Reading Reviews for A Pot of Lilies
  
43 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dracodarlingxx Chapter 10.

16th June 2014:
grrreat chapter :D
loving the lily and james action in the meeting, and to be honest you're getting the jily development so right :D
so sad you won't be updating soon, but i'll be looking forward to next month then :D :D

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Review #2, by dracodarlingxx Chapter 9.

27th May 2014:
hey :)
cool chapter x loving the sirius/marlene with beautiful blond bertram ;)
and
aw lily's getting along with james :D :D too cute :)

p.s. i'm thinking of writing my own fanfic, but not jily (jiy's my fav pairing, i couldn't do it credit), new gen. any tips? xx

Author's Response: Hi there, sorry for the late reply!

Ahaha they'll be plenty more of that trio to come in later chapters, don't you worry ;)

Glad to see you've picked up on that! Hopefully the pacing of Jily isn't going too fast, I'm really trying hard to get it right!

Um wow I'm honestly flattered you think I'm doing Jily justice, THANK YOU! *cue happy dance*

In terms of writing, I haven't done any next-gen so I don't think I can really comment on that particular genre. In general though, it might be an idea of the types of relationships you want characters to have between each other - I find it helps with plot progression. Hope that helps :)

Seeing your review made my day, so thanks very much for taking the time to comment! I'm glad to hear you're loving the story, thanks again for the encouragement :D Next chapter should be up soon!


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Review #3, by MadiMalfoy Chapter 2.

21st May 2014:
Hi there! Apologies for the ridiculously long time you had to wait, graduation and end of the year things really caught up to me! Anywho, here's your long awaited review! :)

I loved the very chronological order of events in this chapter--a lot of writers like to skip around and that can get confusing, but this is very nice and orderly! You've really developed Lily and Petunia's relationship and shown how much of a rift had opened between them since Lily's acceptance into Hogwarts.

And Lily's relationship with James! Oh man that did give me quite a few laughs! His incessant asking her out and sexual innuendos are spot on with characterization! Loved the scenes they had together. Just a great chapter that'll set up for quite a few awesome things! :)

Feel free to re-request at your convenience. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi there! Not a problem, thanks for getting around to the review, means a lot :)

YAY THANK YOU! I've been trying hard to get characterisation right and I'm glad you think I'm doing a good job! It's so nice to hear :)

Yep, will definitely do! Thanks again for the feedback, it really helps! :)


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Review #4, by TidalDragon Chapter 2.

18th April 2014:
Hello again! I'm a sucker for James/Lily fics, so I had to keep reading.

You've taken an interesting approach here. I like the sharp contrast from the end of your first chapter/prologue to the beginning of this one. Petunia has certainly developed into the viciously bitter sister we all know so well and you did a good job portraying not just her dialogue, but also her attitude and actions along with it. I always try to comment positively when I notice that because I think it's so crucial and so often missed or done inconsistently.

I am very intrigued by the "two Potters" that seemed to appear in this chapter. To all the world in the beginning and certainly in the meeting, he seemed like his same old self, but once he and Lily were alone it was night and day. This dichotomy is a great hook in my opinion because it leaves me wondering which if any of my theories on the situation is correct. Did something happen over the summer that changed James's behavior toward Lily? Did it involve Dumbledore somehow? His parents? Or is James just deliberately changing tactics to make Lily think about him as part of his bid to get her on a date? Did he cook up the Halloween Ball on his own? You've got my gears spinning which is always a good thing!

I did notice a minor typo in the sentence where Lily asks the prefects if they have the passwords. It currently reads "you're your" where I think it's supposed to say "from your" but that's the only thing that jumped out.

Well done so far. As it's James/Lily and I'm enjoying it, you're officially on my reading list!

Author's Response: Wow that's such a compliment thank you! I'm happy to see you like how I've developed Petunia :)

As you can imagine, I'm not going to answer any of your questions in fear of spoiling the rest of the story :P Nice to know I've got your head spinning (in hopefully a good way)!

