Reading Reviews for Clash
  
176 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LavenderBlue Rattle

10th April 2014:
Well gosh. Just when I thought I couldn't be more in love with this story, you threw in a Poe quote.

I think I promised in Chapter 1 that my reviews wouldn't be all gushing. And while there is of course still going to be gushing, I do have some thoughts on the story as a whole so far.

My main area of concern is why there was absolutely no intervention in Rose's trial. I hesitate to bring this up because I'm not sure if withholding that information is part of a plot device. And if that's the case, you can throw all of the following out the window. I do find it difficult to believe, given the information I know, that not one of Rose's relatives--Ginny, extant grandparents, and Weasley aunts and uncles included--would take an interest in her quandary and allow her to be adopted by a man with no known relation to her. Despite what Rose's actions did to the family name, blood is thicker than water, and I would think that at least one member of her Gryffindor-heavy family wouldn't just abandon her. This is the only part of the plot for which I've had to suspend my disbelief, and now that we're into Chapter 5, I've grown a little antsy as to why that issue hasn't been addressed yet. Again, I know this story is often told out of chronological order, so perhaps that's something that will come up in later chapters (which I intend to read!). But I did want to present it as an area of interest.

Right. Back to the chapter at hand. You've done an excellent job of keeping up the air of mystery. At any given point, there's always at least one pressing question about plot in my mind. How close is Rimbaud to achieving resurrection? What grand scheme is Albus orchestrating? Pacing has been right on until now and continues to be for this chapter.

James and Albus. :( Tragic, but completely believable. It's refreshing to see the Golden Boy Gryffindor from an outsider's POV. Much as JKR's works are filled with black sheep, her hero was THAT Gryffindor, the Chosen One, the guy who chose the moral high ground. But you do have to wonder what someone like Harry (and by extension James) looked like to outsiders. Stupid? Weak? Foolhardy? It's an interesting character study, especially from Albus' perspective.

Some nitpicks: "Reporters...fled to the country." "Fled" implies that they were running away, rather than than toward something. Perhaps replace with "flocked"?

This is the third time in two chapters that you've referred to Rose's red Weasley hair as "tell-all." Perhaps consider varying the description?

"That struck a cord with him" should be "struck a cHord."

I cannot stop reading there. IMPOSSIBLE. This may be the end of requested reviews, but rest assured I'm going to be reading and reviewing on! I've adored this story so far, and as much as I like to hand out concrit, I can't think of anything else to critique. You've got a talent, and it's been so rewarding to see it play out through this story. Keep up the great work!

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Review #2, by LavenderBlue Jolt

10th April 2014:
Bless you, Mr. Walker, for bringing Scorpius back in the story. Clearly, he plays an important role. I WANT ALL THE PARTS, TOO.

So, you're making my Scorose heart beat all a pitter-patter here, but even in the midst of all the fun and feels, I'm so glad that you still manage to thread the plot throughout. This isn't just fluff and filler, it's plot progression that just so happens to be extra enjoyable for Scorpius and Rose shippers. And that's just as it should be, in my opinion.

Whaaa. Harry used the cruciatus on Albus? D: I don't care if it was for conditioning or not, that is obscene. I can still see how Harry would (wrongly) justify it--after all, he had to fight off the Dark Lord starting at age twelve and would want to prepare his own son for whatever was to come. Still, that was a jarring revelation. I never imagined that Harry would make a particularly great father, but it's hard to read him as an abusive parent. Even so, you do work that characterization into your narrative and inject it with a realism that doesn't rip my Harry-loving self out of the plot.

Plot is moving at a good pace. While there may not be any foreseeable end that Rose or Albus are currently working toward, knowing what I do from a future perspective is enough to keep my interest piqued. Dude. What's up with Diagon Alley? o.o Yet another itching question that must be answered by further reading.

I loved the description the five steps toward impending doom. That's the fun of writing a retrospective: the narrative can have such clear-sighted, eloquent framing. I'm on tenterhooks, waiting to find out more about just how Rose's dark magic has evidently sent the magical world topsy turvy.

Stellar chapter. I should be back later today or tomorrow for Review #5!

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Review #3, by LavenderBlue Rupture

10th April 2014:
Okay, I have to say it. There's a small part of me that thinks of Titanic every time the story shifts back to Mr. Walker and Rose. Maybe it's just because it's an older woman named Rose telling her life story, but there's some definitely Celine background music going on right now. Bahaha.

Ahem. And now for something completely different.

Your perception of character motivation is so dead on.

"Rose was the only one who could keep his pace. And Albus just didn't like sharing." YES. THIS. It's a common phenomenon, what Albus is putting Rose through. It's completely messed up, but it's such a real and visceral relational dynamic. "At times, it felt as though he was trying to keep her as isolated as possible." You think, Rose?! Maybe it's because he's doing EXACTLY THAT.

It's at this point that I realize that Rose and Albus remind me of the characters Valentine and Peter from Orson Scott Card's "Ender's Game." Have you read? I mention only because if you haven't, and you like to read the same sort of complex, twisted relationships that you write, I think you'd enjoy it.

Sickly Hugo. D: MY BROKEN HEART. I do like that you give us these scenes between Rose and Hugo. It reminds us vividly of just what Rose is fighting for, and that's important, given the fact that she's up to some highly suspect shenanigans to save Hugo.

