Reading Reviews for A Thorn to the Dumbledores
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lululuna Charms Class

6th March 2014:
Hello! :)

I'm so glad to be back at this story! You write this era so beautifully and I can't wait to find out what happens next. The descriptions of the clothing, the food... the details into what happens in classes... this is such a unique fan fiction, and it's really vivid and engaging.

had tied my hair in a simple horseís tail with a slender rose-colored ribbon after having brushed it about one hundred times. I basically loved the whole first paragraph but this was a great detail about her hair especially. The idea of brushing it 100 times feels very authentic and something the girls would have done in those days.

I'm intruiged by the fact that the paintings are so grimy and that Hogwarts seemed a little underkept. Hmm, I wonder what is going on there? The man in the portrait who hid from the girls made me smile as well, Hogwarts lore like that is just amazing.

A small creamer filled with milk appeared with a small plate of butter and a tiny jar of strawberry jam. These descriptions were really lovely and made me very nostalgic for England. I could really see the scene and I like how the differences from Hogwarts in Harry's time are quite clear, which makes this story all the more interesting. Even the fact that the Levitating spell is different makes me wonder.

Poor Elphias: he reminds me a little bit of Neville, in fact. I like how Julia is so kind to him, while Bridget is wary - her treatment of him is sad, but realistic.

I'm guessing that something is going on with Albus and people trying to talk to him about his father, and can't wait to hear his explanation when Julia figures it out. My first impression of Albus is that he is a little aware of his own brilliance, and hasn't yet reached that point where he likes teaching and sharing his knowledge and skills with lesser wizards. He's quite curious at eleven.

Julia is such a delightful character, she's very observant and careful and kind. Bridget seems more like the vivacious one who doesn't always act as nice as her friend, but they balance one another quite well so far.

I loved this, and will be back soon! :D Well done!

Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Blackout Battle Round 2 - Review 4 of 15

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you very much! I've been trying very hard to give the impression of actually being in the Victorian era. :)

Oh! That would be a very good question why the Portraits and paintings are so grimy.

From everything that I have read, schooling in the Victorian era is so different than it is today. :)

I have a very interesting twist planned for when Julia finally learns about what happened, but perhaps this much I can say: she learns it from a very unlikely source.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #2, by nott theodore Charms Class

5th March 2014:
Hi again, here with your second review!

This was a really enjoyable second chapter of the story. I know that I already mentioned the detail you include in this story making it even better to read, but I really appreciate people who put an effort into that sort of detail, since it makes the story seem a lot more authentic and believable. There were even some things that were just a couple of words and they made me realise the planning you'd put into this. It's clear you are very dedicated to this story! I also wanted to say that you've managed the 'Other' era well; normally people throw too many OCs into a story but you've managed to keep the core cast small enough for us to begin to feel familiar with them.

The description here really worked well for the setting, too; the opening of the chapter reminded me of a lot of novels written in this period, which tend to use a lot of description and detail, so the style you're using seems very appropriate and fitting for that.

I liked the wonder and enthusiasm that both Bridget and Julia had for their classes here, since I don't imagine it would fade quickly! Although I also liked Bridget's frustration with finding the lessons so hard, because it would be quite disheartening not to be able to do something that other people in the class can.

I loved the detail that you quickly mentioned about female teachers surprising a lot of people! It did a lot to remind me of the state of Muggle society at the time and the general lack of freedoms that women had. The difference in the two societies would be a big thing for any Muggle-born to overcome!

I started to feel really sorry for Albus here, since he's clearly already having problems on the basis of what his father has become famous for doing - it's harder for us since we know the story behind what happened and why his father did attack the Muggle boys, but since Albus doesn't seem to tell any of his schoolmates I think it would be really difficult for him at school. Julia's curiosity seems valid since she wouldn't know anything about it - it's too early for issues of blood status to have arisen, I think. I quite liked Albus's characterisation, especially with the way he could complete the spells so easily and was already showing that brilliance.

I really enjoyed this chapter and the way that you're going with this story. Hopefully I get the chance to come back and review some more in the future!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry again for the delay in response!

