Reading Reviews for A Bully and a Bathroom
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Kimberly A Bully and a Bathroom

15th September 2013:
Love this :) being bullyed myself I understand the torment she went through...and need for wanting to escape.Thank You

Author's Response: Thank you, it was tough for me to write as bullying is such a sensitive subject, I'm really pleased you liked it. Thank you!

 Report Review

Review #2, by LittleLionGirl A Bully and a Bathroom

6th August 2013:
Well. I have to start by saying poor Myrtle. No one should have to be bullied like that but I guess it is life. I like how she seemed to try and make amends though it was too late. Myrtle and her karma. She will be so heart broken when the ministry takes away her abilities to haunt Olive. Karma was used in a cleaver way here though; having the favor returned to Olive. Adding in Tom was a nice touch to the story though I am surprised Myrtle wouldn't have mentioned Tom if she had seen him... Ah well keep amazing me okay?
XOXOXOXO,
LLG

Author's Response: Poor Myrtle indeed, she's such a great character to write about and is really under-rated in fanfiction so I really enjoyed writing this :) Myrtle didn't see Tom, from what JKR describes of her death, she hears a male voice and leaves her cubicle to tell him to go away but is faced with the basilisk instead, sorry if that didn't come across right :)

Thanks for the reviews and I will certainly try!! x


 Report Review

Review #3, by randomwriter A Bully and a Bathroom

2nd August 2013:
Hi there :)
Here from review tag. I'm very late, I know. I'm sorry.

It's funny that I found this story minutes after submitting my entry for your challenge (The Casual vacancy Challenge :P). I read this, and fell asleep before I could post a review. So here I am. The reason I found that funny, is because my story too is about Myrtle. But it is set years after the Second War, and talks about her perspective about dying early and her life as a ghost. I must say that my entry is rather bitter, while this was more positive. I really liked the story and felt that the characters were really believable. Olive Hornby was so absolutely fowl. She was the quintessential bully. And Myrtle really seems like someone who would be happy if she was just left on her own. I also think that immediately after death, Myrtle would feel a sense of liberation, that you have shown well here :)
My only CC would be that there are a few punctuation errors here and there. Other than that, this was a quick, light read. I was a little disheartened to see this marked 'completed'. Would love some elaboration on her revenge ;)
Oh, and I really like your banner :P

Author's Response: Hello!

Don't worry about the late review, I'm guilty of that too :D

I'm now really looking forward to reading your entry to the challenge, Myrtle is such a fascinating character and is really unrepresented in fanfiction.

I'm so glad you thought the characters were believable. We only ever read a couple lines about Olive and the fact that she teased Myrtle about her glasses so I sort of ran with that and created a character that was esentially to blame for Myrtle's death.

I'm terrible for missing punctuation errors when I check over my stories for posting so thanks for pointing that out, I'll be sure to go back and be more scrutinous ;) I hadn't thought about doing another chapter but maybe I could add another that leads up to Olive's brother's wedding when she finally has enough of Myrtle. Watch this space! I love my banner too-the TDA artists are so talented!

Thanks for the review :)


 Report Review

Review #4, by missclaire17 A Bully and a Bathroom

19th July 2013:
Hello! (: It's Claire here from the forums.

I found this entire one-shot very interesting. Because Myrtle had been constantly teased by Olive Hornby I can see why Myrtle is so sensitive to whenever people say that she's dead and she takes it to mean that everyone's making fun of it. It would definitely make sense.

I also found her decision to become a ghost to make fun of Olive very shortsighted. She did it for revenge but did she think about what she would be doing after that? I wasn't sure that Myrtle thought that through, which also (sadly) made sense due to her age. Kids and teenagers aren't known for their ability to look long-term.

I am glad that you included that bit with Tom Riddle; even from the beginning, he was pinning Myrtle's murder on Hagrid. I hadn't even thought that he would do that, but it makes perfect sense that he would.

I'm really glad that I decided to read this. It was wonderfully written!(:

Author's Response: Hi Claire, thanks for reading :)

I completely agree that it was a shortsighted decision to become a ghost and I think for the purposes of this story it was a revenge thing but I also think because of her age she wouldn't have been ready for death and I think maybe her refusal to accept her death is why she ended up as a ghost. Myrtle has always been a character that fascinates me for those reasons.

The bit with riddle is possibly my favourite part of this, it wasn't in my original plan but it worked its way in and I actually quite like it :)

Thanks so mug for the review, I'm really glad you liked the sorry :)


 Report Review

Review #5, by ephemerals A Bully and a Bathroom

19th July 2013:
Here for the Review Swap :) Wow, this was great! I haven't read any fanfiction about Myrtle before - not any that revolve around her pre-death, anyway :) I really enjoyed it.

