Reading Reviews for Traitorous Hearts
223 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TreacleTart The Eyes of the Crowd

27th October 2015:
Hey Penny!

I'm here for our review swap! I'm so excited that there's another chapter! Just when I was about to start going through Astoria withdrawals.

I was so happy to see Seamus in this chapter! He's one of my favorite characters and I absolutely adore how you've written him here. I always pictured him as a bit of a flirt too (or at least until the war), although I do have to say Dean/Seamus is my OTP, so in my mind he only ever has eyes for Dean even though he flirts with everyone else. Sorry. Overshare. Anyway, I thought Seamus brought a good bit of lightness to this story.

Lavender came across very childish and immature, but I always felt that way about her in cannon as well. She's very gossipy and annoying. I feel like she better be careful who she goes mouthing off at cause Astoria could wipe the floor with her in a heartbeat.

I like that you've continued Astoria's conflicted feelings. I think if she were straightforward and gung-ho about being a member it would lose that special quality.

I can feel the weight of the war creeping up and I'm getting really anxious to see how Astoria and Draco are going to get drawn back to each other and if Astoria will do anything amazing during the war to help the D.A.

As always, your writing is amazing. I didn't notice any typos or odd grammar in this chapter. Good job! Now, please tell me the next chapter is on its way soon!


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Review #2, by Ginny Padfoot The Eyes of the Crowd

26th October 2015:
This book is so good and I can't wait for the next chapter!

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Review #3, by Veritaserum27 A Dangerous Revelation

25th October 2015:
Hi there Penny!

I'm here for the third chapter of our review swap.

Okay - so confession time here. I'm a HUGE Ginny Weasley fan - a nut actually. I think she gets SUCH a bad rap in some stories and I'm always wary when she appears that she'll be misconstrued or portrayed as a helpless damsel - or worse - a Mary-Sue character.

You did not disappoint.

You totally got her S.P.O.T. on. She's tough and been dealt a bad hand. I mean really, ALL her family were allowed to fight but her. She must've felt so entirely helpless at Hogwarts that year - worried about Harry (and her parents and brothers), dealing with the Carrows, and Slytherins. But probably the worst was being accused of "knowing" things that she simply didn't. I imagine that she was driven half-mad with the culmination of all those pressures. I felt all of those things while reading this chapter. At the same time, you let Astoria's character develop as well. She wasn't just trying to avenge her mother's death, she was trying to do good, as Ginny pointed out - which was definitely something she didn't have to do. I don't entirely believe the reasons she gives to Ginny, I think deep down, Astoria knows the Dark Lord is going to lose - and she's not necessarily aligning herself against him, but rather following her own path during a time of grief.

I'm always impressed of how good Slytherins are at reading people's facial expressions and body language. They are constantly cataloging the minute meaning of a flick of the eye or a nervous tick. At the same time, I always chuckle at their awe and shock of how unguarded and blatantly honest the Gryffindors are. They see it as a weakness. You've done a fabulous job of getting them both just right - and the dynamic played well (personally, I think Ginny could take Astoria both in a duel AND wits, but I'm a bit biased).

Draco seems to be a bit too reserved in this chapter. If I recall, he was pretty much a complete mess during this time. Although we didn't get to see too much of him, the little we saw was the picture of a scared young man who was desperate to not get noticed by any of the higher-up Death Eaters. I imagine that his "act" is just another role he was forced to play in all of this. And I have to keep in mind that we are seeing him through Astoria's tainted eyes - she's already made her judgement of Draco.

CC: This was the only bit that stood out to me, here:

Though she suspected that the fiery redhead, whose friends followed her lead so willingly, was probably no halfwit, herself.

I don't think you need the comma after "halfwit."

My favorite thing about your writing is your simple yet evocative descriptions. Rather than quote entire sentences, I'm going to put up some of my favorite descriptions:

He eased the papers into alignment and shut the folder,

...wand-happy brunette...

She felt some of the chinks in her armour repair themselves.

It fluttered around the edges of her mouth, like the wings of a bird long kept in captivity,

Those are just some of my favorites. I feel like instead of simply reading your story, it's as if I'm allowed to be in the same room as your characters, almost like I'm under the invisibility cloak and watching the scene right in front of me. It's really quite remarkable.

Fantastic job with this story - I can see why it's garnered so much attention. I'm so glad we did the review swaps - and again, I apologize for taking so long to get to all of mine.

♥ Beth

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Review #4, by Veritaserum27 The Lady of Greengrass Hall

23rd October 2015:
Hi there Penny!

I'm here with review #2 out of 3 for our swap - and I need to start off by first apologizing for a million years because it took me so long to get to this. Hopefully, this review will make up for my lateness. :(

First off - I'm in love with your CIs. They look fabulous. I haven't added any to my stories yet, but the more I see, the more I'm interested. I also really, REALLY like they way you draw us in with your quick back story at the beginning of each chapter. I wonder if this will continue throughout the novel? I hope so. I feel like you're giving us two stories - both Lavinia's and Astoria's. Sometimes that can get confusing to go back and forth, but it really works here. Your brilliant writing allows us to delineate between past and present. Also, your character development is impeccable. It's clear that Lavinia and Astoria are two separate individuals, each with their own motivation and "lot in life." While they both show strong principles, cunningness and drive, they clearly are defined by their own personalities.

The Lavinia you've given us is nothing short of amazing. I'm blown away by how much I relate to and care about this character who's ALREADY DEAD! (haha) I feel her struggles of being highly intelligent and yet held back by her station, and the fact that she turned spy mainly to occupy her brilliant mind is entirely believable and intriguing at the same time. I LOVE a female character that is strong for herself and unapologetic at that. Lavinia didn't become a spy for "the greater good" or "true love" or any of the other cliched reasons. Simply awesome.

I'm also really, really curious about Lavinia's death. Or even if she's really dead. It would have been very convenient for her to "disappear" and carry on with her... erm... career. She could use lots of techniques to conceal herself and continue to serve - well, either side, actually. Right now I'm a bit on the fence as to her death, but I'm leaning toward the fact that she is, indeed no longer in the land of the living. THAT just leads me to a whole host of other questions. Who wanted her dead - did Voldemort himself order it? I wonder if this is what Astoria is going to set her mind to figuring out.

