Reading Reviews for Transparent
  
46 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Alicelost Glamour

30th March 2015:
yay yay yay you updated! by the way I have a query Dom is 15 right? because if she was any younger I'd be a bit creeped out by Teddy's moves on her and all the insinuations

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Review #2, by HansWorth Glamour

30th March 2015:
I honestly can't get over how good a writer you are, would honestly recommend you start writing professionally because I genuinely think you would do well.

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Review #3, by HansWorth Glass

21st March 2015:
My god woman, your toying with my emotions! in the best way!
Seriously, this story is really good and I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter

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Review #4, by CassiePotter Him

6th March 2015:
Ok, wow. That was amazing. I love this story SO much, because Teddy and Dom are just so darn complex! Every time I think I know one if their characters, something like this chapter comes along and you throw me for a loop!
Firstly, because I need to say this and get it out of the way before I turn into a pile of feels, LOUIS IS SO CUTE. He's a little stinker throwing bugs at Victoire, and I love him for it!
Now that that's done, I have to say that I honestly don't know how to feel about your characterization of Bill! He's so, so different from JKR's, which I love, but he can be so MEAN sometimes, which I don't love. It was good that he was sort of protecting Dom's honor when he was talking to Teddy, but at the same time she really doesn't get that much attention from him at home. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL.
And then we have Dom, of course, who I adore. She's so quiet and awkward on the outside, that I don't think anyone has a clue how much she has going on in her head. I think Teddy is starting to figure that out, but I still don't think anyone knows what Dom is really feeling because she's so good at being invisible or just making people see what she wants them to see. I feel really bad for her, though, because aside from her brother, she really doesn't have anyone that she's completely comfortable around. Hopefully that changes soon, because there are so many things in her life that would be better if she just talked to someone about them!
And, last but not least, Teddy. Teddy Lupin, the boy who has me even more confused about my feelings than Bill. I'm with Dom on this one, I just don't understand why he has to be so nasty all the time! If he was actually pleasant, or at least tolerable, some of the time, people would want to be around him! TEDDY JUST BE NICE TO PEOPLE PLEASE.
The part at the very end about his father broke my heart. It made me really sad to see that Teddy had that much hate inside of him, and I really, really hope that starts to lessen as the story goes on. Hopefully having Dom around will help with that. Then, when he asked if Dom loved Bill even though he doesn't love her, my heart broke again! I think that part of Dom ignored that fact, even though she knew it was true deep down, and having Teddy put right there in the open for her to acknowledge must be so hard. My heart really went out to her there.
This chapter was super intense, but it was so fantastic! This story is really, really emotional, but I love it! 10/10
Cassie :)

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Review #5, by CassiePotter Empty

18th February 2015:
This chapter was so brilliant. I LOVE the way you write Teddy! Especially because he's so different from the way I've written him. I have him as this really nice, stand-up guy and every time I read him in this story it just reenforces how different your version is from mine. He's so incredibly complex, and I can't imagine how much stuff is going on in his head in this chapter, in particular. You can tell that selling his father's pocket watch is something he really regrets, and I am really hoping he's able to get it back. Seeing the much more human side of him in this chapter honestly made me pity him, so I think that's why I want him to succeed in getting the pocket watch back. Although, if he does get it then the bargain with Dom is off... Now I'm wondering where the story will go if that happens! You've got me so intrigued!
The end with Victoire and Dom was really interesting, too. Victoire really gets on my nerves, which I think it intentional because of how mean she can be, but I'm hoping that if she ever finds out what Dom has done for her that she'll start being nicer!
I'm really excited to keep reading this story! Your characterizations are so unique, and I love it! 10/10
Cassie :)

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Review #6, by lillypotter8264 Glass

13th February 2015:
sorry, for some reason something went wrong when I tried to review yesterday?? idk, but again I real y do like this story and am looking forward to next chapter!!x

Ellie xx(lillypotter8264)

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Review #7, by lillypotter8264 Glass

12th February 2015:
this is seriously such a good book and I don't even know what id do if you stopped writing it.
the emotions in it are really strong and you really get a connection with Dom.
I felt angry with with teddy, then sorry, then REally sorry, then the cycle continued again.
Its a simply great book and I can't wait until your next instalment, plus I think im starting to ship Dom and him, and it's kind of scaring me,
i'll wait for the next one as patiently as I can,

Lillypotter8264 xx
p.s Although I said id try to wait patiently, im not very good at that and this was so good, so please post soon x

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Review #8, by Gryffy Girl917 Glass

31st January 2015:
I absolutely love this story. Both Dominique and Teddy are such complex characters and I can't wait to read more about them. When Teddy was talking about feeling strange and never feeling this way before, it made me think that he was starting to potentially have feelings for Dominique. I think the two of them would be good together. She isn't afraid to tell him the truth and stand up to him. She also isn't afraid to be there for him when he scares others away. She seems to make him a better person, even if it's only for a few moments at a time. I loved how he grabbed her hand and then wasn't willing to let go of it. I also think that as Dominique is starting to get feelings for Teddy as she learns more about the real him. I am looking forward to the next chapter!

