Reading Reviews for Twelve
  
86 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Phoenix_Feather49 The Almost End of March

13th July 2014:
Holy moly, you're right- poor Scorpius really isn't having an easy time right now.

So it's been, what, three months since my last review? Oh gawd that's terrible. I'm so sorry! I had my exams and then I have my summer job which is a pain so I just haven't found the time to leave a proper review... Until now! I really hope you haven' forgotten me!

Dayum Scorpius, you've got it REAL bad for Rose now. But I love the "What if he simply kissed it softly and delicately, in the way Rose should always be kissed" bit because that really shows the gentle nature of Scorpius in comparison to Marcus' forceful natures later on when he kisses her in front of Scorpius. It really shows how much Scorpius cares for Rose and I really liked that touch.

How awkward was that meeting with Marcus though? Way awkward is the answer. I felt uncomfortable for them! The way he kissed Rose to prove a point to Scorpius was gross- fantastically in character- but still, well, yuck. I do kind of pity him though because he obviously is completely infatuated with Rose... But that kiss and territorial hug just shows how that infatuation is not particularly a good thing- perhaps a little unhealthy.

Poor Skylar- I feel terrible for her! That was the ultimate embarrassment... I'm just imagining copies of my diary being sent out from when I was younger... *Shudder*... I hope she's okay- I want Scorpius to talk to her so badly but he is kind of right- considering he's the one who technically did it, it would just be cruel. You're right- these are the sort of tasks that make Scorpius wonder and consider whether he can let himself become this cruel of a person in order to get the shop. It shows how much he loves the shop- which is kind of touching- but also perhaps how selfishly obsessed he is... I am staring to wonder where Scorpy will draw the line.

BUT YES FOR DOMINIQUE! I can't wait for this task! It should be interesting to see how he's going to manage to make her jealous... How is he going to win her over anyways? So excited to keep reading to find out!

NOT THE NINJAS! I know, I really need to get updating... I feel terrible. I've got a few one-shots I've been working on and about 4 longer projects and I can't pick which one to work on. I've got such awful writer's block, seriously. I'll have a burst of inspiration and write 3 chapters in an hour and then leave it for months because I have no idea what to do next! Ugh, maybe the ninjas are in need :D I am working though and thanks so much for your interest!

Anyways, another fantastic chapter. I'll move right on to the next chapter when I get home from work tomorrow!

Author's Response: Yeah it’s only going to get worse for Scorpius before it gets better. Of course I remember who you are, I was hoping that you hadn’t forgotten about me. I understand, taking summer classes myself so yeah schools awful, but I’m glad you finally found time, I love getting feedback from you. I would do the same for you if you, cough, cough, had a story.
Bad doesn’t even begin to describe it. Read the next chapter then tell me what he has. That whole paragraph is one of my favorites from the story. I remember putting that line somewhere else in the previous chapter but then moving it to this one. I thought that it would show a more gentle side to him than Marcus, sort of like he would do the same thing as Marcus, but his priority would be in treating Rose right, if that makes sense.
I think that Marcus felt a bit threatened by Scorpius in the moment, I mean her and Scorpius were in an awkward position. Glad you felt uncomfortable, that was what I was going for. Marcus isn’t above using someone to prove a point even if that person is Rose. Yes he likes her a lot but he also sees an advantage to being with her.
Poor Skylar is right, she is not done in the story. Scorpius will talk to her at some point in time, but I honestly just couldn’t have him be the one to see if she was alright. It would have been beyond cruel. I mean it’s weird because it did kill Scorpius to do it, but at the same time, he did do it. I’m going to be interested to see the response to latter chapters about Scorpius actions. Because as much as he wants the company and as desperate as he was in the beginning, that is only going to take his sympathy so far, and I think this is the chapter where his sympathy does change. Regardless of the fact that he felt guilty about Skylar it dosent change his role in the bet. I’m even torn on my opinions of Scorpius in this story, because I know he has a good heart.
Yeah Dominique is next so get ready for some Drama, April is a very plot pushing month.
I wont have to send the Ninjas if you would just post. FOUR projects and you cant pick one. UGGG. That’s it the Ninjas are coming. If it helps when I have an idea I usually try to plan out a scene that is pretty far into the story first, that way I can start setting up my plot to fit it. I realized when writing Fighting, that going chapter by chapter really was a mistake because it left a few continuity issues. So with this story I randomly had the idea of summer and what Rose, Scor, and Al be doing over summer, but I hate reading ff stories that are just summer because it feels so none ff, but that’s how the plot took on the whole one year aspect, and then I had the question of why a year, which led to about fifteen other questions and an outline. Anyways if you ever want to talk about your potential stories message me on the forums. I would love to hear your ideas and maybe persuade you into actually picking one and actually posting it!
Anyways thanks for the review, I’m excited to see what you think of the next chapter because it is a good, in my opinion.


 Report Review

Review #2, by Rose_Red6 A Hint of April

16th June 2014:
Loved this chapter, made me happy to finally read it. This story is so great!

Author's Response: So glad that you liked it. The next chapter is almost done. Thank you for reading.


 Report Review

Review #3, by dracodarlingxx A Hint of April

16th June 2014:
ooo Scor is really getting serious about Rosie :D :D
and i'm nervous about what Dom and Raven are planning. is Dom going to seduce Scor or something? because that will mess with Rose, and mess with Scor's 12 month dare. And where's Marcus?! Not that I'm complaining, 'cos he's not exactly my favourite character :') :') i liked seeing more of Al, 'cos I do love him :) looking forward to chapter 11; please update soon xx

Author's Response: He is getting a little bit serious, but i dont think he likes it too much. Dom isn't going to do anything that Scorpius doesn't want, however remember his task with her, so if he succeeds chances are she wont be too happy with him in the end so it may not affect the whole 12 month plan. Marcus was supposed to be in this chapter but he will definitely be in the next one. He may not be your favorite character but he is fun to write. Al will be added in slowly but you will be seeing more of him. Thing about doing 11drafts is that i have chapter 11 practically finished. I just have to work out a couple of scenes but the general idea and point of the scene is there. So i should have an update soon. Thank you so much for reviewing.

 Report Review

Review #4, by Sharvi A Hint of April

15th June 2014:
Hallo!

I loved the flashback! The whole scene was so adorable with the pears, somehow it reminded me of when children talk to their stuffed toys and pretend to be a teacher or something. It seems like such a perfect beginning to Rose and Scorpius' friendship!

After last chapter I was wondering how Rose would react, and I guess she lived up to my expectation of trying to face the situation head on (though I was secretly hoping that she would realize that enjoyed being close to Scorpius more than Marcus).

And then there's the whole thing with Dominique! When Albus asked "what's the worst she could do?" I could see some sort of foreshadowing. Gah, why do I feel that she's going to date Scorpius to break up Rose's friendship and he's going to use her for the bet?

Anyhoo, I really really want to what's coming up next!! Oh, and do you foresee Albus and Scorpius becoming friends at some point because I would love to see more scenes between the two of them!

Author's Response: It's so funny that you mentioned the line about the teacher, because that's what I was going for. I think I removed the line, but at one point I had written Scorpius assumed that she would have bent down and patted their backs, if pears had backs. I went on Potter more and took the wand quiz for both Scorpius and Rose and I found it really ironic that they both ended up with Pear wands which is how the idea came to be. I thought it was a sweet and so Rose like beginning for them.
Anything that Rose may feel for Scorpius at the current moment in time is probably going to be chucked up to an accident. She is so used to having Scorpius as her friend that I'm not sure she can really see past anything that may be more, it's foreign to her so she takes the logical reaction to it, which is friendship. Although i'm sure the moment with Scorpius probably did make Rose extremely nervous.
This was originally not the chapter that I planned on posting. So far the events that I had planned to happen so far have been pushed back twice because I originally wanted it to end with the last chapter, and the issue was Dominique. As annoying as she is I want to keep her in character, and we know Scorpius' reasons for pursuing her, the probable that kept occurring was why on earth would she purse him. I somehow couldn't make that work with out giving her too much sympathy or making it justifiable to Raven, because as girl code goes, you don't date your best friends ex. I'm not entirely pleased with this idea that it might be planned based on revenge, I find it a bit clichéd but it does work. It does give Dominique a reason to peruse him and continue to peruse him and it wont affect the entire plot line of the story, because I already had a feeling that that would part of Dominique's motives but I sort of thought that they would come around more after she realized that it would bother Rose. So yeah, defiant forshadowing there. But it is needed, April is a big changing point for the story, so much to happen, that will go straight into May, which is where the whole idea came to me, there is a lot of big stuff coming up that I am so excited about.
There might be some bonding between Albus and Scorpius. There are defiantly some key events to come that might enhance their relationship and whose knows friendship may be the end point. Anyways thank you for the review I loved responding to it.


