Reading Reviews for Tainted
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by 800 words of heaven Prologue.

16th August 2013:
Hello! Here with your exceptionally late review request!

In the first section alone, I think you've done really well in setting up your main character. She seems to be damaged and feels the need to hide her true feelings from the world, so already, she's an interesting character. However, the defensive girl falling for the understanding guy is a little cliche, so I'm looking forward to seeing how you make it work and give your own spin on things!

So I was a little confused about the setting of the flashback. Before the flashback, you said it was at the end of first year, but then you go on to describe winter, which happens at the end of first term, so when exactly is it? I'm going to go with the end of first term, simply because you set the scene for that time, as well the fact that it would make sense that James and Isobel still don't quite know each other by then, especially if Isobel is a little reticent. One other thing with the flashback was that Isobel's narration sounded a little too juvenile. I know that she's five years younger than she is in the main timeline, and that you were really trying to illustrate her youth, but she sounded far younger than eleven.

You describe your setting really well, helping to paint the scene for the reader. I think that's great, and a skill that you should really hone until you're even better, because it's something that's really important for readers, as it helps them to connect with the story.

This was a nice introduction to the story. I have an idea as to where the plot is going, and you've established your OC rather well. I'm looking forward to seeing how you'll treat a girl from a hardcore pureblood family sorted into Gryffindor, surrounded by "blood traitors"!

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Review #2, by ShadowRose Prologue.

6th August 2013:
Hello there, I'm here with your (rather late) requested review!

This is an interesting story - I can see that you're kind of trying to parallel the story of James and Lily but in a next-generation setting, and obviously, with rather different characters.

James has a very straightforward characterization, in that he's popular, a prankster, and is in love with this one girl. It is really similar to the original James, and while I know that that's probably what you're aiming for here, try to give him a little bit of a personality that's not based on his grandfather's, because it makes him more relatable.

Also, Isobel is an interesting character as well. It seems she has a bit of a backstory, and is a bit snarky and snappy as well. I like characters that have a bit of sass to them. :) I am a little confused about one thing, however: why is she so completely against James, but is happily best friends with Dom? I know you sort of explained it in the story, but I feel like it needs a more convincing explanation to really make sense, because right now it looks a tad hypocritical on Isobel's part to me.

The first flashback worked well in the story, and didn't really interrupt the flow at all. With the flashback (or whatever it is) at the very end, it might be good to specify that there's a point-of-view change or something like that, because it left me confused for a moment.

Also, I noticed quite a few grammar and spelling errors in this chapter. They can interrupt the flow, so I'd recommend getting a beta from the forums who can look over chapters for you and make any necessary changes. We all make mistakes, and oftentimes other people are much better at catching them than we are!

Overall, this looks like a very promising story - it'll be interesting to see where you take it. Feel free to re-request for later chapters!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

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Review #3, by BookDinosaur Prologue.

26th July 2013:
Hello! -BookDinosaur- here, please forgive me for this criminally late review. Feel free to throw small inanimate objects at me. Really.

I really like your characterisation of Isobel, she seems like a really believable, realistic character. I would like to know how she became a Gryffindor though, especially if she acts so much like a Slytherin. I also like James as a character, he's very likeable and I especially like how he's pursuing Isobel for a reason, rather than just mindlessly asking her out, like I've seen in many cliche stories. However, he does seem very similar to James I, so I'd just caution against that.

My main gripe with this story is how Isobel was so against getting to know James, but she happily becomes friends with Dom. I know it's explained in the story, but it still doesn't quite make sense to me. Also, I saw a couple of typos throughout the story, so I'd recommend looking into a beta.

I liked how you put in the flashback in, it didn't interrupt the flow at all. The only CC have for you there is that Isobel sounds really young for eleven, almost too young to be believed.

All in all I really liked this as an opening chapter, it was great. :)

Author's Response: Okay. Hi. And no, I'm not planning on any physical harm. :) LOL

So, Isobel. There is a lot more to Isobel and you'll soon find out why she is a Gryffindor once I'm done being lazy and get back to writing.
James. Yess. That is one of my major concerns. For James to be true to his identity rather than that of his grandfathers. However that, will also develop more as the story unfolds. He wont be similar to James I, I assure you. :)
Really? The flashback sounds too young. Oh on. I wanted to be careful with that because in my head I was okay with her sounding younger instead of older than 11. :P
All and all,
Thank you for your review. They are always appreciated. :D

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Review #4, by MadiMalfoy A fan of my sarcasm

12th July 2013:
Hello again! :)

Yay, a longer chapter! I quite liked it, what with the pranking Gryffindors on the Slytherin Quidditch team! I feel like that competition would never die out, just because that's how it always has been and always will be! :)

Using Isobel as the narrator was a great idea, and I'm glad you didn't change from person to person or use third person. It allows for a more personal connection to the piece and helps us understand your original character better, kind of learn about her thought process and feelings towards the others she interacts with.

Just a few grammar/spelling errors that interrupted the consistency, but those can be fixed with a proofreading. :) Other than that, there really isn't much for me to say for this chapter besides that the pranks were stellar and the bets are totally typical of them!

Great job, please re-request for future chapters! :)
~MadiMalfoy xx

Author's Response: Hi. :D
Chapter three will be much longer and so is taking time to write. I personally thought of this chapter as quite a filler, and then I gave it that cliffhanger ending. It felt weird writing a filler second chapter. And of course. The bets were typical. So yeah. :P
Yes! The grammar. Must get in the habit of proof reading!
-Kate. Xx

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Review #5, by MadiMalfoy Prologue.

9th July 2013:
Hey there! :) Here's your requested review!

Characterization: I think you've characterized James II very well! He's a popular prankster with a bunch of girls with immature crushes on him but really only likes one girl. Very canonical, so good job!! Since Isobel, and Edward are your OC's I won't say much, except that I really like them! There's a lot of potential for even better character development, so take that opportunity!

As far as flow goes, it works pretty well. The flashbacks aren't just thrown it, there's a sense of order and importance to them. The only thing really interrupting the flow is the grammar and spelling errors you have here and there. I think with a quick proofreading you could find those and fix them no problem!

As a whole, a great opening chapter! Please feel free to re-request for future chapters! :)
~MadiMalfoy xx

Author's Response: You know that rush of excitement when you see an increment in the number of reviews. Yeah that feeling. :D. Its aweeesooomme!

I'm glad you liked James. I want him to be like-able. :P. And about Isobel and Ed, there's a lot more to them, you'll find out more and more about them as the story proceeds.
Ah! Proof reading. Need to stop being lazy and proof read! I would love to re-request. :D
Kate. :D

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Review #6, by Rae Ella Prologue.

1st July 2013:
Very interesting. Keen to see where this goes

Author's Response: THANK YOU. :D

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