Reading Reviews for Clash
  
308 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Rachel Descend

22nd January 2015:
I am absolutely loving this story. I wanted to stay up all night and keep reading and I've thought about little else since I woke up - a sign of a captivating read which I last experienced from Mrs Rowling herself writing as Robert Galbraith. Keep writing - you're doing an amazing job and I can't wait to find out how it all ends!!!

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Review #2, by mymischiefmanaged Rescue

10th January 2015:
So after our swap the other day I accidentally read the rest of your story (genuinely accidentally. I should have been writing my dissertation)...and wow, it's really so so good.

I'm not sure what to say in this review that could be helpful so I thought I'd just offer you some of my thoughts on your characters.

ROSE: You make Rose delightfully ambiguous. On the surface of things she seems to be driven by love, but then lots of her actions aren't so clearly motivated. Plus the fact she can't make sense of her feelings for anybody except Hugo makes her intentions less straightforward. I think she's very confused. She's incredibly clever but she's been thrown into a situation she isn't quite equipped to deal with. She desperately needs a parent figure to guide her and care about her while they do it, but all she has is Albus so she has to make do. Some of her best moments are those in which she finally gets through to Albus, and I like that she never (at least so far) gives up on him, but still makes it clear that he is not her ultimate priority. She's an extremely interesting character and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take her to develop her into the elderly witch we see at the beginning.

ALBUS: So i'm sure you've had lots of feedback on Albus. I think your creation of his character is probably the most impressive thing about this novel, and I get the impression that writing him might be what you enjoy the most? He's so sinister and psychotic, and in some ways his rare moments of humanity make him still scarier, because it seems he's capable of caring but chooses to ignore it? I hate the way he calculates every move he makes socially to get what he wants from people, but I love the way you write it. I'd like to see his attitudes to Scorpius developed further, but I could understand if you chose to keep it a mystery. We know that Scorpius loves him, and the relationship in some ways is made more interesting by the fact that how Albus feels is a mystery. If I were to guess I'd see he's fond of him, but doesn't feel any emotional attachment. Whereas almost every emotion he has is somehow tied up in Rose. He's such a wellwritten character. I don't know if you've ever tried original fiction but I could definitely imagine you working your characterisation of Albus into another novel. Wonderful wonderful writing.

SCORPIUS: So I'm intrigued about Scorpius, because earlier you had that line about some people thinking that Scorpius was the war, and I don't think that's come across so far. I desperately want to know how he becomes so tied up in everything. He seems like quite an unlikely character to have ended up in the situation he's in, but he balances out the dynamic between Albus and Rose, and contributes some humanity that the story definitely needs. I really like him. I know you're not big on writing romance but the relationship/friendship/whatever slowly developing between Scorpius and Rose is beautifully written. He's not manipulative like Al, even though he's a Slytherin, and that makes him much more valuable to his friends. Plus I love how much Hugo admires him. And the way you wrote his parents was a brilliant interpretation of canon too.

HUGO: I know he's not been a massive character until recently, but I wanted to talk about him because I just think he's so amazing. The illness storyline is brilliantly handled, and I like how you give him these huge vulnerabilities without underdeveloping the rest of his character. Also this idea of his body being so far behind his brain in development is fascinating, and helps us see how he's much more than his illness. His loyalty and love for Rose is endearing, and his reaction to Albus shows an openness to trust and love that reminds me a little bit of young Harry (although to a greater extent). And I think most of Albus's behaviour towards Hugo is manipulative, either to get a reaction from Rose or to get something out of Hugo, but I like how Hugo's inspired this kind of tenderness in him. Like Scorpius, Hugo's presence brings out a different side of your main characters, and it's a side that's really worth seeing.

HARRY: I'm quite horrified by your depiction of Harry, but I trust that you've got strong motivation behind it. I just WANT TO KNOW WHY!! And I loved how honestly you showed the effects of his behaviour in the rest of his family, especially in Ginny's breakdown.

