Reading Reviews for Say Goodnight, Little Wights
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by broadwaykat The Master

10th August 2013:
I think it was interesting to start this chapter off differently than the last one - Whereas the last one set up the idea of a story being told, this jumped into it right off the bat, with no distinction. It...was a little confusing at first. Just to put that in mind.

I do like what you're setting up though - bringing Harry And the Weasley's into this by bringing in the estrangement plot. The only thing I'm worried about is the start of some Weasley bashing. I can understand it in a story like this, but...still. I hope in some way they will be redeemed, if only because you have the Ron and Luna couple to establish - will they make an appearance now that Harry/Ginny was also established in the story and in the 'real world'.

Overall...the only thing that threw me out of this chapter was that, other than starting a bit differently than the last one, it felt a little rushed. Like you were passing over events that were happening over a few months in the matter of a few sentences. There's no problem with that - but with the first chapter, it seemed to set up taking more time with the development of the storytelling - Hermione and Draco's story was essentially set up in a night - or half a night. Then, in this chapter - the next day occured and - next thing you know we've gone through several more successful nights and we're on to a thriving business. You introduced the idea of Harry being the one to send the elves...It might have been interesting to see that part of the story within the story developed a little more. Like, is/does Ginny find out what Harry is doing? Does Ron? And where is/will be Luna?

Author's Response: I know this is a little confusing. And the way I started this chapter is confusing. Frankly, I was a little confused when I first wrote this down. But as you might know, there's more to the bedtime story than just simply a story. It IS rushed, and its done intentionally. Not because I want to finish this in some chapters but I have to set the Elves and the Shoemaker story first before I go in depth with the canon characters in the fantasy world. The purpose of this chapter after all is to introduce Harry more than anything. And I know the Weasley bashing can be hard for those who loves canon very much, but I have good explanation for that. I can certainly say that it really is logical. I'm trying to put different styles in this story after all.

And with regards to the other character, they'll have their exposure soon enough. I'm actually being really slow if you think about it because I'm introducing characters one-by-one. The events maybe rushed but I can assure you that there will be some more elaboration as the story goes.


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Review #2, by magnolia_magic The Little Wights

30th June 2013:
Hi Elaine (can I call you Elaine?) It's Maggie from the forums again! Can I start by apologizing PROFUSELY for being so late? I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting! But here I am, and I really enjoyed this cute oneshot :)

My theory is that Lyra and Leo are Draco and Hermione's kids as well as Scorpius, and Rose and Hugo belong to Ron and Luna. It doesn't seem to matter in this story, but I just thought I'd share and see if I'm right :)

The bedtime story itself was very cute, and I thought it was really well-done. I like that you blended fantasy elements with something of the couple's "real" story (such as Draco being of a long line of purebloods, and falling in love with a Muggleborn.) It makes for a really interesting mix of the fairy-tale and the down-to-earth. Such a creative idea!

I wouldn't worry about anyone being OOC. I know that was a concern you mentioned in your request, but I didn't see anything glaring. Since most of your characters are ones we don't know from canon, you've got free reign. And as for Hermione and Draco, since they're in that "story within a story" you've got wiggle room there too. I personally liked the bit about Hermione working in the library; that was a great way to make her IN character, despite the fantasy setting. So basically, that was a roundabout way of saying that I like the characters in this, and that you don't have to worry about OOC-ness :)

My main bit of concrit is to suggest a beta, or that you go back through and look at some grammar issues throughout the story. There are moments when the subject-verb agreement is off, misplaced commas here and there; little things like that. Polishing them up would add a lot to the story, I think.

I think this story's biggest strength is its dialogue, especially when the Grangers are speaking to their grandchildren. You do an excellent job of capturing this loving family, and I can see how proud the Grangers are of their grandkids with every word. The line where Jean reminds Lily of her "listening ears" is a perfect example: it's SO cute, just what an indulgent grandparent would say to their little girl :)

I enjoyed this a lot! It was so precious, and it made me smile :) Thanks for requesting, and again, I'm so sorry to have taken this long. Keep up the good work!

--Maggie

Author's Response: Elaine is alright. ^_^ Many people call me that! and better late than never. I'll have to say that I sighed some relief when you told me that it isn't very ooc. I'm just not comfortable writing OOC, its my biggest pet peeve. :)

Thank you for accounting those strengths. I love writing the Grangers and its refreshing to write this one. :) I'm trying to find a beta but I'm not getting one yet. I really want to make this one better because this is really fun to write. Thank you once again. :)

And you're right, Leo, Lyra and Scorpius are Draco and Hermione's children and Rose and Hugo are Ron and Luna's. :)


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Review #3, by broadwaykat The Little Wights

19th June 2013:
I guess I'll start off with this, even though it might get me crucified; I'm not exactly a fan of the Hermione/Draco pairing. That being said, so far I think this story is doing a good job of making them a viable couple in the context of the 'fantasy' story.

For one, at first I was reading along and thinking 'why is Draco working as a shoemaker' - but you explained that away pretty good, and I actually found myself enjoying those explanations. I look forwards to possibly seeing a little more of Draco and Hermione's actual interactions in the 'real world' section of the story - even if it's a hint.

I must say you're quite good at banter between Jean and Richard, as well as Winky and Dobby, and even Jean and Lily. Everyone seems to have a proper place, and isn't too much out of character.

Also, it's a very easy read - you come in right in the middle of action and yet it's not like we've left out of much of the loop. You have a strong sense of place, with both of the stories.

That being said, if I might be a little nit-picky...since this is a different second-generation timeline, who's kids are what? I made the assumption while reading that Ginny/Harry have James, Albus and Lily...but with the Luna/Ron and Draco/Hermione pairing, who's is who's. I'm assuming Scorpius is D/H's...but is Rose and Hugo as well? And is Leo and Lyra R/L's? That might get clarified in later chapters, but.I figured I'd ask anyways.

Also; um, just something I noticed. Most of the story is perfectly fine with it's wording, so it was easier to spot where there was a bit of a hiccup, which I'll point out here:

Although she was a free elf now- which was something she sometimes think as her ultimate punishment- Winky worried that every wrong move must be punished physically.

The tense here is a little off - in the "Which was something she sometimes think as..." It would probably sound a bit cleaner if you substituted Think with thought. Yes, it's usually a past tense word, but in this case, while she still can 'think' it, in the structure of the sentence I think thought would be a better fit grammatically.

That being said - this was really enjoyable! I look forward to the future chapters!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm really glad that somehow its believable considering the fantasy world. I'm thinking of the "real" world interaction yes, and let's hope I can figure out how to put that one it. :)

And I'm not very good in writing second gen. As much as possible, I don't write them at all. Or if I do, they're older, wiser. But its fun writing Lily. She's very sweet in my mind and I love writing her. I'm totally glad that this worked for you.

And I was sure you'd notice that hiccup. I'm in the process of finding a beta reader, or editing it out myself. But I'm super lazy right now. Haha. I'll get to that soon. I'll be back sooner than you might think. :D Thanks!


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Review #4, by MissesWeasley123 The Little Wights

12th June 2013:
So the pair of feet must belong to: Draco, Hermione, Ron, Harry, Ginny, and...???
I loved this story, and cannot wait for the next, I'm a hardcore dramione shipper so... ;)

Author's Response: Ron and Luna, dear. :) I'm a hardcore Dramione shipper too. :) Thank you for the review! :)

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