23 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CambAngst A Family Vacation

15th July 2013:
Hi, Ral! I was hoping I'd get a chance to read this and now I can help out a little with the House Cup, besides. So I'm breaking my self-imposed ban on doing anything other than writing Detox tonight. ;)

Very clever idea! So many people write the Rose-Scorpius pairing, but so few find a truly clever way to integrate them into the larger Weasley family. Either that, or they just assume the problem away by making Scorpius completely misunderstood. I liked the fact that you tackled the relationships head-on, and gave it a great humorous quality, besides. Scorpius and Ron seemed like two peas in a pod, in spite of the obvious differences in their upbringing. It was funny to see that Rose really did wind up marrying her father, after a fashion. I guess there's more to that saying than just words.

You picked a nice assortment of muggle objects and customs that Ron and Scorpius were completely unprepared to deal with, and avoided some of the worst cliches of the "wizard out of water" genre in the process. I don't think I've read an airport scene quite this funny since the one in Delicate where Arthur manages to get the entire family ejected from Heathrow.

Hermione's letter to Harry and Ginny brought the story to a good resolution. It was a lot of time and material to cover and I think it would have been difficult in any other format. Plus, the idea of her leaving Ron in Harry's care and taking Ginny instead cracked me up.

A few typos, in case you'd looking to tidy up:

... all because she had hit the breaks a little too sudden when a stray dog had crossed their path. - hit the brakes

"And you should thank your lucky stars they did, or else we would all be supporting Dark Marks on our foreheads... - sporting Dark Marks

When we got there, Ron took one look at the monks, dressed in their long, black cloaks, yelled "Death Eaters!" and took off with Scorpius in toe. - in tow

Otherwise, terrific writing. The story flowed really well and was a nice, easy read. Good job!

Author's Response: Hey Dan!

Thank you so much for yet another humbling and amazing review!
When I saw the prompt for the HC I really wanted to do something like that, since I traveled a lot with my parents when I was younger and I've seen all these places, all with a Harry Potter book in hand. :)

I was trying to remember who wrote that funny airport scene for a while so thanks for that! I'm really happy you liked it and thank you for the lovely review!

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Review #2, by EnigmaticEyes16 A Family Vacation

13th July 2013:
Hahaha, I loved this. I think Ron and Scorpius' reactions to everything muggle were perfect and priceless. Although you'd think Scorpius would know that sharks aren't in ALL waters, lol.

The letter was my favorite part where Hermione lists all the issues caused by Ron and Scorpius, especially the Death Eater scenes. I can imagine it in my head and it's hilarious. I can just imagine how confused they must have made all the muggles who heard them.

This was very good and very funny, you did a great job writing this. Good luck to you and your house in this competition.


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! :)

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Review #3, by ValWitch21 A Family Vacation

13th July 2013:
Hi Ral! Long time no see/speak/write, but I know you're preparing for your exam (I think?) and I wish you all the best on that.

This made my day, and I laughed so much.

I appreciated the fact that Ron and Scorpius were civil to one another - - it doesn't always happen, unfortunately, so it made the story even better! Then there's the fact that you've got fully grown men whining like children in airports, complaining about museums and visits (I thought of my brother here, because he does exactly the same), and I just laughed my entire way through this.

The fact that Hermione and Ron are perfectly characterised is also a plus.

So, instead of waxing lyrical about this, I'll just say thank you for being an amazing writer and for making me laugh.

Author's Response: Hey Val!

Yeah, I'm studying day and night at this point, my stress levels are through the roof! Which is why I jumped at the chance to write something light and fun for the Cup!

Thank you so much for the lovely review and your kind words! :)

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Review #4, by Trundlebug A Family Vacation

13th July 2013:
This was a very fun travel story, and I really liked seeing Hermione and Ron as parents. It's well-written and I only saw a few minor typos and glitches here and there.

All of your characterizations are written very well. Ron and Hermione seem spot on--to me at least--and I like what you have done with Rose and Scorpious, who I don't know very much about. They are all interesting and quite distinct.

I enjoyed watching pure-blood Scorpious freak out over all the muggle stuff, and found it interesting to consider that Ron, who is also pure-blood, felt much the same. I could certainly see them having a good relationship, as father and son-in-law, and their camaraderie made the story fun.

You threw me off there a bit when it witched over to Ginny, but I quickly understood what you were doing and it works well. The letter was great and I liked that you threw in the little educational points that Hermione would certainly sneak into any correspondence.

A fantastic read


Author's Response: Thank you for the review! :) The bit about Ginny was something that just happened in the spur of the moment, when I realized 5000 words or less isn't going to cut it! I'm happy you enjoyed it!

