Reading Reviews for Twelve
  
77 Reviews Found

Review #1, by keyty Individual Seconds

20th April 2014:
Why hello there!

So this was an interesting chapter. You did a good job of bringing back to the surface the fact that in the end this is a ScoRose story. I thought the scene in the snow was pretty cute, and it just goes to show how innocent Rose is. Any other girl would be worried what Marcus would think about it, but Rose knows that they're just friends. It doesn't mean anything romantic (as far as she knows, that is), so she's not worried. I like that Scorpius is (very, very slowly) coming to terms with the way he feels about her. It's about time! :) Haha. I know that Rose will be very slow to feel the same way about him, what with her relationship with Marcus and her inevitable discovery of the bet.

As for Scorpius, I'm glad he didn't just go with this task. I feel like in the end he's just going to do it, because the company means a lot to him. But it obviously is going to affect him very negatively. And I think this will reinforce Marcus's behavior. Because if/when Scorpius completes the task Marcus will know he can make him do anything, and get away with it. As for Rose it's clear she'll be really upset with Scorpius. But I think she'll know something is off with him. If he really doesn't want to do it, she'll recognize this as strange and try to make him tell her what's going on.

I'm not really surprised that Marcus is being so twofaced. What else can you expect? He's just now becoming a 'different person', so he's not going to stop being mean. And clearly they've both got reasons for keeping it a secret from Rose, so it will be a long while before she finds out, I think.

I hadn't really thought about Rose being one of the girls, and that's an interesting thought. I think that the only way she would be one is if Marcus was very confident that she would stay with him no matter what. The only way I can see him using her for a task is saying 'Steal her from me', because if he's that sure of himself he'll think it's impossible. That would be really interesting. Hm. But I'm not sure that will happen. I guess I'll just have to wait and see!

I hope that these were helpful. Feel free to re-request (after a cycle of requests has gone through:) ) and I'll be happy to continue reviewing!

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Review #2, by keyty Dates in Time

20th April 2014:
Hello! Addressing your concerns from your request :)

As far as characterization goes, I think so far you're still pretty consistent. All of their actions make sense from what they've done in the past. Rose still acts like Rose, and I do think she was justified in her actions. She's giving Marcus another chance, and so far he's proving to be a somewhat changed man. She knows that he's interested and if she feels the same way why shouldn't she reciprocate? I think you're right, people don't understand because they just want ScoRose. But it makes sense. I haven't seen too many instances where the relationship between Scorpius and Rose was suggested as romantic. There were a few moments where you've hinted at how this could develop, but for now they just see each other as friends. With Marcus it's been a different story. She's been nervous around him, she's liked being around him, and here you can see that she does really like him. Why else would she hang out with him all day? I think it makes sense.

I was a bit surprised at Scorpius when he talked about his lineage, but I guess when you're with someone annoying you probably get a little snarky. Obviously he surprised myself, but like I've said before he's one to speak before he thinks at times. So it still fits in his character for him to say that when he's annoyed. I'm curious to see what he's going to say to Rose about what he saw. Technically she went back on her word and spent her Hogsmeade trip with Marcus, so maybe he'll say something about that. Or maybe kind of hint at it until she confesses? Or maybe she'll just tell him... Mmm maybe not, since she knows how he feels about Marcus. I'm also curious about what his next task will be.

I think I addressed your concerns, so I'm going to go ahead and move on to the next chapter :)

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Review #3, by keyty Minutes Passing

6th April 2014:
And here is the second review!

On Rose: I think you do a good job of balancing out her character. We can tell she isn't naive, but we can also see all the good in her. She has so much hope for everyone around her, but it's obvious she knows when to stand up to someone. I feel like, depending on how the story develops, she could become a bit less faithful in everyone. It would be interesting to see her evolve in that direction, I'm curious to see how it'll play out.

On the moment: I think you did a good job at hinting at some Rose/Scorpius action. People may not have commented on it just because there are a lot of other new developments in this chapter, but it's noticeable. I think that at this point, since it can go either way with who Rose ends up with, people might be hesitant to expect anything of it. Since Marcus and her have already kissed, there's more to go on there. Personally, I'm not sure who I'm shipping with Rose yet. I'm on the fence about Marcus, because I'm not sure if he's really genuine yet. Where Scorpius is concerned, I'm not sure he's emotionally mature enough to be with her. So I still haven't decided who I prefer her with, like I said, it could really go either way at this point. So far you've hinted at a possible relationship with both of them, so it depends on which one you want to pursue.

I think I went into Scorpius a bit in my last review, but I'm happy to touch on it again. Like I said before, he doesn't seem to really think things through. When he said "He is up to something I know it. I mean why else would he like you?" you can tell he regrets it, he just blurted it out before giving it any thought. With this bet it seems that he's controlling himself around the 'targets' Marcus assigns him. I'm wondering if he just can't control himself around Rose, or if he's just being extra careful around the targets as to win the bet. I think it's the latter, because when he's angry he also seems to say whatever he's thinking, regardless of who he's with. I think it would be good for him to learn to control his tongue, because now he's gone and hurt Rose's feelings! Hopefully he redeems himself.

I'm also very curious to see how Rose reacts when she inevitably discovers the bet. It seems like it will happen when Marcus is close to redeeming himself, so it would obviously hurt him there. And clearly it would affect her friendship with Scorpius, so it will be interesting when we see her decide how she wants to deal with the situation. She could pick one, both, or neither. I'm thinking it will be neither at first. Only time will tell!

One word I'd like to point out is, when Sasha was discussing dragons, you used the word bread instead of breed. I may have said this before but I strongly recommend looking into getting a beta. While your plot and characterization are strong, grammar and spelling are also important. A second pair of eyes can be very helpful. Other than that, I think I've said everything!

I'm really liking this story so far! Even though it's got a kind of cliche bet premise, I think you gave it a unique twist. You gave Scorpius a valid reason for pursuing the bet other than pure enjoyment, and you've got Marcus in the mix trying to regain Rose's trust. Please come back to re-request, I'd love to read more!

Author's Response: I'm not going to lie, I am a little bit nervous about making her lose faith. I'm sure it's not hard to figure out why that would be, but I won't truly know until I get to that point writing wise. I have an idea about how she will feel but frequently when I am writing what I thought the character would feel, and what that really feel are two completely different reactions. It may be interesting to see her evolve into that but at the same time I think it would be a little bit heartbreaking. I love writing her character at the moment, and I haven't read any stories that have her portrayed in this way. Not that those stories don't exist I just haven't seem them. It's her faith that makes her so unique and special and taking that away i'm curious if it wouldn't destroy her to lose it. Anyways that's all speculations at the moment. I guess I will find out later on when I'm writing.
As for Scorpius no he doesn't think things through and that was one of those moments where he should have just kept his mouth shut. He doesn't always have that filter that tells him when to stop and think. To be honest Scorpius does tend to have very good control of his thoughts and actions around Rose and the other girls. I think its when things come to Marcus that that filter disappears and he doesn't think things through. I mean every time he has always said something that he regrets it usually is always about, around, or leads back to Marcus. He may need to learn to control his tongue but at the same time, Marcus has given no indication that he isn't up to something, at least not around Scorpius. On another note I also don't think Scorpius realizes how badly Rose wants to like Marcus, that might make a slight difference. Redeeming is a bad word, let's just say he has learned his lesson and wont make the same mistake again.
At the current moment a lot of people are thinking that it is going to do more damage against Marcus than it is Scorpius when Rose finds out. I'm not sure why, not saying they're right or wrong but i'm curious where this idea is coming from. Obviously I do know how that turns out and why but I will say some people are in for a shock, if they are hoping that Rose finding out is going to be some huge strike against Marcus by the time it happens.
Thanks i'll fix that after I post the next chapter.
I will say it may be a cliche bet premise but so far from what I have seen there is no other story with this bet premise so is it really Cliche? Sorry I love it when people say something is cliche but in reality the cliche is never done because people feel like it has been done too much before, making the actual cliche rare. (I think in very bizarre ways.)
I'll tell you right now if Scorpius is doing this for pure enjoyment I would not be writing the story.
Anyways thank you for reading and reviewing.


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Review #4, by keyty Untimely Talks

6th April 2014:
Hello, back again with your requested review! I'll go ahead and address your concerns.

On Rose: From what I've seen so far, everything she said to Marcus seems to be in character. It doesn't come off as mean to me, but more frustrated than anything else. She's getting tired of him lying and badgering her. Even though she wasn't as sweet as she often is, he did push her past a kind of breaking point, I think. It's understandable for her to (almost) lose faith in him. But of course, she didn't because she's Rose! I'm interested to see how their relationship develops, and what Marcus does in response to this confrontation.

