Reading Reviews for When They Fell
44 Reviews Found

Review #1, by crestwood Sea of Bees

3rd July 2014:
Ginny's letter felt manipulative and shady. I wouldn't trust her at all if I was Lily. I'm extremely happy that Nicholas has broken up with Alexis and I hope she leaves the story completely. (Good job making me feel so strongly about her character, even if it's negatively.) Albus is very wrong for giving Annie the ultimatum that he did. He went about that in the entirely wrong way. I am becoming more attached to Annie as a character as we see more of her and she definitely didn't deserve that blackmail. I'm frightened to see what this meeting between Ginny and her kids will be like. I can imagine it'll be great to read. This story is really well written and each scene flows perfectly into the next. I can't believe you're able to organize all the different characters and their plot points and move everything forward with each chapter. This is an absolutely awesome story and I beg you to re-request when you've uploaded another chapter! Thank you for the request and sorry for the lack of criticism, but there just isn't much I could think to give honestly :)

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Review #2, by crestwood The Bones Crew

3rd July 2014:
I hope Teddy doesn't tell Harry what Lily told him. I don't think it would be good for her mental health right now. I really wish Nicholas would just get rid of Alexis already, he clearly cares much more for Lily. I wonder what Ginny said in her letter and I was wondering why she was sending something to Theodore Nott, but then I read the chapter again and realized that he's totally the murderer that Lily saw! Great twist. I'm shocked at what Rose did to Annie, she's basically becoming a villain at this point. I'm upset that Hugo continues to get beat up, but I'm glad that he seems to be getting more comfortable with telling his family. I just hope that everyone he tells decides to support him. Is it bad that I'm glad Lily and Nicholas kissed, even though he has a girlfriend, just because I hate Alexis so much? Probably. I really commend you on finding a way to fit so much into one story. Everyone seems to have something going on here.

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Review #3, by crestwood The End of The Line

3rd July 2014:
Rose's secret was so much worse than I expected it to be. What an amazing reveal! Sleeping with someone in exchange for grades is pretty low. And she teased another secret at the end of that scene as well!

Lily's dream was really vivid and well written. It placed us right back in that moment along with her. Cecelia's letter made me just about as sad as everything she's done so far. As bad as I feel for her, I also laugh at her little misunderstandings like the hose thing haha!

Hugo is getting pretty open with people lately! I wonder if he's gearing up to tell everyone. That'd be really bold of him, as he's already getting bullied for it, unfortunately. More amazing writing and juggling between many storylines!

Author's Response: Yay, first I just want to let you know I'm extremely happy you've stuck so far along with this story. I don't think Hugo will tell everyone his secret anytime soon, although there will be a point where he will feel pushed towards it. And Rose, Rose, Rose. she has so many secrets, that will all begin to unravel at some point and that will not be good for her at all.

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Review #4, by crestwood Never Grow Up

3rd July 2014:
I hope Lily and Nicholas get together eventually, after he gets rid of super annoying Alexis. I am really curious as to who attacked Ginny, as well as where she was headed off to after she escapes.

Rose and Scorpius are acting a little childish in my opinion. Especially Scorpius, since he technically is at fault here. I'm glad they are though because it makes for good drama in my opinion.

I'm relieved Hugo told Teddy. Just one more person to talk to about any problems he might be having in the future and that's always good. Ginny just showed back up right at her old front door. Wow. That was unexpected. She's definitely here to cause some trouble. This'll be good.

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Review #5, by crestwood Kiss and Tell

3rd July 2014:
I actually hate Alexis so far, but I get the feeling that I'm supposed to dislike her character. I don't think her and Nicholas are going to last very long either. The Roar idea is really cool, it sounds like the name of a huge party actually.

The letter and the flashback offer more insight into the goings of Ginny after she left the Potter's. That plotline continues to be riveting and fun to read!

Sid is kind of creepy honestly and reminds me of Snape as a child, which is funny, as he's got a crush on Lily. Hugo getting beat up made me really indescribably angry and I definitely guessed that he was going to be gay. I generally picture him as gay in my mind for some reason. I prefer to write him that way myself too.

The Lily and Scorpius thing really surprised me here, I didn't see that happening at all. Rose doesn't seem ready to let it go any time soon. I can't wait to see the drama that'll unfold because of that.

