Reading Reviews for The Psychology of Gobstones
  
28 Reviews Found

Review #1, by kenpo A Little Psychology Goes a Long Way

19th January 2014:
Hey here for our swap. And I'm finally finishing this short story! I loved it so much and then got really busy but HERE I AM and I couldn't be happier.

Lysander is awesome. His character is awesome and quirky and consistent. Everything about him seems spot-on and well thought out. The way you describe him and all of his actions... it's never a generic word. You always choose words that just pin-point who he is, and that's really awesome.

with a fervor that is unrivaled by even the greatest of lovers!

I mean, who says that?! He's awesome and hilarious and you're amazing for writing him so well.

The same thing applies to Lorcan and Cassie (I'm calling her Cassie because I'm lazy and don't feel like going to double-check I've spelt it correctly:) )

Cassie is hilarious. The way you describe her is so fantastic. You're really marvelous at characterisation, I'm so jealous!!
The line about that she didn't just blush, but she went purple, was seriously brilliant.

The plot, too! It's so character-driven, but it stands on it's own as well.

This was such a fantastic short-story. I loved it. I'm so glad I finally got around to finishing it! You did a phenomenal job.

Author's Response: Yay, swappity swap! Sorry once again for being a bad author and not responding to your reviews in a timely manner. :P

Awww, I know that I've said this maybe a zillion times, but THANKS!!! I'm actually really happy with the way that these characters turned out, and Lysander was probably the most fun to write. He's positively dotty, and so he required his own set of adjectives. :)

Who says that? Lysander does! He's an absolute loon, I'm telling you! :D Aww, thanks, but you're the amazing one for reviewing me so much. :)

Cassiopeia is hard to spell. I spelled it wrong SO much while I was writing. *frustration* So yes, Cassie is bananas. In fact, I think that all of the characters are a bit bananas, but Cassie takes the cake (topped with bananas, of course). She is a maniac and a bully, and describing her in such brutish terms gave me a sense of joy that I had never before experienced. :D But don't be jealous--you're pretty darn awesome at characterization yourself!!! :)

Thank you so much for sticking with this story to the end! The lonely last chapter needed your love! :)

Catch you later! :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #2, by kenpo An Abundance of Darlenes

13th January 2014:
Hey! I loved the first chapter, so there's no way I'm not reading and reviewing the next two. I'm gonna do a rolling review because I enjoy them. Sorry if you think they're annoying or anything.

moth-eaten books and decaying desks
What a fantastic description!

The description of the room is phenomenal. But what's the real problem...?

Red hair. Must be a Weasley.

The girl's creepy chuckle developed into a full witch's cackle.
That's so awesome! I can hear it perfectly!

Lucy Weasley, cold-blooded Slytherin, rose from her rotting throne and stepped towards her timid client.
I can't get over how well this is written. Also, I was totally right! Yay!

She seems creepy. What services is this? What? This is weird but I really like it.

Hah. Death my ginger.

I love how you write the dialogue. It really shows the differences between the characters.

the most inhumane type of conditioning known to man.
I like that she recognizes that her tactics are unusual at best:)

His mother had always told him never to look a gift Blibbering Humdinger in the mouth,
I LOVE THE REFERENCE TO LUNA.

Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline!
I'm gonna think about boggarts every time I see one of those ads:)

Even the most magical of wizards can't fit an entire swimming pool into a boggart's trunk!
He clearly hasn't heard about Hermione's bag.

RITA SKEETER WRITES A SOAP ABOUT HARRY OH MY GOSH THAT'S SO PERFECT.

Awww, Lorcan is all angry. Poor little Lysander.

Oooh! Surprise, Lorcan! One hour! Have fun!

Okay. Sorry. This was a really random and useless review. I really like this story though, and I hope I conveyed that.

There were a few spots that I noticed really nitpicky grammar things.

1- When you use an ellipsis, if it's at the end of a sentence you need a fourth period to end the sentence. Same with dialogue, you still need a comma.
"Oh, I see...," she said.

2-This is a weird formatting thing. Where you end dialogue with dashes (which is an effect that I really like), the quotation mark turns itself around. I think a way to fix it would be to type the entire quote and then go back and add the dash.
So first you'd type:
"Oh I see"
and then add the dash
"Oh I see-"

That's all I've got. This is fantastic. I love this. You're amazing. I'll almost certainly read and review the third chapter:)

Author's Response: A rolling review? This is most curious! I've never had one of those before! It's definitely not annoying--it's a review, after all, and I like those. :)

Yes, Lucy and her demonic red hair. She's a creepy one--if Cassiopeia weren't a Gryffindor, I'm sure that those two would be toadies. However, it would probably be a master-servant relationship--as in, Lucy=Dr. Frankenstein and Cassiopeia=Igor. Heh. :)

All the lines you quoted... I was trying to be so dramatic, haha! I'm so glad that they were effective! :)

Yes, death by ginger is the worst. They can't even feel remorse because they don't have souls.

Luna is the Queen of Nargles. And she gave birth to those two dorky twins. I had to give her a nod in here somewhere. :)

Bahahaha, boggarts and Maybelline--perfect partnership. They should do an ad with a guy who's afraid of makeup-wearing women. (I'm not an advertising person, thank Merlin...)

Hey, wizards need something to entertain themselves, and Harry Potter's life is some pretty good story fodder (as HPFF will attest!). Once the wizards got into Muggle television, it was only a matter of time before Rita Skeeter got into show biz. ;)

Nah, this review wasn't useless. It made my day when I read it and now it's making my day better as I'm rereading it to respond. :D

Ugh!! I'm such a Grammar Policewoman, but sometimes I feel hypocritical because things like that happen!! I never knew that thing about the ellipses--thanks for schooling me! And argggh, yes, the quotation marks! Microsoft Word r dumb. I will totally fix those things (one of these days...)!

Thanks again for your supermegafoxyawesomehot review!! You're amazing, too!

P.S. In the soap opera, Darren Criss plays Harry. ;}

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #3, by kenpo His Worst Mistake

13th January 2014:
Hey! Here for the 'Claw Battle. This is really interesting so I'm gonna go ahead and spam you with reviews and do all three chapters:)
I'll also be trying out the format (adjusted a bit) that DarkRose over on the forums suggested in a blog post...
So... Here goes!

General Opinion: This was a great idea. Really original! I enjoyed it a lot, it was humorous and well-written and just fantastic.
The only suggestion I'd make is that there are times when there are a lot of commas, and it can read slightly choppy. These are mostly places where commas are optional.
"She smiled, whether sinisterly or coyly, he couldnít tell, and came in close."
Like here, it just seems a little awkward. I'm being really picky when I say that, though.

Grammar/Spelling: No problems I could see! Although it was captivating enough that I was reading too fast to notice anything...

Great Lines: Oh man. So many. Too many, or the entire 6000 characters will be quotes...

Sunlight danced along the banks of the Black Lake as students of

Gulping, he reached across the table, lifting a Gobstone gingerly and setting it into place at his opponentís end of the board.

Though his insides trembled for fear of the repercussions, Lorcan kept his voice calm.

Motioning to her posse, she stalked away from the battleground, a wounded, malignant she-devil. Watching her exit made Lorcan feel light-headed, and it wasnít due to some fictional latent attraction to the sway of her hips. He barely registered the encouraging slaps on the back that his mates bestowed upon him.