On Scorpius: At the moment, it seems like the bet is still a very recent development. Scorpius seems like a very emotional character, someone that goes with his gut and doesn't always think things through all the way. He seems to be guided by his feelings instead of just his thoughts, which is a good contrast with Rose. Rose is obviously very sympathetic, but she seems to be quite logical as well. She's pretty in tune and in control of her emotions, whereas Scorpius sometimes has outbursts he can't quite get a handle on. At the moment, I think he's kind of torn. He wants the company, but he knows he shouldn't be doing this. It seems to be that he long ago thought his chance of owning the company was a lost cause. Now that it's open again, he can't help but go after it, again following his gut and emotions. I think that if you play it right, throughout the story you can show these two sides of him. The one that wants this so desperately and the one that doesn't want to go on with the bet. I can see him kind of going too far with a girl and then feeling awful about it when he hurts her feelings. To me he doesn't seem like a horrible person at all, just a very desperate person. I hope this answers your question.


So far I quite like the concept of the story. Like I said, it's very original. You have a lot of opportunity for character development. You've got Scorpius, who can mature through this experience. He can learn about the difference between right and wrong, and when you should go with your gut as opposed to when you should think things through. Then there's Marcus, who depending on how he reacts to Rose, can become a better person. It can be tough, and it will probably take a while, but it's very possible. And finally there's Rose. I think that, depending on how Marcus treats her, she might also mature. Though it's sweet to see the good in everyone, it's not always realistic. So if Marcus doesn't ever evolve and better himself, this might help her see that it's not always best to give second, third, fourth, and fifth chances. (Which I'm not saying that she does, but she just seems very forgiving). Right now she's kind of on the edge, and it could go either way. It all just depends, really!

Hopefully this review was helpful to you! Now I'll move on to the next chapter and address all of your concerns there. :)

Author's Response: Sorry it has taken a few days for me to respond. Long reviews always take a while. Yeah I sometime worry that I make Rose too sweet or too out of character, but I felt that if Rose was to get really ticked off she would somehow do it in as pleasant of a way as possible. Being mean is just not in her nature, but being honest is, so i'm glad that that comes across.
I've never really thought about Scorpius that way but you are very very right, he does act a bit more on emotion than logically. I mean obviously he doesn't think before he acts or else he wouldn't be in this situation.
Trust me when I say Rose understands that not everything is good, she is a firm believer that something good can come from anything bad. That will come out in later chapters. She just has a strong faith but she does acknowledge that their is bad. I however don't think Rose will ever stop giving chances. She is the type of person who will be standing beside someone even when they have no one else. That doesn't mean that she is going to put her life aside to wait for someone to come around, and the person usually has to want/ask for a second chance for her to grant it. She's not completely naive.
The review did help. Like you've noted my characters do stand on this fine line and i have to make sure that they stay on it, without them going to far. Anyways thank you for reviewing. I'll get to the next one when I get a chance to sit down and respond.


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Review #5, by AlwaysHope Private Minutes

5th April 2014:
Well this won't be a very long review like all your other reviews because I only want to say that I really like this book and every single day I look if you have updated a chapter! I really, really would like if you would update again it has been such a long time :(. I won't give up on your story and I will check every day for another amazing chapter! By the way I love your writing style and how you make Scorpius discover on his own how he feels about Rose and make him feel guilty yet determined.
XX Nouky

Author's Response: I know it has been too long. I have just been swamped with school, but I finished outlining chapter 10 and I just went on spring break so I'm hoping to be able to get the next chapter finished relatively soon. Thank you so much for reading and checking out this story. Every time I get a review it makes me want to put everything aside and get working on the next chapter faster, so hopefully it wont be that much longer. Yeah I knew from the beginning that I didn't want Scorpius to have someone tell him about his feelings, I always wanted it to be something that he discovered on his own, the same with Rose. It doesn't matter how long a review is I love them all regardless so thank you for leaving one.

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Review #6, by keyty Tickless Watches

28th March 2014:
Hello there! Here with your requested review :)

I think this is a good start. As far as characterization goes, I honestly think so far Marcus is spot on. Someone as big headed as that will obviously notice when somebody confronts him. It (very slightly) reminds me of Lily and James. James was used to everyone thinking he was awesome, and when Lily felt otherwise, he noticed that. He took interest in her. So personally I think this makes sense, and the fact that he's still rough seems very accurate. I think he just wants to win her over because she's been resisting his 'charm', so he's still forceful. But Rose could easily change that about him if he falls for her!

As for your concern about clarity, I understood everything I read. Not once did I have to go back and say 'Huh? Wait what?' It all made sense to me. I like your word choice, too. You have some good description. As for grammar, I did notice some issues. Something I can recommend is using more commas. You have long sentences with few pauses, and it would be good to add a few in there. That way the sentence doesn't seem so rushed. If you're not comfortable with you grammar you can always get a beta to look over it and give you some pointers. :) I saw a few spelling errors, but nothing too major. They were probably just typos. Just remember to proof read!

I really like how you write Scorpius here. The bit where he says that the reason is his last name kind of struck me. It makes so much sense that his family would be alienated after the war, especially with what his father did. I can see it going both ways, Draco trying to change and Draco standing by his family's beliefs. It would be interesting to see which way you portray it. As for the company, I think it's brilliant. I love the whole clock theme. It's so interesting and unique.

Overall I like this a lot. I think you could go into more detail with description and the character's thoughts. That could add to it quite a bit. You've got a great start here and I can't wait to see where it goes. Please come back to re-request!

Author's Response: Hi. To be honest Marcus' attraction to Rose is more from was born out of that insult not necessarily because he wants to change but more because no one else has done it before. Easily isn't exactly the word I would use. Marcus is a complex character and that's all I can say.
When it comes to comma's I'm a mess. some people say they want more, then at other times people say I have too many... Uggg. I had a beta at one point in time but that didn't work out. Right now I'm on a crash course in learning about how to fix comma splices and run ons. I have found a couple of method but none of which that will be seen until I update. I plan to go back when I have time (which is rare) and attempt to fix the problems. Lastly when it comes to typos usually I'm using words that are spelled correctly but aren't the correct word so I don't catch them. That's a horrible reason but it is the truth. Maybe I do need a beta. lol.
I think regardless of Draco changing or not that the Malfoy name would be somewhat alienated. I haven't really mentioned it in this story, not because it's a secret, but because there is never a good place to really put it. But in this story my Draco is sort of unemployed in a way. He has his means of making money and technically they are legal but not exactly great. He's kind of like a bank he lends money to people who are at their last resorts and then charges interest. Doesn't mean that he is bad but just limited to options.
Actually I'm trying to not give so much detail into character's thoughts. I'm a creative writing major and one of the many things I have learned from my professors is to let the reader think for themselves. Meaning you can't over explain to them. Which I have been extremely guilty of in the past, not in this story but others. So maybe I over did it, i'll have to go back and look. Now descriptions are my weak area and I'm slightly working on it but right now I'm trying to focus on my grammar. One step at a time.
I'm still in debate about requesting for reviews. This is sort of new to me and there are pros and cons to both. The Pro being that it is beneficial to be able to ask specific questions and then get an answer to it which might not happen in a normal reviewing atmosphere. The con is that it feels a bit weird to be asking for someone to read my story and review. Almost like I am forcing it on you and I'm personally not entirely comfortable with that.It's not the same as someone deciding to just read it. But then again it's good to get feedback on the things that I deem as my weak spots but no one else would really think about. So I might re-request a couple of more times before I decided if I can do this and not feel extremely awkward in the process. Thank you for your feed back.


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Review #7, by Phoenix_Feather49 Individual Seconds

4th March 2014:
Hello there! I enjoyed this chapter very much so, even though it was a little filler-y it gave hints to some very important topics...

I really liked the snow scene between Scorpius and Rose. It was interesting that she chose to share the snow with Scorpius and not the boyfriend. I do think it's a little subconscious thing going on there for Rose- obviously it's something that might always do but I do think there's a hint there ;) I don't however think Rose will realise her feelings are quickly as Scorpius- I definitely don't think she's been harboring secret love for Scorpius for a thousand years and she just never thought it would be returned. I think it'll be gradual understanding, you know? I might be wrong so sue me! Just a feeling I'm getting at the moment.

Anyway, the snow scene was adorable, I really enjoyed that little hint of ScoRose.

I'm starting to believe Marcus but I do think Scorpius is right. No person is purely bad or purely good and I do think Marcus has a good side to him and is maybe a little insecure. But Scorpius is right: Marcus revels in making people uncomfortable and annoying them. I know he's trying to overcome that and is putting that to the side, I do think it'll show even to Rose and she won't like it. Who'll break up with who I wonder? Rose when she realised Scorpius is the one for her? Or Marcus after he's got bored/in a fit of emotion for his cousin/ in a fit of kindness for Rose etc etc.

Nah, I do not like the next challenge. Not going to lie, I'm dreading reading it (in a good way). I'm feeling very tense! I might be a lot less sympathetic towards Scorpius this time next chapter or whenever he's completed the challenge. Humiliate is just cruel for a girl like Skylar. I can of course completely sympathize with Scorpius, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. My slow moving like for Marcus has just dipped, oh dear. Mind you, it might increase when he has another cutesy moment with Rose. I'm very fickle.

