Reading Reviews for Force a Smile
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PhoenixTailAndHolly Mistakes

24th May 2013:
Another chapter with slightly improved grammar and spelling. The dialogue is getting a bit forced, with so many curses and screaming.

As of now, the chapters are mostly like soap opera's. Each chapter is an entity on it's own, each linked to the other with a minor cliffhanger. Try adding in a few smaller storylines; small secondary themes that play out in the background of Ron/Hermione main storyline. The Harry/Ginny relationship is a good example of this, and it makes the story a bit more interesting. You might be able to mix in a few more of these.

I hope you continue the story. I like it.

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Review #2, by PhoenixTailAndHolly Limbo

24th May 2013:
This chapter was better. Nice, flowing dialogue and a clear purpose. You still seem to omit a few words here and there. Am I correct in assuming you typed this out on hpff and submitted it without re-reading? An example:


Ya know I just say you do it George said, Ron looked at him as if he had four heads.

George's quote feel like it was penned out just as one might pronounce it. The correct sentence would be:

"You know, I'd just say: do it!"

This way, your readers won't have to decipher his comment in order to understand what you meant by it.

Please note that this is meant as constructive feedback. I'm not trying to make you feel bad; just trying to help you out a bit.

Rated 7/10

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