Reading Reviews for Periphery
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by GingeredTea Periphery

3rd November 2013:
Sorry about the mess up on the review thread. Thank you for pointing it out so quickly to me. :)

I love your use of second perspective, it's a harder perspective to use and you seem to be really comfortable with it.

Overall this was spectacular. I mean it. I have never really ready a Barty Crouch Jr. story and this has really altered my perspective of him. The only confusing part is if he really didn't participate back then, how was he so cruel and practiced when he was pretending to be Moody?

Anyways, fantastic character study, brilliant writing, great flow. Loved reading it!

Author's Response: It's fine, I just happened to look and I thought it would be best so you don't end up doing too many!

Yes, it was fun to do and surprisingly easy once I got my head around it. I'm glad that you liked it so much as I did want to show a new to side to him. I think he became that side of him through being in Azkaban as that must have changed him a lot.

Thanks for the great review!


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Review #2, by toomanycurls Periphery

4th September 2013:
This reminds me of Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chaplin. I was really drawn in by this story. It ties in beautifully with bits from the wizarding world that add magic to the sad story.

You made me feel sorry for a character I never though to consider beyond his very high level back story presented in the series. Great job!

Author's Response: I haven't read/seen that, but I'll definitely check it out! I'm so glad that you were drawn to this story as it's one of my favourites! I never really thought much about Barty either before writing this, so to hear you say that just made me smile way too much! Thank you for another great review and favouriting me as an author! :D

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Review #3, by quixotic Periphery

27th August 2013:
Hi! I'm here to review your entry for the Death Eater Challenge. Gosh, sorry for the long wait!

Barty Crouch Jr. is my favourite Death Eater of the lot (the fact that David Tenant plays him in the movies could have have been a motivating factor).

In your story, Barty is shown growing up as a boy who craved for his father's love and a little of his father's time. It's heart breaking to see how his father failed to give him this every time. Yet Barty keeps giving his father just another chance. Getting sent to Azkaban was the final straw, I suppose, and then he finally gives up. I can imagine what a brilliant wizard Barty could have been had he had a better childhood.

My favourite part of the story is the beginning just because the hope and innocence in Barty's voice is so evident. He seems like a completely different Barty as opposed to the one in the Goblet of Fire. He's a bright ambitious boy who seems to love the job his father occupies. Perhaps Barty would have made a great Minister of Magic. You've shown how Winky was his sole friend, confident and caretaker. All of this in the first 18 lines. Woah.

To conclude, it was a great story to read and review! Thank you so much for participating in my challenge.

Author's Response: Hello, don't worry about the wait, you're here now and that's what counts!

Haha, that probably plays a big part in why I like him too, so don't worry about that at all!

I'm really glad that you got the gist of what I was trying to do in this story because it's the first time I ever tried something like this so I didn't really know whether it would work or not. I know, I can imagine too, and that's what made it even sadder.

I'm glad you liked that part because that's what I worked hardest at to weave into the story. Haha, sorry I bombarded you with so much in a short space I just wanted to show how much people can change due to circumstances.

Thank you for a wonderful review and choosing me to come second, it meant a lot!!

-Kiana


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Review #4, by TenthWeasley Periphery

17th August 2013:
Hi, Kiana -- here to review you for the TGS review exchange!

People really don't mention Barty Crouch enough in stories, let alone write stories entirely centered around him, and I was pretty intrigued when I saw that your story for this month's exchange dealt with him. The old Ravenclaw collab was a Barty-centric story, so I've read (and written) a bit about him, but I somehow loved the fact that you put it into second person. That's actually one of my favorite writing techniques, and not a lot of people can pull it off; it can sometimes be really challenging. But for a character like Barty, who can seem sometimes incomprehensible, the second person allows the reader into his head to see what he's thinking, and I thought it was a really excellent choice of storytelling!

