Reading Reviews for The Secret of the Kestrel
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Secret Santa Empty Cells of Azkaban

27th December 2013:
Ho ho ho!

Okay so first off: THIS WAS SUPER AWESOME!!! Ohmigosh! There was action, description, history. Ugh! The only thing that would make it better is a smidge more description such as what the certain new people looked liked. And what exactly are MLEP? Magical Law Enforcement... Protectors? Just explain what that is and you'll be golden!

Ooh, so the title intrigues me. What's a Kestrel? Or *the* Kestrel? Or is it kestrel with a lowercase k? I'm super excited to see how this pans out, but not super excited because there are only 3 chapters. How dare you? I'm going to get sucked into this and it won't take me too long to finish!

Oh, right! Why isn't Ron technically an auror? Either explain it in this chapter or in a later one, because that specific part is quite vague and I'm a little confused as to why he isnít.

But this was super good! Tiny little details such as how Ron hated it because of the dementors and such, canon facts such as Hermione's position. Ugh, this was really good!

Oh, so just to tell you, at the start, I thought Mrs. Weasley was Molly Weasley and I was really confused, but then I realized why Hermione was Mrs. Weasley and it was a really blonde moment for me (although I'm not blonde, so that was strange). But I really liked how you subtly included the fact that they were married without explicitly saying that they were. Very classy.

One more thing, I'm pretty sure I talked about how your characters' dialogue was pretty stiff in one of your other stories considering their setting, this dialogue was the exact same eloquence, yet it worked because of the situation. I was really glad to see that because nothing's worse than the minister asking someone 'hey, what's up?'

So, yeah! Great job!
Secret Santa

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I looked through my notes and for once I didn't write down the acronym definition. If I had to guess, I think that MLEP would be Magical Law Enforcement Personnel.

A kestrel is a bird of prey.

Ron was an Auror until he retired to work with his brother George at WWW. For this story, Harry recalls Ron to active Auror status to protect Hermione.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #2, by Secret Santa Empty Cells of Azkaban

25th December 2013:
Ho ho ho!

This was super cool! I'd never thought of a wizard wanting to do the magical equivalent of backpacking through Europe (although this is kind of the world, not just Europe), so this was a cool read!

It was super awesome to see you tie in actual places and explain a bit about their magical history and the kinds of magical things you can find there, too. The one thing would be to tie in the phoenix to one country. It was very basic and vague when you talked about its origins, but just mentioning the country quickly could clear that right up!

This was very original, and I would really like to know how you came up with the idea for this. It seems unlike anything Iíve ever read in HPFF, so kudos, but seriously. How did you come up with this gem?

Great job! This was a nice little piece and I'm excited to keep reading your stuff!

Love always,
Secret Santa

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I will take another look and see about revising a little bit in connection with the Phoenix.

It seems like most of the time when I plan my vacations, I do very much the same and look through all the information available and make a list of what I want to see and what I want to do. Unlike Caradoc, however, I never seem to get the chance to actually travel.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #3, by AlexFan Revealing the Mastermind

27th August 2013:
I'm back! I'm gonna keep this short, sweet and to the point.

I think this is one of your best stories and your writing at its best. You've got enough description to set the scene and paint a picture in the reader's head but not enough that it would bore someone to death. The beginning was mostly description which isn't a bad thing and totally understandable because you have to set up the scene and the setting and such.

Your flow was great, as far as I could see there was nothing there to interrupt it and everything was easy to read. You didn't use any big words that I would've had to look up (as is sometimes the case) which is also a plus in my book.

I think this was the most interesting chapter so far because we find out who is responsible for everything. I like that you didn't drag the chapter on longer than it needed to be and got straight to the point.

You've definitely captured the reader's attention and left them wanting to read more. I look forward to seeing how the problem is solved as the story goes on.

Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I'm blushing! Thank you! I did enjoy writing this mystery and want to write more mysteries. They're pretty fun to write!

I might be overly concerned about the balance of description/dialogue mainly because I once read a book where the first 20 or so pages described a forest almost literally tree by tree. Needless to say, once I finished that book report, I never picked that book up again. :I

I will think about how best to continue the story. I've got an idea in my head that I'll work on.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #4, by BookDinosaur Revealing the Mastermind

26th August 2013:
Hi again! Wow, this chapter was just full, wasn't it?

Well, let me start with what I was bursting to say. Rita Skeeter?! Really?! I would never have guessed that one. Well, she must have been desperate for a story if she had to bust Death Eaters out of jail, haha! :)

The flow in this chapter was good, and your spelling/punctuation/grammar was as fine as ever, I couldn't see any mistakes. :)

Your characters were as in canon as always, and this last chapter was a pleasure to read. It was really fun to hear Hermione uncover the mystery, it all made sense at the end. :)

Congrats on completing your first mystery story, I really enjoyed reading it!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

For Rita, part of it was being tired of writing non-scandalous stories, but another part was also wanting to get back at who she felt was responsible.