JAMES: I'm guessing we're going to see a bit more of him, given his determination to bring his brother back. Of all your characters, James is perhaps the least developed because he fits so clearly into a mold - Gryffindor hero. But you acknowledge this again and again and the story isn't told through his point of view, so that's definitely not a problem. I'd just like to learn more about him. I'd imagine his reaction to everything going on will be very different to Albus and Rose's. Although I'm slightly ambivalent about his turning up again because I feel like he's not really destined for a very happy reunion with his relatives?

I'm really glad we did that swap because this is definitely a story I wanted to read. I was wondering how long you think it will be when it's complete? You've implied that it still has a way to go before the war is properly developed - does that mean there's still a lot more of the novel to come? Just out of curiosity.

Looking forward to your next update!

Emma x

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Review #3, by Consciouslyignorant Rescue

10th January 2015:
Ok. So, breath.
I've just read so far in about 3 days. And frankly my initial reactions where very deffinately not 12+.
This is one hell of a story, very, very different from anything I've ever seen before site, the only one to ever start a chapter with a note saying how the author had to redact the chapter to be allowed (which really intrigues me) and that was a dark one as it is...

Is it bad that sometimes I'm identfying with Albus a little too much? Especially over the whole not quite getting all the'social niceties' thing (seriosly who cares about the weather? Look up if you're that bothered), less so the borderline psycopathic tendencies.

Anyway I almost regret starting this as WIP (you'd better finish) as I'm not sure how I'll handle going and coming back again.

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Review #4, by Holzer Sink

9th January 2015:
I have to say, I admire you so much! I absolutely love the way you write and am unable to stop reading this, even though I should be studying for finals. This story is so unique and special, Im a huge fan!

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Review #5, by mymischiefmanaged Her

7th January 2015:
Hi, I'm here for our review swap :)

I've actually been meaning to read this for a while. I've seen it recommended a lot in the forums and your summary's fascinating, but somehow I've never actually opened it before now. This is a fantastic first chapter, though, and I'll definitely be reading on at some point.

The opening is intriguing. I actually really like Walker a lot. I don't know if he'll show up again but he's a brilliant device to introduce the concept of the story, and it's interesting to see Rose through the eyes of somebody that purely sees her as a curiosity (rather than as a person, I guess). The interview set up gets across a lot of information without feeling contrived, and it's just generally a really strong opening to what I'm sure is going to be an amazing novel.

The healing/dark magic scene is really, really well written, and something I don't think I've seen before. I love your explanation of the nature of magic, and you manage to convey how serious the situation is even before you've made it clear that what Rose has done is a crime.

And then the trial's brilliant, although I was a little disappointed with the way Kingsley acted. I wonder what's happened in this world you've created to make him so harsh. And how did Ron and Hermione die?? I desperately want to know but also it's really late at night and I should really get some sleep after finishing this review...

The Head Auror's fascinating and more than a little bit sinister. His continual emphasis on how she's not allowed to talk to boys is interesting, and I don't really understand what the motive is. Something about love being incompatible with the dark arts? I have no idea really, but I definitely want to know more about his intentions.

And then Rose just wanting to see Hugo is painfully sweet. Everybody else seems to have not really focussed on what matters - that she did what she did out of love. I don't know how Rose and Hugo lost their parents, but they only have each other, and Rose obviously wanted to do whatever she could to hold onto that. Given that (and it should really have been obvious, both to Kingsley and to the Head Auror), it seems like a huge oversight at this point for them not to have realised her actions weren't the beginning of some dark magic, and not to have recognised that she'd just want to see her brother.

This is a really interesting, original first chapter and I'll definitely be back to read more.

Thanks for the swap!

Emma x

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Review #6, by Alice Rescue

4th January 2015:
I'm in love with this story. Just thought I'd let you know. Thank you so much for writing it :)

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Review #7, by fatamorgana Rescue

4th January 2015:
Yes, yes, yes, I jumped with joy when I saw that there is an update and a long one! It is amazing how host with words you can create such a clear picture of everyone and their characters. Brilliant! I think reviews before me said it all, so I am just saying thank you here. This is the best story I've read! (I have this urge to actually meet you and shake your hand)

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Review #8, by Dirigible_Plums Rescue

3rd January 2015:
Okay so this review will probably be all over the place because as per usual I only have a billion questions and there is so much to discuss. Naturally this review will not cover them all, but I'm gonna try my best to give this some sort of structure. Oh and I'm here for the review swap if it somehow wasn't obvious.