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Review #9, by TidalDragon Him

6th December 2014:
Hello again! It's been awhile, which I'll take to mean your life has been absurdly busy as well (though I don't think you've taken three months to update this bad boy like I did with my novel. Shameful...).

Anyway, the deeper parts of Teddy you keep on revealing continue to be interesting. I wasn't much on Dominique's daddy issues, but Teddy's breakdown was different. Very well written with a number of quotable lines, including my personal favorite for him "Isn't the truth always a little evil?" I also thought the bit about his aunts being like different mothers to him was a very clever and unique concept that seemed to fit well with what we've seen of his interactions with them so far. Now I wonder if that will be followed up.

Dominique's progression is also intriguing. While she revealed herself to be the slowest person ever at applying sunscreen to another human being (even a squirmy little brother), she also seemed quite resilient in this chapter - fighting forward to do what she felt was right despite Teddy's despicable behavior and despite her own pain about being inadequate or marginalized within her own house. And what do you know, is she starting to shed that stutter? She certainly seems to lose it a bit when she's speaking frankly to Teddy.

As dialogue-laden as this chapter was, there wasn't much opportunity for description, though where it appeared I thought you did a good job describing the skin, the heat, etc.

I also enjoyed the mermaid bits. I now hope Louis and Bill find a mermaid. And perhaps that one pokes him in the eye with one of those tridents for being such a selfish, unsupportive father. We both know you won't do that, but I can hope right?

Haunt my thread again soon!

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Review #10, by lillypotter8264 Him

18th November 2014:
Ok, I was gonna wait until I review again like last time , but this story is too good I couldn't help it!
I love where it seems to be heading yet i have completely no idea where that is. I t was a really powerful and emotional chapter and I was begging for it not to end. I can't believe teddy would talk about his father like that yet I can't hep but secretly feel sorry for him. Also, I have never read bill Wesley like this but it's really good, this story seems to be breaking all the... Stereotypes would you say? The point is I love it and don't know how long I'll be able to wait for the next one, you have to upload the next one soon, I went mad over the holidays, literally... But this story is so good, please update soon,

I'll be waiting , ( actually that sounds really creepy)
Can't wait, ( that's a bit more normal)
Lillypotter

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Review #11, by lillypotter8264 Empty

1st November 2014:
plz plz PLZ write the next one soon, it's been ages and I don't think I could wait much longer, I really love your books x:(
I really do want to see what happens now, but no pressure, right?

Ill be waiting for ' A force of Wills' xx

Lillypotter8264 xx

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for sticking with me this long and I hope you enjoy the next chapter, it's been floating around for a little while! I hope to hear from you soon, thanks so much for stopping by!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #12, by Infinityx The Favor

16th October 2014:
Oh wow. Gab, your stories never fail to astound me. LOVE your writing style. There's a sense of urgency throughout this chapter, and every single word is powerful and conveys so much!

It's the first time I've read something in which Dom is characterized as the meeker one and Victoire as the selfish, bossy one. Usually, it's the other way around. I must say that I've taken a liking to the way you've written them.

Wow, I hate Victoire. She seems so cunning and manipulative, and ready to use her own sister for her own comfort. Plus, she's so ready to insult Dom in such a nasty manner. How could she even do that? It's disgusting. Her character is repulsive so far. And I have a feeling that those tears are as fake as they can get.

Poor, poor Dom. She's just so NICE. I mean, it's natural for her to snap at Victoire when she treats her that way, but in the end, she truly loves her sister and just wants that acceptance from Victoire. Gabbie, you're going to make me cry soon, I just know it.

Hmm, I couldn't help but notice that you added Teddy Lupin under Warnings when you posted in my thread. From what I got about his character in this chapter, he's a big bully, and Dom is terrified of him. I wonder what he did to make her hate him so much. I'm bracing myself for a rush of strong feelings as this story progresses! Once again, I absolutely love the characterizations. They're so different from anything I've read before. I mean, Teddy is always this extremely lovable character. It's a complete 180 here and I'm so thrilled to read on!

Dom's stutter is so interesting! From what's mentioned here, it seems like her stutter began after something to do with pigs. That's...weird. I wonder if Teddy had anything to do with it.

This was an amazing start. I didn't notice any grammatical errors in this, maybe because I was incredibly engrossed in the plot but I'm quite sure there aren't any. I'm definitely going to read on and you're going into my list of favourite authors. :)

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Review #13, by Midnight spark The Favor

4th October 2014:
Hey Gabbie, here for your review!

Ooh... Victoire's got herself in quite fiddle here, eh? Look how arrogant she is though. Nice change form the perfectly polite girl I've always known. You just keep on giving me more surprises!

Lol, the conversation with the shopkeeper.

Ooh... Teddy. cue tremendous blushing.

