Reading Reviews for Haunted
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lindslo2012 Secrets

20th November 2013:
This is a very nice one-shot and I loved it! Very intense and you have good description! A very talented writer :D
-Linds

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you for your compliments about my writing, and I'm glad you liked the description. Thanks for reading/reviewing! :)

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Review #2, by BookDinosaur Secrets

19th September 2013:
Hey Kristin! I'm going on. :) The fact this was written from Peter's POV was unusual, but I think you captured him just right.

And so this was your first angsty fic - I really wouldn't have guessed. You just wrote the dark atmosphere so well. :)

I loved how you wrote Peter - I felt so sorry for him, especially towards the end when he was trying to deal with his guilt, but what he did was just unforgiveable. I don't know what I want to do with him! I loved how you had him reflect on how it had 'taken him mere minutes' to give up all the informatin, and I thought it was a really nice touch, how you had him feeling so guilty. It showed that he knew what he was doing and he hated himself for it, and I think you wrote that really powerfully.

Ah, why was Peter a Gryffindor? He should have been in Slytherin, he was so sly and manipulative. Pushing all the blame onto Remus is such a clever, cunning thing to do. Gradually just feeding the little doubts into their minds was just so manipulative. He might have seemed like a Gryffindor to everyone, but when it comes right down to it, he'll always choose himself.

One thing I loved was you including the cat in the story. It was such a lovely touch, to add in a moment with the Potters' cat. It was just so sweet, and I loved how you stuck to canon.

Also, rereading it, I just noticed you switch tenses at the beginning and end. It flowed really well as well. In fact the whole story flowed really well, so well done there!

A great story Kristin, I loved it. :D

Author's Response: Ah! Your reviews literally have me bouncing off the walls today. I need trampoline walls at this rate.

I'm so happy to hear that you think Peter was written well! He's a really difficult character to write, so it's really great to hear that you think I did him justice. And thanks about the dark atmosphere! I'm so glad that came across well!

Hmm. Personally, I think Peter might have been a Gryffindor because he valued qualities like bravery and loyalty, even if he couldn't always be brave and loyal like he wanted to (and that's where a lot of his guilt comes from in this piece - that he knows he should have acted differently).

Once I remembered the Potters had a cat, I knew I'd have to work it in there somehow. There's no way I couldn't, what with Peter being a rat and all.

Thank you so much for your reviews! ♥ ♥ ♥ *is sending you a large cake in the post*


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Review #3, by 1917farmgirl Secrets

27th August 2013:
Wow! Where to start!

First of all, I really, really like how you used the change in tense to separate the past from the present in the story. Very clever! And it flowed so nicely, I almost didn't notice that you did it until we jumped back to the present tense at the end and I went, "oooh, clever!"

I have never read a story from Peter's POV. Actually, other than the books, I've never read a story with Peter in it. I'm not a huge Marauders fan, so I just don't venture that direction very often. I have to say, after reading this story, I'm actually quite torn and conflicted.

You see, I HAVE always wondered what made Peter do what he did - what makes anyone betray those they love. Most evil people don't start out that way - so how do they change? I really think you did an excellent job of showing how Peter got in over his head, how his thinking was warped and twisted, until he felt he had no choice - and also that he was fully aware of what he did and hated himself for it.

But, I also think it was extremely insightful of you to show that some of these tendencies had always existed in Peter as well. After all, he chose a rat as his animagus. Not that rats are inherently bad, but it's a rather telling choice. And the way you show him starting small - the justification for stealing, the sneaky nature, etc. It led him to a place he couldn't get out of. I couldn't help feeling sorry for Peter throughout this, even as I couldn't condone his choices either.

Which, is the point this fic has left me thinking about the most - choices. Just like Dumbledore said in the first book - it doesn't matter what tendencies we have, good or bad, but what choices we make and how we act on them. Even cowering, left-behind Peter could have made a different choice. It would have been difficult, and probably he would have died, but he could have done it. In the end, that's what set him apart from his friends.