It was said that she was the illegitimate child of Grawp and Madame Maxime, raised by giants to cover Maximeís shame. (That whole paragraph, but this line in particular!)

Plot: I already said it, but this is such an original, fun idea. You've got a great start. You've got an obvious conflict set up (the rematch), but also more complex ones (how will he face his fears?). The types of conflict varies from Man-(wo)Man, Man-Self, Man-Gobstone... okay, I don't think that last one in usually recognized as a conflict type...

Characterization: You did such a great job with this! Lorcan and Lysander are awesome! It's funny that Lysander has taken it upon himself to be his brother's therapist after being Sorted into Hufflepuff, because I've written two brothers, one a Hufflepuff, who acts as a therapist for his brother.
Okay that sentence was awful. I need a beta for my reviews.
When Lysander took about ten minutes to get over how funny he thought the Freudien slip... I laughed. He's such a dork. He's so cool.

Cassiopeia is awesome! I mean, I wouldn't want to be friends with her, but as a character... she's awesome.

Lorsan is awesome too. Both as a character and as someone I'd totally hang out with. He's awkward and perfect.

Descriptions: You do an amazing job with descriptions. This chapter is a great example of "show not tell". In my favorite lines, there are some great examples of descriptions.

Interactions: Yes! The interactions! That's really where your characters come to life. I love the interaction between the twins. They obviously care about each other, but Lysander seems to annoy Lorcan. Which makes it believable.

And Lorcan and Cassiopeia! She terrifies him and he turns into this bubbling little guy. She's so intimidating! She sent him to the hospital wing! Will Lorcan try to seduce her? I want to know. Which is why I'll be leaving you two more spastic reviews.

Style, Pacing, and Flow: Your writing is wonderful and easy to read. It moves quickly enough for a first chapter (I usually prefer fast-paced first chapters because... it's the first chapter. I'm too lazy to make a big commitment to reading a first chapter.) I really can't say anything other than that this was fantastic.

Closing remarks: Marvelous.

Author's Response: Hi! It's been an inexcusable amount of time since I've responded to reviews, and so now I am here, belatedly, to respond to your lovely, lovely, lovely reviews that you left on this silly little story! :)

First of all, THANKSTHANKSTHANKSTHANKSTHANKS!! Review spam=good spam. You are so, so sweet for reviewing ALL THREE chapters. Second of all, major props to you for trying the whole "SuperComprehensiveThoroughWonderfulLovely" Review format. It really means a lot to me that you took the time to do that!

Humorous and well-written?! You're too kind! I wrote this story while I was right in the middle of reviewing for my AP Psychology exam, so all of the psychology started flowing out of my mind and onto the paper! It was very, very silly and I enjoyed every minute of it. :)

As for the comma thing... I do that A LOT. Commas are my friends--like those friends that people have that are REALLY bad for them. Yeah, commas are THOSE friends for me. Thank you for pointing that out! One day when I edit this (probably a long time from now...), I will look over it for all of the unnecessary commas! :D

Hahahahaha, did I really write those lines?! It makes me happy that you liked them so much. I only aim to please! But actually, I think that I forgot about writing them, because reading them in this review was like reading them for the first time. Hahaha, I'm too forgetful, I guess.

I think that Man vs. Gobstones should DEFINITELY count as a source of conflict. There's so much tension, so much riding on one move of the game pieces! Trololol, just kidding. But again, THANKSTHANKSTHANKS for saying that this is an original idea. I really like being original. (And I also like the use of the word "really," apparently. Sorry about that!)

Really?! You've got two brothers--one who acts as the other's therapist?! What a goofy coincidence!! Yes, Lysander is a complete dork, but I wouldn't have him any other way. His favorite color is purple because he thinks it goes well with yellow. So that should give you some idea about what kind of a silly goober he is. :}

Cassiopeia is definitely something else, that's for sure! I wouldn't want to be friends with her, either, but while I'm being honest, I might as well say that I sometimes feel like her. Especially when I wake up at 7:00 am to go practice the oboe and the music building is closed. (So she's partly inspired by my bad moods, I guess.) Heh heh. :p

Amazing job with descriptions?! Again, you are just too kind. I try and try to get descriptions as accurate as possible, but sometimes I can't find words for what I'm seeing in my head. And sometimes my descriptive powers go away when I'm trying to work my way through dialogue, but that's another problem entirely, I guess. Thanks so much!

Oh yes, the twins will never NOT get on each other's nerves. They definitely love each other, but in an odd, dysfunctional sort of way. Cassiopeia is a nightmare--Lorcan's nightmare, mostly. Lorcan may or may not try to seduce her, but I assure you that if he does, it is for purely unromantic reasons. :D

You're so, so, so wonderful for leaving me three awesome reviews!! I will go and answer the other two now. Again, thank you ever so much for these!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #4, by Lululuna An Abundance of Darlenes

7th January 2014:
Hello! :) Here for Day 12 of the 12 Days of Reviewing Challenge!

It's been way too long since I read this story! This chapter actually made me giggle so much and was really witty. Poor, poor Lorcan, in his defense I think the sight of all those Darlenes would frighten me as well! :P

You actually kill me with all of the terrifying descriptions. I was so frightened of the thing he was seeing, and then realized it was just Lucy. She seems so maniacal and cruel, and my favourite part would have to be when she informed him that he'd been cured an hour ago. And then when she used Rennervate on him because she wanted him awake for the torture, that just seemed so vicious. Lucy sort of played up the idea of the mad scientist or cruel doctor only caring about their experiments and it was really hilarious, and I enjoyed the ginger references as well.

The descriptions of Darlene, especially when her legs poked out of the trunk, made me giggle as well. Just her name was so perfect, and the idea of all of them trying to convince Lorcan to come live with them was so funny! The thought of using a boggart here was so genius - on your part and Lucy's.

I love how indignant Lorcan is that he doesn't want romance, and how the others just can't figure out that all he wants is to play Gobstones and stay away from women. Poor guy!

This was wonderful, I really enjoyed laughing my way through the chapter. Well done! :D

Author's Response: Hi!!

Witty?! Me?! Thanks!! I'm really not witty in real life, but this story brought out a side of me that was previously unknown. I definitely felt sorry for Lorcan throughout this whole chapter, but it was worth it--he needed to grow up.

Oh no! I didn't mean to frighten you! However, I'm glad that you were. Lucy is definitely, definitely a sadist, which was an incredibly fun thing to write. She's much different from Cassiopeia because she's actually smart and her physical appearance isn't very intimidating, but DANG! She became the stuff of nightmares without my permission (and I'm okay with that).

Darlene. I have no earthly idea where I pulled that name from, but it seemed to fit. The leg thing was so silly--boggarts are easily defeated if you can face your fear, and I hope that all of the goofy things that the multiple Darlenes did showed that. Genius?! Thanks so much!!!

Yeah, Lorcan is no casanova. I'd like to imagine that when he grows up, he'll live alone with cats. ;)

Thanks again for your awesome review!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #5, by patronus_charm A Little Psychology Goes a Long Way

6th December 2013:
Here for RRT!

This chapter was brilliant! Cassiopeia really was in her element of being a brilliant villain, though I still canít decide whether I feel sorry for her or not. At first, I thought the plan was to yell insults at her but then the twist with the kiss was a brilliant one. It not only played with my mind but Cassiopeiaís too, and made me wonder what those scheming twins were really up to. I have to applaud Lorcan for kissing her though because it did not sound pleasant in the slightest.