Of course Teddy would know who she was because of that stuttering!

Apart from the teeny thing that Dom really does stutter a lot in this chappy, it was overall a fun, and great one! Thanks for the read!

Sana

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for the awesome review, I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter! :D

Hahaha, Victoire is not a really pleasant character though and I could never picture her as being perfect. I've read about half a dozen stories like that though and I wanted to stray away from it as much as I could.

Hahaha, Teddy is bad for you!

Bwhahaha, Teddy is really smart but he's kind of mean too so Dom is a lot of trouble, I think!

Thanks for the review!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #14, by Moonyxluna Playmate

2nd October 2014:
Hey Gabbie! Finally here with your requested review! (I'd blame real life but it's actually not even that but other fanfiction that's keeping me away so I really have no excuse except for a muse that likes werewolves more than wizards :D)

So in your first request you asked about the first two chapters and then in the other request you asked about chapter two. I sort of had a plan to review chapter one and two all in one big one and leave it on chapter two, so I think I'm just going to stick with that plan as it seems like you've got more opinions on chapter one than two so hopefully I can be of more help! Anyway, here we go!

So I want to start out by complimenting you on your chapter lengths. I love that you really write enough that the readers are able to get into the story.

You did talk about the stuttering in your request so I'm not going to harp at you for it, but it is a little distracting that it's on every word.

Anyway, plot! So in the first part of chapter one we're introduced to Dominique and Victorie, and Victorie's little situation. At the point I'm at now, Victorie seems very cruel. I, more than anyone, get the sibling rivalry, but for the fact that Victorie is asking Dominique for help she turns around and throws in a really mean quip about her stutter or her lack of a social life. I do feel like this is just part of her personality, but it just seems really harsh for the fact that she's trying to get Dom to help her. It seems like she's a very cookie cutter 'mean girl' type, and I'm not getting much motivation for her character to be as mean as she's being, especially in a time of need for her.

Though, I think it does give Dominique's characterization a chance to shine through. All of your characters are really well thought out, and they have very realistic flaws and traits to them.

at her flawless pink nails as she spoke, "I-I'm n-nowhere n-near o-old e-enough!" -- if you edit, change the comma after spoke to end the sentence. (chapter 1!)

effective for millions of eager couples and vulnerable single mothers. -- this kind of made me cringe? Why would a package advertising a pregnancy test start of by saying "for any proud witch" and then go on to kind of insult single mothers, and praise couples? I'm sort of glad it made Dominique dislike it, also.

So we have quite a dramatic plot set up going into chapter two! Teddy finds out, and he's anything but nice to her. I'm interested to see how that's going to play into the story. He seems like he's that same bully type as he was in your one-shot I've reviewed about him, so I'm curious to see what kind of character development he's going to have as well.

Chapter two!

I really like Dominique. She's definitely one to cheer for here. I'm sitting here, thinking how much I'd love to see her stand up for herself and what-not, but that's what gives her such a realistic characterization is the fact that sometimes you just don't have the guts to stick up for herself. Though I am going to be sitting here cheering for it. ;)

I'm a growing young man, no one cares about what I do. But her? Oh, it'll be such a bloody tragedy -- such a sad, truthful hat tip to a messed up society. Go you, Gabbie.

I like that the stuttering is cleaned up here.

Take this as nothing but a compliment because that's what I'm meaning it as, but I cannot stand Teddy right now. lol. He irritates me and I'm looking forward to seeing where he's going to develop from this state of irritation that you have me in.

Okay, so at the end! This was very dramatic and very interesting! I really do like Dominique. It's sort of unfortunate on her part that she's so fiercely loyal to her sister when she gets treated so terribly, and obviously you already know my opinion on Teddy. This was very interesting! Keep up the good work here! I'm very curious about how you plan on developing this in the future. Especially once they get to Hogwarts!

Julie

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Review #15, by crestwood Empty

30th August 2014:
Hey Gabbie!

I must say, this is my favorite chapter yet. I know I said that about the last chapter. But this one is even better than that one, I'm sure of it.
You've practically deconstructed your version of Teddy Lupin. We saw so many different sides to him here and it was kind of terrifying in a way. He seems just so pathetic and sincere in this chapter, but at the same time, I feel like I have to be careful to trust a single word he says. I feel like he could lash out at any moment. You've really written instability in a way that truly dives so deeply into the roots of what makes a person the way they are that it's scary.

Teddy and Dominique have this strange sort of chemistry. He's so manipulative and untrustworthy that I don't think Dominique should like him, but if she did, I totally wouldn't blame her if that makes any sense... The vitrol between Victoire and Teddy is unsettling. I really do wonder what happened between them because it feels as though something is being left unsaid. This Knockturn alley business seems very shady and I can't wait to see what kind of trouble Dominique and Teddy get into.