 Report Review

Review #5, by Ann A Hint of April

14th June 2014:
This chapter reminded me that it's not so much about the events that happen to the characters (though obviously that matters) but it's about how the characters react and what actions they take

Author's Response: Yay, a review. I was about to think that no one was going to review this chapter. You are very right and that's the point i'm trying to convey with this story. That events are only a single solitary incident that don't always define a person, but that a person's reactions to said event are what helps define them. Thank you for the review and for reading.

 Report Review

Review #6, by Rose_Red6 A Birthday Whish for March

8th June 2014:
Please post the next chapter when you have the opportunity :(

Author's Response: I am finishing it up right this minute and it is going in for validation so it should be up this week. Thanks for sticking with me.

 Report Review

Review #7, by Hani A Birthday Whish for March

24th May 2014:
When will you update??

Author's Response: Soon. Hopefully next week. I know I have been saying that but school took over my life, and then when I started writing chapter 10 there was something about it that I just didn't like. It was taking a very different direction so I have had to restart it. So I have been working on it today and I hope to.finished it tomorrow and I got a beta for the story so... Hopefully it will be soon. Thank you for sticking with me.

 Report Review

Review #8, by Zahra The Last of February

16th May 2014:
I'm conflicted, I usually don't like Rose with anyone other than Scor, but Marcus seems to be really trying and they are nice together. Although Rose and Scorpius moments are just too incredibly adorable!

I really loved they way you described of how owls learned deliveries and how Scorpius made her speechless was ingenious!

Author's Response: Yeah, I usually get people who hate Marcus or who are conflicted, I don't get many who like him. They may be nice together but are they good together? Marcus is still doing the bet, he may be changing an aspect of his life for Rose, but there is still that part of him that is sort of jerkish.
Thank you, I always wondered how the owls were trained, so this is my attempt to explain that. Also Rose is in for a few more surprises before the story is over. Thank you so much for reading and the lovely review.


 Report Review

Review #9, by Phoenix_Feather49 March Madness

21st April 2014:
*Hides*

I know, I know, I'm a horrible person who hasn't reviewed in so long! I'm so sorry that I abandoned you and your story- I've just had a lot going on... One word: SCHOOL. Oh, and 4 family members and 4 friends birthday's (including mine woo!). I think it should be illegal to have that many birthdays so close together because I now have no money. Yey.

BUT, this was an interesting chapter to come back to and cheer me up in the midst of my revision! Damn, Scorpy, you've got it baaad for Rose now my friend! I felt so uncomfortable and so sorry for Scorpius when he ran into Rose and Marcus in the library. It must be very hard, horrifying and kind of creepy to run into your evil cousin snogging your best friend/super secret crush. Although, I've got to say that a part of me was a bit like, "Woo! Go Rose!" I'm not struck on Marcus because I do think he's a bit of a smarmy git (a good character nonetheless) but I've had the realisation that I am happy for Rose to be getting some. I like this whole story because Rose and Scorpius haven't been secretly in love all of this time and it's only just becoming apparent. I really like that Rose is growing in confidence with relationships and is showing that she is her own person who can do her own thing and have her own relationships without Scorpius.

Wow, if that made any sense to you, I'm impressed. I'm not even particularly sure it made any sense to me...

Now, Dominique. Wow. Ouch Dom, you are stuck up cow. But I do love it when she's in it. Marcus and Dominique would be the meaniest couple- the world would implode from their combined meaniness. When she said, "It was just a plant Rose." I nearly jumped into my computer screen to give her a piece of my mind. NO IT WAS NOT JUST A PLANT DOMINIQUE ARRRGHHH. I thought Rose reacted to Dominique well- I liked the argument as it really showed the clash between the pair's personalities. Dominique is very convincing as a stuck-up teenaged snob: not too over the top but nasty enough that we are completely on Rose's side.

NOW HOT DIGGIDY, I am very glad that Rose asked for Scorpius. Speaks volumes that does- he was the first thing that came to mind... Obviously it's partly because they're best friends but c'mon Rose, your ScoRose is showing.

Also, can't wait for what Scorpius is going to do to Skylar in a slightly sick way. I think I have a guess- is he going to send out copies of pages of her journal so everyone can read it? Because wow Scorpius, that would be perfect but just plain evil. Poor Skylar, she's a very likeable character.

Apologies again for the lateness of this review (what is it? Nearly two months?!). I very much enjoyed this chapter, hopefully see you soon! Don't think I've abandoned you- I've just got 24 exams coming up in a few weeks so all of my time is preparation for that.

Author's Response: Trust me I didn't think you abandoned me. Same thing going right here. I've got 3 research papers and four books I have got to get read by next week when finals start. You think your bad I haven't updated in two months because I've been so busy, people are going to think I abandoned the story! I haven't, but still.
I feel that this chapter is a bit different we do get to see a different side to Rose and it's not exactly what Scorpius thought it was. In a weird way I think Scorpius is guilty of putting Rose up on this pedestal, not that she doesn't deserve to be there, but I think it give him expectations of Rose, so seeing her so differently is slightly uncomprehensible to Scorpius. You think he has it bad now... just read on a few more chapters, you ain't seen bad yet. As for Rose in a weird way I enjoyed writing that scene but at the same time I was woried that it was a bit to unRose but I think it worked out well. Doesn't matter how nice of a person you are you are going to snog you're boyfriend, and felt like the act was natural. I think that the whole Marcus and Rose relationship is good for Rose at the moment. Your right that it is helping her grow and you will see her growing more into her own person. I want to say that Rose isn't a follower by any means but she is sometimes to nice for her own good and that can get in the way of things that she wants. Anyways, glad you like the whole them not being in love for years, I think at one point in time, during pre planning of the story, I had the idea that I was going to have Rose secretly have a crush on him, but I am so happy that i didn't do that. This feels better and more natural. This natural progression in to something more.
As for Dominique I love love love writing her. In most stories they always have her and Rose being friends and like this idea of her just being a shallow brat. And one of my favorite lines is when Rose says "It's Just soap," like seriously that whole conversation is slightly ridiculous. they are talking about plants and Soap... When it comes to Dom I always have to remind myself don't make her too mean, she is shallow but not cruel. She is the person that is always going that she is as innocent as can be, when really she is just a snob.
Anyways the whole asking for Scorpius glad you liked it. You will have to read on to know about Skyler.
Thanks for the review always enjoy your comments. On another not...UMMM you need to get your next story posted so that I can have something to review. I know your busy but seriously I'm lining the Ninja's up again. Maybe summer? Hope to hear from you soon.


 Report Review

Review #10, by keyty The Morning of March

20th April 2014:
Why hello there!

So this was an interesting chapter. You did a good job of bringing back to the surface the fact that in the end this is a ScoRose story. I thought the scene in the snow was pretty cute, and it just goes to show how innocent Rose is. Any other girl would be worried what Marcus would think about it, but Rose knows that they're just friends. It doesn't mean anything romantic (as far as she knows, that is), so she's not worried. I like that Scorpius is (very, very slowly) coming to terms with the way he feels about her. It's about time! :) Haha. I know that Rose will be very slow to feel the same way about him, what with her relationship with Marcus and her inevitable discovery of the bet.

As for Scorpius, I'm glad he didn't just go with this task. I feel like in the end he's just going to do it, because the company means a lot to him. But it obviously is going to affect him very negatively. And I think this will reinforce Marcus's behavior. Because if/when Scorpius completes the task Marcus will know he can make him do anything, and get away with it. As for Rose it's clear she'll be really upset with Scorpius. But I think she'll know something is off with him. If he really doesn't want to do it, she'll recognize this as strange and try to make him tell her what's going on.

