Reading Reviews for How I Met Your Father
  
93 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lady Asphodel: Gryffie CTF - Round 3 *Attack* Chapter 7: Who's the Father?

6th April 2015:
For the Gryffie CTF - Round 3 *Attack*


It's good that Rose have supportive friends, especially in this time of need. Now I fear how her parents (Especially Ron) will take the news.


The mac and cheese - I love mac and cheese, but with ketchup - no. Just no. lol.



I can see how much of a big shock it was for Lia and Dom to find out that Scorpius is the dad. Although, I assume, that Ron and Hermione (or maybe mostly Ron) won't have the same type of reaction or level of acceptance.

I wonder if the ultra sound is similar to muggles way of ultra-sounding, or you have a magical way in mind.


I think this story would do nicely if you add more description. I mean like... delve into the scenery, sense of taste, smell, sound and touch at some points at the right time.


This is still a nice chapter though!

- Asphodel

Author's Response: Alishya! You came back!

Yeah, though, as a forewarning, mostly everyone else doesn't react so well...

MAC AND CHEESE WITH KETCHUP IS AWESOME! I don't know why I like it so much, but it seems like a weird enough thing for a pregnant woman to crave, right?

I wasn't creative enough to come up with a better magical form of ultrasounds, so I was super lame and put it off for a little bit by saying that Madam Bones only had a Muggle version. Kinda sad huh? I need to work on that.

Good to know about needing to add a little bit more description! I think I'm definitely a tad dialogue heavy, and prefer to write that than descriptions, so I'll have to do some practicing and get some edits in!

Thanks again Alishya! You are such a great reviewer!!
LL


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Review #2, by krazyboutharryginny - round #3 Chapter 6: Betting and Quidditch

6th April 2015:
Aw no! It's about time that all those emotions came out, but I still feel bad for poor Rose.
I love the character of Valeria. She amuses me and I hope we'll get to see more of her. You should maybe consider doing a story centering around her!
That was brilliant thinking on Lia's part, blackmailing James XD Nice one! I hope he doesn't get too suspicious and figure it out though.
I do think this is a little bit rushed though, just at the end. You should maybe add more in terms of Dom and Lia's reactions, because it feels kind of thin. Just a thought :)
-Kayla

Author's Response: Kayla,

Told you the freak out would come eventually! Although this isn't nearly as bad as it will later.

Remember Harry's freak out in OOTP? Yeah, the one that seemed like it should have come WAY earlier (in my opinion)? Rose sorta does the same thing.

I do have a couple of one-shots about her...but I think I'll wait on those until this story is complete, since there's spoilers in them!!

And once again, she nails it with the CC's!! Seriously, thanks for pointing that out!

A pleasure as always Kayla!
LL


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Review #3, by Lady Asphodel - Gryffie CTF Round 3 Chapter 6: Betting and Quidditch

6th April 2015:
For the Gryffie CTF Round 3 *Attack*


Ahh this line, "fall in ‘like’", is so cute! Haha.


I was a little confused at first reading the beginning (but then I remembered the prologue.)


Not sure if you got that line from HIMYM or if you came up with it yourself. Either way, it's a nice touch. ;)


I am enjoying reading the relationship between Rose, Ava, Dom, and Alice. The rules of the bet is also a really cool idea!



*reads on*

Wow! I guess this is what happens when I don't get to read the other chapters. I was greatly surprised to learn Rose is pregnant. *Thinks back* Oh wow... When Scorpius said that she was bearing his child to Albus (even though he was joking to Rose) I honestly thought he was joking. *Face-palms.* Hopefully the others on the Quidditch team don't give Rose much hassle.


*reads on*


Oh.. I see Rose's friends finds out anyway. Teen pregnancy is most common, especially at parties.

Honestly reading this really gives me a a slight more different perspective on the next-gen characters.


Very intriguing indeed!


- Asphodel

Author's Response: Alishya!

Wow, to jump from the prologue to this...I can get why you'd be a little confused!!

The "fall in like" thing is totally me. It comes from my inner cheese factory.

The basic idea of the betting between Rose and Scorpius comes from HIMYM. The couple that I definitely base them off of does something sort of like that, except they don't have the non-interference rule. :)

Thankfully Scorpius was joking. If he hadn't been, I think Al would have had more of a reaction, don't you?

Thanks for R&R'ing, and I hope that you come back and read some more again!
LL


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Review #4, by krazyboutharryginny - round #3 Chapter 5: Gossip

6th April 2015:
Whew! I'm so relieved that Scorpius didn't really tell Al. That would have been a jerk move.
Rose is so clever for disguising the book like that! And it's so nice that Scorpius wants to borrow it.
It was funny at the beginning of the chapter when Rose forgot that she didn't like mac and cheese! I can't believe she managed to wiggle her way out of that situation.
Lily is SUCH a fourteen year old in this! It's pretty hilarious!
-Kayla

Author's Response: Kayla! (Stop leaving me so many nice reviews! It's making me blush!)