That's a nice segue to move onto Astoria, isn't it? :) I'm really enjoying the automatic tension you've got going between her and Draco. The best part is that it's believable. Neither one is going to give away their hand and you've done such a fabulous job of showing instead of telling that I can sympathize with both of them. The story unfolds slowly and you demand your readers to be clever enough to pick up on the clues. If this is Easter Holidays, and Lavinia died during the "Seven Harry's" misdirection, then Astoria is still grieving the loss of her mother very much. At the same time Draco is most likely at his lowest point yet. There is no end in sight and his family and home have been taken over by the Dark Lord. He is at the mercy of Voldemort's every whim, with little hope. He's probably grateful for the assignment to see Astoria and the other families - it gets him out of his own personal hell for a few hours.

CC: Again, it was tricky for me to come up with something and I actually read this chapter at least three times in full. Each time this sentence struck me as awkward:

After the Dark Lord had been forced to retreat that night, bodiless, defeated, and largely presumed dead, from Godrics Hollow, Lavinia had not given up hope.

It just seems like a lot of commas and though I would never claim to be a grammarian, I'm not sure the one after "dead" is needed. Or actually, you could just take the phrase "from Godric's Hollow" right out. Most readers would know of the time and place that you're referring to. :)

I loved this line:

Honestly, Miss Greengrass, if there is one thing I doubt, it is that you are ignorant.

You give us just the merest of hints that Draco sees more than he lets on. Astoria isn't the only one who is good at reading people and playing the game of controlled emotions and carefully chosen words. In this one sentence, I found myself rooting for the pair, because it seems that she may have just found her match - even if she doesn't quite see it yet.

And I'm off to the next chapter!

♥ Beth

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Review #5, by cherry_pop94 The Eyes of the Crowd

21st October 2015:
Hello again Penny!

Ah, this chapter was marvelous like always! I really enjoyed this look into the dynamics of their group. I think Astoria's right about the little council thing they've got set up with the houses. And though she probably wouldn't admit it, Astoria's the Slytherin representative.

I think you've written all the characters here really well - and there were so many of them! I particularly enjoyed Astoria's inner thoughts, especially when Amara showed up. It really was so emotional at that part. I would love to know more about Amara. Astoria's right about her, that's true bravery.

Seamus was a great bit of comedic relief in all this! I love him so much and I do hope there's more of him! He's a delight. I wonder, do Luna and Dean still get caught in the Malfoy cellar then? Because in canon Luna was there since Christmas and I don't think they'd be out yet...

Oh well. I love them both so much, I'm just thrilled that they're here. I can't wait to read more of this Penny! I hear you're doing NaNo! Good luck on that :)


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Review #6, by cherry_pop94 The Edge of Insanity

21st October 2015:
Penny! I'm finally back! I'm so happy to have two chapters of this to read now!

This was a great chapter. I loved the bit with Draco. Seeing her in the window, replaying her memories. I mean, the memory thing is a terrible invasion of privacy and Astoria would hate it, but I can't help but love Draco Malfoy here. I ship them so hard.

I also think you've perfectly characterized Aberforth here! He's grumpy, a little resentful, he's got a touch exterior, but underneath, he does care. And he'll always care. Astoria's speech to him though was scathing! I love when characters speak in great monologues, though they are so daunting to write.

And speaking of Astoria, she was phenomenal in this chapter. All her lines are gold. I could just picture the way she popped out of nowhere and just stole the show. There's something very dramatic about her, but also she's quite understated. I'm just talking nonsense now... Like Draco, Astoria drives me to insanity too.

Her last line was particularly marvelous. "It's really more of an army." I love that so much. I think that might be my favourite line in all of this.

I'm on to the next chapter now!


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Review #7, by MuggleMaybe The Eyes of the Crowd

18th October 2015:
Hi Penny!

This was so so good! Astoria is her superb self, as usual, and you've captured all the others just brilliantly. Especially Seamus. I was LOVING him! (Although, I don't think he's going to have much luck flirting with Astoria.)

I can understand why Astoria doesn't feel comfortable being a full-fledged member of the DA, but it makes me said for her because I think she's truly a good person, but she doesn't operate based on that goodness. She operates based on logic and mistrust, and Lavender is taking that quality and throwing it right back in her face. I think it would be quite interesting if Lavender did See something to do with Astoria, for the record. ;)

You are seriously SUCH a talented writer, Penny! :wub: Looking forward to chapter 16!
xoxo Renee

Author's Response: Hey Renee! Thank you so much for this lovely review!!! *hugs*

Haha, I love writing Seamus so much! And no, he probably won't. But somehow I think Seamus will soldier on ;) He really *does* flirt with everyone.

I think Astoria is a far better person than she thinks she is. A lot of that has to do with her being raised to think having a "hero" mindset was weak. But another part is that, in some ways, she sees herself rather clearly. She knows she can be selfish and harsh and a liar. And those things aren't good. But other people are that way, too. It's sort of an internalized prejudice. She's a Slytherin, and everyone knows what the other Houses thing of Slytherin. What they say. The prideful part of Astoria thinks that it's more practical not to be "good", but there's also a part of her that kind of thinks she couldn't be good, even if she tried.

Lavender is pretty much the polar opposite of Astoria. She's driven by emotion, whereas Astoria is primarily logical. She's being a jerk, for sure, but the D.A. has already been burned once, and like I said, anti-Slytherin prejudice is pretty strong. Still, it really sucks for Astoria, who really is trying to help.

*Reads line about Lavender Seeing something to do with Astoria* *smiles enigmatically*

Aw, thank you so much, Renee! For your review, for saying such lovely things, and for answering my question when I PMed you about the chapter length. You are an absolute gem!


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Review #8, by Veritaserum27 An Unwelcome Visitor

17th October 2015:
Hi Penny!

I'm here for the fist chapter of our review swap (finally - I'm so sorry)!

I love the little vignette at the beginning of the story. It helped to set the tone that Astoria grew up with Pureblood values running through her family to their very core. They were taught from a young age that being cunning and ambitious were a part of life.

