Reading Reviews for Just Seventeen
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by patronus_charm Part Three: Growth

24th November 2013:
Hey Isobel here with your review and donít worry about not having the others, NaNo is very crazy!

Aw, Fleur was just wonderful. Her dialogue was really great with the bits of French interspersed into her accent which gave it a really authentic feel. I thought you handled her reaction really well because of course she would prefer for her not to have the baby but then when Fleur saw that that battle couldnít be won she gave in and supported her which was really lovely. I think the part about her being young when she had Victoire was really touching too as it was so real.

The fight between Teddy and Bill was great. It just seemed so natural and tension and rawness of it was great. Bill as the protective Dad was exactly what I imagined him to be so I was really glad that you decided to portray him in the same way. I just hope that Teddy and Victoireís relationship lasts this now as it was a major upheaval for them especially with the family anger.

The emphasis of the physical effects of the pregnancy is really great as itís so rarely seen but such a large part of it (from what Iíve heard, mind!) and it gave the story a really authentic feel to it.

The Molly flashback ♥ Proof of why you won that Snitchet. Gah, I canít even say much about it other than it being gut wrenching and wanting to cry throughout. I really like Mollyís characterisation and those points are some of the strongest throughout the story so I hope they crop up more and more.

I would perhaps lessen the references to Scarlett being Italian. You made it once which was fine but then they carried on so they grew a little repetitive after a while, but itís only a minor point so I wouldnít worry too much. :)

The expulsion of Victoire and the following reaction was really great. It was just so dramatic and unexpected in a way. I think itís more of a natural rather than her being granted a room for the baby and all the wonders with it as Hogwarts isnít going to exactly advocate teen pregnancy so your idea really fits well.

The only thing I would watch out for is your comma usage like here ĎClumsily, she clambered up into a standing position, swaying unsteadily as she fought to gain her balance, before extending her wand.í Itís an awful lot for one sentence and the one after balance is a little unnecessary so you could emit that as it almost detracts from the flow rather than helping it. I saw it happen in a few other places so just make sure you have an extra look at them.

Great chapter, Isobel!

-Kiana

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Review #2, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Part Two: Discovery

7th October 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here!

Despite the length, I got through this chapter very quickly. It didn't feel like 6000+ words at all. :)

I really like this line from the scene at the apothecary: "... It was odd, she thought, how unimportant childhood memories seemed to surface at apocalyptically important moments." It's true, I think.

There are so many Weasley cousins that I had trouble remembering who is who during the Christmas section. I realize this would make the chapter even longer, I think it would be helpful to have a few more details about them - like their ages and whose kids they are.

I like Teddy's reaction: "'How? When?' Teddy mumbled in confusion, stealing a glance at Victoire. 'Sorry,' he added quickly." It's funny because it's so natural to think 'how did that happen?' even when the answer is obvious. :) I like that Fleur asks the same question, though she reacts out of anger rather than shock.

I also really like the flashbacks that show the warm relationship Victoire shared with Grandma Molly, as well as Vic's current longing to have her grandmother there to support her.

Chapter 3 isn't validated yet, but feel free to re-request once it is!

Author's Response: Hi Elphaba!

Wow, that's fabulous to hear! If only I'd managed to write it so quickly too :P

I like that line too - I've had those kinds of moments too, so I added it in for realism.

Personally, the Weasley cousins make sense to me - perhaps I've memorized the family tree, but I automatically know which child belongs to whom. I'll re-read this chapter and see if I can add a couple more details in, though :)

Heh. I'm really pleased that you felt their reactions were natural, because that was what I was aiming for.

Aww yes, the relationship that Molly and Victoire had is really sweet, and I'm glad you felt the flashbacks added to the story.

I definitely will! :D


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Review #3, by someone Part Two: Discovery

4th September 2013:
C'est parfait! Haha this is so good! !

Author's Response: Thank you very much! ♥

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Review #4, by adluvshp Part Two: Discovery

12th August 2013:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums. I know I am awfully late with this but real life has been keeping me busy.

