Reading Reviews for Transparent
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TidalDragon Sister

30th March 2014:
Hello again!

So I feel like with the end of this chapter in particular we really got back to the meat of the story. The scenes between Dominique and Louis and Dominique and Victoire were meaningful and well-done. It would be interesting to see how those relationships play out, especially Dominique and Victoire's. Will Dominique ever share the blackmail burden for example? What would happen if she does?

The first part of the chapter however, I again did not find terribly substantive. It showed more family dynamics, but aside from the banter between Angelina and George, the content largely rehashed some things that we had already learned. I also thought the amount of innuendo that Angelina and George used was over the top for any parents to use in front of their children (even to embarrass and no matter how big of jokesters either is). But that's just a personal take.

As far as the plot and writing overall, the exploration of the Next Gen family dynamics is intriguing, especially with an atypical spin on some of the characters. As far as the teenage pregnancy element, that's honestly just not my cup of tea. As I have mentioned in the chapter-by-chapter reviews, I think you do an impeccable job of character development and an equally excellent job of getting us inside the mind and emotions of Dominique as the MC. For me though the lengths you go to to achieve that and the family dynamic element make the story a bit ponderous in terms of pace. You seem like you have all the elements and writing ability for an exceptional story though and perhaps with a few content tweaks and an emphasis on being a touch more concise, you'll hit that mark as the story goes on.

Hope my reviews helped! Feel free to PM if you have any additional questions!

Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back and thanks in advance for all the reviews. They've really helped with what I wanted to do with the story after this! I actually like the first half of this chapter the most, it showed a lot family dynamic, true, but the contrast from how different Dom's household is to her cousins was the main facto here. Its hinting at things to come, I think and honestly, I love George and Angelina so I probably allowed this to drag on for far too long. Hahahah.
If you ever read any of my other stories with George and Angelina, what they have said here is nothing. Most of what they say is pretty inappropriate but I haven't even begun to write Audrey and Percy yet. You have been warned.

Oh, I LOVE taking a different spin with Next Gen characters. I tried to make them all as different as possible and I was glad that so many people were able to enjoy it. Ah, the pregnancy thing hasn't fully finished so I'm not going to say if it is or isn't true, you'd just have to keep on reading. Haaha.

Character development and pace are two things that I need to balance out more. They're both important but I don't want the story to feel swamped underneath it all so thanks for pointing it out to me. :D

Your reviews were very lovely and I hope that I see you again at some point. I'll re-request again whenever I'm free so look forward to that!

Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #2, by TidalDragon Transparent

30th March 2014:
Hello again!

For me, to a degree it feels like we've stagnated a little bit. I'm not big on worrying about word counts at all, but I think we're over 20,000 so far and we have not yet covered (aside from reflections on past events/relationships) an entire day. I think you are very effective at crafting characters that are differentiated, well-described, and solidly-developed, but I think the heavy emphasis on making sure that happens is taking a toll on the pace.

Based off the ending to this one, it seems like we're going to go deeper into Teddy's scheme next chapter though so hopefully that will serve as a point where you feel like you can kick on a bit.

Author's Response: Hello!

This chapter went a little out of bounds for me while I was typing it out. I wasn't really sure where I was going with this story by this point and it took a lot of revising and crying to get this done. There wasn't much in plot for this but it does play around with family dynamics once again and also, the conversation that Dom has with Roxanne actually plays a big part later.

"He really sees me." That line will become something Dom will not forget and plays a part in her growth as a character. She's so guarded and bitter that actually having someone fall in love with her and KNOW her is an alluring idea. People are always telling me that it takes too long to get to the point in my stories and its my own fault. I don't like rushing my stories and my pacing sometimes suffers for it but I know what I'm trying to get to in the end and it mostly shapes up all right.

This ending didn't go well at all. I hated it when I first finished it but it never turned out how I wanted it to be and Teddy's beating around the bush is getting annoying by this point. Hahahah.

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #3, by TidalDragon Blue-Haired Devil

30th March 2014:
Alrighty!

So for me, I did not get a whole lot out of this chapter substantively. It was an enjoyable read, seeing the new characters and how they interact with others like Dominique and Teddy, but it just didn't feel like it advanced things meaningfully.

I did like the characterizations of George and Fred (II), though despite her minimal appearance, not so much Roxanne. She seemed a bit over-dramatic at the end.

See you in the next chapter.

Author's Response: Hello!

