Reading Reviews for Magpie
  
33 Reviews Found

Review #1, by alicia and anne One for Sorrow

28th August 2014:
Hello! I am here for the review exchange! :D

I must say that I loved your first line, it was so intriguing and definitely worked in getting me hooked! I really want to know who died, how they died, when they died?

Oh no! It's Penelope! I'm glad that Sebastian is there for Verity.

Your descriptions are wonderful and you really got across the pain that she was going through and the numbness and I loved how it fit in with the mood of the weather. And how her magic is being affected by the state that she's in.

Ooo she works at Borgin and Burkes, that's unusual, I love it!


Oh no, Sebastian doesn't seem too happy about her speaking like that. :S I'm not sure I'm liking Sebastian, he's being too cold about certain things and I'm feeling suspicious of him, like he knows more than he's letting on and he cares more about how people would portray him instead of worrying about grieving for his friend.

I hope that she can perform magic again, although I'm hoping that a knight in shining armour comes and saves her and shows her how to be happy again! :P

I really really like this story and I can't wait to read more and see how it develops. An absolutely brilliant start! :D

 Report Review

Review #2, by nott theodore Trouble

14th August 2014:
Hi Jenna! Yay, finally caught up on another one of your amazing stories (which means just about twenty more chapters of others to go, right? :P)

I thought you wrote the opening scene of this chapter really well! It was interesting to read because I think that the reader almost had more knowledge about what was happening than Verity did, since she doesn't really know anything about the Order or what she was doing there with George, only that they're about to get into trouble. She'd have been fine if she'd taken Veritaserum, but George would have ended up spilling all sorts of secrets, which wouldn't have been great! I'm glad that Hestia was there as well to help them out and go and fetch Kingsley and Arthur when she realised who it was that the intruders were, because otherwise Dawlish could have caused an awful lot of trouble for them! It makes the incident fit really well with canon, too; if it had gone further, Harry and the others would have been sure to hear about it, but as it is, I can imagine that the Order would have kept it hidden from them.

You do a great job of portraying some of the more major characters from the series, even if it's only when it comes to small appearances. I thought Arthur in particular fit really well with what we know from the books, and the way that he kind of left the disciplining up to Molly :P Also the slip, when he almost mentioned Percy and then stopped himself from doing, worked really well to remind us of the rift in the family - obviously at this point we know more about it than Verity does, but she's able to pick up on a few things.

I absolutely love the way that you weave so many interesting stories and myths and legends into this story through Verity's interest in them! It's so fascinating to read about all of the different things and wonder how they might apply to her life and what effect they have on her, but also interesting to learn about and imagine!

Okay, I wasn't quite expecting Sebastian and Verity to go on a break so quickly after what had happened, especially when she said that she'd kept the fact that she almost kissed George under wraps, but I did think that something of the sort was on the way. I suppose that something like what happened in the Ministry would be hard to hide in the wizarding world, since a lot of people seem to have all sorts of connections to each other and news must travel fast, so it makes sense that Sebastian overheard it being talked about. Even if Verity says that she didn't consider it a date (I think she did though, a bit!), I felt kind of sorry when I heard that George was disappointed he hadn't been able to impress her like he'd been hoping to! I can understand why they'd go on a break though, and all of the grievances that were aired between them seem reasonable - I don't think it can be blamed on Sebastian solely, or Penelope's death. Both of them are partly to blame and just growing apart as they get older and do different things in their lives, but I think the fact you're showing that makes it much more realistic.

I'm glad that Christian has decided to try and help Verity find out more about what Penelope was doing and what caused her to be killed, but I'm really intrigued about what she could have been involved in! It sounds like it might be an organisation similar to the Order but it's obviously not that, and it's interesting that he physically can't speak about it.

Ugh, Scabior was so creepy when he came into the shop! You captured his character really well from that small glimpse we see of him in the Deathly Hallows. It's quite nice to see that there is a seedier side to the shop, and while Verity normally seems quite comfortable and quite at home with everything there, it's not that easy sometimes.

Hmm, I'm so intrigued about what Penny was doing! I love the way that you've brought the title in, with Magpie - I wonder if Verity will get involved in whatever it is they do? I'm trying to remember if I've heard the name Margaret Macauley before in this story, but I'm looking forward to finding out who she is!

This was another brilliant chapter, Jenna, and I'm looking forward to the next one now! (And hopefully chance to catch up on a few more chapters of your others, too!)

Sian :)

 Report Review

Review #3, by nott theodore Secrets and Mysteries

13th August 2014:
Hi again, dear! (Unfortunately another phone review so plenty of typos in store!)

Ah, I can't believe that Verity didn't even realise the connection between Christian Haynes and Penny at first when the death of her best friend has been playing on her mind so much! It's frustrating but very believable - at least Haynes hadn't realised the connection either so he didn't really have time to prepare himself for the meeting!

Sebastian is kind of annoying at the moment, and I can understand why Verity is getting so frustrated with him. When he was talking about Midas it was so mean, although I love the mythical reference with his name because I think his fortunes will change soon, with,the Weasley twins investments and stuff. I can't blame him entirely, though - I get the feeling that neither Sebastian nor Verity is really that interested in the other person's problems anymore, and I can imagine the relationship will just run its course.

Hmm, the conversation with Christian was really interesting! I can't work out what Penny might,have been involvws in that brought about her murder, so I'm looking forward to finding out. Maybe the people Christian gets in touch with will be trouble for her though?

I loved the frustration with Judah that's coming through in this chapter too because I,can imagine that prompting the move to the joke shop. Drey is really fun and I'd like to see more of her in the future. It made me laugh that Percy had left her his information!

I love the way you write the twins in this, they're so in character! But George has taken a massive risk taking Verity there and I can imagine both of them being in trouble with the Order as well as the Ministry now. The moment between them was so cute though, and this was another great chapter!

Sian :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by nott theodore Two for Joy

13th August 2014:
Hi Jenna! Okay, this is a phone review so will probably be shorter than normal and have typos in, but I wanted to leave one!

I was really happy to see the title of this chapter as it meant that there was more chance for things to start looking up for Verity here, which they did a bit and I was pleased about that! I think I was happiest about the way her magic is actually slowly returning to her so she might be able to do more in the future.

Hmm, I'm not sure what Rumple's thinking, letting a couple of Muggles move into a magical building in a magical area. It certainly doesn't seem like a great idea but I'm intrigued to see what happens with them, and if there are some potential disturbances now,that they live in the same building!

It was quite nice to see a bit more of Verity with Sebastian in circumstances that are slowly returning to normal. Their relationship seems realistic and believable and yet I can see them growing apart, and understand why Verity would start having feelings for George as well.

I love the way that you described the Irish night at the pub, especially with all the music which is so beautiful. I was expecting George to be there with Fred, but not for Percy to turn up with friends too, so it was interesting to see the way that you portrayed their fight.

George was so cute here! All the flirting was quite a nice lift from the misery Verity has been feeling so far and it was cute to see the way he was disappointed to find out,she had a boyfriend. I'm excited to see how their,friendship/relationship develops, but glad she doesn't easily believe George about Voldemort. I think a lot of people probably didn't because it was easier not to.

Seeing all of the tension between Verity and Judah makes me wonder if she'll leave the shop voluntarily to work with George, or be pushed out and lose her inheritance and half of,the business.

The ending was great! I expected Verity would have to do a lot more to,find Christian Haynes but now I'm wondering what she'll find out from him and why he's friends with Judah, which isn't what I expected when I learnt about his connection with Penelope. Great chapter, and I look forwsrd to reading the next one!

Sian :)

 Report Review

Review #5, by nott theodore Londoners

7th August 2014:
Hi Jenna! I was just looking at the last review I left on this story and realised that it's almost a year ago now! :O That's just so awful, I'm so sorry! Hopefully I can start catching up on some of these chapters while I have a bit of free time (it would be really helpful if you could slow down your updating, just for a bit :P)

This was a really lovely chapter to come back to! Verity's been having such a difficult time recently and even though things are far from resolved for her - there's probably a lot worse to come - it was nice to see some change in parts of her life and things starting to look up for her a little bit!

I really enjoyed the opening of this chapter when we got to see a little bit more about the friendship between Verity and Penelope when Penelope was alive. Obviously Penny's death has had such a massive effect on Verity at the moment and she's grieving a lot, but it's really nice to get a glimpse of some of the aspects of their friendship. It was so lucky for Verity that Penelope was there for her when her mother died, because at that time you need a friend, and I think that really helped to show just how strong their friendship had been. But because of that, Penelope's death is only going to hit her even harder, not only because they were the same age, but because Penelope had been the one who supported her through the other difficulties and for Verity to be missing her as well now is just going to be even worse.

Aw, that line comparing Penelope to Persephone was just amazing! Obviously your description and writing is always brilliant, but I loved that allusion and the way that it worked with Penelope's death and showing just how much of an impact it had had on Verity. The emotions that it evokes are really strong and that shows how Verity's feeling too.

Your descriptions of London were really amazing in this chapter too. I know it's one of your favourite cities and I think you definitely did it justice by making it sound so beautiful and highlighting all of the different places that there are to go, especially away from the touristy spots.