Your characterization of Myrtle and Olive were both really nicely done. I felt sorry for Myrtle - there's certainly a lot to feel sorry about: the bullying and then the dying. I'm glad you showed that Olive wasn't happy about Myrtle's death - yes, she bullied the girl, but no, she didn't want her dead. You also included a lot of minor characters from this time - Tom Riddle, Professor Dippet, etc. - and I thought that was great, it definitely added to the story.

I really love your writing style; I struggle to pull off a somewhat readable third person, so I really think this is great! Everything flows and there isn't any problems with dragging on, or losing reader's interest. Grammar was fine, I think. At least, I didn't catch on to any mistakes - maybe I was too immersed in your story to! But I really did enjoy this a lot, and I'll be adding it to my favourites :)

Thank you for the swap, and I'll be around, checking out more of your other stuff!
- Jenni

Author's Response: Hi Jenni, thanks for the swap, I really enjoyed the first chapter of your story!

I always worry a great deal about characterisation of the characters so I'm glad you liked them. Olive was the easier of the two as we know almost nothing about her other than the fact that she teased Myrtle about her glasses.

Dippet was a part of my original plan for this as the books said Professor Dippet had sent olive looking for Myrtle but Tom was a last minute addition, that part is actually my favourite in this story :)

I'm really glad you enjoyed this and hope you like anything else you read! Thanks for the lovely review :)


 Report Review

Review #6, by patronus_charm A Bully and a Bathroom

17th July 2013:
Yay FOB!

Your characterisation of Olive really shone here! She really was a nasty piece of work, and Iím glad that you made a continuous thing because it explained Myrtleís reactions after she died even better than otherwise. Even though name calling and making up songs are only minor things I could really sense the pain it caused Myrtle.

The scene were Myrtle became a ghost was great and even had a dash of humour in it to liven up a serious scene which worked really well actually.

The way that she continued to take the mick out of her glasses tied in perfectly with Mytleís death. I liked Oliveís bored tone when she was sent to look for Myrtle. It really did the entire scene justice and made Myrtle even more tragic to know that even on her dying day she wasnít treated with respect.

I loved the interaction between Tom and Olive because it seemed as if he wanted to knock her off too! The agitation he had and the fact that he knew he had killed her but Olive didnít was really great. The tiny line thrown in about Hagrid was another nice touch.

The continual teasing that Myrtle did to Olive towards the end tied in perfectly with canon and showed how it would lead to a restraining order from the Ministry.

A great one-shot!

-Kiana

Author's Response: I do love FOB so couldn't pass up on this challenge :D

Really minor characters like Olive are brilliant because they give great freedom for writers to give them their own personalities. I always thought Olive must have been pretty awful for Myrtle to haunt her continuously after she died so just ran with it.

Tom's part in this wasn't originally planned but fit so well when I started writing it, I could just imagine him planting the seed that it was Hagrid's fault she died.

I'm glad you liked it, thanks so much for the review :)


 Report Review

Review #7, by CassiePotter A Bully and a Bathroom

29th June 2013:
Hello!
I really enjoyed this one-shot! I've never read anything about Myrtle's death, and I think you did a great job with it! I felt really bad for her. Olive was really awful to her! I think you did a wonderful job setting up who the characters were, and letting us get to know sides of them JKR doesn't really show us. Also, I loved that you put Tom Riddle in this! He was really well written for just being in a few paragraphs!
I thought this was a great story, and I really liked reading it! I didn't see any grammar mistakes, and everything flowed really well. Great job! 10/10
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Thank you vey much for such a lovely review :)
I'm glad you liked the story, the ones about minor characters are my favourite to read and write. I'm glad you thought the characterisation was good, it's something I work really hard on when writing so it's always nice to know readers think I got it right :)
Thanks again Cassie :D


 Report Review

Review #8, by marauderfan A Bully and a Bathroom

28th June 2013:
This was a great one-shot, I liked reading about Myrtle at Hogwarts. You did a great job with her characterisation - how she just wanted to be invisible because of all the teasing. I particularly loved the line about how Professor Binns "saw right through her" haha. And I like how that was her favourite bathroom to cry in, it only seemed fitting that it would be the place she haunts. Peeves seemed pretty in character too, I thought his song was spot on (hehe, no pun intended)

One thing I think you could add would be something just as she dies about how she's afraid to die. JK said that people become ghosts when they're afraid of death, and Myrtle never seemed to be afraid of death in this, just sad. I think it was perfect that she wanted to be invisible, but maybe you could add a sentence just when she sees the yellow eyes and starts to feel floaty, about how she wants to come back to haunt Olive.

Thanks for suggesting this review swap! :) I really enjoyed reading your story!

Author's Response: Thank you very much for this lovely review, I'm really glad you liked the story :) Minor characters are my favourite, so this was pretty fun for me to write :)

Characterisation is a big worry for me when writing so it's nice to hear you thought I did Peeves and Myrtle :)

Thank you for the suggestion too, I think it's a brilliant idea and I'll definitely take it on board when I come back to edit this one. And thank you again for this review and for the swap!


