Reading Reviews for These Memories
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Illuminate These Memories

3rd September 2013:
Hi! Here for Ravenclaw Tag!

This is a very interesting oneshot!

Regulus is a character that really gives writers a great opportunity to write their own take on his struggles and defiances. He's a character that defies his whole family, his upbringing and beliefs, and Voldemort himself! He risks his life, and in the end he really is one of the bravest characters in HP, but he's so underused.

I think it's so interesting that you decided to write about the start of his struggle and the moment when he decides Sirius might have had the right way of it. I think you wrote it very well, and it makes me curious to see where you might take his story if you ever continued it from a oneshot.

One thing- the spacing in this chapter is a little wide, meaning that there are quite big gaps in between paragraphs. I don't know if that is intentional, and it's not that bad to look at, just letting you know in case it's not intentional :)

All in all, a very good oneshot, full of intrigue and well-written character prose. Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review, and I'll try to fix the spacing. I always have trouble wit that.

I think Regulus is one of the best characters in the series as well, and I always want to know more about him.

Thanks again!


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Review #2, by HeyMrsPotter These Memories

27th August 2013:
Hello! I'm here with your (very late) prize review for my challenge!

I really enjoyed this, I think it gave a great insight into Regulus. We don't know a great deal about him aside from his involvement with Voldemort but I think the personality you've created for him here fits perfectly. I like that there are undertones of him rebelling throughout the story which works well considering he does it a lot more subtly than Sirius did. I enjoyed the facade that he presented, even when it was just him and Kreacher he still had to show himself as a cold person.

The description of Sirius' room was lovely, though I'd have liked a little bit more about how he had rebelled, we know from JKR that he had muggle pictures and Gryffindor colours etc, maybe you could include that? Same with when you mentioned Regulus being sorted-I'd have liked a mention of Sirius going into Gryffindor :) They're just minor suggestions though :)

Overall a great one-shot. Good luck in the challenge!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for getting to it! I completely forgot, too.

I'm glad you liked it as well! I'm also happy someone picked up on the scene between him and Kreacher. I didn't think many people noticed that I was trying to make the point of Regulus being so rude to him.

Thank you so much for the suggestions and I'll be sure to fix them and add some description to that part.

Thanks for the review and again, for the honorable mention!


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Review #3, by adluvshp These Memories

21st August 2013:
Hey! Here for review tag.

I quite liked this! I enjoyed your portrayal of Regulus and the way his thoughts run here. You showed the position he was in, very well. I also liked how he hid behind a facade to be deemed fit for his family yet hated everything silently inside. The idea of his true thoughts coming to the surface when thinking of Sirius was really good too.

There were a couple of grammar/spelling errors in this so I think you could do with a thorough re-read or a quick beta. Otherwise, this was well-written and I liked it. Good work.

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I think I'll go read it over because I've been meaning to edit my one-shots for a while. I'm glad you liked the short little plot though!

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Review #4, by 800 words of heaven These Memories

15th August 2013:
REVIEW TAG!

Okay, I must admit, I'm a bit of a sucker for Regulus stories, even though I don't really like dark and angsty stories, and Regulus stories are invariably dark and angsty. But this was really good!

I think you really captured what it would've been like for Regulus after Sirius left and before he joined up the Death Eaters. You've clearly shown his reasons for signing up, yet still explored the side of him with which we're more familiar, post-Deathly Hallows.

All in all, I think you've dealt with a complex character with great aplomb and the right amount of empathy. Great job! Write on!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I think characters like Regulus and Peter are the most complex and that's why I like to write them. Also, there's a lot of creative freedom there. I always feel so bad for him.

Thanks for your review!


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Review #5, by navyfail These Memories

10th August 2013:
Hi! I am here from the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

First off, I do think you managed to capture Regulus. I love how I saw a glimpse of an internal conflict. How he thinks about if what he has been raised to believe is right makes him even more realistic. I liked reading about the parts when his opinions of his brother came out. It makes me think that he really cared. However, he wasn't sure if Sirius cared about him back.

A couple things I noticed were that there are a few long paragraphs. If you separated them into shorter paragraphs the story would be easier to read.

"She wanted to let us know not to converse with Andromeda every again. " I am guessing the 'every' was supposed to be 'ever.'

I enjoyed reading this.
~Sama

Author's Response: I always love thinking about what Regulus acted like, and I finally got around to writing it. I think he would be the complete opposite of Sirius, but secretly wishing Sirius loved him. He's also very jealous of Sirius, because he had the will and courage to do what Regulus never could.