In regards to the most important question of all, I want Scorpius to get that date. Hugo pretty much explained why he'd be good for Rose: he'd ground her, he'd make her happy, he's already brilliant with Hugo etc. I really like them together. Albus clearly does not. I'm not sure whether he's simply possessive and is refusing to admit it or is pursuing incest, but it's an intriguing aspect of their dynamic. It'll be interesting to see how that develops.

Speaking of Rose I love how she is with Hugo. You really impress upon the reader how much she loves her brother and we can see what drove her to become the Resurrectionist and how she'd do it again in a heartbeat. Hugo is all that she has anymore. The familial bond shines strong.

I don't know how you manage to do it, but you always pull off the different narrative voices. There's always a distinct tone for each character and Hugo's one doesn't disappoint. You can really see his youth in the flow of words especially in the way that he looks up to Albus. The urge to not be mollycoddled and to be treated like an equal is something that people his age commonly experience AND is a trait that sets him apart from the others. They were forced to grow up whereas Rose has done her best to protect Hugo. I have high hopes for his relationship with Al - the scene where he comforts Hugo is one I adore - but I'm still weary. Al is so unpredictable after all.

He's also pretty awkward. He might be insanely smart and manipulative, but he really lacks people skills. He must be a sociopath :P

As I stated earlier you've left me with a million questions. Cygnus' role in the story, for example, and just why he is so condescending. (Immortals, man. Pfff.) What interests Paisley has in Albus - I know his magical prowess must factor into it but there has to be something that I'm missing. What Harry and the lessons he forced upon Al have to do with everything. What death has to do with everything.

Looking forward to next time. Which will probably be in a year. I can't really complain though because your chapters are long and good ;)

Dirigible_Plums xo

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Review #9, by Yp Descend

31st December 2014:
Hey its a good story very hard to stop reading but kind of improbable. I mist say that you should at least read over your writing at least once to avoid simple grammar mistakes

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Review #10, by whykay Rescue

29th December 2014:
Fantastic description of DYING. I've always thought it would be sudden and painless - at that actual moment. This is very interesting. And it's effect on Albus. OMG - it's a taste of something he never wants - will he still try to conquer death or stop meddling with it?? Keep going and FAST!!

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Review #11, by krotti Rescue

29th December 2014:
I'm so happy you're back!
This chapter is great, seeing the side of Albus we have not yet seen, unknowing.
I look forward to reading where you take this. While you were on hiatus for exams I read and reread this story so many times for clues yet you still have me on my toes!!
Incredible

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Review #12, by Queen of Nerds Rescue

28th December 2014:
My theory with Harry is that he knew the Cygnus guy that came up in the beginning of the chapter, and for some reason he knew he wouldn't be around to face that himself. That's why the Golden Trio felt it necessary to raise Albus and Rose the way they did. Not sure how it went so wrong (how much influence does Cygnus have? Could he have tainted Harry?). Is Albus actually a sociopath? I think he must be to have such abusive relationships with the only people who care about him (and vice versa). I guess the real question is, was he a sociopath to begin with or is that due completely to Harry's lessons during his childhood?
I am v excited for the Harry development since everythin up to this point has been so well done!
Keep being twisted and awesome!

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Review #13, by Romione4ever Rescue

25th December 2014:
Hey shez! Merry Christmas :) Thanks a ton for the update.I must say you have a terrifying way to potray human relations and their emotions.Whatever pair it is at the end of the chapter I wish I could have more of them.I absolutely loved Hugo and Al "boys like them" its very endearing.I hope we get more of them.my favorite so far is definitely Al and Rose but am growing rather fond of Hugo and Albus.

Lovely update :)

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Review #14, by Pia Rescue

24th December 2014:
Hi!

This is the best Christmas gift I got! When I arrived home and saw that the chapter was up I made my "Albus Smile" and started to read even though it's half past two a.m!