Oh thanks for that! I've been meaning to re-edit this story for ages so when I have the time, I'll go back and do so :) At the moment, I'm a tad more pre-occupied with churning out chapters :P

Thanks again for the kind reviews TidalDragon, you're awesome! I look forward to checking out some of your work too :)


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Review #5, by TidalDragon Chapter 1.

18th April 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by from the review thread in the CR!

Well, that was a heck of a start. I'm interested to see what the explanation is in the future because I feel bad for both Lily and James at the moment. I'm just not sure who I should feel worse for (though I'm pretty sure it's Lily if it's what I think).

I thought the descriptions you used in the second section of the chapter were excellent though. You not only put me in the Evans' garden, but also gave extra dimension to the division between Petunia and Lily. While they are still very close in the flashback you describe I can see based on the "divided opinions" you describe how ultimately Lily being a witch could prove to be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

In terms of the characterizations in that flashback though I thought they were strong. You really did a good job with older sister-younger sister dynamic and it was nice to see an earlier bit of Petunia before things went sour between she and Lily.

I'm going to go ahead and check out the next chapter and review as well! Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Hey there!

First of all, thanks for the two long detailed reviews! Just seeing them made my day :)

Without spoiling the rest of the story, I'm not going to mention anything about Lily and James. It's nice to see you like it though!

Awww I'm glad you liked the flashback bit! I actually really enjoyed writing the characterisation in that part, I'm happy it came across in my writing :)

Thanks very much for the encouragement and for the lovely reviews!


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Review #6, by LIzziebeth Chapter 7.

30th March 2014:
This is amazing! I love this story!

Author's Response: Aw a new reviewer! Thanks LIzziebeth, glad to hear you're loving the story! I really enjoy writing it :D

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Review #7, by Court Chapter 7.

29th March 2014:
I'm glad to see you're back. It's good that Lily is starting to realize she needs to rethink her opinion and treatment of James and I hope they are able to start getting friendlier and closer from this point on. I was really disappointed that only purebloods could go to the funeral and hope they can start initiating more change. can't wait for more.

Author's Response: Firstly, reading your review made me so happy, thank you Court! :D Yes Lily is beginning to rethink her opinion of James, I'm glad you've picked up on it! I was also sad about that the funerals too but I think it was necessary. I'm in the process of writing the next chapter so hopefully I'll have it done soon! Thanks again for reviewing, you're an absolute gem :D

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Review #8, by MissesWeasley123 Chapter 2.

29th August 2013:
Hello again Tara!

Ah, I was really hoping this would continue after the last chapter! No! Oh well, I guess I'll have to wait to find out who she was snogging!

The beginning made me laugh! It seemed so "Petunia"ish I must say, you do a wonderful job on her character. I loved the little remarks about Vernon, they were hilarious.

James! Priceless!
"Why don't you shut it for me?" Oh god. That was classic James! I loved it, it made me feel all warm and stuff :P

Her reaction to him being appointed was very correct as well.

Sorry for the short review, but since I'm reading out of pleasure and not forum stuff, it's kinda short ;) I loved it though and will be back for more!

Author's Response: Hello again Nadia!

Haha yes, I guess you will have to wait and see who she was snogging, sorry to leave you in suspense :P

Thanks for all the encouragement, it's such a delight to read! Thanks again for the lovely review :) I shall be back with more of the story soon!


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Review #9, by Ms. 07 Chapter 6.

28th August 2013:
Loved all these chapters and eagerly waiting for further chapters with lily's realization and James and her love story along with the constant mischief of the marauders

Author's Response: Sorry about the delay, the next chapter is in the queue! Glad to here I've got another fan of the story, thanks for the encouragement :)

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Review #10, by MissesWeasley123 Chapter 1.

16th August 2013:
Hey, it's Nadia for the August review exchange!