AH. The spider scene. It is so twisted, so insanely messed up, and I LOVE IT. Albus works in a way that creeps under my skin. He may not need Rose, but he wants her in a way he doesn't want any other type of companion; and the only time he backs down or puts his remorseless actions in check is when he senses that she's pulling away from him. I got physically ill at the thought of Rose being coerced into casting a killing curse. And hey, when your writing can make a person physically ill, that's a sure sign you're doing something right. :]

This is golden: "She told herself that webs could be cleaned, but it wasn't about just the spiders, you see. It was so much more than just spiders.

It had been easy to forgive him. Rose always forgave him.

But forgetting was dangerous."

Your fluid shift between both Albus' and Rose's states of mind does an excellent job of showing how both of them can peg but also underestimate the other.

And in the midst of all this insanity, we learn that Al's owl is named Dudley. Bahaha. Love it.

I'm glad that Hugo brings up the resurrection magic in regard to Ron and Hermione. Someone had to do it eventually, and it only makes sense that it would be practical Hugo, who would have the most to gain from it. Reading Rose/Hugo interactions interspersed with Rose's training with the Head are a bit like watching a train wreck in slow motion. We know it's not headed anywhere good.

Meanwhile, SCOROSE FEELZ. Scorose feels that are totally twisted by suspicious motives and Albus attempting to work in his puppeteer ways. >:]

Grammar: "If you read ever Phyllid Spore" is, I believe, supposed to read "If you ever read."

"Rose lied in the vicinity" should be "Rose lay." The ever trickstery lie/lay conundrum. :]

"He has people he uses and then disregards them." Disregards works here, but I wondered if you meant "discards"?

CAN'T STOP READING. SO BLEEPING GOOD. See you in Chap 4.

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Review #4, by LavenderBlue Him

10th April 2014:
GOOD. Mr. Walker and Grandma Rose are going to continue to be a part of the narrative. I like the tone that these intros give to the rest of the chapter. It's very much in the vein of a film noir or an investigative journalism piece, and I think that's perfect, given the dark ambiance of the storytelling itself.

Ugghh, father and son feelzzz. D: The Albus/Harry outing was beautifully written, but it's heartbreaking, too, to see that while Harry was well-intentioned about bringing Albus along on business, it was still a brash and short-sighted (ahem, Gryffindor) thing to do. Harry's actions warped a temperament that was already predisposed to warping.

I appreciate that the narrative points out the fact that rebellion is only natural for two children of the Golden Trio--but their rebellion is subtle, ambitious, experimental. It's uncanny how much Albus resembles a young Tom Riddle in this passage: the ambition, the sociopathy, the thirst for knowledge, the boredom with lesser minds around him. Albus may not be a purist, but you can see the makings of a superiority complex simply because he won the intelligence lottery.

I like Scorpius and Albus' relationship for the reason I like so many other aspects of this story: it's a unique take. I have yet to read a fic in which Scorpius is essentially the lapdog of a borderline sociopathic Albus. It's always a much cleaner, cuter bromance. And while I love me a bromance, I'm fascinated by this dysfunctional friendship. You've painted a believable picture, and I'm excited to see how the relationship continues to develop.

Meanwhile, you can see the beginnings of a foil-like relationship between Albus and Rose. Both are brilliant, yes, and it's clear from the opening narratives that both must've committed some heinous crimes. But at their core, there's a difference. Rose is empathetic, someone who does the wrong things out of love. Meanwhile, it's clear that Albus is missing that ability, that compassion. They may both have similar ambitions, but they ultimately want to achieve those goals for different reasons. GAH. So well crafted. Yet again, I've found no red flags in character or plot development.

Quick spelling note, which you may have already caught by now: "pensiEve" instead of "pensive" for the actual magical object. Rowling is such a clever little wordsmith with her homophones. :]

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Review #5, by LavenderBlue Her

10th April 2014:
LavenderBlue here with your requested review!

I decided it would be easiest to leave an individual review for each of your requested chapters, so here's the first of five!

You've got a fantastic hook here. You reeled me into the story from the start, and I love that you've chosen such a unique approach to a Next Gen story. Grandma Rose Weasley? No more witches and wizards?! THE LAST OF HER KIND?! WOT. From the start, you plant pressing questions in your reader's mind, and that makes for a compelling narrative. The only way the reader (aka ME) is going to find out the answers is by continuing to read.

Characters development is strong. I like that you give Walker a goal from the get-go. He's an obsessive who's devoted his entire life to finding out what Rose has to tell him, and it doesn't seem like he'll stop at anything to achieve that goal. I'm not sure how much we'll see of Walker in the rest of the story, but even if he's only a plot device, he's a solid one.

As for Rose, she's dynamic from her very introduction. Her assertion that she's a parasite and that she could kill any and everyone in her path if she wanted? Dude. That is just the sort of character I wanted to read more about. As for young Rose, ROCK ON. She's stubborn, gritty, and she would do anything for her loved ones. Maybe it's just that I'm a sucker for anti-heroes and heroes forced to do shady things for good reasons, but this Rose Weasley is my kind of gal. Sad as it is that she's orphaned, I think that removing the parental element from her life (and introducing sketch Vincent Auror Dude in its stead, and I am LOVING him, btw) makes this story stand out from the typical Next Gen fic.

I am curious, though, as to why Rose's extended family didn't show up for the trial. Are they really that terrified by Rose's frightening display of dark magic? Or is there something else going on there? I'm curious to find out.