When it comes to Verity and Sebastian's relationship, I kind of feel like it's not just a matter of what's happened recently with Penelope's death and them leaving school and getting jobs, but that maybe they're just changing and growing apart as they do so - maybe their relationship has run its natural course? I can see it coming to an end fairly soon, especially with the way that the cracks were really showing when Verity was just getting so irritated with the different things that Sebastian was doing, and of course George is starting to creep on the scene as well (since Verity didn't want to run into George when she was out with Sebastian, there are definite feelings there, even if she's not sure about them yet!). I wonder if they'd have carried on as normal or if Penelope's death is going to be a sort of catalyst for change in that way.

Having said that, I did really enjoy reading the section about their date and day out in Muggle London. It's nice that they can still do something like that without being worried about what's happening in their world since the war hasn't really come to the forefront yet, but the descriptions of the places that they visited were great as well. I'd never really thought of all the different wizarding artifacts that might accidentally turn up in Muggle shops, especially old antique places and things like that, so it was really cool to see Verity going through the different products and finding things that she could buy for the shop. She's definitely got a great business mind and I can see her doing really well when she moves to the Weasleys' shop too.

Haha, the episode with the landlord and the downstairs neighbours made me laugh :P I felt quite sorry for Rumple, to be honest, because that woman definitely gave as good as she got!

I thought the Scottish guy who sort of followed Verity into the shop was really creepy and I thought you did a great job of writing his accent, because I was hearing the tale told in that voice as I read it. It's strange, but I've actually read something about Burke and Hare recently, so seeing them included here was really cool! I love the way that you incorporate different tales and legends into this story, even if this one was rather gruesome!

Hmm, I wonder what Dawlish was doing going to the shop? I loved the way that Verity used his approach to get a cheaper price for the wallet, although I was wondering whether Dawlish was actually there to check anything in the shop or if he had an actual purpose, like speaking to Verity about the murder.

Ooh, that ending was quite dramatic and I wasn't expecting it - I'm not sure what's going on with the book, although it reminded me of the book that Terry and Tor used to communicate... I'll be back soon to read more!

Sian :)

 Report Review

Review #6, by patronus_charm Trouble

9th April 2014:
Finally here!

Ooh this was a really interesting chapter! I loved the start of it, it was so dramatic. I really hoped their cloak would be one like Harryís and couldnít be summoned but I guess it not being part of the Hallows does make it less likely :P Gah, Dawlish, I always hated that guy, though I canít help but fear for Verity that heís only going to go out of his way to annoy her even more now. Plus, the fact he saw that Umbridge had it in for George certainly doesnít look good, so weíll just have to hope everything works out for them.

Arthurís cameo was lovely and I really enjoyed seeing him there, and I do hope we get to see more of the Weasley family as time passes. They made such a funny trio and even though it was meant to be a serious situation as they got caught breaking into the Ministry, they still all had their little banter going and that just lightened the mood. Aw, they were just all so cute and thatís all I can really say :P

Whoo, theyíre going on a break! Sebastian was rather creepy in that section, though I think it may have just been the comment about snogging which made me think that, as itís making me wonder who heís got his sights on and whether heís been having an affair or not. Ooh, I really hope this brings George and Verity closer too as that would be so sweet and I would really love for that to happen.

More information about the secret society! And a secret book too! I canít decide which one will be more interesting as I imagine the first will shed more light on Penelopeís death and perhaps which side she was really working for. Then with the book it could be linked into that or it could be linked into George as I have a feeling it might be from him.

A great chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hola! :)

Hehe, so much drama! I wanted to make that whole scene quite awkward for Verity, and just to show how unlucky she is. And Dawlish definitely has his eye on Verity, and not in a good way. I felt that Dawlish and Umbridge would be cronies (or at least fake friends :P) and so he would follow her pretty loyally and hate those she hated.

Aw, I'm so glad you liked Arthur! Writing the Weasleys was quite intimidating but I enjoyed it. Arthur is one of those characters who is quite light-hearted and easy-going, but of course he has his passionate moments as well, so I enjoyed balancing his parental figure with his lovely, teasing Arthur-ness. His fatherly concern for Verity was very important as well.

Yes! Sebastian is creepy and moody, but we're seeing him through Verity's eyes and she's quite sick of him and being a little mean. After all, she did kiss somebody else, and Seb isn't strictly a bad guy. But I'm excited to post the next few chapters so you guys can see what happens as well! :D The drama is far from over.

Ooh, I love your theories about the book. I've been carrying this chapter around in my head for a while when working on Camp NaNo but replying to this review is making me excited to post it.

Thanks so much for the amazing review, Kiana! ♥


 Report Review

Review #7, by Rumpelstiltskin Trouble

8th April 2014:
Dawlish *grumble grumble*.

Perhaps I should have begun by saying hello (hai!)...

Anyway, poor Verity can't get away with anything, can she? Well, she DID sneak into the Department of Mysteries (and kissed George), but I'm going to blame everything on Dawlish due to his natural ability to be a vile person. She thinks she can trust him because he's an 'authority of the law'? Eheheh...she's so wrong. As for George, well, he does have a bit of a reputation (specifically tying himself to the Ministry through the fun-tastic exit of Hogwarts during Umbridge's reign). Luckily for the pair of them, Arthur and Kingsley work for the Ministry.

So, they are free and clear from the Ministry, but George still has to answer to the Order now (that can't be a delightful experience...), and of course Molly (which is equally frightening). It's not so terrible to want to call their little break-in to the Ministry a date. She's been having relationship issues, and it may be natural to want to look elsewhere (though, she should probably end things with Sebastian first). AND it's George Weasley...so, well, you know.

Verity hasn't met Molly, has she? Haha, George has good reason to fear the wrath of Molly Wealey ;). Good old Borgin... I love that he expected her to bring something back from her escapade (or at least attempt to).

Aw, Sebastian's a bit of a scaredy-cat, isn't he? That amuses me :D. Oh gods, he knows *covers eyes*. Of course he knows, he has connections! Just tell him before he questions you about it! Do it! Wow, evidentily I crack under pressue. Anyway, taking a break sounds reasonable and logical. Wait, why is her relationship reasonable and logical...is it because there's some strain in this relationship? Yes, yes I think so! (I'm just really excited that they're taking a 'break'.) Aaand, she glanced into the tower. I think that she subconsiously doesn't want that relationship to work out... *cough*. I may be biased though, because, GEORGE!

At least Christian is being mildly helpful, and I'm overly curiuos about what happened before Penelope died. Hopefully, we'll get some answers for that soon. Ha, Judah's trying to ask Verity on a date.

Scabior's a pleasant fellow, isn't he? Verity handled that very well, and I'm assuming, in her trade, she's used to shady and unpleasant customers. I would have told him where he could have shoved the hand of glory...*ahem* which is why I'm not in customer service.

Ending on a mysterious storybook is mean! This was awesome! I can't wait for more!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hai! :)

Ugh, Dawlish, I know. He actually makes an excellent mini-villain though, since he's just so useless.

Verity, if you haven't noticed, tends to have things go wrong and get herself into awkward situations. Haha, but she did let George lead her into mischief here. They really got lucky with getting off the hook, and it's a good thing Kingsley was on call to save the day with Arthur. :P

Haha, George really has a good scolding in his future, poor guy. He just wanted to impress Verity with how adventurous he is. I'm glad you approve of her relationship choices when she leans towards George - I feel like it's only natural considering her strained relationship with George.

She hasn't met Molly yet! But sometimes soon, perhaps. And yeah, I just love Borgin. I feel like in the books he was so much creepier but I like the Verity-Borgin relationship a lot.

He is! But I don't blame him, I would be terrified of the ghosts as well. And oh god, yes, that scene was SO awkward for me to write. I was just cringing the whole time for both of them. Haha, I'm glad you like the decision to go on a break, and I'm excited to post what happens next with all of that. And yes, George. ♥

He is! For now... and I'm excited to tell the readers what did happen with Penelope! It's this big convoluted plot but it's quite fun and crazy. Oh dear, Judah would never be voluntarily nice to Verity. :P But who knows!

Ah, Verity does have some experience with these shady characters. She has a cool head on her shoulders and she's good at keeping a good face for customers, but she also has been quite lucky so far. Haha, agreed! Customers are evil, and Verity's are often actually evil. Dark Marks and all.

Thanks so much for the brilliant review!!! :D


 Report Review

Review #8, by Rumpelstiltskin Secrets and Mysteries

20th February 2014:
Can I do some Sebastian hating? Maybe just a little? Okay, here goes (and I do it as lovingly as possible). All Verity is looking for is a little sympathy for the chaos she's dealing with at work, but does Sebastian come through? Nope, he's all 'this place is a dump regardless' (or something to that extent). Then, she's all smiling (most likely dreamily) when she tells him that George walked her home from the pub, aaand he doesn't even get jealous!

*Cough* Sorry. I'm done now. So, the Midas joke was pretty awesome. Actually, I'm absolutely in love with it! It's going on my quote wall! I'm running out of wall!