You're are seriously such a good writer. I can't wait to read on when you post more!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by again with this wonderful review. I was so worried about how this new Teddy would be received but you guys have really made me feel better about it! I had a hard time writing him this way and I think that he's only going to get more complicated as we go along, I've already got some scenes with him that I'm just dying to write. I think that Teddy might honestly be either bipolar or severely depressed, the thought of him lashing out and attacking someone has crossed my mind as well. He's not the sort of character that I can really get a grip on, he simply does what he wants and its usually not pleasant. :(

Ah, the chemistry between Dom and Teddy is a bit worrying at the moment. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with them at the moment but there's something between them now. On one hand it might be a good thing but on the other it makes me want to bury myself under the covers.

Oh, the Knockturn Alley business is awfully shady and I can't wait to write it! I'm thinking of starting it in the next chapter if things go well but we'll see! Thanks so much for the supportive reviews, they've really made my day!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #16, by AdinaPuff The Favor

26th August 2014:
Hi, here for our review swap!

Poor Dominique. She seems like she's leading a rough life. I would be miserable, as well, if I were her. I don't know how she deals with it. She seems so unloved and used. No one seems grateful of her. It's sad.

Victoire is a brat. I cannot stand her! She's so stuck up and spoiled. That is her character, though, and you wrote we wonderfully. As a writer, I appreciate her. As a reader, I despise her :'D she uses Dominique a lot, it seems.

And oh dear, Teddy sure is one arrogant piece of work. Again, that's how you've written him, and he's a strong character. But I wouldn't stand him if I were Dom, which seems to be her case as well. He's nosy, as well. Very persistent. You did great writing him!

Thanks for the swap! Lovely first chapter!

-Leigh

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by with this swap, I actually need to head over to your own work and leave a review. Hahahaha. Forgive me!

Poor Dominique indeed! I'm not sure how she deals with it either but I think what's sadder is that she's so used to it. Her parents sort of push her aside and Victoire is terrible as an older sister so I think she's found a balance of not really being there and staying in her own head.

Hahahah, I don't think anyone likes Victoire and she's supposed to be that way. HAHAHAH, I hope that you'll be able to forgive me for what I've done to her character later though!

Teddy is an entire different species of awful and I'm glad that he's stood out to you! Dom can't stand him but she's not sure if she'll ever be able to escape him either and that's where the fun is!

Thanks for the swap, I'll get to you as soon as I can!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #17, by mymischiefmanaged The Favor

18th August 2014:
Hey Gabbie! Here with your requested review.

This was a really great first chapter. I love Dom, Victoire's awful but fascinating, and you've written Teddy really well. I like this shy, insecure Dominique. It's a huge contrast to the way people usually write her so I think this story's going to be really original.

The pregnancy test was a really good way to get a clear beginning/middle/end structure and it gave us a lot of insight into Dom and Toire's sibling relationship.

I think Victoire does care about her sister, although she didn't really do a good job of showing it here. I'm sure we'll get a better understanding of their dynamic in later chapters. You've set them up to be really interesting here.

I don't know whether the pregnancy's going to be a key component of the plot yet - it wouldn't surprise me if Victoire had been making a fuss over nothing and wasn't pregnant after all - so I'm looking forward to seeing where you take that storyline.

I'm really interested in finding out why Teddy's grown up to be the way he is. It doesn't seem like what you'd expect of Remus's son and Harry's godson so I'm hoping he's got some back story to explain his character. Or maybe it's just that Dominique doesn't understand him well enough to see what he's really like? Either way, he works very well as a character here but I think there definitely needs to be some explanation of who he is later on in the novel.

Dom's stutter is a really interesting approach to her character and opens up lots of opportunities for character development, but I think you perhaps didn't need to give her a stutter on every word? Maybe every other few words would have made the chapter flow a bit better.

I think this review should be longer to do your writing justice but I really can't think of any other feedback to give. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this and you've definitely caught my interest. It's longer than most opening chapters but it didn't feel too long while I was reading this so I don't think that's anything to worry about.

Really good work. Make sure to rerequest if you want!

Thanks for all your support on 'Complicated' - you've been invaluable.

Emma xx

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so sorry that its taken me so long to get to this wonderful review but RL sucks right now! Man, can't a girl just stay on the fanfic site without worrying about "school" and other such nonsense?

Anyhoo, on to this! I'm not really sure how Dom is portrayed in other stories, I haven't read too many Next Gen stories that feature her as a main character. I wanted to stray away from her being perfect and confident because I had already set up in my mind that she wasn't at all like that, her character is set up in my other stories too as being more of an introvert too.

Victoire continues to be terrible, I think that she cares about Dom in an offhand sort of way but she'll have to earn the trust she broke back and its going to come at a high cost for her. She doesn't get any better but I think she will learn to accept that she can't just manipulate people into doing what she wants. Hahahah. Oh, Teddy doesn't either but you'll just have to keep reading to see what I mean!