The last section is my absolute favorite -- bleak and depressing, but wonderful for all that. ♥ It's so heartbreaking, too, because that's where the entire story comes to a close. How painful would it be, to know that your own family was, in the end, what led you to where you ended up? And then there's the idea of Barty's mother's role in canon, too, but obviously that doesn't come into play in this one-shot. I don't really know what I'm trying to say anymore, but there's just such emotion in, what, four lines? I got a little bit teary thinking about it. They were very hard-hitting, and that's what I look for in a story.

Death Eaters all have a reason for ending up where they do. Some are mad, some are power-hungry... And that's the great thing about fan fiction. We're allowed to explore that. Why don't more people explore that? I find it fascinating! And in your story, Barty Crouch Jr.'s father is almost more of the villain for not saving his son. I am nearly incomprehensible with love for that twist.

Wow. This review was a bit... less than desired. But honestly, I loved reading this, and I'm very glad I got the chance to. ♥

Author's Response: Hey Rachel!

I noticed that too, that's why I was really glad when I was given him in the challenge because I really hadn't thought about him at all but now was my chance. Don't bring up the collab it will only trigger guilt of having not read it! I'm really glad that you liked my choice of narrative, as it just somehow seemed to fit him. It was actually a ton of fun to write so I definitely want to try it out again!

The last section is my favourite too! I know how you feel, because I felt I became a lot closer to Barty in this one-shot so I almost wanted to make it AU so he could have happy life away from everything. I'm sorry I made you teary, but I guess it was good teary in a way :P

I'm so glad that you loved the twist, as it's so much fun to explore it from another perspective! Thank you for this wonderful review, Rachel! ♥


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Review #5, by blackballet Periphery

2nd August 2013:
This is absolutely terrifying. It made me so sad, and is a very realistic scenario, I think. It scares me to think that someone's parents can have so much power and influence on them, but it's true. I really want to use BC Jr. in a fic now, because I've sprouted ideas from this. Thank you so much!

Author's Response: I'm sorry but I'm glad that I scared you and made me you sad as that was the aim of the one-shot. It scares me too, and I think it was a really important theme JK included. Yay I sprouted ideas! If you write it tell me when it's up - I would love to read it! Thanks for the great Review!

-Kiana


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Review #6, by academica Periphery

6th July 2013:
Hi Kiana! This story looked interesting and I love BCJ so I'm here to leave a "thank you" review for you :)

I love the very childlike feel of the first section, where Barty pictures his father's papers as being like playing cards and is more preoccupied with the interesting room than his father's harsh reaction. I also liked the mention of him being close to Winky, as that was a great touch to add from canon.

The section on the train was kind of interesting. On the one hand, I'm a little surprised the other kids were so forward about their association with Voldemort--though obviously kids often say things that adults would know better to keep quiet :) On the other hand, I really liked the ending where Barty discovered that other people also view his father as harsh. I'm sure it would be difficult and eye-opening to experience that on his first day.

That third section was so heart-wrenching, especially this line: you hope that one day, when you need him, he will be there for you. I can't help but think of the courtroom scene where Barty Sr. totally denied his relation to his son, and I wonder if Barty would have felt this way then.

I liked the fourth section a lot because it really shows how Barty would have found it logical to join the Death Eaters based on the way his father has always treated him. I think it's important to build that motivation into a story like this because you have to wonder how someone from that kind of family could have fallen so far from the tree. I guess in my head canon Barty is a little older than the Marauders, maybe between Bellatrix's age and their class, but I don't know for sure about that.

The fifth section was powerful, too. Clearly Barty is looking for a father figure and it's a little sad how easily Voldemort was able to draw him in and comfort him. It just goes to show you how much he was hurting inside. The bits about Voldemort trusting him and them having in common the lack of a good father figure were especially intriguing.

I felt very confused in the sixth section, but in a good way, because I felt like I could resonate with Barty's feelings. Does that make sense? Haha. It was like he was blending his father and Voldemort in ways that were scary and yet exhilarating. You did a nice job dealing with a difficult moment there.

The whole scene with the Longbottoms was super chilling, especially the way they just kind of stopped responding verbally to the torture and just took it with their bodies. I wonder what Barty would have thought if he had encountered baby Neville during the attack? I liked the reluctance you built into his character throughout that scene.

