is going!

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Review #8, by Breydi A Risky Return

17th July 2013:
I like this chapter. I'm hoping the rest are just as good.

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

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Review #9, by XoXmaximumcullenXoX A Risky Return

15th July 2013:
What a great start! please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

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Review #10, by Wildmoon A Risky Return

14th July 2013:
Wow, this story really has me interested. I look forward to the explanation of how a known muggle born could get to be a Slytherin Head girl, and whatever is going on with Malfoy, I really look forward to seeing how she's going to be part of it.

Definitely an interesting start!

Author's Response: Thanks a million! I'm thrilled to hear this was an intriguing beginning. An update is coming very soon. :)

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