Its good that I've got the time to actually leave a few responses today. I suffer from a really bad internet connection at the moment so I'm sorry if its going to take a while for me to reply back! D':

This chapter is mainly just an introduction into new characters and faces. I wanted to show a bit more of Teddy's character as well ad how irresponsible he can be, I also loved writing him with Freddie. There's a lot of differences between them that was fun to get down finally and the contrast was something that I wanted Dom to see for herself, she had already made up her mind about Teddy by this point. (Not that there's much going for him, mind you)

George is my bias and I've written him so much in the past that he's very easy to get down now. I had a bit of trouble with Fred but he turned out better than I thought he would and as for Roxanne, she's written as a bit more dramatic and childish for a reason.
At thirteen, there was a lot going on with her and her anger with the boys over her friend, Benjamin Malfoy comes into play much later in this story.
You'd probably have to check out her story, "Abandon" to really get a feel for her if you were interested.

Anyway, on to the next review!

Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #4, by TidalDragon Playmate

30th March 2014:
Hello again!

Well, Teddy seems like a real piece of work. I think you do a very good job writing his dialogue and the way you've complemented it with his preferred appearance is a nice touch too.

I'm glad that you've made it so Dominique doesn't stutter all the time, as I thought it a touch excessive in the first chapter. I hope we'll see more instances in which she can overcome it and perhaps learn what exactly happened that so traumatized her.

In terms of pace, this chapter didn't feel as sluggish to me, and even though you covered some ground that did not seem strictly necessary, I thought you did it in a way that allowed us to learn more details about Teddy and Dominique, so it proved to be useful to an extent, rather than coming off as filler.

The ending was a plus for me as well. As a reader I'm definitely left intrigued by just what Teddy has in mind at this point.

Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back. Teddy is a real interesting piece of awful, isn't he? I wanted to do something completely different with him from what I've seen in other fanfics and I'm glad that it went over well. For some reason, he always was a punk rocker type of kid and his blue hair and gold tooth are just elements that work into that whole image. He's all about image. Hahaha.

I had gotten so much critique in the first chapter about Dom's stutter that I made sure to lighten up on it. Im still learning about what I want from her as a character, she's completely different from my other girls that I have to really think about where to go with her.
Oh, the pigs...we'll find out what happened but it won't be for a while. I'll make sure to dedicate it to you and a few others who have asked about it. Hahah. I'm terrible, so don't be shocked by that chapter whenever I get it up there.

I hadn't established much about Teddy previously and this chapter is just an insight into his character and an introduction to others who will appear later. You should have been paying more attention to Logan Rookwood, girlie! Hahaha.

Teddy's mind is a nasty place, he hasn't even begun to really bother Dom. I like my men angsty and awful, apparently...what does this say about me? Hahaha.

Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #5, by TidalDragon The Favor

30th March 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by in response to your review request.

So to jump right in, you spent an immense amount of time developing the relationship between Victoire and Dominique as part of the favor request. I definitely appreciated that, and the insight we got into Dominique's thoughts and the reasons behind her dialogue. At the same time, I thought the spat that preceded the favor request went on a bit long for me. By the time it finally came, you had already firmly established a negative sibling relationship as well as what seem to be the core tenets of Victoire's personality and self-absorption. Carrying it on as long as it did also undermined the credibility of Dominique's ultimate acceptance of the request because it seemed like she rolled over very suddenly.

I liked the time you took with the Polyjuice scene and the care you took to even describe the details of the apothecary shop and most notably, the pregnancy potion kit. The instructions were a nice touch.

As far as characterizations go, I think you're taking a bold path with both Victoire and Teddy making them not very likable, but it's a change of pace from the standard and I'm interested to see how it develops.

I don't want to comment on the plot yet as I don't think I really have enough information to speak intelligently about it, but we will get to that later.

See you next chapter!

Author's Response: Hello!

Its great to see you reading this story and a pleasure to meet you. My name's Gabbie or Queen of the Underworld, I hope to see you on the forums and all that junk.

On to this! I wrote this entire chapter on a whim and I've gone back and edited this a lot since then so all my mistakes are highly evident. Hahaha. With Dom, she's such a different sort of girl from the others that I'm currently writing and I was really trying my best to get her to seem relatable and fully fleshed out. It was difficult but Victoire really helped fuel what could have been a flat character, I'm not really satisfied with her in this first chapter though. Their spat did go on for a bit too long but by this point I was just trying to get as much of Victoire in this chapter as I could, I knew that we wouldn't be seeing her for a while after this.
This also showed a bit more about what their relationship was like. Dom might not like her sister but there's this small part of her that wants her acceptance, which is why she eventually bowled over, once again to do her bidding. It might not have come off as well as I'd hoped however so I might go back and try to clean it up a bit.
I had always wanted to write a Polyjuice scene and I'm glad that you liked it! It was really fun. I'm a sucker for detail and an apothecary has so many interesting things in it that I couldn't resist! Bwhaha, the instructions on that potion kit were kind of terrible but were hilarious to write.

Its obvious that the person who created it has a very low opinion of children. Hahahaha.

Anyhoo, my Teddy and Victoire will never get to the point of being truly likeable. What's the fun in writing a character that doesn't have any flaws? They only get worse.