The only passage that struck a wrong chord with me is when Vincent tells Rose, point-blank, of his intention to become Minister of Magic. The language sounded just a little over-the-top/villain-monologue to me. I understand that Vincent is trying to shock Rose into a reaction, but would he really unload all of that on her from the start? Especially when he's so subversive and secretive in all other aspects of his life? A small scruple, but one I thought was worth noting.

Lastly, may I take a moment to state how delicious your prose is? Sooo gorgeous. This passage: "At its core though, magic isn't just a collection of spells. It's not a compilation of potion ingredients. It's not the stream of light that comes out the end of a First Year's shaky wand. It is the essence of consciousness, a fixation, an algorithm, an amplified mixture of willpower and highly concentrated neural energy." Unggg. Beautiful. The only thing better than reading a compelling plot is reading a compelling plot that reads like poetry. Yum.

I swear that these reviews will not just be pure gushing. :] This chapter was a treat, however, and so far I can't pinpoint any weak spots in either your character or plot development. On to Chap 2!

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Review #6, by kenpo Him

7th April 2014:
This is dark and twisty and awesome. Your characters are SO ridiculously flawed, and I love it!

Al's memories were disturbing, particularly the first one, with Harry... on one hand, I really want details about what was goingon, but on the other hand, I'm fine with being in the dark.

I think the way you wrote the sorting was brilliant. It seems so fitting, and I love how the fact that he tried to manipulate the hat into putting him somewhere else put his fate into stone... it made so much sense.

I love how Rose doesn't give answers. She seems so dark and stubborn and... I don't even know. This is such a cool story, and I need to remember to read it more!

You've also got a really clean style. I didn't see many noticeable grammar or punctuation errors.

This review is so lame, but I can't think of much to say other than that you're doing an awesome job with these characters, and you've got a really intersting plot going.

Author's Response: Ahh the Albus chapter. I had too much writing this. Glad you enjoyed the Sorting scene--of course he'd try to manipulate the Hat; he's Slytherin!

Rose is crazy stubborn haha, but so is Mr. Walker. Sometimes what she doesn't say is more important than what she does.


Thanks so much for your high praise! I hope you continue reading!


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Review #7, by pseudonym here Plan

6th April 2014:
As always, I loved this chapter.
Though my usual reviews are around three words long with as much tact as a sledgehammer (so great! update... etc.), I've decided that this deserves a proper review. Please forgive me if I slip a sentence or two of ungraceful gushing in it.

I've learned that this story is not for the light-hearted. In comparison to other stories, this is neither the darkest or the most addicting. However, it is by far the most well-done. I can tell that you have put much time and effort into the plotline of the story as well as to how it will be conveyed. Your symbolism and foreshadowing are always done fantastically, and though it takes work to keep tr-ack of the setting, it is completely worth it.

I did, as you may have expected (you say as much in your Author's Note) think your character of Harry Potter a bit Out Of Character, and I am happy to see that you have plans for his character development. In fact, I think a lot of your characters need a bit more character development. Though Albus's malevolence and Rose's determination makes me stare at my computer in awe, Scorpius and the other characters have little screen time and character. I trust that in further chapters they will all be developed.

I am very excited to see where you take this (and see the trio's dynamics together.)

Have a wonderful day and I hope to see an update soon!

Author's Response: Haha this is story is definitely not for weak-hearted, but I'm glad it suits your tastes. Would you believe it's only going to get darker from here?

It's meant to be a little to work, keeping track of all that goes on, because its a slow unraveling mystery: each scene is intentionally left ambiguous at the beginning. There's a lot of reading between the lines. I don't want to make things too easy for readers ;)

Oh yes! All the characters will developed and there are actually entire chapters dedicated to the characters/story of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Don't you worry! And Scorpius is going to more prevalent in the story from this point on.

:)


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Review #8, by Pia Plan

5th April 2014:
What a chapter! If the quiet times are like this I wonder how the storm is going to be! ;)
So now Rose knows what Albus did but she protected him because she cares about him and she wants to finnish the potion, however I wonder what weight more in her decision, the love or the interest?
Also English is not my first language so I might misunderstood it but when Albus said that the Head is his father's predecessor, you meant say sucessor, right?
After I read a new chapter of this story I get a big urge to write something but I almost never do that because when I do it's so bad that I just want to cry! haha :) What I mean is that your story is inspirational!!
This is a bit random but while I was reading this I started to listen a choir version of Nirvana's Lithium without really notice what I was listening (I love your music suggestion too btw) and during the whole Rose and Albus confrontation I notice the lyrics:
"I like it - I'm not gonna crack
I miss you - I'm not gonna crack
I love you - I'm not gonna crack
I killed you - I'm not gonna crack"

Creepy stuff, right? :D

Please, try to write faster next time and have a wonderful weekend!

Author's Response: Hey again! Hohoho a storm's coming alright, and we're finally get to see Rose-Albus-Scorpius in dark action scenes. Love or interest? --we'll explore more of that in future chapters. Not sure if Albus can handle Rose saying that she loves him ;)

I totally meant successor. Fixed that. :p

don't worry, writing makes all writers want to cry. I cringe whenever I read some of my older stuff. Trust me, you're never as bad as you think you are. Just keep writing!

I had to youtube the song and I definitely agree. It's the right amount of creepy for Rose and Albus! I'm always looking for songs that suit my story --going on the playlist.