Christian is super shady! He gives me the creeps, kind of like Dawlish. The society is also really shady. Gosh, I can't decide if they may have been involved in Death Eater activity or were acting against that sort of idea. Whatever they were involved in, its mysterious enough that Verity is of course going to investigate! How could she not? Maybe she could tell me when she figures it out! ;)

I also love the spinning wheel! You're always throwing some mythology or fair tale essence my way! Well, I'm sure they're not directed for me, but I'll pretend because they never fail to excite me! :D

O.O Oh Verity! Don't cry! Okay, well it's understandable why she would be crying...there's a ton going on right now. Where's George? He could make her feel better. Drey seems to be doing the trick for now, anyway. Heheh, poor Percy. Being the responsible type, of course he ended up paying...poor guy. Those twins are trouble-makers ;).

Speaking of. Hooray for adventure! I love that Verity is going on said 'adventure' with the twins! Oh goodness, they're sneaking into the Ministry! They can't just sneak into the Ministry! Well, they *can* but that doesn't mean that they should! *Covers eyes*

No, wait, KISSES! *SQUEE* Hooray! They kissed! I mean, she probably shouldn't be kissing George while she's still dating Sebastian, but KISSES!! :D

Uh-oh! Gah! You can't end the chapter there! :( I'm so excited for the next one!! Where is it?

:D

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Oh of course, Sebastian totally deserves some hate here. You have him spot on with how he doesn't see that Verity needs her to agree with him. He's taking her for granted here, but potentially not for long if he finds out about the events at the end of the chapter... :P

Hehe yay for Midas! :) I'm so glad you liked it.

He is super creepy! So is the society... well, there's more to come about that in the near future. It's quite fun coming up with it, I'm excited to reveal more to the readers. Verity would have been a detective in another life, she really wants to find out what happened to Penny!

Yay, I loved the idea of the spinning wheel! :D It's so fun, tying in mythology and little stories to the shop, and I love how you enjoy them!

There is! George would be a good shoulder to cry on indeed. :P Hehe, I know, poor Percy! Ah well, he could probably afford it and does deserve it a little bit.

George's attempt to impress Verity was bound to backfire in some way. :P Muahaha *evil author laugh*, I've had this planned for ages so was so happy to finally have it out.

Kisses! :D Kisses that might get somebody in trouble later, but I'm glad you liked them! :)

Thanks so much for the brilliant review, next chapter will hopefully be up in the next couple of weeks! :) I loved this, you are an awesome reviewer! :)


 Report Review

Review #9, by patronus_charm Secrets and Mysteries

12th February 2014:
Ah, I have so many things of yours to catch up on and one night to do it in so letís get ready for a review bombing session!

Yay trouble in paradise for Sebastian and Verity. Ok, a little mean as obviously it makes Verity very M rated word off with him, but yeah, that can be forgotten about once she finds George and they realise theyíre made for one another :P He was just so ew and aggravating in the beginning of this chapter with the smoking and being mean to Midas, and just have that general Iím so cool look at me attitude. And yeah, he made me really angry. :P

I really liked how Penelope made that link for Verity to find him and it just makes me wish I could have seen her alive because she sounds so cool with the underground work and secret clues, like the perfect best friend for Verity really. Hmm, what to make of Christian though? At first I was just like I want to see more of him as the whole Penelope leading her to him was really cool, but now I have a feeling there might be something more to him with the nonchalant air when talking about the society (or it could be a test, I havenít finished reading the chapter yet!). Either the way the mystery surrounding him is great!

Drey was great! The perfect sort of character really as she was just so real and lovely and I wanted to see more of her. At first I thought she might be Tonks with the whole wotcher thing, but in a way her really cool characterisation made up for it as she was similar to Tonks with her liveliness. I think it was just the mix of things in her personality with the compassion by leaving school to look after her mother, and then the madness with the way she left the bank for the pub. Sheís just exuberant, and a fantastic character to study as there are so many layers to her!

Ahahahahah, Fred and George were perfect and then he took her on guard duty and was just going to die because their banter was perfect and they were just getting along so well. Then the way they nearly kissed. I was just like awefdowejf, seriously, I did not know how to cope. Then the ending Ė so dramatic! I really canít think her favourite Auror could be but I have a feeling you might have hinted to us beforehand, so I will have to wrack my brains!

Such a fantastic chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :D First of all, you are so awesome for review bombing me. I remember signing in on that day and being so excited to see all the reviews, and really meant to reply before then but essays got in the way. They always do. :(

Anyway, thank you! :) I'm so excited to be writing this story again and getting this feedback is really lovely and helpful.

Hehe, Verity and Sebastian aren't very good at not having trouble, even if it's just minor passive aggressive trouble. Verity is sensitive and Sebastian is tired of tiptoeing around her, and so these types of scenes ensue. :P I'm glad you're leaning towards team George however! Ugh, it made me angry writing about it as well, I'm glad that irritation came across!

Aw, Penelope is so sneaky! I really love writing her mystery and I'm excited to really get into it soon in upcoming chapters. There will definitely be more flashbacks to Penny at Hogwarts as well. :) Hmm, good idea to be suspicious about Christian. There's definitely more to him than meets the eye, and he's a lot of fun to write in all his sneakiness and vague answers.

Yay, I'm so glad you like Drey! :) She and Gemma are just so funny to write. She is rather Tonks-ish now that I think of it! I'm excited for the readers to see more of her as well as she does have a specific role to play in the story. :)

Hehe, I'm really happy you like the twins. :P They're so nerve-wracking to write but I do love them so. Ahh, I know! Verity's favourite Auror is a bit of a sarcastic statement on her part, if that gives you any clues. Although the Auror is a favourite of mine because he's quite clueless.

Thanks for the brilliant review, Kiana! :D I really loved it, and getting your feedback is so encouraging in getting the next chapter finished and posted! ♥


 Report Review

Review #10, by lindslo2012 One for Sorrow

10th February 2014:
Hi there!
Just wow... this was REALLY good.
I loved every single sentence, and you are very good at writing detail- something I wish I could get a little better at. :)
This is a very good start to your story and although it is sad it tells your story and plot very well. I enjoyed it! I think I am going to come back and read the other chapters when I have time.
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Hi Lindsey! :)

Wow, thank you so much! :) I'm so happy to hear you like this story. I've recently returned to focusing on it a little more and getting this positive feedback is really encouraging and lovely.

I'm glad you liked the description and the sadness, and that you're interesting in reading on! :D

Thanks so much for the lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #11, by Rumpelstiltskin Two for Joy

1st February 2014:
Oh goodness, read the last chapter of FotT, or the newest chapter of Magpie (I had to flip a coin)!

Oh boy and we begin the chapter with some Rumple, which, of course means self-insertion. Yes, thank you! I love that he (I) doesn't even take time to remember his (my) tenant's names. Well, I suppose that he (I) just care about their money :D. I found it funny that he (I) let Muggles move into a magical apartment building, in a magical neighborhood. Surely he (I) can't be serious!

The old Scotsman returns! Too bad Verity hadn't been there to intervene, although it's probably better that she didn't have to interact with him. Heh, Verity on an adventure to find valuable objects would probably not work out so well until her magic stopped being finicky.

Every time you intertwine Penelope's memory into the story, it reminds me of how much she's probably on Verity's mind, most of the time. So many little things remind Verity of Penelope, which is how grieving really works. I remember when my father died, the smallest of things would remind me of him (or maybe it would give me an excuse to think about him). Anyway, I found the correlations (even if they would be seemingly otherwise insignificant to her life) that she makes between certain things and Penelope to be realistic (and lovely).

I love how she begins to confide in Borgin about her uncertainties about (basically) enjoying herself so close to Penelope's death. His answer made me chuckle, and then his queries on whether she had somebody more appropriate to talk about those things really made me laugh. I like Borgin, he'll be my buddy for now.

"I tell Sebastian, voice hinged with as much sincerity as Professor Snape offering to help the House Elves bake cookies" -- Just, oh my goodness. That really made me laugh. I think that I'll forever have an image of Snape baking with House Elves in my mind.

Sebastian doesn't seem all that much fun. Maybe it's just a biased judgement because, hey, George Weasley ;). It just seems like someone like Verity (who pretends to be a famous Muggle while she's all dressed up, and then trips :p) is a little different than Sebastian. She seems fun, and he seems...not-so-much fun.

The dynamic of Verity being able to distinctly tell the difference between George and Fred is brilliant. Percy, his royal pratness. :D

Oomph. Verity shouldn't feel bad for having forgotten about Penelope for a moment. I mean, yeah, the way to keep a person living is by remembering them, but she shouldn't feel guilty for thinking about herself once and a while. I completely understand why she does, but it may just be part of the reason why she hasn't been able to use her magic properly -- she can't let go. Of course she can't, losing a friend is tragic, and this is all apart of the grieving process. :( Oh the feels.

It has to be irritating, being known as Sebastian's girlfriend, and simply not Verity. I had a bit of that in my life -- always somebody else's something, but not just me. Now I'm me ;), and 'me' is fantastic :D. Erm. I've become side-tracked again. At least Percy recognizes her as Verity.