The time period that you chose to start the story is awesome. Most Astoria/Draco stories are set after the war is over - and many of them take place several years later. This is fascinating, because I feel like I'm right in the thick of it and I know the Final Battle is about to take place in a few weeks time and you've done a good job of keeping that underlying tension of the imminent clash between Harry and Voldemort running through this chapter. Well done!

Astoria is the perfect Pureblood daughter - not revealing a hint of any underlying emotion, and always on the lookout for what Draco's true intentions may be. However, I enjoyed that the Point of View was hers, and that was rather necessary for two reasons: First off, we don't know anything about Astoria's character from the books, so you have to spend some time developing it for your readers, and secondly, because the Slytherins are so DARN SNEAKY, it would be impossible for the reader to discern all the hidden meanings of the word choices as well as the plotting going on by both Draco and Astoria.

It's no surprise to me that Draco looks so ill at this point. He's been under duress with the "houseguests" at Malfoy Manor. Hopefully, these two can will actually talk to each other at some point and realize that they BOTH have allegiances in the same place - with their immediate families only. I'm really looking forward to seeing how this couple finds solace in each other.

Austerity in ones tea additives had never struck her as admirable, but then, a Death Eater like Malfoy would prefer something bitter, wouldnt he?

Ah... it seems we've a long way to go before these two consider each other as anything more than fellow Slytherins, huh?

This first chapter had everything it needed. It introduced the characters, set the time period, and gave us some conflict. Also, there's a bit of a mystery looming about with what exactly happened to Lavinia. Also, I think it's a good length. Many readers get intimidated by long chapters and I think it's wise to have a few introductory chapters that are shorter to draw them in. :)

CC: I really like how you set up your reviews and I thought I'd copy your style of leaving CC at the end. There really isn't much to put in this chapter because it was great! There were only two spots that stood out to me, but I'm going to give the caveat that I know these are super nit-picky.

She had thought to let him begin the conversation, but he wasnt, and she felt that if she allowed the oppressive silence to continue she would blurt out something she oughtnt to.

I don't think you need the word "to" on the end of that sentence. It's a preposition (I know, I do it all the time), but the sentence sounds just fine without it.

The other cc I have is to perhaps add a little of Astoria's feelings toward her mother in the first section. She comes across as an inquisitive child, but I think that if you added a sentence or worked it into part of a sentence about how Astoria wanted to please her Mummy or that she looked up to her, it might pack more of an emotional punch when we learn later on that her mum died in some way that had to do with aligning themselves with Voldemort. It would also let the reader be more understanding as to why Astoria is wary of Draco. Again, it's not a big thing at all, and the story reads just fine the way it is, I just thought of it as I was doing my second read-through.

Anyway, thanks so much for the swap! I'm off to the next chapter!

♥ Beth

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Review #9, by Rumpelstiltskin The Lady of Greengrass Hall

13th October 2015:

Fancy chapter image you have, there :).

Wow, first of all I *loved* the backstory for Lavinia Greengrass! I love how she used her position and her abilities to become a spy for Voldemort, and earn a rank amongst the Death Eaters. This line, "Secrets were spilled before women like seed before birds" was lovely as well, and emphasized how easy it was for her to obtain information by way of mere gossip! Her loyalty is noteworthy, and I can definitely see why Astoria feels bilked.

Of course, she's terribly angry -- her mother's dead, someone who had confided in her for years. I feel for her, I really do. I can only imagine that the form of compensation she's looking for from Draco is assistance in her plot against the Death Eaters.

This is very exciting!


Author's Response: Hey Rumpel! Congratulations on your 600 reviews! That is so awesome!

Isn't the chapter image *gorgeous*?! katharos @ TDA is brilliant. I was so excited when I saw it. Frankly, I'm still fangirling. That *smoke*! :D

Yay! Lavinia is a really interesting character to write, and I'm so excited that you liked her backstory. She's very complex, and she casts a long shadow over the story, even though she's dead the entire time. OOoh! I love knowing what quotes people enjoy. It's fun to see what people pick out. Thank you!

I think Astoria's anger is very understandable. Most people would have an angry phase after a parent's death--it's part of the mourning process. But not only did her mother die, and not only was the news broken to her family in a very coldhearted manner, but then she figures out that her mother was probably *murdered*?! And that it was an inside job? Yeah. Astoria has a lot to be angry about. I'm glad to hear that you could understand her anger and feel for her loss.

At this point, Astoria isn't really looking for help. She's looking to survive, and she sees Draco as a threat. Which, to be fair, he is. However, what actually unfolds...

Well, I really couldn't say ;)

Thank you SO MUCH for stopping by, and for this lovely review. And congratulations again on hitting such a big reviewing milestone! That's so fantastic!


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Review #10, by greenbirds The Writing On the Wall

5th October 2015:
I DO NOT bat my eyelashes.

I was talking about Potter.

i literally laughed out loud at that! there are many witty, humorous writers at hpff, but you've managed to encompass such a rowling-esque type of humour- british (fitting for the characters), quite dry, and you know, i can imagine ginny having that conversation. which is such a testament to your talent as a writer- same goes for draco, especially his "brawn over brains" line. absolutely amazing- i ADORE traitorous hearts! it's amazing, it's brilliant, it's perfect. i'm so glad i decided to give it a read- usually i stay within the realm of next/gen rom-coms (which clearly this isn't) but there's such an essence of jk rowling's tone within your writing, i'm in love.

and astoria! what a GREAT character! i WISH i could write a character like how you've portrayed her! i love love LOVE how you've set up the dynamics between her and draco- the two teenagers caught up in this very adult war, it's spellbinding. i just couldn't be happier i have a few more chapters to read.

also- love astoria's scenes with ginny. there's a real sense of girl power (although the term 'girl power' seems perhaps a bit too adolescent, almost spice girls-esque for these two) between these contrasting, but ultimately very similar characters. and i love how you've portrayed ginny- again, so faithful to her portrayal in the books, especially how you've written her persepective on /that/ chamber of secrets scene. scenes? i'm exhausted, sorry. just brilliant.

Author's Response: Hi!