Hehehee. Gives you an idea of his sense of humour doesn't it? Scorpius does the whole "not-totally-sure-if-you're-joking-or-not" brand of humour really well.

Mac and Cheese. One of my favorite foods, but I totally hated it when I was younger. I forgot one day and just started eating it. The looks my parents gave me...that's what I imagine when I think about this scene.

Fourteen is a terrible age when you experience it, or when you look back on it. But observing it? I agree, totally hilarious! And Lily just seemed like the perfect person to do the over-dramatic typical teenage girl thing with.

Thanks again Kayla! Your reviews never fail to make me smile!!
LL


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Review #5, by missesweasley123 - round 3 Prologue

6th April 2015:
Hey! Wow, what an interesting start to a story. It really is great! As I've never seen the tv show how I met your mother, this whole concept is very new and interesting to me :P It's not awfully long, but just the right amount of information for a great hook. Good job on that.

This is mostly dialogue heavy, so if you were to go back and edit, I would recommend adding some description. Whether it's through emotions or just describing the setting.. it'll overall create a stronger sell of a prologue! You've given just the right amount of character hints to the readers, and that works really well for you though! I'm really excited to see how this takes off! ♥ I also love the name Valania! Reminds me of a friend. Also, Scorpius is absolutely adorable with Rose!! Great work.

Accio Attackers Round 3

Author's Response: Nadia!

So glad you finally made it to this story! Less cringe worthy no?

I like that I managed to give enough info to give a good hook, I really worked hard on that!

I've gotten a couple of comments on adding some extra description before, so I think I'm definitely going to have to do a little bit of editing for this chapter!

Thanks for R&R'ing Nadia, you're comments are ALWAYS appreciated!!
LL


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Review #6, by Lady Asphodel *Attack* [CTF - Round 3] Chapter 5: Gossip

6th April 2015:
Hey Lizzie! *Attack* [CTF - Round 3]


Forgive me for not knowing much since I'm already past four of your chapters without reading them.



Anyways, I wonder (again because I have only read the prologue) if James really over his gf or is actually moving on.


And then there's Fred and Lia. I wonder if they'll get together like how Dom mentions it. :P


And Lily, Lily, wow, I'm surprised by her behavior. I always imagined her to be humble like Harry, but your take on her (in this chapter at least) was a twist or an eye-opener for me.


Scorpius gathers up the nerves to ask Rose out, hehe. I like the interaction between them two. They have a nice banter between them. I always love banters.




Again, sorry for the crappy review. I enjoyed this chapter though.



- Asphodel

Author's Response: Alishya!

Don't apologize! It wasn't a crappy review at all! I like all reviews! Even if they only say "I like pancakes" in them. Because, honestly, who doesn't like pancakes?

James is over his girlfriend. I can honestly say that. There's a reason too...it comes in the form of another girl...

Speaking of! Fred and Lia. HA! That's good, I'm glad you agree with Dom...maybe she's right, maybe she's wrong...

Oh Lily. I think she's much more like Ginny than Harry. Although this moment with her is truly the height of a particularly angsty phase. She gets over it when she gets really badly hurt at some point.

I like their banter too! I always worry that it doesn't come off right, so it's good to know that I'm getting something right!

Thanks for R&R'ing Alishya! You're supercool!
LL


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Review #7, by krazyboutharryginny - round #3 Chapter 4: A Close Call and a...Kiss?

6th April 2015:
Jailbreak!
Aw, it sucks that it hurts for Rose to laugh. That's a sad thing. Like she said, it should never hurt to laugh :(
It's so funny that James managed to hurt himself in such an unimpressive way.
Okay, I believe that I've mentioned this before, but it would be good to see some more negative emotions from Rose and Scorpius. I find it a little strange how collected they are about it. We haven't really seen them process it properly yet. Maybe that will come in a later chapter?
That said, I do like the development of their relationship, and that Scorpius accompanied her to the hospital wing.
-Kayla

Author's Response: Kayla,

Oh, it's one of those, laugh-so-much-your-stomach-aches, laughs. Actually, quite a good calorie burner.

But I agree, laughing should never hurt.

Rose and Scorpius' relationship definitely develops quickly, and I think out of necessity for their situation...BUT, there's a reason why there's not a lot of negative emotions coming from them.

They're in denial, and reality hasn't hit yet. :D

Thanks for R&R'ing!! Hope you read more and don't get frustrated!
LL


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Review #8, by randomwriter Chapter 3: Fred's Got a Secret

6th April 2015:
*attack*

Wow. I'm marathon-ing your work, right Lizzie? ;)

So, what can I say about this chapter? (Seriously, my fingers feel like they're about to fall off from all this typing).