Next chapter is almost done ;)


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Review #9, by CambAngst Him

3rd April 2014:
Tagging you back from the exceedingly quiet, of late, Review Tag!

You have created some amazingly flawed characters in this story. Deeply disturbed and and twisted in the most interesting ways. I love all of the psychological angles you worked into this chapter, the personality dysfunctions and the power dynamics. It was really well done.

I liked the way that Rose refused to make things easy for her interrogator. She could have given him an answer that was short, simply and woefully inadequate, but she doesn't. It seems that Albus's sociopathy was the product of so many small things that could have gone differently in his life.

Whatever is going on with Harry in the first memory was incredibly twisted. Harry knows that Albus is the only one of his children who's capable of being jaded enough to resist the urge to come running to his aid, but in doing so he makes the boy even more jaded. Unfeeling. Distant. Walled off with only his own bitterness at the mistreatment to keep him company. Small wonder Albus turned out the way he did.

“Who will stop the new dark lords, Daddy?”

“My dear Albus,” Harry sighed, running a hand over the frightened boy’s head, “I won’t be around forever.”
-- It took me a couple of readings to catch the true meaning of this exchange, but once I did it was chilling. It seems like Harry is, after a fashion, trying to shape Albus the same way that Harry's tormented youth shaped him into the one who was able to put his own well-being aside and defeat the Dark Lord. Only it backfires. Horribly.

The Sorting Hat seems to have him pretty well figured out, doesn't it? You just can't fool the ratty, old thing.

Nothing can quite match the awful cruelty of jealous children. I have the awful feeling that we're watching another stone being laid in Albus's wall of emotional detachment. Perhaps several. And when Scorpius befriends him, Albus simply discovers how to use him. To manipulate his "friend" at every turn.

Scorpius, in turn, is pretty awful to Rose. I wonder whether jealousy plays a role, along with whatever attraction he might have for Albus's cousin. After all, Albus and Rose are made out to be very close. Closer, for sure, than Albus and Scorpius.

In spite of all of his horrible personality traits, I felt bad for Albus after Harry, Ron and Hermione die. His emotional walls are so thick by that point that he can't even grieve. All of the feelings simply twist into anger.

“Can I ask you something, Rose? Do…do you think there’s hope for me?” -- We never hear her answer, but I don't see the likelihood as being very strong.

Your writing was fantastic in this. I didn't see a single typo or mistake and the whole thing flowed so smoothly. It didn't feel nearly so long as it was. Great job!

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Review #10, by TidalDragon Hold

16th March 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by in response to your review request.

I want to start by saying that on the whole, I think you have a largely exceptional plot. The whole idea you are exploring is, at least as far as I have ever read (which is admittedly not much Next-Gen), groundbreaking, which makes it immediately interesting to me.

You also do a good job transitioning from one POV to another so that the story flows smoothly - even when you return to the interview between Walker and Rose. When I originally scanned the word counts of the chapters, I expected to feel that they were long, but have been pleasantly surprised to find no real filler. Each scene used is important and purposeful and I think the complexity of the plot and the fact you're developing it as a mystery being unearthed through an interview after the fact avoids my feeling like things are moving too slow with the Albus and Rose parts of the plot.

You definitely have very well-crafted and developed MCs in Rose and Albus. Scorpius is fairly well-developed too, though I am left a touch skeptical that he was simply taken in by Albus's Riddle-esque charisma/manipulation. There are also small internal inconsistencies, such as where you refer to both Albus and Scorpius as "alpha males". Regardless of how expert a manipulator Albus is, I have to feel that based on his lap-dog behavior and willingness to be humiliated and subjugated by Albus, Scorpius does not live up to the moniker "alpha male".

For me the biggest issue is dealing with the whole issue of the Trio and other canon characters. I'm just not sure how I feel about them. Now we seem to be getting that there is "method to the madness" at least as well as how Ginny "broke". Clearly Harry, Ron, and Hermione had some purpose behind what they did that I assume you are building up to revealing. Based on where Rose and the now-dead wizarding world have ended up it seems like that purpose was either incredibly dark or just not realized. I absolutely get why you take a long time developing this, but at the moment it feels a little too long in having gotten developed. I say this primarily because: (1) I've spent almost the entire story thinking Harry is massively OOC in his treatment of Albus; (2) I thought the handling of Ron, Hermione, and Ginny was a major plot short cut until the past 2-3 chapters; and (3) that the absences of Arthur and Molly, Hermione's parents, and other Weasley family members to be a bit too convenient for setting up Rose's "lot in life".

At the same time, I can almost see where the post-war picture you've created of the canon characters COULD come true, but I'm not sure if I'll ultimately be able to embrace it - particularly Harry's abuse of Albus (regardless of whether it ends up being in some misguided pursuit of the greater good). I don't know, perhaps as it goes on it will feel like a masterful ending, but right now I'm feeling that whatever their motives, they're being portrayed VERY OOC for a fic that is not listed as AU. It's very compelling, very inventive, and very dark - addicting to read, but it still gives me pause and undermines my feelings about the story a bit.

Ultimately though, you are the author and the plot is yours. It's not too confusing and I can follow it, so if those characterizations fit your overall endgame, I'd say keep them (though maybe consider an AU classification?). Your writing style, language, and progression is pretty impeccable and you develop your main characters really well, so despite my own misgivings about the canon folks, I think you've got a super story. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Hey there! Firstly, thanks for an absolutely wonderful review--you've definitely helped me with a lot of concerns I had.