So, yeah...thanks for writing a story that made me think so deeply tonight. Bravo to you and your writing skills. Everything flowed so very well and your powers of conveying emotions and descriptions were so strong I just got sucked right into the story. Nothing out of place caught me and dragged me back to reality, so that's why I think I was able to ponder it so deeply.

Well done! You are a wonderful author.

Author's Response: Eeep this review just njhaih;ifuawgjf. Your compliments have basically turned me into an incoherent puddle.

I'm so glad you liked the shifting tenses. I was initially worried that might be confusing with the time period hopping around several times, so I'm really happy to see that doesn't seem to be the case! And thanks so much for the compliments on my description, that was one of the things I worked on the most so that's really lovely to hear.

You said you felt sorry for him but couldn't condone his choices - and I am thrilled to hear that as it's precisely what I was going for when I wrote it. I really don't like Peter at all, but I felt there had to be some reason for why he did what he did. He was in a terrible situation and felt helpless, but at the end of the day he did indeed have a choice, and he chose Voldemort and power instead of loyalty to his friends. (I really like that Dumbledore quote from the first book, btw - it's very true!)

Thank you for such a wonderful review, it was so lovely! ♥♥♥♥


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Review #4, by Siriusly89 Secrets

26th August 2013:
Hello! Siriusly89 here with the review swap!

Peters sense of self-preservation, grr. Now, Iím one of those Peter-hater people who just dislike him mindlessly, but youíve got to admit, itís pretty hard to like him when goes off and does that. There wasnít even an interrogation for goodness sake, he just blurted it out. Though I suppose, Iíve never been in that situation, so I wouldnít know whatís its like. But still, grr Peter, grrÖÖ

Oh no you didnít Peter. No you did NOT. Heís pushing all suspicion from him onto Remus. My Remy, one of the nicest people in the entire HP series, and he decides to go off and do that. Really? Nope, donít care, no sympathy for you now. Just despicable. Remus is grieving and heís pushing him even further away from his friends and argh. Peter, you little rat.

Agh! James, youíre killing me. He thanked him, and all the time Peterís double-crossing him and just argh. Iíve a feeling its going to get worse. Prepare for more ranting. Lots more.

Alright, youíve made me see it from Peterís point of view again. I donít necessarily like to be rational about all this, but alright, he was tortured, and I realise he was trying to be vague, but Peter, man up. Dying would be better than living with the knowledge youíre betraying your friends, wouldnít it?

Heís beginning to remind me of someone that just got caught up in the wrong crowd. He canít back out, but he doesnít want to do half of the things theyíre making him do because he doesnít realise that if he would just say no, his life might be easier. Okay, he would be killed but he would die happy, knowing his friends still have good reason to trust him an argh, Peter you stupid, stupid man!

I really enjoyed this! Thank you! Iím definitely favouriting!

Author's Response: I really enjoyed this stream-of-consciousness review :P Peter is such a complex character to write - he made terrible choices and did awful things to his friends, but (in my mind at least) he wasn't malicious, just got sort of dragged into it and then his worst decisions came back to haunt him. I guess that naturally lends itself to alternately hating him and pitying him as you read, lol.

I know, I really hated making him do that to Remus, because I love Remus too! But I thought it would explain a lot about why they stopped trusting him and why Peter was chosen as Secret-keeper.

Wow - I'm honoured by the favourite! Thank you! ♥♥


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Review #5, by Lululuna Secrets

20th August 2013:
Hi! :) It's me, finally here with the review you requested... forever ago. I'm so sorry for this long delay, all I can say is that real life snuck up on me, but I really enjoyed this story and hopefully this review makes up for the long delay, at least a little! :)

I love how you chose to write about Peter and give him a bit of a voice, and even some redemption. I think he's such an interesting character to read about and you definitely did him justice, holding on to some details that we know about him from canon: like that he's a scavenger, easily swayed and threatened, and weak. However, I quite enjoyed the guilt, remorse and self-hate you added to his character: it was very fresh, but also fit well into canon. Good and evil isn't always clear, after all, and I feel quite sorry for Peter in this story, while still wishing he hadn't betrayed his friends like he did and that he could have been strong enough to resist.