Can't wait for the next chapter! See you soon :)

Author's Response: Hey there. It was a little filler but it was also the first sign that there might be something more going on with Rose and Scorpius, or really how deep their friendship is for one another.
I though the scene in the snow would be fun. I know a few people have said that they thought it was odd that Rose chose to share that with Scorpius but I want to mention Scorpius is in Gryffindor and Marcus is in Slytherin, she wouldn't have the password to the Slytherin common room, also I think she really wanted to talk to Scorpius and clear the air. I have the feeling that this was something they had done before and it was one of their things. At the same time though I also doubt that the thought of inviting Marcus ever occurred to her, that she only intended for it to be with Scorpius. No your right Rose in this story isn't a straight to the point with things, she knows he is acting out and that things are changing but her lack of relationship and knowledge of boys will make it hard for her to realize her feelings as quickly as he will. But Scorpius also has something pushing hi to seeing it which is the Rose and Marcus relationship, he is seeing her in the way that other guys may be attracted to her and it is odd to him. You very right this is not going to be one of those stories where she has been harboring feelings for Scorpius for years. As much as I love a good unrequited love plot this just isn't one. At the moment they have a very good friendship and understanding of one another, now don't get me wrong things are about to change and poor Scorpius... I can't even say, you will just have to read and find and see for yourself. But you are right it is going to be a bit more of a gradual understanding... sort of.
No person is truly bad with the exception of Voldemort. Marcus may be a little insecure but it's not enough to make a difference in the way he behaves though. He is trying to overcome it to an extent, if he was truly changing though I think he would call off the bet. As for who will break up with who, I guess you will just have to keep reading to find out. It's not for a little while though.
Yeah I wanted to give a little bit of a harder challenge to show that not all of these task are going to be easy. Some of them are really going to test Scorpius in some of the worst ways and he has to make the choice to complete them or not. I think as a character Scorpius' sympathy will very, he knows what he doing is wrong but at the same time he continues to do it, and it will have its toll on him. Anyways I do hope you enjoy the next chapter. Things are really going to start to become intense over all with the story and I can't wait to hear what you have to say next. Thanks for the review.


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Review #8, by Rose_Red6 Private Minutes

28th February 2014:
I like the lack of Marcus in this episode also as I was reading.
Me:Kiss her
Scor:Thinks about kissing her
Me:kiss her
Scor:thinks about kissing her
Me: KISS HER
Scor:doesn't kiss her
Me: throws phone angrily

Author's Response: Oh don't worry Marcus will be back in the next chapter. (Got to keep the reminder that Rose is very much taken at the moment)
Sorry Scorpius can't kiss her just yet, I have to make you really want it first before I can let that happen. Thanks for the review and reading.


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Review #9, by Navera Private Minutes

26th February 2014:
I have no idea where to start! This chapter was absolutely brilliant! I loved all the little details! So good.

At the beginning when Scorpius shared his secrete with Rose, to me showed how much he wants to share everything with her, but sometimes does not know how to share it. I'm curious to know how he will share the secrete of the bet he and Marcus have going on, I still feel that it is going to break her heart a little when he tells her.

I'm really glad that Rose is standing up for the
Snapdragon Plant for Neville. She really does have her heart in the right place there. I hope that they meet their goal. As for the Head Girl spot, she defiantly deserves to get the position. Dominique does not deserve it even though she wants it. I mean, she went against a professor to get soap (SOAP!) instead of a rare plant that could help out the school! Selfish brat! And so I agree that sometimes, Rose is WAY to nice for her own good. I it wouldn't surprise me if Neville recommended her for the position without her knowledge, it just seems like something he would do.

On to the birthday! I liked how even though it was small, Rose still made a bigish deal about his birthday. I feel like she made him feel special on the big day, even though he had asked her not to do anything big. I thought it was awesome how they celebrated, just the two of them. It made his birthday special. Now the part that was my favorite about this chapter: Scorpius's thoughts when he had her pinned to the table. I had tears in my eyes because of how tender his thoughts were. That is exactly the way she should be treated, I just really hope he gets the chance to trace a path between all those freckles.

I have two main things that I am curious to see in the up coming chapters:
1) Rose's thoughts on what happened on Scorpius's birthday. I would be so interesting to see what she thought as she was underneath him while he smearing icing all over her face and when he was wiping it off her face.
2) Scorpius's plan to make Dominique jealous. I know it wasn't mentioned in this chapter, but I still wonder how he will do it. I cannot see it being in a romaintic way. He is way to in love with Rose to even consider doing something like that (at least in my opinion), although I'm not sure if he knows he loves her yet. But he knows he finds her attractive.

So I can't wait to see where this is going! I have to say, I enjoy reading all your stories, not just this one, they are very well written and thought out out (or at least they come out that way)!

Thank you for sharing!

Author's Response: Scorpius sharing his secret was also him doubting himself and knowing that Rose was the only person who would understand. I think that Scorpius wants to tell Rose everything he is doing. Originally I had Rose ask him if he was hiding something from her, because she knows that something is going on and Scorpius would think "he could come clean now and be over with it. He could tell her everything and although she would be disappointed in him she would forgive him." But I took it out because it made Scorpius seem a little to bad and that is something that people would focus too much on, the fact that he had the opportunity to tell her but he didn't and that he sort of lied to her. It also gave the impression that the company meant more to him than Rose and it didn't sit right with me so I left it with her not pushing him on the subject but knowing that he is keeping something.
Would you honestly expect Rose to not stand up for the plant? She can't bare to see someone lose something without a fight, although she wants it to be a fair fight, what Scorpius is doing would be a completely different issue. Rosedoes deserve the head girl spot, but Dominique is capable of it, she may be a brat but she is determined and she gets stuff done, if she is named head girl I think she would do a good job. Even though she went against a professor to win Soap she was fighting an uphill battle and still managed to succeed so... it's not entirely right but she does have the work ethic for it. Rose does as well but she is way too nice. I will say that the thought of recommending her hasn't occurred to him yet. I think he really wants Rose to stand up and ask him herself, but she wont do it.
She did make him feel special and that is something that Scorpius usually doesn't get out of his family with the exception of his grandfather. I think Rose knew that that birthday was going to be hard and she gave him probably the best girt of all which was a distraction from thinking about it. The whole thing with looking for the candles gave him something to think about and look forward to instead of mulling over the company. Even if he is involved with the bet, there is something so finale about turning seventeen and not already having the company be legally put into a document that is meant for him.
I spent a lot of time on Scorpius' thoughts because I knew they needed to be gentle and romantic along with some what sexual but not have it completely focus on the sexual aspect of it, because Scorpius would never be able to think of Rose as just some shag. He may get the chance, this summer is going to be an interesting one for the two. So who knows.
You will get some insight into Rose's thoughts in the next chapter. She realized the position that she was in with Scorpius and she is starting to realize that they aren't a couple of twelve year olds playing in the snow any more. That they are 16 and 17 years old and that things with them and their bodies have changed.
I fully intended to mention the whole Dominique thing in this chapter but I moved it because I felt that it took away from the Rose/Scor and possibly Scorpius guilt about Skylar. Unfortunately Scorpius doesn't always do the right thing, you will see in the next chapter that these thoughts of Rose and pining after her will have taken a toll on him and his frustration with not having a release for it. You are completely right that he finds her attractive and keep in mind that Rose and Dominique are cousins meaning they do come from the same gene pool.
So glad that you enjoy my stories I spend enough time (especially on this one) thinking and planning them out so I'm happy that it shows. Thanks for the review.


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Review #10, by Sharvi Private Minutes

26th February 2014:
Gah, over 6000 words! Really? You're amazing :) this chapter has become one of my favourites for a couple of reasons. We start of with a typical exchange between Scorpius and Rose where he's questioning the very fabric of his character and she's making him feel better even though she has no idea what's on his mind. I loved the way she didn't demand an answer from him like anyone else would have. Even though she noticed his ill health after the Skylar incident she didn't force him to answer her. That's why I love Rose!

The we get to see how Rose spends her time when she isn't with Scorpius, Marcus or confronting Dominique which is a break from poor Scorpius' existential crisis (though I could read about that for days!) it's great that Neville thought of Rose to be Head Girl and honestly I feel terrible that Rose can even think of giving up what seems like the one thing she wants for herself because of a jealous cousin. Though Dom might be a capable Head, Rose would just be kinder and a great role model. One question is Scorpius a Prefect? I can't seem to remember from any of the past chapters...

Yes, and then we come to Scorpius' birthday celebrations because being with Rose is really all he needs anyway. I need to tell you that the resignation with which he faces it really breaks my heart. So it makes me happy when she's so thoughtful in giving him that particular present and seriously I could imagine Scorpius' look of happiness. And then we proceed to that cake fight.

I could hear my heart beat while reading that! My god, really I thought I might go into cardiac arrest if he kissed her. He wouldn't have minded from what his thoughts indicated, Rose would have hated him for kissing her while she was in a relationship with someone else. (Why Marcus do you enter my thoughts even in a chapter where you aren't even physically present?)

