Reading Reviews for Radio War
  
31 Reviews Found

Review #1, by free elf 25 Did I tell you I hate Surprises

9th March 2014:
Update? *puppy dog eyes* Pleeaasee?

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Review #2, by Phoenix Quill I, Ciara Jordan

1st February 2014:
Hey s2rocks, it's me, Phoenix Quill! Sorry it took so long to get these reviews to you, and since you didn't specify, I picked a random story of yours, and this was it.
And boy am I glad it was this one.
I really like the idea behind the story so far - a girl struggling to achieve her dream works in a job with a creep, and is lining up a big interview. I also liked how you showed us a bit of background into her Hogwarts life.
There are a few errors scattered around, but nothing too major, except for one "hsi" around the middle.
Overall, an enjoyable read, and I can't wait to see what happens in later chapters!
Cheers, Phoenix Quill :D

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Review #3, by SilentConfession I, Ciara Jordan

11th December 2013:
Hi, just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for this late response to your requested review! I took a bit of a break from these, which wasn't massively fair to those requesting. Anyway, I am sorry, but it's better late than never, right?

Right, so I thought this was an interesting start. I like how you tried to get us to understand and know your main character. She seems like a bubbly, likeable character so that's always nice. She also seems to be a good mix of her parents and has a nice slice of sarcasm that spices up her characterization. It's a little early to really comment too much on her characterization as it is the first chapter. You have given us some helpful hints so far though. The only thing i would suggest is to keep her rounded and to add in some faults and weaknesses she has as the story continues. Also, it would be best to show these weaknesses, not just tell them. There were times throughout this chapter I felt this was being told more things than being shown through her actions. It would make the story feel more active if we learned what she looked like by way of actions rather than a blocky paragraph about it for example. Or, if we saw her sarcasm rather than being told she was sarcastic at the Quidditch matches at school.

I like that you put some background information here. We have a good idea of where she came from and what she was like at school. We also are understanding her motivation to be a Healer instead of a Quidditch junkie. That's a really interesting twist and makes your story really lovely as it makes her seem dynamic. However, i did feel there was information overload here and it was really hard to keep all the facts straight in my head. It's okay to leave some background information out in the first chapter and let us keep guessing. It'll also help readers click the next chapter button because they want to know more. Speaking of that, there was a lot of characters introduced and i'm interested to see how they each play a roll and how you're going to handle them. It can be hard to deal with a massive list of people.

I don't typically comment too much on grammar, but there were quite a few issues in this chapter with missing words, articles, and commas. It made the flow of this chapter fairly clunky and it would definitely help if you went through this chapter and cleaned that up. Think of it as a first impression and you want people to keep getting to know the story as you move on so you would dress this chapter up and make it as perfect as you possibly can. Have you tried a beta?

Anyway, enough CC for the moment. The story has an interesting premise and I think that you have some good characters to work with. I like how Ciara is a hardworking and strong woman and that helps me really connect with her. She doesn't seem like the person to fluff about so she is a good voice to carry this story forward. I hope you found this review helpful.

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Review #4, by hplover22 Did I tell you I hate Surprises

25th November 2013:
The ending was the best ever. The chapter couldn't have ended any better, it was perfect. I love this story and Ciara. And James' personality makes it all even better. Update soon!

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Review #5, by Loop The Weasleys

17th November 2013:
HI!
GREAT CHAPTER! LOVING THE WOTTER FAMILY!

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER IS THE BEST!

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Review #6, by accioronald Did I tell you I hate Surprises

15th November 2013:
I LOVE THIS STORY! you are such a good writer! whens the next chapter coming out?

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Review #7, by RosemaryP Did I tell you I hate Surprises

13th November 2013:
This is really good! I love it so much, its probably one of the best fan fictions I've ever read! Keep updating fast!

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Review #8, by TheWizardingPorcupine Did I tell you I hate Surprises

11th November 2013:
Oh. My. Frickin. God. SO GOOD!
Plz plz PLZ update soon!

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Review #9, by Haley Did I tell you I hate Surprises

10th November 2013:
OMG I LOVE THIS CHAPTER I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE

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Review #10, by lux Did I tell you I hate Surprises

10th November 2013:
you are my hero. that was amazing!

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Review #11, by thetbomb Did I tell you I hate Surprises

4th November 2013:
awesome. i love it :) just the rite amt of fluff. Maybe if u got an editor for the grammar mistakes. otherwise its really good.:) Look forward to the next chapter

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Review #12, by BBWotter Did I tell you I hate Surprises

3rd November 2013:
She's so awesome omg thank you so much for this chapter, I love it so much! I already knew it was gonna happen but re-reading it was so satisfactory! :) xx

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Review #13, by Sarah Did I tell you I hate Surprises

3rd November 2013:
Hahahahaha !! You're a pure genius !! I laughed my head off !!
Take that James !! You shouldn't mess with Key !!