I quite liked this chapter. It delved deeper into Victoire as a character and I really enjoyed getting to know her better. I loved how you portrayed her relation with Molly, it is very believable and sweet. I felt truly sad for her as it was so evident that she missed her grandmother terribly. The flashbacks were a nice touch to solidify the relationship between the two. I also liked her interaction with Teddy and how he reacted - it was realistic. I did expect Fleur to be slightly more supportive though. At least I hope the initial anger will pass - calling her daughter what she did was a little too much. But that's not a story flaw, just something I was intrigued by =)

I loved your descriptions and dialogues throughout. All the cousins and all, and the hustle bustle of the household was shown nicely. The story is progressing in a realistic manner and your plot seems originally done so great job. The emotions come through amazingly and I like that.

I don't have any CC for you. This chapter was very well-written, and I can already see you improve from your first chapter. Great job, please keep writing, and feel free to re-request!

10/10
Cheers
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi! It's not a problem at all - I'm sorry for the delay in my review too! Real life is hectic for everyone; don't worry about it ♥

Ee thank you! Yes, I wanted Victoire to have a connection with someone who could understand her feelings at such a young age. At first I considered her aunts, but then Molly popped into my mind and stuck around :P I'm really pleased that you felt Teddy's reaction was realistic, since that's one of my main aims for this story. And yes - you've seen in the next chapter that Fleur was shocked and lashing out, like most people do when they hear something life-changing and unexpected. We know from the books she's very emotional and occasionally over-reacts at first before she calms down, so I felt the scene fitted. :)

Thank you, thank you, thank you - all of those things are so wonderful to hear, and I wish I could convey my appreciation much more! ♥

-Isobel


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Review #5, by teh tarik Part Two: Discovery

17th July 2013:
Katie! ♥

Finally here, reviewing this chapter! So I've not a lot to say about this that you don't already know, but aljkshlgoivuiuusdaakjsahd angst sadness misery depressed! EVIL. Not only Victoire finds out she's pregnant, but she tells Fleur, who effectively shuns her daughter in that crucial moment (it was hard for me re-reading that part, since that pretty much happened to me), and finally MOLLY'S DEATH. You just kept the tragedy coming on and on, relentlessly. Honestly, this is such a depressing chapter that I'm well depressed. Though I asked for it, what with me, cheering you on for writing miserable Weasley Christmases :P

You've gone into so much detail to show the extent of Victoire's miserable situation, and I think you've captured the bleakness and despair of teenage pregnancy very well, along with society's perspective on this issue. But it's not all misery and unhappiness; you've written a very lovely ambivalence about Victoire's views toward her own pregnancy - some small part of her wants this child, idealistically dreams up a perfect young family with Teddy. The other part of her doesn't want to confront the huge social pressures she will face, and her sense of desperation is evident in that moment when she contemplates abortion. I think you've managed to convey the dilemma of the pregnant teen so well here, so great work.

Fleur is pretty much livid and ferocious in this chapter; her characterisation is exceptional. She's strong and bossy and opinionated and quick to judge and insensitive, which really does fit her canon self very well. Teddy is somewhat ineffectual in this chapter; he's at a loss at what to do and doesn't seem to be much of a comfort to a distraught Victoire. I do feel just a little bit sorry for him (I feel more for Victoire :P ), he's so very young and inexperienced, and he's probably going to feel very awkward with the rest of the Potter-Weasley clan now. And that's sad, seeing as they're pretty much his only family, along with Andromeda, of course.

This is such a well-written chapter, Katie! Splendid work! I hope to see more of this coming :) I do wonder how the rest of the Weasleys will find out...will Fleur tell them? What will their reactions be? Gah!

-teh

Author's Response: Nicole ♥

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. EVIL INDEED >:D Although yes, it was rather heartbreaking for Fleur to act so rashly, and yet I did want to write it realistically :( *sends lots of hugs* And yes, the tragedy is endless - that's life; sometimes all the bad things just get on top of you and seem to be relentless, and that's what I decided to include here. Poor Victoire ♥

Thank you, thank you! Realism is so important to me, and I'm honoured at your compliments! And yes - I wanted to balance out the depressing situation, and remind the reader that despite being seventeen, Victoire /is/ still somewhat of a child. She's an adult, yes, but she's grown up in a closeted environment and she hasn't really had a taste of the big bad world until now. ♥

