Reading Reviews for Then There was Light
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by xTimexTurnerx Forever Changing Words

17th January 2014:
Howdy! Ms. Lizzie/ xTimexTurnerx here from the forums!

I've gotta admit, I've read Twilight fanfic and I've obviously read Harry Potter fanfic but never a crossover. I think you're brave for writing it and bringing the two worlds together.

There are a couple minor grammar/ spelling errors:
1. We're not in the alley no more. (Should be 'any more')
2. He enclosed mines into his and he began to guide me through a street that he seemed familiar with. (He enclosed my hand? that makes more sense)

I did like that you kept each character canon in their emotions and until the part where Isabella started trying to figure out what Harry was and discounted werewolves and vampires, it was not obvious she was Isabella from Twilight. She could have been a human OC, which I liked.

Side note, poor Bella if she really did get mixed up with vampires, werewolves and wizards... oh my!

Interesting to read, thank you!
xx Lizzie

Author's Response: Hello Lizzie! n_n

Ah shucks! -^_^- I'd never thought to cross these two if it weren't for a video I saw the main character paired up in. It was a pretty cool video, so it was what inspired me to write it in the first place. :)


I know, I plan to rewrite this whenever I have more time to fix those pesky errors. -_-


Hehe, yeah. :P Bella could have been an OC, but there's a reason why I'd address her as "Isabella," and not the name she prefers. You will see whenever I get the chance to post the novel version of this. :D

Hahaha. I know right! She's going to be in for a long ride! XP



No, thank you for reading and reviewing!




- Asphodel


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Review #2, by Your Very Late Secret Santa Forever Changing Words

3rd January 2014:
Wow, that was certainly a very interesting story!

I don't mind crossovers - I read a lot of them and have been known to write one or two in my day, but I do have to admit I have never read Twilight. Still, I know enough about the premise of the story to not be totally lost here.

It took me a minute to figure out what was going on, but that's a good thing! It added to the whole mystery of the story. I like it when stories jump right into the action and let readers figure out the details on their own rather than doing what I sometimes call a "dumping section" where they try to explain everything and set the stage. It's much more enjoyable to grab our attention and drop tantalizing hints for us to piece together.

I figured out at the beginning that this was Harry Potter and Bella from twilight, but it took me a while to figure out if Harry was in her world, or she was in his, or if the two worlds existed together. For a moment, I thought Harry was at school and had entered the Room of Requirement, but I liked how it turned out instead.

But now you have left me with a ton of questions! How did Harry discover her world, and why did he go there? How did they become friends? And why of all places would he take her to Godrick's Hollow? Such intrigue! Is there more to this or did you mean to leave this as a very mysterious piece of writing? Because I think it would work either way.

Great story! I really enjoyed it! You have a talent for descriptions which made it fun to read. And I'm so sorry these gifts are so slow. Internet and I did NOT get along this Christmas Holiday! SORRY!

Author's Response: Don't worry about being late! It happens. :P

I'm glad that you are familiar with the series so that you were able to find this brief fiction enjoyable! :D

I'm also glad that you picked up on me trying to cause a mysterious atmosphere for my readers too! ^_^ A couple of readers who commented on this did not get my purpose of it. :/ oh well...


Anyways, to answer the rest of your questions - There is more to the story! n_n In fact, I am in the process or writing the novel version of this! This one-shot was just to give you a little taste! ;)

Thank you for your kind-gifted words! :3 And thanks so much for reading! :^D


- Asphodel


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Review #3, by APerkins Forever Changing Words

12th November 2013:
Hi from review tag!
How are you going?
Well, I wanted to let you know that I think you have captured Meyers characterisation of Bella really really well. Nauseated by apparating! Brilliant.
Also her 'need' of Harry. You dont go into that much in the story, don't explain why she needs Harry, but we don't really need to know about that anyway. you've jsut made it obvious in her desperation as she chases after Harry. Even in the way you described Harry looking at her- it was well done.

There are a few typos through - perhaps getting a quick Beta to go through your one shots isnt a bad idea, Ill go through the ones I noticed now, not so much to criticise, but more because I love it when people find things I can improve in my writing :) I hope thats ok
the first paragraph, you say that "his" frustration was rubbing off on you.I just wasnt sure which he you were referring too - cause I suspect Harry is the one who is frustrated, but the way it is written, the He should be referring to the stranger she bumps into.
In the apparating paragraph, you've switched tenses. it should read "in the hope that this sickening sensation would stop" - not be written in the present tense as it is now.
There was a tense change again after she stops feeling sick. It should probably say " I dont know how long we were standing like that..." and again "We were in another neighbourhood -I thought." alhtough you'd probably be better of rearranging that sentence completely to make the tense right - I think thats enough of the tense changes - you get the idea, and Im sure a beta would fix that studd no problems.
the other thing that caught my attention was the conversation "So how did you that" - I think its meant to read "So how did you do that" and Harry (unless he is exhibiting bad grammar) would normally say "Do what" as opposed to "did what" - perhaps that is just a tense confusion again.