I shall keep my lips sealed on the pregnancy test! ;)

Teddy's gotten a lot of questions and I go into why he is the way he is in later chapters. It seems strange that he would be this way with Harry as his Godfather but I wanted to do something different for him, I never quite saw him as a nice guy for some reason. Also, in my mind he looks a lot like Tom Hiddleston and well, I have a Loki fetish so you'll have to forgive me. Hahaha.

Oh, I've edited Dom's stutter quite a bit since this but I haven't updated the chapter yet. This story is pretty popular so I don't want people getting their hopes up when its just an edited chapter and not a fresh one. When things quiet down a bit, I'll go in and clean that up. Hahahha.

I'll re-request soon, make sure you do the same!

Much love,

Gabbie



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Review #18, by TidalDragon Empty

17th August 2014:
Okey dokey. Toying with people with cliffhangers again...tsk tsk.

Anyway, the great tension of this chapter for me is more in what's unsaid than what is, which I think is an accomplishment on your part. Obviously you have the APPARENT change in Teddy and his behavior (though like Dominique is asking herself, can we even trust that?) and you have Victoire trying to give advice (seemingly earnestly). But between the lines are the questions. What really DID transpire between Teddy and Victoire? IS Teddy being truly (to quote your title) transparent with Dominique? It made it easier and more compelling to read than the last chapter.

However, I think the dialogue in this one needs touching up in spots. Particularly toward the beginning with Teddy and Dominique going back and forth (and at other points in their conversation) it was quite redundant. I definitely get Dominique pressing for answers and Teddy being oblique, but this went beyond that were at times segments of the conversation read a bit like treading water.

Since you're concerned about pace, I'll be honest and say I think it's moving pretty slow. We've just had 18,000 words on not even an entire day (I'm feeling it's maybe...2:00 PM or so?). Because the characters are so interesting I think it gives you more latitude, but a large part of the pull to press forward is coming from well-written cliffhangers at this point. Obviously you'll have to hit this whole "Night in Knockturn Alley" business next (I think - but maybe you'll prove me wrong), but after that I think you'd want to make some substantial progression in terms of time unless you're really intending this story to fit in a very small window (a few months or less) overall (which isn't the vibe I'm getting since you're asking about pace).

Keep on keeping on. Your writing skills are killer.

Author's Response: Hello!

Bwhahah, one of my other reviewers called me the "Cliffhanger Queen" and I'm sort of living up to that nickname. She also said that I was the "Queen of Angst" and that I should take responsibility for making her cry but I shall not. Tears fuel my power, as I'm sure you know. >:)

Anyhoo! I had a hard time with this chapter, I hadn't actually written a fresh chapter for this story in about two months so it didn't really grip me the way it should have with a lot of aspects. It took me at least two weeks to just get this written and then I edited the living daylights out of it once I was finished. I'm still not satisfied...

What's left unsaid is mostly what charged this chapter for me as well. What isn't being said? Can anyone actually trust Teddy and what he has to say? Dominique has been wondering what happened between Teddy and Victoire for a while now and I think that she might just get her answers. I set up an entire history between those two that I can't wait to write but for right now...why does Victoire suddenly care? I think that was a good question to ask on Dom's part.

I looked over this chapter not too long ago and I think the dialogue sort of fell flat, I wasn't sure what happened. Its my own fault for taking such a long break and tends to happen a lot when I'm not really interested in what I'm writing. So...I take full blame for that.

I sort of want to go back and edit Dom's conversation with Teddy but I need to keep pressing on. I'm not sure when I'll be able to clean it up but I'll be more aware of it in the next chapter, which I just started on. Hopefully, it won't destroy me...

T-T My stories tend to move very slowly when it comes to actual plot progression. Its the one thing people are always fussing at me about so I'm going to try and just push on forward and skip a few things that I wanted to write in the next chapter, just to move things along. I'm going to try and challenge myself to write the Night in Knockturn Alley bit (I'm stealing this as a chapter title by the way so thanks. Hahahaha.) in this upcoming chapter. I'd wanted to introduce Lucy and Percy because I think you would enjoy seeing them but for right now, I might have to actually hold off. I also need to hint at things that happened in "Glass" so that might take most of my time. T-T

As for time, this story does take place in the span of a month or two. Compared to my other stories, this is actually two years behind "Abandon" (Roxanne Weasley thingy) and about three years behind Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince (My panty loving story with Albus Potter and friends) so I have to be careful about how much I actually put into this. I can't elude to something that was never mentioned in either of those stories so its difficult. T-T

Anyhoo, thanks so much for the words of wisdom and I'll try to do better next time! I'll have to request a review from you for one of my other stories, though I'm sure you won't like some of them...Hahahahaha.

Thanks so much!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #19, by TidalDragon Liar

17th August 2014:
Yikes. Teddy selling Lupin's watch to settle his debts. It's hard to know for sure, but it certainly seems like a new low based on his reaction. It's intriguing to see him be the one in need here and though I would love for Dominique to just leave him swinging in the wind here, she obviously won't both because of the potential payoff and because of who she is.