Anyway, one thing that I'd really like to say again (forgive me, I'm sure I sound like a parrot) is that Rose is definitely acting less freaked out than she should be. She's only sixteen, and getting pregnant is sort of a big deal. So I'd like to see a lot more chaos on that side of things. :p

Coming to James and Fred, I'm a bit weary of the whole butterflies prank. I seriously hope they were dead first. I'd hate it if he killed them and then pinned them to her bedpost!

Fred seems pretty cool. I think it was sweet, the way he went into over-protective bug brother mode with Roxanne. The blood and dung thing sounded disgusting. And it's sad too, the reason. She should be able to go out with whoever she likes.

The ending was a complete surprise. You literally dropped a bombshell on us! I never expected Fred to like Alice. This certainly puts a new spin on things!

Since I need to get a move on, I can't elaborate on everything, but some of my CC stands. In addition to that, I'd like to see you write the characters in a more well-rounded manner, if that makes sense. Everything seems a bit too perfect right now.

Sorry I'm hurrying, but there is no choice at the moment. SERIOUSLY, where IS the damn flag? :p I'll see you soon on another chapter, most likely. :p

Author's Response: Hehehehe! Hi Adi!

*more parroting* Yup. Rose'll freak out. Don't worry. It's intentional, I promise. It's going to reach a point where REAL chaos reigns and everything goes to hell.

Basically, reality is a *bleep*.

Fred didn't do anything for the prank with the butterflies! Why does everyone include him in that? That was all JAMES!

Fred's not THAT mean. I mean, he didn't put those boys in detention. He doesn't have the heart to be that mean. Mischievous? Yes. Mean? No.

And yes, the butterflies were dead. (He stole them from someone's collection - can't say, spoilers!)

Mm, Fred and Alice, Alice and Albus...ah, wait till later. Some serious...ahem...stuff, is going to go down.

Ah! You caught that it's all a little TOO PERFECT. Yup. Also intentional.

Thanks for the reviews Adi! I'm glad you're still reading!
LL


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Review #9, by randomwriter Chapter 4: A Close Call and a...Kiss?

6th April 2015:
*attack post*

Hahaha, Lizzie! Your author's note. LOL. Thankfully, I will not be doing any consulting. So that really wasn't much of a cliffhanger for me.

Moving on to the chapter, I really enjoyed this one in particular. I suspect it has a lot to do with all the Scorpius/Rose interaction. I love them too much, and I love that they're already so sweet with each other! I still do think that Scorpius could freak out a little bit though. But well, it's your story. :p

I like how easy going they both are with each other. Conversation is flowing quite easily and they seem to be very comfortable with each other, which is always a good thing. Especially because they're having a baby, you know? :p One thing I would note is that they seem way to knowledgeable about their position and their options, which I suspect wouldn't be the case even for pregnant couples their age. If you could add some confusion or some sort of uncertainty, it would make this more realistic.

The part with James really cracked me up. The infamous James Potter, no match for a flight of stairs! And Scorpius made a really clever save there. I was impressed!

I absolutely adored the last section, but I wish you hadn't ended it so soon. It was adorable, and especially vivid. The idea of the list is very unique. I don't think I've read it before. It's a really nice idea though, and I like it. I can guess what #1 could be though ;) Also, is Lia going to get together with James?

Anyhoo, can't stick around for too long right now. Good job again, Lizzie, and I'll see you when we capture the flag ♥

Author's Response: Adi! *happy dances*

I'm so VERY happy you didn't need to do any consulting. It's good to know you've got the birds and the bees figured out.

Hmmm...I'm gonna have to think about them knowing so much about their options. I guess I'm basing their knowledge on what I knew at 16, you know? We had a really intensive sex ed program the first year of high school, so by 16, I knew a LOT. Maybe you're right..more questions, less answers.

Scorpius' freak out...I dunno, it just doesn't fit him. Well...the freakout that I have in my head happens much earlier, which won't get explained until later in the story (because I like doing things in the wrong order).

This is the chapter where I tell everyone that maybe not everything is as it seems. Hehehehehe.

Ah, James. A complete idiot. A lovable fool. Grade A jerk. He's a lot of things, and most make me laugh.

The last section is the most important part! That's why it's so short! Once again...maybe everything is not what it seems!

I do like the list though. I need to remember to bring that back.