Yep, as I suspected, Barty held onto his father until the last minute, and what a crushing disappointment he experienced there. I could really see the final stage of his deterioration and loss of innocence there and you just brought it home beautifully.

One more note I want to make--I really thought you did a fantastic job threading the theme of Barty being on the periphery throughout the piece. I could probably read it again just with that theme in mind and get a whole new experience out of it. It's my opinion that a good one-shot needs a strong theme and you really accomplished that here.

I just want to add that I love getting your reviews and I appreciate you going through my work and putting up with my long author's notes and always giving me a lot to think about with each new chapter. You're awesome and also really, really talented! I totally loved this story!

♥ Amanda

Author's Response: Hi Amanda! Thank you so much for leaving this fabulous review and thank you again for the recommendation!

I'm really glad that you liked the childhood sections of the story. I had a lot of fun writing them as I don't often delve into minds that young, but it's made me want to do it more often! I can see why you thought it was a little forward, and I was worried about it too, but I really couldn't find any other way around it!

I'm really glad that you picked up on that line, because I couldn't help but feel a little evil when including it because I feel Barty may have actually thought that and it makes his life all the more tragic.

I really enjoyed the fourth section because I always wondered why he had joined up because it's possibly even more confusing than Snape doing so, so it was great to explore it. I never really thought much about his age, it's just that referred to him as young in the books so I guess that's why I made him younger than the Marauders.

I find the idea of Voldemort being seen as a father figure a little terrifying but with people like Barty I suppose it makes sense, so it's great that you found it intriguing! I'm glad that you found the sixth section confusing in a good way, because someone said it was confusing in a bad way so I had to go and re-edit it, so it's nice to see it paid off!

I thought about including Neville in the scene because it would have been interesting, but as canon never mentions it, I thought it would be best to avoid including it!

Of course Barty would hold onto his father until the end! I couldn't let him give up that easily, because I imagine himself to be like him if I was in a situation like that, and that's what I would do. Plus, it would kinda go against canon if I didn't :P

I'm so glad that you found the one-shot had a theme because that's what I was thinking of when writing it, so to hear it came through strongly made me smile so much :D

I enjoy reviewing your chapters as they really are excellent and reading your author's notes are interesting too! I hope to get to it soon! Thank you for all the lovely compliments and I'm so glad that you loved it! ♥


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Review #7, by BookDinosaur Periphery

3rd July 2013:
Here for the B VS. B Ravenclaw Review Battle! (Go Team Blue!)
Wow, Kiana. I really loved this story, it was amazing. :) I have no words, but I'll try to get some thoughts down in the box.

Okay, I liked your use of second person narration. We don't often see it around but you managed to pull it off really well, so big kudos to you there, :) It just made Barty a lot more relatable and we got to know him more in this story than we would have if you used third person.

I loved how you portrayed Barty as just a boy who wanted to be loved, it was so heartbreaking as he gave his father chances again and again and kept up hope until the end. It was really realistic, how he joined Voldemort and how Voldemort made him feel included and wanted, even trusted. I think it's a really believable reason why he would turn to Voldemort and rebel against his father.

I particularly liked the scene where he pleads with his father to spare him. That's the breaking point, the last moment where, maybe, he could have been saved if his father had only made the other decision. Although at that part I thought the wife was pleading with her husband, instead of an onlooker? Correct me if I'm wrong, this is just from my memory. :/

Anyway, all in all, this was an amazing little one-shot which I loved reading. :D

Author's Response: Woo go Team Blue :D Ahaha I think I may have died of happiness with that third sentence, it made my day :D

I'm really glad that you liked it, because I had never written in it before now but it somehow felt right to use it. I thought it was really fun to try out and I really recommend it to everyone!

I'm so glad that you liked my portrayal of Barty, as he was such a fun character to explore. I know I felt really bad for him and it made me dislike Barty snr. even more than before because that made him join the DEs and Voldemort along with it.