Well Prologue, let me just say, you've done your job in captivating me...

Okay :) This story was so different, because it began with an argument. I mean, who doesn't love that? But what made it different was the fact that instead of the overly done "girl catches boy snogging another girl" you turned the tables and did "boy catches girl snogging another boy". Good job on creativity!

James and Lily'a argument was so perfectly planned. It made me want to know more. It made me want to find out who he'd caught her snogging, and whether Lily's saying the truth or not. Again, very few authors have the talent to be able to really hook the reader into the story.

I liked the dilemma James was facing. I could feel his struggle to stay in control and remember that he'd just seen Lily kiss someone that wasn't him. I liked the way you described it. "His heart thumped uncontrollably out of his chest, an aching reminder of the past hour or so." I really liked that part. I felt his ache and it made me ache too. Y'know, that feeling you get when you read something like that - my knees were wobbling. I think that entire paragraph in fact was well written. To reiterate what I said before, I could really feel his dilemma.

Jumping back to the beginning of the chapter - his sarcasm. Well written. Perfect actually.

You made Lily's character seem so real. She was so broken and couldn't believe it was happening. "James, I already lost Petunia, please don't let me lose you." *dies right there* That sentence gave a sense of mystery, causing questions to erupt. We always knew Petunia was jealous, but never really got to see the turn happen.

The next section of the chapter was quite descriptive! I like the characterization you gave Petunia. You explained how she looked, and acted without the flow and continuity of the story being broken. I find that hard to do as an author (thus my lack of description sometimes) so I admire that skill of yours! :)

"It was the first time she had ever been rejected by someone she loved." Again, perfectly timed. As a reader it got me thinking. So, was James the second time? Or was Snape the second time? So many questions... but the best stories make us think.

The ending! Poor Lily, she would never know that her sister would be right in the future. Lily WOULD be remembered.

Mind if I offer you some CC?
You said that Lily "sunk" onto the coffee table. It should be "sank". I literally had to comb through this a couple of times to pick that up :P Otherwise, I applaud your grammar and spelling skills!

All in all, a very well written and engrossing first chapter! I hope to continue reading this, and you'll most likely see me in your review sections frequently!

Cheers!
Nadia :)

Author's Response: Hi there Nadia :) First of all - thank you for the long lengthy review! It was such a lovely surprise to see :)

Haha aw thank you! I think that's what I was having the most trouble with regarding this chapter - hoping that James and Lily's fight would be completely different to most fanfics and yet engrossing at the same time. Thanks for letting me know I've done okay in those respects :)

I really appreciate you saying that the characters seemed very real - I was hoping that might be the case! You've picked up on a key element in the story - that Lily couldn't believe what was happening - so kudos to you :)

Aw thanks for the comments about the description! I try to work description into my stories just so readers (much like yourself) can picture the story better in their heads :)

I'm not going to answer any of your questions regarding the quote: "It was the first time she had ever been rejected by someone she loved." As you might be able to understand - it could be a potential spoiler alert :P

Haha yay you picked up on the foreshadowing! Well done :)

Never be sorry for CC- it only helps us to improve as writers :) Oh fair enough! I'll go and change it when I update the story next - thanks for letting me know :)

Aw you're too sweet! Thanks Nadia for the absolutely lovely review! It made my day :D


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Review #11, by Amisha Kapur Chapter 4.

6th August 2013:
This is a really good story and you are an amazing writer! I really like how you portrayed all the characters. They all seem to fit very nicely. Please update alot more! Thanks and I hoped this helped a little :)
Good Luck

Author's Response: Haha aw thank you for all the words of encouragement Amisha! They made my day :D

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Review #12, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing Chapter 1.

5th August 2013:
Hi Tara!

Okay - Lily and James? I can't pass up the chance to read this at all!

