Reading Reviews for Inside the Walls
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by academica Welcome Back

7th August 2013:
Hey, I'm here for the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

This is a cute start to your story. I'm having some true imagining how it could go from this to being more depressing, except that we all know what eventually happens to Lily, James and their friends :(

Your characterization definitely differs from what I usually do with the Marauders and Lily, but it's refreshing to read someone else's interpretation. For example, I liked that Lily wasn't Miss Perfect; it implies that she sort of earned the respect of her peers and teachers over time, given that they all had such glowing things to say about her after she died. It was also nice that she wasn't all up in James's face right from the get-go, and that her friends all clearly had distinct personalities. Finally, it was nice to see lots of details about the first day of classes written in this chapter, since classes aren't usually a big focus of Marauder stories (and they definitely should be).

I did notice a few typos here and there, but nothing major--just a couple of words or commas missing.

Hopefully you get a chance to develop your characters a little more as the story goes on and gets to be more serious. The humor is great, especially for grabbing the reader's attention, but I feel like it makes your characters seem a little superficial for right now. Hopefully I can come back later on and get to know them a bit better :)

Nice work!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey there Amanda!

I've got quite a few things planned for this story that will make it more depressing. I feel almost evil for what I'm planning to do to all of these characters.

I've never really understood why Lily was always up in James' face from the very start of a story, I didn't really want to start everything off with them fighting.

You're right, classes are usually pushed to the back of fanfictions and not really focused on, it's usually all about the drama surrounding everyone's social lives. I hope I can keep the classes in the fanfiction as I go on, I don't want to leave them out.

I'll get to fixing those missing words and commas as soon as I can, thanks for pointing them out!

I hope you do come back later on in the story and leave some more of your thoughts.

Thanks so much for your feedback!


 Report Review

Review #2, by LittleLionGirl Welcome Back

6th August 2013:
Hello again AlexFan! Always a pleasure :) I really like how you put yourself in each character just a little bit as it always adds some humor into everything. Not much of a Jily fan at all but I'll give yours a shot :)
XOXOXOXOXOXO,
LLG

Author's Response: Hey there LittleLionGirl! Nice to see you again! How did you figure out that I put a little bit of myself in my characters! I bet it was the sarcasm wasn't it? Heh heh, not a Jily fan!? C'est impossible! Just kidding, it's totally okay if you're not a huge fan of theirs, I feel flattered though that you're giving them a shot in my story!

Thanks for reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #3, by RavenclawGirl11 Welcome Back

6th August 2013:
So hello! I'm True_Ravenclaw from the forums. I'm taking part in the Team Bronze/Blue Ravenclaw and you were the last post!

First of all, I'd like to say how brilliant of a first chapter this! It's the correct length, and includes dialogue between Lily, her friends, Remus, Sirius and James! That's quite a lot for one chapter. Also, I'm interested in Amos, and what happens in the next chapter, which, by the way, I will continue reading.

The hippogriff dung bit at the end is incredibly well written, and was the perfect ending. It has a clear ending, with humour, sarcasm and James and Sirius!

I like the majority of the chapter, however I think you could add more description HOW they say things. Don't get me wrong, I think you got the personalities spot on, but, they could have, "My voice getting more frustrated and irriated as Remus continued to talk" etc..

Good start, and I'm curious how you take this!
~ Macy ;P

Author's Response: HEY THERE! I hope you're having fun with the review battle, I certainly am but it's a bit difficult to keep track of everything because I'm not on all the time like everyone else.

I was a bit worried that the chapter was too short because everyone else's is usually really long. I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter even though I still haven't planned it out yet. I'm hoping to get to it soon. I'm also very happy to hear that you'll continue reading!

It took me a while to come up with that ending, I didn't know how to end but I had to make sure that it was memorable and so the Hippogriff dung happened!

I totally know what you're talking about, that's become something that I need to work on and thank you for pointing it out, I'll be sure to keep an eye out for in future chapters.