Thank you! Many of the OCs that I have in this story will be ancestors of the characters that we know and will very likely have some of their habits. ;)

Yes, poor Albus. He's trying so hard to keep attention off of him and instead spends his time studying.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #3, by nott theodore First Train to Hogwarts

5th March 2014:
Hi Chele! I'm here with the first of your reviews for winning the February Review Competition - I hope you don't mind me picking a story myself!

I don't actually think I've ever read any stories set in this era before, so when I saw this on your author's page it really intrigued me. There are a few stories around about Albus once he's left school and become friends with Grindelwald, but I think you've got a really unique and original idea with this story and I'm excited to see where you intend to go with it. I also love historical fiction so the fact that you'd clearly put effort into finding out and incorporating historical details into this story made it even better.

The first few paragraphs of this chapter really helped to set up the premise for the whole story, I think; the existence of servants and the way that different matters were handled really helped me to feel like I was in the right time period, and that was really helpful since you're asking us to move back over 100 years ago!

Another thing I loved about this chapter was the way you really captured what it was like for someone to be a Muggle-born at this time, with even more differences than the present day, probably. Julia's excitement was tangible, and I think the style of narration that you used really helped to communicate her youth and her awe at this new world that she's found herself in, full of magic. I imagine it would have been quite difficult for Muggle-borns at this time, since the Victorian society wasn't exactly the most accepting, and I like the fact that you showed that with some contrast in backgrounds and Julia's parents not being that happy at the idea that she's a witch. Another aspect which I thought was great was the sudden friendship between Julia and Bridget - it's exactly the sort of thing young kids decide, that they'll be best friends forever when they've only just met - and I like the fact it showed that no matter how much society changes, the nature of most children doesn't change that much.

The detail that you included about the train was interesting - I guess that, like with most technologies, the wizarding world has been slower to adapt to the new changes in transport and have only just started to use the train to get the students to Hogwarts. One thing I think you could have included there (I think this is from Pottermore information though) is the different ways that pureblood families would use to get their children to Hogwarts (I think even flying carpets were mentioned). Nevertheless, I enjoyed the wonder at the use of something so magnificent and their conversation with the older girls.

I have to admit I was a little confused when the narrative switched to Albus, but it became clear fairly quickly and I liked reading about his experience as he started out for Hogwarts. I felt even more sorry for him than I did for Harry starting school - at least when people stared at him it wasn't for something horrible! Your description of Elphias made me feel really sorry for him too, but I'm glad that Albus decided to sit with him in the end, even if it was because he had no other options! The two of them bonding over Quidditch made me smile; I imagine that a lot of boys have done that over the years!

The sorting was well done too, and I was surprised to see Elphias Doge in Ravenclaw, although it suits him and also makes sense, since I'm sure not everyone in the Order can have been in Gryffindor! And it's good for house unity too!

This was a really great first chapter and I enjoyed reading it. I'll be back with your second review soon!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for the delay in responding.

I am very happy that you like this story. I've tried very hard to give the feel of the Victorian era.

I will definitely look up about possible different methods of traveling to Hogwarts. It makes sense and I have been wondering why all the magical families north of London travel to London in order to ride the train to Hogwarts.

Once I read about Albus' childhood, I felt very sorry for him. Also, I could only imagine the distrust that Elphias endured until every sign of the dragon pox was gone.

I considered putting Elphias in Gryffindor so everyone in the group of friends would be together, but something about him reminded me about Ravenclaw. :)

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #4, by Lululuna First Train to Hogwarts

1st March 2014:
Hello! :)

I really love this story already! I have a weakness for historical stories and this seems so original about an era that isn't often covered in fanfiction. I really like how the prose seems to complement the era, in how it feels very formal but also vividly descriptive and beautiful. The writing does a lovely job in capturing the atmosphere of the era.

I love seeing how the process of being a Muggleborn and entering Hogwarts would have appeared at this time! The little details, like the fact that the barkeep shook the father's hand first and addressed him, felt very real for the period. I love how her parents like their house being bright and colourful as well - in my mind, the Victorian era feels very purple and grey when I picture it, and already these characters feel like a bright splash of colour there.