 Report Review

Review #9, by Elphaba and Boyfriends A Bully and a Bathroom

31st May 2013:
Hey, Elphaba here with your requested review!

I really like the opening paragraph; your introduction of Olive captured my attention right away. I love how you took a minor detail from the book (the quote "Are you in here Myrtle...") and ran with it.

I think you do a really good job with Myrtle, too. It's funny that she envies the ghosts their invisibility, and then becomes one herself. I think in the books she is mostly just annoying, and here you make her more sympathetic by showing why she moans.

I think overall this story is really well written, and I like how you work in a brief encounter with Tom Riddle and even a reference to Hagrid.

The only question I have is that I wonder why getting revenge on Olive didn't seem to make Myrtle any less depressed? It would be neat if you added something at the end to explain this. Maybe she was disappointed that Olive's life wasn't as negatively impacted as she wished, or maybe after Olive left school Myrtle felt lonelier than ever?

At any rate, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story! :)

Author's Response: Hello! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your review!

Thank you for the kind words, I'm glad you liked it :)

JKR said that Myrtle ruined Olive's brother's wedding and after that the ministry forced her to stay in Hogwarts and to stay away from Olive. I did consider adding this on the end, I might edit it in the future :)

Thank you again for the review!


 Report Review

Review #10, by Aphoride A Bully and a Bathroom

22nd May 2013:
Hey there - popping by from the forums with your requested review! :)

I lovelovelove that you've chosen to write about Myrtle and Olive... it's odd because Myrtle actually plays a fairly large part in book 2, but she's nearly almost ignored in fanfiction and beyond... anyway, they're both great, great characters. I love how you've highlighted Olive bullying Myrtle and the differences between them, because we know Olive bullied her and that her glasses, in particular, were mentioned in the books. It's a great glimpse at a small, but pretty major event.

I feel so sorry for Myrtle throughout this, you know, because she's really such a victim in everything. First with Olive teasing her, then with Tom Riddle killing her (whether accidentally or not, who knows?)... she didn't deserve any of it, none of it was her fault, it just happened.

Also, I like how you made Olive react to Myrtle's death. While a lot of bullies tease and ridicule people, it rarely goes so far as to genuinely want that person dead, and I loved how you showed that. In a way, Olive is less vindictive than Myrtle because Myrtle's sole purpose for being a ghost is to weep about how bad her life was and revenge her own death, via Olive, who she sees as the guilty party. But yeah, that contrast between the two of them is really great :)

A couple of things I just need to mention: first, when you change pov, you should put a break, say using ~ or something similar, to make it clear to the reader that you're changing povs. I could follow the text without difficulty, but I did wonder if you were writing in third person omniscient or third person limited, and it was a bit jarring for the flow of the story.

Secondly, you might want to think about checking this over again for grammar. Most of it is fine (and you haven't made any mistakes or anything) but you've used commas a lot and in a few places they shouldn't be used. For example: 'from her sing-song voice, that charmed the staff' shouldn't have a comma because it's still the same clause. There were a couple of other places where the comma should be replaced with a semi colon or a full stop. If you find it difficult to see the mistakes (I'm terrible with commas - I often have to have people point them out to me before I realise!), then you can ask a quick beta to look it over for you to help :)

I love the way you switch povs, as well, to show both sides of the story, and the way that you mention people like Professor Dippet and Tom Riddle telling her that Myrtle was seen talking to Hagrid... of course, we know what's really going on, but it just shows how no one really knew anything, and fleshes out the era it's set in. Plus, Peeves... I loved the inclusion of the song about Myrtle and his teasing her as well. I think people often forget about him, so it was nice to see him have a part in this!

I liked this - honestly, it was really well characterised, a great moment to choose, nice pace, very few mistakes... it was a great one-shot! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! I am so so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your review, every time I remembered I had to I would get distracted and forget again!

Minor characters are my favourite as there is so much to explore and gives me great freedom to write with.
I consider Peeves to be one of these characters too, he's so much fun to write, especially his songs!

Thank you for the tips on the story break and the commas, admittedly I don't really check my story too carefully for mistakes after I've written them and I know I should!

I really appreciate the time you've taken to write such a thoughtful review and I'm glad you enjoyed the story :)


 Report Review

Review #11, by s2rocks A Bully and a Bathroom

22nd May 2013:
Requested review by s2rocks:

First of all to hear the story of Myrtle is something new and different. There aren't many stories about her, and I have not read even one.

You portrayal of Myrtle was good, how she was bullied by others and tried a lot to do better so that no one teased her but they never stopped.

I liked that song of Peeves, it was good.
Olive was a bad girl and you have shown her quite nicely.