Author's Response: Ginny is most definitely what some would consider a villain in this story, and I didn't even think of the Sid/Snape/Lily thing but I'm glad it worked out haha. But Sid definitely has some surprises in this story, and he might not turn out to be that bad. Lily/Scorpius, it's funny because this was actually going to be the main pairing when I first began writing this story, but then Nicholas wriggled his way in and I decided he would be much better for her, but I still couldn't resist throwing in a bit of Lily/Scorpius, but this was just something to move the plot forward with Rose.

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Review #6, by crestwood Wait for Me

3rd July 2014:
Cecelia continues to break my heart a bit more every time she appears. I guess this is the last of that for a while though, since Nicholas is going off to school. Lorcan and Lysander are hilarious here, their banter is awesome. I was wondering how you'd tie Nicholas into the Potter/Weasley family and apparently it's going to be through Lily.

Teddy seems pretty cool talking with Hugo and Louis on the train. I'm glad he's going to be a teacher because that means we'll get more of him and his interactions with Lily and Hugo.

The flashback was very well done again. You almost could take the prologue, the flashbacks and Ginny's present day adventures and turn them into a story all on their own. They're one of the most compelling parts of the story so far, I can't wait to find out more!

Author's Response: They're all separate stories, but all tied together at the same time, it's all connected. And I'm really glad you though the flashbacks were well done I have a really horrible time trying to write those, so I'm glad you thought them well done.

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Review #7, by crestwood Come and Go

3rd July 2014:
I'm going to go through and comment on each section of this chapter, because there's important events across the board.

The scenes between Cecelia and Nicholas were really sweet, but had some pretty depressing undertones. If I read it correctly, Cecelia is a squib and Nicholas hasn't come to terms with that. And he feels terribly guilty about leaving her at home when goes to school because their home life is anything but perfect. Really intriguing new characters.

Scorpius seems a little touchy about things here. He kind of storms out over a fairly little thing. I assumed it was just because he knew Rose was in the right. And Rose's cheating is a nice change of pace from the perfect genius we're usually treated to. I'm glad she isn't as smart as people usually write her.

Ginny is back and it seems like people have a very diminished view of her. I can imagine why, of course, as she abandoned her family. And not just any family, but the Potter's. The treatment of her seemed pretty spot on. The flashback was poignant and a nice touch in the chapter in which she returns to the present narrative.

Cecelia really made me upset there with her conversation about being left alone by Nicholas. Lily's really obviously scarred by what she saw and I really hope she tells someone about it before she ends up as unstable as her mother has proven to be.

You're good at making me feel deeply for a number of fictional characters, all at once. Great chapter!

Author's Response: I'm glad this was actually my first attempt at writing an angsty story so I'm glad it worked. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to have a favourite character, because I should love them all equally :P. But in all honesty Nicholas is absolutely my favourite.

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Review #8, by crestwood Play With Fire

3rd July 2014:
As much as I think Lily's reaction to not becoming a prefect was completely ridiculous, it makes total sense at the same time. On the surface, it isn't a big deal, but the way she describes Harry's subtle disappointment honestly does sound pretty terrible.

I thought her running away would be the big, important event of this chapter, but then the murder scene happened. I'm very interested in who that man was in relation to the woman he killed, why he cast the Dark Mark so long after Voldemort was killed, and how you managed to nail the mindsets of both a (painfully) dying woman and a mentally traumatized witness to murder in the course of one chapter. I'm fully in awe at this point.

Author's Response: I'm glad you like this :) and kept reading thank you. And yes this is a very important part of Ginny's story (the burning woman and all).

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Review #9, by crestwood Prologue

3rd July 2014:
Hey! crestwood from the forums here with your requested review!

Okay, I want to start by letting you know that I adore this story. Like, a lot. I read it all the way through three times before I even began to attempt to write down my thoughts about it because I wanted to properly wrap my mind around this.

The way you skip through time here is unmatched. The disintegration of the Potter household is really creatively shown. Since this is all written, you could have easily just explained that over the years, Harry and Ginny drifted apart, but you approached the idea how a director of a film would. With small visual clues that tie together and inform the audience of what's been happening without directly spelling anything out. I can't think of a better example of "showing" rather than "telling."

You covered all the bases here and just began to touch upon the characterization of everyone here. Beginning the story with Ginny gone is a bold move and it's interesting the way we get to see that effect the three children, as well as Harry. Such an interesting start. This is the kind of story that prompted me to start a review thread in the first place!