The little details about the wizaridng world are making me so happy, really - I love the way you described Ollivander's and all the wands, and how Julia feels a little disconcerted there. The wands with the little gears on them are very curious (as Ollivander would say :P) and I smiled at how Julia felt sorry for the dragon. I'm really enjoying her character so far. The exclamation marks show very well how excited and surprised she is at all these wonders being presented to her. I also liked how she bonded with Bridget so quickly and was sad when they had to part ways - it felt very typical of young children and how they just want to stay with their friends and not say goodbye.

Haha, it's pretty funny that the other animals for pets would be spiders and rats! Explaining the owl to the hackney driver made me laugh and was another wonderful period detail. I also really enjoyed the descriptions of the clothes - I can tell you've done your homework and put so much thought into each detail. And how they call the boys "Mr" !

The fact that this would be the first time they used the train is so intruiging. I love how you've tied that in, and how it's a bit of a novelty for the wizards. The explanation of how the tradition of the Hogwarts Express got started and its effect on the students not having to use carriages anymore was great.

Ah, the red-haired boy is Albus! I have to say I was a little confused for a moment in thinking Julia's father had secretly been in Azkaban. :P But I love how he met Elphias and they bonded over Quidditch, just like I'm sure so many young boys have bonded on the train over the years. Albus being lost in his thoughts on the train fits very well with his older self as well, and I like how Julia sees the good in him and isn't offended. I'm liking her more and more! The boys are such little gentlemen as well.

I quite enjoyed the details you went into with describing Hogwarts and the Sorting ceremony, I really enjoyed how you wrote it all. And yay, they're in Gryffindor! Elphias being in Ravenclaw was unexpected, but I like how it will show inter-house unity as well. The descriptions of the food were perfect - I love how much thought and effort you've put into bringing Hogwarts to life.

This was an amazing first chapter to a wonderful story. Your writing here is beautiful and I will hopefully find the time to review the next chapter soon! :D

Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Blackout Battle - Review 4 of 10

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I also have the impression of Victorian colors being purple, rose and cream. Though I wonder if that's a perception because of how our colors are named? Like antique rose, etc.

The wands with the gears on them play an interesting role in this novel, though it will be several chapters away. I've been curious from when I started reading the series just how they're able to obtain dragon heartstrings.

When I looked up about passenger trains, I learned that the Muggles were already using them by the time my first Victorian novel takes place. However, it seems that the wizarding world doesn't accept new technology quite as quickly and adding the magic to train would have also taken time. :) It does make it easier for the students to get to Hogwarts and spend just the day traveling instead of nearly a week!

I'm wondering if there aren't more trains to gather the students for the school year and we only see the one train because it's the one that Harry travels on.

I've really been working on adding more descriptions into my stories as well as balancing description/dialogue. :)

Thank you very much!!

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Review #5, by lindslo2012 Flying Lessons

27th February 2014:
Hi LilyEPotter!
Here for another requested review!!!
I see I am the first to review this chapter. Yay!
So as I enjoyed your first two chapters I enjoyed reading this one as well:)
I really liked how the History of Magic just randomly came into the class room and started teaching, I would be rather shocked but excited about that if I were there!
Another part of the chapter I enjoyed was the flying lessons. I did enjoy your different approach to their learning! It was unique! :)
I like reading unique stories like your's and I love the way you describe the characters so well. I almost feel like I know the girls! :D
Very awesome chapter. Good job!
Re-request again!! :D
Until next time,

Author's Response: Thank you!

The History of Magic class was interesting to write. I agree, I would also be shocked if my teacher entered the classroom through the chalkboard. :)

I did have fun writing about their first flying lesson. It's amazing how the viewpoints on education have changed, isn't it?

I really enjoy writing in the earlier historical eras.

Thank you very much!