Lia and James. Oh, that's a fun adventure. ;)

Thanks again for your reviews Adi! They make me smile every time!
LL


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Review #10, by krazyboutharryginny - round #3 Chapter 3: Fred's Got a Secret

6th April 2015:
Wow, I'm really not sure how I feel about James and Fred here. They seem kind of funny, and nice to their family, but they're also sort of jerks. (No offense...) Pranking can be fun and funNY, but I'm of the firm opinion that doing things you know will really upset people (like pranking them with things they're scared of) is mean and not funny at all :/
One little thing about this is that I don't think Rose would be so carefree and, well, her usual self having just found out that she's pregnant. She's only sixteen and is still at school, after all. I understood your explanation, that she was just happy to know for sure, but it still didn't ring true for me. I dunno, just my opinion.
I still like this though, and I'm interested to see what happens with Scorpius :)
-Kayla

Author's Response: MORE KAYLA?!

YES!

Yeah, James and Fred are jerks. Always have been, always will. It's just one of those things I can't really get myself to change about them.

Fred is admittedly less of a jerk than James is. Fred didn't stick butterflies to Lia's bed. That was ALL James.

That is also what affectionally comes to be known as "The Battle of The Whomping Willow" -- Which should tell you that James gets his comeuppance, just as seriously as his prank gone wrong upset Lia. She's not the kind of person who'd let that go.

Rose being a little TOO carefree is intentional, which I guess seems odd. But really, it's just setting the tone of how she'll be until reality comes to hit her in the face with a baseball bat. Because, as they say, Ignorance is Bliss.

Thanks again for reviewing Kayla!
LL


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Review #11, by krazyboutharryginny - round #3 Prologue

6th April 2015:
Whoops, I missed this the first time around! I was able to understand chapter 1 just fine without it, but this is a very nice little prologue and set the tone going into chapter 1.
Since Rose seems to be hesitant about telling the story, I think that you should include a tiny bit more of her wrestling with herself about it. Just some inner dialogue, or maybe a bit of a longer conversation with Scorpius. It's up to you, though, and works either way.
I also like the affection that is clear between Scorpius and Rose here. Very nicely done.
-Kayla

Author's Response: Kayla! You're all over my stories! So many awesome reviews! *Hugs!*

Ooh! How do you do that?!?! Such a good point!

Hm...must rethink...

I'll get back to you on that. (I say that a lot to you don't I?)

Thanks again darling!
LL


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Review #12, by awesomepotter - Round 3 Chapter 3: Fred's Got a Secret

6th April 2015:
Hi!
So, continuing on... I'm still really intrigued to find out all of this mystery! I love how you've managed to develop such a wide range of characters so well, though - they're all so different. Sometimes, when an author has to deal with a large range of characters, they can become a bit rushed and therefore one-dimensional. But here we have people like Fred - almost resembling James Potter in the way he seems to be so laid-back about school yet so talented, but secretly fancying his cousin's girlfriend, then Albus who seems a bit rash and like a typical Potter male, but very sweet on the inside and protective of Rose. It;s all so well done and I congratulate you for that - it really brings a story to life and makes it very enjoyable to read.
Again, all the little backstories and memories the characters have really help to add to the whole world and picture you're trying to create. For example, the bit where McGonagall explains why Albus calls her Minnie and bows to her and the part where she talks about creating an aquarium in a corridor. I love those - they really help to authenticate averything and really round out the plot.
Overall, plot flowing well so far and still really loving it! Keep going, it's awesome! I want to see what Scorpius wants now, so I'm gonna go...

Author's Response: Grace!

D'awww! You're so sweet!

I'm SO glad you think that the characters are well developed. There's so much that I've written about each of them outside of what I've published (seriously, I could write whole novels for each of my characters), that I try really hard to make apparent every time I write them here. It's good to know that it's working!!

Especially Al, James and Fred, I think those three are the hardest, because they're all very close in character, but I want to make sure that they all have their own stories to tell and personalities to explore.

Thanks so much for R&R'ing!! You're just amazing!!
LL


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Review #13, by randomwriter Chapter 2: The Hospital Wing

6th April 2015:
*attack*

Hey again Lizzie! I'm back! Just wondering how soon you're going to get sick of me. Just give me the flag already? :p

Haha, okay. Jokes aside. I'm glad I'm back to read more. I just had one small question. I don't know if it's a bit unnecessary, but how exactly does Scorpius have a hunch that Rose is pregnant before she herself knows?

Anyway, that aside, this was a really interesting chapter. As you'd mentioned at the start, it's where things really kick off. I felt so sorry for Rose. She mnust have been so terrified, and what with all the crying and the morning sickness and everything? I can't imagine having to deal with that at the tender age of 16!

I must say that I was a little surprised to see how calm everyone was about it, especially Scorpius. I'd imagine he'd be freaking out the most (apart from Rose). That'd be more realistic. But maybe he's had time to prepare himself since he had suspected it for longer? I don't really know about that :p

I loved Rose's friends. Dom and Lia and really great! Dom was a little too sweet for my liking (meaning that if I met her in real life, I'd probably get a bit ticked off), but her presence really worked well in the story. I really liked Lia though. I can tell that I'd totally get along with her if she was real. Snarky, daring, reckless and a little cunning... sounds good to me!