So, your review absolutely made my day. I'm sorry that it took me so long to respond to it--things have been a bit crazy around her of late, but thank you SO much!

I'm glad that you like the humor, and I'm SO excited that you think it fits in with JK's style. That's just such an incredible compliment and I'm so honored. With Astoria, I knew the humor couldn't exactly be slapstick--it just wouldn't fit her character or her circumstances. But I didn't just want it to be grim and gloomy without some jokes, even if they were drier than the Sahara desert.

Heehee, and that's one of my favorite lines :D

Honestly, I'm just so overwhelmed. Like, I don't even know HOW to give this a proper response other than to say "Thank you, thank you, thank you so much!" over and over again. But I shall make an attempt!

Ack! i'm so happy that you love my baby. She's so fun to write, though definitely a challenge. I originally had her as a total anti-heroine, but as time went on I realized how much better a person she is than she *thinks* she is. Astoria has been told all her life that she fills a certain stereotype--she's a Slytherin: ruthless, cunning, intent on saving her own neck. She's been told that she can't be a hero, and has been taught to look at "heroic" people with disdain, as idealists and hopeless romantics. But obviously a lot has happened to make her question her upbringing. She's still got a long way to go, but so far it's been a really fun journey for me, and I'm glad to see that you've enjoyed it as well!

Writing her and Draco has been fun, too, because it's definitely been a bit of a slow burn romance. They're separated by necessity and by distrust, but they are also pulled together by those things. I love getting to explore how these two kids, who have been forced to grow up very suddenly, face war in different ways.

Astoria's scenes with Ginny are some of my favorites. I knew as soon as I first wrote them into a room together that, oh, this was going to be fun. They kind of surprised me with how well they played off of each other, and it's made a huge difference in the trajectory of the story. And haha, I think girl power, works, though I see your point about the Spice Girls ;)

Ginny is another delight to write. I loved her character, but the movies never did do her justice, and even in the books we only ever got glimpses of her. So taking her character and getting to kind of flesh it out has been an absolute delight! This chapter was so important to me--it's one of my absolute favorites--because so much happens in it. I wanted to explore exactly what heading Dumbledore's Army meant to Ginny, why she was willing to put herself in so much danger, and what was driving her. Because the truth is that it wasn't just "bravery". Ginny has as much a vendetta against Voldemort as anyone, save perhaps Harry. He tried to destroy her, and she came out stronger. Getting to really show that was so important to me. And then, of course, Ginny's strength gives Astoria a reason to question what she's always thought about what it means to be "good". Ginny isn't weak. She has a reason--not so different than Astoria's own reason, when Astoria first thrown into all this--to be fighting the Death Eaters. Astoria has always thought that Slytherins were kind of on their own, the only sensible people, but she can respect Ginny. And really, that kind of changes everything.

I'm just still absolutely giddy to hear that you liked the story so much. There's a new chapter in the queue, so that should be up soon if you're interested. Thank you so much for writing this lovely review. I can't even tell you how encouraging it is. You've made me smile so much.


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Review #11, by rover_bond007 The Edge of Insanity

30th September 2015:
This has been on my to-read list for ages, but I only just got round to it. Now can't believe it took me so long - this is one of the best things I've read on here for ages! Can't wait to see how the story continues :D

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so very much! That really means a lot to me. Thanks for reading this story. I'm so glad to hear that you're enjoying it and looking forward to more. The next chapter is with my beta now and should hopefully be in the queue soon! Thanks again for taking the time to write a review. It's really encouraging and I truly appreciate it! :D


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Review #12, by Felpata Lupin The Malediction Perfidious

26th September 2015:
Hello, Penny!

So, I decided to read another chapter now, because this story is too intriguing to let go! And wow! What a chapter!!!

I loved the bit of Draco's perspective at the beginning, really helped to empathize with his exaustion and resignation. I loved his receptiveness and how Astoria's impassibility puzzled him. And I loved his bitterness and all the little details like the china set. I think he and Astoria have more in common than they both realize...

Also, the Dark Mark thing... Death Eaters are coming? This can't be good... I wonder what will happen...

Oh, I can't believe her mother would do that! Or maybe I can... When you started talking about this pain, I immediatly thought back to the childhood memory at the very beginning of the story, when Astoria asks Lavinia what would happen if she revealed her secrets...

I like the concept behind the Curse, its subtlety because, in contrast to the Unbreakable Vow, it doesn't require consent, and the fact that it can be performed only on a relative. I can't imagine how horrible it must've been for Astoria to learn that her mother would do this to her!

And last but not least, Ginny! I love her portrayal of her! And it's kind of amusing to see her through Astoria's biased eyes, because while she see a reckless and silly girl, we see a smart and brave young woman who can hold her ground and knows how to obtain her goals. And I really love her strenght!

Another great chapter! Can't promise you I'll be back soon, but be sure that I'll be back! ;)

Many hugs and much love!

Author's Response: Hey!

Oh, thank you! That is so nice of you, and I'm just so glad that you wanted to read more *and* that you took the time to review!

Astoria and Draco have a ton in common. A lot of Drastoria stories that I've seen (I mean, I haven't read all that many, but from what I've gathered) have Astoria being Draco's opposite--this ray of sunshine and sweetness and hope. And I think that can definitely work, but I wanted to do the opposite of that. I wanted Astoria to be someone who could really understand Draco, who knew what the war had been like firsthand. They aren't exactly the same--at the end of the day, I'd say that Astoria is naturally more secretive than Draco. He's closed off by circumstance; she's closed off by personality. She's also braver than he is, and she inspires him to find his own bravery.

But they both love their families and put them first. They are constantly worried for their loved ones' safety. Neither of them finds it easy to put themselves in danger; their natural instinct is self-preservation. They are both very observant, and about equal in intelligence. That's my favorite thing--how they spar. Neither of them has every found anyone that kept up so well with them, and it definitely makes an impression.

You caught that, hmm? Good job! I think some people missed that bit amidst ALL the stuff that happens in this chapter, or at least they didn't comment on it. But yes, someone is coming. And no, it is NOT good ;)

"Oh, I can't believe her mother would do that! Or maybe I can..."
--the constant dilemma when it comes to Lavinia Greengrass! Astoria suffered through much the same thing. She's logical enough that she *knows* who it had to be, but her heart doesn't want to believe it, because she loved her mother fiercely. All I can tell you is that there is more to the story.

