Reading Reviews for Conundrum
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by potterfan310 Caught

19th August 2013:
Hello again,

Again there's a large gap between the first paragraph and second, it isn't a big thing but sometimes it disrupts the flow.

"I would have stayed on that toilet pot" - I don't know whether you meant to toilet seat or not, it's just it sounds a bit weird ' toilet pot'.

Victoire's thinking about how to dispose of the test is logical, and she knows that either way someone might find it/see it so the only way is to vanish it. I think this adds more to Victoire character as you can see she has common sense (to some extent). Again with you stating that Charms is not her favourite subject, this adds more to her and I like it!

It's really original that you don't have someone we know as a Charms teacher or as the head of Hogwarts and it's quite refreshing to see since it's either Flitwick, Cho Chang, Neville or McGonagall (And yes I'm guilty of writing those :p).

I think when Victoire is trying to make sense of her situation and is realising this baby will not be a doll or a toy shows that she is aware of what is now happening and that in nine months she'll be a mother if she chooses to keep her baby.

I'm curious as to why Zoey calls her Vee as it's no where near Vic's name unless there is special meaning behind it, for instance if they became friends when they were little and Zoey couldn't pronounce Victoire or Vic, so called her Vee.

Your descriptions are spot on and I really like them as I can picture these characters in my head, especially Professor Wilkin, which as I said before it's nice to see a non cannon character as the teacher.

I'm a little confused again, if Zoey is sat next to Vic then why did she throw the paper at Vic's shoulder?

CC - "as Charms would not be my most" - Perhaps change 'would' to 'is' to make it flow a bit better.

- "You need to tell the headmaster at once" - I noticed a little further on you said they were a she therefore it'd be headmistress rather than headmaster.

Apart from a few little things I stated above, my only CC would be that how does Vic come to the conclusion she was pregnant? Did she have any signs or symptoms that gave her suspicions? And the other thing is that I'd like to know more about her friend Zoey, what's her surname? How did they meet/become best friends. If this is explained in further chapters then please ignore it.

Oooh Cliffie!!!

I really like this story and I really hope you update soon as I'm dying to know Teddy's reaction!! I can't wait for the next chapter!

10/10
-Potterfan310
Soph :)

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Review #2, by potterfan310 Positive

19th August 2013:
Hello,

I stumbled across this story earlier on this morning and here I am to review!

Okay, first of all I love next-gen, two I love Teddy/Victoire and three I love reading teen pregnancy (I'm weird :p) so I;'m pretty sure I'm gonna love this!

I really like your Victoire as a character, and what you said about her bouncing her knees when nervous, really adds to her character and makes her seem real.

I like that instead of it being a flashback to that night Victoire and Teddy did the deed, it's Victoire telling the story rather than seeing it from her POV.

"If I am unable to back out of a pregnancy then he should be too." - I really like this sentence and just like Victoire I believe than guys shouldn't be able to back out and forget about it whilst the lady has to go through with it.

I'm intrigued about Dom and Louis' ages. It might be an idea to say my '13 year old sister Dom won't care and my 6 year old brother Louis would probably ask where babies come from.' (I have no idea how old they are in your story so feel free to change them or just ignore this idea).

I'm a bit confused if Vic had to wee on the stick, like a muggle why did she then have to tap it with her wand? Unless I've missed something and she actually has two tests?

CC - Nothing major, just the the large gap between the very first paragraph and the second.

- A few small grammar mistakes such as a missing comma

- I don't think she would call her mum 'mumsie' as Fleur is French I'd probably say more than likely she'd call her maman.

I really like this story so far and this is a good start!

Off to read chapter 2 now!

10/10
-Potterfan310
Soph :)

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Review #3, by MissBertieBotts  Caught

12th August 2013:
This story actually turned out better with the second chapter. The first one was okay, but this one was great! A different take on a Hogwarts pregnancy story, and excellent cliff hanger by the way! I wonder what Teddy's reaction will be... Can't wait to read more!

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Review #4, by ... Positive

9th July 2013:
huh, interesting have to read more to be positive if its great or not but so far so good...

Author's Response: Well I hope you grow to like it as the story progresses. Thanks for reviewing!

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