They charged the drinks to Percy's tab. Heheh, poor Percy. Gah, Verity, listen to George about You-Know-Who! Listen!

Judah is a little bit off, isn't he? Hm. I don't think I like Judah very much as a person (as a character, he's fantastic, of course).

"Sidelong flirting" is perfectly okay, I think ;). Another lovely chapter!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi Rumpel! :D

Yay, I'm so glad you picked this one! It's so nice to get feedback on this story and lets me know I did the right thing by focusing on it again. :)

Hahaha, after your review on the last chapter I knew there had to be some more Rumple - perhaps he should think about changing the spelling of his name? :P Sadly all he cares about is money and he definitely saw a chance to make some with the Muggles, though of course who knows how that might turn out...

Haha yes, the Scotsman is just the creepiest. I couldn't bear writing him again so I let Borgin deal with him. I know, poor Verity. She would probably get shut up in a tomb and not able to get out or something if she was out hunting for them.

I'm glad you're liking the little reminders of Penelope and how much Verity has been focusing on her through the little things in life. It's really hard for her, but she is starting to realize that she needs to keep living her life while staying true to her friend. Oh, I'm so sad to hear about your father, but I'm glad I'm doing justice to portraying the grieving process. It's always so hard but I'm relieved it feels realistic.

I'm glad you like Borgin! He's a real favourite of mine in how crochety he is but he does care about Verity a lot. He's sort of like her beloved but grumpy uncle who doesn't really know how to give advice to a 20-year old girl.

Haha Snape baking cookies, I thought that was a great image too. :P I'm glad you liked it.

Sebastian and Verity are definitely in that odd place where they've grown into very different people than they were at the beginning of their relationship. We are seeing him through Verity's red-tinted glasses but he is being a bit of a brat so far. Verity is a lot of fun and I'm glad you think so! :D

Hehe, I'm so happy you like the Weasleys! It's rather intimidating writing them since they're such wonderful characters. I have a bit of a soft-spot for some Percy the prat as well. :P

Feels. :( I know, it's really not fair but there's nothing else she can really do but keep living the way Penelope would want her to. I feel like she's very lonely and guilt-ridden right now, though she doesn't quite know why she should be guilt-ridden, poor girl.

YOU are fantastic! :D I'm really glad you found that relatable though, that's just what I was hoping for. Being known as somebody's other would be so irritating, especially for Verity who is quite independent and unique, even if she isn't the loudest person in the room.

Haha poor Percy, but he does deserve it a little. :P And yes, Verity is in denial right now, but who would want to acknowledge Voldy when they had the option to live in ignorance?! Well, that sort of makes sense. But George is definitely going to try and help her see reason, and he definitely doesn't have an ulterior motive, nope, no way. :P

Judah is very... "Knockturn Alley brat." That's the brand I've given him. He's entitled, but in a sort of underworld kind of way.

Yay for sidelong flirting! :D I'm so glad you liked this, thanks for the brilliant review! I loved it! :)


 Report Review

Review #12, by toomanycurls One for Sorrow

1st February 2014:
Review swap!!! I think you read my mind - I was going to post a review swap post. :)

This was quite the chapter for sorrow! :( You write Verity's grief is a way that pricks at my own grief exerpeinces which makes me feel you've done an extremely good job bringing her to life. I love how her thoughts float in and out of the narrative. That detail gave the chapter a slightly unfocused feel that deep loss can bring about.

Her identification as a collector of memories and ghosts was quite a chilling image for this chapter given how she's remembering Penelope and their friendship. The story she collects from the old man is quite fascinating. I wonder what power/use she finds in them to pay such a premium to know something so personal. Having Verity say her story begins where Penelope's ends is a beautiful way of showing how interconnected they were as friends.

Oh but inappropriat stories always come out at funerals. I think it's quite endearing that she recalls the story of them skinny dipping. Just a guess - was it one of the Weasley twins that tried to clap? I imagine that Dumbledore's gaze would be a bit steadying at a funeral. I can't imagine how it would be as muggles to have a witch daughter who was killed by magic. The horror it must have inspired in them...

I really liked her background information on Sebastian and the hints that he may not be as fond of muggles/muggleborns as others. His thoughts that being a pureblood or at least halfblood makes them immune from Death Eather trouble is quite believable and shows why so many are indifferent to the rise of Voldemort or his followers.

You've created such a fascinating story! I'm excited to see how Verity becomes entwined with Fred and George. Your use of imagery in this is uniquely beautiful and slightly haunting. I look forward to reading more!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Ah, this chapter was very sorrowful. :( I promise the story gets a little happier, though there is that dark undertone throughout. I'm glad you found her grief realistic, and the way her thoughts seemed unfocused. That is a little the way Verity's head works regardless, but it was definitely accentuated by her grief and confusion.

Chilling is just what I was hoping for! Due to her personality and line of work Verity is quite the collector. I see her as a very good listener who doesn't like to talk much about herself, unless it's in her own head. She has a very good memory and is very observant, unlike characters like Sebastian who are more self-centered in a way.

I'm glad you found the funeral believable, and I thought it was sweet though quite sad as well. Ah, yes, Dumbledore would be quite reassuring. I know, I feel so sorry for Penelope's parents and how horrific it would be since they have no real way of protecting their daughter or themselves from powers they don't understand.

I'm glad you liked the portrayal of Sebastian as well. He's quite an interesting character for me to write since Verity knows him so well and they know all about the other's bad qualities which are brought to light. Sebastian isn't evil by any means, but he is a lot less binary good-or-evil as Harry and his friends. :P I like your explanation of being indifferent about Voldemort, and how people could have not wanted to get involved if they weren't directly being targeted. I imagine that would have been the case with many.

I'm so glad you like it so far, and are asking questions! :) I've recently sorted out some confusion I had with this story and have been working on it, so it's lovely to see your thoughts on it. Thanks so much for the amazing review! :D


 Report Review

Review #13, by patronus_charm Two for Joy

27th January 2014:
Yay, a new chapter :D

I really liked how we got to explore the normalcy of Verityís life as it was so interesting. I totally get what she means about having muggles moving into the flat below her and it will be interesting to see how that works out. I have a feeling that there might be something more to it. I really like her interactions with Borgin because itís interesting to see how a supposedly dark shop and man can just go about their business and moan about normal things. It makes me almost wish we got more of these perspectives in Harry Potter rather than everyone whoís friends with Harry is good and everyone is probably bad.

There were so many cute moments when Verity was getting ready such as her waving at the photo of Penelope which was a nice nod towards her friend and then how Sebastian zipped up her dress. It just makes me wish that she and Sebastian could be happy together. Then I get all confused because when she went to the bar and saw George I wanted them to be dating so I donít know what I really want right now :P Iím glad you introduced Fred and Lee though and I hope we get to see more of them throughout the story.

Aw, George and Verity had such a cute moment together with them talking and her sort of leaning into him and then the stupid Percy had to turn up. I never thought of them seeing each other in those in-between years but it makes perfect sense and I really like that twist. Then Midas mentioned her dating Sebastian and I was just uh oh George may just get a little angry, but he seemed a little too preoccupied which was a good thing. Woah, I blabbered away there, sorry about that!

Ah, when she spoke to Percy I was just praying that nothing went too badly but I liked the fact she could be sort of nice to him as it shows that theyíre not all prejudiced against him. I rather like him as a character so I hope he makes more appearances. Then her following heart to heart sort of thing with George was just so cute. They really seem to fit together, more so than her and Sebastian at times, and Iím really excited to see how they progress.

Gah, he asked about her boyfriend, gah heís going to prove to her that Voldemort is around, gah this is so exciting. I really hope thereís another chapter around soon because I really do love this story!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :D

First of all, thanks so much for leaving me this awesome review, I was so excited to see it! :D I was a little worried people would have forgotten about this story due to my neglect so this really means so much. :)

I'm really glad you liked seeing Verity turning back to her ordinary life! Haha, you're right to be concerned about the Muggles, and living in an all-wizarding neighbourhood is a recipe for trouble. I'm glad you like seeing a different side to Borgin and the shop as well - I agree, the books do have a lot of good/bad binaries. Borgin sort of falls somewhere in the middle, as do many characters in this story - he cares about business first and foremost, it just happened that most of his customers tend to be on the darker side.

Aw, I'm glad you liked her getting ready! I feel it's important to show how ordinary her regular life with Sebastian is, and how they are quite comfortable with one another. Haha don't worry, I'm a little confused too and so is Verity for that matter! :P There will definitely be more of Fred and Lee. :)

They are so cute and flirty, eh? :) I love writing their semi-awkward moments together. I'm glad you liked Percy's appearance, this was one of the first scenes I thought of when planning this story and even came before Verity working at Borgin and Burke's (which is one of the most important things about the story!) so it was great to finally write it.

Yes! Verity doesn't really know about what happened with the Weasleys and she has known Percy a lot longer than George. I quite like him as well, both in his pompous and jerk personalities, but I think he's a fantastic character. Aw, I'm so excited you like Ver and George together. I like writing their more serious interactions as well as the flirting and goofiness.