Author's Response: Omg wow thank you, I was on holiday for a bit so no internet, but omg I come back and see this and wow thank you, and funny how you mention director because I actually want to be a screenwriter.

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Review #10, by ShadowRose Prologue

3rd January 2014:
Hello there! You requested this review, what, back in August? How shameful of me! Sorry for the massive delay!

First, I love the way you've structured this prologue with the parallelism of each section, only modifying a few words to show how things have changed over time. It really ties the whole chapter together, despite it taking place over a span of multiple years. It also makes those little changes stand out that much more - the Potters house gets bigger, they have more children, and both of these things gradually put more and more strain on the relationship. This is especially seen when you compare the first couple of scenes, in which Harry is very affectionate towards Ginny, with some of the later ones, where they only interact to argue with one another. It really helps show the degradation of the relationship, and establish a theme I imagine is going to continue to develop as the story progresses.

This chapter doesn't go into great depths of characterisation - and rightly so, as it's an introductory chapter and most of the emphasis is on the events of the plot instead of character development. What characterisation you do show, however, is fantastic. The characters are portrayed very honestly - nothing is perfect, which is exactly how real life is. You have the arguing Harry and Ginny, the scared Lily and Albus, and the Teddy who's trying to protect these kids when he's hardly anything more than a child himself. Meeting the characters in this way establishes an almost immediate sympathy for them - their lives sure aren't fairytales, and it's very relatable for the reader.

My favourite character you have developed here is definitely Ginny - she's very different from the way she's usually portrayed in post-Hogwarts stories. This life doesn't come as naturally for her as she'd hoped, and it's frustrating. She's not used to not being good at things, and she takes her frustration out on Harry - who, poor guy, hasn't a clue how to handle this new version of Ginny. But you still show that she loves her kids nonetheless, particularly in the scene where she leaves but still comes and tells Lily she loves her, instead of just walking out.

The plot is also an interesting one; I can't remember the last fanfiction I read that started with this much drama. I'm sensing some major tension coming up, what with Ginny leaving and a potential Harry/Ginny divorce. I know the story hasn't been updated in a while, but I definitely would love to see it progress, if you ever get your muse back! It's a very unique story and I can't wait to see how the storyline develops. I think this looked like a Lily-centric story, and it would be really interesting to see how this split affects her - parental splits hardly leave children unmarred - and how it affects her development and character.

I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors offhand; however, there were just a few American-isms... for example, "couch" should be "sofa." That was really the only one that stood out to me; on the whole, it was very well done.

So sorry for the delay in this review, but I really did think this was a fantastic story and I hope you continue it at some point! Feel free to request for the next chapter when a spot becomes available!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

Author's Response: OMG I completely apologise for responding so late. I've been on a fanfiction withdrawal for a long time to focus on school more, but I am back now. Thank you, I'm really glad you liked this, and there is A LOT more drama coming if you like that sort of thing. And thank you, I'll be going back to doing some editing soon, depending on when I start focusing on that story again. Thank you again for reviewing and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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Review #11, by shez Prologue

3rd December 2013:
Hey there! You may not remember but you requested a review from me back in October and here I December. Really, really sorry about. I hope you haven't given up on this story or anything and that I'm able to help. I was just going to review the opening chapter here to give general thoughts and then I'll leave a massive all-encompassing review on the last chapter.

So anyway, the review...

I can't really explain why I like this so much. It's different from what's on the fanfic archives, in that, rather than dressing up the characters (which many authors do and it gets tiresome after a while), you're playing them honest. I really like the opening, the transcendence of time as HArry's family expands. it's a very creative approach to what looks like a very promising story. All the personalities in this chapter and extremely well-executed (I can't decide who I love the best. they're all so believable to their. The way you portray them is very Rowling-esque)

Now for the plot, I forsee some major sadness coming up. The fight and upcoming divorce (right? just a guess) between Harry and Ginny and I'm wondering exactly what this story is about. Is is about a how divorce tears a family apart? Your summary was very abstract. I sense the focus will be on Lily --while creating mystery and suspense is great I recommend giving your story a tad bit more direction in the first chapter. Don't tell them what's going to happen Allude to where you intend to take it. It gives the reader an idea of what to expect and compels them to continue reading.

Your writing style is solid and fantastic to read (again, reminds me of Rowling). No grammar errors. Transitions fantastic.