Ah asdfghjkl I just love all your comments here. I don't really know what to say, since we've already discussed J17 approximately ten squillion times, but I just wanted to say thank you so much for being a fabulous beta-reader and friend and for supporting this story ♥ ♥

-Isobel


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Review #6, by flyingmandarin Part Two: Discovery

23rd June 2013:
Very well written! I love finally finding something to read about Victoire.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! Victoire's quite interesting to write, especially in the situation she's currently in! :)

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Review #7, by AveryCanFly Part Two: Discovery

18th June 2013:
I really like this! It's very well written and I can't wait to see what happens :)

Author's Response: It's great to hear that you like this story! The next chapter will be up soon! Thank you for reviewing! :)

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Review #8, by patronus_charm Part Two: Discovery

18th June 2013:
Hey Katie, and wow this was a good chapter! Though I do think you may have the boost it to a novella if itís already at 10K two chapters in :P

Ok I feel bad at laughing about how Victoire find out that she was pregnant. Admittedly, I thought she may have not been pregnant yet so I didnít feel too bad about laughing, and I felt so bad for that poor girl who suggested it. Then when it clicked in her head about the periods I began to feel for her! I thought you showed her reaction well, and I can imagine I would probably react in the same way if I find out I was pregnant at that age (hopefully I wonít have to find out if it will be true or not :P).

On a more minor note I liked the fact that the shop sold both muggle and magical medicine as it shows that the society has moved on since the war. Even though it was only a little suspense, you built it up well with the potions being out of stock so Victoire had to resort to muggle means. I liked the interactions with the shop keeper too, as it added a more humane element to this moment of the story.

The suspense was built up really again for the is she/isnít she pregnant scene. I think what really added to what was the grim settings of the toilets. It sort of showed how bad her predicament was if it meant she had to frequent this places. Ah the point doesnít really make sense, but I hope you get the gist of it!

Oh the irony of Victoire having a go at Lily for already having a boyfriend. I couldnít help but laugh at this. Iím not very good at tense moments so the more I laugh the more tense it is, so by the amount Iíve laughed so far, youíre doing a good job, Katie!

The flashbacks with Molly were the ones which really broke my heart. Iím so used to Arthur being the dead on in next gen stories this twist certainly surprised me. The first one was adorable and I liked seeing how her and Fleur were good enough friends now to discuss Gabrielleís problems. Then the second one is the one which made me tear up. I think it was just the last line, like I had sense it was going to happen I just didnít want to admit it. It was really well written, Katie ♥

I liked the big reveal scene about Victoire being pregnant too and I thought it was done really well. We didnít get to see too much of Teddyís reaction due to Fleur bursting into the room so it will be interesting to see more about what he thinks. Fleur was superb though and the French really added to the story. I hope that she warms to the idea of it, because in my head canon Fleurís a lot nicer than most people think, but I guess Iíll have to wait and see.

The ending was really beautiful, Katie, and it was a really wonderful chapter. I canít wait for the next ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: OMG Kiana, yes! It's a novella now, and OH MY GOD IS IT A LONG NOVELLA. This is officially the in the top three longest one-shots of all time :P

Ah thank you! I feel like I keep saying this a lot, but I really want to keep J17 as realistic as possible, so for you to say that you'd probably react like that if you were pregnant at 17 (although hopefully that won't happen :P) is excellent to hear! ♥

Yes, I wanted to depict how things have changed since Harry's time, and also I was struggling to come up with a magical pregnancy test that would fit well into the HP-verse, so I decided to use a Muggle pregnancy test to confirm Victoire's pregnancy. And awww, thank you! I liked the shopkeeper too :)

Ohmygosh, yes. It makes sense to me, don't worry!

Victoire being upset about Lily's boyfriend is because she hasn't told Harry and Ginny about him. I think it's her maternal instincts coming through, because she's kind of "what if it was /my/ daughter keeping secrets from me?" even though at that point, she was keeping her pregnancy quiet from Fleur, so hi hypocrisy :P

I CRIED WRITING MOLLY. Well, the first flashback was fine, because it was a nice foundation for Molly and Victoire's relationship, but the second... agh. ;( Thank you, I'm honoured you thought it was well-written ♥

E YES. That was so fun to write, yet emotionally draining because my emotions were all over the place like Victoire's. Fleur certainly does have bad timing, doesn't she? :P Yep, she is a great mother and incredibly nice - remember how panicked she was when she couldn't save Gabrielle in GOF? - but obviously like any parent she'd be quite shocked at her daughter's pregnancy and occasionally, people in shock say things they don't mean.