This was fun to write and I'm looking forward to writing more mysteries.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #5, by BookDinosaur Searching for the Answer

26th August 2013:
Hey... *cowers* Yes, I know I'm unforgivably late. I'm sorry!

So, I enjoyed this chapter, I really liked how you wrote the suspense and tension the Golden Trio are under. They're all acting really canon, which now I'm beginning to expect of you. I especially like how Ron immediately starts blaming Draco for the crime - it was a really nice touch and made him just that much more canon. And how he was becoming more paranoid and like Mad-Eye made me laugh. :)

Your spelling, punctuation and grammar were all fine in this chapter, it made everything flow well. The only thing I can say about your flow was that it was a bit rough at times, and your language was slightly formal when you didn't need it to be. For example, you say 'Hermione made no protest as Ron searched her office quickly, instead she waited semi-patiently just inside the doorway' when that could easily be 'instead waiting outside the doorway'. I think that slightly more informal language could improve the flow in the story. I hope I'm making sense here. :P

I loved Rita Skeeter's article, it was very her. You have a great knack for writing Rita Skeeter articles, I think. :)

And the cliffy at the end was really surprising. How could Hermione know who was the criminal?

Al in all, I really liked this chapter, and am going on to the next one now. :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I liked that part in particular when Ron was blaming Draco just because he doesn't like him as well as how he has started acting like Mad-Eye. :)

I will go back through the story and see about improving the story flow more. Thank you for pointing it out.

It is a little bit of fun to write Rita Skeeter's articles.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #6, by AlexFan Searching for the Answer

22nd August 2013:
Hey there! Finally back with your review!

Alright, I'll keep this short and to the point because I really don't have the energy to write anything too long.

What I noticed about this chapter that was different from the last was that there was more description and less dialogue. The chapter mostly consisted of description and there was very little dialogue which isn't a bad thing. It kept the chapter interesting and painted a picture of the setting in the reader's mind.

As always, your story flow was great, you can tell that you put a lot of time and effort into this because there's no grammar or punctuation errors (as far as I can see and I'm not always the best judge on that) and the way that everything flowed.

You kept my interest throughout the chapter and when I say I found my mind wandering and this took a while for me to read it's not because your story was boring, it's just that I'm tired and my attention span has kind of disappeared as the day has gone on.

Author's Response: Thank you very much.

I completely understand. No problems.

It was interesting trying to add in the clues while trying not to give anything away.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #7, by AlexFan Empty Cells of Azkaban

6th August 2013:
hey! I'm here with your very late review but I'm here for it!

The first thing that I want to mention is that it's really strange to hear Harry use words like ensure and stuff. It just seems so out of character for him but I suppose that's because I've gotten really used to hearing him be all relaxed. I suppose he changed as time went on though and became a little more serious.

The thing that I really noticed about your story is that you have great pace and transition. The chapter doesn't go by too fast and scenes don't cut off resulting in the flow being disrupted.

When changing point of views it's often hard to make the characters sound different but you managed it really well. There was no mistaking Hermione for Harry or Ron.

My favourite thing would have to be Harry smashing that globe. I think it's a really clever idea on getting a group of people together for an emergency meeting.

You've got a good balance between description and dialogue (as you always do) and I like how you establish the setting first and then get into the dialogue so that the reader isn't left wanting more from either.

The character that you got the most spot on is Hermione though. She was very proper and organized and the moment when her character really shined through was when she was asked whether the memory would be lost and she rolled her eyes. It reminded me of so many times when she would look at Harry and Ron like they were both idiots.

And last but not least, Hermione and Ron might not want to brush off what Fudge said about bugs that easily. Even if someone isn't always in their right mind they're often talking about something no matter how nonsensical it is.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I'm sorry about the delay in replying. It's been hectic here.

Since Harry would be in his 30s at this time and the Head Auror, I tried to imagine how his demeanor would have been. Given his high rank, I suspect he would talk one way while at work and another when he's off the clock.

Making up that globe that Harry smashes was pretty fun. :)

In regards to Fudge... You've stumbled on a clue... :)

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #8, by Chivalrous Revealing the Mastermind

30th July 2013:
Rita Skeeter did it!? She must have been super boreddd aha! ;) Can't wait for the next update! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Yes, Rita Skeeter was the culprit! She created her career based on misinformation and non-truths. To spend 21 years writing purposeful stories must have been boring for her. ;)

This story has found its end, but I am looking forward to writing more mystery stories. :)

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #9, by MargaretLane Revealing the Mastermind

27th July 2013:
I like the way Kingsley wants to be there, but the others don't want him there as it makes him a target. As he was an Auror, I'd imagine he'd be anxious to take the risk if he thought it'd calm things, but I can also see why the others wouldn't want him there.

Hmm, now I'm wondering if the villain is a reporter and Hermione is using the press conference as a way of ensuring the villain will be there so they can be arrested. That'd be smart.

Skeeter did cross my mind for a moment while reading this chapter, but not until the last moment. I certainly didn't consider her before she started questioning Hermione.