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Review #5, by academica A Family Vacation

13th July 2013:

This was really cute. I loved how the boys kept panicking and arguing during the trip and the girls just wanted to push on and try to have some fun. All the little details you included about each step of the trip and the bizarre reactions to parts of other cultures really made this interesting. I also liked the end, where Hermione shared the details of her journey with Ginny and Harry. Poor Ron just isn't the sort to take on a long journey like this one :)

Great work!

House Cup 2013

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for the lovely review! It means a lot to me! :)

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Review #6, by maskedmuggle A Family Vacation

13th July 2013:
Hey there!

I thought this was such a great story, and really enjoyable to read as well! I loved the idea of a family vacation of sorts, with Ron, Hermione and Rose, Scorpius. I can't help wondering where Hugo was, though it's such a minor detail it doesn't even really matter :P

I really liked how they took an aeroplane and how worried Scorpius was the entire time! I also really liked the relationship between Ron and Scorpius - lots of people always write about Ron getting red every time he sees Scorpius and them generally having a really bad relationship, so it was great to see a refreshing take here with them bonding over not liking anything non-magical!

And then I absolutely loved the letter that Hermione wrote! It was really fun and also very amusing reading about all their travels - Ron and the death eater scares, Scorpius's refusal to take a cruise because he thought there were sharks, the Butterbeer/beer mixup.. all these little details just made your story that much more enjoyable to read! Very nicely written! :)

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: This was intended to be short and funny and light, so I just didn't want to get into a lot of details, like what everybody is doing, where they are and so on! This is like a holiday, light and relaxing! Thank you so much for the review! :)

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Review #7, by ginerva_molly_weasley A Family Vacation

13th July 2013:
Well this is a very interesting story which I must admit was fantastic! This house cup entries seem to be getting better and better I think!

I love the idea of them going on the complete Europe sightseeing trip and I find it fascinating that Hermione actually convinced Ron to go since he has made it clear that he is not a fan of any of the muggle modes of transport. I also love that you have Scorpius in this too (not just because I love ScoRose) but because its very nice to see his character as one who is grown up but still very afraid of the muggle side of life. I also wonder what Draco and Astoria had to say on Scorpius' little trip!

You have a very good knowledge of Europe and the different sight seeing attractions there are so it shows you have clearly done your research whilst looking into it. I do also love Rose's character who reassures Scorpius but is very much integrated in the muggle world and I think that is done really well as Hermione would have obviously have wanted some of her muggle roots passed down to her children so at least they had some knowledge of the world.

The structure of this is also wonderful with the journey being looked at from the groups point of view but then it all changing to be from Hermione's point of view in the letter. I think it was definitely a very nice touch! Her humour also comes through exceptionally well with the ending of her letter which I like as again you show her personality well!

GinevraMollyPotter- Slytherin

Author's Response: Hello!

I love ScoRose as well and I just couldn't resist writing something without them in it!

The places described in this are actually places I have visited, so that part was all written down from memory.

I'm so happy you enjoyed this and thank you for the review! :)

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Review #8, by PolyJuice_ A Family Vacation

13th July 2013:
Heh. c: I loved this story! I liked that after all those fab, but serious stories I got to have a giggle. And a chuckle. There were definitely some knee-slappers there, too. ;)

It was a wonderfully unique way to approach this challenge and I absolutely loved it! Your characterization of each character and their ships was so bang-on that it made it just that much better, and that much more real to me. (I mean obviously the younger gen don't really have fully-formed character canon, but they suited the base, and my head canon just so well)

I loved the bit about the driving! :3 It just killed me, oh gosh. I loved how it brought us back to JKR's books and meshed them together, if only slightly, and in a very tiny thing, it just helped me to remember that this was all one story. c:

I loved this story to bits, thanks for the laugh this early in the morning~!


House Cup ~ 2013 ~ Slytherin

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I wanted to have that little giggle myself and so I am happy that you laughed as well reading this!

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Review #9, by CharlieDay A Family Vacation

13th July 2013:

This was a very sweet, funny oneshot! I loved Hermione's letter to the Potters at the end particularly, but it was all really fantastic!

The reason I liked the letter so much was that it was a very clever way of talking about their travel adventures. You put Hermione's perspective on it whilst making sure you didn't have to go into too much detail about what was actually happening. I wish I could've gone on their holiday, it sounds great! Greece, Venice, Vienna, Germany and France, wow! I might have got a little cross with Ron and Scorpius though, haha.

You took the travel theme and made it into this wonderfully hilarious piece, which I thought incorporated all the character you used beautifully! I thought Scorpius and Ron's relationship was fantastic, and very unusual! Mostly they're at each other's throats, so it was refreshing to see some friendliness between them.