I'm not really surprised that Marcus is being so twofaced. What else can you expect? He's just now becoming a 'different person', so he's not going to stop being mean. And clearly they've both got reasons for keeping it a secret from Rose, so it will be a long while before she finds out, I think.

I hadn't really thought about Rose being one of the girls, and that's an interesting thought. I think that the only way she would be one is if Marcus was very confident that she would stay with him no matter what. The only way I can see him using her for a task is saying 'Steal her from me', because if he's that sure of himself he'll think it's impossible. That would be really interesting. Hm. But I'm not sure that will happen. I guess I'll just have to wait and see!

I hope that these were helpful. Feel free to re-request (after a cycle of requests has gone through:) ) and I'll be happy to continue reviewing!

Author's Response: It also shows a little bit that Rose isn't going to choose another guy over Scorpius. Yes she believes that they are only friends and a bit naïvely she believes that everyone else should see that too. I don't think she has ever thought about her and Scorpius relationship as possibly being seen as more, and because of that she isn't going to act differently. She just sees it as being special, and she knows that they are closer than most best friends. If that makes sense. At the current moment I don't think Scorpius is coming to terms with anything. I think he is at that stage of just realizing that she isn't the same girl he befriended in his second year. But his actual confrontation of liking her isn't far off. Yes Rose has a bit farther to go with her feelings of Scorpius than he does, but they will come.
I feel that Socrpius is a bit defiant sometimes and he is going to argue with the things he doesn't agree with, even if he really cant do anything about it. Trust me when I say Marcus already knows that he can make Scorpius do anything. He is feeling a bit untouchable at the moment, besides having the control of the company, he also has Rose. Now yes he may like her, but it would be unrealistic of Marcus to have not at least considered that he can use Rose against Scorpius. That doesn't mean he is going to act on it, but the thought has crossed his mind in passing. But that is Marucs, he has multiple thoughts in a day about how he can play with others. Although now that he is dating Rose, the way he acts upon those thoughts have changed, meaning that he doesn't act on them as much anymore. Rose does become slightly suspicious but unfortunately something is going to happen that may somehow compensate for her suspicion and make her believe something else.
IT will be a long long while before she finds out.
Good prediction, you may just have to keep reading and find out when the time comes.
Thanks for reading.


 Report Review

Review #11, by keyty The Last of February

20th April 2014:
Hello! Addressing your concerns from your request :)

As far as characterization goes, I think so far you're still pretty consistent. All of their actions make sense from what they've done in the past. Rose still acts like Rose, and I do think she was justified in her actions. She's giving Marcus another chance, and so far he's proving to be a somewhat changed man. She knows that he's interested and if she feels the same way why shouldn't she reciprocate? I think you're right, people don't understand because they just want ScoRose. But it makes sense. I haven't seen too many instances where the relationship between Scorpius and Rose was suggested as romantic. There were a few moments where you've hinted at how this could develop, but for now they just see each other as friends. With Marcus it's been a different story. She's been nervous around him, she's liked being around him, and here you can see that she does really like him. Why else would she hang out with him all day? I think it makes sense.

I was a bit surprised at Scorpius when he talked about his lineage, but I guess when you're with someone annoying you probably get a little snarky. Obviously he surprised myself, but like I've said before he's one to speak before he thinks at times. So it still fits in his character for him to say that when he's annoyed. I'm curious to see what he's going to say to Rose about what he saw. Technically she went back on her word and spent her Hogsmeade trip with Marcus, so maybe he'll say something about that. Or maybe kind of hint at it until she confesses? Or maybe she'll just tell him... Mmm maybe not, since she knows how he feels about Marcus. I'm also curious about what his next task will be.

I think I addressed your concerns, so I'm going to go ahead and move on to the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Sorry this response is late. I have been so busy with school I think I may have taken a few years off my life. Anyways Rose is about second chances for people who want them, and Marcus does genuinely seem to want one. In this current chapter, Rose and Scorpius are in that area of being friends still. There is no romantic tension behind them yet. I think the only thing that is really changing is that Scorpius is seeing Rose as a girl who is datable. If that makes sense. Just like she is seeing him as someone who likes other girls. It is no longer just their little bubble, but it is now involve other people.
Scorpius does speak before he thinks and to be honest his snarky reaction is probably the way I would behave too if I was in his shoes. I know the scene between them where Rose tells Scorpius about Marcus isn't shown, but I will say that Rose never planned to keep it a secret. She probably told him on her own, and Scorpius probably didn't seek out the truth to from her because he was upset about it.
Thanks for the reviewing.


 Report Review

Review #12, by keyty More of February

6th April 2014:
And here is the second review!

On Rose: I think you do a good job of balancing out her character. We can tell she isn't naive, but we can also see all the good in her. She has so much hope for everyone around her, but it's obvious she knows when to stand up to someone. I feel like, depending on how the story develops, she could become a bit less faithful in everyone. It would be interesting to see her evolve in that direction, I'm curious to see how it'll play out.

On the moment: I think you did a good job at hinting at some Rose/Scorpius action. People may not have commented on it just because there are a lot of other new developments in this chapter, but it's noticeable. I think that at this point, since it can go either way with who Rose ends up with, people might be hesitant to expect anything of it. Since Marcus and her have already kissed, there's more to go on there. Personally, I'm not sure who I'm shipping with Rose yet. I'm on the fence about Marcus, because I'm not sure if he's really genuine yet. Where Scorpius is concerned, I'm not sure he's emotionally mature enough to be with her. So I still haven't decided who I prefer her with, like I said, it could really go either way at this point. So far you've hinted at a possible relationship with both of them, so it depends on which one you want to pursue.

I think I went into Scorpius a bit in my last review, but I'm happy to touch on it again. Like I said before, he doesn't seem to really think things through. When he said "He is up to something I know it. I mean why else would he like you?" you can tell he regrets it, he just blurted it out before giving it any thought. With this bet it seems that he's controlling himself around the 'targets' Marcus assigns him. I'm wondering if he just can't control himself around Rose, or if he's just being extra careful around the targets as to win the bet. I think it's the latter, because when he's angry he also seems to say whatever he's thinking, regardless of who he's with. I think it would be good for him to learn to control his tongue, because now he's gone and hurt Rose's feelings! Hopefully he redeems himself.

I'm also very curious to see how Rose reacts when she inevitably discovers the bet. It seems like it will happen when Marcus is close to redeeming himself, so it would obviously hurt him there. And clearly it would affect her friendship with Scorpius, so it will be interesting when we see her decide how she wants to deal with the situation. She could pick one, both, or neither. I'm thinking it will be neither at first. Only time will tell!

One word I'd like to point out is, when Sasha was discussing dragons, you used the word bread instead of breed. I may have said this before but I strongly recommend looking into getting a beta. While your plot and characterization are strong, grammar and spelling are also important. A second pair of eyes can be very helpful. Other than that, I think I've said everything!

I'm really liking this story so far! Even though it's got a kind of cliche bet premise, I think you gave it a unique twist. You gave Scorpius a valid reason for pursuing the bet other than pure enjoyment, and you've got Marcus in the mix trying to regain Rose's trust. Please come back to re-request, I'd love to read more!

Author's Response: I'm not going to lie, I am a little bit nervous about making her lose faith. I'm sure it's not hard to figure out why that would be, but I won't truly know until I get to that point writing wise. I have an idea about how she will feel but frequently when I am writing what I thought the character would feel, and what that really feel are two completely different reactions. It may be interesting to see her evolve into that but at the same time I think it would be a little bit heartbreaking. I love writing her character at the moment, and I haven't read any stories that have her portrayed in this way. Not that those stories don't exist I just haven't seem them. It's her faith that makes her so unique and special and taking that away i'm curious if it wouldn't destroy her to lose it. Anyways that's all speculations at the moment. I guess I will find out later on when I'm writing.
As for Scorpius no he doesn't think things through and that was one of those moments where he should have just kept his mouth shut. He doesn't always have that filter that tells him when to stop and think. To be honest Scorpius does tend to have very good control of his thoughts and actions around Rose and the other girls. I think its when things come to Marcus that that filter disappears and he doesn't think things through. I mean every time he has always said something that he regrets it usually is always about, around, or leads back to Marcus. He may need to learn to control his tongue but at the same time, Marcus has given no indication that he isn't up to something, at least not around Scorpius. On another note I also don't think Scorpius realizes how badly Rose wants to like Marcus, that might make a slight difference. Redeeming is a bad word, let's just say he has learned his lesson and wont make the same mistake again.
At the current moment a lot of people are thinking that it is going to do more damage against Marcus than it is Scorpius when Rose finds out. I'm not sure why, not saying they're right or wrong but i'm curious where this idea is coming from. Obviously I do know how that turns out and why but I will say some people are in for a shock, if they are hoping that Rose finding out is going to be some huge strike against Marcus by the time it happens.
Thanks i'll fix that after I post the next chapter.
I will say it may be a cliche bet premise but so far from what I have seen there is no other story with this bet premise so is it really Cliche? Sorry I love it when people say something is cliche but in reality the cliche is never done because people feel like it has been done too much before, making the actual cliche rare. (I think in very bizarre ways.)
I'll tell you right now if Scorpius is doing this for pure enjoyment I would not be writing the story.
Anyways thank you for reading and reviewing.