Thanks for stopping by, I'll try to get to all of your reviews today!

Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #6, by CassiePotter Sister

15th March 2014:
Hi Gabbie!
Wow this chapter was long! I'm actually kind of tired after reading all the emotions you packed into this chapter! Although, I expect Dom feels a lot worse than I do! I loved how she got to spend some time with her cousins and aunt and uncle at the beginning of this chapter. Life with George and Angie seems like it's the polar opposit of life with Bill and Fleur. I hope we get to meet them soon, because I'm really interested in seeing how you would write them! I love that Teddy got in trouble with George and Angie and that they wrote to Harry and Ginny, too. He deserves it after everything he's done to poor Dom, and they don't even know about that! I wish Molly knew so she could smack him again! He's just so awful, I don't know how he lives with it! I'm also really scared for what he'll do next, because he definitely doesn't understand that there are line she shouldn't cross! Hopefully someone will be able to help Dom! Oh, maybe Logan Rookwood can?
And the after Dom got home I loved how she and Louis were together! The way you write him is so different from how I do, and it's really interesting to read! Your Louis seems really sweet and I really like him already! And then there's Victoire... That argument between Dom and Toire was crazy! I felt so bad for Dom when she found of that Victoire had just gone to a party, and that she's being blackmailed because of what her sister made her do. I really hope Victoire stops being so mean and can realize how lucky she is to have Dominique as a sister! I did feel bad for her during that little moment when she was talking about how much pressure people put on her, but I think she's handled it in the worst way possible, and could really get hurt because of it! But I think she's too mean toDom for me to really pity her... I guess we'll see how she continues to act in future chapters!
This chapter was an amazing, emotional roller-coaster, and I loved it! I'll let you know when I update something, and I'll keep checking back for updates from you! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Cassie, its always a pleasure seeing you back after so long. I'm sorry that its taken me so long to actually update this story, first of all but that doesn't mean I've forgotten about you! Hahaha.
Anyway, I have NO idea why this chapter was so long. It wasn't meant to be but I'll make sure to hold back on the content next time so I don't kill you all with the feels. Hahaha.
Anyhoo, I like writing about the contrasts Dom faces with her parents and her cousins. It puts her life into an interesting perspective and you know how I love writing about George and Angie. They're my bias you know. Hahaha.
I will be writing about Bill and Fleur in the next chapter, hopefully. I've never written them before but I hope it turns out all right. Oh, Teddy is about to get the beat down, especially once his Gran, Harry and Ginny get on his butt. It won't be pretty.
And isn't he just awful? I adore it. Hahaha. I think he's going to realize that Dom can't be so easily bent into what he wants pretty soon. ;)
Teddy won't stoop to Draco creepiness or evil but...he'll be bad. Really, really bad. :3
Louis was a good character to write for this time around. I'd written him before but I scrapped the idea and settled on this instead, he's such a sweetheart.
Victoire, oh, Victoire. She's terrible and I think it showed in this chapter. You can't feel much empathy for her after what she's done but at the same time, it opens up a good dynamic between her and Dom later on.
Victoire is mean to Dom because she's secretly holding back on other, nastier emotions. I'll get to that soon too!
Thanks for this review! T-T
I miss your work! I hope I'll be able to catch up soon!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #7, by Courtney Dark The Favor

27th December 2013:
Hey there! I am so sorry it took me such a long time to get to this - real life, has, once again been completely overwhelming!

So: I really enjoyed your fresh take on the next-generation characters that we've seen so far. I've never seen them portrayed like this before, and it made for an exciting and unexpected read.

I love that you have characterized Dom so differently to how she usually is. I enjoyed reading the relationship between her and her sister - it felt like a very believable, realistic family relationship, and not too lovey-dovey, which is always nice! Just a bit of constructive criticism, though, I found that Dom's stutter, while an interesting character trait (I want to know more about this pigs incident) slightly...annoying. It was a little overwhelming, with her stuttering every single word, and made her dialogue quite hard to read and I often found myself skipping over her speech. I love the fact that she stutters, but maybe have her only stutter a couple of words in a sentence, maybe more if she's angry or frustrated. That's just a suggestion, though - you certainly don't have to take me up on it/

Oh my god, I love how completely different you have made Teddy! I love him but I really dislike him at the same time! I'm looking forward to seeing how he comes into the story - in a relationship with Victoire? Or Dom? Or a different way entirely?

This was an enjoyable first chapter!