I thought the rationale for why Peter would first decide to be a spy made a lot of sense, especially with what we know about his personality. His lack of self-worth and need to be protected definitely came across and justified, in a way, his conceding to Voldemort. I found it interesting how instead of thinking that the other members of the Order would have resisted and given up everything to protect their friends, he assumed that they were as weak as he was and would cave under pressure. He had such a horrible kind of half-life after these events, yet would have probably been killed since he wasn't strong enough to fool Voldy, so it is a very complicated choice to make, and he cannot entirely be blamed.

I thought Peter's rationale about becoming the secret keeper was so interesting and dynamic as well, like how he thought that somebody would die anyway. It made me wonder why he thought it better that Lily and James die than Sirius- though I guess the former makes Peter look better to Voldy- and if by this point Peter's soul is decayed enough that he doesn't care about being responsible for choosing who lives or dies. The idea of thinking that it was Sirius' fault and comforting himself in this way fit quite nicely as well.

The one thing which stood out to me as a little confusing is how Peter first got initiated into the DE, since I can't imagine James and Lily and his other friends letting him starve. But then again, it does demonstrate the desperation of the times that even a member of the Order of the Phoenix would be short on basic needs. :)

You had a few really powerful lines in this piece: for example, the last line really summed up Peter's personality so nicely and made me feel quite sad for him, especially knowing they won't get away and he'll be haunted by this guilt for the rest of his quite miserable life. The line about "masquerading as the person he used to be" was very strong as well, and showed that Peter still recognizes and mourns his own corruption.

I also like the symbolism of the title, "Haunted." It made me think how not only will Peter be haunted by his decision to betray his friends, but that he is also haunted by his formal self and even by Voldemort, or the person Voldy moulds him into. Peter's is a very tragic story in it's individual way, and I'm very impressed at how well you pulled it together and gave him voice. Great work! :)

Author's Response: No worries about taking a long time! I understand people have real lives outside of the internet :D

I'm really glad you thought the story fit into canon. And that you felt sorry for Peter, actually - that was sort of my goal! Especially considering how dislikeable he is, and the fact that what he did really can't be justified - I wanted to show how different things were from his perspective.

You're right about why he let Lily and James die. He still wanted the power Voldemort would give him if he gave away their location, even though he hates himself for it.

As for him getting fired - I figured Peter just wouldn't tell his friends that he'd lost his job/didn't have any money. He didn't want to appear weak to his friends and wanted to seem like he was still holding it together. Maybe I should go back and add that in though, to avoid confusion! Thanks for pointing it out.

Thank you for your insightful and kind review, I really appreciate it. You are a wonderful reviewer! :)


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Review #6, by Mnemosyne_Morrigan Secrets

13th August 2013:
I'm here with your requested review.

I'm starting to realise there are more Peter's stories than I though. It's good that each of them is different. Yours also has a specific plot line and flow of emotions. But, unfortunately, the lack of stronger emotions. You managed to keep the atmosphere dark, but you had little trouble with heavy emotional level. At least I felt like it's too calm and too light, I would expect more bitterness, more anger and fear. The background was well described, it had this sense of death and darkness, but the thrill wasn't that powerful.

The pace of action was good, not too languid and not tattered. You're not forcing or rushing anything. Some of scenes are really good, dynamic and detailed, seem almost like a movie scenes. Shop scene and morning at the Potter's are my favourite.

You did a good job portraying Peter, but I must admit that Voldemort is almost perfectly sculpted. Not overdrawn and not plain. The perfect balance of evil and charm, with a pinch of sour pity.

Great taste of little details! Like cats making him feel uneasy - a parallel for future problems with Crookshanks. Also I do like the ascpect of mentioning Peter's loss of job. It was always like a hole in the plot - where they were working?! They didn't get paid by The Order of Phoenix, and we know Lily and James had lot's of galleons (not all of them inherited from James' parents). So what were they doing? ;)

Overall, really good story

- Mnemosyne

Author's Response: Thanks for your review!

