Reading Reviews for Jostling
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Beeezie trundling

9th July 2014:
This is beautifully, beautifully written. I feel like you give a depth to Cho that I very rarely see in fics, and it's one that I think comes off as really genuine and realistic. I love the way that you really depict grief and pain as being complicated creatures that everyone processes in different ways - Cho only visiting Cedric's grave once and feeling so negatively about graveyards does defy the stereotype that's often laid out for her in particular and for grieving people in general, and I love that.

I also love, though, that you ended the story with Cho visiting the cemetery, despite all her fears and doubts and reservations. It gave the story a sense of closure, and made me feel like maybe she was ready to sort of, kind of, move on.

Great job.

House Cup 2014 - Ravenclaw

Educational Decree #5

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Review #2, by Celestie trundling

30th June 2014:
This was a lovely one-shot! I have a huge soft spot for Cho, so pretty much anything on her tempts me. I'm glad I read this!

I really like the simple but kind manner in which you've written Cho. You've done her the honest favor of sympathizing with her and it shows. I also enjoyed the parts with her on the train where you know she meets her future husband. I was a bit surprised to see the 'you' popping up, but I actually really like to see it used in conjunction with the first person. It gives it a nice air of nostalgia here.

My favorite line was: "Boredom is a fungus, and it festers in the soul, sucking all color, all light, all life."

Thank you for the lovely read :)

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Review #3, by blackballet trundling

3rd August 2013:
This was so beautiful. I've never read anything from Cho's POV, and I really enjoyed that she wasn't completely heartless. I noticed a couple of typos, but that can be fixed easily. I love inner monologue, so this was definitely for me!

Author's Response: I thought Cho's POV would be really interesting to write a story in, since there's not that much of it, and Cho is such an interesting character. Thank you for pointing out the typos and thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #4, by Cleopatraa trundling

16th July 2013:
Can I say I really love your opening sentence. But lets face it I loved the whole story and not only the opening sentence. The imagery and descriptions were simply stunning and this was in my opinion a terrific one shot for the house cup this year. Unique, beautiful and emotional .

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! :D

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Review #5, by Courtney Dark trundling

14th July 2013:
Hey there!

Wow, what an interesting, unique and captivating one-shot!

I've never actually read anything from Cho's point of view, so this was a first time experience for me!

I think my favourite thing about this one-shot was your beautiful descriptions and imagery. Simple, yet effective. A line, in particular, that stood out for me was: 'The uneven teeth of city skylines threaten to eat up the dull grey skies, and winter passes sluggishly. Spring comes, and every day, sunlight seems to slip through a crack in my skin, breaking the stones that have built up for so long.' You have a really lovely writing style.

I haven't read much in the second person, which I imagine is quite difficult to write - but I think it worked for this chapter, so nice work!

Great writing!


Author's Response: I've never written anything in Cho's point of view, so it's great to hear that you liked reading this! Second person is something I love writing in, but I rarely get to use it, and I was a bit worried that it wouldn't fit with the story, but I'm glad to hear that it did! The description was something I focused more on with this story, so thank you for all your lovely comments about it and thank you for this review! :D

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Review #6, by imacullenpottergirl trundling

14th July 2013:
Wow. I'm just all feels at the moment. All the feels.

Well, this was such a soul-wrenching and beautiful story, one that I'm sure i'll remember. The way it's written is so heart-breaking and almost so enchanting. And it really is beautifully written. The vocab, the description and the flow is beautiful.

The pain and also the sparks of happiness that Cho feel is written is such a way that is doesn't overpower the story, and I love the use of second person when you are describing 'him'. The sadness really is beautifully communicated, and I love it.

The banner is absolutely beautiful!!! It drew me in as soon as I saw it :) And so did the summary, its very quirky and very very engaging :)

Overall, a very very very very very well written one-shot, and I am really excited to read more form you!!!

- Abhi

Author's Response: omg, my writing gave someone feels! I don't think anyone has ever said that to me, so wow, thank you! :3

I'm really glad you liked the way it was written! Usually I have trouble with making my story summaries engaging, but it's great to hear that you liked both the banner and the summary!

Once again, thank you for this review, Abhi!

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Review #7, by ginerva_molly_weasley trundling

13th July 2013:
This is super super cute! I love this!

I especially like the secrets which are here as it makes her seem more real to admit little things like that. I really like the fact that she says she's only been to Cedric's grave once. I can truly understand that as she is trying to move on with her life and the grief and sadness caused by remembering Cedric in the state in the ground would have been more harmful to her recovery than it would be to just forget for a little while and block it out by not going for a while. The admission that graveyards scare her is also very real as even as a wizard they will have some fears which you showed well.

I also love love stories so having Cho introduced to a muggle helps bring in the possibility of future love and future chapters which is fabulous! I also like that they're going to the same place so will have something to talk about on the way there.