 Report Review

Review #13, by keyty The Beginning of February

6th April 2014:
Hello, back again with your requested review! I'll go ahead and address your concerns.

On Rose: From what I've seen so far, everything she said to Marcus seems to be in character. It doesn't come off as mean to me, but more frustrated than anything else. She's getting tired of him lying and badgering her. Even though she wasn't as sweet as she often is, he did push her past a kind of breaking point, I think. It's understandable for her to (almost) lose faith in him. But of course, she didn't because she's Rose! I'm interested to see how their relationship develops, and what Marcus does in response to this confrontation.

On Scorpius: At the moment, it seems like the bet is still a very recent development. Scorpius seems like a very emotional character, someone that goes with his gut and doesn't always think things through all the way. He seems to be guided by his feelings instead of just his thoughts, which is a good contrast with Rose. Rose is obviously very sympathetic, but she seems to be quite logical as well. She's pretty in tune and in control of her emotions, whereas Scorpius sometimes has outbursts he can't quite get a handle on. At the moment, I think he's kind of torn. He wants the company, but he knows he shouldn't be doing this. It seems to be that he long ago thought his chance of owning the company was a lost cause. Now that it's open again, he can't help but go after it, again following his gut and emotions. I think that if you play it right, throughout the story you can show these two sides of him. The one that wants this so desperately and the one that doesn't want to go on with the bet. I can see him kind of going too far with a girl and then feeling awful about it when he hurts her feelings. To me he doesn't seem like a horrible person at all, just a very desperate person. I hope this answers your question.


So far I quite like the concept of the story. Like I said, it's very original. You have a lot of opportunity for character development. You've got Scorpius, who can mature through this experience. He can learn about the difference between right and wrong, and when you should go with your gut as opposed to when you should think things through. Then there's Marcus, who depending on how he reacts to Rose, can become a better person. It can be tough, and it will probably take a while, but it's very possible. And finally there's Rose. I think that, depending on how Marcus treats her, she might also mature. Though it's sweet to see the good in everyone, it's not always realistic. So if Marcus doesn't ever evolve and better himself, this might help her see that it's not always best to give second, third, fourth, and fifth chances. (Which I'm not saying that she does, but she just seems very forgiving). Right now she's kind of on the edge, and it could go either way. It all just depends, really!

Hopefully this review was helpful to you! Now I'll move on to the next chapter and address all of your concerns there. :)

Author's Response: Sorry it has taken a few days for me to respond. Long reviews always take a while. Yeah I sometime worry that I make Rose too sweet or too out of character, but I felt that if Rose was to get really ticked off she would somehow do it in as pleasant of a way as possible. Being mean is just not in her nature, but being honest is, so i'm glad that that comes across.
I've never really thought about Scorpius that way but you are very very right, he does act a bit more on emotion than logically. I mean obviously he doesn't think before he acts or else he wouldn't be in this situation.
Trust me when I say Rose understands that not everything is good, she is a firm believer that something good can come from anything bad. That will come out in later chapters. She just has a strong faith but she does acknowledge that their is bad. I however don't think Rose will ever stop giving chances. She is the type of person who will be standing beside someone even when they have no one else. That doesn't mean that she is going to put her life aside to wait for someone to come around, and the person usually has to want/ask for a second chance for her to grant it. She's not completely naive.
The review did help. Like you've noted my characters do stand on this fine line and i have to make sure that they stay on it, without them going to far. Anyways thank you for reviewing. I'll get to the next one when I get a chance to sit down and respond.


 Report Review

Review #14, by AlwaysHope A Birthday Whish for March

5th April 2014:
Well this won't be a very long review like all your other reviews because I only want to say that I really like this book and every single day I look if you have updated a chapter! I really, really would like if you would update again it has been such a long time :(. I won't give up on your story and I will check every day for another amazing chapter! By the way I love your writing style and how you make Scorpius discover on his own how he feels about Rose and make him feel guilty yet determined.
XX Nouky

Author's Response: I know it has been too long. I have just been swamped with school, but I finished outlining chapter 10 and I just went on spring break so I'm hoping to be able to get the next chapter finished relatively soon. Thank you so much for reading and checking out this story. Every time I get a review it makes me want to put everything aside and get working on the next chapter faster, so hopefully it wont be that much longer. Yeah I knew from the beginning that I didn't want Scorpius to have someone tell him about his feelings, I always wanted it to be something that he discovered on his own, the same with Rose. It doesn't matter how long a review is I love them all regardless so thank you for leaving one.

 Report Review

Review #15, by keyty Still January

28th March 2014:
Hello there! Here with your requested review :)

I think this is a good start. As far as characterization goes, I honestly think so far Marcus is spot on. Someone as big headed as that will obviously notice when somebody confronts him. It (very slightly) reminds me of Lily and James. James was used to everyone thinking he was awesome, and when Lily felt otherwise, he noticed that. He took interest in her. So personally I think this makes sense, and the fact that he's still rough seems very accurate. I think he just wants to win her over because she's been resisting his 'charm', so he's still forceful. But Rose could easily change that about him if he falls for her!

As for your concern about clarity, I understood everything I read. Not once did I have to go back and say 'Huh? Wait what?' It all made sense to me. I like your word choice, too. You have some good description. As for grammar, I did notice some issues. Something I can recommend is using more commas. You have long sentences with few pauses, and it would be good to add a few in there. That way the sentence doesn't seem so rushed. If you're not comfortable with you grammar you can always get a beta to look over it and give you some pointers. :) I saw a few spelling errors, but nothing too major. They were probably just typos. Just remember to proof read!

I really like how you write Scorpius here. The bit where he says that the reason is his last name kind of struck me. It makes so much sense that his family would be alienated after the war, especially with what his father did. I can see it going both ways, Draco trying to change and Draco standing by his family's beliefs. It would be interesting to see which way you portray it. As for the company, I think it's brilliant. I love the whole clock theme. It's so interesting and unique.

Overall I like this a lot. I think you could go into more detail with description and the character's thoughts. That could add to it quite a bit. You've got a great start here and I can't wait to see where it goes. Please come back to re-request!

Author's Response: Hi. To be honest Marcus' attraction to Rose is more from was born out of that insult not necessarily because he wants to change but more because no one else has done it before. Easily isn't exactly the word I would use. Marcus is a complex character and that's all I can say.
When it comes to comma's I'm a mess. some people say they want more, then at other times people say I have too many... Uggg. I had a beta at one point in time but that didn't work out. Right now I'm on a crash course in learning about how to fix comma splices and run ons. I have found a couple of method but none of which that will be seen until I update. I plan to go back when I have time (which is rare) and attempt to fix the problems. Lastly when it comes to typos usually I'm using words that are spelled correctly but aren't the correct word so I don't catch them. That's a horrible reason but it is the truth. Maybe I do need a beta. lol.
I think regardless of Draco changing or not that the Malfoy name would be somewhat alienated. I haven't really mentioned it in this story, not because it's a secret, but because there is never a good place to really put it. But in this story my Draco is sort of unemployed in a way. He has his means of making money and technically they are legal but not exactly great. He's kind of like a bank he lends money to people who are at their last resorts and then charges interest. Doesn't mean that he is bad but just limited to options.
Actually I'm trying to not give so much detail into character's thoughts. I'm a creative writing major and one of the many things I have learned from my professors is to let the reader think for themselves. Meaning you can't over explain to them. Which I have been extremely guilty of in the past, not in this story but others. So maybe I over did it, i'll have to go back and look. Now descriptions are my weak area and I'm slightly working on it but right now I'm trying to focus on my grammar. One step at a time.
I'm still in debate about requesting for reviews. This is sort of new to me and there are pros and cons to both. The Pro being that it is beneficial to be able to ask specific questions and then get an answer to it which might not happen in a normal reviewing atmosphere. The con is that it feels a bit weird to be asking for someone to read my story and review. Almost like I am forcing it on you and I'm personally not entirely comfortable with that.It's not the same as someone deciding to just read it. But then again it's good to get feedback on the things that I deem as my weak spots but no one else would really think about. So I might re-request a couple of more times before I decided if I can do this and not feel extremely awkward in the process. Thank you for your feed back.