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Review #14, by willow1 The Weasleys

6th October 2013:
4 words, update now!

Author's Response: Well I have done that, I just hope it doesn't take long to validate.

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Review #15, by Lily's Sidekick The Weasleys

5th October 2013:
You write wonderfully and I like your characters. This is definitely entertaining.

Author's Response: Thanks, I am happy that you liked the characters and the story. Hope you review again :)

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Review #16, by shewhomustnotbenamed_ The Weasleys

4th October 2013:
AHHH IT'S SO GOOD! I love this story, I got so excited when I saw you had updated!! and eeep I can't wait for them to meet face to face! thank you for your brilliance, I'm excitedly looking forward to the next chapter, please update soon!!! :))

Author's Response: Thanks, I have posted the chapter just waiting for the validation.
It took me time to update, I had my exams but now I am done with them so there will be quicker updation.


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Review #17, by harrypotterwriter3 I, Ciara Jordan

28th August 2013:
I love this chapter! I'm gonna read the next one now:D

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I am happy that you liked it.
I would love to hear your views if you liked the others too.
:D


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Review #18, by TheRealSkeeter James Potter

28th August 2013:
Yup! This story is really good. In fact, the storyline reminds me of a movie somewhat. But please just update real soon! I don't want to lose track of this story and regular quick updates will be much appreciated :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review:)
I would love to know which movie it remind you of. The next chapter will be up soon, I am trying to update as soon as I could.


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Review #19, by gryfflions James Potter

28th August 2013:
omg, I love this chapter!! I cannot wait to read the next one!!!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :D
I am happy that you loved it and the next chapter will be up soon :)


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Review #20, by BBWotter James Potter

27th August 2013:
I can't WAIT for the next chapter. I remember what happened last time (you know in the other book) and I can't wait to see how you write it :)

Author's Response: Next chapter would be up soon. There will be a little change in it than the other one. Hope you could see the change. ;) Thanks for the review :D

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Review #21, by Courtney The Big Day

20th August 2013:
Well, I think that was pretty arrogant and mean of her to do until she actually did know the circumstances as I do wonder if something happened to him. And especially since she is close to the family and I'm sure they hate the paparazzi and people butting into their personal lives, I assume they won't appreciate one of their close friends airing James' issues like that. Personally I hate the whole celebrity culture and being obsessed with their lives, and if he really is terrible then I suppose he deserves to pay for his actions. I'm interested to see what James is really like and I'm surprised she hasn't met James yet.

Author's Response: The questions you asked are understandable and answers to your question will be given in next two chapters.
Whether he is good or bad, and his reaction is in next chapter.


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Review #22, by Hannah The Big Day

26th July 2013:
What happened to the other version of this story? You know, the one that already had a whole ton of chapters on it? The one that I was waiting for an update from? The one about Key and how James bitches her out in front of his family when they have their meal outside and he technically meets her for the first time and thinks she's smoking hot but then gets pissed when he realizes she's the one who bitched him out over the radio??? WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT???

Author's Response: That was my reaction too, when I found out that the story Love and War was deleted. I was really looking forward to that story and then BAM, it got deleted. I pmed the author through the author through another site and found out, she wasn't able to continue it here due to the mature contents in the next chapters, so she deleted it. I really wanted this story to continue, so asked her permission to rewrite the story and she agreed.

So here it is the same story with few changes.
Hope you look forward to this one as I am sure I would continue it till end. :)


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Review #23, by rozen_maiden The Big Day

24th July 2013:
Hey s2rocks, it's Mahalia here from the forums with your ridiculously late review (I'm real sorry about the delay).
So, I didn't review the first chapter and just went straight onto reading the second, just in case I pointed out things that were answered in this one (good thing I did to, this cleared up a fair bit).

First I'm going to talk about your OC, because she is pretty awesome. You've incorperated both aspects of her parents really well - she has the sense of humour of Lee Jordan, and though we never knew much about Alicia, I always pictured her as quite entitled and sensible in the books (not in a bad way). Ciara's attitude really encomapsses these two characters traits. Her sense of humour is also quite wicked - her sarcasm and wit are really enjoyable to read.

As for the plot, there were some things I found a little inconsistent - mainly the mobile phones. I know it's really hard because they are so handy to use concerning character communication, but I just couldn't picture wizards using them. The Potter's makes fair sense, if you highlighted that they had them for 'effective communication', or something of the like, but I found it hard to believe that Scorpius Malfoy would know how to answer a phone. Unless you explain why he knows, I don't think Draco Malfoy would ever have his son interact with a Muggle contraption like that, if you get me. As a suggestion, I think if you had Scorpius answer incorrectly (like shouting at the phone or pressing all the buttons on there, so all Ciara can hear is beeping), it would be a little more believable, and effectively explain that the Potter's and Ciara herself have really gone out of their way to learn how to use a phone.