So my biggest concern, was, even during the course of writing it, the characterization of Harry Potter and the canon folks. Your thoughts on the subject are absolutely valid, so I'll address them in the order that you had them. (1) Yes, that scene with Harry and Albus does not embody the Harry we know from the books. Without giving too much, all I can say is that it's intentional. Its meant to make you wonder what could have happened what caused such a drastic change in the Harry we know. (2) It was necessary to keep things under wraps until they became relevant, as to not confuse and overwhelm the reader, but I can see how that might have backfired. From chapter 2, Reader's told that harry, ron, and Hermione are dead. And it's in chapter 3, I believe, that we find the Potter household falling apart. I do give hints pertaining to Ginny's state of mind but perhaps they've been a bit understated. hmm...I'll keep this in mind. (3) It's in chapter 4 that I mention The rest of the family had to leave the country because any affiliation with Rose (having brought back the dead) would put them in danger. Arthur and Molly have passed away at this point into the story, though that hasn't been explicitly stated yet. It will be. Hermione's parents are muggles and Rose would not involve them in this. I would presume all they know is that Rose and Hugo are living with their Aunt.


I do have an endgame in mind, and I certainly do hope it's masterful. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this for me (especially ten chapters). I will definitely keep all your concerns in mind as I continue writing this.

Thanks so much.

Shez


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Review #11, by Siriusly Black Her

15th March 2014:
Oh wow! This is completely different to any next-gen fiction I've read. I love your distopian concept. The writing is beautiful and well done. I like your portrayal of Rose Weasley. You had me hooked from the very first lines.
I can't wait to read the rest.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it :)

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Review #12, by eclipse Hold

6th March 2014:
I have convinced myself for a while now that there were no longer any stories to be found that were simply riveting. This story has proven me wrong. I am in love with the path you have decided to take with the next generation. Instead of writing this generation as sublimely happy, you have chosen to follow the darker scenario of what could have happened in this world after the war... And I love it.

Furthermore, I adore the running motif of the story with "history always is repeated". As the reader, one is able to understand how Rose and Albus encompass past generations and the struggles related with that particular generation. The duo are similar to the founders with their need and love for knowledge and learning which did not end well, they are Dumbledore and Grindelwald and how power/ambition will destroy relationships, and they represent Harry and Voldemort in that they are two orphans with a choice to either be good or evil. It is no surprise then that Rose and Albus would play a part in the end of the Wizarding World if they represent the hardships from all the generations that came before them.

I also enjoy the fact that the story is meticulously thought out. Every scene we read has a purpose whether it is meant for character development or to simply keep the story progressing. There are no filler chapters to bore me (which I am extremely happy about). And I am very intrigued about the backstory as to why the Golden Trio would mold Rose and Albus into these people... Did they understand the extent of such consequences when they began teaching them? I do hope they are not dead. Thus, Rose and Albus can ask them these type of questions.

Basically, I love the premise and story you have written. And I lament the fact I must now wait for an update since I read all 10 chapters within hours.

Please continue being amazing!

Author's Response: TBH, Rowling's epilogue felt like a cop-out to me (though I think it was the intelligent thing to do. Readers wanted to see happy-with family!Harry after 7 long books of war and gore and everyone wanted to know who-got-with-who. It made sense but I don't think she adequately tackled the psychological repercussions of war. there is NO WAY Harry would have come out of it mentally healthy--it's not realistic. Ok, forget this tangent).

There are a lot of running motifs in this story, and yes those parallels are something I intended to draw (but not be blatant with). You're analysis is perfect. The hardships of Rose and Albus are meant to be universal: in their struggles to achieve and overcome and compete and survive and thrive, they embody countless generations before them. however (and this may or may not be a spoiler given how much you've thought about it) they manage to do something no generation has before. They bring a final and destructive END to magic, not only as a society but as an entity in existence (Old!Rose alludes to this in the very beginning, and so does Ollivander).

That's all I'll say for now. A lot of thought has gone into this story (lots of foreshadowy-things are hidden between the lines and scenes and dialogues) and I'm glad it's been thought-provoking as well as entertaining :) I always appreciates these sort of reviews--that really grasp at the bigger picture rather than the obvious details.

I can't answer your super-important questions right now but they are definitely relevant. Will try to update as soon as school allows me!

NO. YOU KEEP BEING AMAZING.

:)


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Review #13, by Felicia Hold

4th March 2014:
No no no! No more chapters! :( Now you have one more loyal reader waiting! (/me hopes that that is motivation!)

Anyway.

On these last few chapters.

Poor Albus, so broken. :( Or, not broken as such, but hungry, tired, hurt, out of his element and vulnerable, almost human. I wonder if he could see that coming when he refused to let Scorpius save Hogwarts?

I don't think Rose will really judge him for the killings. Or, at least I wouldn't, and she has been through a lot to get perspective. He did what he had to to survive. Maybe he could have just stunned them or something, but many fighting curses would have left them with injuries, quite possibly killing them anyway, but with more pain and suffering. And they were criminals, and they were attacking him, even though, of course, he did steal a wand first. But no, I don't see how killing in self defense would be so much worse than the things he has already done.