 Report Review

Review #16, by Phoenix_Feather49 The Morning of March

4th March 2014:
Hello there! I enjoyed this chapter very much so, even though it was a little filler-y it gave hints to some very important topics...

I really liked the snow scene between Scorpius and Rose. It was interesting that she chose to share the snow with Scorpius and not the boyfriend. I do think it's a little subconscious thing going on there for Rose- obviously it's something that might always do but I do think there's a hint there ;) I don't however think Rose will realise her feelings are quickly as Scorpius- I definitely don't think she's been harboring secret love for Scorpius for a thousand years and she just never thought it would be returned. I think it'll be gradual understanding, you know? I might be wrong so sue me! Just a feeling I'm getting at the moment.

Anyway, the snow scene was adorable, I really enjoyed that little hint of ScoRose.

I'm starting to believe Marcus but I do think Scorpius is right. No person is purely bad or purely good and I do think Marcus has a good side to him and is maybe a little insecure. But Scorpius is right: Marcus revels in making people uncomfortable and annoying them. I know he's trying to overcome that and is putting that to the side, I do think it'll show even to Rose and she won't like it. Who'll break up with who I wonder? Rose when she realised Scorpius is the one for her? Or Marcus after he's got bored/in a fit of emotion for his cousin/ in a fit of kindness for Rose etc etc.

Nah, I do not like the next challenge. Not going to lie, I'm dreading reading it (in a good way). I'm feeling very tense! I might be a lot less sympathetic towards Scorpius this time next chapter or whenever he's completed the challenge. Humiliate is just cruel for a girl like Skylar. I can of course completely sympathize with Scorpius, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. My slow moving like for Marcus has just dipped, oh dear. Mind you, it might increase when he has another cutesy moment with Rose. I'm very fickle.

Can't wait for the next chapter! See you soon :)

Author's Response: Hey there. It was a little filler but it was also the first sign that there might be something more going on with Rose and Scorpius, or really how deep their friendship is for one another.
I though the scene in the snow would be fun. I know a few people have said that they thought it was odd that Rose chose to share that with Scorpius but I want to mention Scorpius is in Gryffindor and Marcus is in Slytherin, she wouldn't have the password to the Slytherin common room, also I think she really wanted to talk to Scorpius and clear the air. I have the feeling that this was something they had done before and it was one of their things. At the same time though I also doubt that the thought of inviting Marcus ever occurred to her, that she only intended for it to be with Scorpius. No your right Rose in this story isn't a straight to the point with things, she knows he is acting out and that things are changing but her lack of relationship and knowledge of boys will make it hard for her to realize her feelings as quickly as he will. But Scorpius also has something pushing hi to seeing it which is the Rose and Marcus relationship, he is seeing her in the way that other guys may be attracted to her and it is odd to him. You very right this is not going to be one of those stories where she has been harboring feelings for Scorpius for years. As much as I love a good unrequited love plot this just isn't one. At the moment they have a very good friendship and understanding of one another, now don't get me wrong things are about to change and poor Scorpius... I can't even say, you will just have to read and find and see for yourself. But you are right it is going to be a bit more of a gradual understanding... sort of.
No person is truly bad with the exception of Voldemort. Marcus may be a little insecure but it's not enough to make a difference in the way he behaves though. He is trying to overcome it to an extent, if he was truly changing though I think he would call off the bet. As for who will break up with who, I guess you will just have to keep reading to find out. It's not for a little while though.
Yeah I wanted to give a little bit of a harder challenge to show that not all of these task are going to be easy. Some of them are really going to test Scorpius in some of the worst ways and he has to make the choice to complete them or not. I think as a character Scorpius' sympathy will very, he knows what he doing is wrong but at the same time he continues to do it, and it will have its toll on him. Anyways I do hope you enjoy the next chapter. Things are really going to start to become intense over all with the story and I can't wait to hear what you have to say next. Thanks for the review.


 Report Review

Review #17, by Rose_Red6 A Birthday Whish for March

28th February 2014:
I like the lack of Marcus in this episode also as I was reading.
Me:Kiss her
Scor:Thinks about kissing her
Me:kiss her
Scor:thinks about kissing her
Me: KISS HER
Scor:doesn't kiss her
Me: throws phone angrily

Author's Response: Oh don't worry Marcus will be back in the next chapter. (Got to keep the reminder that Rose is very much taken at the moment)
Sorry Scorpius can't kiss her just yet, I have to make you really want it first before I can let that happen. Thanks for the review and reading.


 Report Review

Review #18, by Navera A Birthday Whish for March

26th February 2014:
I have no idea where to start! This chapter was absolutely brilliant! I loved all the little details! So good.

At the beginning when Scorpius shared his secrete with Rose, to me showed how much he wants to share everything with her, but sometimes does not know how to share it. I'm curious to know how he will share the secrete of the bet he and Marcus have going on, I still feel that it is going to break her heart a little when he tells her.

I'm really glad that Rose is standing up for the
Snapdragon Plant for Neville. She really does have her heart in the right place there. I hope that they meet their goal. As for the Head Girl spot, she defiantly deserves to get the position. Dominique does not deserve it even though she wants it. I mean, she went against a professor to get soap (SOAP!) instead of a rare plant that could help out the school! Selfish brat! And so I agree that sometimes, Rose is WAY to nice for her own good. I it wouldn't surprise me if Neville recommended her for the position without her knowledge, it just seems like something he would do.

On to the birthday! I liked how even though it was small, Rose still made a bigish deal about his birthday. I feel like she made him feel special on the big day, even though he had asked her not to do anything big. I thought it was awesome how they celebrated, just the two of them. It made his birthday special. Now the part that was my favorite about this chapter: Scorpius's thoughts when he had her pinned to the table. I had tears in my eyes because of how tender his thoughts were. That is exactly the way she should be treated, I just really hope he gets the chance to trace a path between all those freckles.

I have two main things that I am curious to see in the up coming chapters:
1) Rose's thoughts on what happened on Scorpius's birthday. I would be so interesting to see what she thought as she was underneath him while he smearing icing all over her face and when he was wiping it off her face.
2) Scorpius's plan to make Dominique jealous. I know it wasn't mentioned in this chapter, but I still wonder how he will do it. I cannot see it being in a romaintic way. He is way to in love with Rose to even consider doing something like that (at least in my opinion), although I'm not sure if he knows he loves her yet. But he knows he finds her attractive.

So I can't wait to see where this is going! I have to say, I enjoy reading all your stories, not just this one, they are very well written and thought out out (or at least they come out that way)!

Thank you for sharing!