Wonderful chapter as usual, lots of action!! It seems to me, that the Ordine Corvis is going to have to work a little harder to impress Albus! That boy isn't that easy, right? :D

That "man who is not a man" remind me of dementors which can't be anything good!

The dynamic between Albus/Hugo and Rose/ Scorpius was brilliant! Hugo is so lovely, I pity him so much and "nice Albus" is pretty good too although the defenition of "nice" in Albus case is a little broader, after all he kind of blackmail is sick cousin to agree with him haha!
And now Albus knows what "be careful what you wish for" actually means!! Can't wait to find more about what he saw! And how the hell Rose survived that, or something similar I suppose!

Speaking of Rose, she and Scorpius are lovely too, it's so refreshing to see Scorpius flirting with her, Albus has good reasons to be worried haha!

Please, write as fast as you can or I might have to bother you more via P.M haha!!

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Review #15, by kate Descend

24th December 2014:
OH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH A TERRIFYING STORY I STAYED UP TIL 4 AM TO READ ALLOF IT OMG

Author's Response: Haha yes it is! Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #16, by Rosie Descend

20th December 2014:
Can we get chapter 19 as christmas gift please ? :)

Author's Response: Yes you can! it's up :)

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Review #17, by Anni Descend

19th December 2014:
Oh my goodness!! I've just read this whole story practically in one go, and it's amazing. Seriously, your writing is phenomenal and the plotline is so intricate and well thought out and I can tell how much time and effort has been spent on this, and it's truly amazing.
I really love Rose's character and Scorpius's, and Albus's character is intriguing. I'm horrified at how Harry treated him in his training sessions (also I seriously cannot wait until we find out what those were about) and the terrible experiences he's had in his childhood, but his whole personality and demeanour terrifies me and his violent and murderous actions make his character one of the scariest I've read/seen. The amount of times I've gasped and whispered "Oh My God" at my computer screen is seriously high.
I'm dying to find out so many things! I really, really, really want to know what was up with that shack and why Albus and Scorpius almost died whilst Rose was fine. Also where is Harry?! I don't think he's dead, and I'm still in denial over Ron and Hermione's bodies. And Hugo! I feel so terrible for him :(
The Ordine Corvis are completely terrifying too, and I'm looking forawrd to finding out the role they'll play in the upcoming war. Actually I just really want to know how the war starts and each of the characters roles in it!
Ah I seriously can't put into words how absolutely mind blowingly amazing and phenomenal this story is. I love it so so so much. It's completely amazing. Haha I feel like I've said 'amazing' so many times in this review, but seriously omg this whole story and the plot (THE PLOT i can't handle how amazing - there it is again - it is), characters, dialogue and writing is AMAZING.
This is fantastic. You're fantastic. I'm sorry for how long this is haha, I'm just going to stop now because seriously I'll just end up writing until I have no more characters remaining about how phenomenal this is!!
Looking forward to the next chapter!!

Author's Response: Oh wow, kudos on reading this in one go! It's fairly long now haha.

Yes, Albus is certainly terrifying we will get answers to all those questions (in as shocking a manner as possible). There are a lot of mysteries and building tension, and it's all leading toward something BIG, so I hope you stick around to see how it goes! Thank you so much for such a passionate review and I hope you continue to enjoy! :)


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Review #18, by hakuna1matata Sink

19th December 2014:
i love your style of writing. how do you do it?

Author's Response: Hmm...open up a word document. Stare at blank page for thirty seconds. Bang head against keyboard until words happen.

nahhh, hehe. Though I feel like I have a headache after finishing every chapter.


Thanks so much for your kind words!



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Review #19, by Roisin Rattle

18th December 2014:
SWAP!

Woah, it's so weird going back and reading the older chapters!

The first paragraph has a really good example about what I love about your Omniscient Narrator--the easy toggle between formal and informal language, and the kind of dry humor that affords.

And hah, that you use the word 'breakfasted' during Scorpius' POV with Zabini. It fit the context so well! Using the name of a meal or a season as a verb is the poshest possible thing :)

Otherwise, it's so crazy reading about Scorpius and Albus back at Hogwarts! SO MUCH HAS CHANGED.