I'm sorry it wasn't a very powerful story.. I was trying to write Peter as sort of a combination between numb and afraid, and it looks like it didn't work as well as I hoped! :/ When I go back to edit this I'll see what I can do.

I'm so glad you liked the characterisation of Voldemort though! And it means a lot to me that you thought the detail was good. I really enjoy details and so I'm glad I didn't go overboard on them or anything ;)

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #7, by Remus Secrets

9th August 2013:
Heya! Perelandra here from the forums! So sorry that I took forever, but life, you know. However, I'm here to read and review your story!

You know, I've never read any stories that 1) have to do with Peter as a main due to prejudiced I have towards him and 2) ones that deal with his betrayal. So I'm excited to read this!

which made it easy for Peter to feed little white lies to James and Sirius to sow suspicion and misdirect them. Remus was the perfect scapegoat; after all, he was no stranger to secrets, having a tremendous secret of his own, and Peter used that to his advantage.--those lines right there are fantastic. I tend to forget that Peter was smart in his own right. I mean, he was able to tag along with Sirius and James and fool them. The idea of Peter arousing the suspicions of James and Sirius towards Remus is not only fantastic but wish I had used myself! Hahaha! For me, its a very believable scenario in order for Peter to get away.

I absolutely love the exchange between Voldemort and well...there wasn't much of Peter talking. However, your Voldemort felt very much in character. Creepy, scary and very commanding. I like how he just assumes that Peter will join him.

The end to this was fantastic! Peter's remorse yet he even tries to blame this on Sirius! Of all people! Argh! Your Peter here doesn't make me feel bad for him but more angry towards a the man who turned out to be a coward.

The description and imagery to this is great. I was really able to picture everything in my head, which is something I like to do while I'm reading. The emotions Peter went through were rough but at the same time I still can't forgive him. Hahaha!

This was a great one-shot! Thank you for letting me read it! As much as I hate Peter, I think you did a fantastic job with the story.

Until next time

--Rosie

Author's Response: No worries on the delay - it was really nice of you to offer to review stuff! So thanks! ♥

I'm really glad Peter 's excuse seemed believable! It always made me so sad that the rest of them began to distrust Remus after years of being friends - but with Peter switching sides around that time, it seemed like a logical explanation.

I'm thrilled to hear that you think Voldemort was in character! I often worry about my portrayal of canon characters, and so it means a lot that a character as important as Voldemort was written well! And yes Voldemort is quite arrogant about his own abilities/power, so he thinks he can get anyone to join if he tries!

The part with him blaming it on Sirius - from what is described in the books it was very convincing to outside observers that Sirius had done the curse that killed all the Muggles when he went after Peter, and I thought Peter must have planned that out beforehand. Since it was Sirius' idea to switch secret-keepers, he was the logical one for Peter to blame, in his mind.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the story despite that you hate Peter! (I really don't like him either, which made this just that more interesting to write haha) Thank you for such a lovely and thoughtful review!


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Review #8, by quixotic Secrets

9th August 2013:
Hi! I'm here for the Death Eater Challenge.

It's interesting to read a story written from Peter's perspective and experience his conflicting emotions. You've made him so human. So insecure and scared. I'm not sure whether I want to pity him or slap him.

I love your description. It allowed the story to flow comfortably between different memories and the present. If I had to pick a favourite line, it would be, "Eyes were the windows to the soul, someone had said once. Peter blinked."

Overall, this story had me glued to the computer until the very last line. Awesome job :)

Author's Response: Ooh thank you! I'm so glad Peter came across as very human - I think he was exhibiting the worst traits of humanity in this :p And I know what you mean about not knowing whether to pity him or slap him... he was in a terrible situation which wasn't his fault, but then he made a right mess of it and made all the wrong choices.

I'm quite proud of that line as well :p I'm glad you liked it! And thanks for the compliments on the description - I worked a lot on the imagery in this so that is wonderful to hear.

Thanks so much for your review!