And thank you so much, Kiana, you super person ♥


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Review #9, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Part One: Before

30th May 2013:
Hi Elphaba here with your requested review!

I really enjoyed reading this story. I appreciate Victoire's views of pregnancy; she makes very valid points about sexist practices that are so prevalent that people forget to notice them.

I think overall this chapter is very well-written, but I did notice a couple of small hiccups. The first one is near the beginning: "It sent the blood coursing through her blood once more and caused her heart to beat frantically - and reminded her that she was alive." I assume that one of the uses of "blood" is a mistake; is the second "blood" suppose to be "veins"?

The other hiccup is just a long sentence that could be alightly shortened: "Somehow, Victoire had made her way to her dormitory without realizing that she'd managed to walk from the first floor of the castle to Gryffindor without noticing, and internally marvelled at her ability to not accidentally collide with somebody else - or worse, fall foul of the moving staircases that generally required a person's utmost concentration." I might cut out "...made her way to her dormitory without realizing that she'd..." to shorten it without changing the meaning.

I really like all the canon references and details that you include. There are a lot of great little moments like this one: "Mundungus Fletcher was a walking treasure trove - but she didn't care." I found the thought of him raising a daughter to be really funny.

Here's another one: "Gabrielle had taught her when she had visited during the summer; that Victoire could still be in love with Teddy and remain faithful to him, and yet allow her eyes to stray." This made me chuckle, I think because it's funny to think of Gabrielle as an adult dispensing advice, when I always think of her as a little girl.

I love that it is Neville who busts them at the Three Broomsticks. :) They obviously weren't thinking things through (like that their head of house owns the Three Broomsticks with his wife). This whole caper is quite amusing, and I especially appreciated her threatening bratty, teenage James in order to borrow the marauders' map. :)

I gather from the hints that you drop (headaches, nausea, angry outburst at Professor Longbottom) that she is already pregnant at this point in the story. I like that her symptoms are fairly subtle and fit naturally into the story. I'm curious to see how the story will progress, and how she will get from here to the edge of the cliff.

Author's Response: Hi Elphaba!

Sorry for the late response; future replies will be more prompt, I assure you! ♥ Thank you so much for pointing out those errors, I've fixed them and I really appreciate the feedback! :D

J17 is actually my first multi-chaptered foray into next-gen, so I think I included those references there to try and make it feel more canon to me :P although it's certainly amusing to think of Mundungus as a father! XD

Yeah, I wanted to include Gabrielle to try and incorporate the whole family feeling, and it's indeed strange to think of her as an adult!

Hehehehe! I didn't actually realize that Neville and Hannah owned the Three Broomsticks, but I agree that their plan wasn't the best! And yes - she is the eldest Weasley of her generation, after all, and there are some times when she will pull rank, so to speak :P

Victoire is indeed pregnant by now, although it's very early in her pregnancy - you'll notice she wasn't showing any symptoms in September, and that's because her child was conceived in late August. The next two chapters are up, and I'd love to hear what you think of the progression! :D


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Review #10, by Calypso  Part One: Before

27th May 2013:
Wow, this was amazing!

Your writing style is simply beautiful- I love the way it flows. The scene at the beginning, on the cliff completely hooked me- which I think can be difficult to do with description. It was so vivid and so forceful- I could really feel Victoire's anguish in it.
I also loved the way you brought up the issue of women having to deal with unplanned pregnancies in a way that men don't. It was quite subtle, but no less impactful for it, and I think Victoire's anger and frustration about it are totally understandable. I felt so sorry for her! And the metaphor where her house became a courtroom was stunning.

I loved the contrast between her attitude to Teddy in that first scene, and her atttitude to him in the scene of Platform 9 and 3/4. Your wrote their kiss so prettily :) I liked that you worked in the fact that he's a metamorphmagus, as often people seem to sort of forget that when writing about him. And James was so cute! I thought that Teddy's response to him was great as well. You also brought across the irony of all Victoire's hopes and love for Teddy really well in that scene- again making the contrast with the first part all the more painful...!