The pre-match talk but post-kiss one was brilliant. I loved this comeback from Lorcan ďIn what method of currency, dear Cassie?Ē it just had me chuckling away so much because itís the sort of easy wit that I hope to conquer one day but probably never will. I almost wish that it had carried on for longer because the spark and chemistry youíd created between the two was just to tangible I didnít know whether it would end up with either them killing or kissing the other.

I loved the fact that Cassiopeia viewed attending psychoanalytical sessions with annoyance. Well, I love Freud so of course I would love going to them but seeing her response did make me chuckle. Another note on the awesome Freudy Freud (thatís the name of a weird song about him too :P), all the hints and mentions to him in this chapter were brilliant and I just think the idea of combining Muggle scientists into the magical world is a really brilliant one.

Great chapter and story at that!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review!!

I definitely don't feel sorry for Cassiopeia. She is as odious as I could make her, and that's exactly what my intention was. The kiss just sort of happened... I don't think that Lorcan really planned it beforehand, but with his phobia dispelled, it was a bold and risky move.

Oh, I'm sure that you can be witty! I don't ever stop to think about being quick-witted; I just write. This story is incredibly different from my other ones in that I actually use (or attempt to use) humor, so I'm glad that you found it amusing!

Personally, I'm not that fond of Freud, but he did have some useful things that I was able to use in my story. Cassiopeia just doesn't like it when people pry into her life! :D

Thanks again for your awesome review!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #6, by celadon A Little Psychology Goes a Long Way

5th December 2013:
Here from the Blue vs Bronze Battle!

This was horrendously funny in a rather disturbing way. I haven't read this story before (which I am kicking myself about) so I read through the first two chapters before coming to review this one.
Oh. My. Lord. I have to say, your female characters are rather...impressive. You have the ferocious Cassie who can bring Voldemort to his knees with her bad breath and body odor. Then you have Lucy who seems to be quite the manipulative and insane psychoanalytic. Brilliant characters.
Lucy's training really seems to have an impact on Lorcan. Initially the quiet, timid boy, Lorcan seems to have developed a total maniac side. I quite like this new and improved Lorcan quite a lot.
Favourite line:
'Lysander rose from his stately desk chair, a favorite of his because of its spinning capabilities.'
This story also reminded my a tiny bit of Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew. It was the subtle humor and sheer ridicule that really made me enjoy the story. It's nice to see bullies being tamed every once in a while.
It was hilarious and a great pleasure to read :)

Author's Response: Aw, you're so nice!!! Thank you so much for leaving a review on this chapter! :)

Yes, though most of my stories are sort of dark/mysterious, I tried to put some humor into this one. It was something that I had never done before, and I had a lot of fun attempting!

Thank you for thinking that my female characters were ferocious! I wanted them to be really unique, so I tried to make them mean without giving them any endearing qualities. It was surprisingly easy to do! :)

Hah, that line! I'm so glad you liked it! Lysander is just that kind of guy--a real dork, I think. :D

I have never read Taming of the Shrew, but I know that my scribblings cannot compare to the Bard's masterpieces! I would like to think that Lorcan, for once in his life, was somewhat of a hero in that he subdued the monstrous Cassie, but of course, he only did it out of self-preservation. ;)

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #7, by SilentConfession His Worst Mistake

16th July 2013:
Hey! I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get to this review! I've just been busy with RL stuff and the HC!

No romance? This will be interesting, for sure. You definitely emphasize that this will not be a romance story and focus a lot on how everyone is just not interested in it. It actually makes this story very ridiculous. Not in a bad way, just, it adds to the hilarity is what i'm trying to get at. The fact that there is a massive barrier between sexes and between romance. It's very dramatic but It helps the story along definitely.

The flow of this chapter seems to be okay. There is some choppiness to it because there were times I wished that i could see the characters doing things and have them come alive a little more in certain parts. Something that may help is just to add a little extra description about what they're doing, what their arm movements are like, facial expressions. What do they smell? Things like that help us envision the scene a bit more and I think that's the only thing that made the story a little less flow-y if you know what I mean.

Character wise. I think you generally did a good job. You seem to have a grasp on your characters well and they come across strong in this first chapter. I liked how Lorcan was talking about how his brother doesn't understand intellectual pursuits and yet it's Lysander who's basing a lot of stuff on theories/ideas on some psychologist (who i refuse to name because I don't think his ideas were A+). They are likable and endearing in their own outrageous sort of way. I wanted to smack Lysander a few times but I did enjoy reading him. I wonder why he's so 'fixated' on psychology and Freud. Hope you develop that in chapters to come. I like he flamboyance though and his ability to just say whatever comes to mind. It's a good quality to have. Lorcan is equally as well developed so far. I liked his terror and how he says he's not brave and doesn't ever want to save damsels in distress. You play with that characterization well and I've begun to like him a lot.

The balance between dialogue and description is good. I'm someone who always loves description and i lean towards that a lot. However, I think you have it balanced quite well and the only thing i'd mention is that when there is dialogue don't forget to add some telling details of what your characters are doing. Where they are sitting or what the room looks like or if it's changing as they talk. it just adds a little more depth to those moments and can give us a clear and vivid picture of your scene.

This was a delightful and easy read and if you aim is for a slightly ridiculous plot that seems to take things less seriously then i think you've hit something special. It seems a little overdone in some places, but in a way the comedic release that you get from that is spot on. So it really depends on your goals are for this story. This is a first chapter so no one can expect fully developed characters or plot and if you're aiming at developing them more just make sure that they are multisided individuals. Really, this is a great beginning, feel free to re-request if you found this review helpful :)
-zayne

Author's Response: Hello!

Okay, I have been SUCH a bad person for the past gazillion months because I didn't answer this review for the LONGEST time, but here I am, finally responding. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to finally stop being lazy/busy, if you like to read author responses. Please forgive me!

Balancing dialogue and description is something that I have trouble with, especially when the characters are conversing and I'm supposed to describe what they're doing and what's going on around them. I just can't get a handle on it! Maybe in the future, when I finally edit this story, I will look over the dialogue portions and see what I can do to make things come to life a bit more. Thank you for the suggestion!

I am so glad that you thought that my characterization of the boys was good! Yes, I also disagree with Freud (he was kind of a jerk, but he contributed to psychology, so yay for him, I suppose), but it was fun throwing in all of the references. I wrote this story at a time when I was studying intensely for my psychology exam, so it kind of transferred over to my writing. :)

Yes, my aim was for absolute ridiculousness, and as a result, the characters don't have a lot of good background. Why does Lysander like Freud so much? Probably because the silly girl who wrote him was steeped in psychology at the time. I can definitely try to work on that, though.

Thanks so much for your review, and again, I am SO sorry that I was rude and didn't respond for a LONG time. :P

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #8, by marauderfan An Abundance of Darlenes

11th July 2013:
Here with your requested review! Sorry this one wasn't as quick! Since you didn't list any areas of concern for this one, here's just a jumble of my thoughts as I read it:

I love the way you intentionally mislead the reader, making everything seem incredibly dramatic and scary, but then it's something mundane. I think it's great. And it shows how Lorcan really has a flair for the dramatic!