Thank you! The curse was fun to create. Which sounds terrible, but I was an academic exercise and--Guys, I'm a Slytherin! It can't be helped ;)

But it was so devastating for Astoria.

Ginny! I love Ginny! I'm so GLAD that you are loving Ginny! And I'm glad that you pointed out Astoria's bias, because she's definitely in no way a perfect narrator. She's got a definite anti-Gryffindor prejudice, and I wanted that to show. But Astoria does begin to question her beliefs. She sees that Ginny is a powerful player in this game, and she does respect her, even if it is rather reluctantly.

Thank you SO MUCH for this review! It's just lovely and I really appreciate it. Talk to ya soon!


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Review #13, by Felpata Lupin A Dangerous Revelation

22nd September 2015:
Wow! This is always more intriguing! Penny, you are seriously an amazing writer!!!

I love your take on Ginny! She is smart and strong and a leader, and I love that.

I loved the exchange between the two girls, how they evaluate each other, how wary, yet straightforward they both are.

I also agree with Ginny that there is more to Astoria's actions than simple revenge. I think she is a hero, even if she doesn't want to be recognized as such.

Another awesome chapter! I will definitely be back for more soon!!!

Thank you so much for the swap and all my love!

Author's Response: Aww! Chiara, thank you!

Ginny is so fun for me to write. As soon as I wrote those two into a room together and saw how fun their interactions were, I knew there had to be more. Astoria is capable of talking around a subject endlessly--that's her training--but there's a part of her that really craves frankness, and Ginny is such a straight shooter. It's refreshing. Plus, they are opposites, but in that Slytherin vs. Gryffindor two-sides-of-the-same-coin way. They've been able to get through most of their education thinking the worst of the others' house, but suddenly they're meeting someone that challenges their expectations. Astoria has always thought Gryffindors were fools, but Ginny is clearly quite clever. Ginny has always thought Slytherins were too cowardly to take a risk, but Astoria shows that, with the right motivation, Slytherins are capable of acts of great courage. It's one conversation, but it's a huge catalyst towards changing ideas on both sides.

Astoria has pretty complicated ideas about "heroism". She doesn't see herself as a hero because (A) she knows her motivations aren't totally pure, and she thinks that a hero's would be, and (B) she's been trained not to *want* to be a hero. All her life, she'd have been told that heroes are foolish idealists who stick their necks out and die for it. When something like that is drilled into you, it doesn't change that quickly.

But I'm glad that you realize that Astoria does have some good, even heroic, tendencies, even though she's as Slytherin as it gets :D

Thank YOU so much for the swap. It's always a pleasure, and I hope to be back to The Lark and the Nightingale soon as well!


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Review #14, by Felpata Lupin The Lady of Greengrass Hall

22nd September 2015:
Here for the second chapter of our swap (sorry for the lateness, I really couldn't get to it sooner...)

Lavinia had quite a story indeed! I found it really interesting the way she found herself involved with the Death Eaters, not because of ideology but simply to follow her own nature and talents that were supposed to be a male prerogative.

I also loved the structure of the family. It's sort of endearing the relationship between Lavinia and Felix, how they grew affectionate to each other over the years even if their marriage was only for interest.

Astoria's rage at her mother's death is very much understandable. And from what you tell us it is quite clear that the "unfortunate incident" wasnt an incident at all...

Now I wonder, what is this secret Astoria has been made aware of? And obviously, I'm also very curious about how this meeting with Draco will turn out... I've found their interactions so far absolutely fascinating!!!

Well, now I'm off to the third chapter! See you in a bit!
All my love,

Author's Response: She does, doesn't she! Lavinia is an interesting character to write, because she's so ruthless, but still kind of sympathetic. She'll do anything to achieve her ends, and she won't really let whether it's "right" or "wrong" get in the way--or, at least, she'll convince herself that the good (getting what she deserves, feeling fulfilled) outweighs the bad (erm...Voldemort).

But then, of course, it honestly is sad that she's so hemmed in, that her society kept her from putting her talents to any *good* use for no good reason other than "it simply isn't done".

Yay! I'm glad that you liked the Greengrass' backstory. I wanted it to be clear that Lavinia did feel love, even if she made some bad decisions, and she loved Felix very much. It's just that she needed someone who could appreciate what she did, and Felix couldn't be that person. He'd always love her, but she couldn't earn his esteem--he gave it freely. And she wanted so badly to earn something of her own.

What is the secret? Muahaha. This whole story is just secrets on secrets on secrets.

I'm glad that you find their interactions intriguing. It's working! I get to laugh evilly again. MUAHAHAHA!

Thanks again!


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Review #15, by Felpata Lupin An Unwelcome Visitor

22nd September 2015:
Oh, my, Penny!
I can see why this was nominated for the Dobbys! And it is only the first chapter!!!

I love your writing, your word choosing and sentence structures, your description! Just brilliant!!!

And wow! The way you write Astoria is just brilliant too! I loved how she and Draco interact, so... Pureblood-y. I loved how her every move is thought out, planned, how she keeps the appearences, starting from her dress choice to the way she treats her house elf.

It's interesting to see Draco through her eyes. The poor boy, I can't help but feel sorry for him...

Astoria's mother must've been an interesting woman too! Oh, that little glimpse of Astoria's childhood at the beginning was just adorable... I'm very intrigued. What happened exactly? What is this "unfortunate incident"? WWhat's going to happen between Draco and Astoria now?

I think I'll cut here with this review, so I can read on... :)

Brilliant opening, anyway! So intriguing and so wonderfully written!

Much love,

Author's Response: Chiara! Sorry I'm so late in responding to these. You're always so on the ball when it comes to review responses. I have to work on catching up to you!

Oh, thank you! That is so sweet! Thank you so MUCH!