Courtney:)

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Review #8, by CassiePotter Transparent

29th November 2013:
Gabbie this chapter was AMAZING!
Teddy Lupin just makes me cringe! He's so awful, but I also really love reading his character at the same time! Haha. I would hate to be in poor Dom's position! I think she's holding up really well, considering! I would probably slap him and then run off crying or something equally as dramatic, so she definitely has guts if she can stay there with him to protect her sister! I wonder if Victoire will ever find out what Dom is willing to do for her? If she did, hopefully that would make her be a little nicer! I know she and Teddy hate each other, but they really would be quite the pair!
I absolutely adored the scene between Dom and Freddie! He seems like he would be a great cousin, and even though he's Teddy's best friend, he definitely knows when not to cross the line, and you can tell that he loves his family and wants to take care of them. He was so sweet to Dom, and I hope that means she'll have someone to check that she's ok in the future! I can tell that things will Teddy are only going to get worse for the poor girl!
And then there's Roxie. She and Dom are so different, it was really entertaining to see them together! They were actually having a nice moment when Teddy butted in! He has to stick his nose in everything, huh?
I can't wait for more of this story! Hopefully Dom will stand up to Teddy! And I want to know where her stutter comes from and if she and Logan will ever get together! (I hope so :D)
Ill let you know when I have something new in the queue! I can't wait to catch up on your lovely work! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: HellO!

Hey there, Cassie. Its always great to see you coming back to my stories, it makes me feel all fuzzy and junk! :D
Teddy Lupin is just plain awful, isn't he? But he's really fun to write for and I think that its a good challenge from some of the other things I've written. I mean, Ben is one thing but Teddy is a whole other monster and that's always great!
I think Dom wanted to slap Teddy in the face but I don't think that she would get very far because he's mean. :D
I think Dom is a braver girl than people give her credit for, I mean, I would have burst into tears as well after what Teddy did to her! Anyhoo, Victoire will find out what Dom did for her but I haven't written it yet and its not going to be pretty. I promise! HAHAHA.
I'm not sure if anything could make Victoire nicer...
Freddie is a great cousin and I think that he knows the balance between being a friend and a cousin. He's a good boy! But he can also be a bit too nice when it comes to Teddy, he loves him a lot but it sort of blinds him.
Oh, she'll have Freddie and Roxanne to check up on her. :D
I loved writing Roxie and Dom together because they are very different from one another. The contrast was interesting to write and I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Teddy was probably listening in outside the door, knowing him. He's such a prat. :D
Hopefully, I'll have more of this story up in a few weeks or so but on the bright side, Blastoria is up and there's plenty of other stuff to read. Expect Abandon in a few days too!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #9, by CassiePotter Blue-Haired Devil

14th September 2013:
Hi Gabbie!
I loved this chapter! Although, Teddy still infuriates me! Why does he have to be so mean? Poor Dom!
But I'm happy that Fred got in a few comments here and there to knock Teddy down a couple of pegs. At least for a few minutes, anyway!
I really loved getting to see George at the beginning of this chapter! It was good to see Teddy getting disciplined a little bit, and also that George cares about Dom being happy. She needs someone to look out for her since her cousins can get so mean!
I liked reading Fred and Teddy's conversation, too. Especially because Fred knows when he's crossing a line and should step in to defend Dom or tell Teddy to actually be serious about something. I think he's as much of a voice of reason as there can be between the two of them!
And Roxie was perfect at the end! She definitely has a temper, especially when it comes to Ben, and I hope she at least forgives Dom! And of course the very end with Teddy makes me really nervous... Who knows what he's planning?
I'll let you know when I have something new up to read. Holding On is next, but I haven't had any time to really work on the next chapter. Hopefully I get some time and inspiration soon! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm Really sorry that its taken me so long to get back to you on this, I'm not ignoring you, I promise!!!
I think there's a lot about Teddy that would make anyone mad so I can't blame you at all for that, his character is really irritating. I think Fred is pretty much the only thing that stops Teddy from doing really stupid things that could get him into serious trouble. He's like the thought that holds him back sometimes and you have to think about the fact that they do love each other like brothers.
I'll write any excuse to see George, I tell you! He's so much fun to write for and yes, Teddy had to be given a warning on his attitude because otherwise, he might not have from Harry or Ginny. George cares about all of his nieces and nephews but he might mention something about why he's worried about Dom later though.
Fred will defend his relatives faster than he will anything and he knows Teddy so well that it doesn't really matter that they're so close. If he has to teach him a lesson, he will and he'll be a real jerk about it if its the only way Teddy will listen.
Oh, you know how Roxie can get with Ben but she'll forgive Dom! I promise! Teddy has some nasty little plans for Dom but I haven't really worked it out yet, I'm trying to come up with something that will work. :D
Mwhahhahahaha.
I can't wait to get a chance to catch up on your work, darling!
On my end, A Force of Wills is back up so you can go and check that out anytime!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #10, by kitty Blue-Haired Devil

31st August 2013:
Great chapter, Teddy and Freddie's conversation provided a lot of interesting information...I can't wait to see how Dom reacts to Teddy's insults and to this 'test.'
On another note...I feel sorry for Benjamin Malfoy. He sounds cool and I hope there's more to his character and we see him again! As well as Logan Rookwood of course, just to see how Teddy reacts ;)

Author's Response: Hello!