Bill was an interesting character for me to see more of in this chapter though. Obviously we're not terribly bound by canon as regards him, but it's striking to me how cold he seems. I don't really know what he's been through post-War, but I don't know...I never expected Bill Weasley to rub me the wrong way, but here he is anyway. Fleur I can understand more, at least as you've characterized her, but Bill...man. Disappointing.

This chapter was again pretty heavy on the character development (seeming pretty Louis and Bill-centric) as opposed to moving forward really up until the end, but as usual it was well-written. You've got a real talent for making the goings on of part of a single, seemingly insignificant day somehow intriguing so kudos on keeping that up.

See you next chapter!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by my friend from Fanfic Land. Its great to see you, I was just about to log off when I noticed that I had two unanswered reviews and got all giggly and such.

Anyhoo, on to this! I think that Teddy selling his father's watch was a new low for him and even as I wrote it, I wasn't sure if I was going to keep it. I had to actually backtrack a bit to see if this was what I needed from his character at the moment and for some reason, it fit better than some of the other things that I'd tried to work in.

I'm trying to set up his feelings for his father in a way that might make sense later but its hard to get past what he did. Dominique I think really had a hard time in deciding on whether or not she should leave him hanging but like you said, it wasn't really going to work out because of who she was and the thought of being free of him forever. Or until I think of something else to torture her with.

Okay, I have never written Bill and Fleur very often in my fanfics. I think that they're mentioned at most or have a brief cameo in my other stories but this is the first time that I've ever really written them and I had some trouble. From what I was able to hint at in the earlier chapters for this story, it was obvious that neither parent had a major relationship with Dom and that was tough to work around.

I think Bill is the sort of person that likes to live for appearances mostly and is a bit disappointed in how his family turned out. I'm not sure if it can be blamed all on him but its something that I wanted to try writing and my goodness, I'm sorry that he rubbed you the wrong way. Writing disappointed dads is hard! Compared to George, I think that he might just be like a poison.

I might have to go into more detail on Bill later though. I felt like I didn't give him much character or depth in this and since this chapter mostly focused on Dom trying to get a bit of attention from her mother, I kind of left him hanging in the wind. That's my own fault. Hahahhaa.

I think I'm going to try and lighten up on the character development for the next chapter. I'm trying to get the ball rolling a bit more for chapter eight and nine so I hope you can forgive the slow pace! D':

Thanks so much for the review!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #20, by Dirigible_Plums Empty

13th August 2014:
Hi, it's me again. When I read your response to my review, I realised that I sounded quite insensitive and confusing. Trust me, that wasn't my intention. This review is more to clear stuff up.

1. I definitely don't think you're a bad writer. Sorry if you thought that. You ARE a good writer. When I said that this wasn't the "best written", I swear I didn't mean it that way. Basically, I spend a lot of time on other fanfic websites and most of the fics I read are written by people who are publishing their own novels (not that I don't think you could do that). So when I think of the best written fics out there, I usually think of them. So this is still very well written, if you get me? I enjoy reading this. Honestly, I do.

2. Generally speaking, I lean towards stories featuring the more popular Next Gen kids like Al, Rose and Scorpius so I don't read many stories featuring Teddy, Victoire and Dom as central characters. Truth be told, I agree with you with the whole picturing Dom and Vic as sisters that aren't that close thing. There's a lot that can get in the way. The only reason that I said that when I see Victoire, Teddy and Dom in the same summary, I get put off is bc I have a really strong bond with my own sisters. Seeing stuff like that isn't something that draws me in. However, the last line of your summary DID draw me in (I guess a part of me assumed that something had gone wrong with Teddy/Victoire ship and he was trying to get revenge) and I quickly realised that there was a lot more to this than I initially thought. I don't mind the fact that Vic and Dom aren't close, I just would've hated it if it was bc of a boy. Yes, it was wrong of me to assume that I knew the basic plot of the story but at least I'm reading, enjoying and tracking this now, right? ;)

3. As for the cliches, I'm glad you don't have them. It's refreshing tk see a Dom that isn't perfect or a Louis that doesn't easily sweep girls off their feet or a Teddy that is way more manipulative than I had him down for. I guess the fact that they're so original is why I like this so much. It's not an easy feat to guess what's coming in tje next chapter, we're all kept on our toes.

4. Take your time. I merely meant that I hope to read more of this in the future.

I actually am sorry if you took offence to any of this explanation or the first review. Honest to God, I do like this. It's probably my favourite portrayal of Dom tbh. I didn't mean any harm, I was just being a bit of a daft idiot when I reviewed.

Dirigible_Plums xoxo

Author's Response: Hello!

Well, I feel like I should be the one to make an apology because I was far more snippy than I had intended. You honestly didn't need to go this far to make amends when its pretty much my fault and there's really no harm done but I take full responsibility.