Hermione was portrayed excellently. It is quite a rare sight in fanfiction to see something this close to the original books, so I was glad to have another little taste of Hermione after all these years!

I really enjoyed the comment about girls marrying boys like their fathers!

All in all, a very funny and enjoyable story!

Author's Response: I just can't stop smiling after reading your review! It really made my day! Thank you so much for the lovely comments! It means a lot to me!

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Review #10, by Beeezie A Family Vacation

13th July 2013:
The last couple stories I've read for the Review-A-Thon have been really excellent, but also pretty depressing. It's kind of nice to sit down to a cute, light-hearted story now!

I really enjoyed this. It's nicely written, moves along at a good pace, and is highly entertaining.

It's also very plausible. After all, we saw throughout the series how uncomfortable most purebloods were with the Muggle world, particularly when it came to Muggle technology. This was a perfect example of that, and you played it well throughout. I thought you did a great job at identifying what Scorpius and Ron would be most startled by - flying in a plane is certainly one such thing, and I suspect that you're right, and going under the Channel will be another.

I really liked the way you depicted Hermione, too. Obviously you have a lot of room to play with Rose, since we only see her very briefly in canon (and when she's a small child, at that), but Hermione's a character we got to know very well, and IMO, she's one of the hardest major canon characters to get right, especially when it comes to aging her appropriately.

You, however, did a great job at that - from her sarcastic comment about not wanting to offend the Ministry to her letter to Harry and Ginny, the canon character really shown through, IMO. When you first cut to the letter, actually, I was sceptical that it would turn out okay, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Not only did it sound like Hermione, but it was also a great way to quickly touch on their trip. You included enough detail (the Death Eaters comment was especially great) that it didn't feel like a rote rendition of what happened, but not so much that it lost the feel of a natural letter. It was a great way to end the story.

I did notice a few minor grammatical errors here and there.

For example, in the fourth paragraph, Muggle's means of transport isn't quite right - it should be either Muggle (using the word as an adjective) or Muggles' (possessive plural). "Muggle's" is singular possessive, which would mean that you're talking about a single Muggle, and clearly from the context you're not.

There were also points where I felt like your sentences turned into run-ons. For example, in the fifth paragraph, ... he whispered urgently clutching her arm painfully, as he saw his in-laws approaching them in the crowd and Rose waving them over. I do understand what you're saying, but it feels a bit jumbled, and that was the case at a few points throughout the story, especially surrounding dialogue.

That aside, though, this was a great, light-hearted piece, and I really enjoyed it! :)

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: The light and fun story was something I really wanted to do! I love humor stories and I could just picture Hermione wanting to have her family experience Muggle culture but also being annoyed when they clashed!

Thank you so much for the lovely review! It means a lot! And I will make the edits when I get around to it!

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Review #11, by HollyStone73 A Family Vacation

13th July 2013:
Hee Hee! This was cute. I have to admit that I have never read any next generation stories before, so this was a nice transition into it for me!

I love how Hermione knew all along about Ron confunding his driving instructor. OO! And the part about Ron and Scorpius not knowing the difference between beer and butterbeer was quite comical. I just love how frustrating Hermione is by it all.

Overall a well written piece that was easy to follow and a joy to read! Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)

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Review #12, by DracoFerret11 A Family Vacation

12th July 2013:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from Ravenclaw on the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2013! :D So, let's go over things:

Characterization: I loved your characters! Fantastic job on all of them! Scorpius was so funny! I've never seen him portrayed like Ron and I think that was really cool. Great job. And Hermione was so canon. :) I liked that Rose was like her. Hermione's letter really made me laugh. Poor Scorpius and his shark-phobia!

Descriptions: I think there were a few places were more details about the setting, facial expressions, sounds, sights, smells, etc. could have helped, but for the most part, I think you did really well. I liked your descriptions in the letter so much!

Emotions: I absolutely LOVED how scared Scorpius was of flying! It was so comical, but I also felt a bit bad for him. Poor guy! I can barely imagine Draco's son acting like that, but it worked so well in this story.

Plot: Love, love, loved the letter. So funny! I think you did a great job of explaining all the silly things Ron and Scorpius did. This could almost be a longer story with all the hilarity that ensued. Fantastic.

Interactions: I wish we could have seen more of Rose and Scorpius's relationship and maybe how Ron reacted to Scorpius. I loved that Hermione called them both her "children." So sweet. But I think I would have liked more details about the interaction between Scorpius and the Weasleys.

Great job! I really think this was quite funny and I enjoyed reading it! Good luck with the House Cup!