I'm also really noticing how much Scorpius has changed--he was a lot more polished at this point in the story. Which makes sense, since he was never *really* as composed as Albus (and he's also not a sociopath), so it follows that his veneer would crack once things got so much more serious and so much darker. (And actually, thinking about it, Albus is more polished too, because he still has to interact with normal people. Later on, he's so far detached from the real world, and never really talks to anyone except Scorpius and Rose, so he definitely exercises less charm).

Oh gosh, that bit with the Unicorn Blood! That's one of the standout moments in this whole story--it's written in a crazily chilling way.

And then this: 'heart-stopping smile of hisó because Legilimency only worked through close contact.' And then later: 'drinks arrived via waitress.' I love the way you do Albus' POVs, with these sort of harsh juxtapositions and cold detachment (which also affords some nice humor sometimes!)

And oh man, the line "it'll break your heart... you'll hate me" followed by "neither of those things are possible" is such a brilliant distillation of Albus!

I'm definitely gonna have to reread this whole story at some point (like, right before the very last chapter comes out).

Anyway, I'm sorry if this review is kind of lacking, or not very interesting or in depth! This is a particularly good chapter, and I just kind of got into it :/

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Review #20, by RHrH Descend

18th December 2014:
Hey after reading all those cheesy next gen fics clash certainly stands out for me.Awesome work.Just have few questions though
1.Were the events in wizarding england same before rose's resurrection ? I mean the gruesome stuff and all..just rose's resurrection cannot be the reason for quarantine is it ? Or the current situation of the wizarding world has something to do with disappearance of golden trio ?? Are all those events linked ?

2.Am a big fanatic of golden trio,I simply adore their friendship and loyalty,so will we get any golden trio adventures in your future chapters ? I believe their journey was together until the graveyard so will we have their scenes ??Are they in all of this whatever harry is up to together ?

Would love to know answers for these questions.

Cheers

Author's Response: 1. It's a complicated question. Rose's spell more or less 'triggered' a lot of latent unrest, the origins of which we haven't really explored [yet]. Which is why even Draco's confused. Let's just say, there was /something/ waiting beneath the surface before AlRoseScor, and as to whether there's a connection to the Golden trio...I'll give no spoilers hehe. But feel free to speculate!

2. Yes we will get those scenes! I'm a big fan too, and I already have a couple written. I'm very excited for those chapters.

Very relevant questions. Thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #21, by Romione4ever Descend

7th December 2014:
Hi shez :) Clash is the best fan fiction I have ever read.I really like how your story deals magic as a form of science.It makes it more believable and logical.Scorp is by far my favorite character,I couldn't help but find a strong resemblance to Ron.His ability to lighten up situations between Al and Rose with is stupid but adorable comments is wonderful.
I was wondering if you still have those plans of writing the other fic in the their 4th year from scorp's POV ? It would be great to read a much lighter and humorous prequel to clash since clash is more dark.

Looking forward for the next chapter.

:)

Author's Response: Hey there! Glad you're enjoying! And I'm laughing thinking how Ron would feel about that comparison.

As for that other fic, I have scenes written, but if I can get a significant amount written over break, I'll start uploading it. I won't be a /comedy/ exactly; it will still have some of the same darkish elements. It centers on young Al and Scorp adventures.

Thank you for the support! I'll see if I can get something written soon!


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Review #22, by MargaretLane Rattle

29th November 2014:
Poor Rose. Now on top of dealing with her parents' deaths, abuse from her boss and colleagues and the knowledge she has no control over her life, she also has to deal with the guilt of what is happening in the world outside. It's far too much for a teenage girl.

I wonder what Albus did to get Hogwarts shut down.

I presume you meant "Zabini" when you wrote "Zabani".

I wonder what the crisis is. Just the fact that people now know there's a way to bring their relatives back from the dead, but can't get it. I can see that being upsetting and causing conflict, but it doesn't seem like enough to cause everything that's going on here. Them mobbing her, POSSIBLY, depending on who was around, but something strange had happened to Diagon Alley before she arrived.