I'm so glad that you liked that scene because that and the one before it gave me so much grief and I was really worried about. I'm not entirely sure about that either, so I'll go and have a check through it in here and the book to make sure!

I'm so glad that you loved it as it means so much to me and thank you for the amazing compliments! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #8, by KiwiOliver Periphery

29th June 2013:
KiwiOliver here with your RR:
Right off the bat I want to say that the use of second person is not something you come across often, and you've used it really well in this chapter.
To avoid saying things like 'in this chapter I really feel sorry for myself'
I'm going to refer to me, aka the protagonist, as Barty :p
But yeah, you built Barty up as a really solid well thought out character and you managed to make me feel pity for him. Which is a hard thing to do considering I started reading this fic with my own dislike for him.
I really liked the way Voldemort spoke to Barty in v. it really shows us how he managed to delude so many people into following his cause. It's really good :)
The part you wanted me to look at in particular (Viii) I think before that party it's obvious that he's loosing his strong feelings towards the Dark Lord, however, in the actual part, it seems like he's just so scared about whats happening. It's more like he's terrified of what he's doing and he doesn't really think about Voldy at all so that means you kind of have to go off his feelings before that. (I don't know if that makes any sense, it does in my head.)
What I'm trying (but failing) to say is:
I don't think it matters, in that particular section, how he feels towards Voldy. I think that it's obvious he's being dragged into a situation he doesn't want to be a part of and you've managed to write it out brilliantly!
I do think there's enough lead up and I think you've done just enough so that it's not boring, but not all at once. :)
Overall I think that this was a really good fic that made me feel a little differently towards a character that I originally didn't like.
I really liked it and I hope to see some more of your work :) feel free to request some more!
KO

Author's Response: Wow that was really quick! A really quick minor note, I really love your initials and I kept on thinking of boxing when I saw them!

This was the first time I wrote in second person and it was surprisingly fun, so it's great that you liked it! Haha, ok! Yay I made you feel pity! I had a pretty much non-opinion towards him beforehand so it didn't effect me too much, but I'm glad that you could combat your own dislike!

Don't worry, what you said did make sense! It was basically what I was trying to get at, but I really wasn't sure whether I made it to clear enough to the reader or not, so hearing you say that makes sense to me and made me really happy! I really loved your analysis of it and it was a lot of fun to read, as it made me look at it from a new perspective.

I wrote it brilliantly? Thank you so much, and it's completely got rid of my fears for that section! I'm glad that the lead up was fine, because I always find finding a line between dialogue and action hard!

I'm glad that you feel differently towards him, as it's nice to see he has a few more supporters! Thank you so much for this brilliant review, and when I need something reviewed I'll definitely come back :D

-Kiana


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Review #9, by SilentConfession Periphery

28th June 2013:
Hey! Thank you so much for entering my challenge!

I just about cried when I read this because it makes me so sad to think of what Barty could have been given better circumstance. Given that the war wasn't there and his father wasn't obsessed with it. You made him vulnerable here, a boy who was forced into an adult world. He still needed his fathers love and approval and it was interesting to see how far a person can go just to be accepted and needed.

I liked how you described Voldemort. I've always seen him as someone who will make people feel included, needed. Almost fatherly, especially in the beginning when he's accepting new followers. That evokes more people to follow a leader blindly. More than just plain fear. Obviously a lot of his followers came from fear but I think a lot also came from him being able to accept them (Giants, werewolves for instance) and give them a place amongst his ranks. I think it's great that you decided to explore that and also show Barty's resistance to killing people. It shows that what he was doing was rebellion against his father and his need to find himself. He didn't find himself and he realized that in this because he knew that the acceptance was only to gain and groom more followers. More people to do Voldemort's dirty work.

The ending was great too. How it leaves in question what Barty is feeling and I think opens up Barty to becoming the man we know in GoF. His father did not save him, left him to rot in Azkaban and therefore he realizes what he was to his father. Dead. And he just reciprocates that and his father becomes dead to him. I think it completely destroys whatever was holding Barty back from being a complete maniac follower of Voldemort.