Author's Response: Scorpius sharing his secret was also him doubting himself and knowing that Rose was the only person who would understand. I think that Scorpius wants to tell Rose everything he is doing. Originally I had Rose ask him if he was hiding something from her, because she knows that something is going on and Scorpius would think "he could come clean now and be over with it. He could tell her everything and although she would be disappointed in him she would forgive him." But I took it out because it made Scorpius seem a little to bad and that is something that people would focus too much on, the fact that he had the opportunity to tell her but he didn't and that he sort of lied to her. It also gave the impression that the company meant more to him than Rose and it didn't sit right with me so I left it with her not pushing him on the subject but knowing that he is keeping something.
Would you honestly expect Rose to not stand up for the plant? She can't bare to see someone lose something without a fight, although she wants it to be a fair fight, what Scorpius is doing would be a completely different issue. Rosedoes deserve the head girl spot, but Dominique is capable of it, she may be a brat but she is determined and she gets stuff done, if she is named head girl I think she would do a good job. Even though she went against a professor to win Soap she was fighting an uphill battle and still managed to succeed so... it's not entirely right but she does have the work ethic for it. Rose does as well but she is way too nice. I will say that the thought of recommending her hasn't occurred to him yet. I think he really wants Rose to stand up and ask him herself, but she wont do it.
She did make him feel special and that is something that Scorpius usually doesn't get out of his family with the exception of his grandfather. I think Rose knew that that birthday was going to be hard and she gave him probably the best girt of all which was a distraction from thinking about it. The whole thing with looking for the candles gave him something to think about and look forward to instead of mulling over the company. Even if he is involved with the bet, there is something so finale about turning seventeen and not already having the company be legally put into a document that is meant for him.
I spent a lot of time on Scorpius' thoughts because I knew they needed to be gentle and romantic along with some what sexual but not have it completely focus on the sexual aspect of it, because Scorpius would never be able to think of Rose as just some shag. He may get the chance, this summer is going to be an interesting one for the two. So who knows.
You will get some insight into Rose's thoughts in the next chapter. She realized the position that she was in with Scorpius and she is starting to realize that they aren't a couple of twelve year olds playing in the snow any more. That they are 16 and 17 years old and that things with them and their bodies have changed.
I fully intended to mention the whole Dominique thing in this chapter but I moved it because I felt that it took away from the Rose/Scor and possibly Scorpius guilt about Skylar. Unfortunately Scorpius doesn't always do the right thing, you will see in the next chapter that these thoughts of Rose and pining after her will have taken a toll on him and his frustration with not having a release for it. You are completely right that he finds her attractive and keep in mind that Rose and Dominique are cousins meaning they do come from the same gene pool.
So glad that you enjoy my stories I spend enough time (especially on this one) thinking and planning them out so I'm happy that it shows. Thanks for the review.


 Report Review

Review #19, by Sharvi A Birthday Whish for March

26th February 2014:
Gah, over 6000 words! Really? You're amazing :) this chapter has become one of my favourites for a couple of reasons. We start of with a typical exchange between Scorpius and Rose where he's questioning the very fabric of his character and she's making him feel better even though she has no idea what's on his mind. I loved the way she didn't demand an answer from him like anyone else would have. Even though she noticed his ill health after the Skylar incident she didn't force him to answer her. That's why I love Rose!

The we get to see how Rose spends her time when she isn't with Scorpius, Marcus or confronting Dominique which is a break from poor Scorpius' existential crisis (though I could read about that for days!) it's great that Neville thought of Rose to be Head Girl and honestly I feel terrible that Rose can even think of giving up what seems like the one thing she wants for herself because of a jealous cousin. Though Dom might be a capable Head, Rose would just be kinder and a great role model. One question is Scorpius a Prefect? I can't seem to remember from any of the past chapters...

Yes, and then we come to Scorpius' birthday celebrations because being with Rose is really all he needs anyway. I need to tell you that the resignation with which he faces it really breaks my heart. So it makes me happy when she's so thoughtful in giving him that particular present and seriously I could imagine Scorpius' look of happiness. And then we proceed to that cake fight.

I could hear my heart beat while reading that! My god, really I thought I might go into cardiac arrest if he kissed her. He wouldn't have minded from what his thoughts indicated, Rose would have hated him for kissing her while she was in a relationship with someone else. (Why Marcus do you enter my thoughts even in a chapter where you aren't even physically present?)

You know what I would love to read? That whole last scene from Rose's POV. What was she thinking? Is she questioning her platonic feelings for our hero (yes, hero)? Or better is she questioning her relationship with Marcus? Probably not. After all Rose is the perfect loyal Gryffindor and she would never hurt anyone like that. Breaking up to just get together with the guys cousin is so not Rose. I just wish it was.

And one last question, if Scorpius would have come clean to Scorpius about the whole bet thing before it really started how would have Rose reacted? I just want to see how Rose would deal with this moral dilemma, because she seems like the person who would stand up for the right thing but has never been faced with a situation where you don't really know what's right because both Marcus and Scorpius are justified to a certain degree and yet they both do wrong. Run on sentences are a disease. Sigh, I hope I could get the message across anyway.

I will see you next chapter!! :D

Author's Response: Yeah I really wanted to get out of March. This chapter was originally longer, but I decided to move some of it over into chapter 10. Now that Scorpius' mind is so preoccupied with Rose he will start to move away from the whole questioning the fabric of his being. He has bigger things to worry about. Rose isn't the type of person to demand an answer from him, but it think it was important to note that she's not an idiot and she does know that there is something going on with him.
It seems at the current moment that Rose really never has any alone time, with either being with Marcus or Scorpius, but she does have other friends and she is pretty close with Albus so it was fun to write a scene with just them in it. A nice break. I think Neville isn't the only professor who has wondered why Rose hasn't asked for a recommendation. But I also think he is the one who may have given her a little bit of a nudge, Rose is sweet and generous but she does tend to step aside when it comes to other people's needs, him saying that it is okay for her to want something may not have changed her completely but I do think that it made her think. Not to mention it is Dominique. I am glad that you noted that Dominique would be a cable head though, because as selfish as she is, she gets stuff done and she knows how to maintain control. No Scorpius is not a prefect he is on the quidditch team though.
I think being with Rose was all he wanted. This particular birthday was harder than others, and I think Rose knew that. Even though she is with Marcus I think she still wants Scorpius to get the company and I'm sure she saw that gift as being a reminder that he is right for the job.
Alright on a random note have you ever heard the song Cardiac Arrest by Bad suns? Anyways your mention of it if they kissed is almost like a line in it, and it is also a song that is in the playlist for this story, so I thought it was ironic that you used that particular phrase. Anyways back to the point, no Scorpius probably wouldn't have minded kissing her until after he stopped and realized just how bad of an idea that would be. They are in no way ready for that yet, not unless they want their friendship ruined, but maybe in a few chapters. Your right Rose wouldn't be happy about it, even if she enjoyed it i'm sure she would feel extremely guilty over it and that she betrayed Marcus.
You will get some insight into Rose's opinion in the next chapter. It won't be a scene from her perspective, but you will see her opinion.
If Scorpius had come clean form the beginning, she probably would still not be so found of Marcus and she would have made sure that Scorpius didn't do it. I honestly think she would say if you go through with this than I don't want to be your friend. But still her reactions wouldn't have been near as bad as it might be when she does find out. Even he came clean to her now she still would be disappointed in him but she would get past it as long as he stopped doing it. She is the type of person to stand up for what is right but she also would feel that this wouldn't just be hurting Scorpius or Marcus, but this is messing around with 12 other girls who had nothing to do with their rivalry. Thats partially why it is so important that they keep it a secret Scorpius so that he wont hurt Rose or be made to stop and Marcus so that she wont break up with him. I know Run on sentences/ comma splices suck. I'm going to go edit the chapter when I get a chance and see what I can do. This chapter was a mesh of hours worth of copy n'pasting and rearranging and it is a mess and I was so tired by the time it was done... It really needs to be edited. Thank you so much for the review. So glad that you are enjoying the story.


 Report Review

Review #20, by Phoenix_Feather49 The Last of February

21st February 2014:
Oooh Scorpy gonna get mad!

Bit of a tense moment to finish up on! I can't wait for the next chapter, will read on ASAP! I'm going to have to make this review quite quick and short as I'm in a bit of a rush but I really wanted to review while I have chance.

Well Rose didn't really break her promise to Scorpius- it kind of happened accidentally. I really liked the whole thing with Toggle (man he is adorable!) as their friendship/relationship was explored a little more and I got a better feel for the pair. Even thought Marcus/Rose has been very well written, up until this chapter I still didn't quite believe them. If you understand me? I just didn't really understand them I suppose but I'm oddly starting not to mind them. Marcus still has a quality (in fact several) that I really don't like, though I can't really put my finger on.

I really enjoyed the insight to why Marcus was taking on his grandad's business . I can completely see why Marcus would want to- that thirst to prove himself is a strength but also could of course be his downfall. He's growing on me but I still don't trust him at all. You've said all along that this will be a Rose/Scorpius so I 'm intrigued to see how that will come about and how Rose/Marcus will collapse. I'm not sure whether Rose will be one of the girls- if she was I'm not sure she could ever forgive either of the boys. Unless Marcus put her on as revenge after they broke up but then Scorpius forfeited the business because he couldn't hurt her? I'm probably completely wrong; I have several more theories though. I don't know but I'm excited!