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Review #9, by rozen_maiden Secrets

31st July 2013:
Review tag :)
Ah, this was really gorgeously written. It was sad, emotional and really captured Peter as a person. He wasn't detestable (I find a lot of stories make him an unsavoury character), but in fact I really, really felt sympathy for him.
And I don't even know how to describe how I felt about your descriptions of Lily and James and Peter. It seems all the more sad knowing what is going to happen. You carried out every sentence, paragraph and word perfectly - there was not a thing I found out of place.
And the parts involving Voldemort ... Wow. They were fittingly chilling, and I actually felt really tense by the end, only to have it topped off by your last line ... So well done!
I've never really read a one-shot that ties up loose ends and describes things so fluently (as I said, no word was out of place), but this was a really great read. I'm glad I had a look at it - it was truly amazing!
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm really glad you felt sorry for Peter, actually. I don't think he was ever a truly malicious person - despite everything, he did still care about his old friends.
Aah you said it was amazing - that totally made my day ♥ It's really wonderful to hear that the story was chilling and emotional - I'd never written anything dark before, so I'm glad I conveyed all those feelings properly. This was such a lovely review, thank you so much for reading!! ♥


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Review #10, by missclaire17 Secrets

19th July 2013:
Hello! It's Claire from the forums!

This one-shot made me really sad. Usually stories portraying Peter try and do a good job of portraying Peter's indecisiveness, but I don't think I've read a story that does it as well as you do it here.

Peter is always one of those people that I don't want to think about when the Marauders graduate from Hogwarts. It positively kills my heart to know that one of them were betraying their best friends, and it's even worse when they start to think that it's Remus. Despite James's best intentions and how he would rather die than think badly of a friend, I think that the suspicion that he tries hard to ignore can't help but sneak up to James. It's horrible, thinking about this entire debacle, but I think you do it so perfectly.

Peter does crave power. He hates to be tortured, and he doesn't think in terms of he would rather die than give up precious information. Dumbledore's quote that "I think we sort too early" really is true. Sometimes, I think that Hogwarts does sort too early because Peter, probably sorted into Gryffindor because of how much he WANTS to be brave and courageous, doesn't have the willpower to do so in the end when it matters the most.

I think the saddest bit of all is that even as Peter is doing it, he knows it's wrong and he knows that he's sending his best friends and completely innocent people into danger. I'm glad that you wrote that Peter really was very indecisive because they were still his friends. It's hard for me to imagine that Peter completely turned a leaf, and just no longer cared for his friends. Even if he, at the end, made the wrong decision and aligned himself wrongly, there is still that friendship that still lingers.

Wonderful job writing this. It's so beautifully written, and to me, this is one of the worst betrayals ever in literature.

Author's Response: Oh thank you so much! This was such a nice and thoughtful review :)

That always made me really sad as well, Peter's betrayal and how they thought it might be Remus. I'm glad you thought it made sense for him to be so indecisive. Like you said, I couldn't imagine him switching sides instantly and discarding his best friends of ten years. Even someone like Peter does have a scrap of conscience.

I like what you said about sorting too early, I agree that's probably the case with Peter. He values bravery and loyalty, but when it comes down to it he doesn't really display those qualities and is rather selfish.

Thanks for your review!


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Review #11, by UnluckyStar57 Secrets

19th July 2013:
Hi! I'm here with that review you requested agggeeesss ago. I'm really sorry for the delay--I've been stuck in the real world for a little too long. :)

This was such a wonderful one-shot. I really loved seeing the events from Peter's perspective, especially since he doesn't show up much in fanfiction. I thought it was really brilliant how you wrote him into certain situations, and it fit his character like a glove!

The shop scene was AMAZING. I certainly wish that I had your seemingly-effortless powers of description. While Peter was in the shop, I could see the room vividly. Gibbon was a very nice addition to the Death Eaters in this story, because he was basically the beginning of Peter's turn to the dark side. I've never really seen Peter's moment of betrayal written out, nor have I seen the moment when James and Lily made Peter their Secret Keeper. It was so awesome to read all of that in this story, from Peter's point of view, because the freedoms that you can take with him are almost limitless! He's the ignored, the underappreciated, and the fact that you gave him a story and a voice is just so marvelous and also, very, very sad.