Oooh, that reference to Albus's poisonous smile is kind of creepy.

When Albus says, "thank you, Professor," "Professor" should probably have a capital "p", as he's using it as a title.

You've kind of reversed the normal interpretations of the Potter boys in this. Normally James is the troublemaker and Albus the reliable one, but here, Albus is a cruel bully and James is head boy.

Unicorn blood. Uh oh.

And all Albus can see is exploitation when it comes to somebody caring about somebody else. Partnership or exploitation seem to be all the human relations he can understand. He doesn't seem to even consider the possibility of wanting somebody to care about you, wanting friendship. And considering everything Rose is going through, I reckon she needs somebody who cares about her.

"'You're completely heartless,' she whispered," should have a comma after "heartless" and a small "s" on "whispered," but you've put a full stop there and given it a capital "s".

Whatever this price is, it must be extremely serious. But I don't think Albus would hate her. I don't think moral judgement is exactly his thing.

And now I'm wondering why he wants to bring Harry back when it seems like they were far from close. Is it to help his family or because he feels there is unfinished business between him and his father? Or does he care about his father more than he admits? There's clearly a very complex relationship there, but exactly what it is, I'm not sure.

I'm not sure what I think of Albus. At times, he sounds like a textbook sociopath - incapable of caring about anybody else or even of understanding the whole idea of one person caring for another - but there are certain hints, such as his nightmares or his memories of his relationship with his father, that it might not be as simple as that. I DON'T think his coldness is a defense mechanism. I do believe he genuinely feels little or no empathy, but I'm not sure there aren't reasons for it in his background. And I'm not yet sure whether he is more to be pitied or blamed. Certainly, he appears to be a very dangerous person.

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Review #23, by MargaretLane Jolt

29th November 2014:
She will tolerate abuse and bullying?! This is SO cruel.

I really like the debate as to whether or not Scorpius WAS the war. People LOVE to find a villain, to make somebody out to be the good guy and somebody out to be the bad guy, and maybe it's sometimes true, like Voldemort being the cause of the war in Deathly Hallows, but even there he was playing on CENTURIES of pureblood prejudice.

And now you've made me wonder exactly what part Scorpius will play in this whole thing. I assumed it would be Albus, or possibly Rose, who would set things in train, but it looks as if Scorpius will play a bigger part than I'd thought.

And I feel so sorry for Rose. She has so little choice here. I mean, her original choice was do whatever it was she did or watch her brother die and now her choice is do whatever this guy says or go to Azkaban.

And what Scorpius is doing to her now is cruel. I don't know what his intent is, but he must realise he is likely to get her in serious trouble and that serious trouble with the man who alone stands between her and Azkaban is nothing to be played with.

After "it's four in the morning," you've put a full stop and a capital "s" on "She said icily." As it's all one sentence, there should be a comma, not a full stop, and the "s" should be a small one.

I'm slightly amused at the comment that Albus was always lying. He really is an intriguing character. I'd like to know what made him the person he has become. I'm sure it'll all become clear eventually.

And Scorpius DOES seem to care about Rose and yet he is willing to risk getting her sent to Azkaban.

It seems as if Harry has treated Albus very differently than he treated James or Lily. I wonder why that is. I could understand if he'd treated James more harshly, being the oldest. It seems stranger to treat the middle child differently, but I'm guessing there's some specific reason.

And hmm, it has now become clear Albus isn't as tough and emotionless as he lets on. He's really having a pretty tough time too. I wonder what's behind it all. I mean, obvious his father dying, his mother turning to drink, his aunt and uncle dying and his cousin narrowly escaping Azkaban is enough to traumatise anybody, but it seems like his problems began before all that. I wonder if they connect in some way to the deaths of his father, uncle and aunt. I don't see how they can, but Harry must have some reason for treating Albus as he did.

It seems to me like the Head is up to something VERY dodgy. Something like overthrowing the Ministry or something. If he needs to blackmail people into supporting him, it's not good. I'm guessing he'll play a large part in the path to war.