You know what I would love to read? That whole last scene from Rose's POV. What was she thinking? Is she questioning her platonic feelings for our hero (yes, hero)? Or better is she questioning her relationship with Marcus? Probably not. After all Rose is the perfect loyal Gryffindor and she would never hurt anyone like that. Breaking up to just get together with the guys cousin is so not Rose. I just wish it was.

And one last question, if Scorpius would have come clean to Scorpius about the whole bet thing before it really started how would have Rose reacted? I just want to see how Rose would deal with this moral dilemma, because she seems like the person who would stand up for the right thing but has never been faced with a situation where you don't really know what's right because both Marcus and Scorpius are justified to a certain degree and yet they both do wrong. Run on sentences are a disease. Sigh, I hope I could get the message across anyway.

I will see you next chapter!! :D

Author's Response: Yeah I really wanted to get out of March. This chapter was originally longer, but I decided to move some of it over into chapter 10. Now that Scorpius' mind is so preoccupied with Rose he will start to move away from the whole questioning the fabric of his being. He has bigger things to worry about. Rose isn't the type of person to demand an answer from him, but it think it was important to note that she's not an idiot and she does know that there is something going on with him.
It seems at the current moment that Rose really never has any alone time, with either being with Marcus or Scorpius, but she does have other friends and she is pretty close with Albus so it was fun to write a scene with just them in it. A nice break. I think Neville isn't the only professor who has wondered why Rose hasn't asked for a recommendation. But I also think he is the one who may have given her a little bit of a nudge, Rose is sweet and generous but she does tend to step aside when it comes to other people's needs, him saying that it is okay for her to want something may not have changed her completely but I do think that it made her think. Not to mention it is Dominique. I am glad that you noted that Dominique would be a cable head though, because as selfish as she is, she gets stuff done and she knows how to maintain control. No Scorpius is not a prefect he is on the quidditch team though.
I think being with Rose was all he wanted. This particular birthday was harder than others, and I think Rose knew that. Even though she is with Marcus I think she still wants Scorpius to get the company and I'm sure she saw that gift as being a reminder that he is right for the job.
Alright on a random note have you ever heard the song Cardiac Arrest by Bad suns? Anyways your mention of it if they kissed is almost like a line in it, and it is also a song that is in the playlist for this story, so I thought it was ironic that you used that particular phrase. Anyways back to the point, no Scorpius probably wouldn't have minded kissing her until after he stopped and realized just how bad of an idea that would be. They are in no way ready for that yet, not unless they want their friendship ruined, but maybe in a few chapters. Your right Rose wouldn't be happy about it, even if she enjoyed it i'm sure she would feel extremely guilty over it and that she betrayed Marcus.
You will get some insight into Rose's opinion in the next chapter. It won't be a scene from her perspective, but you will see her opinion.
If Scorpius had come clean form the beginning, she probably would still not be so found of Marcus and she would have made sure that Scorpius didn't do it. I honestly think she would say if you go through with this than I don't want to be your friend. But still her reactions wouldn't have been near as bad as it might be when she does find out. Even he came clean to her now she still would be disappointed in him but she would get past it as long as he stopped doing it. She is the type of person to stand up for what is right but she also would feel that this wouldn't just be hurting Scorpius or Marcus, but this is messing around with 12 other girls who had nothing to do with their rivalry. Thats partially why it is so important that they keep it a secret Scorpius so that he wont hurt Rose or be made to stop and Marcus so that she wont break up with him. I know Run on sentences/ comma splices suck. I'm going to go edit the chapter when I get a chance and see what I can do. This chapter was a mesh of hours worth of copy n'pasting and rearranging and it is a mess and I was so tired by the time it was done... It really needs to be edited. Thank you so much for the review. So glad that you are enjoying the story.


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Review #11, by Phoenix_Feather49 Dates in Time

21st February 2014:
Oooh Scorpy gonna get mad!

Bit of a tense moment to finish up on! I can't wait for the next chapter, will read on ASAP! I'm going to have to make this review quite quick and short as I'm in a bit of a rush but I really wanted to review while I have chance.

Well Rose didn't really break her promise to Scorpius- it kind of happened accidentally. I really liked the whole thing with Toggle (man he is adorable!) as their friendship/relationship was explored a little more and I got a better feel for the pair. Even thought Marcus/Rose has been very well written, up until this chapter I still didn't quite believe them. If you understand me? I just didn't really understand them I suppose but I'm oddly starting not to mind them. Marcus still has a quality (in fact several) that I really don't like, though I can't really put my finger on.

I really enjoyed the insight to why Marcus was taking on his grandad's business . I can completely see why Marcus would want to- that thirst to prove himself is a strength but also could of course be his downfall. He's growing on me but I still don't trust him at all. You've said all along that this will be a Rose/Scorpius so I 'm intrigued to see how that will come about and how Rose/Marcus will collapse. I'm not sure whether Rose will be one of the girls- if she was I'm not sure she could ever forgive either of the boys. Unless Marcus put her on as revenge after they broke up but then Scorpius forfeited the business because he couldn't hurt her? I'm probably completely wrong; I have several more theories though. I don't know but I'm excited!

Thank god Sasha is gone. Phew! I thought the bit about how to make her speechless was really clever. I'm wondering now whether Raven the Evil Meanie will be on the list? That might make Rosie maaddd. That might be fun- break Raven's heart Scorpy! I think Scorpius and Rose's feelings are being hinted at a little more though I could be wrong of course. Just occasionally I think "ooh you two- your ScoRose is showing!".

I can't wait for the next chapter, another brilliant one here! Looking forward to seeing what Scorpius' next challenge is though a little tense! So much for a super short and quick review, eh? Haha! See you soon :)

Author's Response: Scorpius is certainly going to get confused over this new relationship.
No Rose did not break her promise, it was a complete accident although I am sure that Marcus was keep an eye out hoping to see her even though she said she wasn't going.
I thought Toggle was so much fun to write and I thought it would be a good way for her and Marcus to connect, because it is something which she doesn't share with Scorpius. Only Marcus knows about Toggle and I think that helped open the door a little.
I get you, I think Marcus could either be could go either way, occasionally he seems genuine in his feelings and other times it seems that their might be an ulterior motive.
I felt that I had to give Marcus some insight into his perspective of the situation. There is a reason he wont just give Scorpius the company. I think he has mixed feelings sort of like he wants the chance to prove himself but he wishes it was by doing something else. Trust me there will be some Scor/Rose coming up pretty soon. Let's just say that Scorpius is going to be less than thrilled that Rose is with Marcus and it may force him to see her a little bit differently.
Sorry I cant talk about Rose's involvement. But I will say I'm excited about writing the scene where Rose finds out about the bet when it comes. but that's not for a while.
Yeah Sasha is gone and thank goodness she was an annoying person. Trust me there might be one other person that might make Rose madder than seeing Raven, but you haven't gotten to that part yet in your reading but you will see. Slowly but surly their Scor/Rose is coming out.
I really think you will enjoy the next chapter and I can't wait to read the review. Not bad at all for a super quick review. See you soon.


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Review #12, by Talya Tickless Watches

9th February 2014:
I'm really sorry if that last review came off as me being disappointed - I really love the story! I want to make it clear that it was only that one paragraph really, and I'm still totally enjoying everything else. That character context really does help. I think because it was the second chapter it was surprising, plus personally think 'no' should mean 'no' and that it sends bad messages to say that 'no' can actually mean 'yes', but characters do different things so yeah, the story is still super awesome!

Thank you for such a long response, it is so awesome when authors take the time to write back and explain things :) :)

Author's Response: Oh, Your review didn't come across as disappointed. I just said I hope that you wont be disappointed in the further chapters because you had said I never disappoint. I never thought that you were disappointed. Glad that the character context helps. I do think that the kiss in the second chapter is sudden but I think for the course of the story it really does fit. Glad that you enjoyed the rest of the chapters so far.
No problem about the response I tend to get carried away when answering back to reviews. Trust me that was nothing compared to the responses on other reviews on several occasions I have exceeded the space limit allowed for a response. But the way I see it is that you were nice enough to take the time to Review then you deserve the same courtesy with a decent response. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.


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Review #13, by Phoenix_Feather49 Minutes Passing

8th February 2014:
Hi again! Not too late really, but not as early as I hoped... But I'm here now :)

Marcus is freaking me out now- he does seem to really be making an effort and is actually being nice! I still don't think I trust him, but I can see why Rose would be attracted to him now. If he's willing to change for her, then that's good. But also a little fickle: one of my friends is seeing a girl and he thinks she's great (and she very nice) but he's willing to turn himself into something he's not for her. And it sort of seems like Marcus is doing that, but I'm not sure the reasoning is the same. He's such a slimy character, he's got to have an ulterior motive really, hasn't he? It doesn't ring true, and honesty, when you try and change yourself like that, it doesn't really last or work, does it?