One of the things that really struck me about this story is how beautifully and realistically your portray Victoire- to me, she seems to behave just like a normal teenage girl. You've done a great job of giving her a three dimensional personality- just because she's concerned with her studies it doesn't mean she doesn't want to have a night out with her friends sometimes!
I also liked how you brought across the dynamics between her and friends.

On a slightly separate note, I liked seeing the rather different side to Neville that you portrayed in this- it was interesting to see him as a firm, if still kind, teacher.

I also really liked her outburst in Neville's office- it had the potential to be somewhat cliched, but it really works, I think because you've shown us how out of character it is for, and that she's normally very keen to please, and also because she regrets what she's done almost immediately after. So well done for that!

All in all, I thought this was a wonderful chapter- absolutely beautifully written, realistic and believable. I'll be looking out for updates!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for the late response to this review; future replies will be more prompt, I assure you! ♥

Thank you so much! I'm glad that the opening scene captivated you so much, and that you enjoyed my subtle hints of feminism :P It's great to hear that you liked the courtroom metaphor too!

I felt that the cliffside scene was rather depressing, and I wanted to lighten up the one-shot a little (at the time of writing September, I was convinced that J17 was going to be a one-shot!) and also include a canon scene, so I used what we know from the epilogue but which we didn't explictly see ;)

Ah, yes! I've read a couple of teen pregnancy stories which depict the teenager as getting drunk for the first time and ergo falling pregnant, and while that can be written well, I wanted to show something different - something that represents another type of teenager, since not all teen girls are the same ;) I'm pleased that you're enjoying this aspect - and I agree with you, just because Victoire is Head Girl doesn't mean she's a goody-two-shoes :P

Neville has never struck me as the type of person to turn a blind eye to rule-breaking - just look at him in PS! So I knew he would punish the girls, but in a more refined style than when he was eleven ;)

And yes - I was a bit worried about that, but I wanted to keep Victoire realistic. We've all let our emotions get the better of us once in a while and said something bad and immediately regretted it, which is what's Victoire's doing here. I'm super-happy you thought I kept it away from the cliches, because I want to keep J17 as cliche-free as possible :3

And thank you so much for all of your lovely compliments!

-Isobel ♥


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Review #11, by _relative Part One: Before

24th May 2013:
I was wondering if it was a one-shot about halfway through, and finding out there was more to come made me cheer.

I like the tone of this. You've captured the essence of tragedy without angsting. (A teen pregnancy story with no angst? What?)

I liked that Neville turned them in. I really liked that. Too often it seems like the students get passes for rulebreaking just because the teacher is a family friend or something. And while that can be plausible sometimes, with Neville? *raises eyebrow* I'm glad you kept him in character.

And I loved the bit about the Marauders Map, Harry knowing James had it but letting him go on anyway. It reminds me of Remus' attitude towards it with Harry. They're both troublemakers at heart, and even though Remus is a pretty responsible adult, he still has that attitude towards the younger generation, that they need to be allowed to explore and discover on their own. I like that Harry has that, too. And I'm going into all this based on some tiny line, but that's just how much I liked it :P

That's how I feel about most of your characterisation, actually. It seems simple but it speaks volumes about people. That's my favourite kind. I love your characters already.

This has a natural flow, and I am all about the flow. It's easy to read, but it still requires thought, and it surprises you pleasantly at every turn. Or me, at least.

More? Please? Soon?

Author's Response: True story: this /was/ originally a one-shot. Then I started writing and I couldn't stop, and it's ended up a novella. Yikes. I'm glad that you're excited for more though :D

Absolutely! I adore keeping things canon, and Neville has never struck me as someone who would break the rules without a valid reason. I really like your comparison of Harry to Remus, although I feel like Neville is also like Remus. In my headcanon, if any of the Weasleys came to him asking for advice (or any student tbqh) he would help them, but in his opinion rules are rules and they must be obeyed. I don't mind your deep analysis of that one line, I like it too :P

I'm excited to hear that you like my characterization, especially as I want to keep the characters true to themselves and to the situation they're in. I'm really pleased that the flow is surprising you too :)

More has arrived. More is coming.