Heehee, I loved getting to write in a way that was very old-fashioned. My headcanon is that Pureblood society would be very formal and stuck-in-the-past, the logic being that wizards prize older things: quills, carriages, torches and lanterns, etc. So the people who consider themselves, for lack of a better term, the "wizardy-est" would probably cling to older things for much longer. Therefore, I thought I'd give them speech patterns more appropriate to the 1890's than the 1990's.

Aw, Draco. I'm glad that you feel sorry for him. It's always interesting to see what people initially say about Draco, because people come into the story with such firm ideas about him--whether they like him or hate him. I feel sorry for him, too. I didn't want to erase the fact that he's been involved in some terrible things, but I did want to show that it wears on him, that he's utterly miserable as a Death Eater.

The unfortunate incident--dun dun DUN!

What will happen indeed?

Thank you so much, chicadee!


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Review #16, by MadiMalfoy In Dark Spaces

22nd September 2015:

Anyway, can I just say how absolutely stunning and breath-taking your writing was in these last two chapters?? Your descriptions of scenes and emotions were so unbelievable that I legitimately visualized everything in my head as I read on. I don't usually do that when I read fan fiction. But this, this has got me HOOKED and really into it! I actually like that you didn't split the chapter--I think it would have been far too short in relation to all of your other chapters, and there's beautiful character development in the latter half of this chapter that really fits here to juxtapose the opening scene in the broom cupboard.

In chapter nine I quite enjoyed the scene with Draco in the Forbidden Forest--it was just enough of a glimpse to see how things are going for him/what he's doing and also how he feels about the situation (read: LIE) he created with the Greengrasses and Astoria specifically and how he has to determine the best way to handle it once the real battle comes to Hogwarts. You've got his character down pat, and last chapter really exemplifies that. Loving it!! Astoria's characterization is just so complex yet simple at the same time, I can't get enough of it! She's like an mystery that looks solvable and easily manipulated when in reality she's this entirely unknown enigma that Draco wouldn't even begin to know how to piece together. You've done a seriously great job with your characterizations in general too--Amycus Carrow instills fear like no other in me, and I feel Neville's hopelessness like a dagger in my heart, and Astoria's confusion and frustration so much.

As far as the flow goes, like I said above I think you should keep the chapter length as is. Your transition from the end of chapter nine to the beginning of this chapter is smooth and is very logical. The different snapshots of Hogwarts life from Astoria's POV was done fantastically because the situations are all so different yet similar at the same time because of her conflicting feelings. They really paint a picture of how life is at Hogwarts now and the internal battle being waged within the castle by the DA and the Carrows, mirroring Astoria's internal battle as well.

The balance between Draco/Astoria's POV seems pretty good to me--as Astoria is your main character, she should have more anyway, but you strike a good balance to give insight to things happening she isn't around to see/be apart of. Draco is definitely intrigued by her and how she managed to make him lie to the Dark Lord for her and her family, and I think that will play a major role in how things play out once everything comes to a head. Astoria definitely has mixed feelings about him because she doesn't truly know what made him lie to keep her and her family safe, but she also knows she's now indebted to him, which she hates. So she has to devise a way to pay back her debt and also figure out his reasons for lying for her family. It's all very complex and nothing is clear cut for these two, which not only makes things fun and interesting, but also showcases your talented writing skills!

Seriously Penny, such good chapters!!! I can't wait to read the next couple!! ♥
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello there! Finally--FINALLY--I am answering this review. I'M sorry for the delay in that, so think nothing of it. I understand. We all just get crazy busy. Me included :D

AW! Madi, thank you SO MUCH! That really means a lot to me. I put so much effort into the descriptions, especially in those chapters, that it makes me so excited to hear that it's paying off and that you could see it all. I'm a super visual person. I was in theatre for a long time, so everything in my head has to play out like a staged show or a movie--I have to be able to see it all when I write, and I want people to be able to picture it when they read my writing. I'm so incredibly happy that you did! :D

And thanks for affirming the decision to not split the chapter. That's what I thought, too, that the character development just flowed better with both scenes in the same chapter. But getting that feedback helps.

Plus, I just love when elegant, put-together Astoria, who has managed to keep her cool through so much, is stabbing her mashed potatoes like an angry child. It's one of the reasons I love this chapter.

Thank you! I'm so excited that you think I got Draco's characterization right. He's a tricky one, because I wanted to make him more sympathetic without pretending that he's been some great person. He's such a prat much of the time, but I wanted to lend him some of the complexity that I knew had to be there, and I'm really just so glad that you think it's working!

"She's like an mystery that looks solvable and easily manipulated when in reality she's this entirely unknown enigma that Draco wouldn't even begin to know how to piece together."
--I LOVE this description of Astoria! This is so great!

Ick. Amycus. He grossed me out almost as much as Fenrir Greyback. When I've freaked myself out, that's when I guess I know I've gotten it where it needs to be. *shivers*

Okay, I'm relieved to know that you felt that Astoria and Draco's POV's are balanced enough at this point. I agree with you that Astoria is the protagonist, which *is* why she has more face time, but I don't want readers to feel like Draco is getting left in the dust. Problem is, he's kind of sulky and miserable right now, and less is happening on his end, so I only want to subject them to so much of that. But I don't want him to get totally outweighed. It's a problem for the next set of chapters. Until Something Happens on Draco's end to change his trajectory, there's only so much of him that I can show, but I do want to strike some sort of balance. I'm glad to know that, for now, it's working :)

You really just summarize all this so well. You totally get how complex Astoria's feelings about Draco are, which makes me happy. The poor girl. No one ever just does nice things for her, do they? Although, as a rule, not trusting Death Eaters is probably a good way to go. [I can see Ginny here, like, GINNY: "Hey! I invited her along on an exciting mission! That was nice!" ASTORIA: "Yes. Dangerous, death defying stunts are my favourite. So nice."]

Thank you so, so much for your fantastic review! I really appreciate it! ♥


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Review #17, by manno_malfoy A Changing Tide

18th September 2015:

"It was as though she were a marionette, with all the responsibilities stringing her upright suddenly sliced through."

"Not the mundane sort of magic that had run in the veins of their families for centuries, but an indomitable force of will."