I did like this.

Well done

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Review #8, by Lululuna trundling

13th July 2013:
Hello! :)

Wow, this was so powerfully written and uplifting at the same time. I really enjoyed reading your beautifully constructed prose and how you gave the often forgotten and mistreated Cho a voice. I really like how you portrayed her, as a girl trying to get by and how she's both still emotionally damaged from Cedric's death yet strangely detached. The way she described death and cemeteries was very chilling, and I almost feel like she was hoping for a release from the necessity for cold grief.

The use of "you" for Cho's new love interest was very effective in my opinion. I wasn't sure for the story whether the character was a boy or a girl, which was also interesting, and the fact that he was a Muggle yet seemed to understand and relate to Cho's grief just fit so well, and I enjoyed the balance of simplicity and implied depth to their conversation and relationship.

The language and writing style here was so eloquent and flowed really beautifully, it was a real pleasure to read. I liked how Cho came across as being well-spoken and intelligent - she is a Ravenclaw, after all! And how she recognized and addressed her own grief and depression.

I loved this line: "Iíve finally grasped the world with both hands so tightly, knuckles orange-stained, and swallowed it, the sweet juice mingling with saliva." Oh, and this one: "I made a spectrum out of their eyes: grey, brightening to blue and then morphing into green, hazel, brown, dark brown. I remember their lips, the way they brushed against mine like moth wings, then disintegrating and leaving a thin film of dust." The whole piece, really. It was so splendidly and richly written, with character and grace and grief. I loved it! I hope you're very proud of this lovely bit of poetry, and for giving Cho some representation and voice! Amazing job! :D

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Review #9, by Wistful trundling

13th July 2013:
Oh. My. God.

I really - this was beautiful.

This was such a compelling piece to read, and I loved reading this. Your description had me in awe, and I was heartbroken over your portrayal of Cho. This was so real that I'm almost certain that it truly happened in the books, that it was some part that JK Rowling never included. It's just devestating: the beginning. Everything. I just really cannot find words. "It tasted like teenage angst and regret," is such an accurate description. And how Cho wants to let go but could not find it in herself to do so. And the ending. I wish I could say properly how amazing I found this and how much I enjoyed it but no words.

The description - it was so strong I would think I was really there. I felt like I was. This was fantastic.

This was really beautiful.

House Cup 2013

Author's Response: Wisty!!

Thank you so much; it's really an honor that you thought it was something that JK Rowling could've written or that it could've been something that happened in the books. Haha, for some reason, that line always makes me laugh a little bit, but I'm glad you thought it fitting!

I'm really glad you enjoyed the description. Thank you so much for all your lovely compliments! ♥

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Review #10, by academica trundling

13th July 2013:

I love all the different themes you included in this piece. It's interesting that Cho felt so bored with her adult life in the beginning and yet so inundated with grief for Cedric. In fact, I thought the parts where you described her sadness were some of the most poignant and interesting parts of this piece.

I also liked the second part, though. It feels right for Cho to begin overcoming her sadness by taking an adventure. It was like a new beginning when she met her eventual husband and felt new life by biting into the orange. The imagery in the final two paragraphs was really beautiful.

Great job!

House Cup 2013

Author's Response: Hi Amanda!

I'm so glad that you were able to pick up on different themes in this story and that you liked the description of her sadness in the first part of it.

Cho going on an adventure and the symbol of the orange were things that seemed fitting as a way for her to come to terms with Cedric's death, and it's great you felt so as well! I'm so happy you liked the final two paragraphs and the piece overall.

Thank you!

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Review #11, by LilyEPotter trundling

13th July 2013:
Hi! Here for the House Cup review!

I can see how Cho had trouble moving on from Cedric if she was so focused on what happens after death.

Adding the second person view into the story and blending it with the third person was different - very much like reading a novel and a choose-a-plot adventure. I had jut a little difficulty at the beginning of the second person mainly because I missed the cue for it. Perhaps bring the reader's attention to it a little more?

I do like that Cho met her future husband on her adventure. It was also interesting they were both going to the cemetery.

Great story!

Author's Response: The second person was something I was a bit apprehensive on while writing it, and I agree - I think it might've been a bit abrupt, so I'll definitely try to bring it more to the reader's attention in the future!

I'm glad you liked those aspects of it! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing c:

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Review #12, by Athene Goodstrength trundling

13th July 2013:
Here from the House Cup!

This story is incredibly beautiful. Ugly/beautiful in places, but just stunning all the time. Your selection and deployment of language is really creative and evocative. The imagery is almost hard to look at, but so vivid that I couldn't help it.

This was a really refreshing and interesting take on Cho. I really love the perspective on her relationships after Cedric - I'm oddly gratified to find a story where Harry isn't where her life starts and ends.