Al was also really cool. His relationship with Rose fits completely with my headcanon, so that was pretty cool. I'm not the biggest fan of corny nicknames, so I might have hexed him if he'd used something like that on me, but Rose seemed to like it, so well.

Finally, I absolutely loved that reflective section where Rose is just evaluating her position and thinking of what will happen when each of them find out. It was so insightful. I enjoyed that bit.

As for CC, I the stuff I pointed out previously stands. There were also some issues with the dialogue tags. But the main problem for me was that I felt that McGonagall was out of character.

If you want any more details or clarifications, fell free to shoot me a PM. I must move on now, in search of the flag. :p

A pleasure, as always, Lizzie!

Author's Response: Adi!

You're back! I love your reviews! They make me so happy!

Well, to start off...I'm afraid I'll have to tell you that Scorpius suspecting Rose is pregnant before she does is sort of a...complicated scenario. It makes sense later. Although I think I'll have to do some more clarification on that in my edits.

I think Scorpius isn't freaking out as much because it's not really in his character (as I've imagined it). I think you'll find that he's not really one to become particularly flustered or panicky. His way of freaking out involves taking a walk and just thinking quietly for a while.

Rose's panic doesn't set in until MUCH later. Like, it's-way-too-late-for-you-to-be-panicking-about-this-now, later. Once again, I should probably do a little bit of clarification there.

Dom and Lia are some of my favorites! I think of Dom as a bit of a walking contradiction. She's always doing something that contradicts what you already know about her...which sort of keeps you on your toes. But Lia is solid, and doesn't do much changing, but is pretty firm in that snarky character that she is.

Lia is my absolute favorite really. I think I work really hard to give her all my favorite little lines and scenarios. She's loads of fun to write!

Al's corny nicknames...ugh. I don't like them either. Normally Rose would hex him too, but she's too distracted by what's going on to care.

Yeah, McGonagall. She's the reason why this is my second least favorite chapter. I can't seem to get her character right! I'm going to have to do some more editing, and work with my beta...

Thanks again Adi! You're awesome!!
LL


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Review #14, by awesomepotter - Round 3 Prologue

6th April 2015:
Hi!
Oooh, this is interesting. I have to say, I don;t generally read Next Gen stuff at all, but I found this really interesing, and a lovely start to a novel. I thinnk you've created a lovely sense of mystery here - wondering exactly what Rose means when she talks about a boy named Scorpius that isn't Valania's father, and then again why neither Rose nor Scorpius wants to tell people their whole story, not even their own child. This is a great start to a novel - it's interesting, engaging, and has me wanting to carry on, even though - as I said - I don;t usually go for Next Gen. So well done on that one!
I thought they way you managed to create really well-structured characters with some depth to them in such a short prologue was really well done. They're all very well-defined for how short this intro is. For example, we can see that both Rose and Scorpius care a lot about Valantia: they both clearly have an issue with their past and by not telling her the whole story I believe they're trying to protect her.
Overall, an original plot idea that I'm excited to read and delve further into. I've seen stories with a slightly similar plot line to this, but I have a feelnig this one is going to be very different by the mystery you've created already in the prologue. I can't wait to keep reading. Great writing - well done!

Author's Response: Grace!

I totally get it when you say you don't usually read Next Gen. I think everyone has their little niche's. I hardly ever read anything BUT Next Gen!

I think this prologue is my favorite part of the story. I seemed to have done it just right. Which I think most people can't really say about their first chapter (although, it is less than 1,000 words. It can't be too hard to mess up, right?).

The mystery is definitely there for a reason, and I hope I manage to keep it alive throughout the rest of the novel. Let's just say that you're right in there being a very good reason why Rose and Scorpius haven't told Val this story yet, and that they are trying to protect her.

Thanks so much for R&R'ing! You're too sweet!
LL


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Review #15, by krazyboutharryginny - round #3 Chapter 1: The Weasley Clan

6th April 2015:
*jailbreak!*
Hm, I'm not sure how I feel about this story, no offense. I think it has a ton of potential, don't get me wrong. I don't have any problems with the story itself, just with the way it's written. I get what you're trying to do with the italics, but honestly it just confused me. This is probably because the stuff that's not in italics still read like it was being told to someone, not like it was being experienced, if that makes sense? Also, I don't understand why James would be celebrating his 18th birthday so heavily - wouldn't he do that for his 17th?
Please don't be upset by this though - this idea seems like a very good one, and you've got a lot of great stuff going on in this chapter! I love the way you've written Rose, and I love your OC (her daughter).
-Kayla

Author's Response: Kayla!