Your grammar, spelling, and sentence structure were all quite impeccable, by the way. I go nuts for stories that are so perfect like this one is. :)

I love your writing style! This one-shot definitely gets a 10/10! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: No worries on the delay, I understand that people have real lives outside of HPFF! :P

Thank you so much, this was such a lovely review! I'm still grinning as I write this response. I really appreciate your comments about my descriptions, it's so good to hear you think they were amazing! And I'm glad you liked the way I wrote Peter's character. He was in a messy situation and I always felt like it couldn't have been an easy and quick thing for him to switch sides, so there was a lot going on in his mind there.

Thanks once again for your kind review!!


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Review #12, by Broken Butterfly Secrets

15th July 2013:
Thanks for your submission to the no happy Ending Challenge.

I love how this is about Peter! How clever since obviously his betrayal is the whole basis of sadness in the actual books. I really liked the creative style of this how you fill in details that are missing in the books as to why he would have made the betrayal he did. I also really appreciate how you showed how much his choice Haunted him in the end. Great Job.

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it, and I really appreciate the compliments on my writing style. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to write this story - I enjoyed participating in the challenge!

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Review #13, by HollyStone73 Secrets

8th July 2013:
AHHH!! I loved this!! I always(like the rest of the world, I'm sure) thought of Peter as this no-good person with no soul and no conscious. You were able to portray him as someone who might have actually had so regret and doubt about the things that he did while still showing how he hungered for power and approval. I love how you kept referencing their time at school as well! Great job on this one. A pleasure to read!!

Author's Response: Oh that is so wonderful to hear :) I'm really glad you liked the portrayal of Peter. Thanks for your review!!

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Review #14, by KiwiOliver Secrets

3rd July 2013:
KiwiOliver with your RR: (Sorry it's late, been away a couple of days)
First off, this chapter made me really sad! You did a really good job of portraying Peters emotions, and although what he's doing is terrible, you managed to make me feel sorry for him!
I like how you cut back to when Peter was caught, and when he became thew secret keeper, instead of doing it chronologically. I think that really makes the chapter awesome because we already know he's selling out, now we find out how it came to happen.
The way this story flows is great, I just sat back on my bed and read the whole thing without being able to take my eyes away!
You asked me to find anything that needs mentioning, the only bit I don't like is very minor:
As Peter is thrown out by Voldemort and the death eater, Voldemort disapparates without learning the information Peter had given. Surely if it was important enough information not to kill Peter on the spot, he'd want to hear it?
That's the only bit of CC I could give you, because I liked every single other word!
You've done an amazing job and I really liked your writing style :)
KO

Author's Response: Haha, I'm actually glad you felt sorry for Peter! It's so easy to just hate him because he's such a slimeball, but I saw him as not really malicious, just weak.

I'm glad you think the non-chronological narration worked, too!

Thanks for pointing that out about Voldemort. I didn't include the specific information he handed over because I felt it took away from the plot - but you're right, it would make sense for Voldemort to stick around and hear it from Gibbon at least!

Thanks for your review!


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Review #15, by HeyMrsPotter Secrets

28th June 2013:
Hello! Here for our review swap :)

All I have to say, is WOW! Usually I review as I read but I got so engrossed in this that I completely forgot why I was reading!

This was flawless, amazingly written and completely captivating. You have Peter's personality exactly right, I really like the inner battle over which side he should take and I love that there's always that selfish hint to his thoughts. I would try to quote my favourite lines but honestly think I would end up quoting your entire story back to you!

I couldn't even find a comma out of place, your spelling and grammar were perfect and I literally haven't a shred of CC to offer you, I wouldn't change a thing!

Thank you for the swap and well done for writing such an amazing one shot :)

Author's Response: Aw thank you! *blushes* I am so glad his characterisation came across well. All we ever see of him in the books is just a weak, dislikeable character who betrayed Harry's parents, but I thought there was probably some depth there, even if he is still quite selfish, as you said. Thanks so much for such a glowing review, I'm practically floating in the clouds now :)

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Review #16, by academica Secrets

28th June 2013:
Hi, here from Review Tag!