Thank god Sasha is gone. Phew! I thought the bit about how to make her speechless was really clever. I'm wondering now whether Raven the Evil Meanie will be on the list? That might make Rosie maaddd. That might be fun- break Raven's heart Scorpy! I think Scorpius and Rose's feelings are being hinted at a little more though I could be wrong of course. Just occasionally I think "ooh you two- your ScoRose is showing!".

I can't wait for the next chapter, another brilliant one here! Looking forward to seeing what Scorpius' next challenge is though a little tense! So much for a super short and quick review, eh? Haha! See you soon :)

Author's Response: Scorpius is certainly going to get confused over this new relationship.
No Rose did not break her promise, it was a complete accident although I am sure that Marcus was keep an eye out hoping to see her even though she said she wasn't going.
I thought Toggle was so much fun to write and I thought it would be a good way for her and Marcus to connect, because it is something which she doesn't share with Scorpius. Only Marcus knows about Toggle and I think that helped open the door a little.
I get you, I think Marcus could either be could go either way, occasionally he seems genuine in his feelings and other times it seems that their might be an ulterior motive.
I felt that I had to give Marcus some insight into his perspective of the situation. There is a reason he wont just give Scorpius the company. I think he has mixed feelings sort of like he wants the chance to prove himself but he wishes it was by doing something else. Trust me there will be some Scor/Rose coming up pretty soon. Let's just say that Scorpius is going to be less than thrilled that Rose is with Marcus and it may force him to see her a little bit differently.
Sorry I cant talk about Rose's involvement. But I will say I'm excited about writing the scene where Rose finds out about the bet when it comes. but that's not for a while.
Yeah Sasha is gone and thank goodness she was an annoying person. Trust me there might be one other person that might make Rose madder than seeing Raven, but you haven't gotten to that part yet in your reading but you will see. Slowly but surly their Scor/Rose is coming out.
I really think you will enjoy the next chapter and I can't wait to read the review. Not bad at all for a super quick review. See you soon.


 Report Review

Review #21, by Talya Still January

9th February 2014:
I'm really sorry if that last review came off as me being disappointed - I really love the story! I want to make it clear that it was only that one paragraph really, and I'm still totally enjoying everything else. That character context really does help. I think because it was the second chapter it was surprising, plus personally think 'no' should mean 'no' and that it sends bad messages to say that 'no' can actually mean 'yes', but characters do different things so yeah, the story is still super awesome!

Thank you for such a long response, it is so awesome when authors take the time to write back and explain things :) :)

Author's Response: Oh, Your review didn't come across as disappointed. I just said I hope that you wont be disappointed in the further chapters because you had said I never disappoint. I never thought that you were disappointed. Glad that the character context helps. I do think that the kiss in the second chapter is sudden but I think for the course of the story it really does fit. Glad that you enjoyed the rest of the chapters so far.
No problem about the response I tend to get carried away when answering back to reviews. Trust me that was nothing compared to the responses on other reviews on several occasions I have exceeded the space limit allowed for a response. But the way I see it is that you were nice enough to take the time to Review then you deserve the same courtesy with a decent response. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.


 Report Review

Review #22, by Phoenix_Feather49 More of February

8th February 2014:
Hi again! Not too late really, but not as early as I hoped... But I'm here now :)

Marcus is freaking me out now- he does seem to really be making an effort and is actually being nice! I still don't think I trust him, but I can see why Rose would be attracted to him now. If he's willing to change for her, then that's good. But also a little fickle: one of my friends is seeing a girl and he thinks she's great (and she very nice) but he's willing to turn himself into something he's not for her. And it sort of seems like Marcus is doing that, but I'm not sure the reasoning is the same. He's such a slimy character, he's got to have an ulterior motive really, hasn't he? It doesn't ring true, and honesty, when you try and change yourself like that, it doesn't really last or work, does it?

I very much enjoyed that little Rose and Scorpius scene when she fixed his hair. Little hints of ScoRose there! I loved the fact that he didn't want Sasha to change it again- oh, Scorpius, can't you see that Rose is the one for you? But what Scorpius said to Rose about Marcus and why else would he like her... Ouch, man. If I was Rose, I would snap and sass out on him. Rose did very well to sort of keep her cool which played true to her character. To not talk to Scorpius for the rest of the day is understandable, although of course, Scorpius' slip of the tongue is something we can comprehend. I mean, why would someone like Slimy Marcus like Rose? Bit incompatible, but I can see the attraction with the insults.

I liked the insight into Rose and Marcus' developing relationship- Rose is very aware of everything which I think is good. She's still a very independent character and not a typical Mary Sue.

Sasha now... Wow, I don't like her. She's a very believable character- everyone can be a bit of a Sasha sometimes and everyone knows someone who is completely her. She's a bit, well, ugh, if you understand me :D I pity Scorpius for having to put up with her. But, I do feel a little sorry for her. But yeah, like you said, I do want Scorpius to shut her up xD

I like Albus' character and Cathleen too. They both seem nice and that short little scene before Marcus came to apologize was quite sweet. I was pleased that he apologized to Cathleen as she really deserves that apology.

Anyway! I very much enjoyed this chapter! I can't wait to see how the plot carries on developing :) I'll see you soon!

Author's Response: Hey, that was still pretty quick.
Yes Marcus is making an actual effort and attempting to be nice. I think Rose is attracted to him because she knows what he can be and seeing that happen especially since it is for her, I think it flatters her. I don't think that Marcus is changing into something he is not, I think that Marcus is fully capable of being a nice guy but I think he gets more things when he acts like a prat. Unfortunately Marcus' ulterior motive is that he wants Rose, she has some how infatuated him and he sees something that he wants and he is going to get it regardless. It just happenes to be an added bonus that it is Socrpius' best friend and that it is bothering his cousin so much. But if Scorpius and Rose hadn't have been friends and she still did insult him, then he would still be after her, he isn't doing it to get back at Scorpius. I think that Marcus may surprise you as you get to know him. In the next chapter especially. Marcus keeps himself very guarded, and he is mean as a front, but in the few rare moments when he actually lets me in to see what he is really feeling it is almost like wow, where on earth did that come from. Which is why I have a hard time hating him, because of it.
Yeah Rose has a way of calming Scorpius down and her fixing his air which he spent so much time doing, I thought was very sweet. And the fact that he didn't let Sasha fix it, I love love love it. Where the story is at now, Scorpius is starting to have some odd thoughts about Rose, I really can't wait until you get there.
I feel so bad for Rose, Scorpius is her best friend and hearing that from him had to sting a lot, especially since she doesn't have a lot of boys showing interest in her, I'm sure there was a part of her for the slightest second that wondered of Scorpius was right, and imagine how bad that had to feel to think that. Scorpius slip of the tongue was something that he just shouldn't have said to her, thinking it and speaking it are two very different things, and I don't think I would have talked to him the rest of the day either.
I want Rose to be the type of person who holds strong to her values but doesn't let people run over her. She is sweet but headstrong in doing what is right.
Yeah I have met a couple of Sasha's in my life, she is a lot of something and it is annoying. Yeah I don't feel that Sorry for Sasha but that because I don't think this task is completely awful compared to ones later on.
I am taking a different approach with Albus in this story, he is a bit more neutral. Albus and Cathleen, along with Clark will play a larger role throughout the story. As for Marcus apologizing to Cathleen I think that was what Rose needed to here. The fact that MArcus recognizes that he hurt Cathleen and apologizes for it.
Anyways thank you as always for the review, I can wait for the next one. Glad you liked the chapter.



 Report Review

Review #23, by Talya Still January

7th February 2014:
Love this story! Some great, really different characters and a very clever plot so far. I love the theme of watches and how the charmed one works - so clever! I wonder how long Scorpius' conscience will last though, he's already feeling guilty (which kind of makes me love him more though) :D

One thing in this chapter that upset me though, was when Rose said "Marcus please don't" and then he kissed her anyway. Clearly a violation of consent... It just turned me off because I read that as a kind of sexual a(s)sault (the 12+ rating of reviews won't even let me publish that word, so do you get what I'm saying?), which really isn't sexy and ruined the whole vibe of that paragraph.