And YIKES, he was widowed young. A lot of people seem to be dying VERY young in this story. I wonder if that is just for plot reasons - that you need them out of the picture - or if there's something more to it. At 32, he could easily just not be married yet if you didn't want a partner.

It seems as if her spell to help Hugo has created major problems in the world. Unless the changes to Diagon Alley are a coincidence, which they might be, but considering the punishment she is getting and the fact that no sympathy is being shown either for her age or the fact she saved somebody's life, I guess there must have been major consequences.

OK, I can see why people'd want her help, but there has to be something more to this.

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Review #24, by MargaretLane Rupture

23rd November 2014:
Hmm, the title of this chapter sounds ominous.

Oooh, there's a nasty side to Albus here.

And I like the rumours you mention some people coming up with about why he seems to want her around. It makes sense people would start rumours about a guy who seems fairly unlikable.

And Slughorn's still at Hogwarts? Admittedly, he is in the first story of my next gen series too.

And I half-laughed at a immortal creature being on the verge of dying out. Very ironic all right.

You've created a pretty savage world here in many ways - magical creatures dying out, Rose's family dying, her imprisonment. Rather different than how the world of the next generation would usually be portrayed.

And gosh, it's hardly surprising things ended for her as they did - losing her parents, her brother dying, living with a family falling apart. Poor, poor Rose.

And poor Lily. I get the impression she's struggling to cope with the loss of a father, her mother's alcoholism and possibly her brother's cruelty. And who could blame her?

That part where Albus asks if she really knows what he's capable of is creepy. I really wonder what made Albus the man he is. His cruelty and lack of empathy is so extreme.

And yet, you then show a degree of softness in how he reacts to Rose and promises not to hurt her.

I wonder what she did that was so bad it could lead to a 15 year old facing time in Azkaban, despite the fact it saved somebody's life. Hmm, from what she's implying to Hugo, it sounds like it could have had some horrific side effects. And I guess that is indicated. The wizarding world may be corrupt, but even Hagrid only got expelled when they thought he KILLED somebody and was only lucky not to have killed many more. I know they thought it was an accident and just Hagrid's love of monsters, but it still indicates a degree of leniency for kids.

Sorry about the delay getting to this, by the way. I was insanely busy for a couple of weeks.

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Review #25, by MsCalypso Explore

23rd November 2014:
Hello, I stumbled upon this gem yesterday by what can only be described as sheer accident. I don't regret it.
This truly is one of the darker stories I've read, with two protagonists with whom you have no choice but to sympathize and dislike at the same time.
I have enjoyed reading it immensly and I sure hope you get the chance to update soon.

While I get that mystery is a big part of the plot, and you do manage to pull it off in quite an extraordinary way, I do hope that we get some more revelations. I suppose they all come at their own pace, but you leave me almost begging for more. Be careful that they don't stump the story. Up until now it has worked though, so I must congratulate you.

While I didn't like Albus much as a character in the beginning, (he felt too much described, not alive, you kept insisting how smart and manipulative he was, but it didn't feel that way) has progressed into that by now. He really does feel like he is thinking on an entirely different level than the rest of the world, with all the following consequences. One can only imagine what he would have been if only Harry didn't have this still mystery plan with his son (I'm really curious and still a bit miffed that I haven't learned more about that yet, but alright)

Rose on the other hand, is a hero in her own right. Very likeable and it's SHE who makes Albus likeable to us, your readers. It's really ingenious and I like it a lot. It has a creepy vibe to it, their relationship. She feels like she is trying to keep her head above water, while doing things that she knows are wrong, but doing them anyways because she must have her answers. If Albus hadn't been around, she would have probably been one the the smartests witches of her generation, just like her mother.

I really do like how you keep jumping between past, present and future. As a reader, you almost forget that you already know that it is going to end badly because of all the mr. Walker parts, yet you wish it wouldn't, when you read all of their adventures. It's a tricky feeling, but I like it. You really are a good writer, pulling this off.

I honestly couldn't stop reading and now that I have reached the end, i'm not sure what I'm going to do with the leftover part of my Sunday.
I'll be waiting for more.
- M

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