Author's Response: Hello! :)

Thank you so much for the lovely feedback! This was intended to be a light, funny story, so I didn't feel the need to explore the relationship between Rose and Scorpius in depth. How they met and how they are as a couple isn't really the focus, and I didn't think I could actually fit it in anywhere.

Thank you so much for the review! It means a lot!

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Review #13, by ShadowRose A Family Vacation

12th July 2013:
Hi there!

This was honestly hilarious! I love that Ron and Hermione took Rose and Scorpius with them - it's funny to see the similarities between Ron and Scorpius, even though they're normally "mortal enemies" in fanfiction. It was refreshing, and really quite hilarious!

I love the little details you added about Scorpius's fear of Muggle transportation - and Ron's too. I was laughing as I pictured the two men at the airport, freaking out over the littlest things, while Hermione and Rose both stand by, embarrassed to no end. Scorpius's line: "Rose, look! It says here we crash into the ocean! I can't swim! We'll get eaten by sharks!" was brilliant, I can just imagine him freaking out over those little cheap diagrams on the airplanes!

I love that you communicated the details of their vacation in a letter - it helped cut down on the length of the one-shot, and also allowed for side comments that Hermione wrote. That sounds like a very humourous trip! Both Death Eater incidents were hilarious - I honestly wish I had gone on this trip, because both men's reactions to the various Muggle things was priceless. I love Hermione's comment to Rose about marrying men like their fathers - that definitely seems to be the case here! Also, the last line was fantastic as well: "Harry, I say this with all my love, but from now on, you are babysitting Ron while I take Ginny on vacation instead."

Overall, great job with this one-shot; it was hilarious and a real delight to read! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: Hello!

I think it's actually quite hard to be the mortal enemy of your son-in-law. It makes for awkward family dinners and whatnot. What I wanted to do was place these all magical characters, like Ron and Scorpius, into an all Muggle environment and see what happens. Hermione was just the voice of reason!

Thank you so much for the lovely feedback and for reading!

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Review #14, by Siriuslover177 A Family Vacation

12th July 2013:
Aw, this is so cute. I really loved the whole non-magical thing!
And how Ron and Scorpius bonded over that :P
Also, their reactions to the plane- totally priceless.
This was such a nice little one-shot.
Great job!


Author's Response: Thank you! I'm happy you liked it!

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Review #15, by Courtney Dark A Family Vacation

12th July 2013:
Woo! House Cup review thingie! Yay!

As you can see I suck at introductions, so hey there! This was a really cool one-shot!

Ahem. I think you included travel really well in this one-shot - I always love reading about witches and wizards struggling to fit in in thoroughly non-magical situations, so this was definitely a lot of fun to read!

I think your characterization of all the characters was amazing. I especially loved Ron and Scorpius - I loved how panicked and nervous Scorpius was! And I think my favourite line would have to be: "Rose, look! It says here we crash into the ocean! I can't swim! We'll get eaten by sharks!" Scorpius exclaimed and tugged at her sleeve like a five-year old. And then there was Rose, perfectly calm and collected. I can see that she takes after her mother!

Nice work!


Author's Response: Thank you! I really wanted to do something light and funny, and an European vacation seemed just like the thing Hermione would plan for her family!

Thank you for the review! :)

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Review #16, by purplepotter77 A Family Vacation

12th July 2013:
Hello! I'm purplepotter775 on the forums from Ravenclaw here for the House Cup!

This was such a funny and enjoyable one-shot! Ron and Scorpius were hilarious with their fear of Muggle transportation. Poor Rose and Hermione; it must have been a headache for them taking care of Ron and Scorpius.

Ron was so easy to imagine in this story, freaking out on the plane or scaring poor Scorpius with his stories about the war. I loved the idea of Ron and Scorpius being able to bond over their mutual fear of all things Muggle.

The letter part was really entertaining as well. I just love this sentence: "Harry, I say this with all my love, but from now on, you are babysitting Ron while I take Ginny on vacation instead." I can just imagine poor Harry trying to babysit Ron. :D

All in all, this was such a funny and entertaining read! Wonderful job!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #17, by marauderfan A Family Vacation

12th July 2013:
This was really funny, I enjoyed reading it! The parallels between Ron and Scorpius were especially hilarious, how they're both terrified of Muggle transportation, but are going along just because their wives are so enthusiastic about it.

I liked how most of it was told through Hermione's letter. It sounded so much like Hermione, I think you captured her voice perfectly in that. And I loved that she wanted Harry to babysit Ron while she travelled with Ginny instead!