There were multiple beautiful passages in this chapter, but these two are my favourite. There was an overpowering sense of vulnerability in the second half of the chapter that, I suppose, gave you more of a chance to craft sentences that really do appeal to emotions. All the pretences were off, and they both were finally saying what they mean. For a brief while, they were just two young people in a room, caught in a dilemma too huge and complex for their age.

The way you made Draco waver so gradually until that moment in the end when he let her go was fantastic. It started out with Draco admiring her wits (all the way in the beginning of the story), to his stopping her from saying Voldemort's name (in a most admirable manner too, I must say. My Drastoria-loving heart quivered in admiration!), then it went onto an honest conversation where he confessed to how little control he had over matters, to her begging him to exercise whatever little influence he had to the fullest. The sequence of events made things so realistic and it all went so smoothly.

Your description of Fenrir was so magnificent. You went beyond describing how he looked and it just brought him to life and really scared me. I don't know how Astoria kept herself together, but it made me agree with Draco. She probably could hold it together in front of Voldemort as well, that beautiful piece of work.

I really do admire how you're writing her and developing her. I love, love, love the moments where you remind us of how she's just a young girl despite of the tough act she puts. I just want to give her a hug.

Oh, and I do apologise once again for the mistake in the previous review. Lesson learned: no more reviewing without absolute silence and a cup of tea!

Lots and lots of love!


Author's Response: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

Isn't she awesome? I'm so proud of my baby!

Hey, I had said she might want to join you on beating Draco with a blunt (or sharp!) object.

Aww, favorite quotes! I love favorite quotes! Thank you.

"All the pretences were off, and they both were finally saying what they mean. For a brief while, they were just two young people in a room, caught in a dilemma too huge and complex for their age. "
--I feel like that's such an excellent description of what this chapter is like and of what I wanted it to be.

Having Draco waver was definitely like chipping away at an iceberg with a screwdriver. You see now why it had to be six chapters in the parlour! I mean, apart from all the background info that we needed, I just knew that Draco needed time to thaw a bit, to develop an admiration for (and, perhaps, an interest in...?) Astoria. And, of course, he sees plenty to admire in her: she's clever and quick, and surprisingly brave. And family is everything to her, which he can relate to. After all, Draco is *in* this terrible situation because of his family.

That bit where he wouldn't let her say the name is something I'm really fond of, too. Yay for quivering, Drastoria-loving hearts!

The honesty at the end of that conversation is cool, too, because up till now we've so rarely seen Astoria be honest. Even when she's been vulnerable, like with Madame Pomfrey, she dries her tears, puts up a front, shakes it off. This is maybe the first time we've seen Astoria with all her walls down. It's a rare view of her.

Aw, thank you! Honestly, I can never read that passage about Fenrir without cringing. He freaks me out. And you're absolutely right – Astoria frequently underestimates her bravery (and, to be fair, she does have a very well-developed sense of self-preservation). But when it comes down to it, she can hold her own. Draco sees that bravery in her, and he's probably right. She probably could hold it together in front of Voldemort far better than most.

And thank you, again! I love when people love Astoria. I don't know how well she'd respond to that hug, but I can tell you that *I* certainly appreciate it.

Absolutely no worries!

Lots of love back atcha! Your reviews always brighten my day :D


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Review #18, by manno_malfoy The Stolen Truth

18th September 2015:
"Perhaps they were discussing the remarkable freshness of their lawn!"

Oh my God, that made me laugh so hard! Astoria is so awesome! And it's not like she hasn't been intense all along, but she took it to a whole new level this chapter. It felt like a tennis match and the two of them were rallying against each other, IT WAS SO EXCITING! But I was also so scared for Astoria as Draco continued to dig deeper.

When Astoria's brain jumped straight to torture being the 'tough method', I couldn't help but think that it's the aftermath of the curse with her mother. I mean, if Lavinia could do something so terrible to her (even if for a good reason), then who knows how far could Draco take things to prove he's right?!

I'm very curious as to how Astoria managed to shield herself against Leglimency...? Is it another thing Lavinia has done? I got quite terrified though when Draco started trying to get into her head. I thought it's over. But phew... It's all good. For now, I guess.

But really! You're doing a marvellous job with all the suspense! And not just getting it through from one chapter to the next, but within each chapter as well! This chapter in particular is exhilarating!

AND WHAT IS THAT PREVIEW?! I'm so glad I can move straight onto the next chapter and see it!!!

Author's Response: I'm pretty positive I mentioned that I mentioned this in the PM I sent you, but I am SO EXCITED that you liked that line because it is one of my favorites. Especially with Draco following it up be throwing shade at the Weasley's lawn care. :p

I'M SO GLAD THAT IT WAS EXCITING! Tennis match and chess game were definitely what I was going for; just constant volleys back and forth, each trying to outplay the other.

I think you make a good point. I'd say that, while Astoria was guarded before, Lavinia's curse made her a whole lot more so. She certainly wouldn't expect more mercy from her enemies than from her family.

As you know now, she didn't. Astoria isn't an occlumens, much to her dismay. Strange, maybe, that a spy's protégé wouldn't learn occlumency. But then, perhaps there's more to the story...There usually is ;)

Thank you! That's a lovely thing to say and I am so glad to hear it!

MUAHAHAHA! That was a fun teaser, I'm not gonna lie ;)


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Review #19, by HeyMrsPotter The Stolen Truth

13th September 2015:

I feel as stupid as Astoria for not even considering the whole Legillimens thing! Very clever twist, of course Draco is very skilled in it! And she had played such a good role up to this point!

I'm adding this to my favourites so that I can come back to it and find out where it goes from here.

Great job!


Author's Response: :D I'm smiling so hugely! In a second, the muscles are gonna be sore, and I don't even care.

Don't feel stupid! Though I'm definitely glad that you didn't see it coming. As it happens, there's more reason behind Astoria's--and Lavinia's--oversight than even Astoria herself knows. But I can't say much more on that right now, because spoilers.

Oh! That is so lovely! Thank you so much for favoriting, and I'm so excited that you want to come back and find out what happens.

Thank you so much for all these wonderful reviews! They made me so happy! And it is so awesome, that you're doing this for all the Dobby finalists. I'm trying to get to all the stories, too. You are an inspiration! Thanks again!