Thank you for telling me about that, and I'll fix it up!

Thanks for your review, as well. It was very helpful!


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Review #6, by redraven These Memories

8th August 2013:
Dear blackballet,

You really do a good job here setting up the suspense necessary to get readers to come back for Chapter 2 -- good job! The anger in Regulus' narration was pretty consistent, and the piece flowed at an appropriate pace (just slow enough that the reader feels like they're getting that glimpse into in someone's head who is lost in thought).

For me it would have been nice to see more characterization of Walburga and Orion. I always like to see how characters interact with others . . . I feel like it ends up revealing a lot about their personality. Although the reader gets an idea of what Regulus thinks of them (especially Walburga) it would have added more depth to have more of a description of the conversation. How does she stand? What does her body language convey while she's ordering her son around? Conversely, what does Regulus' body language reveal when he talks to his parents? How good is he really at hiding his true feelings?

Also, I noticed some odd phrasings (probably typos). The first one occurs when Regulus is remembering his sorting experience: "And oh nervous I was that day." When Walburga mentions the spare wands, they should be in the "utensil drawer", not "draw" (When I pronounce that word I say "draw", so I make that mistake literally all the time).

My favorite portion was the scene in Sirius' room. I love the description you offer here, and how you weave in memories triggered by his current observations. This was a really interesting read, and I think you did a really great job with Regulus' character! Thank you!

Yours truly,
redraven

Author's Response: Thank you so much, but this is just a one-shot! Maybe I'll make it a short story another time.

Thank you, and I'll work on that. Sometimes I don't use enough description. I'll make sure to fix those as well, and thanks for pointing them out.

I'm glad you enjoyed that part, and thanks for your review!

Hope to hear more from you soon


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Review #7, by academica These Memories

5th August 2013:
Hello, here for the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

Your characterization of Regulus is a lot different from mine, but I kind of like it. On the surface he's very unlikable, but your ending suggests that there is a chance for redemption if he chooses to take it. You can tell he's committed to the role he has to play by the way he talks to Kreacher and refers to him as "it," even when they're alone in the house. I also like how he secretly resents his mother, too; it was always hard for me to figure out how an apparently smart young man could actually buy into the crazy things that Walburga apparently said.

I do think this one-shot could use some beta work, since you've got some extraneous commas and awkward phrasing and misspelled words. Having a Quick Beta look over it could help smooth it out and allow readers to focus on the content easily.

Also, it felt like Regulus's characterization was a little rushed at the end. He seemed to have an epiphany that summed up everything we know about how he changed after he betrayed Voldemort. I think you could do more "showing" in that section instead of "telling" in terms of what his behavior needs to be versus what it actually is. Hopefully that makes sense!

Good work!

-Amanda

Author's Response: He is just a very conflicted boy. I always felt bad for him, because I think that even though everyone else gave up on Sirius, they still didn't want him as the heir. As I mentioned in the story, Walburga didn't even give up on him until his fifth year, and I think that bothers Regulus as well.

I didn't send this to my beta because he's a bit busy right now, but I'll look it over for all of those things. Thank you for mentioning all those things, and I understand what you mean about it being a bit rushed now.

Thanks for your review!


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Review #8, by purplepotter77 These Memories

4th August 2013:
I really enjoyed reading this! Regulus is such an interesting character, and I love the way he's portrayed here and how you explored his character. His connection to Sirius and his relationship with his mother were conveyed very well. The scene where he explored Sirius' room gave a great insight into their relationship and how it makes Regulus rethink himself and his life a bit.

I caught a few typos and grammar things here and there, and I think the large paragraph near the end could have been split up a bit, but it didn't take away from the story too much.

Great job on this; it was really interesting to read! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I've always wanted to do a scene in Sirius' room. Like forever.

Multiple people have spoken about the paragraph, so it must really be a bother. Sorry! I'll fix that soon.

I'm really glad you liked it, and now I'm off to review one of your stories!


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Review #9, by patronus_charm These Memories

4th August 2013:
Team Blue!

I thought you caught the air of Regulus really well. Iíve never read about him from first person POV before but I really enjoyed it here. You got the arrogance of him being a pureblood prince down perfectly but there was still an air of innocence in there which worked really well.