You really threw us into the thick of the action there! Immediately I'm wondering fully what has happened - clearly Lily has cheated on James so I'm presuming we're meeting them once they're already together but having Lily kiss somebody else is very different to any Lily I've read before and so you've really grabbed my attention!

The dialogue was very well dealt with. You got a lot of emotion through those few exchanges. I could really feel James' unwillingness to let go of the relationship but he realises this is what he needs to do for best. You really really have my interest!

Your attention to detail and descriptions were lovely to read when we moved into the Evan's household. I really got a good picture of the place in my head so well done! I also loved the idea that Petunia was a clerk for Grunnings - I'm guessing it's how she'll meet Vernon!

The little scene between Lily and Petunia was really sweet. It's so easy to hate Petunia with how she acts in the book but much harder I think to make a reader actually like her. You managed to get over how much she cares for Lily and some excitement about starting at her new school. It was very nicely done.

One small Briticism I have for you is that we don't call it High School - it's either Secondary School or Comprehensive school. Not major but I thought I'd point it out. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar so well done on amazing editing!

This chapter was a really good start to your story. I'm definitely left wanting to read more and I look forward to checking out your next chapter!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi Lauren!

Ah I was hoping that would happen - the grabbing attention bit! Wow, I'm flattered by your comments about my story being really different, it really means a lot to hear that, so thank you :D

I was hoping to get a lot of emotion through the dialogues, so I'm glad it's come across :)

Yay I got imagery right! *happy dance* And perhaps they will end up meeting there, you'll have to read to find out :P

Yes I agree her - considering her antagonistic behaviour towards Harry in the books, it is quite understandable why most readers are pre-disposed to hate her. I really loved hearing that - thank you! I've always thought Petunia and Lily would have had a good relationship before Lily went to Hogwarts, so I thought I'd try and convey it in this part of the story. I'm happy you liked it :)

Oh thanks for the CC - I didn't know you Brits didn't call it High School! I'll go back and change it when I resubmit the chapter :D

Thanks for such a lengthy review and all the lovely comments Lauren! They were a joy to read :D

Tara :)


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Review #13, by MadiMalfoy Chapter 1.

4th August 2013:
Hiya! MadiMalfoy here with your review as requested! :)

You know, I haven't really spent a lot of time reading James/Lily pieces, but I've gotten requests to review a lot and they're really starting to grow on me, and you don't disappoint! This is definitely a different take on the parents of the savior of the Wizarding world than the usual, canonical way, but I like it! You start it off with a bang to get us hooked, then get into the nitty-gritty details of Lily's younger years.

Such a great cliffhanger too! Obviously everyone knows how and why she's remembered, but the fact you have Petunia saying it is just brilliant! I think you've got their characterizations down pat, Petunia's especially. I can already tell you're going to change up Lily and James's a little bit, so I'm curious to see where that goes.

All in all, a fantastic start to what I'm sure will be a great novel! Please feel free to re-request! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hey there MadiMalfoy! It's lovely to see you back :)

Wow, I didn't disappoint? Thank you! Thank you! That made me feel so happy :)

Yay! *happy dance* I was trying really hard to remain in character, so I'm glad everyone acts the way you expect them to! It shows that I'm doing at least something right :)

Thanks for all the kind comments MadiMalfoy, will definitely re-request! :D
~ Tara x



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Review #14, by Harry and Ginny Chapter 5.

28th July 2013:
the last part of this chapter was very funny with James surprising Lily in a way that they fell in the water... and Peter asking what was happening was very funny! can't wait to read more!^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Eeeekkk another review from you! Thank you thank you Harry and Ginny, you made my day :D

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Review #15, by MMSBfan Chapter 4.

22nd July 2013:
Great story. I love Marlene! Update please.

Author's Response: I'm glad you like Marlene! Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon - I've already submitted it into the queue for validation! Thanks for the review :)

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Review #16, by randomwriter Chapter 4.