Anyway, I'm not the sort of writer that likes to brag about how amazing I am or anything because I usually don't think so. Hahahah. I'm glad that you like this story however and I hope to see you around again whenever I post another chapter but I have at least four other things to update at the moment and its kind of hard to balance them all right now. T-T

I hear that Al, Rose and Scorpius stories are really popular but I've never written them as teens, they're still eleven in one of my stories. I kind of don't have a real idea of how to write them for some reason as teens but anyway, I'm sure that a lot of people weren't really interested in this story when they sort of guessed that Dom and Victoire weren't close. Its not an easy thing to write or read but there's so much more going on that I might not focus on that too much but I love drama so I might just take that back. Hahahahah.

When I wrote this story, I was aware of only a few clichés, such as the girls being perfect and Teddy being this wonderful guy and that's just boring! I was never able to picture Teddy as a nice guy at all for some reason so I just had fun putting a twist on them.

Louis is twelve and kinda awkward so I don't think he'll be picking up girls anytime soon but he is adorable. Hahah. Teddy is a jerk and Victoire is...well, she's Victoire and Dom has her own flaws that I like to write.

Its perfectly all right, no need to be upset about anything! D': If you had enjoyed this story, you might want to check out the one-shot "Glass" with Teddy Lupin. Or, "Abandon" has Roxanne Weasley and an OC Malfoy that you might enjoy. Just to keep you busy until I update next.

*Bows* There's no harm done, please go back to reading and reviewing with happy thoughts!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #21, by The_Crookshanks_Saga The Favor

12th August 2014:
What? WHAT? What is this pure awesomeness?

I've never read a fanfic in which Dom pushed Toire around. Both are always such stong characters, so independent and proud-- but your characterization is kind of more interesting :)

The plot's interesting and I suck at reviewing, so let me only say that some of the lines sound a bit cliche, which always happens so don't worry too much. Just reread he chapter and you'll see what I mean.

Good chapter, good story, good job!

-Meena

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by and I totally owe you a review so be prepared for that! Hahaha.

I haven't read too many Dom/Toire stories but they're always portrayed as being really tough and cool I guess. Its fun switching that up and making them a bit more realistic, I didn't want to even make them likeable most of the time so I'm glad that you found that interesting!

I have an edited version of this chapter on my flshdrive but I seriously forget to upload it so that's my fault. Hahahah. Thanks for letting me know!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #22, by Dirigible_Plums Empty

11th August 2014:
Hi. It's kind of a coincidence that you updated bc I was actually thinking about this the other day. I don't know if I've already reviewed for this but lets act like I haven't. (By the way, my review will probably be short and horrible bc I'm on my phone. Please excuse the typos)

I'll be honest. I saw this a few times and didn't want to click on it. I don't know why but I think seeing the Weasley-Delacour sisters and Teddy Lupin in one summary just rings alarm bells in my head bc I hate boys getting inbetween sisters. When I took the time to read the summary properly, I was very interested so I read all the chapters that were uploaded (?) in one sitting. They were good. Again, I'll be honest, this isn't the best written story on the archives but you have a way of drawing people in and captivating them. Personally, I think the lack of cliches within this is what I like. Don't get me wrong, I read (and write) cliches as much as the next person, but seeing something new is so refreshing. I really like that your Dom isn't perfect and that your Teddy isn't the nicest guy to be around. It's not...superficial. Idk if that's the word that I'm looking for, but oh well.

I look forward to your next update!

Author's Response: Hello!


I certainly wasn't expecting to see a review for this chapter so soon so thanks for stopping by and everything. I'm not sure why you would have been so against reading this story but I haven't written this is as a typical love triangle or anything of the sort so I'm a bit confused on that. I had never thought of Dom or Victoire being particularly close either so I don't think even a boy could come between something that isn't there to begin with but that's just how I've written the pair of them. Uhm, thanks I guess for saying my story isn't very well written? I don't really know how to respond to that. If you had any critique to include that would have helped a lot because that honestly isn't telling me much. >.>

I'll never write a story with the same sort of cliché that I'm used to seeing so I'm glad that you were able to see that I guess?

Thanks for the review, I hope you stick around, it might be a while before the next chapter is up though since I have other stories to update.

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #23, by crestwood Liar

8th August 2014:
Wow, this chapter went above and beyond everything else before it. I really would have liked to meet Lucy, especially after reading her letter, she seems like a fun time. I love that Dominique is so obsessed with books, I honestly relate to her so much. Bill and Fleur are so different than in the books. They just have this lifelessness about them. I'd definitely be interested in finding out what has made them the way they are. Maybe later in the story we will. It's clear that there's a good reason Dominique prefers some of her Aunts and Uncles to them. Teddy finally has been humanized here toward the end. He was already so complex, so to add even more depth is unthinkable. If I was Dominique, I'd probably be so overwhelmed by everything that's happening. I knew that something had happened because of Teddy's radical change in appearance. I would like to read what George and Angie said to him and what he said back to almost bring them to tears. Also, stealing something of his dead father's is pretty low, but just about what I expect of Teddy at this point. I hope he truly is sorry and doesn't get Dominique in any trouble. You've got me on the edge of my seat. Things feel like they're about to get exciting. I love the dialogue and I adore the characters. I've added this to my reading list. Thank you so much for your request!