Eek, yes! If all goes to plan the next chapter should be quite exciting. I really don't want to abandon this story as I have been so I hope to get another chapter up soon. :)

Thanks so much for this, dear, it was really lovely and encouraging and really motivates me to get going on the next chapter! :D Thanks for the beautiful review! :) ♥


 Report Review

Review #14, by Rumpelstiltskin Londoners

29th December 2013:
I'm here for our review swap (finally)!

I just want to mention how beautiful the first couple of lines are! Typically, Spring is the season of rebirth and resurrection. In stories, it is usually a time for hope after having faced a treacherous winter (figuratively and literally). I love how you spun this concept so that Spring is a tumult time of year for Verity instead of an optimistic time.

Furthermore, the allusion to Persephone was amazing. Not only did it add some poetic depth to the paragraph, it further reveals how much Penelope meant to Verity. On a slightly unprofessional note, this is so exquisitely heartbreaking! The fact that Penelope was with Verity through the time when Verity's mother died, being a rock for her as a dear friend, further emphasizes that notion. Now, it seems Verity seems to be losing everybody that she's cared about. Her mother is gone, Sebastian is becoming distant, and Penelope is dead as well.

This line, "...until I found the shop in Knockturn Alley and demanded Borgin give me a job..." reveals a great deal about Verity's character. She's a strong person; she HAS to be if she's facing so much agonizing loss.

It is obvious that things aren't working out with Sebastian if leaving a dirty cup behind sets Verity off. Obviously, it is not just the cup that Verity is upset about; it is the principle behind leaving the cup unwashed. The little things that are annoying Verity about Sebastian over the course of the week further back my previous assessment of not thinking that Verity and Sebastian will work out...as does the bliss she receives from having some time away from him. *Cough* I also find it interesting that she doesn't want to run into George while she's with Sebastian...just saying. :D

Their relationship did seem to improve after the brief break, which is nice. Something about the way Verity becomes overwhelmed by too much of his presence makes me think that they would be better as friends, however. They seem to get along fantastically as friends, but it seem like they might be suffocating one another in the long-run. I'm just speculating ;).

Hey look! It's Rumple! *Cough* Don't mind me, I'll just be doing some self-insertion as the not-so-generous landlord ;). I could do it-I'm not afraid of the intimidating and temperamental blond lady. Sorry, I'll get back on track now...

The Scot man is fairly creepy, complete with rotten teeth. Not to mention, he's carrying some shady objects, as well. I would like to take this time to comment on how fabulously you manage to create a variety of different characters, each with very distinct personalities that define them from everyone else. Since no two people are exactly alike, I think that this diversity is wonderful!

Ugh...Dawlish. I think I prefer the creepy man to Dawlish at the moment ;). Dawlish is super sleazy and I LOVE the way you characterized him (because I just really do not like him)! I'm glad his nose was injured...

The book was a bit creepy in its own respect, but became even more ominous when the last line appeared, addressing Verity.

You cannot end a chapter that way when there is no additional chapters to ease some of the suspense as to what is happening!! Okay, technically you can-it's not very nice though.

I hope you update this soon!! It was fantastic!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hello! :) Ah, I'm sorry about taking so long to respond to this- I've been in a place with limited Internet for a few days. I wanted to make sure I had the time to respond to this amazing review properly.

I'm glad you liked the opening lines and found them beautiful! :) Yes, for Verity spring is a time of death and grief, showing how dark her life is at the moment. I'm glad you liked the changes of that imagery and how it reflected her situation.

I'm so happy you picked out the Persephone reference, I love tying in classical images and allusions and it seemed to fit perfectly. I like how you pointed out how it showed how precious Penny was to Verity. I know, Verity has been surrounded by an incredible amount of death, but hopefully in the coming months she'll be able to find love and support from other places as well. I'm glad you picked up on the tragic and heartbreaking attributes of her life.

Yes! Verity seems quiet because she's very reflective and isn't a natural leader, exactly, but she can be forceful and able to take life into her own hands. I'm happy you notice these little details and hints about her character- you're such a perceptive reviewer! :)

Haha yes, Verity and Sebastian kind of have a weary relationship which has perhaps been drawn out longer than it should. I see Verity as being quite easily irritated and liking her own space, but she is being a little hard on Seb as well. Haha yes, she may not have admitted it to us yet but I definitely think there was a reason for hoping to avoid George... :P

Haha it is you! Oh dear, well poor Rumple doesn't have an easy time of it with tenants like that. The blond lady is quite frightening, and it was never specified why exactly there was fire damage in the room. :P

I feel like spooky characters always seem more frightening with a Scottish accent for some reason, and the teeth help a bit as well. I'm thrilled to hear you like all these wild minor characters, and how distinct they are- I think Verity's life in Knockturn would be fascinating if not a little terrifying just because of all the colourful characters who swing by.

Dawlish is the worst, I just knew I had to include him in this story to make him even more ominous and irritating!

Ah I know! I really want to update this soon, I've just been so busy with all my other WIPs. I'm going to try and get it done soon though! Thank you so much for the incredible review, it was just perfect and helped me regain some inspiration in working on this story again! :D




 Report Review

Review #15, by Rumpelstiltskin The Clearwater Remains

24th December 2013:
Why is it that you have entirely too many interesting looking stories when I still haven't made it completely through this one? :p Ah, well, I'll have to get to those later. I'm here from Review Tag, by the way.

This line, "But all of this, of the essence of Penelope will be forgotten in favor of her young beauty, the pretty, immortal corpse she left, forever frozen at nineteen. She is beautiful, but nothing else" definitely struck some emotions. I think it highlighted the mood of the scene, while Verity sat with Mrs. Clearwater with merely the memory of Penelope surrounding them. Furthermore, Mrs. Clearwater's inquiries on why the main motivations of Aaron's death (as well as the other connected deaths) were being withheld from the public emphasized just how
clandestine the impending war was. Also, Mrs. Clearwater's grief in combination with Verity's was very realistic.

I have to say, I really enjoyed Gemma and Verity's conversation. You not only did a fantastic job at portraying interactions between friends, but you also addressed the issues concerning Sebastian. I don't exactly think that Verity and Sebastian make a good pair :).

Ah, I see. So, since Penelope had basically began the relationship between Verity and Sebastian, is there a lingering connection to Penelope that will stop Verity from leaving him if she ultimately decides that they aren't fit for one another? Hm. Penelope and Percy sound like a lovely couple; I wonder how he fairs through all of this?

Bess' back story and all of the historical content was quite haunting (and very interesting), eluding more to the story's tone. Everything seemed to lighten slightly at George's arrival, however :).

Ah, George. He's just so...George. O.o I think I'm trying to say that you did a brilliant job at his characterization, is all.

Gah, this was such a lovely chapter! The last line left this ominous feel to the end...ooh, I wonder what will happen next!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

Ah, well I'm glad you think I have lots of interesting stories! I'm actually really happy you've stuck to review this one as it doesn't have a great deal of recent feedback and these reviews help me think about getting the next chapter written at some point!

I'm pleased you liked that line and how Penelope's memory seems to Verity and her mother. Yes, even though Verity doesn't really know it yet the war is coming and Penny's death is only the beginning. I'm glad you thought it was realistic!

Wow, thank you! :) I'm glad you liked the scene with Gemma, it was one of the first bits I wrote. Yeah, Sebastian isn't such a bad guy, but there is definitely someone better for Ver out there. :P That's a good point about Penelope setting them up - I can't say for sure but Sebastian does represent a large part of Verity's history and connection to Penelope since they were all friends.

Percy shows up in Chapter 5 (if I ever get it posted! :)) His side of the story is far from over.

I'm so pleased you found it haunting and interesting! I based the story on a ghost story I heard and thought it would make a spooky and sad addition to the tone which is rather gloomy at times. And yes, George is a little ray of sunshine in the relatively dreary world of Knockturn!

Thank you, I find George really particular to write so hearing I wrote him well is the loveliest compliment!

Thanks for a wonderful review, and hope to see you back soon! :D


 Report Review

Review #16, by Rumpelstiltskin Knockturn Alley

29th November 2013:
I am here for review tag!

I feel really bad that it has been so long since I reviewed your last chapter!

The small section at the beginning of the chapter was a really great hook. It was beautifully written, suspenseful, and evokes a sense of panic and fear.

Oh, lucky Verity; she gets interviewed by Dawlish (can you sense my sarcasm)? Dawlish has recently become the subject of my hatred, but I love hating him. I think that you did a fantastic job with his characterization.

So the altering areas of time were really fantastic. It was a very interesting way to provide background information on Verity while still providing story progression. I'm just going to go ahead and say that the device was genius, in my opinion (though I'm unsure of how far up the scale of significance my opinions lie :P).

It's great that Verity has decided to rejoin the world, so to speak. It's a realistic transition of grieving one's loss to beginning to try to move on.

I found it very humorous that she couldn't figure out which one of the (many) Weasley boys George was. I found it even funnier that she exclaimed her realization :D. You've done wonderfully with George's characterization, by the way.