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Review #6, by lindslo2012 Charms Class

27th February 2014:
Well hello there.
Here for your requested review!
Once again I applaud you for writing another brilliant chapter. I am getting to be very interested with what is going on with Albus because he seems to be pretty upset about something.
I enjoyed all the details of their classes because when I write about a student in Hogwarts classes I tend to have a hard time writing what they are doing. I am not sure why but maybe it is because I haven't been able to read the books in quite awhile and I believe it had alot more detail in there.
Anyways, I think that Julia and Brigette seem like pretty awesome girls, and I think that if Albus and his friend get to know them they could probably get to be good friends or even me?
I can see that Julia seems to really enjoy charms class and that is pretty awesome- I believe I would enjoy charms class alot too.
Well I didn't see any issues with your writing so once again not much CC to give here!!!
I hope you come back again!
Until next time,

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

The classes have been interesting to write. I've been looking for new ways to write them. I chose to continue the style of class from my first Victorian story in that the spells state precisely what they are to do.

I've been trying to keep Julia and Bridget from becoming a Mary Sue. Thank you! The four do become good friends. :)

I think I'd enjoy Charms class the most also. It's the easiest of the classes for me to write. :D

Thank you very much!

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Review #7, by lindslo2012 First Train to Hogwarts

25th February 2014:
Here for your requested review.
Congrats this is my very first story to read in this era and I enjoyed it very much.
I could tell from the very beginning that this story is going to be a good one because of all the detail and things you put in it.
My favorite part of your story was when you brought Albus into the picture. I love to read about Dumbledore because we don't know very much about him and he is a very interesting character. :)
I hope you re-request so I can come back for more!
Until nxt time,

Author's Response: Thank you very much! :)

I really like writing stories that take place in Victorian times. I think it's a really interesting time in history especially concerning inventions.

I definitely wanted to write a story on Albus going to Hogwarts.

Thank you!!

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Review #8, by SiriuslyPotter First Train to Hogwarts

24th February 2014:
that is amazing, you are obviously a very talented writer!! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!!!


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Review #9, by DoctorUnderwood First Train to Hogwarts

21st February 2014:
This is truly unique. I've never read a Dumbledore growing up story. Looking forward to reading more.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I really like writing stories that take place in Victorian times because there's so much just waiting to be written, like Albus growing up. :)

Thank you!

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Review #10, by MargaretLane Charms Class

10th August 2013:
*grins* I like the way Permelia is surprised by the greater freedom women have in the wizarding world. That makes sense.

You must have put an awful lot of planning into this story, as it's nearly all OCs, apart from Albus, Elphias and Binns.

Love the attention to detail and the way your give the impression of the period.

And Dumbledore WOULD be one of the few students able to listen to Binns. Must have been weird for him later on, being Headmaster over a teacher who taught him in his childhood, but I guess so much time had passed by that stage, he'd no longer think of him so much as an old teacher.

*laughs at the comment about the test* We'd a lecturer who did that at college when we weren't paying attention. She said "now about the test..." and then started laughing and said that got us listening.

*cracks up at it obviously not being a real person since it was made of brass* That WOULD be an indication all right.

*laughs at the comment about the cauldrons melting*

And *grins* looks like Bridget fancies Elphias.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Wish there was an "Edit" button here because I accidently selected the wrong button on the other reply, but I was considering putting Elphias in Gryffindor, but after a lot of thought, decided to put him in Ravenclaw.

I'm finding I'm enjoying writing in timeframes that are not so well defined. As far as I know, there is not much written in the Victorian era. I guess it's just one step closer to writing my own stories. I really do like reading stories that take place in the Victorian era.

I suspect in every class, there might be one or two who could manage to listen to Binns for any length of time.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #11, by MargaretLane First Train to Hogwarts

10th August 2013:
Love the opening paragraphs to this story. They really seem to capture the era you're writing about. And you've pretty much characterised the mother in those two lines about them being considered daring for their bright colours and her reaction to the bright yellow.

When she's asked where her parents are, she says "likely with your, stopping for a cup of tea." I presume she means "likely with yours".

Hmm, it's just occurred to me that the mix of backgrounds at Hogwarts could have been quite shocking in that era. A Muggleborn from the slums interacting with Muggleborns from high society. Could get interesting. And if you go back a little earlier, there'd have been the language barrier. By 1890, English had become the language of Ireland though. 30/40 years earlier, not so much.

Love the mention of how trains are a fairly new invention. They're not THAT new by 1890 though. They were fairly common at least 50 years by that time.