I'll be back sometime soon with another review :)

Author's Response: Oh thank you :) To be honest I'd completely forgotten I'd requested a review until I'd seen this. I'm glad you like my portrayal of characters and I will go back and do some major editing eventually, I haven't given up on this story, but it is on hiatus for a bit, because adding on to the lack of inspiration I have some stuff going on in the real life. But this story will be completed I promise :).

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Review #12, by marauderfan Play With Fire

16th November 2013:
Hi there! I'm finally here with your requested review, and sorry about the delay. And I'm reviewing this chapter since I've actually read chapter 1, a while ago.

What I like most about this story is how it's both original and ordinary. (and I mean ordinary in the nicest way, I promise - I'll explain :p ) I don't often see stories where Harry and Ginny aren't together anymore. Come to think of it I don't think I've seen any stories like that apart from this one. So it's original in that respect. But what's striking is just the reality of it - unpleasant but ordinary things like family arguments, sibling rivalry, separated parents - that's sometimes how life is, as sad as that is, so I'm glad you went there with your story.

Your characterisations in that sense are very good. I like Hugo. Both Albus and Lily are quite annoying to be honest, but I kind of like that. You are not afraid to write imperfect characters, and it makes them real.

The plot is developing nicely, with something scary like that fire happening early on, that totally took the story in a new direction. I'm definitely interested to read more, and find out the aftermath of what Lily saw and how it affected her decision to keep running away.

So you say you're losing inspiration... well, I've only read two chapters now, but I can tell you already that I like where it is going so far and I hope you are inspired again! Just keep writing. I can't really say where I would like it to go - I think only you can say that, as it's your story and you're writing it because you want to tell that story you have in your mind! ;) So tell the story you want to tell. I like what I've seen so far, and I'm sure I will continue to do so.

Hope that helps get you back into writing this! Great chapter!!

Author's Response: Thank you :) I'm really glad you like this story. I'm glad that you like my imperfect characters ;) I didn't think Albus was that annoying, but I guess he is, but yes all these characters are going to change throughout the story, and I have actually been inspired once again :) so I'm looking forward to putting up the next chapter by the end of the month.

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Review #13, by AlexFan Kiss and Tell

4th October 2013:
Oh snap. Oh snap snap snap snap snap snap. That is literally all that I am able to say at the moment. Just, oh snap.

Everything started out okay and all, normal Hogwarts stuff, albeit with a lot more bullying than I expected. And then everything just blew up and hit the ceiling fan.

I mostly want to talk about the Hugo situation. Since the war ended and there's nothing else to frighten people, it makes sense that bullying would begin to happen, it's in almost every school. I just never expected Hugo to be at one end of it. It's just so strange to picture him at the end of the bullying when usually he's not even involved in it.

You'd think that since he was the kid of two of the saviours of the wizarding world people would try and suck up to him but apparently not. I feel so bad for Hugo though, no one should have to go through bullying and what everyone is putting him through is absolutely horrible. I admire the fact that he hasn't let it get to him all that much.

You go Hugo!

I knew something bad was going to happen in the romance department when I saw the title of the chapter and I was right in my assumption, I just didn't expect Lily to be in the middle of it.

But wow, she really messed up Rose and Scorpius, I get that she was drunk and probably not in her best state of mind but still though. It's pretty much safe to say that the relationship between Rose and Lily is going to be very strained from here on out.

The only thing that I can think to point out is that your pace is a bit fast and your transitions are a bit choppy. You seem to move through scenes rather quickly and I feel like I've barely got time to get into the setting and what's going on before I'm thrown into another one. My suggestion would be to slow down the chapter and smooth out those transitions. It would make the chapter longer but it would also be a lot better to read.

Other than that though, this was really great and I'm excited to keep reading and finding out what's going on with Ginny.

Author's Response: I am so so very sorry for the late response. First off, thank you for the lovely review I look forward to every one of your reviews, because they make my entire day a bit brighter. With this story I kind of wanted to incorporate as many themes of what go on in secondary schools and colleges as I could, but at the same time I wanted it to be unique. I made Hugo the target of bullying, because I kind of wanted to show that it really doesn't matter who you are or what you've done or whom you're friends with, people can be quite cruel regardless. I admit I kind of fell into the cliche of writing a scene kind of like what happened with Rose, Scorpius, and Lily. But that is just a minor detail, and in the scheme of things to where I'm heading with this story quite insignificant. I'm really glad you liked this, and I hope you keep reading because I have quite a lot planned for everyone. And yes everything was quite a bit fast paced, I was a bit rushed as I was typing this out, but I'm going to go back to edit it once I find the time.
Cheers, Naomi

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Review #14, by AlexFan Wait for Me

15th September 2013:
It's been a while since I read this story but it's still as amazing as ever. There's absolutely nothing that I would change about it or comment on that I think you should improve (although there might be people who disagreed with me on that).