And the scene with Daphne... Eww. She could almost have been me. I would definitely have been a Ravenclaw at Hogwarts, but I still enjoy allowing myself to be naive, just like she was. It's in those scenes I see the monster Albus is, not when he fights and kills to survive.

Now, waiting and hoping for another chapter soon!

Author's Response: No, I don't think Albus saw ANY of this coming. (but honestly, did anyone?)

You bring up a couple of interesting points-- and I think Albus would agree with your rationale about the killings. Back in chapter three, he tells Rose that the Killing Curse yields, in his view, a more merciful death and here he really delivers on that. Sure he's fighting for his life and to some extend that's justifiable, but a small part of him (if we really really analyze) enjoys it. He's disgusted shortly afterwards, but I don't think he regrets doing what he felt had to be done. Rose might be a diff. story. We'll see.

On a side note, you may have noticed that there are no easy black-or-white, good-or-evil characters in this story. Rose and Albus consistently find themselves in tough moral situations, often where consequence of indecision may be death. It's easy to condemn Albus, but I think it makes very little sense to ignore the tortured-victim aspect of him. That fact that there are readers that still pity (and maybe root for?) him thrills me and really makes me excited for the next couple of chapters (where I turn you on your head again mwhaha).

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #14, by lizzie Hold

2nd March 2014:
so this story has absolutely blown me away. I love every little thing about it--the parallels that you've drawn between your characters, the story line, hell, your word use is amazing. I especially love the parallel between Ginny and rose--Ginny is who rose could have become. the only thing I would comment on is who Harry became--it doesn't make sense to me. I understand PTSD and everything, and maybe he became obsessed with mastering the mind, I can see that. but I think there needs to be more of a back story there. include, somehow, what his job was, exactly, and that could make more sense to why he tortured Albus. I think it's a good aspect of the story--it shaped albus, for sure--but it needs more explanation. anyway, I'm very VERY eagerly awaiting the next chapter and really hope it comes quickly :)

Author's Response: Don't worry, i'm intentionally revealing as little as possible at the moment about Harry, because I want the readers to wonder like you are. (Notice we haven't had a single Harry flashback since chapter two?) It's been thought out for a very long time and is integral/MAIN to the tale (and extends waayy further than PTSD). Once the backstory is revealed, everything will make sense. I promise :)

His job (he was an auror, like canon) doesn't play a super massive role in everything because most of what happened was under the radar. Everything will be mentioned and revealed in as shocking as a manner as possible and I promise not to leave any loose ends.

Thanks for stopping by! I'll try to update as soon as I can!


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Review #15, by Felicia Rattle

28th February 2014:
Captivating.

Creepy.

Sad.

And that psychopath character, so well aware of what he is - scary.

Please, please keep writing!

Author's Response: Thanks! Don't worry, I'll keep writing :)

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Review #16, by Pia Hold

26th February 2014:
Hi! I should have done this a when I read the chapter two or three weeks ago but I guess is better late than never, right?
So another amazing chapter but you most be careful because Albus was almost sweet in this chapter and that can't happen!! haha ;)
Seriously, the dimanic between Albus and Rose is always pure gold, if the entire story was just a long dialogue between them, it would still be better than 99% of the fancfictions out there!I'm really loking forward the next chapter, can't wait to see Rose's (and maybe Scorpius?) reaction to what Albus has done!
I bet things are never going to be the same again!

Author's Response: Hey there again!

Sleepy, needy, malfunctioning Albus was so much fun/painful to write here, and I agree he's almost sweet (Don't worry, he's back to normal next chapter haha) but I think Rose knows it's just a pre-recovery phase. Killing a few people takes its toll on you, you know?

Lots of Rose-Albus dialogues and developments coming up :)

Yes, that reaction is definitely coming up. Tough decisions will have to be made.

Thanks for stopping by!


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Review #17, by greenbirds Hold

25th February 2014:
this story... i don't know what to make of it. it's gotten me absolutely obsessed; i don't think i've ever read fanfiction like this before.
first of all, you've managed to pull it off magnificently, which is all due to your incredible writing skills- i'm awed.
but secondly, this story makes me feel so uncomfortable- i normally don't go for not-so happy next generations, they make me sad, and this totally puts me in a psyched up depression. i don't know what to make of this! i don't know what to make of albus, of the head, of this universe, of the deaths of the golden trio, of ginny? wow. please update soon- bea xx

Author's Response: *Slightly apologetic for putting you in a psyched depression but mostly pleased that you liked it*

Don't worry, your confusion makes total sense and is deliberate. Half the story's figuring what-the-heck-is-going-on.

Thanks for stopping by! I'll try to update as soon as I can!




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Review #18, by GingeredTea Rupture

18th February 2014:
Can I just start by saying that I absolutely love your introductions? You have this amazing talent of hooking me with the first line. I’m kinda settling this apology here, because I reread my review and realized your writing distracted me terribly from writing the review itself!

I love your Albus. He reminds me of a mix between Harry and Tom Riddle. Obviously you can tell why I am especially fond of him with a dramatic flare thrown in.. ;-)

“...those that misinterpreted this strange and possessive attachment he had with his cousin as inappropriate, but Rose knew the real reason was far more… childish. Rose was the only one who could keep his pace. And Albus just didn’t like sharing. Selfish ass.”

I loved this section. I love how you get into Rose’s head and she tries to get into Albus’ head as well. Oh my, I love your descriptions of non-physical things!

