6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfan Alone Again

18th June 2013:
Hello! More reviews yay!
So this chapter. I really liked the way you portrayed the feelings of loneliness - Bellatrix watching from the other side of the fence, walking silently down the corridor in the house, her parents being overprotective and stifling, etc. That was really well done. I also liked how the tapestry room is such a big deal and that Bella as a little kid is not allowed in there - it makes sense for a family so proud of their lineage that they wouldn't want anything to happen to the tapestry haha.

I have some CC, if that's okay - one thing you might want to work on is the characterisation. Bella doesn't seem quite real to me; at times she seems innocent and caught up in what her parents tell her, but twice you mentioned her smile being sadistic or malicious, and it's kind of conflicting with the innocent, lonely girl you portray her as in other parts of the chapter. She rather cruelly thinks Andromeda deserved punishment, but then Bella hangs around watching the Muggles innocently. It was just a rather odd flip-flop in her personality. (Unless you intended it to be that way because Bella is young and doesn't know who she is yet, in which case ignore me!)

[Also, off topic: I saw on your author page that you wanted a banner for your other fic. I can make banners (though i'm not on tda) so let me know if you want me to make one - and if so, what you want on it, haha]

Author's Response: Thank you so, so much for being such a consistent, good reviewer! I appreciate it a lot.
Anyway, yes, I see what you mean about my characterisation. See, I'm a young, newbish author- we'll say I'm too young to be reading my own, as it's rated M- and I'm still working on stuff like that. Reading over it, I definitely understand that that's something I need to work on. I suppose I /sort of/ intended her personality to be uneven, but not to the extent that it ended up being.
On the topic of banners, I re-read over the rules and realized that my fic idea for the story being in letter form is not allowed. So, I /really/ appreciate your offer, but I've gotten rid of the story.

Thanks again,
MagykNargle


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Review #2, by marauderfan A Little Sisterly Love

25th May 2013:
I liked this chapter. I thought Bellatrix's obsession with needing to have Narcissa around and have her approval at all times was particularly good - it's like an early indicator of the obsessive sycophantic Death Eater she becomes when everything she does is for Voldemort.

One thing I did wonder however - maybe this was just my imagination but I always thought Bellatrix was the oldest of the Black sisters and Narcissa was the youngest, and that Sirius was several years behind her. (But I don't actually know.) Unless you made them the ages they are for a reason, in which case I'll zip the lip. Anyway, great chapter! This is looking really good so far :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing again! It means a lot to me.

Err, yes. You're very right. I do have an accurate version of the Black family tree, complete with most birth dates... but for this story's purposes I decided to make Bella the youngest. I'm trying to keep everything as close as possible to how it's supposed to be, but I figured I could afford a bit of a mess up on the ages. Hope you don't mind too terribly! ^^
Once again, thanks for reading and reviewing!
-MagykNargle


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Review #3, by bailey olek Prologue

20th May 2013:
meh i guess it was kind of boring

Author's Response: That's okay. Thanks for reviewing and reading, anyway! I'll be posting more soon, but it's up to you if you want to continue. Thanks again!

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Review #4, by MotherofEvaL Prologue

20th May 2013:
A well-written and intriguing beginning. I look forward to reading the rest of the story.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

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Review #5, by marauderfan Prologue

19th May 2013:
This is a great start. I never saw Bellatrix as the type to be friends with Muggles when she was young - I always imagined she (along with the rest of her family) was brainwashed into the pureblood supremacy idea at an early age and had no desire to be friendly to Muggles, but then again, we don't really know anything about what she was like then. Certainly odd to read about her caring about a Muggle, knowing how she turned out later!
Basically, I think this is a really interesting and original idea for a story. I'll be interested to see where you take this!

Author's Response: Thank you! I know it's a sort of weird idea, but I'm having fun with it, so I'm pleased to hear that others are actually interested. I've submitted the first chapter; it should be up any time now. Thanks again,
-MagykNargle


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Review #6, by Peevesie Prologue

18th May 2013:
I really liked this opening - it gives a brilliant taster into the mind of Bellatrix (something which couldn't have been easy to figure out because of how she's seen in the books) and I think it's really sweet.

I must say I cannot wait to see where this story goes as it's so intriguing already.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I literally woke up one morning and thought, Hey! What if Bellatrix Lestrange was best friends with a muggle? And then I sat down and started writing. ^^
I've got the first few chapters written, so the next update should come within a few days. Thanks for being my first ever review!


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