I don't know if I've mentioned this before but Lorcan and Lysander have to be my favourite characters in the story so far. The way that they act around each other and the way that they behave and speak is like a copy of Fred and George. In fact, if you hadn't mentioned in the entire story that that was Lorcan and Lysander I probably would've assumed that it had been the twins.

I like how you went into detail about the first day of "school," without making it boring or like it usually ends up being in fanfiction. I got to see what was happening with everyone else and everything that was going on which was nice to see.

I still think that Rose should dump Scorpius because he's just being a jerk. Unless he's got a very good reason for being a jerk, I won't be forgiving him any time soon.

Poor Albus though, unrequited love sucks and it seems that he's found himself the victim of it. It's not often that we see this as the case for one of the Potter boys because they always seem to get the girls so I like that Albus doesn't just get any girl he wants.

I love the whole family dynamic going on here with everyone joking around and teasing each other. Family isn't something that I often see in fanfiction so that was nice to see for me and I greatly enjoyed those parts of the chapter.

And the reason for why Ginny left is still not answered and continues to eat away at me. Although judging by the way that she's acting she still loves Harry and she left more because she had to and because she thought it was for the best and less because she stopped caring about her family and just couldn't take it anymore.

Anyway, another awesomesauce chapter!

Author's Response: Well this is an extremely overdue response and I am so sorry I didn't see this earlier. You review made me smile, it honestly did. I'm really glad you like this story, and all these questions I'm sure you have will all be answered in the coming chapters, but as you know I've only got up to chapter 9 or 10 think since I am so unbelievably slow. But anyways expect an update by Halloween.

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Review #15, by patronus_charm Prologue

6th September 2013:
I’m so sorry this review has taken an age! School has taken over my life these past few days, but here I am!

I really liked the narration style and how you kept on returning to the similar line but with small changes in it. It had a great sense of progression about it and it was rather humorous in a way to see how the family and the house continued to grow. I’ve never seen that used before and the fact that this was the prologue meant that it fitted perfectly and covered such a huge span of time in an interesting way.

Though the numbers in the years were fine, when writing prose it tends to look and sound better if you spell out the number rather than writing it in its numeric form. Like here for example ‘Despite the fact that Mrs Weasley had been knitting since the start of the year to make one for all 24 of them’ it would just sound more sophisticated if you put twenty four. I know it’s a bit of a pain but it’s really worth it.

One thing which I thought was really excellent was your characterisation of Ginny. In all the post-Hogwarts fics I’ve read there seems to be this rose-tinted feel about them here, but what you did with her here was really great. I really loved how being a mother didn’t seem to come naturally to her and how she got angry and annoyed and was close to a break down at time. That, to me, just felt like a much more natural and realistic depiction of motherhood. Then the little tender moments woven in that really reminded the reader why Ginny loved being a mother despite the stress.

The Christmas scene was really great too! The small note about Percy still feeling uncomfortable about being there just made it! ♥ It showed how tension like that never really faded, and made me pity him so much as he must really regret what he did.

The spat between Harry and Ginny was also great because from two such fiery characters you would expect them to argue a lot! Hmm, there does seem to be something to their constant arguing and I really want to know what it is. The children’s comments about it were really age appropriate and I couldn’t help but aw about them and how scared/worried they must be feeling.

This line ‘This is like incest," she laughs.’ Did seem a little strange to me and Teddy’s response was a little creepy :P it might just be me but if you changed it to ‘this is really weird’ it might sound better!

There were a few Americanisms in this chapter, and I thought I would point them out in case you wanted to change them. Obviously it’s up to you but as Brit I couldn’t just leave them there :P ‘plowing onto the couch’ couch = sofa. ‘"Yeah, sure buddy."’ Buddy = mate.’ picket fence ‘ it would sound better just as fence. It was a really good on the whole, it was just those few things which stuck out to me.