Also interesting was your mention of how he used his fathers use of Unforgiveables as being okay so it really wasn't bad to use them and it made both sides just as wrong as the other. I loved that little detail and I agree with it so much. If we can't show a better way to live rather than dipping to the level that the people we fight against than we don't deserve to be seen as the good side. Just a side fighting for power. Some may find it necessary but it's not showing the DE's, people who are leaving school, or children, that killing someone or torturing someone is wrong. As long as there's a 'reason' why you're doing it, it's okay.

Anyway, back to Barty. He was a victim and he let that dictate his actions. He could've been better, could've went another way, it was his choice to be what he was but he wasn't strong enough. This shows his weakness and i think you've done a great job at exploring that while exploring how the war can effect a family, and an individual.

The only thing i can mention is the first couple sentences in the first paragraph in vii was a bit awkward and confusing. I think i get what you're trying to say but it's just worded weirdly. Also the bit with Bellatrix and her storming into his flat seem a bit odd. Not that how you've written it wouldn't be how it happened. It's just, i guess i'd have liked to see some lead up to why she'd chose him of all the other DE's to come along with them to the Longbottoms. It seemed random as he's mentioned the feeling of acceptance had worn off from being included with the DE's so it leads me to think he wasn't a massive part of the movement. So why would someone like Bella think to call him to find Voldemort?

Those are just small things though. I think overall you've done a great job weaving this story together and showing the war through a characters eye and how it ruined this families life. Thank you so much for entering this challenge! It was lovely to read this! :)

Author's Response: Wow is all I can say to this review, and I'll definitely do my best to address all the points you said!

I'm sorry that I'm not sorry that I nearly made you cry! I never really thought much about Barty and then when given him to write about his life I realised how insanely tragic his life is mainly due to, like you said, what it could have been like and it really is interesting to ponder what he could have turned out to be.

I'm glad that you liked my description of Voldemort, because that's what I imagined him to be like to those people who weren't entirely sure about joining up, because giving them that comfort would make them want to stay. I'm glad that you liked the bit about him not wanting to kill others because I never thought he would be like that and it makes him even more vulnerable to a certain extent.

I'm so glad that you liked the ending, as I was really get nervous about them due to the climatic build-up to them. What you said about his father was really interesting as it almost shows that they are both as bad as the other due to Barty snr. giving up on his son and then his son turning into what he was.

I'm so glad that you loved the bit about the unforgivables because I think that was a really amazing theme JK included into the books and I really wanted to show it here. I completely agree with everything you said, and it shows with Harry because he never killed anyone but he still managed to defeat Voldemort, whereas others who did resort to those levels, such as Barty, suffered as a consequence.

Re-reading those sentences, I feel so stupid for not realising how awkwardly phrased they were beforehand. I'll definitely go back and make what I'm trying to say more clear and easy to read! I know what you mean about the Bellatrix scene because I felt as if something was missing from it but no one had said anything so I thought it might just be. I'll try and explain his feelings towards Voldemort and Bellatrix better and hopefully that will straighten out the section!

Thank you so much for this fantastic review, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! I'll be looking forward to seeing the results :)

-Kiana


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Review #10, by Hagrid21 Periphery

27th June 2013:
This story is bone-chilling, the little boy who just wants his father to notice him grows up and finds a new father in Voldemort. I think it's a common theme throughout the series that through their own ignorance or hatred, people wind up creating their own worst enemies. This is especially true with the Crouchs's and its really a shame.

This was a great idea for a story and you did a good job with it. I really liked the perspective where you're writing Crouchs thoughts.

Author's Response: Ooh bone-chilling, what a compliment! I know it's such a horrible yet common theme and I always found it interesting how some people like Sirius turned to good whereas others like Barty turned to the bad side :(

I'm so glad that you liked the perspective as it was a different to what I usually write, and thanks for this great review! ♥


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Review #11, by Brooklyn Periphery

27th June 2013:
This was great. I thought Barty Crouch Jr. was interest too because how he acted in the courtroom was so different from him trying to kill Harry. Great take on this, it's very believable. There were some spelling errors, but I really enjoyed the story.

