Reading Reviews for The Runaway Adventure
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by randomwriter The Runaway Adventure

17th July 2013:
Hello Maz :)
I really liked this story. I especially thought that you have written Dom well. It's so realistic. You've managed to get into an eight year old girl's head perfectly. Her thoughts and troubles are all perfect for a girl that age :)
I also liked Joey, and how their conversation really helped both of them.
The only thing I would suggest, is that you read through once again, because you've forgotten to capitalize a couple of things.
That's all :)

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Review #2, by starryskies55 The Runaway Adventure

15th July 2013:
I'm calling podcasting this, FYI.

I love that this was based off your own experiences- I actually think you can tell, especially the deliberate packing so the parents would see! It was written in a wonderfully childish tone, which made it sound very authentic and true to character. her dream of becoming the most famous wizarding explorer was adorable, and I can see her doing it!

I love the character you've made Dom into- she's plucky and intelligent and stupid and loving, and seems like a great kid. Poor her with middle child syndrome! There are so many nice little touches in here that make it sound really realistic, like the toy- "Porridge flew with the added help of her small hand, soaring beside her as she twirled." that's a beautiful sentence!

You've got some good canon information in here, like Teddy mooning over Victoire, and also, I'm a big fan of the way you wrapped everything up neatly at the end with Joey being Jonathan's little brother!

Overall, amazing story, Maz! love it!

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Review #3, by ginerva_molly_weasley The Runaway Adventure

13th July 2013:
MAZ- I love you and I love your writing even more :D

You touch on key areas here such as the middle child feeling left out and the whole scenario children go through when theyre younger of wanting to move out even if its just for a brief period of time. They all want to run away to punish their parents yet they always come back in the end. I just think this is wonderful as you've shown Dom's feelings.

It was sad to see that Bill, Fleur and Victorie had all dismissed her ideas and that was part of the reason why she felt so lonely and why she had to go. It would be interesting though if you'd have maybe mentioned why she couldn't hang around with her cousins or even have mentioned that they were a little too young.

Its cute though when she meets Joey! At first I was like oh Dom just run away but after realising he was little too it just seemed so sweet and it was cute to see that a little friendship would form.

Well done :D

Love!

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Review #4, by teh tarik The Runaway Adventure

13th July 2013:
MAZZAY! Erhmahgerd! I see you everywhere on HPPC and I've heard some of your very wonderful podcasts as well, but I hardly see you on HPFF. So I'm so pleased to have the opportunity to read some of your writing. I read your response to one of your reviews in which you stated that you're not a writer, and I'm a bit puzzled here, because this story that I've just read and which I'm now reviewing directly contradicts that statement you've just made. Honestly, the quality of your writing is truly exceptional; not many writers can capture an eight year old's POV with such energy, wit, smoothness and humour. One paragraph into the story, and I was absolutely captivated by how lively and engaging the writing and the narrative was. You know eight-year-olds so well! :P

Dominique is a spunky, sprightly little girl, and a very attention-demanding one as well. I absolutely loved these sentences: She had informed her parents of this at breakfast one morning, her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised as she gave them the news. She pursed her lips as she awaited their response, believing that they would immediately be remorseful and start to treat her the way she deserved to be treated. ♥ Her character is written with such clarity and purpose, and her voice and POV merge with the narrative flawlessly. There's not a lot of dialogue in the first part of the story, but because your narrative is so well-entrenched in Dom's eight-year-old thoughts, her characterisation really scintillates through the prose. Sorry, I'm repeating stuff.

This story tugged a little at my heartstrings; it made me nostalgic because I, too, ran away when I was a child :P My folks and I were staying by this lovely beach and on the last day or so, I decided to run away so I could stay on that beach forever or something like that :P Well, I didn't get far; I made it to the end of the beach, started climbing the rocks, fell and hurt myself and limped back. And of course, nobody noticed my absence. :P ACK SORRY GOT DISTRACTED

Anyway, back to the review. I love how she meets Joey in the park, and that he too is a similar runaway who turns out to be the younger brother of Jonathan who is actually infatuated with Victoire who in turn is infatuated with him! This is so tangled but it's an incredibly fluffy and sweet element of the story. And of course, things really look much brighter for Dom because hey, she's got a brand new friend in a new neighbourhood.