Lorcan's Boggart was pretty hilarious. Poor kid though, surrounded by 14 of his greatest fear, who all love him. (I was slightly reminded of Sir Galahad in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, haha.) But good for Lorcan, he's a good sport putting up with them for that long!

This might just be part of your intentionally misleading style, but in the beginning you mention the "lion's den", so I assumed Lorcan was going to meet with the Gryffindor, but then he meets a Slytherin, and they're no lions! So maybe I'd re-word the bit about the lion's den - if you're looking for things that sound scary, perhaps "pit of snakes" will do? (Unless of course that's too obvious!)

I was also curious how Lucy Weasley got involved with psychoanalysis. I kept thinking she was making up everything she said, basically just acting as a middleman for Lysander. So I was a bit confused why she was doing that, but otherwise I like the way you wrote her personality!

My one nitpicking comment for the chapter - Lucy says "I could care less" when it should be "I couldn't care less". ;)

Great second chapter, I really liked it!

Author's Response: Hi! I'm so sorry that it's taken me agggeeesss to reply to your review! D:

Hahahaha, Sir Galahad... I never thought of that. I'm glad you saw it. That's pretty funny!

Yes, I mentioned the "lion's den" at the beginning, and I didn't mean to be misleading. When I wrote that, I hadn't decided which House Lucy would be in. So I probably should change that to make it fit better. Thanks for pointing it out! :)

Because I wrote the majority of this story while I was studying for a Psychology final, I put Lysander and Lucy on the two most opposite ends of the psychology spectrum: psychoanalysis (Lysander) and behaviorism (Lucy). I might need to think up a suitable backstory for each of them, because their psychology knowledge seems to spring up from nowhere. I'll see what I can do! I wrote Lucy in the snarkiest manner that I could, and I'm very happy that you liked how I wrote it! :)

Agh, I ALWAYS get that wrong. "I could care less" definitely means that the person cares a lot. Gr... I will fix it! Thank you so much for pointing it out!

Thanks for your wonderful review!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #9, by MC_HK An Abundance of Darlenes

9th July 2013:
This chapter was too funny! Again, the witty banter and the awkward thoughts that Lorcan had to himself were hilarious! Your imagery and use of adjectives was spot on.

I'm sorry this is so short, but I don't find too much wrong with this chapter. My only suggestion is try not to use parentheses too much. For me, at least, it kind of messes up the flow of the story. There are many ideas you can creatively convey without having to use them. Also, I'd like to know what happened to him in that trunk! Maybe add in a little bit of him telling Lysander what he had to endure.

I'm sorry if you expected something more, but I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter! It was a good length and kept me giggling all the way through. Looking forward to reading more :) MC_HK

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for your review! I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. :)

I'm very glad that you thought that my chapter was funny. Humor tends to be a weak spot for me, because nobody gets my jokes! :P

I will definitely try to edit out some of those parentheses! They ARE a bit bothersome, and the only reason that I use them is that I get into these parenthetical moods... I guess I'm strange. I also need to qualify the trunk part a bit better--I never actually meant for Lorcan to get into the trunk. I could've done a lot better job of showing that, couldn't I? I'm sorry for the confusion. :)

Hey, any review is a good review, in my opinion! Thanks for your thoughts. I'll definitely re-request for the last chapter!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #10, by MC_HK His Worst Mistake

8th July 2013:
Being a psych minor myself, I loved this! :)

The opening was awesome! I love how fun this is to read and how easily it makes me smile :) Comedic genius, I tell ya!

I personally think you kind of forced the non-romance a bit. It kind of screamed NO ROMANCE where a simple statement would do, but I suppose that was what you were going for lol so don't mind me :/

If you're worried about flow, you shouldn't be. I think it flows great, and the characters are so amusing! Their dialogue is priceless! The conversation feels natural and their personalities really shine through which is super important.

If I really had to nit-pick, I would say add some more detail in the dialogue. Like conversation wise, add in facial expressions or tones of voices more often to help the reader be able to "hear" the conversation better. But don't overdo it, because then it just becomes tedious to read, so find that happy medium that you can really help paint a picture, but not make it boring.

Overall, I loved this. Its so funny and a great read. I look forward tor eading more :) MC_HK

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad that you have a psych background so that you could understand my many references! :)

The object of the No Romance challenge was to really over-emphasize how much romance was NOT a part of the story, and I may have gone a bit overboard in the beginning. It certainly can get tiring after a while, and I hope that it isn't too prevalent in the rest of the story. I totally understand where you're coming from. :)

When I edit this story sometime down the road, I'll certainly take a second look at the dialogue. That's one thing that I'm not so brilliant at--finding that happy medium in dialogue. Thanks for pointing it out!

Thank you so much for your lovely comments and constructive criticism. I really am very grateful for it! :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #11, by marauderfan His Worst Mistake

8th July 2013:
Hello hello! marauderfan here with your requested review.

I really enjoyed reading this! You adhered to the non-romance theme very well. I particularly liked the bit about Rose and Scorpius's passionate disagreement about Chocolate Frog cards, haha.

Poor Lorcan! That girl he was competing with sounds downright scary. (I loved the rumours about her, by the way!) And I appreciate the fact that she's a Gryffindor, it's nice to see a Gryffindor antagonist for once.

I have to say I don't know much about Freudian psychology, which only made Lysander seem crazier! I love the way you've characterised him. He's a lot like Luna, only instead of being really into weird magical creatures, it's psychology. And he doesn't care what people think of him. Basically I think you did wonderfully with him.

You've got a really nice story flow, peppered with little humourous comments (the building up of the Gobstones game as something deadly... Oh and the oil spill reference. I LOL-ed at that one.)

Based on the title, I'm gathering that psychology is quite important to the story, and if you want to flesh out the characters a bit more (well, just Lysander) I think you could add why he's so into psychology in the first place. It's not really necessary to add, since this is primarily a humour piece, but if you wanted to I think it would add depth to the character and make him more understandable.

Otherwise, lovely job on this! And feel free to re-request.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for being so prompt with your review, and the lovely comments you've given me! :)

Yes, I really wanted to take a stab at Scorose--I actually don't mind them as a pairing, but there are so many stories about them in a hate-turns-to-love relationship. I just wanted their relationship in this story to be a brief mention of hate-remaining-hate. :)

I'm so glad you loved the rumors! That was my attempt at being very silly, and to kind of explain why she's in Gryffindor. Really, she's kind of bold and brash, and not very cunning. That's kind of the Gryffindor bad side, and she has it full-on. I just wanted to give her something that would set her apart from most antagonists, and to me, making her a Gryffindor really does make her an odd duck.

I'm so sorry that I didn't explain the terms fully enough! This story was written at a time when I was reviewing a LOT for a psych final, and I kind of word-vomited psychology terms without giving a definition. When I edit, I'll have to add some qualifiers so that people can kind of get a grasp of what's going on!

The oil spill reference? Well, in much the same way that I was word-vomiting psychology, I was also studying for my environmental science final! That's just kind of a passing mention, but I thought it was a little bit humorous. I'm so glad you caught it!

I could always add things to my story!! I have this really bad habit of making my characters exist only in the words that I write them in, but there is much more to be said on some aspects! Lysander does need to reveal more of his character and his background, as do the rest of the gang. I will definitely be working on that! :)

Thank you so very much! This review was really lovely!


