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2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Athene Goodstrength Ron

18th July 2013:
Wow, Ron's life really has been thrown a curveball! I never imagined him in a band! Poor Ron has been through a lot, hasn't he?

This is an interesting idea for a story, and definitely original, but I wonder if you'd consider expanding on this chapter? You could write some of the scenes you've described, with dialogue and some description to help create an image in the reader's mind. Also, this chapter is quite tricky to read as it is a large block of text - you could consider putting in some paragraph spaces just to break up the story a little.

You have done a good job of setting the scene and the backstory, it would just be nice to see some of that story being played out, or how Ron feels about it.

A good start, though!

Author's Response: Thabks for the feedback. I'm trying to expand chapters, but I'm struggling to get over/up to 1000 words at least. I'll definitely use this advice for if not the upcoming chapters, the next story. Thanks.

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Review #2, by teh tarik Ron

14th July 2013:
Hi there! I'm sorry to see that this has no reviews! Well, hopefully this'll change something :)

First, this is such a unique little story. It's a crossover and an AU, I assume, and it appears to focus on Ron and George's sibling relationship. I always love stories about family and sibling relationships, so I'm quite pleased to have the chance of reading and reviewing this.

This first chapter was short, and was more set-up than anything, but it was a very interesting insight to the state of ROn's life - his involvement with a band, his estrangement from Hermione and the distancing from his own children. He's clearly in a sad state, and in not the happiest moments of his life.

I love all the details you slip in, about Dean and Lavender, and Cho and Justin in the Daily Prophet, and the paparazzi fame surrounding Ron.

One thing I'd advise is to perhaps format this chapter a little. It's a little hard to read with the huge dense paragraph, there, and it might be daunting to some readers.

Otherwise, this is a lovely start! A very original and interesting fic :)

-teh

Author's Response: Thank you, sorry I didn't see this earlier. Thanks for the feedback and the advice on formatting, much appreciated. I'm working on a chapter at the moment and so I'll make sure it's nice and clearly formatted. Thanks again.

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