Its great to see you again on here reading this story, it makes me feel really nice that you've come back to it. Teddy and Freddie are best friends so you're bound to get alot of information that might help you understadn him better, they're not the sort that keep secrets from one another. Well, not really anyway. Hahahahaha.
Dom will react the same way to Teddy's test as she would eating vomit. It won't be pleasant for her! Hahahahaha. I'm so evil.
Oh, Benjamin Malfoy...perhaps you shouldn't be feeling so sorry for him just yet. He actually shows up in my other story, "Abandon" and if you want to read up more about him, please do! You may or may not like him much though, as a warning. Hahahhha.
He might make an appearance! And as for Logan Rookwood? He'll be around!
I'm so sorry that its taken me forever to answer your lovely review! Forgive me!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #11, by CassiePotter Playmate

12th August 2013:
Oh my goodness. That was AMAZING. I was so excited for this story to come back, and this chapter was brilliant! Teddy does make my skin crawl though! He's the perfect bad boy, and the blue hair and gold teeth just complete the image! He really is nasty to Dom, and I hope that she finds a way to get back at him eventually! I also want to know what this mysterious incident with the pigs is... That's why she stutters isn't it?
Speaking of her stutter, I thought it was really interesting that Dom doesn't stutter all the time. Maybe she'll lose it if she gets back at Teddy and isn't so scared of him any more? Hmm... I guess I'll have to wait and see!
I also really liked Logan! He seems sweet, and he was nice to Dom! Maybe something will happen between them? I just hope he comes back into the story!
The ending really make me nervous, though. I can only imagine what Teddy is going to have poor Dom do for him!

"You're not as bad as I first thought and I can't wait to see that look on Victoire's face after I'm done with you..." he trailed away thoughtfully.

That gave me chills! Teddy really can be a creepy guy, and that line doesn't make me want to be anywhere near him!
This chapter was brilliant, and I can't wait for more! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Cassie its always so nice seeing you attacking all of my work. You're too nice to this old bird, I swear! Hahaha. I'm actually farther ahead in this story than you might think, the third chapter is already done and Roxanne makes an appearance as well!
Teddy Lupin makes me want to slap him on the bottom and lock my front door. He's the sort of person that you don't want to be around for more than ten minutes, trust me. Hahaha. I'm so terrible! The image of him grinning with that gold tooth really stands out to me, I keep thinking he and Ben are pirates but don't tell them that! Hahaha.
The thing with the pigs, as it will be referred to more than once, will come up again. It is why she stutters and it IS despite what Teddy says, his fault. Isn't he a jerk? Hahaha.
Dom doesn't stutter all the time, true and I think it has more to do with her emotions at the time. Mostly, when she stutters she just gets so furious over certain things or a little too excited and it gets really bad.
Oh, she'll get back at Teddy for this! I don't know if she'll lose her stutter but she'll gain something by the end of this story.
Logan will show up again, I have an idea for him and he and Dom will meet once more at Hogwarts, if things work out. :D
Teddy has some nasty plans to bother Victoire and make Dom as uncomfortable as possible because he's a prat like that. ;)
Thanks for stopping by! I'm off to TFD!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #12, by kitty Playmate

10th August 2013:
this is brilliant, really unique take on the next gen characters! I like Dominique and her imperfections, and I can't wait to see what exactly evil Teddy has in store! Also interested in seeing if the lovely Logan makes a return...

Author's Response: Hello!

Well, gosh, its nice to meet you! I'm Gabbie and its always a pleasure seeing all of these people reading my work, it makes me really happy. D':
Thanks so much for liking the unique take on the Next Gen characters! I like to do something really different with all of them and I'm glad that you're able to enjoy them. Its so hard doing something fresh because I feel like everyone has sort of been written over and over again in the same way. :p
I think Dom-Dom is the sort of character that grows on you and its because of her imperfections that I like writing her! Oh, gosh...Teddy Lupin. Hehehe. You'll just have to see what happens there, I'm not going to give it away! Hahahaha.
Oh, Logan makes a return just not in the way you think! Hehehe.
Stay tuned!
Much love and thanks,
Gabbie


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Review #13, by MadiMalfoy The Favor

3rd July 2013:
Hey again! :)

So, Dominique. Obviously, she is nowhere near canon--none of them really are. But, I will say that I kind of like her characterization; it grew on me somewhat. I think that with her stuttering, less is more. You have her stuttering nearly every word, so that makes it seem almost silly. I think if you did it every couple of words it seems more plausible. Also, when she's angry, I feel she wouldn't stutter quite so bad because she's angry and got some fuel and emotion behind her words to prevent the stutter. You've written her as very very introverted and kind of unloved by her family because Victoire is the high and mighty perfect child who is always in the spotlight, so she just feels left out of her family. I can relate to that a little bit, as I am more introverted than my two siblings (I'm a triplet). So that's something I really like about Dom's characterization :)

Dominique's relationship with Victoire is similar to the one I have with mine. She's always asking for favors from her and giving her nothing in return, usually getting her in trouble and keeping her image pristine.I find that Victoire is almost too overbearing with Dominique, and that could be toned down a bit with a small scene where she's being nice or doing something for Dominique, just to show she actually can be a good sister every once in a while.