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Review #12, by Penelope Inkwell His Worst Mistake

6th July 2013:
Wow. So to begin with, youíre very good.

Very, very good. Your vocabulary and sentence structure are as top-notch as any Iíve seen here--really phenomenal.

To directly answer each of your questions: Yes, your characters are quite likeable. Lorcan is an adorable ball of quivering knees and deep-seated neuroses, and I like him very much. Lysander is funny, with his obsession with psychoanalyzing his twin brother. And, though I donít know the inner depths of Cassiopeiaís heart or anything, sheís very well drawn as the big, bad Gobstones monster. I thought there was plenty of dialogue. Usually I like when stories err towards more talking, and there was certainly more description than words in this chapter. However, your description is just so good (and, in many places, amusing) that I did not mind at all. I didnít even notice that there was less dialogue, initially, so in my mind that means itís very good the way it is.

First, thanks for making her a Gryffindor! Iím so sick of all the antagonists being Slytherins. I mean, I know thereís a certain amount of precedent for it, but it is nice to mix things up ever so often. Iím also glad to see a girl being the big, scary bully--itís much less common, and I love to see literary tropes subverted. I also LOVED your Ďrumorsí about Cassiopeia. I was laughing out loud. They were really cute and, also, hilarious!

Suggestions:

I had to dig a lot deeper here, because your writing is really incredible (just trying to drive that home. You are SO good!), but I did notice a couple little things:

-Consider re-establishing their age: I was reading closely, but I somehow initially missed what year they were in, as from what I can see it is only mentioned once, and kind of tucked away in this sentence: "As soon as he had been Sorted into the house of the loyal four years ago, he considered himself Lorcanís personal therapist.Ē Since age is kind of important to a non-romance (as it indicates their maturity level), it would help if you could mention what year they were in at least one other time.

-You say that Lysander developed his Freud fascination when he joined ďthe house of loyalĒ, and became a Hufflepuff. I was just wondering what loyalty/Hufflepuff-ism had to do with wanting to be a psychologist.

-Whatís the Deepwater Horizon fiasco? Is that explained later?

But those are the only things I found, and obviously I had to get pretty nitpicky. I canít get over how well you wield your words. Iím going to have to read more of your stuff, so that Iím exposing myself to more excellently structured reading.

Favorite quotes:

-"The faintest whiff of danger was enough to drive him into a swoon.† He wasnít the type to vanquish dragons and sweep damsels off their dainty feetónot that heíd want to, of course, since girls were creatures of madness and disorder.Ē

-ďSomeoneís got a fixation!† Someoneís got a fixation!Ē

-"But if Lorcan were to be very honest with himself (and he wasnít often honest, as it usually led to weakness of the knees and shortness of breath), the only injury he was still suffering from was (and Lysander would be proud of him for admitting it) a purely psychological complaint.Ē

And the whole bit about Cassiopeia being the shameful love child of Madame Maxime and Grawp, and threatening the Sorting Hat.

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi!!! Thank you so much for this wonderful review!! :)

Top-notch sentence structure?! Oh, really, you're too sweet! I'm so glad that you liked my characters and their crazy personalities. Cassiopeia was my personal attempt to create a bully who was a girl Gryffindor, just for the purpose of undermining the Slytherin norm. I'm so glad that you caught and appreciated that!!! :D

I totally agree with you that I need to reestablish the ages of the twins and Cassiopeia. It would definitely give them a more solid foundation as characters! Also, Lysander's love for psychology was derived from his love of helping people, and being Sorted into Hufflepuff made him turn a bit obnoxious about "helping people with their problems." I really need to illustrate that so that it's MUCH clearer--thanks for pointing that out!!

The Deepwater Horizon fiasco was an oil spill that occurred in the Gulf of Mexico. I threw that in just for my own laughs, and I didn't really think about my audience. (Bo, me!) I will need to decide whether or not to take that mention out. I am SO glad that you brought up your confusion--it never would have occurred to me that there was a problem otherwise!! :D

Awww, favorite quotes?! You're so wonderful! Thank you for taking time to pick out a few from the lot! And reading more of my work?! I would be honored if you would do that! You've made my entire day with this review. :)

Thanks so very much!!! :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #13, by Beeezie His Worst Mistake

3rd July 2013:
Here for the B v. B battle! :)

Okay, so all I needed to do was read the first paragraph to get hooked. I love the way you poke fun at a lot of the silliness that seems to pervade a lot of Hogwarts-based stories, especially next-gen ones. I thought that the hair extension charms was especially imaginative - I don't think I've ever run across those in a story before, although admittedly when I click on a story like this that's taking itself seriously I tend to hit the back button pretty quickly!

But that was the first paragraph or two. Once you get into the real plot of the story - the gobstones match - I enjoyed it even more. The way you wrote it is just so beautifully melodramatic, in a way that's witty at times and laugh-out-loud funny in others. The way you describe the match is perfect, and Lorcan's abject cowardice both then and throughout the rest of the chapter was perfect.

I did notice a couple little errors - in the fifth paragraph, the "he" in "He heard his friends whisper" shouldn't have been capitalised, because it's a dialogue tag. Ditto further down, in the paragraph starting, "The giggling continued as the twins began to climb the dungeon steps" - "the" in "The unfortunate Hufflepuff" shouldn't be capitalised, either. There also should have been a comma rather than a period after "his" in the paragraph starting "I want you" just before Cassiopeia pushes Lorcan down the stairs.

It also would have been nice if you hadn't immediately launched into Lorcan and Lysander's conversation immediately after the match - I wasn't sure where they were or who (if anyone) was around them, and not having any idea of the setting did jerk me out of the story for a short while. I know you elaborate later on, but I would have liked it better if you'd worked that into the first paragraph or two instead.

However, overall, I found both the story itself and your writing to be absolutely delightful. Other than the couple things I pointed out, your writing was impeccable, which made the melodrama and ridiculousness of the story even more enjoyable.

There were also a lot of little references scattered throughout the piece that I really loved - the idea of Maxime and Grawp having a child was priceless, and Rose being angry at a (pimply) Scorpius for cheating her out of chocolate frogs was equally so - and the way you talk about Lorcan's cowardice (and Lysander's obsession with psychology!) never failed to make me smile.

Overall, this was a great chapter, and I really enjoyed it. Amazing job!