The only criticism I might have (and it's a small one, and a matter of personal taste - so I hope you're not offended and feel free to disregard!) is the use of the term 'life system' to describe the orange. It feels a little laboured, which is perhaps why it stands out to me in this otherwise seamless story... The vibrancy and life of the oranges has already been established, and I think the way that you go on to so effectively describe the decay beneath their feet is enough to draw a contrast. It's just me, but I might just have said 'orange' again there ;)

I really enjoyed reading this. You're a credit to Ravenclaw!

- Athene


Author's Response: Wow, thank you! It means so much that you thought so highly of the language and the imagery, especially because it was a style I hadn't really explored much before I wrote this.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this take on Cho! I agree, in a lot of Cho stories, Harry seems to be where her life ends, so making Cho more human and fleshing her out was something I was trying to accomplish while writing this, and it's wonderful that you found it refreshing.

That criticism is very helpful, thank you for pointing it out! I think I used that term to show how much her life had changed from the beginning, but I'm glad you think there would be enough contrast without it!

Thank you so much for this lovely review! :D

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Review #13, by Violet Gryfindor trundling

12th July 2013:
Wow, this story is excellently written, especially that first section with its confessional style, the intimacy of which offers more insight into Cho's character than we get from the entire HP series. I'm drawn to your portrayal of Cho as being caught in stasis - wanting to move on, but finding it impossible. Her world is cast in shades of death - she can't overcome what happened, and I think that a lot of her problem is also guilt, that if she does move on, it will be at Cedric's expense. She has to leave him behind, but she needs to find a way of doing so that doesn't mean abandoning his memory. It's a moving depiction of a grief transformed into depression (if not outright melancholy), and the style - fragmented, broken, perfectly reflects her state of mind.

This creates an interesting contrast with the second half of the story. Its language flows more smoothly, giving a sense of movement - the movement of the train, Cho's movement into a different state of mind. She becomes less morbid, instead revealing her sensitivity to the world around her, the things that have been and are - she's able to revel in experiencing the outside world, taking comfort in its real-ness. The way that you introduced this second with that hopeful statement "I'm going on an adventure" - well, it at least sounds hopeful - is curious, and I'm still thinking over that line. Does she mean "adventure" ironically, or does it instead point to just how isolated and reclusive she has become? Or does it also foreshadow what's to come, that the next big adventure is waiting for her, and she's finally going out to seek it? There's a lot just in that one line - it suits the style of the story as a whole, how it is open-ended and bittersweet. Cho is in this in-between stage, and it is oddly fitting that in revisiting the grave - the memory that keeps holding her back - she discovers the way forward.

There's something elusive and ambiguous about the story that makes me keep looking back, reading over sentences and paragraphs. I've really enjoyed reading this and I think you've done a wonderful job with Cho's characterization. However, it's the style of your writing that makes this story so compelling, your use of imagery and your syntax coming together to create something beautiful. Incredible work! ^_^

Author's Response: I'm so sorry this response is so late!

Wow, I'm so glad that you were able to gain more insight into her character from this fic than you were from the HP series - I think there was a lot of unexplored potential for her, and I wanted to hopefully develop her character more here. I agree - she's definitely caught in a stasis in the first half of the story, conflicted between moving on with her own life and moving towards the future again or dwelling on the past and on Cedric's death. Guilt is very much a large part of her problem, and I think it's very hard for her to think about her future or even be happy without feeling like Cedric might have - and should have - been able to experience the same things. I'm so glad you think that the style fits in with her emotions and state of mind at the beginning of the story.

It's lovely to hear that you think the style of the second half also fits what's happening in it. I'm glad you were able to find so many different meanings behind that line, and I think it's definitely a combination between all of those - it's an adventure not just in that Cho is trying to escape the sad monotone and routine her life has fallen into but also because it's such a big leap for her to finally step out of her comfort zone and face some of her fears and try to come to terms with Cedric's death after so many years. I never thought about it before, but I'm so glad you pointed it out - by facing her past, she's able to move on towards her future.

It means a lot to hear that you enjoyed reading it, especially because you've been one of my favorite authors here even before I started writing fanfic. Cho's characterization and the writing style here were the two main things that I was worried about while writing this, and I'm so glad hthat you liked them! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and for all your wonderful compliments! ♥

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Review #14, by ATLpaintingflowers trundling

12th July 2013:
This was beautiful, that was legitimately the word I thought of when I was reading this. I almost kind of cried at the end. I love how this is not just a physical journey, but an emotional journey as well. I loved how she learned to let go at the end. You captured the theme of traveling wonderfully. Really this was great.

Author's Response: Thank you, I can't believe it almost made someone cry! Yes, it was definitely also an emotional journey for Cho, perhaps more so than a physical one, and I think that, too, was also part of her traveling. I'm really glad you liked it!

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Review #15, by patronus_charm trundling

11th July 2013:
Hello there, Iím here for a bit of Ravenclaw review tag!