Thank you for reviewing! :D


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Review #12, by Lululuna Part One: Before

24th May 2013:
Hi! I liked this a lot, and the character of Victoire. I find she's usually portrayed as being either really ditzy or stuck up, and this Victoire is a lot more than a beauty queen. She's hardworking, and ambitious, and emotional and feisty and resourceful and I really like her! :)

I liked the beginning, and Vic's anger that Teddy doesn't have to handle the consequences of her pregnancy in the same way she does. Teen pregnancy gets glorified a lot in fan fiction, and you've done a good job of confronting the reality of what it really means for the mother and the stigma and financial difficulties she has to deal with. I especially loved the line about making love and becoming hell, it was the perfect transition into the love-struck Vic of the past. :)

I loved how you tied in the events of the epilogue- silly James barging in on Vic and Teddy. It really emulated the essence of James we see in the epilogue. I also thought it was original how Freddie ratted them out, while he's often portrayed as the next Fred and George, it was very fresh. I cringed for poor Vic when getting caught red-handed by Neville- how embarrasing! :P

Great job with this, I really enjoyed it! :)

Author's Response: Hi! I'm really glad that you like my Victoire, and that she's very different from the one usually portrayed in FF - that's what I set out to do and it's fabulous to hear that I've achieved it! :D

THANK YOU SO MUCH. From the very beginning, I've been trying so hard to make this story as realistic as possible and I'm really glad that you feel I've done a good job. ♥ And thank you - I quite like that line myself! :D

Hehe. This story is quite sad, so James has provided comic relief, in my opinion. :P It's great that you think I characterized him well :) In my headcanon, if someone was pulling a prank and invited Freddie to join in, he probably would, but he wouldn't go out of his way to plan and execute one. (Roxanne does that :P) In this case, Freddie reported Victoire and her friends missing because he was genuinely worried about them. And yep - although she did break the rules, so she did deserve it :3

Thank you so much! ♥


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Review #13, by patronus_charm Part One: Before

24th May 2013:
Hi Katie!

In my head canon I always imagined Victoire to be the rebel and slightly depressed/unstable one so to find her pregnant and her finding her life cold and empty was great. Teen pregnancy stories are my guilty pleasure, and I have a good feeling about this one. It seems different for some reason and I think that might be due to Victoire and Teddy actually being together v. a party in the Gryffindor common room.

Another thing I really liked about this was what Victoire thought of Teddy and how she was sort of bitter towards him. I thought it was interesting how she got the abuse and he didnít and it was really true of how people judge one another and my heart really went out to Victoire at that point.

I really loved the flashback to the kissing scene as it really showed how far their relationship had come over the time. The idea of Teddyís hair turning pink when embarrassed was great and it made a change from the pink cheeks. I also loved Jamesí reaction to it, he was such a cute boy and he reminded me of my own younger relatives who also come by and annoy you when you least want them around.

It was nice to see an adventurous side to Victoire and it definitely did make a break from her being the good head girl. I really liked the sound of her friends, especially Kylieís reaction when they told her they were going Ďstudyingí. I have to say that the mixture of different time periods worked really well here and I didnít get confused at all, which isnít something I can say for all stories.

Iím starting to see how Victoire may have ended up pregnant now. I seriously didnít expect Neville to turn up at the concert and I felt so bad for her when he did. I suppose she should have known better being head girl and all but if someone wants to have fun once in a while thereís no harm done. Her reaction to Neville was quite unexpected and I canít wait to see if thereís any reason behind it.

That was a really great first chapter, Katie, and Iím looking forward to the next!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! ♥

I'm glad that you have a good feeling about this story and that you find it different to most teenage pregnancy stories, as I want to make Victoire's story as realistic as I can. That includes the viewpoint of strangers who judge them differently; who ostracize Victoire but are more easy going on Teddy when they're both equally to blame for the situation.

Hehe. This is quite a sad story, so James and Kylie are providing some comic relief before I start sending endless feels your way :P Teddy's hair colour changing came from Tonks, because when she was heartbroken her hair changed to mousy brown without her choice, so I figured it had to be the same for the other emotions.