Author's Response: Hi!!! Thank you so much for this wonderful review!!! :)

Oh, darn. I always read over my chapters several times for grammar mistakes, but somehow, I manage to miss the little ones every time!! Thanks so much for pointing those out!! I will definitely go back and fix them when I edit! I'm a big fan of perfection in writing--not a comma out of place, not a word misused--but I slip up too often for my liking. ;)

As for the abrupt change between the match and the twins' conversation... Yeah, I see where you're coming from! When I wrote it, I meant for it to be a bit sudden, a little bit how I would imagine Lorcan to feel coming out of his daze. But it is just a little bit jarring to have such a change take place while you're reading it--I totally understand. So I'll see what I can do to smooth it out. :D

I'm with you on the "back" button when I find those certain stories... Sometimes, the girly-girl stuff is laid on a little too thick for my liking in fanfiction, and this challenge was a perfect place for me to make a friendly jest about it. Hair extension charms--do they exist? I have no idea, but they fit in with the sort of category that I was poking fun at. :)

I'm so glad that you liked my style!! This story is really different from the things that I usually read and write, so at times it was a bit of a stretch. The little rumors that I threw in amused me quite a lot, just because they were so ridiculous. I'm very pleased that you thought they were interesting, too. :)

Thank you so very much for your constructive criticism and lovely comments!!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #14, by Lululuna His Worst Mistake

1st July 2013:
Hi! :) I'm finally here for your requested review and I'm so sorry about the wait, RL has been so hectic. But I'm here now! :)

I really enjoyed this story, and I think you have a great balance of humour, witty symbolism and entertaining characters. First of all, I like the no-romance challenge idea and how you're playing up the whole love-hate competetive relationship, yet turning the usual signs of forbidden love into poor terror. There's some really hilarious descriptions, like the girl's foul breath, and the Rose and Scorpius reference, which I loved. I thought you could even play up the no-romance aspect in the first section (the original Gobstones game) a little more, since it's so prominent and ironic in the following sections. :)

The bits about Freud and psychology are wonderful as well, and I like how while Lysander seems to be the sole believer in romance in the school, this is mostly founded on science and theories. With this story, the more you lay the ridiculousness on, the better, I think, and the last line of the story just summed it up perfectly. You might think about including a line about Lysander's obsession with psychology in the first section, just to tie it in even more thoroughly, even if it's just a passing sentence or thought of Lorcan's.

As for characterization, I really enjoyed all of the details and clear personalities. The contrast between Lorcan and Lysander is great, and I feel like I have a really distinct understanding of their individual personalities: Lorcan is the quiet, more self-conscious one who takes out his annoyance and anger only around his brother, and his excessive fear and fainting is quite funny. Lysander just doesn't care what people think and is going to tell them what he thinks regardless. It's great! Cassiopeia (that's a mouthful!) is hilarious as well, and one of the most terrifying females I have ever read about. I wonder if Lorcan and Cassie will be able to overcome the imposed fear of romance and find love from their disgust and hate somewhere down the line? :P

I thought the story flowed very well and logically, and was just the right length. There was a strong mixture of action and description, and the each bit of dialogue fit well and enhanced the effect of the story. The writing felt very natural, and was a pleasure to read! :)

I think this is such a wonderful beginning and I can't wait to read more! Feel free to re-request and I'll try my best to be a bit more prompt. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! :)

I'm so glad that you liked my over-the-top approach to this topic. I thought that adding in a jab at Scorose couldn't hurt, even though I secretly like the pairing a lot. :) The thing about this piece is that I look back at it and see so many places where I should emphasize certain points so much more, and that'll just have to happen when I edit it in the future! :D

Lysander is such a ridiculous character. The truth is, I didn't even plan on him liking psychology when I started writing--during that time, I had been studying for my psychology final and Lysander became a bit of an outlet for all of the crazy terms. I could definitely stand to tie it all together a little better for consistency's sake!

Lysander and Lorcan are such opposites. I'm surprised that I wrote them that way, because sometimes I feel like my characters all turn out the same. However, I'm very pleased with the way their relationship turned out. Cassiopeia and Lorcan are enemies for life, I'm afraid. This is a No Romance story, so the perceived "feelings" are just a lot of tricky signs and signals that add up to nothing. Sometimes, hate is just hate, and that's exactly what I wanted it to be for this one. :)

I'm so glad that you liked it, and I'll be re-requesting soon, definitely! :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #15, by magnolia_magic His Worst Mistake

23rd June 2013:
Hi! magnolia_magic here with your requested review! I'm so glad you asked me to review this. I'm studying psychology right now, so it cracked me up to see all the terms you used. (And I'm not such a fan of Freud, so it was fun to hear Lorcan gripe about him :P) I had fun reading this!

I love that this story doesn't take itself too seriously, like you say in your author's note. You did play up the non-romance, but you did it in a funny way, which I think was a good move. It's kind of like a crazy alternate universe :) At the moment it does kind of look like the start of a romantic comedy, though, but that may just be because I primarily read romance stories, lol. We'll see how things develop from here!

I like the way you make the most mundane of events--like a Gobstones game--seem like life-or-death situations. That's where a lot of your humor comes from in this, and I really enjoyed it :) The exaggerated description of Cassiopeia is great too; you make her seem like a fearsome monster, and I think it's funny that Lorcan thinks of her that way.

I thought your description/dialogue balance was spot on, and I never felt any distracting breaks in flow. So you're doing fine there. As for the question of whether your characters are likeable, that's a definite yes! I had laugh-out-loud moments when Lysander talked Freud (reaction formation :D), and I look forward to seeing how Lorcan and Cassiopeia resolve their tension over the rematch.

As to whether they're believable or not, I'd say that depends on what your goal is for this story. It seems to me like you want to write something that's silly, light reading, and that might get us to look at an overdone genre in a different way. I think you're accomplishing that with your cast; they're all great comedic characters! But if you decide you want to go beyond humor, you might flesh them out a little more. It just depends on the direction you want to go :)

I loved reading this! Thanks for the request, and feel free to PM me if you want to talk further. Great job!

--Maggie

P.S. I just noticed your chapter summary! Is the "blot of ink" a play on the Rorschach test? Love the subliminal messaging...very Freudian ;)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'm sorry it took me a while to respond. :)

I'm so glad that you were able to appreciate all of the psychology references that I threw in. I wrote this first chapter at a time when I was reviewing like mad for a Psych final, and it kind of became a vent for all things psychological. :)

This first chapter does seem kind of romantic, as do some of the situations in the other chapters, but what I was going for was an anti-romance: It looks like romance, it feels like romance, but uh oh--It isn't! I hope that it didn't seem TOO romantic, though, because I wouldn't wish Cassiopeia upon anyone as a girlfriend--not even Lorcan. :)

Thank you for spotting all of the hyperbolic situations! That was one thing that took me a while to get right, so I'm glad that it came across as such.

I guess that asking if the characters were believable wasn't really a good question for this kind of story. It's meant to be a short story that accomplishes its mission in three chapters, so humor and satirizing romances are my main goals. I'm glad you think that the characters are comedic! :)

The blot of ink thing... Oh my goodness!! I didn't even realize this until you mentioned it!! Psychology has taken over my brain, augh!! Thanks for pointing it out. I think that's pretty interesting, because I didn't even mean to do it. :D

Thanks so much for all of your lovely comments!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #16, by Cossettely His Worst Mistake

17th June 2013:
Let me start off by saying that I greatly enjoyed this chapter, as I usually do with your stories. You have a unique way of approaching topics, which provides a freshness to your writing.


Lorcan is a truly hilarious character, in my opinion. He reminds me a lot of Leo Bloom from The Producers (if you've ever seen it), and makes me giggle the whole time. His twin is his perfect foil character, and Cassiopeia provides a wonderfully hilarious nemesis.


My only caution with this story is to be wary of cliche type characters. Choosing cliche characters purposefully can move the story along and add to the humor element, but it is difficult to balance cliche with non-cliche. Be careful that you do not rely too much on stereotypes with these characters so that they do not begin to sound repetitive by the end of the story (I have no doubt, however, that you will throw in a twist in their personalities sometime soon).


Grammar, syntax, and style are all spot on. Be careful throwing in a plethora of psychology terminology really close together without explaining some of the more tricky terms; someone with no background in the subject might get a tad bit confused, I think.