I very much enjoyed that little Rose and Scorpius scene when she fixed his hair. Little hints of ScoRose there! I loved the fact that he didn't want Sasha to change it again- oh, Scorpius, can't you see that Rose is the one for you? But what Scorpius said to Rose about Marcus and why else would he like her... Ouch, man. If I was Rose, I would snap and sass out on him. Rose did very well to sort of keep her cool which played true to her character. To not talk to Scorpius for the rest of the day is understandable, although of course, Scorpius' slip of the tongue is something we can comprehend. I mean, why would someone like Slimy Marcus like Rose? Bit incompatible, but I can see the attraction with the insults.

I liked the insight into Rose and Marcus' developing relationship- Rose is very aware of everything which I think is good. She's still a very independent character and not a typical Mary Sue.

Sasha now... Wow, I don't like her. She's a very believable character- everyone can be a bit of a Sasha sometimes and everyone knows someone who is completely her. She's a bit, well, ugh, if you understand me :D I pity Scorpius for having to put up with her. But, I do feel a little sorry for her. But yeah, like you said, I do want Scorpius to shut her up xD

I like Albus' character and Cathleen too. They both seem nice and that short little scene before Marcus came to apologize was quite sweet. I was pleased that he apologized to Cathleen as she really deserves that apology.

Anyway! I very much enjoyed this chapter! I can't wait to see how the plot carries on developing :) I'll see you soon!

Author's Response: Hey, that was still pretty quick.
Yes Marcus is making an actual effort and attempting to be nice. I think Rose is attracted to him because she knows what he can be and seeing that happen especially since it is for her, I think it flatters her. I don't think that Marcus is changing into something he is not, I think that Marcus is fully capable of being a nice guy but I think he gets more things when he acts like a prat. Unfortunately Marcus' ulterior motive is that he wants Rose, she has some how infatuated him and he sees something that he wants and he is going to get it regardless. It just happenes to be an added bonus that it is Socrpius' best friend and that it is bothering his cousin so much. But if Scorpius and Rose hadn't have been friends and she still did insult him, then he would still be after her, he isn't doing it to get back at Scorpius. I think that Marcus may surprise you as you get to know him. In the next chapter especially. Marcus keeps himself very guarded, and he is mean as a front, but in the few rare moments when he actually lets me in to see what he is really feeling it is almost like wow, where on earth did that come from. Which is why I have a hard time hating him, because of it.
Yeah Rose has a way of calming Scorpius down and her fixing his air which he spent so much time doing, I thought was very sweet. And the fact that he didn't let Sasha fix it, I love love love it. Where the story is at now, Scorpius is starting to have some odd thoughts about Rose, I really can't wait until you get there.
I feel so bad for Rose, Scorpius is her best friend and hearing that from him had to sting a lot, especially since she doesn't have a lot of boys showing interest in her, I'm sure there was a part of her for the slightest second that wondered of Scorpius was right, and imagine how bad that had to feel to think that. Scorpius slip of the tongue was something that he just shouldn't have said to her, thinking it and speaking it are two very different things, and I don't think I would have talked to him the rest of the day either.
I want Rose to be the type of person who holds strong to her values but doesn't let people run over her. She is sweet but headstrong in doing what is right.
Yeah I have met a couple of Sasha's in my life, she is a lot of something and it is annoying. Yeah I don't feel that Sorry for Sasha but that because I don't think this task is completely awful compared to ones later on.
I am taking a different approach with Albus in this story, he is a bit more neutral. Albus and Cathleen, along with Clark will play a larger role throughout the story. As for Marcus apologizing to Cathleen I think that was what Rose needed to here. The fact that MArcus recognizes that he hurt Cathleen and apologizes for it.
Anyways thank you as always for the review, I can wait for the next one. Glad you liked the chapter.



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Review #14, by Talya Tickless Watches

7th February 2014:
Love this story! Some great, really different characters and a very clever plot so far. I love the theme of watches and how the charmed one works - so clever! I wonder how long Scorpius' conscience will last though, he's already feeling guilty (which kind of makes me love him more though) :D

One thing in this chapter that upset me though, was when Rose said "Marcus please don't" and then he kissed her anyway. Clearly a violation of consent... It just turned me off because I read that as a kind of sexual a(s)sault (the 12+ rating of reviews won't even let me publish that word, so do you get what I'm saying?), which really isn't sexy and ruined the whole vibe of that paragraph.

Anyway, I'm going to keep reading the next few chapters, which will probably be amazing. I've read a lot of your other stories and you never disappoint :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading the story and enjoying the characters. Glad you find my idea clever and the watches.
I personally never meant for Marcus' kiss to come across as offensive or sexual assault. I am extremely sorry if you interpreted it that way because that is not how I ever intended it to be written. The thing was that Rose even though she said don't in the moment she don't of did want him to do. She said no because of who Marcus is and hearing him complement her in that way flattered her and unsettled her because she is not used to it. And Marcus did it because he has been somewhat infatuated with her for weeks it's not a good reason but he needed some sort of release and if he truly thought that she didn't want it he wouldn't have done it. But the way she said it whispering it almost as if it was painful for her to say. I don't know I felt that the scene was very in character for them both and I personally didn't see Rose saying please don't in an out right determined voice, I think she was nervous and confused but I think she wanted him to kiss her, because she did kiss him back and when she did push him back Marcus didn't push her.
Anyways I hope that one scene didn't ruin the entire story. The Marcus and Rose relationship does play a big role in the story and I don't want you to think of Marcus as a someone who would push himself on others. He is many things a jerk and a womanizer, but he does know boundaries and he does respect them. I hope that you will see that as you read on get to know him better. Thank you for reading and reviewing and I hope that this story doesn't disappoint.


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Review #15, by Lyn Timely Manners

7th February 2014:
I really love your Rose in this story. She is the kind of person who would be nice to be around and I can see why both Scorpius and Marcus would be attracted to her.

The thing that bugs me about Scorpius in this story (as well as your Confronting Temptation to some degree- see I love all your stories!) is that he is pretty self-righteous. He's makes pretty stupid decisions that will obviously be really hurtful to the people he cares about, especially Rose, but then tries to act like he was forced by circumstances and he isn't really that bad. Since he is the one always complaining about how evil Marcus is, he has to realize that he is going to be challenged to do the worst things possible that Marcus can think of. I get that in the heat of the moment he just agreed to the bet, but as things progress he is either going to have to knowingly turn into a Marcus-equivalent to win (which will really have no excuse) or decide to do the right thing and use all the energy he's putting into this bet to develop some new skills besides clock-making. The bet should at least help him realize that he's resourceful and capable of things he would have never though possible, so hopefully he will use that knowledge to push himself toward something productive rather than destructive.

And while I know that Marcus is supposed to be evil villain, he has other sides to him as well, which I think you do a good job bringing out with his relationship with Rose. And frankly, so far I almost like him better than Scorpius as he doesn't pretend to be something he's not, whereas Scorpius has this reputation of being a sweet, good guy when he's really not anymore. So I wonder who will I will like/hate more by the end of this story as it's a toss up right now!

Anyway, the premise of this whole story is really interesting as Scorpius will have to really confront what kind of person he is and what he is capable of. And once Rose finds out everything, I think it will take a lot for her to trust him again either as a friend or more, because once she knows what he is capable of as well as how good he was at lying to her about it (which he has already started to do and will most likely have to keep doing), I think it will make her reconsider everything she thought she knew about him.
Can't wait to see what happens!

Author's Response: Yeah I really enjoy writing Rose in this story. It's hard to see why anyone wouldn't want to be around her. Scorpius at the beginning of this story does believe he is morally superior to Marcus, it's a flaw, although in this story it is intentional. (not so much in Confronting) but I am certain that Scorpius self-righteousness is where a lot of Marcus' issues with his cousin lies, he has even said to him in chapter 6 "You pride yourself on being morally better than me, either you prove that you are or you sink to my level." Marcus has a point to prove he doesn't think that Scorpius is much better than him. And sadly Scorpius is in the very early stages of realizing that as well, when he first saw how hurt Skylar was he didn't blame Marcus he only blamed himself, what made him mad at Marcus was that he didn't even wait to the end of the month to give the next bet, almost like he was rubbing salt into the wound. That and also the fact that Marcus knew he was going to accomplish the bet, it is going to have Scorpius second guessing a lot of what he thought about himself.
Marcus really knows how to push Scorpius' buttons and you could say that Scorpius agreed to the bet because of that, I mean Marcus did wave the one thing he desires right in front of face and he didn't really think it through, (another flaw). As for him complaining that Marcus is evil, incase you haven't notice Scorpius is insanely jealous of Marcus, Marcus is pretty much living the life that he has always wanted, the one that he has a passion for. I honestly don't think he believes that Marcus is evil, in fact I'm sure he loves him in that you have to love your family way. The thing that he really has a problem with is that Marcus is a bully and Marcus enjoys that role and Scorpius truly does believe that Rose is going to end up hurt, which is the last thing he wants to happen.
Scorpius wont have to turn into Marcus completely but he will have to change slightly. Scorpius has a somewhat low self-esteem and he honestly believes that the only thing he can do that is right is clocks, it isn't some hobby for him, it is his passion and he can't give that up without a fight.
I don't think Marcus is supposed to be the evil villain, I think he is a complex character that I have a very weird love hate relationship with. There are moments when he is very sincere and others where I hate his guts, it's hard to tell exactly what he is feeling because he hides his feelings very well, but by giving Scorpius this bet and pretending that he has completely changed which he hasn't entirely or else he would have told Scorpius he wasn't going to go along with the bet anymore, wouldn't that imply that Marcus is pretending to be something that he is not? As for Scorpius, he is still (not nice, because what he is doing isn't nice) but his personality hasn't changed completely. Scorpius has a nice personality and that is why he has the nice guy role, he doesn't really have a reputation because the entire school pretty much avoids him. Still. (I have hard time not defending Scorpius because I know all of his thoughts and feelings and I am sympathetic towards him, makes it hard to write in a non biased way, but I must being accomplishing that because of the reviews I have about Scorpius.)
So glad that you like the premise, I am interested to see what people say as it progresses because I know that Scorpius is going to get a lot of heat, I mean it would be weird if he didn't I just hope I can make him likeable again.
I feel so much sympathy for Rose, she is the one who is going to have probably the biggest journey and a lot is going to happen to her in the upcoming chapters. I will tell you when she finds out she will not be her usual self afterwards. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I really liked this review it gave me a lot to think about and actually inspired me to write a certain scene in the next chapter, so thank you for making me think.