16th July 2013:
Gah. First of all, let me apologize because my previous review got cut off for some reason. The last bit was about how I completely fell in love with the ending :)

Now, on to this.
Awh. I know you said that this chapter was going to be long (and it probably was), but it felt pretty short. Especially because I know that there isn't another chapter waiting for me.

I enjoyed how you started off the term and the meeting and everything. It seemed very in-character and very canon.

I must drop in another note about how much I absolutely adore Sirius. I hope that you write about him a LOT more :)

James and Lily both continue to amuse me. I'm slowly falling in love with them too. And I really liked the last bit about Lily's meeting with Dumbledore. It reminded me of Harry's meetings in the sixth year.

I did notice a few grammatical errors in this chapter. But there were very few, and should be quite easy to fix :)

Some parts of this chapter, like always, made me laugh :) You have a really good way of putting things across and a very subtle sense of humor. This is an incredibly entertaining fic. Please update sooon! :)

Author's Response: No worries at all, I'm glad you liked the ending :)

It's nice to know you think the story is still in canon. I really appreciate hearing that, thank you :)

Yeah, I love him too! Sirius will be in the story more don't worry :)

I've always been in love with James and Lily - they're my favourite OTP :) I actually got the inspiration for Lily's meetings with Dumbledore after reading the 6th book again. I'm so happy to see you've picked up on the similarities :D

Oh really? Maybe I'm just blind but I didn't see any. I'll take your word for it however and have a read through this chapter again :)

Aw I'm sorry! I'm currently working on the next chapter, hopefully it'll be up soon! Thanks for all your encouraging comments and feedback randomwriter, they made my day :D



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Review #17, by randomwriter Chapter 3.

16th July 2013:
*shuffles in*
HiI'mLeavingYouAnotherReview! :p

Hello, another great update. I growing to love all the characters that you've introduced so far. ALL of them. They're all in character and this story seems so realistic.

A lot of things about this chapter really (inexplicably) made me smile. Thank you for that :)
I think James is showing Lily new shades of his personality, that she had never seen before. And slowly, the tables are turning. She's noticing nice things about him. He's snapped at her a few times already. It'll be interesting to see where you take it from here.

I just HAVE to make a special mention here. LOVED Sirius. I always do... But he was so perfect here

Author's Response: *shuffles in*

That'sOkayWithMeGoForIt! :P

Oh really? I think that's my favourite line of this whole review, that the story seems so realistic! :D

I'm glad to hear I made you smile :)

Yes, James really is beginning to change in front of his beloved Lily. I'm not going to say anything else about it :P

Sirius is perfect here? I don't even know what to say, thank you SO MUCH for reviewing again randomwriter :D


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Review #18, by randomwriter Chapter 2.

16th July 2013:
Hi again :)
I'm lovin' your stories. I really am :)

I think that you've introduced Lily's friends really well, and I can see that they share a great bond and form some kind of a perfect group. I enjoyed reading about them :) I especially like the fact that you've included Alice here! It's nice to think that she and Lily were close.

I think the second part of the chapter is where I really started to notice how you've cleverly used whatever JKR has given us about the Marauders era. I loved how you've subtly incorporated all these tiny little things like all the 'sudden gloomy news.' Also, we can see how the dynamic between Lily and Petunia has drastcially chaged after Lily's admission into Hogwarts. I liked how you've descrived Vernon and his relationship with Petunia. Absolutely spot on. and this- “Petunia I’m sure Vernon can survive one day without seeing you in the morning,” Mrs. Evans said sternly as she set a steaming cup of coffee in front of Petunia.- had me cracking up, really :)

And FINALLY, my favourite bit. I was happy to see some Jily interaction in there. They really are quite a pair. I see some maturity in James, and I see a lot of immaturity. I loved the interaction between them and the meeting they held. I think it was nicely done :) And finally, about the ending... I can sense that something has changed in James, and even Lily has noticed it. She seems a little flustered too. Anyway, I'll read on and find out :)

Thanks again for another great chapter. I hope I didn't bore you with this crazy long review.