Victoire certainly does have an adventurous side! I wanted to show that despite the fact she's a Head Girl, she's also a teenager and she wants to have fun. Poor Neville, having to reprimand her. IMO, Victoire's reaction to Neville was down to a combination of her frustration, her hormones and Scarlett's bad influence.

Thank you for such a lovely review ♥


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Review #14, by adluvshp Part One: Before

22nd May 2013:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums!

This seems like a great start to your four-part story =) I like your plot, of Victoire being pregnant and being 'shunned' by the society, and feeling resentment that no one is treating Teddy any differently. It is something different from the usual pregnancy fics and I like that.

I also enjoy the backstory/flashbacks you're giving us about the situation before the first scene of the story.

Victoire seems to be characterised well, along with her two friends. The whole concept of the band was quite good too, as it reflects the teenage hype we have about bands even in the muggle world. Her reaction to finding out that Fred ratted her out, and then to Neville's 'lecture' was also quite realistic, especially for a seventeen year old who's most probably pregnant. I liked the note you ended this on, as well, since it made me curious to read further, and it also showed that Victoire was aware that something was wrong.

As for your concerns, I definitely find the plot original, and that as well as Victoire's reactions realistic so far. It is all quite believable so good job =)

As for CC, I don't have much for you, except for a few minor things. The opening sentence of the story mentions "the wind blowing her violently" which I believe should be "the wind blowing around her violently" or something like that? Since if the wind were to blow her, she'd probably be flying xP Also, a couple of times you mentioned the phrase "off of something" (like 'off off the cliff's edge'). If I am not mistaken, you don't need the second 'of'. It should just be "off the cliff's edge" =) Those are all the grammar nitpicks I have. As for story wise, I think you're doing a good job with everything, be it characterisation, plot, pace, flow, descriptions, and writing style. It is all nicely done!

So, great work all in all. I quite liked reading this, so feel free to re-request for the next chapter. Please keep writing.

9/10
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi Aditi! Sorry for the delay in responding to your review, real life has been hectic! :(

It's superb to hear that you like this story! Although I've now written and added an epilogue, so this story is now a five-part novella. Eeep.

I wanted to emphasise that she was a teenage girl despite her Head Girl position, and that she's not above breaking rules, and I'm pleased that that came across well. I've never thought of Neville as being the type of professor to turn a blind eye to his friends' children, so it's fabulous that you liked him here! :D

Oooh, thanks for spotting that! The mistakes have been fixed - I appreciate you letting me know they were there! XD

Thank you!

-Katie ♥


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Review #15, by teh tarik Part One: Before

21st May 2013:
BAHAHAHA I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE A SHORT STORY!!11!

Ahem.

Hullo Katie ♥

So yeah, I've read a version of this (and really enjoyed it too) and I'm so glad that you've started posting this story to the archives :) As you probably know, teen preg in fanfic is not always done well, is sometimes fluffed up unrealistically, and as Toujours Padfoot mentioned in her blog post - it's something that is all too often used as a plot device to bump along a romance between characters who initially have little interest in each other / little chance of getting together. So good on you for attempting to write this with some sensitivity.

Gaah, I ♥ little pesky James. Soo KYOOT. And the way Teddy reacts to him! Telling the kid off for interrupting him and Tory kissing. There are quite a few details that I loved about this fic - the bit about The Marauders Map, and the girls navigating together through the dark castle - you didn't gloss over this part which is great, because after all, it is the first time Victoire and Alaina are sneaking out after hours. Not sure about Scarlett, though :P Ooh, I mentioned this before, but the bit about her dad - Mundungus - (probably illegally) procuring concert tickets for her and her mates is SO hilarious. I seriously cannot wait to see how you'll develop Mundungus' character in your other story. I've never come across Mundungus in fanfic, and I'm guessing it's because he wasn't the most likable of characters in the books. Also, he's kind of unsexy :P