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Review #16, by Court Timely Manners

7th February 2014:
I'm sorry but I have to say that I don't' have very much sympathy for Scorpius. He knows exactly what he's doing and it's all for his own personal gain. I guess we can see why he's in Slytherin and a Malfoy after all of this. In my book, he is just as bad as Marcus and will probably be as bad or worse by the end. Personally, I don't even know all of what he's going to do, but considering you've hinted that he's now going to have to get into actual relationships and becoming emotionally and physically involved and then purposely crush a number of girls, I think that he will become pretty irredeemable. I actually hope that Rose ditches both of them, but since you seem set on a Rose/Scorpius ship I am extremely interested to see how you will make him at all worthy of her trust and love after all of this and hope he has to work for it and it's not just her forgiving him because she's so nice. Thanks for sharing.

Author's Response: Alright one thing I want to clear up is that Scorpius is in Gryffindor, not Slytherin. In the next chapter I am going to directly spell it out because there has been a lot of confusion about that.
Next in a way you are right Scorpius is unsympathetic. I try to add sympathy in where I can, but he knows what he is doing, and even though he isn't getting some weird twisted kick out of like MArcus, he knows that it is wrong and that it is bad, yet he still does it. the relationship dynamic is going to have to change between Scorpius and the girls, there is no good drama if I make it easy for him. I hope that I can make him a redeemable character, that is one of the task that I have set for myself in the story, but I also understand that there will be people who wont be able to find him irredeemable. So when that point comes you will have to let me know.
As for Rose, I can't give much away but I will say that if there is one person who is physically capable of making her doubt her beliefs in forgiving people unconditionally either by friendship or romance it would be Scorpius. And that is because they are so close and she sees him for who he is. In my personal opinion Scorpius is probably the only person who could hurt her enough to become bitter, not that I'm saying that that is what is going to happen, that part of the story is still pretty vague on how it is going to play out, but I just feel emotionally that that is the hold Scorpius has on her. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback.


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Review #17, by Phoenix_Feather49 Untimely Talks

2nd February 2014:
Hello again, stranger! Man, I know it's been weeks since I last reviewed on here but I've had a lot going on. I had a couple of exams before and after Christmas and I didn't really get the results I expected or wanted (oops...). So, I've been catching up, sorting out tutoring and revision sessions and the lark. I haven't even looked at this site till today, so sorry again. I haven't even worked on my own new story in a while (double oops) which is supposed to be going up in the next couple of weeks (triple oops).

I really enjoyed this chapter- I liked the interaction between Scorpius and Rose. Ooh, that little 'yes but you're not going to date me' comment... We'll see about that, Rosie. I enjoyed getting an insight into Rose's opinions and thoughts about everything, especially Marcus. She was in shock mode last chapter, so I liked seeing everything sink in a bit.

I thought what she said to Marcus was spot on. She has a knack for still managing to be kind and thoughtful whilst telling the truth and getting her point across, doesn't she? I liked that she did manage to insult Marcus though- he had it coming! But I'm really looking forward to how he's going to react to that. Is he going to really try and change for her or go off the rails even more?

I'm really intrigued by what Scorpius will do to make the next girl speechless, as Marcus put it. I'm actually really tense and nervous about it. Well, maybe not this one, but definitely for the more difficult tasks I'm guessing Marcus will set.

Going back to what you said in reply to my last review, I definitely think that you did the right thing having Rose and Marcus kiss instead of just being asked to Hogwarts. It made a bigger impact that I enjoyed. Also, thanks for clearing up Scorp's house for me! I like the idea that he's in Gryffindor actually. Will Albus and Scorpius ever become friends, or at least on friendlier terms?

I'm going to have to stop myself from going on and reading the next chapter- I really do have to do more work unfortunately! You've got me hooked though, which is good :) I think punctuation and grammar etc was pretty much spot on in this chapter; it flowed a bit better for me in this chapter!

Again, really enjoyed it! I promise to review ASAP this time :)

Author's Response: Well it is nice to know that I am a priority when you get on the site. Beleive me I understand being busy, I am reading eleven novels this semester. One of the actually being the first harry potter, for my childrens lit class. Needless to say I have not updated in three weeks and it is killing me. Unfortunately school has to come first before fanfiction.
Yeah Rose just needed some time to clear her head, and rationalize what had happened. I thought the 'you aren't going to date me comment' would be a nice little ironic comment so glad you caught onto it.
Rose has a hard time being 'mean' to anyone, she may hold personal opinions but even then they are not horrible. In later chapters a couple of people think that Rose is naive but in this chapter I sort of feel like she is showing that she knows how Marcus is, and that she recognizes his flaws, I honestly just think that she sees things differently than the rest of the world.
Yeah this task isn't near as bad compared to some of the other ones. Also once you meant the girl all you really want to do is make her shut up anyways.
Yeah the kiss was something that I felt would rattle the story much more. I also think it was a bit unexpected, my biggest issue was that in the chapter one she had just insulted him, but then in chapter two she kissed him it seemed rush. But seeing as how this story is so connected with dates I was able to give it a date to make it seem not so close together. But I felt that Scorpius would have a bigger problem with Marcus kissing Rose, then him asking her to hogsmeade and her saying no.
Yeah, with this story I wanted something different than the Temptation ones. I had already done the whole Scorpius in Slytherin thing, and I knew that Rose and Scorpius needed to be in the same house so that it would be convenient to do scenes together, because I honestly am not a fan of people 'visiting' houses they are not in, partially because it happened in the books but not very often, and usually under extreme circumstances. So when I was maping out the story I knew Slytherin was automatically out because lets face it this Rose in slytherin? yeah not going to happen. I had thought about throwing them both in Ravenclaw but Scorpius didn't fit in Ravenclaw and to be honest Rose is a true Gryffindor her characteristics are Gryffindor through and through, and I felt that Scorpius would fit because even though he does show a lot of signs of a Slytherin characteristics, he is also trying break apart from that and it shows... I hope. (I know I over analyze everything.)
Alright the deal with Albus and Scorpius is that Albus (much like the rest of the school) tends to stay away from him, he doesn't hate Scorpius he has just heard enough about his family to be cautious. They are working their way to be on friendlier terms. Albus loves Rose and who she is, and Scorpius and Albus may find some common ground, if not become friends.
I hope you read the next chapter soon, because I know you will catch onto a few things that might have gone unnoticed by a some people. ;) So glad that you are enjoying the story, chapter two's editing wasn't great but I also had trouble writing that chapter and I have noticed that that goes hand in hand. Thank you for reading, hope you get your work finished and straightened out. Loved the review.


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Review #18, by AriesGirl40 Timely Manners

30th January 2014:
I liked this chapter very much. It really held my attention. I hated for it to end.

By the sounds of how Dominique works, it shouldn't be hard to complete the quest. Dominique's seems to have a jealous streak for everyone. I think its just finding out what hers is for him already and bring it to attention. It wasn't stated that Scorpius needed to start an all out relationship with her. See you again soon!

Author's Response: This is probably one of my favorite chapters that I have written for this story. Yeah don't underestimate how hard this task actually may be. I know it wasn't stated that Scorpius needed to be in a relationship with her but he will be. This is going to be one of those task where he cant just rely on getting to know the girl and the maybe go out on a date with her. Most of the task from here on out will actually involve Scorpius needing to pursue some sort of physical relationship. But that's not a bad thing because I get write a lot of drama in the process.
Thank you so much for the review and for reading.


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Review #19, by Navera Timely Manners

25th January 2014:
I knew that what was going to happen to Skylar was not going to be good, but I guess it could have been worse (but then I have no clue anything could be worse than having the ENTIRE school know your inner most thoughts and feelings unless it would have been something like not wearing any clothes in front of the entire school).