Oh, Elphias is in Ravenclaw. I assumed all four would be in the same house. Ravenclaw does suit him though.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I am so sorry for the delay in replying. It's been fairly hectic here.

Yes, I did mean "yours" and it is now corrected. Thank you!

While I was researching for my other Victorian story, I did notice that trains had been invented by that time, but weren't exactly the most comfortable means of transportation. So I held off and kept to carriages instead, especially since it seems like the wizarding world doesn't progress as fast as the Muggle world with concern to inventions.

So I decided that at some point before this story starts, the wizarding world decides to use the train and begins to develop it for their use. I suppose even with magic it might take awhile to magic all the tracks and the train station...

I did consider putting Elphias in Gryffindor, but Ravenclaw suited him better.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #12, by blackballet First Train to Hogwarts

2nd August 2013:
You are a very nice writer! You are very descriptive, and I didn't notice any grammatical errors. I think it might be a tad too rambling and descriptive, but that is a very small problem. I really enjoyed your characters and characterizations! I have never read a a younger version of Dumbledore, and I think you write him very well. I really enjoyed it!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I am working on revising the chapters to be a little more concise.

I'm having fun writing this story. I really like writing in this particular era as there are very few stories for this era.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #13, by BookDinosaur First Train to Hogwarts

26th July 2013:
Hello, it's -BookDinosaur- here! Please, please forgive me for this criminally late requested review. Feel free to denounce me in the next chapter you write.

So, I really like Permelia! Like your other OCs she's very likeable, although she seems very similar to Merissa from your other story with the same strict-but-loving parents and attitude to the Wizarding world; just guard against making the two of them too similar. I'm also glad you chose to write in this era again, you really seem to have a flair for it and you obviously enjoy it.

I love how you made this in such an early era and how the Hogwarts Express was so new, it was a really nice touch and you're right, the train can't have been there from the beginning.

Seeing the young Albus Dumbledore was really odd, and it must have been pretty difficult to write, because I've never read a story about him as a boy. It's really hard to imagine, but I think you pulled it off really well. Knowing so much of his background was really interesting as well, and the way you incorporated just a little but was really well done. Also, the red hair surprised me at first, but it is actually canon, so well done there!

My one CC for this would be that Permelia, and especially her writing, seem very mature and well done for eleven - I doubt I could write a diary entry that well! :P Although I'm a really bad diary writer, so that might just be me. :)

All in all, this was a really good opening chapter and I'm really glad I read this and I'm so sorry for how long it took for me to get this review to you.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I really do like this era, there seems to be so little written about it and makes it a little easier to create your own characters and stories. :)

It's been interesting to write Albus as a student at Hogwarts.

I'll take another look at both her writing and behavior and see if I can change it just a little. From what I understand, the parents expected much more from their children which might cause them to be a little more mature than they would be otherwise. But I will look at it again. Thank you for pointing it out.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #14, by missclaire17 First Train to Hogwarts

19th July 2013:
Hello! This is Claire from the forums (:

I found myself surprised to heard that this was the first trip using the train, and again surprised when the groundskeeper wasn't Hagrid, and once again surprised when the Headmaster wasn't Dumbledore! Everything seems so familiar, yet it's not. I suppose that's the thing about Hogwarts!

I have a distinct feeling that Permelia's parents are very formal people; the fact that her father kept telling her not to be late and how it seemed they had little sympathy made me wonder whether that was the reason why Permelia was so quick to accept Albus's apology. I expect that Albus probably did not realize that Bridget and Permelia had talked to him.

Reading about a young Albus Dumbledore, in which many people probably looked at him warily, was very odd. Like Harry said, it's like a stupid Hermione: just something you can't really imagine.

Knowing a lot of Dumbledore's backstory will definitely make this very interesting.

This is a very good start to what I can see will be a very intriguing story regarding Albus. I'm quite glad I have read this! (:

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I'm finding it a definite challenge to write in the Victorian timeframe, especially with balancing the style of the Victorian era to today's style.

Albus is fairly withdrawn at this point given he doesn't want to draw attention to himself because of his father's notoriety. So, no, Albus didn't really hear them and was surprised to find out that they had.

I have been having fun writing this story.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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