Iíve just finished reading this one-shot and Iím feeling a bit in awe and slightly jealous of your amazing talent. This one-shot was simply brilliant, and I loved everything about it! It fitted the house cup theme so well and especially with Cho having the leading part of it which gave it even more house spirit!

You had really wonderful imagery in this one-shot, some of the best Iíve come across in a long time if Iím honest. Iím going to bore you with quoting my favourite parts but itís so good I canít let it go! ĎBoredom is a fungus, and it festers in the soul, sucking all color, all light, all life.í ♥ and this ĎI made a spectrum out of their eyes: grey, brightening to blue and then morphing into green, hazel, brown, dark brown.í Theyíre just so wonderfully unique and eloquently written, I adored them!

Choís characterisation in this one-shot was also excellent executed! You made her a sympathetic and relatable character and thatís something hard to do for her. One thing I really liked was how vulnerable you made her. The fear of the graveyards was something which represented that really well and it was such a poignant moment. It really showed how much Cedricís death affected her and continued to do even years on, and it honestly brought a few tears to my eyes!

Then there was another aspect of the one-shot which was also great and that was the way Cho grabbled with other peopleís expectations of her. You showed it in lots of ways such as them thinking she visited Cedricís grave regularly and how they were telling her to let go yet she didnít want to. I donít really know if Iím really expressing what I truly feel but what I want to say is that you handled her complex emotions regarding it all brilliantly and Iím very impressed by it.

Then her adventure! That was lovely ♥ You managed to change the mood of the story there really well moving it from bittersweet to almost hopefully perfectly. I could just sense the different atmosphere now that she had left her house and how that affected her mood and it all worked really well.

The use of second person narrative worked really well here! It didnít faze me at all and flowed seamlessly into the story which isnít something I can always say about it! Iím glad that you didnít reveal his name because he felt more canon and real in a way. I also thought his characterisation was amazingly well written here too. I found him oddly identifiable for the little I knew about him.

The ending line ĎBehind me, a trainís whistle echoes distantlyí was a perfect way to wrap up the one-shot. It sort of symbolised that the worries of Choís former life were now disappearing and with this man she could hopefully have a better one.

I am going to wrap up this review too, due to running out of adjectives to describe this story! I really, really loved it and thought it was perfect! ♥


Author's Response: I'm so sorry this is such a late response, but thank you so much for this incredible review, Kiana ♥ I'm so glad you think it fits the house cup theme well! Haha, in hindsight, I'm really glad I picked Cho - yay for Ravenclaw spirit!

Thank you so much for your compliments on the imagery! In the first part of the story, I was trying to use the imagery to show the dullness and greyness of Cho's life even so many years after Cedric's death and how much it had an affect on her. In the second part of the story, I think the imagery is much more hopeful and I tried to make it more colorful, especially in the part at the end when they're at the garden next to the cemetery. It's wonderful that you found those two lines unique ♥

It's great to hear that you liked Cho's characterization in this one-shot! I think Cho is often portrayed as very weepy and annoying, and in this one-shot, I wanted to make her a more relatable and human character through her mourning Cedric's death but also through an ability to finally move on so many years later. Her fear of graveyards also gave her a more relatable and human quality, and I'm so glad you noticed it and were able to sympathize with Cho.

Because of Cedric's death, I think there were a lot of expectations other characters would have of her and ways they would expect her to react to his death, and a lot of people would be telling her to let go of the past and move on, especially once the war ended and everyone else was trying to pick up the pieces and move on with their lives. I think the main conflict for Cho in the first part of the story and even in the books was grappling with Cedric's death. On the one hand, Cho wants to move on, but on the other, there's a part of her that still can't let go and a part of her that would feel guilty about moving on, thinking that it might almost be an insult/disrespectful of Cedric's memory.

After I wrote this, I was worried that the shift from the gloomy first section to the hopeful second section might be too abrupt and sudden, but I'm glad you hear that you thought the mood change worked well! I think just leaving her house and leaving the city, both of which have settled into a boring, gloomy routine, and going on a trip to a different setting, one that ends up being much more vibrant and happier than she thought it would be, is a large shift not only in setting, but also in mood, and I'm glad you picked up on that!

The second person narrative I was a bit unsure of because I was worried it might be too jarring, but it's wonderful to hear that you think it flowed well with the rest of the story! Haha, I think one of the reasons I didn't want to use third person for him was because I wasn't able to come up with a character and decided to leave it more open ended for readers to interpret, so thank you for letting me know that the second person made him feel more real and identifiable!

The last line is almost bittersweet in a way, and I definitely agree with your interpretation of its symbolism - even though Cedric's death still had and always will have an important affect on her, Cho's old life and her sadness and mourning are finally fading away into the distance.

Thank you so much for reading this story and for your wonderful review! ♥

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