You did a wonderful job showing Dom's resentment toward her family and initial resoluteness to run away, which, of course wavers the further she goes away from her house. Lovely character development there!

Gah, absolutely enjoyed this oneshot, Mazzay! It's a very lovely warm and fluffy piece about family and friends and growing up and all the complexities and drama of the changing relationships within a family. Great work, and I really do hope you'll keep those stories coming!

-teh

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Review #5, by ATLpaintingflowers The Runaway Adventure

12th July 2013:
Ah I loved this. It was really cute. I think almost everybody has run away when they were a child, this was really interesting and engaging and it really flowed. You should make this into a multi chapter story. Hpff really needs more good Dominique stories.
10/10

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Review #6, by CambAngst The Runaway Adventure

11th July 2013:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the Common Room!

Wow, this was so sweet! You did an absolutely fantastic job of writing Dominique as this sassy, precocious little girl about to strike out into the great big world on her own. You also captured the timeless middle child dilemma. She never got to be an only child and now she isn't the baby anymore, either. The little tokens of Bill and Fleur's affection that were stripped away from her once Louis -- aka, The Thing -- was born were perfect metrics that an 8-year-old might use to gauge her parents' love.

All of the little details about her plan to run away were so well thought out that I seriously started to wonder whether there's a special 8-year-old in your life who helped you work it all out. The idea that she would prioritize her toys and crayons over, oh, say, clothes fits so well for a kid this age. Reminds me of watching my two 5-year-olds try to pack for our last vacation.

All of her little moments of indignation were just perfectly done. I could easily picture her huffing and flipping her hair and stamping her foot. I think my favorite was this one: ... and Mummy said that from now on she had to brush her own hair. Herself. It was far too much for Dominique to bare. -- Brilliant moment of little girl angst. Poor Fleur. She has a newborn, a tween AND Dominique. Talk about too much to bare...

As she was in the process of running away, I thought you captured her mindset perfectly. From the beginning it seemed like this was less about where she was going -- she didn't even decide that until she was halfway down the street -- and more about whether she would be missed. The motivations and the internal narrative you built around her actions were perfectly sensible and consistent.

This line made me chuckle: You know, take a stop before America.

And then you even gave her a friend! You never really specify whether Joey and his family are muggles, but for some reason that's what I decided to think. I loved the little running game of "I asked you first" that they play. Such a great little detail.

"Isn't that a boys name?" He asked and she looked scandalised. -- Ha! Have you been hanging out with SamMalfoy93?

And that takes us right through to the conclusion. I thought you ended the story on a great note, not to mention in the only manner that wouldn't result in the police getting involved. You took us on a while different kind of journey in this story, and I thought it was a very original take on the theme. Your writing was lovely; I couldn't find a thing wrong with it. Very well done!

Author's Response: Can I just say that having your first review be from CambAngst is such an honour as people constantly rave about your reviews and its seems that I'm about to join the club! I was making little squealing noises as I read this, especially because you seem to have put so much thought into this review. I have to say, I'm not a writer and my heart does belong to HPPC which is why I was extremely nervous about writing this.

As an eldest child, I was always pretty envious of my younger sibling and thought it might be a good way to use my own childhood memory of running away. It was pretty much for the same reasons as Dom - feeling under appreciated - and I do remember packing with the door wide open so my parents could see and even marching out of the house whilst they waved from the doorway. They found it pretty amusing ahaha.

I agree, poor Fleur having to deal with very demanding children. I'm glad that was your favourite line - it was probably one of my favourites if I'm being honest. I wanted to almost make it more sugary by adding faint humour.

I knew I wanted Dom to meet another kid. Someone to sort of make her realise her mistakes and to be more gracious towards her parents. Children can be stubborn, sometimes they need friends to make them see right from wrong instead of adults. I did a bit of work in a primary school for experience and oh my god, was it eye opening. 'I asked you first' was one of the things I heard along with 'I'm telling!' and 'I had that first!'. Fun times.

Thank you so much for this review, It really meant a lot to me and I'm not sure if I can match the amount of words but gah, it really really made my day and I want you to know that :P

Maz


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