The part about the Death Eaters surprised me when Ron ran away - I wouldn't have thought he'd do that, since he fought Death Eaters in the war - but I guess since this is so many years later, he just felt like getting away! The rest of their adventures sounded absolutely hilarious, and I loved that Hermione thought she needed a holiday at the end of it!

What a fun story, great job!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #18, by LittleLionGirl A Family Vacation

12th July 2013:
I am really happy to say I read this. I was honestly hesitant to read this but I am really pleased to say that I did. This story had the right amount fluff and humor in it to keep me smiling the whole time. I think the relation ship with Rose and Scorp is cute because it sounds like Mione and Ron!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #19, by Roots in Water A Family Vacation

12th July 2013:
Hello there!

Before I begin with the review of your actual story, I just want to say that I absolutely loved your summary! It definitely caught my attention and made me eager to read this one-shot!

...And the one-shot itself certainly didn't disappoint! I really enjoyed reading it: it was funny, in character and overall really well done.

Let me just say that of course Ron would act like that- and then frighten poor Scorpius as well! Their non-understanding of Muggle transportation was very funny and their reluctance to even go on the vacation was the cherry on top. :)

I really liked how you wrote this story. The combination of the actual scene in the first part with the letter in the second part provided a very merry picture of the whole trip without having to weigh down the story with too much detail or go over the 5000-word limit.

The first part of this one-shot did a great job of setting the stage for the story. Not only was it funny but it also established the relationships between the four: the two who actually wanted to go and the two who are dragging their feet and terrified out of their wits.

The letter, as I said before, did a great job of describing the highlights of the rest of the trip. I can just imagine Ron and Scorpius acting that way and Scorpius' fear of sharks is actually quite funny. As well, Hermione's voice was very present in it and its concluding line was perfect!

All in all, I really enjoyed reading this one-shot. I think that you did a great job with the travel theme- you created a story that's very funny and very enjoyable to read. Great work! :D

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #20, by AC_rules A Family Vacation

12th July 2013:
Hey there MissMdsty!

Honestly, I didn't expect this story to be so hilarious, but I was grinning from ear to ear the whole way through.

First, I've just got back from a month touring round Europe (with a backpack and lots of trains... incidentally we one-upped Hermione and went to ten countries in just under four weeks, HA!) so you were talking about all these places that I've just come back from, which was great.

I LOVE the idea of Scorpius sweating buckets over the idea of a plane, and Scorp and Ron bonding over sheer terror of muggle-transport. The death eater scares! AHHA. I can just IMAGINE it!

And the conversations between Rose and Scorp were brilliant. I especially loved the 'YOUR PARENTS BROKE INTO GRINGOTTS' that is a VERY good reason not to trust people.

Also, it's pretty hilarious that Ron is more comfortable travelling via dragon than via airplane.

Great entry!


Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #21, by MrsJaydeMalfoy A Family Vacation

12th July 2013:
Hahaha! This is such a cute, fun one-shot! I really, really love the idea of getting two pure-blood wizards to travel the Muggle way! Scorpius' and Ron's behavior was understandable, although a little extreme, but totally hilarious!

There were several moments where I just had to laugh. The first was when Ron complained about the men touching his "Privates"... I seriously just busted out laughing at that. And the way Scorpius pulled on Rose's sleeve like a child, too! It was really endearing!

I think the letter from Hermione was my favorite part, though. The "Death Eater" scares were absolutely hilarious, although they made me wonder how Scorpius felt when Ron described Death Eaters, since his father was one.

All in all, this was a really great read, and very funny! Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #22, by HeyMrsPotter A Family Vacation

12th July 2013:
This is such a brilliantly funny one-shot! I think Ron an Scorpius were adorable and it was lovely that they were so similar in their naivety and tactlessness (is that a word?!) Hermione and Rose being so exasperated at their husbands just added the hilarity. I like that you summed up their trip through the letter to Ginny, it was a really nice touch.

The story flowed really well and the only thing I noticed was that you wrote 20th, generally numbers under 100 are written in words rather than the numbers :) Apart from that the spelling and grammar were great too. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm happy you enjoyed my little story.

As for your comment, over here we write numbers under 10 in words, so I guess it depends on every language. :)

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Review #23, by WitnesstoitAll A Family Vacation

8th July 2013:
This was a fun, travel-themed one-shot! It was funny to see Scorpius react so similarly to Muggle things and Ron did through out the HP series. Poor Hermione! Doesn't sound like all that much of a holiday keeping tabs on those two! All the sights they got to see through Europe sound amazing!

Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

I thought it would be fun to see how wizards react in an all Muggle environment, and I'm happy to see other people thought the idea to be as fun as I did! :)

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