Author's Response: Hi again! It's lovely to see you back :)

Oh my goodness, I don't even know what to say. I'm happy that you're enjoying my stories - it's nice to know people enjoy reading my work :)

Thank you! I always imagined Lily to have a close-knit friendship group :) Same goes with Lily and Alice - I've always thought they would be friends!

I've tried to keep this as close to canon as possible so I'm absolutely stoked you think that some of the characterisations are "spot on" :) I'm glad to hear you've been cracking up over the story!

I'm not going to lie, the Jily is my favourite part of this chapter too! I've always thought that James would be a mixture of immature and mature - after all, at this stage he is still a 17 year old boy :P And yes, something has changed. All will be revealed in later chapters ;)

I never get bored with reviews, especially if they're long ones! Thanks very much again for letting me know what you think randomwriter :D


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Review #19, by randomwriter Chapter 1.

16th July 2013:
Hi again :)
This seems like it's going to be very different from your other story that I had reviewed, 'Closeted Desires'
Anyhoo, this chapter has left me intrigued.
What exactly happened in the beginning? Who was kissing Lily? Will they get back together? Aaargh. SO many questions. I'll just read on :)

On another note, love the bit on the Evans family. It gives a nice perspective into things and I think it'll help us understand the characters better.

Loved the flashback too :)
I'm not looking to give any CC. But I don't think I could if I tried!

Author's Response: Hello hello :)

Yes it is!

Ah yes, I'm not going to ruin that part of the story for you :P

I enjoyed writing about the Evanses, I'm glad you enjoyed reading about them :) I'm happy you liked the flashback too - that was my favourite part of this chapter :)

Wow no CC? I don't even know what to say, thank you for the lovely review randomwriter :D I'm so sorry about the late responses - my internet hasn't been working properly for the past few days!


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Review #20, by LilyLou Chapter 1.

10th July 2013:
LilyLou here with your requested review!

Okay, it's a good start. I don't think the plot's too jumpy at all! At the beginning, I was confused as to what was happening. You kind of just jumped in there. I'm not sure if this was intentional or not. If it was, well done! If not, maybe adding a bit before you jump right into it would be great.

You kind of shocked me there when James broke up with Lily. It's just that it's always Lily picking the fights, in every other fanfiction, and it definitely surprised me. Not in a bad way at all, though! It also surprised me you have Lily cheating on him. I never would have pinned Lily as a cheater. It's a very different story, and leaves me wondering. I'd definitely want to read on! And most definitely WILL read on!(: It's a good story, a little abrupt at the beginning, and that's nothing you can't fix if it wasn't intentional!

Keep writing!

-Janelle(:

Author's Response: First of all, I'm sorry about the criminally late review Janelle, my internet has been playing up the past few days!

Yes it was an intentional jump at the beginning, I'm glad you liked it! I thought it might be interesting to read, I'm glad you thought so too :)

Thanks very much for all your kind words and feedback Janelle :)


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Review #21, by MC_HK Chapter 1.

10th July 2013:
Hello there! :)

This was a joy to read! I found that Lily and Petunia's history was very important to the plot and set up the characters really well. I don't think the plot jumps around too much at all! You get your point across with each section of the chapter and it's not confusing at all. The row between James and Lily makes me wonder what had happened and encourages me to read the next chapter because I have always seen Lily as the super nice girl who got with James the bad boy and this kind of tipped the scales. It's refreshing.

There were a few errors with words that dealt with tense in here I believe, although now that I've arrived at the end I can't find them -__- so I would go back and re-read carefully to pick them out.