Author's Response: Hello!

I certainly wasn't expecting anyone to actually read this entire story and review every single chapter! That was super nice of you and I have no words! D':

I had actually planned on showing Lucy in this chapter but it was already a bit too long so I decided to hold off until chapter eight (I already put chapter seven in the queue) so you'll be meeting her soon. She's as fun as that letter hints! Hahaha.

I had originally planned for Dominique to have a different hobby but for some reason, having her being a lover of books just came more natural. She's a bit of an introvert so I think that reading is one of the ways that she expresses herself.

Bill and Fleur are a lot different than they were portrayed in the books and that was done on purpose and also because I had no idea how to write them. This is my first time writing them in any of my stories and because of the family dynamic that I'd manufactured for this story, they had to be as far from canon as possible. I think we'll get a sense of them in later characters but I don't plan on dwelling on them too much.

Its very clear that Dom prefers some of her aunts to her own parents and its also something that's very sad about the entire situation.

Teddy! I think he switched completely in this chapter but I was worried about how that would be perceived. I hadn't planned on showing this side of him so soon so I'm glad that you liked it! I think Teddy is all about how his outward appearance so you can immediately tell his mood when his hair and clothes are different.

Dominique is really overwhelmed by it all but she has much more control over herself than I would in her situation! Hahah. Teddy will talk about what happened with himself and their relatives in chapter eight since I couldn't put it in the next chapter and its not very pleasant.

Stealing from his dead father IS pretty low but as you come to get to know Teddy, you might be able to understand his actions a bit better later on.

I'm really happy that you managed to enjoy this story so much and I hope that you stick around! The next chapter should be up in another day or two but in the meantime, feel free to check out my other stories! I think that you'd like "Abandon" a lot too so it'd be nice to hear from you!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #24, by crestwood Sister

8th August 2014:
I want to see more of the relationship between Louis and Dominique. That seems to be one of her few healthy relationships that we've seen so far. I wonder what made Dominique not tell Victoire about the blackmailing. That might have at least made her feel bad about what she did. I am happy that Dominique got to properly yell at Victoire, she really deserved that in my opinion.

I liked the contrast between Angelina and George's family and Dominique's family. I love the way you write those two, I may have to go read some of your stories centered around them. You're exellent at developing all of your characters throughly. We don't just meet them, we get to understand what makes them happy - what their insecurities are - who they're afraid of; you think of everything. And this is all still just within one day.

Author's Response: HELLO!

Dominique and Louis are pretty much the only two in this story who have a loving relationship in their family. I loved writing that scene too because Louis has never been written before now and I'm glad that you enjoyed their dynamic, its more of a mother/son than a sister/brother relationship.

Dominique was so swamped with emotions that she didn't even think it would matter if she mentioned the blackmail but I feel like she would have if she had been thinking more clearly. The fight between them was one that I'd been waiting to write and I'm glad that you enjoyed that too, there's something so satisfying about writing a scene like that!

The contrast between Angelina and George's family vs. Dominique's was done on purpose just to show how different they were. You should go read the stories with George and Angelina for sure if you want to know more about their relationship! (Memories and This is Angelina are the ones that feature them as the two main characters)

I'm so glad that you're able to really get invested in my characters, you're much too nice to me! D':

Thanks for the review! :D

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #25, by crestwood Transparent

8th August 2014:
I wonder how you've fit all of what has happened within one day. This has just been such an eventful couple of hours for Dominique. She's been manipulated, blackmailed and embarrassed, and that's just Teddy. He continues to be a terrible person all around. Roxanne seemed a lot more mature and reasonable in this chapter. Probably because she wasn't so fuming mad here.

Fred scored more points in this chapter. He's kind, funny and can be emotionally vulnerable. I wonder what causes him to be friends with Teddy, they're practically opposites in a lot of ways. You really have a unique pacing going on here. Things are crawling along, time-wise, but plot-wise, there's a new development every other sentence it feels like. I'm really excited for whatever happens at this dinner they're invited to.

Author's Response: Hello again!

I had no intention of having this all happen in one day to be honest. I have no idea how it happened and its a miracle that I didn't explode from it all. Hahaha. Dominique has certainly been through some tension, hasn't she? Teddy is the sort of person that doesn't get any better the more you read him but there's just something about that bloke that makes him addictive to write. Hahah.

Roxanne is far more mature in this chapter than in the previous and I'm glad that you were able to notice! D':

Fred is Teddy's best friend but they're not really similar when it comes down to how they view the people in their lives. He's nicer and far more generous than Teddy and I'm glad that you liked him! I think Fred admires Teddy and despite how they may seem, they're very loyal to one another, they can trust each other with anything.

I'm sorry that things are going so slow but I'm trying to pick things up! Hahaha.

Thanks for sticking around!

Much love,

Gabbie


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