Another death? O.O You ended the chapter on a cliffhanger?! No fair. That's really tempting!

Anyway, this was a great chapter! I loved it!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi! :)

Aw, no worries at all! These chapters tend to be quite long and intimidating to review, I think! :) I'm just glad you got a chance to come back!

I'm glad you liked the beginning and it was interesting! I like playing around a lot with POVs in my stories and I'm pleased it came across well.

Haha, I agree, Dawlish is just the worst person ever! I love hating him too, and I'm really glad he came across well. He's a great nemesis to poke fun at. :P

Yay! I'm so glad you liked the structure. I think giving background in a story is really important and this story is full of that. And I value your opinions very highly! :D

Yes, I felt like just wallowing in her grief wasn't something Verity would be able to do for long. She has a lot to do and to live for. And I'm glad you liked the George seen, and his characterization! I was so worried about writing him right since he's such a beloved character, so hearing he came across well is really loely.

Yeah, there are a lot of depressing and mysterious events going on! :P

Thanks so much for this wonderful review! :D I really appreciate it!!! :)


 Report Review

Review #17, by Rumpelstiltskin One for Sorrow

9th November 2013:
I'm here from review tag.

I didn't know which story to pick at first as they all looked interesting. I think the deciding factor (a very poor way to make decisions on my part) was because I noticed that this one had a character named Sebastian. That's one of my favorite names, ever (I have had three rats named Sebastian). Anyway, despite how flawed the process in which I decided was, I am glad that this is the story I decided to read.

Anyways.

It's always a shock when somebody close to you dies. I think that you pulled off the reaction to hearing about a death that was so close to the heart very well. The emotions are true and personal, allowing them to be believable.

You certainly have a way with imagery. The beautiful descriptors are breathtaking. I mean honestly, when you're throwing in delicate phrases like "rainwater on glass" and invisible tension that ripples" you just can't go wrong.

On of the things that most significantly stood out to me was the phrase "can never be mastered" in reference to death. It definitely is a unique way to approach the subject. It took me a while to figure out what caused me to be so hung up on a single phrase, but I think it has to do with the dynamic of the entire sentence. There are variant meanings that I have found in this. Most significantly I am caught between the uncertainty that arises in the wake of death and the inevitability of it. I am assuming it is the latter, but who am I to guess.

Moving along, as I have the tendency to ramble and there are several phrases that I'd like to dissect (but I wont, I promise!)

Your character interactions are written flawlessly and I quite enjoyed them.

Also, I'm very interested to see what happens next. Until then-

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hi! :) Haha, I'm glad you thought all my stories looked intriguing, but I'm especially pleased you picked this one as it doesn't often seem to get picked from review tag. That's a funny way of picking the story indeed- I'm curious to know what you think of the Sebastian here, as he can be a little unpleasant at times.

I'm glad you thought I wrote Verity's shock and grief well! I imagine she would be very upset when her best friend died and I'm pleased that came across.

Wow, thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked the descriptions and imagery- I love writing in that sort of poetic style and this story presents a good outlet for it. I'm also pleased you were interested in that one line, and yes, it can have different meanings depending on the reader. I like your analyses of it, especially about death being inevitable and being unable to have any control over someone else's death, which is how Verity is feeling right now.

I'm glad you liked the characters and the plot seemed suspenseful and interesting! Thank you so much for this lovely review, it was a real joy to receive! :D


 Report Review

Review #18, by marauder5 Londoners

15th October 2013:
Well, I've never not been an excited to see an update from you, so I suppose you're not surprised to hear that I was very happy when I found there was a new chapter of this story :) I also think you know by now how much I admire your writing style and the way in which you set up your stories - something about it just pulls me in as soon as I start to read, and I finish these chapters so quickly (to be completely honest, I took a couple of pauses in this one because I didn't want it to be over!)

If you read through this again, you might find a few small typo's, and a noticed somewhere that a few of your sentences seems to have been cut off (yes, I CAN give a little CC in my reviews too, and not just go on and on about how wonderful you are) ;) But as always, you've provided your readers with a very high quality work. I never feel like I'm reading fan fiction when I read your stories - it seems like published material to me. What stood out to me in this chapter, and what made me fall even more in love with this story, was some very minor things that made it so easy to relate to Verity. As I read, I swear I thought of two things, but now I can only think of one.. oh well, I'll let you know if I ever remember the second one. But as for the first, it was the way you described her resenting Sebastian, and how something as trivial as a teacup left unwashed turned into him looking down at her, like his time is too important to waste on washing it while hers isn't. I think everyone has been in that situation sometimes, when you're upset with someone and somehow manage to turn such small, insignificant things into insults in your mind. That was perfect, and it just made me feel for Verity in a way I hadn't done before.

The story of Burke and Hare was creepy, yes, but also very good! it had me intrigued from the very start. I know I've told you this in my previous reviews for this story but Verity being a collector of stories is just SO brilliant of you. Those small side stories are one of my favourite things about this whole story. and maybe this one has more meaning than shows at first glance? I'm thinking that maybe Aaron Holden sold Penelope out, and then Aaron died, and Christian is the money behind it.. maybe they did some sort of work for him? Oh well, I don't know. I might be reading too much into this just because Verity made the connection. Either way, I can't wait for when she finally seeks Christian out and see if he does have some answers. And I also look forward to seeing more of your flawless portrayal of the twins. Keep up the wonderful work and thank you so much for writing this!

Author's Response: Hi! You actually spoil me with reviews, and I'm so lucky to have your support on HPFF! Thank you so much for this awesome review, as all of your reviews are! :) I've neglected this story for a while and I was so excited to update and to receive your feedback.

Ah I will definitely go back and fix those up! I'm awful with proof-reading my own work, mostly out of laziness and excitement to get it into the queue hehe. Aw, thank you for saying it feels like published material! :D That is so lovely. I'm glad you can relate to Verity, and that her relationship with Sebastian seems relatable. I think their relationship is one of the most down-to-earth and least idealized ones I've written so far, and it's both challenging and fun to write.

I'm glad you liked the Burke and Hare story! :) I've had it in mind for this story, and that creepy song has been stuck in my head since I heard it in Edinburgh. Ooh interesting predictions! More about Christian and the twins is definitely coming up in the coming chapters. :)

Thank you so much for this wonderful review, it was really lovely to receive and you are so amazing for continuing to follow and support this story. :D



 Report Review

Review #19, by patronus_charm Londoners

12th October 2013:
Yay! I think I squealed a little too much when I saw you had updated this story!

This line Ė í Penelope is the stolen Persephone to my humble earth, the eternal prisoner of a faceless Hades to leave me brittle and cold, bringing her light and warmth into the depths of the underworld. Ď just ♥ ♥ All those analogies about Penelopeís death were fantastic and really conveyed the strong emotion Verity must have been feeling.

The structure of the section related to Verityís anger at Sebastian was great! The whole day to day layout of it sort of represented how monotonous had begun and the rhythm of things had never really changed. The small facts such as Verity doing yoga and Sebastian caring about stock prices showed how much they differed with Verity seeming to search for a meaning of life whereas Sebastian merely lived it. You just highlighted their differences in a really beautiful way!

Your description of Muggle and magical London was really great and added so much! I know itís only minor here as Iím in a bit of a rush but I really loved it and it added so much to the scene! You just captured Muggle London brilliantly and got the spirit of it which is the thing about it that I loved the most.

The mention of Fred and George was great as they havenít cropped up in a while and I wonder how long it will take for Verity to get closer to the pair of them. The mentions from Sebastian was an ingenious thing on your behalf as it will allow them to feature more in an innocuous way.

The small things in this chapter were great. I have a few things vying to be the favourite currently, the mentions of their neighbours and the shouting from them, the bookshop scene with the maps and then the old man looking for Borgin. They were just tired together effortlessly and really tied in with the theme of collecting and memories as the mish mash of these things arenít ones you would forget easily.

An amazing chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi! :D You are so sweet! It has definitely been too long since I've updated this, and I'm glad you didn't forget about it!

Aw, I'm really glad you liked those lines. Sometimes I worry they seem a bit over the top, but Verity always seems to come out with these analogies and poetic language.

I'm also pleased you liked the anger between them and how their relationship gets repetitive: I tried to think of little things that would annoy me as well! I'm glad you thought it highlighted their differences as well: they are very different people with different outlooks on the world and how they live their lives, and I think you just described that perfectly here in this review.

Can you tell that I have a slight obsession with London? :$ I went there so many times when traveling and now the only way I can really visit it is through my stories, which I adore doing. :) I'm so happy you think I got the spirit of Muggle London across: thank you! :D

Yes, they didn't seem to want to make an appearance in this chapter but definitely will in the next. I thought Verity would squirm a little after Seb mentioned them, hehe.

I love those small scenes and details too! The alley with the maps actually is a real place in London and I hope I did it justice, it's such a cool spot! I also loved writing that story with the old man and adding in little stories and ideas Verity collects, it makes this story so diverse and exciting to write.