I take ZERO offense to anything you say about this chapter. Promise! (You're SO good a CC, btw, this is the second time you've pointed out things that I've got to work on and have been TOTALLY right)

I'm actually not a big fan of how this chapter is written either. It's one of two that kind of make me cringe a bit. Eventually this chapter is going to get a major overhaul and will *hopefully* make some more sense. It's the weird transition chapter between Rose talking TO Val and just going through the story from Rose's POV, instead of this weird third person thing I've got going on here...

Ah! James' birthday! Hmmm.you're the first person to point that out, and I'm really glad you did! I hadn't thought about that before! *Adds to edit list* I'll get back to you on that one.

Thanks for R&R'ing Kayla! You're reviews are SUPER helpful (how do you do that? I wish I was that helpful)
LL


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Review #16, by randomwriter Chapter 1: The Weasley Clan

6th April 2015:
*attack*

hey Lizzie! Having read the first chapter of this, I knew that I would be back for the second one at some point. Unfortunately, I can't be as detailed as I'd like since we're looking for a flag at the moment. But I'm willing to trade ;) Give me the flag, and I'll leave you the review I want to. *sigh*

Okay, so I was quite amused and surprised that vania hadn't actually figured it out. The math isn't too hard to do :p Maybe she trusted her parents that much. Lol.

I love your little introduction of each character. It's like a crash course in nextgen, or a brief refresher :p I also love how you described Charlie. He's always the coolest, isn't he? ;) I also absolutely love that Fred II was born on Fool's Day, though it does break my heart a little. I'm never going to get over Fred's death!

I love how vania has these little quips in between to keep her mother from digressing too much. It's so typical of any mother-daughter interaction! I definitely chuckled a bit. I especially loved the bit where Rose childishly badmouths Lucy and Molly. It's so common in nextgen fics, but it's funny how you brought it out here. I also really like the descriptions you've given of each of the grandchildren. It gives us a glimpse into their dynamic.

Al squared couple. HAHAHA. I laughed at that too. Seriously, Lizzie, you cracked me up in so many places that if I keep listing them all out, I'm going to run out of space.

“Wait? A rivalry? Between Gramps and Grandfather? But they love hanging out together! They’re always joking and having a good time!” Val looked shocked. WHAT!!
I was so shocked at this bit, seriously!

That ending was so sweet! The kiss bit :) Oh gosh, I'm really enjoying this story, Lizzie!

As for CC, I'll try to wrap this up quickly.
-there was some confusion with who/whom
-I spotted some grammatical and punctuation errors, which you can fix with the help of your post-beta ;)
-The tenses ended up intermingling a little bit when they weren't supposed to.

In addition to this, I suggest you add some more description. Your dialogue is set though :) Great work! ♥

Author's Response: ADI!

You're the bomb dot com. Have I ever mentioned that? 'Cause you are.

Val has never really done the math because she's always been told that she was born after they graduated from Hogwarts, and (being a typical teenager) she doesn't actually remember what years her parents were born in, so she didn't do the math as to how old they were when she was born. Also, there's a reason why nobody else, in the family or otherwise, has told her (why? not telling! You'll have to read on, sorry!)

I definitely wanted there to be some sort of crash course on the extended Weasley family here, but I think it still comes off as a bit much...I think there will be some editing that will happen, which will be a good time to fix some of the other errors you mentioned!!

Fred II being born on April fools actually comes from Rowling, I can't lay claim to that one. Can't remember where I got that. Maybe Pottermore? Maybe I'm imagining things.

The more I've written of this story, the more I've found Val has to say. Originally, I had no intention of having her really have a lot of commentary throughout the story, but there are moments that I've discovered are perfect opportunities for a teenage girl to laugh at her parents and their story.

Who wouldn't badmouth Molly and Lucy? I mean, some people do a great job with them, but I just don't like Percy, and by default don't like them, and I already have a HUGE cast of characters I'm working with. Easier to badmouth them and pretty much ignore them most of the time.

I'm SO glad you laughed and found different moments funny! It's one of the things I'm really most self-conscious about when writing. i LOVE humor, and like to think of myself as a funny person and a funny writer, but the biggest problem with writing is overthinking the humor and fearing that readers won't think it's as funny as you do.

Oh yeah, Ron and Draco come to an understanding. Hakuna Matata style. (I'm not even joking here. That's how it's gonna go down.)

The kiss...yeah. I'm made of cheese. That's all I can say.

Thanks again for R&R'ing! It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy!!
LL


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Review #17, by The Easter Bilby Chapter 1: The Weasley Clan

4th April 2015:
Hello there!

Just some really quick thoughts on your second chapter here - I couldn't resist reading on, which I suppose is a testament to your great first chapter prologue! I did find this chapter to be quite the information dump onto the reader, and whilst it does give really good background information, I'm questioning if it all is really necessary, given that Valania most likely would already know all this about her family? I also did find that the transition between italics and normal text was a bit confusing, as it seemed like the regular font - Rose as 16 was actually still Rose in the present time talking to Valania, correct me if I'm wrong of course!