Keep writing and I will look forward to reading your next chapters!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!! I'm sorry that it's taken me such a long time to respond to it! :)

Lorcan is actually my favorite character to write. He's very persnickety, and I like imagining what he does in certain situations. I've never seen The Producers, but I'm definitely going to have to watch it sometime!

The first chapter is always kind of tough, because it's really easy for my characters to sound cliché. However, I think (hope!) that in the second and third chapters, they kind of break their molds, or at least crack them a little bit! Stereotypes are definitely difficult to overcome, and I can only hope that my characters overcame them by the end.

Yeah... I really love psych terms, so there was a point when writing this chapter that I just slapped them on pretty thickly. I need to go back and add a few words of description around them. :)

Thanks so much!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #17, by BellaFan202 His Worst Mistake

17th June 2013:
Hi! I'm so sorry for the long wait! D:

That was, I must say, pretty interesting. Also kind of confusing, but mostly interesting. What year were the twins supposed to be in? Also, why is no one in the school interested in the opposite sex? That's a little bit weird, considering the whole school is composed of teenagers with raging hormones, but maybe there's something in the water, I don't know. :P

The way this is set up, it seems like Lorcan is going to end up seducing Cassiopeia and they're going to end up falling in love and living happily ever after, which doesn't seem like it goes with the No Romance thing, so maybe I'm wrong. But that's just what it seems like right now.

The whole chapter seemed to flow really well. You went quickly from one event to the next, without leaving out too many details or skipping out on dialogue, which is good. I always find that difficult to do, so kudos to you. :)

The characters are pretty likable, although Lorcan seems really cynical and Lysander seems like his head is way up in the clouds, but that's okay because twins don't have to be exactly the same. :P

That's really about all I've got to say at the moment, but I hope you found this helpful and I hope you'll request the next chapter! :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hi! I'm sorry that it took me so long to respond to this!

Thank you so much for reviewing my story! I'm glad you found it interesting, but I think there are some things that I should explain to you, since you are the first one to ask these questions!! :)

When I wrote the twins, I envisioned them to be upperclassmen--5th year or above--but I didn't make it specific because it was something that didn't really figure too much into the plot. I probably could add something in there about their age so that confusion is cleared up.

The whole "not being interested in the opposite sex" thing is kind of Freudian--basically, Hogwarts has gone back to when girls and boys avoided each other because of "cooties." Of course, I probably could make that a little clearer as well. It's totally satirical--I know that things like this would NEVER happen in a normal Hogwarts. :P

The whole seduction vibe that you're sensing is completely on purpose--good on you for picking up on it! I wanted to make things seem very tense and almost on the verge of romance, and then swipe the rug from underneath all of that, so to speak. In the following chapters, there is a complete about-face in characters' behaviors, and even though Lorcan learns to be a bit seductive, it's all a ploy to get Cassiopeia to lose.

Thank you so much for your compliments and for making me think of logical answers to your questions!! :)

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #18, by academica An Abundance of Darlenes

15th June 2013:
Hi again! Back for Team Blue & the Review Battle!

Okay, this chapter really cracked me up. I love your writing style! It's so over-the-top and dramatic, and it reminds me a lot of Scott Pilgrim in the way everything is played up. I hate to admit this, but Lucy isn't totally off with her methods. Exposure therapy can be very hard! Thankfully, she seemed to have the sort of personality to be able to handle it pretty well :) I also really liked the way you seamlessly incorporated magical elements into traditional therapy techniques; for instance, using a Boggart seems like a great initial step before transitioning to real, actual exposure in treating someone's fear.

I love this line:

Of course, it was all a pack of lies, which is why it got such high network ratings, and why middle-aged single women loved it so much.

I'm really intrigued to see how Lorcan's next encounter with Cassiopeia will go--assuming he doesn't knock his brother out and end things here :)

Great work!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!! I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to respond! :)

I'm so glad that you thought this chapter was funny. I'm not quite sure that humor is my strongest suit, but I tried to make this chapter as ridiculous and overblown as possible. I've never actually heard of Scott Pilgrim, but I've recently been watching a lot of the show Fawlty Towers, which is a very satirical, ridiculous series. I guess I took some of the style from that. :)

Lorcan won't knock Lysander out, but he's got a lot coming up in the next and final chapter. :D

Thanks for your review!!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #19, by academica His Worst Mistake

10th June 2013:
Hi, here for Team Blue for the Review Battle :)

Being a graduate student in clinical psychology, I have a decent grasp of Freudian psychoanalysis, and so this story really made me laugh. It was kind of like a game of Mad Libs where the terms were all from The Interpretation of Dreams! Anyway, Lysander was quite wacky and I'm already intrigued to see what his master psychology-inspired plan will shape up to be. Poor Lorcan. Anyway, you've clearly done your research and I'm impressed by the accuracy and frequency of your terms.

The interactions between Cassiopeia and Lorcan are really entertaining, too. I like how you shifted between grandiose actions and the minute details of their game; it really heightened the suspense. It'll be interesting to see him try to charm her.

Great start!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!!

I'm glad you could understand the terms that Lysander threw out. I recently finished a psychology class, and Freud was a big part of it. My teacher even had a poster of him on the wall!! Lysander is a complete wack-a-doodle, and his plan might end up being a good idea--maybe...

Thanks again for your review!! :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #20, by -BookDinosaur- An Abundance of Darlenes

5th June 2013:
Here for Team Blue in the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

I enjoyed the build up to revealing Lucy, as I thought that Lysander was pushing Lorcan in with Cassiopeia, and also, the boggarts-I thought that it would be Cass as well. I seem to be seeing Cass everywhere. :)

I loved how Lucy was so scary and 'evil'-in most stories I've read, she's the sweet younger sister, so it was a nice change to see her portrayed like this. Also, I found all the use of italics while she was putting psychoanalysts down really funny, I was laughing out loud at that point.

I also loved reading more Lysander at the end-I love him, I think he's my favourite character because he's just so cheerful and positive and irrepressible, I find myself laughing out loud at him.

Anyway, a really good chapter that left me wanting more.

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing the second chapter! :)

I seem to have confused a few people with the introduction of Lucy instead of Cassiopeia. I didn't even mean to do that, but I'm glad it makes for a nice build-up. I think that my greatest hope for this story is now to get people seeing Cassiopeia, and then to confuse them when it's not. I'm glad it worked for you. :)

For this story, I really wanted a different character, done in a different manner, and I settled upon Lucy for some reason. I pumped her blood with sarcasm and made her a hopeless cynic. She was really fun to write.

I'm glad that you like Lysander. He reminds me of a cuddly bunny rabbit! :D

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #21, by patronus_charm An Abundance of Darlenes

4th June 2013:
Hello there, calling in from Team Blue :)

I really liked the build-up to Lucy stepping out as I thought it was going to Cassiopeia so I was surprised to see her. I really liked the idea of her being an evil Slytherin as Iíve never seen that done before so it was really cool and unique thing to do.

I adored this line Ďthat bumbling Freudianí and the whole idea that Lucy was going to give him psychological help as I never saw that coming. Then the idea that Lucy was of a different sect to the others and the way she just put down psychoanalyst was brilliant and had me cracking up. Even though itís so unexpected to see people knowing Freudís work in Harry Potter it somehow works and it was really great.

Then the idea of having a boggart was great and the Darleneís were really scared. I know that you clarified the reason for them being there later on, but I was a little confused at the beginning as I didnít expect to see them and they kind of popped up so perhaps if you included at the beginning as well as after the attack it would be really great.