I ADORE NEVILLE. I REALLY LOVED THAT BIT WITH HIM. I felt bad for Victoire and her mates that they'd gone to so much trouble and yet were forced to abandon their plans for the night...but I also felt really bad for Neville. He's after all a close family friend, and there's always that awkwardness having to discipline the children of your friends. He's just so calm and authoritative and yet at the same time I could feel that he genuinely cared for the girls, for their well-being and safety. NEville's just that kind of guy, you know? OMG I WANT TO WRITE A GROWN-UP NEVILLE FIC NOW HALP. Ah, I know you've probably got the whole story written out now...but I'm hoping against hope that Neville will have a bigger role here, that he and Victoire will reach some sort of understanding and that he'll perhaps be of some comfort to her when everyone finds out she's pregnant and starts to shun her and all. OMG. I ♥ Neville. Grown-up Neville is so aljsfhljasfgfg.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this! I can't wait for the rest of the fic to come out ♥ And of course I'm so happy to see you posting fics again ^.^ Keep being fabulous, Katie :D

teh ♥

Author's Response: Ugh. I'm so sorry for the wait in responding to this, but I'm hoping that the 7k second chapter with all the feels helped to appease you ;)

AND IT'S A NOVELLA NOW WAH *sobs* ♥

Yep, and I think I already mentioned that it was Toujours Padfoot's blog that started the whole idea of writing a realistic teen pregnancy story in the first place (as well as /that/ story we discussed in our PMs). As always, I love that you're finding this novella (gah) realistic, because I'm trying to avoid those clich√ɬ©s you mentioned ♥

Teehee, absolutely! I couldn't not include James, especially as he provides some light-heartedness in a rather sad story. Also, I wanted to depict Victoire and Teddy's relationship when they were just young teenagers, and using a canon moment helped to establish that :) Yesyesyes, I was initially worried about the story being overly long, but then I realized how much it helped Victoire's characterization so I decided to keep it.

MUNDUNGUS. ♥ He may be unsexy, but he knows how to charm people - how else does he manage to get such low prices for illegal goods? ;) And NEVILLE. ♥ I hated having Victoire swear at him, but it was necessary because she picked up Scarlett's language and bad habits and that, combined with her hormones, resulted in the beginning of her unravelling. *hugs* HEHEHEHE. I'd read your grown-up Neville fic! :D And as you know, I haven't completed the story yet (the length is ridiculous for what was originally intended to be a one-shot) so perhaps Neville will recur. PERHAPS. ♥

YOU'RE the one who needs to keep being fabulous ;)



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Review #16, by ValWitch21 Part One: Before

20th May 2013:
But Katie, I can't afford to read another of your stories! They tend to meddle with my brain, and I've got a feeling this one won't be any different.

I'm really excited to read this, and I wish I could leave a longer review but physics homework awaits me...

I'm favouriting this and keeping tabs on it though &hearts

Author's Response: Tehehehe :P The good thing about this, though, is that it won't mess with your head too much :D (Although I can't speak for the impending feels...)

Ugh, physics homework. I remember physics homework was my bane of my existence :3

And yay! I can't wait to read your next review! ♥


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Review #17, by Erised Part One: Before

20th May 2013:
Hi there! I love me some short stories so I thought I'd review :)

Firstly, can I just say how awesome your story description was even before I'd read anything? It might just be me but I was totally intrigued to read on. I suck at story summaries (so cliche) so well done.

As first chapters go this was great! I loved the beginning with the quite haunting and sad setting and tone. Even though Teddy/Victoire and pregnancy are two things in fanfiction that are prone to being overdone, the beginning made it less cliche which is great.

I also liked how there were perhaps little signs of a pregnancy that at first would be ignored. I was actually kind of annoyed at Neville for interrupting them because you're so right, there is nothing for seventh years to do! I hadn't even thought about it much before.

Great start here, can't wait for the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Hi! That's great, and your unexpected review made my day! :D

Oooh, that's fabulous to hear! It's always nice to know that your summary is successful at drawing people in to read your story! :P

And I'm glad to hear that you loved my beginning! I agree that teenage pregnancy can be cliché, and I've been trying to avoid those clichés and actually write a realistic story :)

And yeah, most seventeen-year-olds wouldn't instantly think "pregnant" when confronted with sickness or headaches or the other symptoms I mentioned. But still, they /had/ to be there because the odds of having a pregnancy with zero symptoms are 1/1000 ;D And yeah, but Neville /was/ doing his job, and the girls /were/ breaking the school rules. Perhaps from now on Hogwarts will give the seventh-years activities to do to avoid future pregnant students?! :P

Thank you for reviewing - the second chapter is already up, and the third is coming soon! :)


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