I liked the joining to canon things such as him stealing Siriusí magazines and Walburga being protective of him. Both things made sense due to Sirius leaving them and I really liked it as it gave a touch of Regulus slightly following in Siriusí bad footsteps.

The idea of him going into Siriusí room to provoke his conscious was really lovely. It showed us what he was going to do next with directly saying and that subtly was really effective. I think the way you left it hanging was really great.

I have a couple of CCs for you if you donít mind. There was a massive paragraph towards the end of this one-shot which made it a little tricky to keep up my concentration on, so perhaps if you spilt it up a little that would be better.

Also in regards to some of Walburgaís dialogue you didnít always keep up the formal air expected of her, for example you said twelve PM at one point and that seemed a little too American and informal for me so perhaps midnight would be better.

I hope I didnít seem to harsh, I just wanted to make the one-shot the best it can be as itís really great! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I think this is one of the stories I'm prouder of, because Regulus is such a rare character. I really enjoyed writing him without any influence from reading other stories.

I definitely have a problem with writing too long of a paragraph, so I will fix that right away, and I also do use a lot of Americanisms, so I'll fix that as well.

You weren't being harsh at all! That was just the critique I needed.

Team Bronze, signing off


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Review #10, by Haronione These Memories

3rd August 2013:
Hey blackballet!

I enjoyed this little one-shot. I am fascinated by the relationship that Sirius and Regulus had and enjoy reading different interpretations of it. The fics I have read about their relationship have been from Sirius's POV, so it was nice to see it from Regulus's.

I have read a few fics where Regulus is proud to be a Black, and is eager to join Voldemort. I love your different characterisation of Regulus here. It's great to see a Regulus who feels forced into the prejudice ways of his family, rather than being so willingly. I particularly like how by simply being in Sirius's room he starts to rethink things and sees things as Sirius would have done. How sad that he feels he can't go in Sirius's room because of this.

I think that the Regulus you have portrayed here is a realistic one. I could really see the boy in this fic finally plucking up the courage to turn against Voldemort and his family.

This was a good insight into the family dynamics of the Blacks and I really enjoyed reading it :)

Haronione ♥

Author's Response: I love writing and reading Regulus! I think he is such a dynamic character because he is so influenced.

Thank you so much! I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what direction I should go, and I'm glad I chose this one!


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Review #11, by AlexFan These Memories

2nd August 2013:
I really loved this. I love how you showed that Regulus really cared about his brother and missed him even though he was angry at him for leaving. I also loved the part where Regulus refers to Kreacher as it. It fit in perfectly with how purebloods thought and treated house-elves.

I think you got Kreacher's need to serve the Black family really well, you could hear that he would do anything for the black family.

What I find really interesting is that this is about Kreacher realising that maybe what he's been taught his whole life is wrong and that his disowned family members were right. It's the first time that I've read something like this and I really enjoyed how you brought out the insecurity that Regulus must be feeling and the betrayal.

Really well done job on this!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I do take a bit of pride in my characterizations. That's always how I imagined Regulus would act, as well.

I think that it would be so hard for Regulus to disregard Sirius' ideals completely. He was his role model growing up, and still a big influence. I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #12, by LilyLou These Memories

15th July 2013:
LilyLou here!

I'm sorry I haven't gotten round to reviewing this. I haven't reviewed any entry yet. I have to say I loved it! I love Regulus so much, and this was a good one shot that described to me a bit of what you think Regulus was like. Thank you so much for entering my challenge.

Thanks, and Keep Writing!

-LilyLou

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm happy to hear you liked it, and had a lot of fun writing it. Thanks again.

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Review #13, by maskedmuggle These Memories

14th July 2013:
Hi there!

I definitely really enjoyed reading your story! I really loved the special insight and perspective of Regulus that you provided here - you made me see him in a different light. I really loved the idea of how he had more of a connection to Sirius than you'd originally think, and how he was struggling with the conflict of familial loyalty, right and wrong. Those were difficult times and I think you managed to convey Regulus' struggle during those times really effectively!

I did notice some tense/spelling/grammar errors, so perhaps you'd like to give it a reread and edit, or consider getting a beta to just quickly look over it for you and provide you with a fresh perspective, but other than that, I thought this was nicely written! :)

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was very shaky on this story, and I'm happy you enjoyed it. I do have a beta, but I had to get this in for a challenge, and I was afraid it wouldn't be in by deadline. Thanks for letting me know all the things you noticed. I'll edit it as soon as I'm able to.

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