The idea of the Life and Times of Harry Potter was brilliant especially because Rita wrote it, it sounded just like something she would do. I really liked Lysanderís reaction to see his brother as I donít tend to find sibling affection much in fan fiction so this was a nice surprise, even if Lorcan didnít appreciate it.

I do have a CC. Here you said Ďagainst the (dirty, slimy) wall.í But by putting dirty, slimy into brackets it sort of detracted from the flow so it might be better to remove the brackets.

Anyhow that was a really good chapter and it will be interesting to see where the story goes next :)

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi again!!

Yes, surprise! I thought that it would be fun to have a Weasley Slytherin, and because Lucy is so unexpected, I figured that she would be the perfect choice. In my psych class, we kind of learned that behaviorists were kind of the backwards people of psychology because they don't really believe in the power of cognition. So to me, it kind of fits in with the whole pureblood supremacy thing. There's a war in psychology just as much as there was a war in the Wizarding World, and it's fun to try to parallel them. :)

Sorry for confusing you with the boggarts! It was meant to be a little confusing, but I can definitely go back and edit that for clarity, certainly! I'll also change that (dirty slimy) thing, because, now that you mention it, it really doesn't flow well to have those words in parentheses.

I think that I'm going to write a story about The Life and Times of Harry Potter, just because it would be fun to explore. I'm glad you liked Lysander's love for Lorcan, though it isn't very much appreciated. :D

Thanks again for your review!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #22, by -BokDinosaur- His Worst Mistake

3rd June 2013:
Hey, I'm here for the Ravenclaw review tag. (Go Team Blue!)

I really enjoyed reading this story, I think you've got the characterisation of Lorcan, Lysander and Cass (I'm too lazy to type her full name :P) done really well. I love Cass' portrayal as the bully and Lorcan's painting as a scared guy. And I loved Lysie, his dottiness and psychology-obsession was so funny to read about. I'd say he's my favourite character so far. :)

All your descriptions are really good, there isn't too much, but there's enough to give me a clear picture of what's going on, so kudos to you there.

The pacing of the story was really good, I found that it was light and easy to read, and reached the bottom of the page in no time at all.

I love how you intergrated all the psychology into the plot, it seems very believable and realistic.

All in all, a really good start to your story.

Author's Response: Hi!! Thanks for reviewing my story! :D

It's totally cool that you abbreviate Cassiopeia's name. It's a bit long to type, I know! :) The characters are all quite dotty, I think, but I really loved making them all their own separate entities. I'm very glad that you laughed at "Lysie," and that you've given him a pet name!

Thanks, thanks, thanks for all of your wonderful compliments!!! :)

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #23, by WitnesstoitAll His Worst Mistake

2nd June 2013:
Hear for the Blue and Bronze review battle (team blue!!)

This is such a unique premise!! I'm so glad I decided to read it. It was a truly enjoyable chapter. I love the atmosphere you've created -- the separation of the genders, the overhanging Freudian context, the short quippy sort of language that you narrate with. It's all fabulous. And I love the characters as you've begun to develop them. Lysander was probably my favorite -- he's so endearing, but I almost always have a soft spot for puffs. :P

This is a very promising beginning and I look forward to reading chapter two!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!!

This story was written for the No Romance challenge, so I decided to go a bit weird on it and give the main characters some Freudian overtones. (I blame psychology class!!) I'm glad you liked Lysander--he's quite a silly one, and very fun to write.

Thanks again for your review!! :)

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #24, by patronus_charm His Worst Mistake

2nd June 2013:
Hello there Iím here from the Ravenclaw Review Tag :D You included Sigmund Freud? *tries to calm self* I may like psychology a little too much and may have read some of his workÖ I feel so stupid not connecting the title with the subjects :P

I really liked the introduction of Cassiopeia and I thought it was really glad. For starters Ravenclaw won which was awesome and secondly she seemed to be a really awesome character. Iím one of those weird people who always prefer the mean guys to the nice ones so of course I really liked this whole persona you built up around her.

You went into a good detail with the description both physical and emotional description which was something nice to see as it isnít always done so it was a pleasant surprise to see it here. Another thing I really liked was how you stuck to the attributes of each house and it made me laugh seeing the Hufflepuffs brows furrowing and now Iím going to go to sleep with images of that.

The psychology was merged in really well and added to the story a lot. As I said before I know a bit about Freudís work so it was alright, however most people probably donít, so I would perhaps suggest including an explanation about what each means in your author note so people got the whole meaning. Itís only a suggestion though :)

The side mention of Rose and Scorpius was brilliant and it made me crack up seeing my OTP act in that way. One tiny suggestion you might want to consider is perhaps create more tension towards him and Cassiopeia for even greater comedic effect. Just do the romantic clichťs really but make them both oblivious to it and it will be gold!

That was a really great start to your story and yay for Freud!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!! :)

Yes, I love me some Siggy myself. We talked about him a lot in Psych this year, and his work definitely plays some of a part in this story. (Just a little, though. Hahaha...)

It's quite interesting to know that you prefer villains to heroes, but it's really cool. I'm glad that you liked Cassiopeia, and yes, yay Ravenclaw!

I'm glad that you thought my description was good. Sometimes I worry that I don't put enough into it, but hopefully that's not the case with this story. It's nice to hear that you were amused by Lysander--he's a bit of a character, I'd like to think. :)

I probably should explain myself, what with all of the psychology that I'm throwing out there, but I'll have to save that for a time when I edit. Thanks for the heads up!

Scorose is an interesting phenomenon, especially as seen (or NOT seen) in the brief mention that I threw in. I'm glad that I cracked you up with their interaction. :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #25, by HarrietHopkirk His Worst Mistake

2nd June 2013:
Yay! I love the idea of a fic about Gobstones! This is great stuff and it has great promise! I also love fics written about the Scamander boys and so I really enjoyed this.

First off, I think how you went about setting up the chapter and the opening scenes was brilliant - the contrast between the sunny outside world and then the dark, tense game of Gobstones. Really good. I also liked how you introduced Cassiopeia Prestwich - but I think you could have done more to build the suspense of Lorcan's opponent, if she as feared as you say she is, with maybe some sort of final reveal? Maybe try to describe what she looks like, her personality before revealing her name right at the end of that opening section? I don't know, but I like her character already!

And boy, is she crazy? First threatening Lorcan, then pushing him down the stairs? The chapter started off quite light-hearted compared to this! Ahaha, and I love Lysander too! Overall, a great opening chapter - well done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!

I'm very glad you like the idea of Gobstones and the Scamanders, because when I was trying to decide what I should write about, I thought it would just be so cool to have the twins kind of get on each other's nerves. What resulted was a whole lot of psychology and a really strange sibling relationship. After all, they ARE Luna's children! :)

I'm also very glad that you liked the way I set this up. I really struggled a lot with how to begin, and several times I ended up reverting back to the original, which is what ended up being posted. :p

As far as the reveal of Cassiopeia goes, I do agree that I could probably draw it out a bit more, to make it more suspenseful and over-the-top. I shall definitely edit this after I've posted the third and final chapter!

And yes, she is crazy. They ALL are crazy, in their own little ways. :)

Thank you so much for your comments and suggestions!!

~UnluckyStar57


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