The fight between James and Lily wasn't unnecessary, but I think could be executed a little better. Don't take that the wrong way, please, because it doesn't change that fact that you're a wonderful writer. For me it seemed a little over the top I guess? Maybe I would have liked it more if it weren't in the Common Room for the whole world to see. And the dialogue seems a little forced to me in terms of Lily expressing herself to James. Honestly I think it's just me because I'm not really the type to read overly romantic things (I don't even like the Notebook and I'm a girl) but that being said the scene was still a pleasure to read.

Overall I think you have a very successful story here! I enjoyed reading it and I'm looking forward to reading more! :) MC_HK

Author's Response: Why hello there MC-HK :)

Oh my goodness, I don't know where to begin! I'm glad you appreciate the deviation from the stereotypical characters (i.e. Lily being the super nice girl and James the bad boy) :) I wanted my story to be different right from the get-go, and I think their fight did just that!

Thanks for pointing out the grammar mistakes, I'll go back and re-edit with a fine-toothed comb!

Don't be sorry for CC - it only helps me to become better as a writer :) Don't worry, I'm the same with the romance scenes - I'm a girl too and I don't react well to overly romantic things so I get where you're coming from :)

I'll try to incorporate everything you've mentioned, thanks so much for the lovely review and all the constructive feedback! :D


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Review #22, by Harry and Ginny Chapter 4.

8th July 2013:
great chapter this one! it's funny how James still flirts with Lily but I hope that she'll begin to see him in a different light soon... can't wait to read more!^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this chapter Harry and Ginny! Yes hopefully things will change soon, stay tuned :) Thanks for reading and reviewing again Harry and Ginny, you're the best :D

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Review #23, by BellaFan202 Chapter 1.

4th July 2013:
Hi! I am so sorry for the super long wait! I've just been surprisingly busy these past several days! D: But, I am here now, so I'll try to give you my best review!

I was kind of confused about what was happening for a moment, but I feel like that was probably kind of intentional, and I really enjoyed it, honestly.

However, (and I'm sure I'll figure out the answer to this eventually...) I really don't know what Lily would cheat on James with Sirius. It makes a little uncomfortable to think about honestly, but I am kind of excited to see where you'll go with this.

Also, James' reaction was really good. Exactly how you would think it would happen if Lily ever cheated on him, which I never thought of, but now that I am, hey, it works! :)

The last little bit with Lily and Petunia was super cute and super heat breaking oh my god. You captured perfectly how I expected life with the Evans family to be, before and after finding out about Lily's magical abilites, which is super impressive.

I really liked how you described the family and their home before flashing back to before magic. You could really tell how much the sisters loved each other and that was really sweet.

You said in your request that you were worried about the flow; I wouldn't be. The only thing is, I'm not quite sure why you went from Hogwarts with James and Lily fighting to before Hogwarts with a happy family. Maybe try to make that a little more clear?

Well, that's about all I've got to say, so I'm just gonna leave now. :)

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Don't worry for the late review BellaFan202 - I've been busy with life lately so I completely understand :)

Yes, you'll find out what happens eventually. I don't want to reveal any more spoilers :P

You have NO IDEA how happy I am just reading your comments, hearing that I've depicted characters and events the way you'd expect them to happen. I'm literally jumping up and down, I'm that happy :)

Well I was hoping for a complete change of pace and scenery with the switch from Hogwarts to Lily's family. I thought it would give a nice contrast to the plot but I'm not sure if that comes across when you read the chapter.

Thank you so much for the kind review BellaFan202. I really appreciate it :D



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Review #24, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Chapter 2.

3rd July 2013:
Hi Elphaba back,

I moved on immediately from chapter 1 to chapter 2, and really like the juxtaposition of warm, caring Petunia with angry, jealous Petunia. :)

I also like the introductory paragraphs for Lily's friends, particularly Alice since you develop some similarities between Neville and his mother (both have round faces and forget things).

Another thing I like are Lily's mixed feelings about James. She thinks about him at home, and then scolds herself for thinking about him; perhaps she's already fighting some latent attraction to him with denial?