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you thought this was great! I wanted to show how different Barty could have been if he didn't go to Azkaban as that always saddened me, so I'm glad that you found it believable, thanks for the review ♥

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Review #12, by marauderfan Periphery

26th June 2013:
Hi! Thought I'd check out my competition in the death eater challenge, lol. And I'm really glad I did, because this was an amazing story!

I've never read much in second person narration (apart from "Choose your own Adventure" books) and I think it worked quite well here. It is more personal than third-person and more detached than first-person, which seems really appropriate for Barty Crouch Jr. - it's enough to get to know the character, but he's a rather detached character, so it's perfect.

I actually found myself feeling sorry for him. This is a great background you've written for Crouch jr and really explains his motives and how he ended up where he did, and he just got caught between a rock and a hard place, kind of forced into what he did because everyone else rejected him. His decision to join the ranks of Voldemort made perfect sense in his circumstances, how he wanted to be a part of something and have people care about him. It made me wonder how he would have turned out had his father not been so obsessed with bringing down Dark Wizards to notice that his son had become one.

The fact that Barty really liked Quidditch and just wanted to watch Quidditch matches with his dad made him so relatable (never thought that would be a word I'd use to describe Barty Crouch Jr, but there you have it). And he doesn't seem like an evil, crazy Death Eater, more like one who's scared of what he's got himself into, but won't show it for fear of being rejected again.

It doesn't quite fit with the Barty in GoF, but I guess 10 years in Azkaban will do that to a person.

Great work on this!! 10/10

Author's Response: Hi again! I never have the courage to check out the other entries until the results have been posted, but now you've making me want to read them!

I'm glad that you thought second person narration worked well here. I'm not really sure why I chose it, it just seemed the one which would fit the story and style of it most. I had never written in it before so it was a lot of fun to try out too!

I'm glad that you felt sorry for him as that's what I was aiming to do! I tried to chose a specific moment in his life but I couldn't as I felt I needed to explain all of it for the others to make sense and get a full picture of it and I'm glad that you thought it was great :D

I took the quidditch part from GoF when they're at the world cup and Winky said he always liked quidditch as I thought that was really sweet and it's great that you found it relatable :D

I know this is a different form of Barty that you seen in GoF like you said but I think Azkaban and his all-cosuming hate for his father changed him. Thank you for this amazing review, it really brightened my day!

-Kiana


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Review #13, by lovethepotters Periphery

19th June 2013:
I love this little one-shot! Iíve always been fascinated by the character of Barty Crouch and I love the insight youíve provided into the evolution of his character. There arenít too many one-shots where you get to see Barty from his youngest days to this sentence in Azkaban, so kudos to you :)

Itís interesting how youíve portrayed Barty as a victim of circumstances. In effect, the Death Eaters provide a recognition and connectedness that his father never offered. I also love how youíve included Bartyís slow but steady disintegration of trust in his father; itís very believable.

A big congratulations to you for writing in second person. Not many people can pull it off successfully and I think youíve just done that! :)

Would you mind giving my story "A Pot of Lilies" a look when you're free? A review would be appreciated :D

Again, well done for writing such a great story! I'm going to go and read some more of your work now :D

Author's Response: Aw I'm so glad that you liked it. I never really thought about him much until I was given him for a challenge and I just wanted to explore why he turned out the way he did and it seemed to make sense to cover his life.

I'm glad that you liked it, because that's what I view most tragic about him and it saddens me to see that he could have been saved so easily, yet he wasn't.

I'm really glad that you thought I pulled it off as I had never tried it before this.

I've responded to your PM, and I can't tell you how sorry I am! I'm kind of busy at the moment but I'll check it out asap!