Thanks so much for the lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #4, by Harry and Ginny Welcome Back

2nd August 2013:
haha loved the ending on this chapter! it was hilarious! overall, I liked reading the chapter and I can't wait to read the next one! btw, you wrote 'Dorcas Meadowes' when it's "Dorcas Meadows"... can't wait to see more interaction between all of them, especially between James and Lily! btw, is this a canon fic? if so, I think that James was Head Boy if I'm not mistaken...^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed the first chapter! Actually, Dorcas's last name really is Meadowes, I searched it up just to make sure that I wasn't going crazy after I read the review.

This is indeed a canon fic but it starts in sixth year instead of seventh so that's why James hasn't been mentioned as Head Boy, that's way along the story (I haven't decided whether I want to end it at sixth year or keep going until the end of the seventh).

Thanks so much for the review!


 Report Review

Review #5, by blackballet Welcome Back

2nd August 2013:
This is a really good first chapter! I like how you skipped past the train nonsense, because that can get a little tedious and boring if not written correctly. I didn't really understand why Mary was staring at Mcgonagall at first, so you might want to clear that up a bit. I think it's nice that Lily isn't perfect in all of her classes, and that Mary is portrayed as the driven, school-obsessed one. It's a nice change of pace. Great job!

Author's Response: Hello again! I was originally going to write the train part but then I thought about how I could make it different and it's been done so many ways there's really no different way to write a train ride. Plus, it would've bored me to have to write it, starting at Hogwarts was much easier.

I'm glad that you like that little change in Lily's character and thanks for reviewing and leaving me feedback!


 Report Review

Review #6, by UnluckyStar57 Welcome Back

4th July 2013:
Hi! I'm here for the B v. B review battle! :D

So, I chose to review this story because I noticed that it didn't have any reviews yet, and I wanted to be the first to tell you how awesome it is! I love the way you've written Lily, all sarcastic and biting, and not TOO much of an academic slave. She seems like an interesting version of herself!

Also, I'm very glad that you haven't introduced James yet. That makes for more of a build-up to the actual event. From this chapter, I can tell that Lily isn't overly fond of James, but I'll only know if she hates him when they meet face-to-face. Is the Amos of "His Royal Pratness" fame the Amos Diggory of later years? It's very interesting to see that Lily actually thinks more people than just James and Sirius are prats!

My favorite bit of characterization, however, had to be Mary MacDonald. I've usually seen her as the plain friend, the boring one, and just kindo f an auxiliary member of the group. In your story, she actually has a voice and a personality, and she isn't just the girl version of Peter Pettigrew. Speaking of him, I hope that he also has a personality when he comes in--but I'm sure that you've got him in mind for something that's more worthy of a Marauder than he usually does in the world of fanfiction. :)

The only mistake I found was this: "then he'd talked to you,..." Well, taken out of context, it actually makes sense, but in the story, it should read "then he'd talk to you." That's the only little blip that I saw, though, so great job!! I love it when stories are grammatically correct! :)

Great first chapter! I hope to see more!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hello! Sorry I'm getting to this so late but I'm finally getting to answer the review!

I would like to say thank you for the comment and that the story has been a little bit lonely. But, anyway, I was hoping to make Lily more than a nerd with a hatred for James Potter.

Naturally, she isn't overly fond of him but I like to think that she toned down on the hazing as the years went by. Amos is indeed the Amos Diggory of later years. I never really understood why Lily only thought that James and Sirius were parts, surely she must've disliked other people in the school.

I haven't read many stories with Mary in them but I do agree that the ones that she is in she ends up fading into the background a bit. There will definitely be lots of Peter in the story and he will most certainly not be wallflower material.

Thanks for pointing out the little blip (I plan on editing everything as soon as possible), I'll make sure to fix it once I have access to a computer and some Internet.

Thanks for reviewing!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login