I loved how even though Dominique said some horrible things to Rose, she still chooses to see the best side of people even though she knows that they people do have some bad in them, she just chooses not to see it. I think that is an awesome character trait that is not seen in a lot of people and it should be something we should all aspire to do.

I liked the part where Rose kissed Scorpius on the cheek. It seemed to me that it was something she hadn't done before and it was super sweet. Even though it was only a thank you, I think it meant something new for their relationship. I'm sure it only added to his confusion for his feelings for her. I get the feeling from his thoughts (very well written by the way, definitely made me blush) that he hasn't stopped thinking about how he doesn't know every aspect of Rose like he had once thought he did. See her like that with Marcus opened his eyes to a different part of Rose that he now wants to know. He is her best friend and he wants to know all her can about her (or at least that's the feeling I get from it). And when Marcus kissed her in front of Scorpius, it was to show him who had Rose, that Rose was not Scorpius' to kiss and hold like that. I think that embarrassed Rose more than she let show. Marcus is being so territorial with Rose when they are around Scorpius. I get the feeling he knows more about their feelings for each other than they know.

I really liked how when they got down to the Great Hall and Rose realized what was going on, she tried to make it right by gather the papers out of circulation, even though the damage had already been done. She cared more about helping Skylar get over what had happened than about her own problems.

I'm interested to see how Scorp will handle the next task. I think this is going to push Scorpius to do things he never thought he would do (like with all the tasks) and I can't wait to see how Rose will react to him pursuing Dominique. It is going to be interesting.

I know that when Rose finds out she will be mad at Scorpius, but I know she will forgive him because that is just the type of person she is. I'm not sure how Marcus is going to use Rose in the tasks he is setting for Scorpius, but I know he will. I anticipate that it will be to tear them apart, but it will also mean Rose will be extremely hurt and if there is one thing Scorpius doesn't like to do is hurt Rose or see her hurting.

I am so excited to see where you go with this! Thank you so much for writing!

Author's Response: Yeah my original plan for Skylar was actually completely different, but I felt that the journal idea was a bit more humiliating, because it is something so personal.
As for Rose, I was getting the impression that some people were finding her to be naïve and I wanted to settle that. She knows that there is bad in the world, she doesn't live in a land where there is all sunshine and happiness everywhere. She chooses to see things from a positive perspective, and she wants to believe in the best in people. I love writing Rose's character in this story, because she truly is just a good person, and she wants to help others see the good too.
Rose kissing Scorpius on the cheek was something that she has never done before. Their relationship is definitely moving to one that involves a lot more touching and hugging. It is going to have its affect on poor Scorpius, who is already confused enough as it is. Glad you liked his thoughts, I put a lot of time into figure out the right words to say, that would describe how he feels so I'm glad I got the affect. I think Scorpius was probably blushing too as he thought them. It is infuriating to Scorpius that there is a part of Rose that he doesn't know. I try not to word like this in the story because I'm afraid it will come across as too possessive, but Scorpius sees Rose as being his. Not in the way that he controls her, but she is his best friend, and she gives him hope when he feels lost, Rose had gotten him through a lot of tough times, and seeing Marcus know something that he had no clue about is driving him nuts, and he wants to know that part of her too. So you are getting the right feeling.
I think that is part of the reason why Marcus kissed Rose like that in front of Scorpius, but I also think it might have something to do with Marcus' self-esteem. It did embarrass Rose, but most of all it made her uncomfortable. Marcus is pretty sure he knows Scorpius' feelings, maybe not to the extent of Scorpius fantasying about her, but he has always sort of thought that Scorpius likes Rose. As for Rose though, I think Marcus is pretty secure that she doesn't have feelings for Scorpius, and at the current moment she doesn't, she still sees him as her friend, that is going to change soon.
In true Rose fashion of course she would try to help. There was never a thought in her mind to not try to.
The next task is going to have some fun chapters in it. Let's just say that Rose is super sweet but when she finds out about Scorpius perusing Dominique she is going to struggle with a couple of things.
Scorpius is very protective of Rose and the last thing he will ever do is want to hurt her.
I am so glad that you keep fallowing my story, I love your reviews. Thank you so much for reviewing.


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Review #20, by Sharvi Timely Manners

23rd January 2014:
Note how Rose gives Scorpius and Marcus both a kiss on the cheek. So that should mean they're both equally important right? And given the fact that Scorpius is just her best friend the gesture holds more value than it does with Marcus. (I'm going to choose to ignore the fact that Scorpius had spent the night letting Rose cry into his shoulder and she was just thanking him)

Yes she loves Scorpius more than Marcus. That's it.

I have to tell you though, I was blushing during the part Scorpius was fantasizing about Rose. This line- "would she become intoxicated with ecstasy" Why would you do that to us? Why? Do you like playing with our feelings? (Though I'm sure Rose would do all that and a lot more if Scorpius was to do what he imagined once she's broken up with Marcus)

I liked the conversation between Scorpius and Albus at the beginning because it's nice to know that the two think about Rose in the same way.

The fact that Marcus kissed Rose like that made me slightly mad because if it wasn't obvious I'm totally on Team Scorpius :P It almost felt like he was using her to prove something to Scorpius and not because he wanted to kiss her that way.

Sigh, what will Scorpius do. Rose will completely hate him for what he's doing, because she will find out at some point. That's Marcus' purpose isn't it? Well, I hope he'll be happy knowing that he's ruint the best parts of his cousin's life.

I'm jumping again but when you included the part where Scorpius was wondering what he would do after Hogwarts it was to heighten our sympathy for him right? Because it worked. I feel that he only needs to be disowned to finish the chain of bad things happening to him. Even Rose is going to hate him. The only thing I'm glad about is that Scorpius feels horrid for doing what he did because that means that he's not dropping to Marcus' level of just hurting people and not appearing to care. At least he didn't lie to Rose's face.

Wait, what if Scorpius' challenge with Rose is to make her fall in love with him and then break her heart? Or just make her hate him?

Lol, reading back this review seems all over the place. I'm terribly sorry to make you read through that mess, but this is what your chapter updates do to me.

Great great great chapter!! Cannot wait for the next update!

Author's Response: I suppose you could see Rose kissing both Marcus and Scorpius on the cheek as them being equal. I didn't write it to mean that though. I think they hold different values to Rose, but it does hold more value to Scorpius because Rose and him are just friends. You can ignore the fact all you want, but Rose kissed him for making her smile and always being there for her.
I blushed while writing that part. Rose having a boyfriend is making Scorpius see her in a very different way and I think he is curious about her in that way. I wrote that paragraph because at the moment Rose and Scorpius are not together and I had to add something that resembled a Scor/Rose moment even though it wasn't one, and it was inside his head. But still it was something to keep you wanting more, so the answer to your question is yes I do like playing with your feelings.
As for the conversation between Scorpius and Albus, they don't really get along well, and I think the conversation showed that they have more in common than they think. Albus never deliberately does anything to be rude to Scorpius, he just stays clear of him, like most of the school.
Marcus does have some genuine feelings for Rose, but his kiss towards her was meant to be territorial. But then again I don't blame him, it's an ego thing, and if I had walked in on my boyfriend hugging another girl, that you know has a bit more than friendship on their mind, I would probably feel the same. Marcus knows what Scorpius is feeling for Rose, even if Scorpius doesn't have a clue, Marcus has suspected it for years.
She will find out but it is way down the road, but she will not be happy with Scorpius that's for sure.
I'm not sure if I wrote it to heighten Scorpius sympathy, its good if it did because Scorpius is going to need all the sympathy that he can get for what he is going to do, but I wrote more for a reason to show what his life is like. I mean I don't think that the Malfoys would be the best people to hire after the war and I think it would be hard for Draco to find a job, and the same would be said for Scorpius. But you will understand that later on. Scorpius does feel horried about what he is doing, but it isn't stopping him from doing it. And hate to burst your bubble but he did lie to her face, she said who would do something like this, and he answered I don't know. Yeah he lied. Doesn't feel good about it but he did it.
If Rose is a challenge I think yours would actually count as two task. first To make her fall in love and second to break her heart. But thanks for the prediction.
It's fine, I'm ADHD, so I'm all over the place all the time. It's shocking that I can even write a story and make it cohesive. So glad that you liked the chapter. I'll update when I can. Thank you for the review.


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Review #21, by Fonzzx Timely Manners

21st January 2014:
I really REALLY hate Marcus. He's all wrong for Rose. Poor Rose, for whenever she finds out, and poor Scorpius, for having to do all this :(

Author's Response: Yeah there is a lot of drama to come. Thank you for the review, glad you are enjoying the story.

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Review #22, by Phoenix_Feather49 Tickless Watches

12th January 2014:
Hi there! Sorry it's taken longer than I expected to leave a second review- I've just been working on my own stuff so have sort of neglected my favourite authors and fan fictions. Plus, I typed out a long review and then my internet went off and I lost it and my review died, as did my willpower to retype. Hey ho, I'm here now on my phone with horrific AUTOCORRECT so excuse any ridiculous spellings.