Thank you for this lovely review, and I would go on for longer but my PM explains it better :)


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Review #14, by teh tarik Periphery

18th June 2013:
Hello there, Kiana :D

Saw you had a new Barty Crouch Jr. oneshot and couldn't resist...even if I should be doing other things right now. Barty is one of my favourite Death Eaters, and he's also a bit of an anomaly when compared to the rest of VOldemort's supporters. He played a crucial role in Voldy's resurrection and return to form, and yet he disappears after the fourth book and is never heard of again (though, of course, we can understand why...Dementor's kiss etc.). Hardly even mentioned. I've always wanted to write him but never really tried.

Anyway, this is a wonderful story! You've pretty much covered the whole of Barty's miserable life, starting with his miserable childhood, when he was ignored by his father and starved of affection, to his miserable teenage years being jeered by the Slytherins, and even in the later years, he's never really accepted by them probably because of his father's reputation, to his miserable adult years being forced to commit such horrible crimes int he name of the Dark Lord. All because of his father's rejection of him. That's a key aspect of his characterisation, and I'm so pleased to see how well you've encapsulated this. It's terribly tragic, because the problem is such a simple one; if only Barty Sr. had noticed his son a little, shown a little kindness...that being said, Barty Jr. himself isn't completely free of blame either. After all, he chose to go down this path, and I think this may be partly a rebellion against his father's beliefs and ways.

And oh, second person POV narration! I like this narrative style a lot, and I think it works wonderfully here in your fic; the style enables a sense of closeness to Barty Jr.'s frame of mind/thoughts/emotions; it makes him more accessible, certainly more vulnerable in a way we haven't seen - not in GoF, at least.

That final climactic moment when Barty goes all out to plead for his life, for his father to save him in front of the wizarding world was so shocking. I mean, we already know what happened, but the way you wrote it was so grim and bleak.

You notice your mother in the crowds, tears pouring down her cheeks like they are beginning to do so on yours. You scream at her, plead with her. She will help you; help you win your father back. She gives you a weak smile before casting her eyes down to the ground.

He doesn't even look at you. His head kept down at the sheet he's reading off. Occasionally, he'll glance to the crowds.


Your use of language was sparse and rather austere, which really reflects the nature of Barty's sentence and ultimate fate. Also, it's a stark contrast to his weeping, screaming state of desperation. Gaahhh.

Anyway, this was an incredibly well-written oneshot, Kiana! A very insightful yet horrifying examination of the life of a Death Eater. Lovely writing ♡

teh

Author's Response: Hi teh and thank you for this wonderful surprise! ♥ (thanks for telling me how to do that by the way, it's a lot more fun to leave reviews now :D)

Pff, I always think of leaving reviews as productive procastination, so don't worry about it! I never really thought of Barty much before I was given him in a challenge. I think it's, like you said, he just disappears in the fourth book. I know he's not dead, but I always viewed him as that. You're making me wonder what happened to his body now! You should definitely write him though, because it was a lot of fun to do so in this one-shot!

I'm really glad that you liked it! I couldn't chose a specific point in his life to write about, because each time I tried to do so it always led to me wondering why he chose to become a Death Eater and the only way I could find out was showing his entire life, hence it being like this :P I'm really glad that you liked the emphasis on his father, because JK showed us when writing the HP series how much your parents choices effect your overall lives and it was interesting to explore this specific relationship in more depth, as it litreally meant that Voldemort could come back to life. I'm really glad that you picked up on the fact that Barty just wanted some kindness from his father. The only time his father was nice to him was because of his mother and then Barty was far too gone to appreciate it.

I've never written in second person before, so it's great that you liked it, because it's incredibly different compared to the other ones. I'm glad that you found his vulnerable, as that's how I view and that's what led to him to what he became. Gah his life is so tragic. Well, when you think about everyone's lives in the books were so tragic!

Yay, I'm glad that you found it shocking! I hate writing climatic bits, mainly due to the climax before them, so it's great that you liked it! I'm really glad that you liked the language, as that part gave the most grief out of the whole story so the grief of it paid off in the end!

Thank you so much for this wonderful review, teh. I read it about two hours ago and I'm still similing away at it! Gah, just thanks so much ♥

-Kiana


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