I really liked what you did at the end having him use the patronus as a way to bring Bella into his world. I didnt quite catch who the baby crib was for though. It was cute, but I wasnt sure what was going on.

Overall, I really really loved the fusion of the two storylines. I think it was kinda fun listening to Bella going through her mental check list. Can be a werewolf, cant be a vampire...
must be...
a wizard!
well done!
anthea

Author's Response: Thanks dear for the critique! I did realize the part of Bella explaining her desperation for Harry too late because I was writing for a challenge.

Perhaps might take it down or something... not sure.

But thank you anyway for pointing out my errors. :)


And thanks for reading too! ^_^


- Asphodel


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Review #4, by toomanycurls Forever Changing Words

8th November 2013:
I'm not a huge Twilight fan but I wanted to review this because I'm at least familiar with the series.

You describe Bella quite in canon with Twilight. Though, she quite disliked being called Isabella. I'm a bit curious about a little bit of background on her relationship with Harry. I feel like this is a scene from the middle to end of their relationship.

I do really like Bella's attempt to figure out what Harry is. She does tend to have a monster/magical thing going on.

It's so sad that he brought her back to Godric's Hollow. Interesting choice for a date spot though.

I think this would be interesting as a multi-part story!

-Rose

Author's Response: I understand. :) I am not a big fan of Twilight either like I used to be.


And you're right, Bella doesn't like to be called "Isabella." And yes this is like insight of my novel-to-come about this one-shot with Harry and Bella.

I'm glad that this sounds interesting. Hopefully when I write the book for it, it'd be great and meet up to your expectations! ^_^


Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


- Asphodel


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Review #5, by milominderbinder Forever Changing Words

24th October 2013:
Okay, before I start this I feel I should admit I'm not a huge fan of Twilight. I used to be a bit into it when I was younger but I've forgotten most of it now. That said, I thought this was a really interesting story! I liked how you blended the two universes together - it seemed relatively seemless, not sloppy or awkward like a lot of crossovers can, so kudos there. I thought you wrote Bella really well, too - she wasn't annoying at all, and it was nice to read it from her POV, because we could really get into her emotions and views of the HP world.

Overall, this was really good! Well done :)

~Maia

Author's Response: Ah thank you! And don't worry, I hate Twilight too. :D Lol, Ironic right?


I just thought that these two controversies are quite interesting together - particularly Bella and Harry - and so I became daring squeezing these fandoms as one. :)

And thank you again, I can say now - I've ultimately achieved the achievable.

Thank you once more and thanks for reading!


- Asphodel


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Review #6, by lovethepotters Forever Changing Words

3rd July 2013:
Hi there! I'm here for the review tag :)

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm generally not a fan of crossovers, but I think your piece will be an exception to the rule!

I really love the sentence: "I don't care for being normal!" It aptly reflects what we know about Bella's character, as well as her love for all things supernatural :)

I'm a grammar Nazi (forgive me if you don't want to hear about minor editing issues) but I think "returning to the soft and understanding tone that I was use to and missed" needs to have a "d" added onto the end of "used", just so the rest of the sentence flows better.

I just have a few questions about the plot:

1. In your story, is Bella still a human or is she a vampire? Does the story take place before or after she marries Edward?

2. You've mentioned that Bella can see the statue of Harry and his parents in Godric's Hollow. According to JKR, only wizards and witches can see this statue, not muggles. Are you implying that Bella is possibly a squib (since she can see the statue) or are you disregarding canon and just pretending she can see it anyway? Sorry I'm a canon nut so that was the first thing that popped into my head!

Okay, I know I've probably bored you with my long review so I'll end it now. All in all, a wonderful one-shot with nice use of both HP and the Twilight universe :)

Author's Response: Hi! :)

Hehe, I'm glad you're making an exception. :D I understand how you feel. Most authors just don't do crossovers really well which makes it a turn off to readers and as reader myself, I had my fair share of those turn-off crossovers. XP

Generally, all it takes is a writer to take the time to make two world fandoms fit well together. Otherwise it just won't work. =)

And no problem, thanks for pointing out my mistakes. I actually know I have more when it had gotten validated, so I plan to edit it again when Staff gets off of vacation and validation is available once more. ;)


Well to answer your questions:

1.) Bella isn't a vampire. She's still human. :P I can't stand vampire Bella. >.<

2.) Thanks for pointing that out because I actually didn't know that. Well, in the sense of the word, it is AU - and what I plan for Bella is a bit more special for her. She's exactly not going to be a wizard but she's not a squib either. It's still a plan in process so you'll have to just wait and see if you stick around. ^_-

3.) This is after Eclipse and Edward and Bella are not married. However, really you won't know that because this one-shot is a glimpse of a novel I plan for Harry and Bella. =D

And thank you again for the very awesome review and thanks for reading. ♥

Stay tune!


- Asphodel


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