Okay, I have GOT to say something about Teddy!! The way you've written him nearly made me laugh out loud! The fact he's all punk rocker and keeps his hair blue is just PERFECT! And that he's a womanizer, fantastic! Normally he's written as this caring, intelligent guy who's been in love with Victoire for forever. You have Victoire absolutely despising him and he totally not liking her either and it's just classic!

Overall, this was a great piece (start?) and it's definitely worth continuing! xx
~MadiMalfoy

Author's Response: Hello!

This is a nice surprise, great to see you back again with this nice review! I just started this story earlier this week I think and I'm really surprised that so many people have read it and I'm not sure why but my head swelled quite a bit. I might need a needle to get rid of the air a little...hahaha.
Anyhoo, on to this! None of the Weasley grandchildren that I write aer typical and I try to do weird things with then whenever I can so I'm glad that you spotted that right away.
Yeah, I already got some helpful tips on what to do about her stutter and I'll take those to heart the next time I write her. I hadn't really thought much about it while I was writing but looking back I know that I can tone back alot more, especially when her emotions are about to burst.
I didn't know you were a triplet! That's awesome and I'm glad that you can relate to Dom somewhat, I had some problems with her character while I was writing and worried that she wasn't very likeable because of how I had her so anti-social. :'(
I think Dom and Victoire have this reluctant love me or hate me relationship but i've already thought of some things to tone Victoire down and bring her to life a bit more, I want her to have more depth. She's not always so terribly selfish but I think with Dom at that moment she was just desperate and wasn't really thinking of how her sister would feel.
Oh, goodness, Teddy. He's not written as a punk rocker much? That's surprising. I find the fact that Tonks was so awesome and he wears his hair blue would be like a sign that he would be a little off. I didn't know much about him being this really nice guy before but his love for Victoire was something that i got rid of right away. They do not have any affection for one another and it might just get Dom into trouble if she meddles in it too much.
Mwhahahahhaah.
I don't know when I'll update this story but I'll let you know for sure! :D
Thanks for coming back!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #14, by BookDinosaur The Favor

1st July 2013:
Hello Gabbie! -BookDinosaur- here with your requested review!

So, I really enjoyed reading this. Your fresh takes on the old characters were really refreshing to read about. Vic is normally a popular and pretty Queen Bee but I haven't read about her as a cunning, snobby brat. Your take on Teddy is also different, normally he is portrayed as the perfect guy and boyfriend to Victoire. I also loved your take on Dom, form what I've read she's a mini-Victoire, but here you portrayed her as a wallflower-y bookworm who's constantly overshadowed by her older sister. I really loved reading about them and I think you managed to pull off their new characterisations really well. :)

I think the family dynamic between Vic and Dom was believable. I mean, there must be some love between them or else Dom wouldn't have gone and bought the test for Vic. It's pretty realistic as well, how Victoire depends so much on Dom to help her get out of trouble.

I liked your ending, it was a bit of a cliffy and it left me really worried for Dom and wanting to read more.

All in all, this was a great first chapter I really enjoyed reading. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there! Its great seeing you again and thanks for the awesome review, it really means alot. I wasn't too sure about this story at first but you've made me feel alot better about it again! :D
Oh, I really do LOVE messing around with familiar characters and shifting them around a bit until they're very unusual and/or different. There are alot of stories around with Victoire and while I do enjoy her being this amazing queen bee with alot of flair, making her into this horrible beast was alot more fun. I don't want to write about perfect Weasley/Potter grandchildren, I want to write about flaws and angst and all that delicious stuff that makes a story really great. At least to me. Hahaa.
I don't really read too many stories with Teddy but he's not a nice guy in this and he really hates Victoire. There's no real affection between them either, which makes future c


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Review #15, by WitnesstoitAll The Favor

30th June 2013:
Hey! Finally got around to reading this like I said I would. :) It was overall a really enjoyable chapter. Of course the lost-middle-child-Dom story line with the perfect-sister-Victoire has been done over and over again, but I've not ever seen it tweaked quite like this. I enjoyed the fact that you made Dom stutter. It's not overly often you see a fan fiction main character with such an obvious 'fault'. (Not that there's anything wrong with stuttering, but it's not a characteristic common in the cookie-cutter leading roles!) So kudos to you for taking a dive into that territory. I also strangely liked Teddy's character. Victoire was a complete nightmare. I found myself very curious to know where this story is going next!! I do hope that either Victoire or Teddy can redeem themselves or Dom can fall short of my current impression of her! I love when people aren't as simple or apparent as they first seem.