First of, love Rose still. She's all saint like but still likeable and witty. The scene with Timothy was very sweet and it just showed what a good person she is (especially compared to Marcus in that scene). Marcus makes my skin crawl- he's wonderfully written and is horribly believable, but I still loathe him. He's just horrific but I kind of love him , you know?

I do not like Rose and Marcus as Marcus just isn't right for her. However, I think it will be interesting to see how Marcus develops and whether he will become a better man for Rose. Also,it will be interesting to see whether he is actually nice or whether he'll fake it for Rose. I think Rose will have to be very foolish and silly if she goes for Marcus right now- I'm possibly thinking that she might just ignore his nasty side if she does go for him which is just a stupid, little girl thing to do. I hope Rose is better than that. But, I do want to see what happens and I don't think they were rushed. They were well explained in this chapter and I did have a suspicion that this might happen from the first chapter.

Scorpions was kind of sweet in this chapter actually. Creepy but sweet. What house is he in again? I liked how he felt guilty for what he did but I can totally understand why he is doing what he's doing and the thrill he's getting. I only wonder what he'll make of Marcus' future challenges- I can only imagine that they'll get much worse! I look forward to seeing whether his attitude changes as time goes on.

Anyway I need to go now! I enjoyed the chapter overall, very much so. Aside from a few comma issues (there were a few points where commas and other punctuation could have been added so it would've flowed better), it was very enjoyable and well written. I look forward to reading the next chapter!

Author's Response: I don't see any issues with autocorrect so I think your good. No I understand it takes time to write a thoughtful review, believe me I know.
Yeah Rose is good in this story. I love the scene with Timothy, I think it really does show her personality. I enjoy writing Marcus way too much, but this is a Rose/Scor story so unfortunately with those scenes and the scenes with Scorpius' task a lot of Marcus scenes get thrown on the cutting room floor.
All of that about Marcus will come out in later chapters. I don't think Rose could date him right now she isn't the type of person to get over something easily, especially if they aren't trying to change. Yeah my issues with it being rushed was with the kiss, originally I had it planned out differently and he only asked her to hogsmeade, but when I was writing the Scor/Rose scene where he was asking her what was wrong, I found my self wanting Rose to say Marcus kissed me, even though she didn't say it.
Creepy? Well I guess so, it's the first task he has no game yet, it will get better. Unfortunately Marcus isn't going to go easy on him in future task and Scorpius is going to have some hard decisions to make.
Scorpius is in Gryffindoor along with Albus.
Yeah I know about the issues with commas, editing this chapter is on my to do list, but that is a very long list and unfortunately it's not a priority, getting up new chapters and school is my priority. Hope to hear from you soon. Thanks for reviewing.


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Review #23, by Phoenix_Feather49 The Proposition

6th January 2014:
So I know, I'm useless! I promised I'd start reviewing over the Christmas holidays, but I just haven't stopped! I did have chance to read it, but had no chance to leave a decent review which I wanted to do. So I'm here now (and unfortunately back at school...).

From the word go, I loved your depiction of Rose. Yes, a bit different- more kind and such but still a very no-nonsense sort of girl. Sassiness is still there, just a little more subtle, which I really like. She speaks just like I would've imagined her to- her intelligence and quickness is clear. I also really like Scorpius' character. I love their friendship and I think it's great that you've gone for them being friends from the beginning of the story. Out of interest, will we learn how they became friends in the first place? Just a bit curious and nosy :D

Already dislike Marcus- he's painted as a slimy, smarmy prat really. His bit about girls and "only the attractive ones" makes me want to create a machine to make him real, just so I can punch him in the face. Yey! Scorpius' "I could get any girl I like" retort is very teenaged boyish, which suits and is genuine to his age group (however much that annoys me too). I mean, how many blokes have you known say 'I could get any girl on this planet' sort of thing and you just think, 'oh please shut up. Now.'

Very interesting concept, I've got to say. I love the idea of Scorpius and his bromance with clocks (for want of a better phrase). With the whole Marcus deal thing, I just kind of went 'uh oh, this is gonna get crazy'. I love it though- very exciting! Just tense. I look forward to seeing more of all the characters- Marcus the most funnily enough. Is he always this mean or does he have a softer side?

But also, does Marcus have any interest in the clock company or is he just a bit of a dolt? Does he actually, you know, like clocks/watches or is he just accepting the company to annoy his cousin.

Will read on soon! Great first chapter- hooked right away. How's this for a reasonably long first review, eh? Not too shabby. See you soon!

Author's Response: Not to shabby at all. Trust me your not useless, my entire break was spent slaying in bed watching house hunters so yeah...
I knew I wanted to do something different with Rose that was nothing like the character from the Temptation stories, and I honestly love love love writing Rose in this story. I feel like there is something so genuine about her. She also holds her ground, I wanted to make her sweet but not so naive that you wanted to slap some common sense into her, I make a point to try and show that she has reason behind her choices. Once again them being friend from the beginning came from the idea that I didn't want to repeat the Temptation plot. (I wanted something extremely different). I do have a back ground for how they became friends, and I have tried to add it in, but there really isn't a great place for it. But I will tell you that they became friends in their second year.
As much as I dislike Marcus, I love writing him and I have actually tamed what he says a lot, half the time in my edits I have to go in and change what he says because he can get too mean. As for wanting to punch him, trust me you aint seen nothin' yet. As for Scorpius I feel like that line was him trying to argue with his cousin regardless of if he believed it or not, and your right that is so something a teenage boy would say.
I'm glad you find the concept interesting, this story is so different from my others stories and the plot is more complex (in my opinion. Scorpius is definitely thinking what has he gotten himself into. Marcus does have a sincere side but he doesn't like to show it.
Marcus' interest in clocks isn't like Scorpius', you will see in a couple of chapters how he feels. His idea is more about succeeding. It could be anything, clocks, dolls, clothes, and he would still think the same way, which is that he wants to prove that he can do this, and that choosing him over Scorpius wasn't the wrong choice. I haven't written anything suggesting it but I'm sure that Marcus' isn't really getting much of a choice in accepting the company, he honestly believes that Scorpius wont succeed in this bet so he's not too worried yet.
I hope that you enjoy the next chapter, I loved seeing this review from you, I was all like yay my friend and then I read it. lol. Thanks for reading it, hope to read more reviews/stories from you when you get a chance.


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Review #24, by AriesGirl40 Walking with Time

26th December 2013:
Too bad Dominique doesn't have a conscience. I was hoping Rose might be able to make her cry. Poor Rose. Scorpius will make things seem right again, I hope.
Hope your Christmas was a merry one !

Author's Response: I think it would take a lot to make Dominique to cry, not to mention Rose would probably carry a guilt complex about it. Scorpius will understand her more than anything. My Christmas was very nice thank you. Thanks for the review and for reading.

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Review #25, by Navera Walking with Time

21st December 2013:
Okay, I still feel extremely sorry for Skylar and still get the feeling like what ever Scorp does to her is going to end badly, but I keep hoping that it won't be too horrible.

I think that Scorpius running into Marcus and Rose was interesting for him. He had never really seen her in that way before, even though you can tell that he has feelings for her that go beyond friendship, it is just taking time for him to recognize those feelings.

As for Dominique? She can be a not very nice person (since I can't say what I really think of her and keep within the guidelines for writing reviews). I still can't believe that she would be so stinking selfish about SOAP for one measly little year. I mean, couldn't she have her mum send her something? But anyway, I do think she is right about Rose finding out that not everything is good, and when that happens she is going to be crushed. And even though I get the feeling that Scorpius will have a part in it (thanks to Marcus), he will be the one that she turns to to help her pick up the pieces.

I absolutely love that when Dominique hurt Rose that it was Scorpius that she wanted Albus to get. I still can't help but think that these two are unconsciously more than just best friends.

I cannot wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Unfortunately Skylar is going to be a tough lesson for Scorpius.
It was really fun writing Scorpius' running into Rose and seeing her like that, I think it was something that he needed to see. Before then I get the feeling that he always saw her as his best friend who he met when he was twelve, I don't think he has ever thought about her as a woman. Right now he is so confused that he doesn't know what his feelings are telling him, but he does know that he is tired of the whole Marcus and Rose relationship and it is not just because he hates his cousin.
Dominique is one of those people who isn't happy unless she has something to complain about. Whether it be boys, soap, or the single split end on her selfish blond head. Its not about having her mum send her something, it was that I wanted Dominique to have a petition and soap seemed like something that was completely mundane and ridiculous, but someone as superficial as Dominique would care about. Also I really do think that Dominique does think that she is somehow bettering the school.
Rose is unique in the way that she thinks. She naturally sees the best in people and she is the type of person who would give the coat right off her back if she thought that someone else was in need of it. One thing that is overlooked is that she does see peoples faults as well and she chooses to look past them. As for your prediction, I will tell you that there is really only one thing that could crush her.
they are definitely more than just friends, they seek comfort in each other and they have a bond that is rare, unfortunately Rose isn't realizing it as fast, but just give it a month.
Thank you so much for the review, I enjoyed reading it, and I loved your analysis of the characters.


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