““They’re spiders, Rose. No one’s committing mass murder here.” He spoke with an air of impatience. “It will make potion testing much easier if you learn to do these things.”” What a creepy but logical boy Albus is!

I love how you can switch perspectives - with Rose and Hugo - and even though they’re not identified as a switch, it works so perfectly and seems so natural.

Rose’s struggle, as she realizes that Albus isn’t what she thought and as she goes off on her own - and figures it out - had me biting my nails!

Oh my...I got sucked in and now it’s the end of the chapter. I’ll close by saying you are simply brilliant and this idea (little of it that I know so far) is also brilliant.

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Review #19, by CambAngst Her

17th February 2014:
Hi, there! I'm here for the review swap.

I really love the idea of this. To me, there always seemed like so much potential for the Statute of Secrecy to act as much like a pressure cooker as a shield. Keeping magic limited to the shadowy, hidden world of witches and wizards for centuries must have led to a lot of disaffection and feelings of marginalization. It's just human nature.

The psychological aspects of how you wrote Rose's interaction with Mr. Walker were brilliantly done. He seems to be enthralled by her and terrified of her. He's trying so hard to maintain academic detachment and treat her as a subject of his research, but he can't completely manage to keep the personal feelings out of it. His curiosity seems like it could be his undoing.

"A graduate. Historian. An Intellectual. You came looking for answers, didn’t you? You want to know what happened that blew the best kept secret of mankind-magic. -- She obviously has a good read on him. She knows why he's really there and it looks like she plans to indulge him.

The Inevitable War -- I love that title!

"Surviving is a habit, Mr. Walker, which I have perfected over years of labored practice. The more you face, the more resilient you become. I have escaped death sentences before. If I liked, I could escape this cell, I could kill each and every one of the guards, I could kill you, and I would leave without too much trouble." -- I promise that I'm going to do more than just parrot your own writing back at you, but I loved this passage so much. You make her so cold and menacing, but in a really accessible and relevant sort of way.

The meditation on the nature and practice of magic contrasted beautifully with the anguish Rose feels as she sees her younger brother dying. While I wouldn't necessarily agree about the parallels between magic and physic, I think what you wrote in that section was a great expression of the concept. Rose's "go for broke" effort to cast aside everything and save Hugo's life felt like a huge moment.

The trial was probably the only section of this chapter where I thought you could have gone into a little more detail and gotten quite a return on the extra investment. To me, I think the scene could have benefited from a bit more context. How was Rose caught doing what she's accused of? What is the evidence against her? What, if any, defense has been mounted on her behalf. If I understand correctly, this was meant to be sort of a drumhead trial, similar to the one that was -- or wasn't, I suppose -- given to Sirius Black. Summary justice was being dealt for a crime deemed so heinous that the normal due process and rights of the accused were seen as insignificant. I just wish that more of that was explained or at least alluded to.

Looks like Harry's no longer the head of the Auror Department, another fact that I'm really curious to see explained. Reading between the lines, it seems like the Potters and Weasleys, in general, are no longer sitting in positions of influence in the magical world. Also, it sounds like Ron and Hermione are both deceased. I really hope we get to find out how all of the changes happened.

Vincent seems like a scary piece of work. He obviously has his own agenda and it sounds like he's utterly ruthless when it comes to making his plans a reality. I like how you've set him up as being cold enough to be willing to use Rose -- a pitiable yet obviously dangerous orphan girl -- as a tool to achieve his ends. At the same time, his inner monologue reveals some uncertainty, perhaps even a bit of vulnerability. He realizes that he has no idea what's involved with raising a child and the prospect seems to concern him. I wouldn't go so far as to say it frightens him, but there are plainly doubts there.

"They probably think you’re some reincarnation of Herpo or le Fay or, Merlin forbid, our most recent Tommy." -- I love that little one-liner. He certainly has a way of putting things in perspective.

Aww! And Rose's only real request is that she gets to see her brother. I love that you ended the chapter on such an endearing note.

Excellent job with this! I look forward to reading more!

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Review #20, by Lululuna Reverse

17th February 2014:
Hi there! :) Ahh it's been too long since I've left a review on this story! :(

The beginning is so chilling, how Rose digs up her parents... but by this point there isn't much that can disturb her except not knowing the truth, I suppose. You wrote that part so suspensefully (as always) and I was really nervous for what she might find. Interesting that Harry's wand was in his casket (also I'm clearly not awake yet as I thought there was actually a sprig of holly in his grave for most of the chapter. Ooops :P). I have no clue what could be going on and whether their parents are alive or not, but am really excited to find out.

I really love the flashbacks to her life with her parents. It's a little bittersweet, to see how happy and ordinary they were before they died, and how comfortable the world felt in comparison to the rest of the narrative. I love how you wrote Ron and Hermione as parents as well, how Hermione really wants Rose to be intelligent and motivated the way she was, and how good of a Dad Ron is. It's interesting too how she didn't like being around Albus, and how the other cousins pick on him as well.

If all goes well. Hermione rested her head on her husband’s shoulder. “They won’t be anything like us,” She murmured, “They may grow to hate us someday. Can you live with that?” Hmm, this was interesting. Do Ron and Hermione perhaps know more about the future than they're letting on? This conversation reminded me a little of Harry's ominous teachings with Albus. I could be grasping onto nothing here, but I'm very curious to find out!