Wow, this was incredible! I don't really know where to start. Well, firstly, your characterization of Peter was just perfect. I loved how you threaded his feelings of conflict throughout the piece; for example, the line about how he had always wanted power but suddenly wished he hadn't been trusted with the Fidelius Charm was really powerful. You can also see his courage eroding as he decays into the person that we find it hard to believe was ever sorted into Gryffindor. I also loved the imagery with his eyes--that line "Peter blinked" was so simple and yet so, so effective. Same goes for the literal blood on his hands at the end. It was perfect.

It was nice for you to pull in elements from canon, like the quick betrayal of the Potters and the suspicions raised about Remus, and I thought your build-up of how Peter may have switched sides was also very believable. You can see, sadly, that he's setting himself up for a lot of regret in his later years. I can also see foreshadowing about why he might have chosen to hide as a rat with the Weasleys for years following the Potters' deaths. Clearly he was using it to his advantage here.

This story just has so many layers and I feel like it's a very special gem because there are so few Peter-centric stories out there as it is. This one definitely deserves a place in Story Recommendations, so I'm off to drop it there now.

Great work :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I have the hugest smile on my face now after reading this review, you just made my day!

I really appreciate your comments about the imagery - that was one of the things I worked on the most for this piece. And I'm glad you thought the circumstances of his betrayal seemed real. I felt that he couldn't possibly have just turned on his friends only because he found someone more powerful to attach to. It seemed like the action of someone who was already broken.

This may sound odd, but you noticed something I didn't even realise about my own work - I hadn't even thought about the foreshadowing of him hiding with the Weasleys. But now that you mention it, I do see it. Thanks for pointing that out!

Story Recommendations?! :O I'm so honoured. Thank you!!!


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Review #17, by marauder5 Secrets

26th June 2013:
Hi! This was a really, really good one-shot. I never thought I'd feel sorry for Peter (because I dislike him too much), but for a while there, I did. Obviously, he never wanted any of it, and you made it seem like he had no choice (which was probably what he was thinking). But I think Dumbledore, being a better man than Peter, taught us that there's always a choice: the choice between what is right and what is easy, and Peter chose the easy way. I think he could have survived if he had told Dumbledore or his friends after the first time when he was caught stealing, he could have gone into hiding as well... So yeah, I still dislike him, because he DID choose to betray James and Lily, but at least in this one-shot I can understand him a bit better.

As for the language, it was mostly beautifully written. I loved the part where you described the clouds in the sky, and my favourite paragraph was the one that begins with: "Gone were the days when four schoolboys..." It was so brilliant, and so touching. I do have a small suggestion when it comes to your language, though. Sometimes I thought you were a bit repetitive. At some point in the beginning, you wrote 'Peter' many times, and speaking of that favourite paragraph of mine - the last sentence goes:
"The days of sharing secrets were long past; now they had to keep secrets in silence." I don't think that you have to use the word secrets both times. It could be something like: "The days of sharing secrets were long past; now they had to keep them in silence." Using the same words too many time can disrupt the flow just a little bit.

Other than that, I really loved this one-shot! I think you can work on the ending a little bit, too, because it didn't feel like a real conclusion, if that makes sense. But it's fine the way it is too. You are definitely a talented writer, this was really touching and I really, really enjoyed reading it :)

Author's Response: Eee thank you! I'm so thrilled to see a review on this story, and one as nice as this!

I'm glad you felt sorry for Peter (one of my goals when I wrote it was to see if it was possible to feel sorry for such a repulsive character!) And you're right - while he never would have made the move to switch sides on his own, and he didn't have much of a choice, he did have one, and he chose Voldemort.

And thank you for the sweet compliments about my writing style :) I'll go back and fix some of the repetition you mentioned - I do have a tendency to do that.

As for the ending, I meant for it to end on a kind of unfinished note, actually. As it is, he has just given in to Voldemort, feeling guilty and is wondering if there's a way out of what he's done. You already know what happens next, but I didn't include it because I didn't think it would add anything new to Peter's soup of angsty feelings.

Thank you SO much for your review!! :)


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