The ending was really intriguing and you set up such a great premise for the tensions between Harry and Ginny that I really want to find out what is exactly causing them and whether that cause is one which can be resolved. Overall, I thought this was a really great start to the story and there’s only a fw very minor improvements needed to be made! :)


Author's Response: Ah yay! I'm glad you liked, and I'm actually really happy you included CC because I haven't got much of that and I really needed new ways to improve this. Haha I do need to change the Americanisms, it seems old habits die hard, because I've been living in Scotland for about 3 years. I really do hope you keep reading, and I hope you don't mind terribly if I request another review :)

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Review #16, by Ray The Bones Crew

5th September 2013:
This is by far the best Lily Luna/OC fanfic I've read. I can't wait to see what you've got next!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it :) I'm currently working on the next chapter, so I hope you look forward to that.

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Review #17, by AlexFan Come and Go

27th August 2013:
Usually I hate reading long chapters of stories because I'm not reading them for my own enjoyment but your story is so brilliant so far that I'm excited!

I don't know why but this line, "It was more that she was a little bit possessive… and obsessive… and borderline psychotic…" just made me burst into a fit of laughter and I couldn't stop. The way that I heard it in my head was in the way that someone would admit to crime by adding in details after a small pause.

Oh poor, naive Cee. I couldn't be chuckle at the fact that she thinks her father jumps on the bed with other people. Yes Cee, that's what he does, he jumps on the bed. I feel bad for her when she's older and she realises what that actually is.

On a different note, I'm definitely interested to learn about Nicholas's family. It sounds as if there's a lot of history there, something else that you've added in to keep the reader wondering and reading. I hope I find out more as the story goes on.

I request permission to hit Scorpius in the face. He's a sucky boyfriend is what he is. If I'd been in Rose's place and he'd responded like that to me and my little brother I would've ran after and dumped his sorry butt. Who does he think is!

Rose is just trying to look out for her brother but instead Scorpius overreacts when she's just trying to help out!

What I want to know is what Rose has done because clearly she's done something very wrong what with her thoughts and everything. And what secret did she have to tell Scorpius? What's happened to her?

I'm going to take a stab and say that Rose has been cheating on everything in school, that's the only explanation that I can come up with so feel free to tell me whether I'm hot or cold on that guess.

Oh my God Ginny is back, what happened to her? I need to know what happened to her! By the sounds of it it sounds like she had a drug or alcohol addiction or something. That's not what happened, is it?

No wonder Hannah was being all cold though, she and Neville are probably friends with Harry and I'm betting that they don't like Ginny all that much.

And now to leave an actual review instead of squealing about this chapter (I completely forgot I was supposed to be giving criticism but there's not much to give).

Anyway, the writing was as perfect as ever, you've introduced some new characters and hinted at backstory's that I'm interested in knowing about and you've definitely upped the mystery on the story. You keep the reader wanting more and your chapter's interesting by introducing new characters and other things.

As always, I enjoyed this story very much!

Author's Response: I am sooo glad you liked this :D. Sorry for responding so late school has been stressing me out very much, and I don't get enough time to do anything. Yes Rose has been cheating on things at school, but there's more. With Ginny you'll just have to keep reading to find out. I'm glad you like how I introduced new characters and that I can keep them all in check :) thanks for the lovely review.

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Review #18, by AlmostInvisible  The Bones Crew

24th August 2013:
I can tell that you put a lot of work into this, because it is obviously well planned and thought out. Plus, it is really quite great. This fic is different from most of them, and it really is an angst without all the unecessary cliches. I like this, please don't give up or anything, you have something special here.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading this :) I feel really bad, because I didn't really plan this out at all, I just write each chapter as it goes, but I did put a lot of thought into it if that counts for anything. Don't worry, I don't plan on giving up anytime soon. Thanks for the lovely review.

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Review #19, by blackballet Prologue

23rd August 2013:
Wow. I am here for your requested review, and stories like this is why I have it!

I think I've really stumbled upon something great. I like how Harry and Ginny aren't in love anymore, argue about things, and I feel bad saying it, but I'm glad they're splitting up in this. I think it will give Lily more depth as a character.

I like how you've spaced things out by time, although you might want to make the time changes a bit more clear with line breaks. Just a suggestion!

It's also very nice that you left off the end of that chapter with Lily thinking because that will lead into her being the main character. It was perfect! I hope we get to see equally Ginny as much as we do Harry if they are prominent in this story. I already have ideas about how this will go, and I'll be going to bed thinking about it!