I really liked how you struck the balance between Rose/Scorpius trying to tell Valania what happened that night without going into the particular details. I also loved how as a family they were close enough that talking about this wasn't too awkward. All in all, I enjoyed this chapter, and I look forward to the next chapters!

Happy Easter!

Author's Response: *Does happy dance*

You came back! Yay! Thanks Charlotte!

Yeah, this chapter is the reason why there's a prologue. It IS an information dump and I'm still trying to edit it to seem a little less...I dunno, overwhelming?

I'm one of those people who doesn't like it when characters pop up and I'm not totally sure who they are/where they're coming from unless the mystery is intentional.

Also, the Weasley family grandkids are always written as being born in different orders/years. So I wanted to get that clear right away, so nobody was confused.

Once again, I'm working on it. This chapter will definitely get a serious "overhaul" edit at some point.

The italics vs. regular font actually got a little messed up when I submitted it for validation, and...once again, need to go through and edit it. *sighs, and adds to her 'To Do' list*

I think I modeled how Valania talks to her parents much like how i talked to mine at that age. We didn't have many awkward talks, so I'm not actually sure if I'd be able to make it awkward (on purpose), if you know what I mean.

And the particular details of that night are actually really crucial later, which is why you don't hear much here...hehehehe once again, I'm being a little cruel. ;)

Thanks for coming back! I really appreciate it!
LL


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Review #18, by The Easter Bilby Prologue

4th April 2015:
Hello there!

Yes, I'm really interested! The prologue was short but perfect to get me hooked in - I already want to read the next chapter and find out the whole story along with Valania. I'm also a big fan of How I Met Your Mother, so I like the whole idea of your story already. I hope you have a much better ending though, haha, and that it doesn't take like 9 years to find out everything.

ScoRose is one of my favourite pairings to read, so I'm already liking the way you characterised them both, and their relationship. I thought it was very interesting how Scorpius and her father are kind of like two different people, which is very believable because people change a lot during their teen/early adult years, and I can't wait to hopefully read all about this soon. Fantastic prologue - I hope to continue reading your fic, which I'm enjoying a lot so far!

Happy Easter!

Author's Response: *Runs over to the forums...Rita Skeeter revealed the Easter Reviewers!*

Ah ha! Found you Easter Bilby!
AKA - maskedmuggle/Charlotte (yes, I may have stalked you a little bit. Please don't be freaked out!)

First of all, you're so incredibly awesome for leaving all of these reviews for Easter! You prefects are the best!!

Secondly: YAY! A fan of the show! I've discovered that there aren't many that have read the story (and left reviews), which means you're part of the special crowd that will get some of the inside jokes! Hehehehe. I definitely snuck a few in here and there...hope you find them!

And it definitely won't take 9 years. More like...one.

I love ScoRose too! *high fives* Best. Pairing. Ever.

Yeah, Scorpius and Val's father are kind of like two different people in a lot of ways...just remember, not everything is what it seems! (read on! read on! read on!)

Happy (late) Easter and Happy Spring!!
Thanks for R&R'ing!
LL


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Review #19, by Lady Asphodel - Team 2: Round 1 Prologue

4th April 2015:
*Note: this is a jail-break post.

*Note2: For Round 1 of the Gryffie Capture the Flag.



Hi Lizzie!


I never watched, "How I met your Mother," but I think from reading this, I get the gist of it. *smiles*


Again, even though I don't watch the show, I take it that Scorpius and Rose meeting is hilarious and has quite a story behind it.


You really started it off nice and to-the-point. I'm planning on writing a ScoRose one-shot myself, and may find myself coming back to read more after the game is over. *winks*



- Alishya

Author's Response: Alishya!!

Don't worry, no need to watch HIMYM for this story. It just gave me the jump start I needed to finally write the fic I'd been dreaming up for a long time!

Not too sure about how hilarious their meeting is...although there is definitely some hilarity later, but I kinda like the story behind it. ;)

I do hope you do come back! And I'll definitely look out for that ScoRose one-shot! I'd love to read it!

Thanks for R&R'ing!
LL


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Review #20, by jessicalorewrites - round 1 Prologue

4th April 2015:
~for the capture the flag tournament, team 2

hey lizzie!

okay wow I'm so interested in this fic already. I'll admit I've never watched how I met your mother before but the general premise for the show has always interested me, as does this now! as a big shipper of scorose (and scorbus, but that's irrelevant) I'm interested to see where you'll be taking this! the name valeria is also incredibly interesting and I hope we get to find out more about why that name was chosen.

as a prologue this worked really well in creating a sense of mystery and yet familiarity at the same time. I almost feel as if I've been reading about these characters for much longer than I have, not just 500 or so words! even though they're not very developed yet as characters there's definitely the beginnings of warm fuzziness here, which I enjoy.