Looking forward to another chapter!

Author's Response: Hello!

*Fangirls* Hello, thanks for stopping by! I think the idea of Dom being the sort of "odd" middle sister while Victoire being the "perfect" one has been done over a million times in fanfics, I think. But I try to make all the grandchildren a bit different and I really wanted to do something a little unusual with their relationship.
For some reason I have always imagined Dom with the stutter, I can't imagine her any other way, just how I can't imagine my Audrey not having been a stripper. Its just weird like that! I had the idea for this from a mental image of her sitting by Dobby's grave and had to wrap a story around that.
I'll most likely play around with Dom's character and her stutter a bit more in future chapters because I hadn't had time in this one, it was already long enough. T-T
I like to think of Teddy as a carefree jerk and there's something rather likeable about him even if he is annoying. I hope the next chapter goes well, I'm so picky about what I write sometimes...
Anyhoo, Victoire is a nightmare, Dom says so herself but I'll go into more detail with her too later on. I'll try to bring another chapter out pretty soon then and hopefully delve deeper into these characters.
I'm not sure who's going to be the worst person by the end of this though...hehehehe.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #16, by CambAngst The Favor

29th June 2013:
Hi, Gabbie!

Interesting start you have here. The characterizations were obviously very different from most Next Gen stories. Not that Victoire isn't usually portrayed as being beautiful and talented and popular, but making her snobby, manipulative and promiscuous was a completely new twist on the character. I liked the dynamic you set up between Victoire and her two younger siblings, even though we don't see Louis in this chapter. The only thing I worried about what that the way you wrote her was a bit one-dimensional. Even when she was crying near the end of the first section, it didn't feel genuine. I would have liked a little more subtlety in her character, like showing a few chinks in the armor early on that suggest that she knows she's in a very bad spot and that she's more upset about it. The way it reads now, her response to the possibility that she might be pregnant is pretty flip. Even if Dom does help her, her life still might be about to take a very unappealing turn.

Poor Dom comes off like a complete wallflower, buried in her books and totally overshadowed by her older sister. It wasn't a major focus of the chapter, but I kind of liked the symbolism of having her sit near Dobby's grave while reading. There was another shy, put-upon soul who managed to be very brave when the situation called for it. Anyway, I think my big suggestion for her would be to try to balance her character out just a bit by pointing out at least one or two things that she's good at. Since she reads a lot and she's a Ravenclaw, I have to assume that she's at least a decent student, correct? The way you've written the chapter, it feels almost as though she's not good at anything, where I think you might have meant to imply that she's just not good at anything her parents value.

I like the idea of her stuttering and the sense of mystery that it creates. What on earth did Teddy do to the poor girl? And how were pigs involved? It really helps to make her character more sympathetic. That said, I think I would dial it back just a bit in her dialog. For most of the chapter, the stuttering f-fell i-into a-a r-rather p-predictable p-pattern. Most people who stutter don't talk like that. They don't usually have trouble with the simple words. Stuttering is typically a problem with what speech pathologists call "motor planning", which is to say that the part of the brain that forms our words is working faster than the part that translates those words into movements of the mouth, tongue, throat, etc. My suggestion would be to tweak what you have so that she has very little problem with short, simple words and maybe a lot more problems with longer, multi-syllable words.

Teddy came off as quite the villain in this. I can't offer too much in the way of suggestions on him because I'm not really sure what you have planned for him. I thought it was really interesting that Dom's stuttering seemed to ease a bit when she was yelling at him. Maybe there's something to that...

Let's see, what else? I noticed a few places where you were referring to two individuals in the same sentence and using personal pronouns (she, her, him, he, etc.) interchangeably for both of them, which was difficult to follow. Generally speaking, though, your writing was good. Just tidy those things up and the story flows really well.

Nice start!

Author's Response: Hello!