Anyway, I'm going to keep reading the next few chapters, which will probably be amazing. I've read a lot of your other stories and you never disappoint :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading the story and enjoying the characters. Glad you find my idea clever and the watches.
I personally never meant for Marcus' kiss to come across as offensive or sexual assault. I am extremely sorry if you interpreted it that way because that is not how I ever intended it to be written. The thing was that Rose even though she said don't in the moment she don't of did want him to do. She said no because of who Marcus is and hearing him complement her in that way flattered her and unsettled her because she is not used to it. And Marcus did it because he has been somewhat infatuated with her for weeks it's not a good reason but he needed some sort of release and if he truly thought that she didn't want it he wouldn't have done it. But the way she said it whispering it almost as if it was painful for her to say. I don't know I felt that the scene was very in character for them both and I personally didn't see Rose saying please don't in an out right determined voice, I think she was nervous and confused but I think she wanted him to kiss her, because she did kiss him back and when she did push him back Marcus didn't push her.
Anyways I hope that one scene didn't ruin the entire story. The Marcus and Rose relationship does play a big role in the story and I don't want you to think of Marcus as a someone who would push himself on others. He is many things a jerk and a womanizer, but he does know boundaries and he does respect them. I hope that you will see that as you read on get to know him better. Thank you for reading and reviewing and I hope that this story doesn't disappoint.


 Report Review

Review #24, by Lyn The Almost End of March

7th February 2014:
I really love your Rose in this story. She is the kind of person who would be nice to be around and I can see why both Scorpius and Marcus would be attracted to her.

The thing that bugs me about Scorpius in this story (as well as your Confronting Temptation to some degree- see I love all your stories!) is that he is pretty self-righteous. He's makes pretty stupid decisions that will obviously be really hurtful to the people he cares about, especially Rose, but then tries to act like he was forced by circumstances and he isn't really that bad. Since he is the one always complaining about how evil Marcus is, he has to realize that he is going to be challenged to do the worst things possible that Marcus can think of. I get that in the heat of the moment he just agreed to the bet, but as things progress he is either going to have to knowingly turn into a Marcus-equivalent to win (which will really have no excuse) or decide to do the right thing and use all the energy he's putting into this bet to develop some new skills besides clock-making. The bet should at least help him realize that he's resourceful and capable of things he would have never though possible, so hopefully he will use that knowledge to push himself toward something productive rather than destructive.

And while I know that Marcus is supposed to be evil villain, he has other sides to him as well, which I think you do a good job bringing out with his relationship with Rose. And frankly, so far I almost like him better than Scorpius as he doesn't pretend to be something he's not, whereas Scorpius has this reputation of being a sweet, good guy when he's really not anymore. So I wonder who will I will like/hate more by the end of this story as it's a toss up right now!

Anyway, the premise of this whole story is really interesting as Scorpius will have to really confront what kind of person he is and what he is capable of. And once Rose finds out everything, I think it will take a lot for her to trust him again either as a friend or more, because once she knows what he is capable of as well as how good he was at lying to her about it (which he has already started to do and will most likely have to keep doing), I think it will make her reconsider everything she thought she knew about him.
Can't wait to see what happens!

Author's Response: Yeah I really enjoy writing Rose in this story. It's hard to see why anyone wouldn't want to be around her. Scorpius at the beginning of this story does believe he is morally superior to Marcus, it's a flaw, although in this story it is intentional. (not so much in Confronting) but I am certain that Scorpius self-righteousness is where a lot of Marcus' issues with his cousin lies, he has even said to him in chapter 6 "You pride yourself on being morally better than me, either you prove that you are or you sink to my level." Marcus has a point to prove he doesn't think that Scorpius is much better than him. And sadly Scorpius is in the very early stages of realizing that as well, when he first saw how hurt Skylar was he didn't blame Marcus he only blamed himself, what made him mad at Marcus was that he didn't even wait to the end of the month to give the next bet, almost like he was rubbing salt into the wound. That and also the fact that Marcus knew he was going to accomplish the bet, it is going to have Scorpius second guessing a lot of what he thought about himself.
Marcus really knows how to push Scorpius' buttons and you could say that Scorpius agreed to the bet because of that, I mean Marcus did wave the one thing he desires right in front of face and he didn't really think it through, (another flaw). As for him complaining that Marcus is evil, incase you haven't notice Scorpius is insanely jealous of Marcus, Marcus is pretty much living the life that he has always wanted, the one that he has a passion for. I honestly don't think he believes that Marcus is evil, in fact I'm sure he loves him in that you have to love your family way. The thing that he really has a problem with is that Marcus is a bully and Marcus enjoys that role and Scorpius truly does believe that Rose is going to end up hurt, which is the last thing he wants to happen.
Scorpius wont have to turn into Marcus completely but he will have to change slightly. Scorpius has a somewhat low self-esteem and he honestly believes that the only thing he can do that is right is clocks, it isn't some hobby for him, it is his passion and he can't give that up without a fight.
I don't think Marcus is supposed to be the evil villain, I think he is a complex character that I have a very weird love hate relationship with. There are moments when he is very sincere and others where I hate his guts, it's hard to tell exactly what he is feeling because he hides his feelings very well, but by giving Scorpius this bet and pretending that he has completely changed which he hasn't entirely or else he would have told Scorpius he wasn't going to go along with the bet anymore, wouldn't that imply that Marcus is pretending to be something that he is not? As for Scorpius, he is still (not nice, because what he is doing isn't nice) but his personality hasn't changed completely. Scorpius has a nice personality and that is why he has the nice guy role, he doesn't really have a reputation because the entire school pretty much avoids him. Still. (I have hard time not defending Scorpius because I know all of his thoughts and feelings and I am sympathetic towards him, makes it hard to write in a non biased way, but I must being accomplishing that because of the reviews I have about Scorpius.)
So glad that you like the premise, I am interested to see what people say as it progresses because I know that Scorpius is going to get a lot of heat, I mean it would be weird if he didn't I just hope I can make him likeable again.
I feel so much sympathy for Rose, she is the one who is going to have probably the biggest journey and a lot is going to happen to her in the upcoming chapters. I will tell you when she finds out she will not be her usual self afterwards. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I really liked this review it gave me a lot to think about and actually inspired me to write a certain scene in the next chapter, so thank you for making me think.


 Report Review

Review #25, by Court The Almost End of March

7th February 2014:
I'm sorry but I have to say that I don't' have very much sympathy for Scorpius. He knows exactly what he's doing and it's all for his own personal gain. I guess we can see why he's in Slytherin and a Malfoy after all of this. In my book, he is just as bad as Marcus and will probably be as bad or worse by the end. Personally, I don't even know all of what he's going to do, but considering you've hinted that he's now going to have to get into actual relationships and becoming emotionally and physically involved and then purposely crush a number of girls, I think that he will become pretty irredeemable. I actually hope that Rose ditches both of them, but since you seem set on a Rose/Scorpius ship I am extremely interested to see how you will make him at all worthy of her trust and love after all of this and hope he has to work for it and it's not just her forgiving him because she's so nice. Thanks for sharing.

Author's Response: Alright one thing I want to clear up is that Scorpius is in Gryffindor, not Slytherin. In the next chapter I am going to directly spell it out because there has been a lot of confusion about that.
Next in a way you are right Scorpius is unsympathetic. I try to add sympathy in where I can, but he knows what he is doing, and even though he isn't getting some weird twisted kick out of like MArcus, he knows that it is wrong and that it is bad, yet he still does it. the relationship dynamic is going to have to change between Scorpius and the girls, there is no good drama if I make it easy for him. I hope that I can make him a redeemable character, that is one of the task that I have set for myself in the story, but I also understand that there will be people who wont be able to find him irredeemable. So when that point comes you will have to let me know.
As for Rose, I can't give much away but I will say that if there is one person who is physically capable of making her doubt her beliefs in forgiving people unconditionally either by friendship or romance it would be Scorpius. And that is because they are so close and she sees him for who he is. In my personal opinion Scorpius is probably the only person who could hurt her enough to become bitter, not that I'm saying that that is what is going to happen, that part of the story is still pretty vague on how it is going to play out, but I just feel emotionally that that is the hold Scorpius has on her. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback.


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>