And the explanation of Hermione's spell didn't come to me at all. Even after she'd been fingered as the villain, I didn't make the connection.

I knew there was something odd about that name. The use of the capital T in the middle was what made me suspicious. I was completely on the wrong track as to WHAT it meant though. I thought it was an anagram of some kind.

One mistake I noticed was that Hermione says of Skeeter's reason for committing the crime "something FOR which she holds Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley and me responsible FOR." The sentence only needs one of those fors.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I've fixed the grammar mistake. Thank you for pointing it out. :)

This mystery was fun to write. Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #10, by MargaretLane Searching for the Answer

25th July 2013:
I like the way you've maintained uneasiness between Harry and Draco. It makes sense Draco wouldn't trust him immediately.

Hmm, I wonder what's up with Mr. Mertz.

Oooh, that's creepy about Azkaban. It never occurred to me as an idea, but it sounds plausible. It's quite an original idea too.

Libby Connell. Hmm, could she be the mysterious woman? I'll have to reread the previous chapter and remind myself of some things.

I love the tone of Rita's article. You can practically hear her. I tried to write a Rita article myself recently and didn't find it too easy.

I also like your reference to many people having memories that haunt them from the war.

And yikes, how does Hermione know who it is? So far, the only person I can think of is Libby Connell. *goes to check a few things*

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Should I admit that it is fun writing a Rita Skeeter article? So much disinformation can be given and non-adherence to the truth. Insinuations and more. :)

Hermione had an epiphany as to who was responsible, just like in the 4th book. ;)

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #11, by Chivalrous Searching for the Answer

11th July 2013:
Who did it!? I have to know!!! :) I loved the chapter as well!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

The person is... to be revealed in the next chapter!

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #12, by Chivalrous Empty Cells of Azkaban

4th July 2013:
I love this! I can't wait to see how it all unfolds! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I'm still working on the next chapter(s) for a startling event and a twist!

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #13, by BookDinosaur Empty Cells of Azkaban

30th June 2013:
-BookDinosaur- here with your requested review!

So, I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I love how you portray Harry's workplace, you write the jargon of the workers well. I love how you write Kingsley, he's very canon. Harry Ron and Hermione are all very in-line with the books as well, so well done there. The one thing I would recommend is for you to show us more of Ginny's reaction to the beginning. Afetr all, they're in the same room and she would surely know what that loud noise meant, I would think that she'd have more of a reaction to it.-BookDinosaur- here with your requested review!

So, I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I love how you portray Harry's workplace, you write the jargon of the workers well. I love how you write Kingsley, he's very canon. Harry Ron and Hermione are all very in-line with the books as

I loved all the little details you came up with - the Smart Quill and the ring to alert the aurors, and I liked how you potrayed Azkaban, if anything I think it might be a little more gloomy and desolate, but maybe it's cheered up since to Second Wizarding War, I don't know. :)

I like how this story is about the Death Eaters coming out of Azkaban, which is a pretty common theme in Next Gen fics, but normally it's from the kids' POVs, so I really love that you're putting a new take on it here.

I love your buildup to the mystery - I already want to know what happens and the suspense is pretty good. Also, I feel like I should know who this lady is, so I want to read on to actually find out.

All in all, this was a great chapter I really enjoyed reading. :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

The alert from the ring can be heard only by the wearer of the ring. I did have at first where everyone could hear it and then realized that wasn't necessarily a good thing if the Auror was hiding in order to catch the Dark Wizard/Witch. So it had to change. I'll revise to where she'll react more to Harry's reaction than to the noise.

It has been fun thinking up all these little gadgets for them to use. :)

I had the feeling that after the Second Wizarding War that the Ministry did not reinstall the Dementors at Azkaban given their abandonment of their positions as well as joining Voldemort. I think their essence possibly is still there in places which is what makes people still fear it, but it's being guarded by a Security detail.

I did place several clues to the identity in the chapter... :)

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #14, by MargaretLane Empty Cells of Azkaban

18th June 2013:
Love the ring. It makes sense the Aurors would have something to alert them like that.

I also think you write the jargon of the Aurors and the Department of Law Enforcement well. I like the way you portray Hermione at work. She seems very much in control, which I would expect her to be.

And of course, it makes sense that if she needs an Auror to protect her, it should be her husband. Will be interesting to see them working together.

I like the fact that this is showing a common theme in Next Generation fics from a side we don't often see. I've read a few Next Generation stories where Death Eaters or their children or supporters are trying to get revenge by targeting the children of the Trio and usually it's from the kids' point of view, whereas here we have the adults worrying about the possibility of the kids being targeted.

I've a feeling I should be able to figure out who this woman is. I also suspect the name is an anagram, but I might be wrong about that. I'm going to try playing around with it and see if I get anything.

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

It was fun creating the ring, the globe and the new security protections for Hogwarts. :)

Thank you! I expect that there will be sparks as Ron and Hermione work together. Especially since Ron will be trying to keep Hermione safe and Hermione is wanting to solve the mystery. :)

The woman has been identified in this chapter. I think saying anything else would give it away... :I

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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