The story itself is a great read. It's light-hearted and Ciara keeps you guessing what is going to happen next. It will be really interesting to see where you take her with James after what she said. You've done a real good job :)

-Mahalia

Author's Response: Thanks for the review (don't, it's not too late :)

I really loved the idea of a radio host, when I read about it and really wanted to try something that out. Ciara Jordan is a complete mixture of Jordan and Alicia that I have tried to describe in the story.

She is a prankster, troublemaker but she is studious too, that's why she was head girl. I thought of Alicia as smart and sensible because handling Lee Jordan, needs some good efforts like Angelina.

I wanted to show that after the war, the acceptance of muggleborn would have increased, which might have led to introduction of muggle technologies in the wizardry world. How Ciara is so familiar to them, is said as she told the caller that her best friend's mum was muggleborn and she might have learned a thing or two.

I really thankful that you liked the story and find it interesting. It will be more interesting in the next chapters, I hope that.

Hope you review again.


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Review #24, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The Big Day

24th July 2013:
Hi, Elphaba back again!

As with the first chapter, some of the muggle elements you include - like mobile phones - just don't it with the wizard world. Instead of using the phone, Amy could show up in Ciara's flue, or send her a howler. Other muggle elements, like visiting the muggle coffee shop, work just fine.
I like Ciara's commentary about muggle technology that comes later on in the chapter, I just don't know that enough wizards would be able to use cell phones in order to make having them useful - I keep thinking of Ron referring to the "fellytone" in the books.

Ciara's on-air rant about Pitter letting everyone done by not showing up for his interview is pretty funny. Also, big thumbs-up for referencing Umbitch. :)

This chapter raises a lot of questions. So where was James during the interview? And why did he miss it? Does he have a good excuse? How will their families react? And how will he react?

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

I wanted to show that after the war, prejudices against muggles should have decreased and that is, what I have tried to show. I have tried to describe that wizards are adjusting to the muggle technology which is really advance and I think it's time the wizardary world advances itself too.

I know Ron used to say fellytone but don't forget he married Hermione, I think she is capable of making him learn the muggle things. Don't forget in epilogue, he was driving a car.

I liked the rant myself. I think it's really good but somewhat stupid of her, to say something like this about a big celebrity. This will have consequences too.

There are lot of questions and they will be answered in the next two chapters.

Hope you review again :)


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Review #25, by marauderfan The Big Day

24th July 2013:
Hello :) marauderfan here with your requested review!

This was an interesting chapter! What a stressful day for Ciara to have, worrying about the interview and then the interviewee not showing up! I'm beginning to understand Ciara's personality more, as I can see how she reacts to stressful situations. Also, I like that you're incorporating muggle technology into the wizarding world - it makes sense that after enough time, wizards have to adapt to the times and get a magic version of phones. After all they've done that before with the wireless.

Since you said you've already got a beta, I won't mention the grammar and instead I'll point out some other things. The flashback was a nice idea to show Clara's first day, but I'm not sure how well it really fits in that spot. The transition into the flashback feels rather clumsy. Maybe you could put it at the beginning of the chapter instead, showing Ciara's thoughts about her first day, and then something like "today was an equally big day" and then into the main part of the chapter.

Also, regarding the flashback, I think it'd be nice to show some of Ciara's emotions in there, since it's such a big deal for her. All we really see is her yelling at the caller, and I wasn't sure why. Maybe show what Ciara is thinking while on the air, the caller makes her nervous, etc.

Lastly, in the final line it says that Ciara would never have met James if she hadn't agreed to the interview. But earlier in the chapter you said that she had always been close with the Potter/Weasley family. If that's the case, wouldn't she probably have met James beforehand? Or when they were at Hogwarts together (not in the same year I realise, but they would have been at school at the same time). Just something to think about...

Ok, that CC got a little long-winded! I hope it helps, I'm really not trying to be mean! Good work on this chapter :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review

I wanted to show how Ciara actually reacts and act when she is under pressure and the interview was a big opportunity and if the guest is not present, I think it would freak anyone out.

I think it is about time that wizards adopt some muggle technologies and advance themselves.

Thanks for the suggestion about the flashback, I will see what I can do.

What I mean, is that she has never been officially or should I say very familiar with him. Ciara was shy first but as she is from a small family, a big family like Weasley freaked her out and it took her a lot to adjust.

We must remember that James is three year elder than her and he was in NEWTS year when she was just in fourth. So, he played for the Gryffindor team while she was just a normal, not so famous student.

Thanks for the help and suggestions.


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