I like how you delve deeper into her feelings about James during the train ride. While the writing in this section is very strong, with many humorous moments, there are a couple of very long paragraphs in this section that could be broken up into shorter paragraphs to make them more readable. For instance, the one that begins: "It was from the beginning of fifth year..." I think breaking up the long paragraphs would help some of the humorous lines like, "Unlike a normal person, he did not seem to be disheartened that Lily always said no to him," to stand out.

The ending of this chapter has left me with many questions, which I'm sure Lily has as well. Why is the Halloween Ball a secret? Is it a cover for some mission that is going on with the Order of the Phoenix? That seems to be the implication. Are James's parents involved with the order? I also wonder if, by keeping secrets, James is trying to protect Lily because of her muggleborn status?

Author's Response: Hi Elphaba, it's lovely to see you back :)

I'm glad you picked up on the contrast between warm, caring Petunia and angry, jealous Petunia - I was hoping someone would! Yay you picked up on the similarities between Alice and Neville as well! Kudos to you Elphaba :)

Perhaps she is, you'll just have to read more to find out :P

I was hoping to integrate some of Lily's thoughts about James into the train ride, so I'm glad you've enjoyed reading about them! Oh I see what you mean! I'll go back and re-edit this chapter with your suggestions included!

Ah, well I'm sorry again but I'm not going to answer any of your questions Elphaba, otherwise I might ruin future chapters! But thank you once again for all the lovely comments and CC, I really appreciate it :D


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Review #25, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Chapter 1.

3rd July 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review! First of all, I apologize for being so late. I got a bit overwhelmed with work for a few days.

Typically, Lily is the one getting angry at James in fan fiction stories, so your opening with James angry at Lily is unexpected - not in a bad way, just different. :) In fact, given James's reputation for brash behavior, I think it definitely within character for him to jump to jealous conclusions.

However, James asking Lily to let him go is quite a shocker. I never would have expected him to break things off with her. I'm guessing that there is some reason beyond jealousy behind his actions that will be revealed later, but he acts like a jerk in this section! The fact that he expects her to beg his forgiveness seems like immaturity on his part. What is she supposed to be forgiven for? He never even gave her a chance to explain what he'd really seen.

The descriptive, dialog-free second section at the Evans home is written in such a different style from the quick-paced, dialog-heavy first and third sections that it almost feels like I am reading another story. While I appreciate the well-written descriptions of Lily's parents and neighborhood, I wonder if this section might work better with the rest of the story if it were trimmed down a bit? I might also soften the transition between the second and third section by removing the line (***), so that one flows better into the other.

I really like the warm conversation between Lily and Petunia at the park in the final section. It helps to develop Petunia as more than just the mean, non-magical older sister. I like that you show Petunia's affection for Lily, and her desire to help and protect her. I think this fits very well with the idea that Petunia never hated Lily, but only wished she could be magical, as well. I'm not sure how this memory will fit within the overall arc of the story, but I'm very curious to find out! :)

Author's Response: Hi Elphaba! It's fine don't worry - sometimes real life does get in the way so I completely understand :)

Yes that's true - as you've already pointed out, it's typical to see Lily biting off James' head in fanfics. I thought I'd take my own spin on this and turn the tables a bit and I'm glad someone noticed :)

I have to admit, I kind of hated writing James as a complete jerk in the beginning but it's essential to the story. Yes you're right - there is definitely a reason why he broke things off. However, I don't want to spoil the rest of the story so I'll just stay silent on the topic :P

Oh that's what I was afraid of! I was wondering if the descriptions were a tad heavy to read, so thanks for pointing it out :) I'll definitely take your suggestions on when I re-edit the story!

I've always thought there was more to Petunia than just being the elder, non-magical sister of Lily. I'm glad someone else seems to think the same way!

Thank you for all the CC and lovely comments Elphaba! I'll definitely take everything you've said onboard! :)


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