You have also shown that Tom Riddle was really handsome which was said in seventh book and how Olive was smitten by him.

The yellow eyes of course and that floating thing was good.

The conversation between Olive and Myrtle at hospital was good and it looked like Myrtle was all for revenge and well when you have done something wrong, it comes after you with double force. Olive learned her lesson.

Nice work :)
-Shelly

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you very much for the kind review. I'm glad you liked the story. Peeves' song was my favourite part to write, I love his character :)

 Report Review

Review #12, by Maelody A Bully and a Bathroom

22nd May 2013:
Hey, Mae here with your requested review! :)

I'm really glad you requested this story to me! It was definitely like nothing I've read before, and I've never actually thought to read something like this before! I also like the last name you gave Myrtle. Nothing too terribly fancy, just average. Something forgettable like she was to the students to Hogwarts. (I know that probably sounds terrible, but I do hope you know what I mean).

I also liked the fact that there was more going on here than what you focused on. Like her bumping into Tom and him saying he saw Hagrid and Myrtle talking was a really nice touch and I thought it really really added to the story. Olive and Peeves making up and singing songs also helped make this whole thing very believable and canon since that's exactly what would have gone on. It's terribly sad to think that Myrtle even thought being dead would be better even once in her life just before dying. It made it a little more sad that I thought it would be.

With that being said, though, I thought the reactions of Olive and Myrtle in the end were just a tad bit unreal. I can't see how Olive wouldn't feel bad for the death of a fellow student even if at the time she didn't know it was her fault. I had a friend who was teased terribly through school, and even though no one caused her death, even the kids who said the slightest snide remark about her felt terrible about her death. Then again, everyone grieves in their own way I suppose.

As for Myrtle, I don't know. I just see her being too sulky and too depressed about actually being dead, and the surprise of it all, and the fact that she won't get to go home like she was excited to do would get to her. I don't think the first thing she would think of is plotting a revenge toward Olive. Even if so, the fact that she sat there and told her everything verbatim about why she was in the bathroom, I feel as though the best sort of revenge would be making Olive wonder why she was being haunted and then realizing what had happened. Also, in the books we see that Myrtle still takes heart to being teased and hurt, so one more mean remark from Olive, if Myrtle hadn't told her all of those things, probably would have sent her back to the cubicle and crying. Unless it was Olive's graduating from Hogwarts that calmed Myrtle down and to resign forever more into her cubicle.

I also really liked how Myrtle's thought process went when she was in her cubicle and she heard the boy and she wanted to tell him to go away and find a boy's bathroom. It really made me think of what the book/movie said without getting into actually quoting it.

Overall, this story was very nice and it got me to thinking about Myrtle as a character and how/why she ended up there in the first place. You've done an excellent job and I thank you for requesting! :)

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you very much for the review.
I'm glad you liked the last name I picked for her, I wanted something that sounded plain and muggle born and I agree that it's forgettable.
Tom being in the story wasn't planned but I wanted to add a little more depth to the story and I think he would have been arrogant enough to point Olive in the direction of his victim.
I looked into Myrtle's character a lot before writing this and yes, I think she is a very mopey character and wouldn't have immediately began plotting her revenge but the stories tell us that she was alone for a long time before she was found, I think she would have come to terms with it fairly quickly as it was just another awful thing to happen to her, like the bullying. She also strikes me as a person that shares TOO much, very over dramatic and over emotional, that's why I had her explain it all to Olive, she was also very young and immature at her time of death. The reason she goes back to her cubicle is because she was forced to by the ministry after haunting Olive at her brothers wedding, JKR tells us in GoF.

I'm glad you liked the story overall, thank you very much for the review :)


 Report Review

Review #13, by -BookDinosaur- A Bully and a Bathroom

21st May 2013:
-BookDinosaur- here with your requested review!

I liked this story, there aren't many about Myrtle and her death, so it was refreshing to read this.

I think that your characterisation is good, you managed to capture the bullying personality of Olive and the victimized personality of Myrtle. I liked that little detail where Olive liked Tom Riddle, I feel it added depth to the story.

One thing I noticed was that in the HP series, I thought they said that there were attacks before Myrtle died, but you've written this as more of a one time thing. Still, it's nothing big.

I also liked the ending-it lent a bit of a 'fairytale' quality to the story, which is ironic, because this is not a fairytale.

All in all, congrats on a well-written one-shot.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I totally overlooked the previous attacks and now I'm kicking myself haha, I appreciate you pointing that out for me :) thanks again!

 Report Review

Review #14, by Broken Butterfly A Bully and a Bathroom

21st May 2013:
This was really good. I liked it. I think it is a logical reason why Myrtle would have been in teh bathroom that day she died. The story itself was really funny though. I think that this is a perfect light, humous fic to read if you wanted to stray from your norm. Good work.

Author's Response: Thank you very much :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login