The only thing I wasn't so sure about was having so many characters introduced in the first chapter. It can get a bit confusing, but that's coming from someone who doesn't know next generation as well as she should!

I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes, so kudos for that.

Thank you for writing so well,

Author's Response: I'm so sorry for taking so long to respond to this review. I was so busy, I did not have time. I'm really glad you you think my story has the potential to be really great.Thank you for the lovely review, even though my response was quite rushed and I hope you don't think too badly of me. :)

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Review #20, by AlexFan Play With Fire

22nd August 2013:

Moving onto the actual review.

You've made Lily a very realistic character and I think you've got the whole sibling thing down. Obviously she and Albus fight with each other a lot and they probably want to beat each other up half of the time but I'm thinking that deep down (deep deep deep down) they still care about each other.

I can relate to her reaction to not getting Prefect and dreading giving her family the news as it's something that I've felt myself from time to time.

Her reaction to seeing the death of that woman was also very realistic. It makes perfect sense that she would be in shock and traumatized and unable to move or speak. That being said, I was practically screaming at Lily to get up and be helpful to the Aurors by giving a description.

I also want to know what the spell that she was trying to do was, it sounded like it might've been something to stop the Fiendfyre.

I also don't usually read stories like this because I tend to get bored reading them but I can safely say that this isn't the case. I practically pulled out my hair while reading through this and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have some nail marks on my face for the next couple of days.

The mystery surrounding this though is killing me. I want to know so many things but there aren't answers to them yet. What happened to Ginny?! Where is Lily going? Why has she runaway before? Who is that man and how is that woman who just got burned to death connected to that man? I NEED ANSWERS ASAP!

I can safely say that you are the master of keeping your reader's attention throughout the chapter. I wouldn't've been able to stop reading even if I'd tried. If someone says that they got bored while reading this chapter, they're lying. It's impossible to get bored while reading this.

Your description though of everything going on though was brilliant but at the same time it's scared me. You've managed to give me a clear picture in my head of everything going on, I can see it clearly and I could even hear the screams. I'm covered in goosebumps and I can't stop shivering.

Good God this was brilliant and I bow down to you and your powers of writing so brilliantly. Come back and request again if you want, I would be more than happy to review chapter 3 of this story!

infinity out of 10

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked this. This is the first time I've ever written a mystery story so I'm glad you thought I did well. I can't answer the questions in the review as that would take away from the mystery of the story, but keep reading and they will come to you in due time. Thanks again, and I will definitely re-request :)

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Review #21, by Pottergirl7 The Bones Crew

21st August 2013:
Ohmygoodness this was a good chapter. Ginny is still an absolute mystery, Rose has gone absolutely crazy, I feel so sorry for Hugo and I'm seriously happy that Lily and Nicholas are finally kind of not really but maybe almost together. Also I really don't like Alexis. And I'm glad that Lily told someone but honestly what did she expect would happen afterwards? I wonder if Teddy will go behind her back and tell Harry or keep it a secret. And why is Ginny writing to Theodore Nott? The scene with Hugo and the other guys broke my heart, I hope Albus pays them a very painful visit.
I do think that you wrote the Rose goes crazy and beats the stuffing out of Annie scene really well. Rose wasn't too psychotic which was good cause after all, she is only a schoolgirl and Annie wasn't too 'ohmygod this crazy woman is going to kill me, I'm going to die' type of thing, if you get what I mean?
It was a good chapter and I can't wait for the next one!

Author's Response: Thank you! Your review really made me smile. I confess I read over and over again, because this was one of the first reviews on this chapter and it was really sweet and made me smile. I can't answer those questions, because this story is a mystery for a reason, but there will be some light shed upon in the next chapter.

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Review #22, by 800 words of heaven Prologue

16th August 2013:
Hello! Here with your severely delayed review request!

Ooh! I really liked this prologue! It could almost stand by itself, but I'm looking forward to seeing where you'll go with this.

I loved seeing the Potter family grow and change through the years. It was very real and rather heartbreaking, but I guess life's like that. If the aim was to tell the story of a family drama in the prologue, I think you've done a wonderful job!