Thank you so much for this amazing review! :D


 Report Review

Review #20, by Mathilde The Clearwater Remains

8th October 2013:
Hello there! I don't read this website as often as I did in the past years, so I don't usually drop a review but WOW!! Your story is magnificient! It's not easy to depict an OC so well, but you did it! Verity is a fascinating little thing, your characterization of her is perfect! I particoularly like the fact that she is just a step away from darkness and that she is just beginning to appreciate how horrible the world that surrounds her is (or is soon to become). You left me wondering about what she is going to do when the Death Eaters will use the shop to get to Hogwarts, but maybe your story won't go that far in the future? Another thing that I liked is the fact that George is not at all prejudiced against her because of her work but on the contrary he likes her immediately; anyway I like so many things about this story that I will not list them all, I will simply say that I love everything about it!
I really hope to read another chapter soon!
Mathilde

Author's Response: Hi! I feel I first need to say this review was such a lovely surprise and it really made my day. I'm so honoured you're enjoying my story, and even described it as magnificent! :) Thank you!

I'm very pleased that you enjoy Verity, I love writing her and feel her character and voice is very unique. I really wanted her to be sort of inbetween the binaries of good and evil: she's just working at the shop because she's good at it and enjoys it, not to pick any particular side. I'm glad you're liking George as well, and how he's interested in her and not prejudiced. They're such a fun pair to write about.

The next chapter just got validated today, and I hope you enjoy it! Thank you again so much for this incredible review! :)


 Report Review

Review #21, by nott theodore The Clearwater Remains

15th August 2013:
Hi darling! It's taken me far longer than it should have to get here and leave this review, but I finally made it!

The opening of this chapter, with Verity visiting Mrs Clearwater, was lovely to read. I think that you're managing to portray the grief that they share very well. You're really a master of showing and not telling, with the subtle mentions of Mrs Clearwater's trembling hands and the way that it seemed like someone had been hugging the pillow, both of which help to convey her suffering without just telling us it's happening. It's such a pleasure to read such high quality writing.

I was really struck in this chapter by just how much Verity's actually lost in her life. So far the main focus of this story has been the loss of Penny, her best friend - it's completely understandable and is going to impact her a lot. I'm curious to see how the grieving process continues in future chapters. There were subtle mentions at times, like the glimpse of Penelope out of the corner of her eye and the fact that she still couldn't perform magic, which emphasised the effects that the loss is having on her. But then there was also the reminder that Verity, at only 19, has lost both her father and her mother as well as her best friend. All of this and the war hasn't even properly begun - I'm a bit nervous about how many more people she's going to lose through the course of it.

Another aspect I loved here was the fact that Verity remembered - and wasn't afraid to remember - Penelope as she actually was. When people die it is so easy to be afraid to think about their faults and flaws, but they're what makes people real, so it's quite good to see that Verity is actually remembering those elements of Penny's character.

Gemma's introduction was great! I loved the description in that scene, and the Hunted Unicorn even sounds like an English pub, without your beautiful descriptions of it. The atmosphere was built up well and I thought it fit to see Gemma and Verity meeting there. Gemma seems like quite a different character to what we know so far of Penelope, but I think it's good for Verity to still have friends she can meet. I'm looking forward to seeing the pair of them go to this Irish night (there had to be one, didn't there? :P) with Dray. I have a sneaking suspicion that George will be there...

The flashback to their fifth year at Hogwarts was really interesting to read. I felt like we definitely got to see Penelope's character develop through that section, and understand more of Verity's memories of her. She's such a big influence on her life and this story, even though she's died. It was great to see another side to Percy portrayed as well, since there must have been something that attracted them to each other and meant that the relationship lasted for at least two years (that we know about).

I absolutely love the way that you weave history and different people's stories into this one. It really helps to set Verity up as someone who does collect stories and is interested in other people's lives, perhaps as an escape from her own, when we witness her recalling the story of Gemma, which she discovered over a bottle of wine, or little Bess. I have a feeling that the presence of Bess is symbolic, as well. I had goosebumps when I read about it, actually, but it's the perfect ghost story.

The mystery that you're building up here is so intriguing! I want to know what Penelope was doing meeting Aaron Hall, since I'm presuming that there is a reason the two of them were murdered. I wonder if this Christian character will be the next, or if Verity will find him and be able to ask him about what Penelope was doing? But even though I don't think Penny's been a part of the Order, she's clearly started working something out to do with Voldemort and I suspect that's why she was killed. M.M as well - I'm running through all the possibilities and the best I've come up with (I think the most likely) so far is Minerva McGonagall. I'm really so curious about this!

Verity and George! ♥ They're just so cute together and I love the way that you're building up a gradual friendship and then relationship between them. George seems more serious than usual, and I suppose that's partly because he likes Verity and is trying to impress her, but it fits since he's normally the quieter twin.

I thought you characterised the twins perfectly! The relationship between the pair of them is hard to get right but I definitely think you managed it here. Fred seemed more boisterous while George was calmer, but there's this understanding between the two which comes from them being so close - the way that Fred was almost teasing when he saw Verity but also got out of the way for George (who had clearly been talking about meeting Verity in the shop!). You've also managed to start adding some more depth to George's character and a vulnerability (with his claustrophobia) that we don't really see in the books.

You almost killed me with this line:
"I've never known anyone who died"
How can you put something like that in there so casually?! Within a couple of years he'll know lots of people who've been killed, including poor Fred! Gah, it's just so horrible to think about!

There were just a few typos I noticed:
"with the serious, be-speckled face of my old headmaster" - I think you mean 'bespectacled'
"I'm a little clausterphobic" - claustrophobic

I'm so excited to see how you're going to develop the friendship and then relationship between Verity and George. She's definitely in denial at the moment about Voldemort being back, but I hope that George will help her to see that he really has returned and that they'll be able to work on the mystery surrounding Penelope's death together. The Aurors are useless (which fits with the facts from canon) at this time, so they'll have to do it themselves!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hello! Ah, this is the review to end all reviews!!! Really, you've out-done yourself, and I absolutely love this review and knowing your thoughts on this chapter.

I'm very happy to hear you like the portrayal of grief so far, and Mrs. Clearwater making an appearance. I thought that she would be quite important to Verity and that they would want to reach out to each other after losing Penelope, and I'm glad the relationship comes across as believable while still leaving some things unsaid through the little details.

You're right, Verity really has lost a lot of people, the poor girl! As you might have noticed, she conceals her grief for both her parents very well, almost as if she can hardly admit it to herself, and focuses a lot of attention on mourning Penelope, a loss which she feels especially poignant since Penelope was there for her when her mother died (more about this in the next chapter! :P).

I'm so pleased you noticed how Verity doesn't idealize Penny, but remembers her as she was, faults and all. You're so perceptive, as always! I thought it an important trait of Verity as a "collector" to notice truthful things about people nad tell their stories honestly, not sugar-coated, though of course this is tricky for her to keep up at all times, especially when she misses Penny!

I'm glad you also liked Gemma, and the scene at the pub! My love for all things English is definitely coming through in this story... Gemma is very different from Penelope, but certainly a good friend for Verity. And yes, of course there had to be an Irish night... anything to include leprechauns! :P

I thought that to ground the story in canon and expand on who Penelope really was, it's really important to show what she would have been like at Hogwarts and how the friendship dynamic would have been. I think Percy is a great character and of course important to Penelope's canon, so adding him into the memories was enjoyable as well.

Ah, thank you! :) That's my favourite part of this story as well, including the little anecdotes and stories and how Verity focuses on them, as you said, to avoid dealing with her own problems. Bess' ghost story was so sad, and quite creepy to write as well, but yes, could be symbolic, so I'm glad you liked it! :)

Writing these mysterious aspects of the story is actually so intimidating, I'm so worried I'm going to forget a crucial detail or leave an obvious plothole! That being said, it's really interesting and fun to come up with the mystery surrounding Penelope's death and whether Verity will figure anything out or not. So, perhaps a little more will be revealed in the next chapter! :)

I'm really, really happy to hear you like how George comes across, and how him being a little more serious works well for potentially having a crush on Verity. Writing JK's original characters so intimately is very intimidating, but rewarding to know if I did them justice. I'm glad you thought the relationship between the ttwins fit well as well, and that George comes across as a little deeper than in the books: of course, Verity is getting to know him as an individual and in a different way than Harry! :P

Ah, I know, that line was very ironically cruel! :( Writing about these characters just before the war is so saddening, since they have no idea what is going to happen.

I'm so glad you're excited about reading on, and I really hope to have the next chapter up in the near future! (It's turning into a beast of epic long proportions, why does this keep happening to me?!) Thank you so much for leaving this amazing review, you wonderful lady! :)


 Report Review

Review #22, by marauderfan One for Sorrow

20th July 2013:
Ahh! I'm excited to see you've got another WIP going, because I love your writing. And this is really cool. You've managed to do it again - pick a really obscure minor canon character and tell a very rich story.

The first thing that impressed me about this was Old Wendy, actually. I remember reading about some old hag selling fingernails or something in Knockturn Alley during HBP, and never thought much of her - but just the fact that you've made her a caring and lonely person with a back story is so impressive. She's so much more human now.