This is a nice surprise, I didn't expect a review from you and certainly not for this! I had just posted this up not too long ago and I'm surprised by how many people have read it so far. I'm always so embarrassed...hahahaha.
Anyway, on to this! With all the stories that I write with the Weasley/Potter grandchildren, none of them will fall into the typical category. I try not to because I think its boring and honestly, they're a huge family with different backgrounds.
Not all the children are the same just how I can't say I'm like any of my cousins (Thank God for that). When it comes to Victoire, I think I played on her being sort of this manipulative brat just to create a good contrast to her physical appearance. She's the sort of person that thrives on the material, the expensive and the attractiveness of everything around her. I'm not going to say that she's a bad person, but I'm not going to say she's completely sweet either.
If she came off as a bit shallow and one dimensional, it was my fault. From Dom's POV I suppose she's seeing through her sister alot more easily than most people would. I probably should have written her better but a the moment, Victoire is sort of hoping that Dom can fix her problems instead of her having to take care of it herself. There will be more moments with her later on that I hope to show more depth but for now, this first chapter isn't really on her side. Hahaha.
As for Dom herself, I think she's a hard character to write. Somehow, she came out alot more dry and sarcastic than I would have wanted (I may have been thinking of someone I knew, actually). The idea of having her sistting near Dobby's grave was something that always stuck in my mind and was actually sort of the reason I wrote this. I couldn't get the image out of my head and wondered what sort of character would prefer that sort of solitude over human interaction. Or something like that. I'm not going to say that she's bad at everything but what I think I was trying to say was that she wasn't like her sister and possibly, an embarrassment for her parents. I'll try to touch on that later but I didn't do such a good job with it in this chapter and that's my fault. D':
As for her stuttering, Teddy Lupin did do something really nasty to her to cause it and pigs were involved. With her stuttering, I'll honestly admit that i don't know too much about it myself but I know that for each person its a little different. I'll tone down on it though and tweak (I keep thinking of pinching someone's bum for some reason) where necessary.
Teddy to Dom is like...Draco to Harry. There's not any affection between them really and if he came off as quite the monster, it was done on purpose. I haven't really done much for his character right now but I'm still fleshing him out for the future.
Why she didn't stutter while yelling at him does make you wonder doesn't it? ;)
I actually went back and edited the mess out of this chapter the other night to correct those mistakes you're talking about. I sort of just stuffed this rough version in, I don't edit very well and it shows. Hahahhaa.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by and hope to see you again whenever I get this other chapter up!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #17, by CassiePotter The Favor

29th June 2013:
Hi Gabbie!
I LOVED this!!! I'm so excited that you have yet another wonderful story for me to read, and I thought this was a fantastic opening chapter! I love Dom's character, because she's so different from the way most people write her.
She and Victoire have a really interesting relationship, and I hope you'll explore it more! They definitely bicker, but I hope there's some genuine sisterly love there, even if its way deep down!
So Victoire is pregnant and Dom has to buy her the test, huh? That has to be so tough on Dom! Plus, she was kind of guilted into it. One quick question- how old is Dom at this point? If Victoire is sixteen, she's obviously younger, but we don't know how much younger. She's also really mature, so I could easily think she's older than she really is!
I loved how you described Dom's change because of the Polyjuice Potion, and how uncomfortable she is when she has her new body. It's the complete opposite if who she really is, it has to feel awkward!
And then we meet Teddy! I've never read him as this type of character. He really is wicked! Poor Dom, being bullied by him! I feel so bad, and I just want to go give her a hug! I'm a little anxious for her chat with Teddy!
Also, at the beginning when you mentioned Louis, I thought he should be off teasing Darcy, but then remembered that he's younger and doesn't start dating her until they're seventeen. Haha.
This story has such an awesome start, and I can't wait for more!!! I'll let you know when I update something, and will see you on the forums! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey there Cassie, its always a pleasure getting your lovely reviews and thanks for being the first person to attack this! :D
I think Dom is a great character to write for because there's so many angles you can explore with her character. I didn't make her perfect or gorgeous or popular and I'm glad that you were able to enjoy her regardless!
I will go into more detail with her relationship with Victoire and her family for sure. They have a very strained relationship but there's some love in there somewhere even if Dom likes to pretend otherwise. Hahahhaa.
Dom didn't want to buy the test for Victoire but she was sort of bullied into it wasn't she? I think she'll be mad about that later on!
Dom is currently fourteen so her and Roxanne are the same age. I wanted her to be a year younger so that she and Lucy could be the same age but for what I needed to do with this story I bumped up her age a year. :D
I think Dom is facing alot of personal problems when it comes to herself so that Polyjuice potion was really uncomfortable for her. And it was fun to write too! :D
Oh, Teddy. I wasn't sure if I was going to enjoy writing him but he was more fun than I expected and I'm glad that you liked him! I've read stories were he's this loveable prankster, a womanizer but a decent guy and decided that I'd just blend it all together and make this horrible creature. Heheheheh.
The chat with Teddy will not go well! >:D
Bwhahaha, Louis! I should mention something about Darcy here for you because its just too hilarious. HAHAH.
I'll be back to this eventually, not sure when exactly but will let you know!
Hope you'll be updating soon! :D
I'm trying to finish up A Force of Wills for you too so be on the look out for that!
Much love,
Gabbie


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