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Review #20, by HeyMrsPotter The Malediction Perfidious

13th September 2015:
Me again :)

I don't think I've mentioned this yet but I really like the way you split each chapter into the interrogation with Draco and then the flashback to Astoria executing her revenge plan. I'm enjoying reading Astoria playing her role of loyal supporter of the Death Eaters and Voldemort, and that Draco is becoming quite distracted by her.

I'm not at all surprised at Ginny using her friend to see Astoria, and the way she did it was so perfectly Ginny. I'm glad she chose to believe Astoria, though I pretty much knew that she had passed the message on because of Draco's questionning.

On to the next :)


Author's Response: Thank you for telling me that. I remember I was a bit unsure about that structure when I was starting out, but I'm really happy with it, now. So much of the relevant information happened in the past, so flashbacks are really useful in showing what happened. And I felt like it served as a bit of a respite. I don't know that I could have kept things interesting, stuck in the same room for six chapters, if it weren't for those flashbacks!

He is indeed :D

Yay! I'm so glad that you felt like that suited Ginny! All her experience with Fred and George's shenanigans prepared her surprisingly well to be the leader of a group of rebels. Put that extracurricular on your resume!


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Review #21, by HeyMrsPotter A Dangerous Revelation

13th September 2015:
Back for more!

I can really see why this has been nominated for a Dobby. I love that Astoria picked Ginny to help in her little mission, she and Ginny are a pretty good match for each other and it made a really interesting scene between them. I'm dying to read on to find out what Ginny decides to do about it. Oh and the charmed galleon necklace was such a nice little touch.

Looking forward to the next!


Author's Response: That is such a lovely thing to say! Thank you!

I love the dynamic between Ginny and Astoria. Any time I get to write them into the same room, I always have a blast.

I'm glad you liked the galleon necklace!


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Review #22, by HeyMrsPotter The Lady of Greengrass Hall

13th September 2015:
Hello again!

Wow, okay so I'm more confused than ever about Lavinia's death. I really like the role that you gave her in following Voldemort, we hear so much about the ministry spies in the books but it's nice that you gave an identity to one of them. I also loved the mundane finality of the line And that was the end of Lavinia Greengrass

I love Astoria more and more with every new bit of this story. I can't wait to find out what she's done to bring down the Death Eaters!


Author's Response: I *think* that's good? What kind of confused are you? Confused, like you can't tell what happened? Or confused like, "Hmm...that is indeed mysterious!"?

Lavinia has a special place in my heart (and outline!). She may be six feet under for the entire story, but she casts a long shadow, and will continue to affect things wayyy down the line. She's very complex, and I'm always interested to see what people think of her.

Yay! I was always a bit fond of that, too, for the very reason you said. She had such a fascinating life, but for a moment it just all sounds so quick and sort of typical. Like, "Oh, well that's it."

But, of course, it isn't. There's definitely more to it than that. Would Lavinia ever die in an undramatic fashion? I think not.

I'm so glad that you're loving Astoria! And that you're excited about her plan!


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Review #23, by HeyMrsPotter An Unwelcome Visitor

13th September 2015:
Hi, Penny! I'm finally here to read and review your story for the Dobbys. Congratulations on the nomination!

I think this is a really great opening chapter. That first section got me interested straight away, what secrets are the Greengrass family keeping?!

I really like the premise of the story that you've set up here. I'm curious as to what happened to Astoria's mother but I can only assume it's something to do with the Death Eaters since Draco referred to it as the unfortunate incident.

I love the voice that you've given to Astoria here too, she's smart and knows the role that she needs to play but her assessment and bitter thoughts towards Draco give her an edge.

Great start!

Author's Response: Hey Dee! Thank you so much! :D

Sooo many secrets! (muahahaha!) Honestly though, it's not even a skeleton in the closet. The Greengrasses have an entire ossuary.

Metaphorically, I mean. I've never been in their closets. I don't think Filly would approve of literal bone storage.

I'm really glad to know that the first section drew you in, and that you're liking the premise.

It is indeed something to do with the Death Eaters (as you now know). In fact, it's all a little bit mysterious...

:D I love Astoria--she's my baby!--so I love when other people say such lovely things about her.

Thank you!


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Review #24, by StarFeather A Dangerous Revelation

12th September 2015:
Hi, Penny.

I've read from the first chapter and came here. I thought of leaving review.

The idea Astoria's mother was a spy like Snape is very interesting. And she died of the Killing Curse by one of the followers of the Dark Lord or the Dark Lord himself. It's very impressive. J.K.Rowling didn't tell about Astoria so much so authors can imagine various situation around her. And you chose the theme of revenge, it's quite uinique and when you had Draco enter, which turned to be more intriguing.

The mood of this story is wrapped by dark and tensed atmosphere which affects Astoria's personality. The way to make up the main character is super. When I started reading this after knowing at the Dobbys nomination list, I didn't hesitate to select the "Favorite" tag.

Wow, I've never imagined you would have Ginny Wealey enter. The each scene is thrilling. I'll be back again.


Author's Response:
Hey Kenny!

Thanks for reviewing!

I'm glad you found Lavinia's background interesting! I thought it would be fun to play off the whole 'spy' thing, since we know that Death Eater spies existed.

Yeah, Astoria's a fun character because, like you said, we know very little about her. It's a bit like having an OC, but with guidelines.

Poor Astoria. The dark, tense atmosphere has certainly taken a toll on her mood. That said, I don't really imagine her as having had a sunny disposition before. It's hard to envision, at present. But with all of the drama and angst she's had to deal with, on the whole I think she's bearing up pretty well.

Aww! Thank you so much for Favoriting! *hugs*

Yay! I'm glad Ginny's entrance was a bit of a surprise. I was hoping people wouldn't be expecting it, exactly, but that the reasons Astoria sought her out would make sense.

And I'm so happy that you find it thrilling! And that you plan to come back! I'll look forward to it! Visit anytime for more tea and biscuits and tension ;)

Thanks again for R&Ring!


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Review #25, by Sunflower The Edge of Insanity

11th September 2015:
Lovely story, thank you! :)

Author's Response: Thank YOU! :D


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