I also like the personality you've ascribed to Penelope Clearwater, who in the books is just "Percy's girlfriend" and nothing more. But here, I feel as if I've known her for years too.

Also, I'm so curious about Verity! The daughter of Burke (As in Borgin and Burke's), but I'm assuming this is the same Verity that later goes to work for Fred and George, which should be interesting to see.

And as always, you writing style truly is amazing. Your description flows so easily and naturally, it's poetic. I really liked the description of Verity sliding away from Sebastian "like rainwater over glass".

This is such a sad chapter, detailing the grief of Penelope's death and all the memories of her in the past, and how Verity and Sebastian's once idealised relationship has started to change in ways they don't like but it seems they're trying to ignore.

What a powerful opening chapter. You are amazing Lululuna :)

Author's Response: Hello! :) Ah, I'm so sorry for this late response, but this review was really lovely to receive and I'm very excited that you took the time to check out my other WIP.

I really enjoyed the character of Old Wendy as well, and I'm very glad she stood out to you. Knockturn seems like such a rich and unique place to me and I wanted to populate it with dogdy characters who have more depth to them than seems at first glance.

I'm glad you're enjoying the development of Penelope and her personality, and find her likeable. And that you're intrigued about Verity as well! She's such a fun character to explore and I'm glad you like her so far and are curious about her future.

Thank you so much for your lovely comments about my writing style! I'm very honoured that you enjoyed it. It was a sad chapter, and there's a lot more angst and reflection coming in future chapters, but I'm so happy you liked the chapter and the story so far! :) Thank you for taking the time to leave me a lovely review, it really made my day! :D



 Report Review

Review #23, by patronus_charm The Clearwater Remains

15th July 2013:
Woo I finally made it here!

I thought the scene with Verity and Mrs Clearwater was really lovely. Even though the conversation between the pair of them was limited I felt as if there were a lot of things left unsaid and left like that for the better. You really captured there silent understanding and it was a really lovely moment. When they were talking about the other one killed it was really heart-breaking, because I could tell that they were going to be a lot more to come and they could to. The feelings you captured really were wonderful.

The description in the scene with Gemma was really great. I could really feel the atmosphere of the Hunted Unicorn and sense everything in there and I rarely get that in stories. Another thing which I really liked was how you didnít just stick to setting description but went into detail with Gemma and her personality and that was really great. Iíve really got a sense of her and I canít wait to see more as that conversation intrigued me and I feel as if sheís going to have an impact on the rest of the story.

The way that Penelope continues to play in Verityís mind is really interesting and I canít wait to see how her death shapes the rest of the story and Verityís life. Seeing her in the flashback was really great too because Iím building my own opinion of her now and not just what Verity thinks of her. The way her and Percy got together was really lovely and I liked how you made him seem romantic which I never thought would happen. Learning about Seb and Verity was really interesting too, and it was if they were pushed a little together which may explain the friction between them now.

The mystery seems to think with the story about Bess acting as great prelude to this part of the chapter. I liked the connection Penny had with Bertha and Aaron and it just adds so much mystery and suspense to the story, I canít wait to see what itís about as Iím sure it will be great. Then the mystery ink! I need to know now!

The conversation between Verity + George = &hearts. I really love how youíre slowly building it up to their friendship and then I guess more. I really loved all of their little banter. One thing I did notice was that George seems to be taking himself more seriously than usual so itís making me wonder whether he does feel something more towards Verity than being acquaintances. I especially loved it when they went to the shop because the romance and mystery developed there!

Another excellent chapter and I canít wait to read on!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hola! I'm sorry for taking so long to respond to your amazing review! I'm glad you liked the interaction with Mrs. Clearwater and found it believable and left things unsaid. I'm pleased to do their grief justice and explore the dynamic!

Ah I'm really pleased you liked Gemma, she was one of the first characters I came up with while planning the story. Since I love English pubs it's great to hear the atmosphere of the Hunted Unicorn came across well. She'll definitely be making more appearances as the story goes on!

I'm glad you find the lingering memories of Penelope interesting and I'm glad you're getting your own impression of her. The flashback was very fun to imagine and I'm planning to have many more to give a strong idea of Verity's memories of Penny. Ah, I'm glad you thought Percy had some romance and a different side to his character.

It's great to know you're enjoying the mysterious aspects and the connections between the different deaths. It's tricky to write, since there are so many plotlines and characters, but I'm really enjoying it! :)

Aw, I'm so glad you like George! They are cute and I really enjoy writing him and how they interact. You're right, George definitely does have a little attraction at least for Ver. :)

Thank you for a wonderful review! :D I hope to have the next chapter written and up sooner than later. Also, thank you so much for the questions on my MTA page, I've been so busy with traveling but loved recieving them and have been slowly working on my response! You're awesome my dear! :D


 Report Review

Review #24, by marauder5 The Clearwater Remains

14th July 2013:
I feel bad that it took me this long to read and review this chapter, but here I am, finally! And I'm so glad to see that your brilliance continues, haha :) Really, you have such a talent for story-telling, it's incredible. Honestly, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you will become a published author in the future, so that I can buy all your books and read them over and over and again!

Okay, let's move on from my obsession over your writing skills to the chapter. I think you describe Verity's grief very realistically, like in the beginning when she's talking to her mother and almost see Penelope in the corner of her eye. I can't quite explain why, but it was so touching. Perhaps it was because I think of it as Verity's way of trying to comfort herself - pretending that she's still there.

I also really enjoyed the scene with Gemma. She sounds like a lovely character that I can't wait to see more of, and I really liked the waitress as well. The live music night at the bar seems interesting. I can't wait for it, as I have a really strong feeling that George will be there :D

And getting a glimpse of Penelope and Percy's relationship was absolutely wonderful. I'd love to see more it; for example, will you include why they broke up? From that little fragment we got to see, they seemed to be so happy together!

The idea of Verity being a collector of stories is just so clever. The story about Bess the ghost was so good, so tragic and horrible, and probably my favourite part of this chapter. It was perfectly written, not too long but detailed enough for it to really make an impression.

I was also absolutely thrilled when she ran into George again! I know I said it in the last chapter, but it's worth repeating: you write him so, so well! I just love him as a character. Reading this, I've realized how little we really see of him in the books. He's always around with his funny comments, but I look forward to reading this story, in which I assume you'll explore his character more deeply. I can't wait for it. It was also really nice to see how he relaxed when Fred was around (and it made me sad too because Fred only has two years to live...) :(

And Geoge will convince her that Voldemort is back! Then, I'm sure they'll be able to solve Penelope's murder, and Aaron Holden's murder.. I just realized now that is why the Aurors haven't really done anything, because they, like Fudge, claim that it's not true. It's great that you include those details to make it compatible with canon and what's going on in Harry's world at the same time.

I loved this chapter, and as always, I look forward to the next one. Keep up the wonderful work! :)

Author's Response: Hi! Ah, I don't even know where to start, this review was just so incredible and lovely and awesome! This story is quickly becoming my baby so getting this positive feedback is really encouraging and makes me happy. So thank you! :D

How sweet are you?! Really, I'm so flattered you like my writing and story-telling, that is such amazing praise. :)

Ah, well I'm glad you're still liking Verity and finding her grief believable and interesting. I feel so sorry for her experiencing all of these feelings, but the grieving process is a really important part of the story and I think she would still be seeing and having trouble believing Penelope is entirely gone.

I'm also so pleased you like Gemma, her character and her appearance in the story was one of the first things I came up with and wrote while planning the story. As for your suspicion about George making an apperance, well that is definitely a good guess! :P

I'm definitely going to include a lot more about Percy and his relationship with Penny, since the fact that they dated is one of the only real canon facts about her and because Percy is such an intruiging character to me. We definitely haven't see the last of him, or of the flashbacks to Verity's Hogwarts years- they're so fun to come up with! :D

I'm so glad you liked the Bess anecdote because the little minor characters and side stories are so interesting and exciting for me to come up with. Hopefully it wasn't too creepy, and was interesting and symbolic instead! :P

I'm so pleased you like the way I've been writing George, I'm always concerned about doing him properly. I agree, he's not really particularly deep in the books and I want to go into depth with his character and give him more emotion and diverse qualities. I'm glad you liked the little detail about Fred, and yes, it's just so upsetting to think about Fred's death while I'm writing this! :(

Haha I love your predictions! It's great to hear you like the connections to canon, and the useless-ness of the Aurors at the moment. There's definitely a lot more to come. :)

Thank you thank you thank you for your amazing support and feedback on this story, it's so lovely of you and I really enjoy reading your words! Hopefully I'll be able to update this story soon! :D


 Report Review

Review #25, by Gillian Knockturn Alley

30th June 2013:
I love your story so far. Good intro about Clearwater and I like the blushing bits with George and Verity. Hope you update soon, really love it :)

Author's Response: Hi! :) I'm so glad you're liking the story, and especially the little interaction between George and Verity. I really love writing the story, and the next chapter is in the works. Thank you so much for the review! :D

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>