“England’s the hub of the magical world. What happens here will inevitably spread to Bulgaria. I thought this was very clever and fit well with my head canon about the magical world. Kovy seems interesting as well, I'm excited to get to know him a little better. :)

She was familiar to him but also impersonal. He knew her but he didn’t really know her at all until now. I really like the Rose/Scorpius development and how he sees her. I feel like he does really want to know the real her and that it's more meaningful than a fascination of infatuation for the both of them. It's funny to think of how they might have gotten together in an alternate world.

I feel like this review is very scrambled - well, there was a LOT happening in this chapter :P - but one more little detail I want to mention is how Albus referred to Victoire (his cousin!) as Teddy's "veela girlfriend." It really shows what a cold person he is and how only people who are useful to him really count as people. The last scene was wonderful as well, though I feel sorry for the poor penguins! :(

A wonderful chapter, as usual. Your story always leaves me with more questions than answers, and I love it. Hopefully I'll be back for the next chapter soon! :D

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Review #21, by lindslo2012 Her

14th February 2014:
Wow...
This was very, very touching and made me want to cry.
Poor little Hugo, and poor, poor Rose:(
Even though it was very sad it was a very well thought out and written first chapter!
I think I will come back and read the rest when I have time! :)

Until next time,
-Lindsey :)

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Review #22, by caroline Hold

13th February 2014:
Love this :) There's not much mpre I can say. No constructive croticism. I like your writing style, your characters,the storyline, everything. This story makes things that are so wrong seem inevitable, like the best thing the characters coyld have done. It made me rethink Voldemort and his followers.

Author's Response: This is story is all about making those morally ambiguous decisions seem sensible and inevitable. Glad you're enjoying! (TBH, I've always really pitied Voldemort.)

Thanks for stopping by!


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Review #23, by Kat Hold

11th February 2014:
This story is amazing.I love it!!

Author's Response: Thanks! Glad you're enjoying it!

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Review #24, by EarthsTrueGreen Hold

10th February 2014:
Sorry i haven't reviewed for a while. Ive been busy. But i absolutely love it when you update. This chapter was great, even though there was no Scorpius (i hope that we will see him in the next chapter.) anyways I loved seeing Albus in the chapter, his character is really fascinating and i love reading him in your story. I enjoyed Rose and her interaction with other people in her job, it seems like she is really settling into a routine, even if she doesn't like it. Anyways i cannot wait until the next chapter, i really hope that you update super soon because i have to know what happens next. This story is one of my favorites on this site, if you abandon it i will hunt you down. Thank you so much for writing it and please update soon.

Author's Response: Hey no prob, glad you decided to stop by anyway :)

Yes, Scorp's coming up next chapter, and we'll get some more character development for him. Glad you're enjoying Albus--the soft, needy side of him to write here was especially hard.

I'll try to update as soon as I can! Unfortunately school is kicking my butt right now but next chapter is in the works!


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Review #25, by evil little devil Hold

7th February 2014:
Another stunning chapter! I still can't get over how gorgeous your writing is, it sets the atmosphere so perfectly.
I'm so glad Rose and Albus are back together - the dynamic they have together is just so fasinating. Even though they have so much dislike for each other, they're still so important to each other - that Albus will come to her for safety, and that she will take care of him, no matter what they've done to each other. I am curious to see what Rose's reaction will be to the killings. I don't think she'll turn him over, at worst, maybe tell him to go away. It's tricky, because she knows he's done terrible things, and that he's capable of terrible things, and she helps him anyway - and yet knowing he's capable, and knowing he's actually killed people, are two different things.
I am very curious as to who that old man is, who had the small little narration in the middle. Is he just a watcher, or does he intervene?
I thought it was very interesting when Rose was comparing herself to Ginny. I did assume that Ginny had been a little off the deep end before the trio left - there had to be a reason she didn't go with them. I did think at first that it may be because they wanted to have someone left to watch over the kids, but perhaps it was more than that.
As always, I'm left with more questions than answers! I can't wait to see what happens next. Excellent chapter, as always! :)

Author's Response: I love writing Rose and ALbus scenes, probably my favorite thing ever. They have their differences, their fights, but there's a sort of mutual admiration underlying the hostility. I think Rose is fascinated by Albus, not in the romantic sense obviously, but she shares an emotional (or cerebral?) connection with him she doesn't with anyone else. And vice versa.

We'll see what becomes of them later on :)

You bring up an interesting point-- on a latent level Rose is aware of that ALbus is capable of horrible deeds--and I agree that distinction between being capable of and actually committing murder is very important. It fits into the overarching theme of this story: comitting taboos. The extent to which Rose and ALbus--knowingly--go to in their various quests, all the people they hurt, endanger. Does the end always justify the means? Personally, I think that even a perfectly moral person can be driven to cruel and atrocious deeds via desperate circumstances. Granted Albus isn't perfectly moral (more on the opposite end of the spectrum) but it's the same notion of survival, looking-after-yourself vs. doing-the-right-thing. As you may have noticed, both Rose and Albus place survival over everything else (Rose for her brother, well-intentioned but still). It's a commonality that binds them together, even when they're angry with each other. Their actions do/will have far-extending consequences and we'll get to see exactly what that entails. Lots of shocking things in store.

Enough of that haha. That old man does become important and there's a lot more to be told about the Golden trio. Lots, lots, more.

Thanks for stopping by. :)


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