I love the characterisation so far! I'm looking forward to seeing where you’ll take Teddy, especially, because it was just so nice to see him grow up from a little boy into a teenager. The Potter kids' stories will also be interesting, I think, and I'm excited to read them. And then, of course, there's Harry and Ginny. It'll be interesting to see where you take them as individuals as well as their relationship.

You asked me to be as critical as I could, but because this was the prologue, and I'm a bit better at tearing plots apart, I'm sorry I can't really help you in that area. I think this is a really strong start to what could be a great drama!

Thanks for requesting! Hope to hear from you soon!

Author's Response: Thank you :) I'm glad you liked it. I've always loved angsty fic's, so I'm glad that you liked how I wrote the unraveling of the Potter's family structure. I'll be sure to re-request, if that's all right. Thanks again for reading.

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Review #23, by Lady of Tears Prologue

15th August 2013:
Well, well, I think this is a pretty brilliant opening!

You used quite a few literary devices to your advantage. I especially liked the way you handled the passage of time, with the description of the house and the people.

I felt so sad for Harry and Ginny, but it was definitely intriguing and something different. I thought you did a good job with characterization as well. Teddy was my favorite.

I don't have any main critiques, except for a hope that we'll get a closer look into just what happened between Harry and Ginny. It's such a dramatic thing so different from canon that I finished with a strong desire to understand why.

Thanks for requesting a review! I enjoyed this very much!

-Lady of Tears

Author's Response: I'm so sorry for responding so late, you must think I'm a really horrible person. I've honestly just had a lot on my plate. I'm really glad you like this story, and I'm glad you have a strong desire to read on and find out, it made my day, really :) Plus I don't really like writing cliches, so I'm glad you found this shockingly different.

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Review #24, by Jchrissy Prologue

7th August 2013:
Hi there!

Wow, what a start! I get really intrigued when a writer shows the more complex sides of a marriage. There are so many happy couples in the HP series, and we usually see the best snapshots of them. I really liked that you did the opposite, and showed their snapshots as they spiraled down. Not at their best moments, but at some of their painfully, and probably most realistic, ones.

Each argument you chose to show felt genuine. Ginny's on edge a lot, understandable with how crazy their lives must be, and it doesn't feel like they've worked out how to cope with one another when they are in the middle of the stressed out times.

I also liked that you didn't stick to one character for the little glimpse's. I was a bit confused about what was going on with Victoire and Teddy's and how that related, then James came out ready to play and it tied in perfectly. Teddy seemed to take the part of uncle. Older, not a sibling enough to fight like siblings, and wiser. I think it was an awesome position for him, not removed from the family but also not in the middle of the heat. It made for a really great person to see some of it from!

The end had such a sad feeling to it, and I just wanted to cuddle Lily up. It definitely got the reader hooked and ready to continue on to find out if Ginny is up and leaving, going to file for divorce, and what's going to happen from here.

Awesome start!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you like this. I'm also glad you liked the characters, because I tried to make them as realistic as possible. I hope you enjoy this story and keep reading :).

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Review #25, by AlexFan Prologue

6th August 2013:
What, what is this!? I did not expect this when I started reading this! I'm barely into the story and I'm already having problems with feels! Harry and Ginny can't be getting a divorce, they just can't.

Ginny better not be leaving either, this is like a kick in the Hinny feels.

I haven't read a story about Harry and Ginny before and what it was like for them when they were married, this is my very first one. It's only the first chapter and you've already caught my attention and made me want to read more.

I love how you showed that being married isn't easy and neither is raising children. It was very realistic and believable.

Your transitions were smooth and kept the flow of the story from getting choppy. It was one of the things that I noticed but for good reasons, not bad.

I think you got the characters spot on. Ginny is the firecracker and I can imagine her getting annoyed and angry with Harry simply because one of their kids got injured. To be perfectly fair though, he wasn't there so it's not like he could exactly keep an eye on James and make sure that he didn't get in trouble. Ginny wasn't there to watch James either but Harry isn't yelling at her and blaming her for what happened.

You've made Harry sound older but you can still see some of his boyishness in him.

I don't even know if I'm making sense anymore, I'm just rambling and gushing and trying to squeeze in CC at the same time.

I'm sorry but it's just that I absolutely loved this first chapter and I can't stop myself from squeeing over it!

Author's Response: Yay thank you, I'm glad you liked this. Also I was having a terrible day, so seeing your review really brought a smile to my face. I really do hope you keep reading, and I hope you don't mind terribly if i re-request a review.

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