I can't wait to see where you go with this! I'll be back over the course of the capture the flag game but I think I'll certainly be reading this all at some point regardless ^.^

great opening!

- jess, xo

Author's Response: Jess!

Thanks so much for your review!! CTF game or not, I'm glad you wanted to review my story!

How I Met Your Mother is definitely not NEEDED for this fic, but it IS an awesome show, and I highly recommend it if you need a good laugh. There's also a couple of references I make to the show, but I'll end up pointing them out at some point.

Valania is definitely an interesting name (although I've found myself re-thinking it...yikes!), and there's a meaning behind it that will be explained later on in the story. Although once you find out you'll probably realize the true depth of my geekiness. I spent hours researching it, and the name doesn't even come from the HP-verse!

I'm glad you liked the prologue, I definitely intended it to be just the teeniest taste of what was to come, since I couldn't seem to help myself, and HAD to leave a teaser right off the bat. Shows what kind of writer I am, huh?

I'm glad you'll come back at some point! I'd love to hear what you think of the rest!!

Thanks for R&R'ing!
LL


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Review #21, by Sakura Sweetie Prologue

4th April 2015:
OK! You had me at the title! But, seriously, Happy Easter and Happy Spring. -showers cherry blossom petals all over lizzie-
First off, I want to say... -SQUEE!-
Ok, so totally NOT a word. hahaha. XD Seriously, though, this LESS than 1000 words?
How did you manage to write it so perfectly that only an idiot wouldn't want to know what happens next? (I pride myself on not being an idiot)
Since it IS a ScoRose, how could I resist? But the premise was perfect AND the end was the cruelest thing you could hope to do.
You should just be glad that there's already a next chapter because if it didn't, I would hunt you down...



.. and make you write.
Kay, off to read. But amazingly done. :D

--Sakura Sweetie

Author's Response: Sakura Sweetie,

Happy Spring!! You're really as sweet as your name!! Sorry I'm so late responding to your review, we were having a Capture the Flag game on the forums, and life got crazy really fast... :)

I'm glad you like the title and this chapter!! I know, less than 1000 words, but there's a reason why it's the prologue!! I hope you went on to read the rest of this, I kinda think it's cool.

"How did you manage to write it so perfectly that only an idiot wouldn't want to know what happens next? (I pride myself on not being an idiot)"

THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD!!! I did try really hard to make this chapter just the slightest little teaser, so I'm glad that you wanted to read more! That was the goal!

I'm also glad that you're not an idiot. I try not to be one too.

I probably need more people to hunt me down and make me write though...there's still quite a bit down the road for Rose and Scorpius. But I hope you enjoy their journey!!

Thanks so much for R&R'ing! You're an absolute doll!!
LL


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Review #22, by Rt Chapter 18: Mr. (Chuck) Norris Plays Quidditch

29th March 2015:
I give up on this.. I check like every week. It's a complete let down😒😒

Author's Response: Aw! I'm SO SORRY! I know I haven't updated as frequently, but don't give up on the story! I'm absolutely going to update within the next two weeks, since spring break is upon us, and I don't have to work! YAY!

Thank you so much for R&R'ing though, I really appreciate knowing that there are people who read and like this story! Check back in a few weeks and I hope you'll keep reading when I do update!

LL


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Review #23, by HappyMollyWeasley Chapter 1: The Weasley Clan

26th March 2015:
Hi! This is Molly with the review from the Gryffindor review exchanges.

This story is great so far! Im impressed by how quickly you got my attention, and how the story keeps me absorbed.

Scorpius and Rose are cute together, and they seem to love their daughter dearly. I also love how you tell all those details about the Weasley's. It's strange though that Val didn't know about how the Malfoy's and Weasley's used to despise each others...

Just as I thought that there's a bit too much background about all the cousins and relatives, Val's pointing out that to Rose. Well done on that! I like how Val's questions helps the story move forwards.

This is an amazing start, and I can tell that you're a talented writer too!


Molly

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for your wonderful review!! I'm glad you liked it.

While I was writing I felt like it was really important to include a background for everyone right off the bat, but as I was writing it sort of became this long, boring rambling that really wasn't any use. That's why I used Val, which is something that I always wished HIMYM had done. I'm glad you think it's a good idea. I was hoping it wouldn't detract from the story at all.

Thanks so much for R&R'ing! You're super awesome!!
LL

P.S. Your review is coming soon! Looking forward to reading your story!


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Review #24, by randomwriter Prologue

21st March 2015:
Hey there Lizzie :) Who doesn't like free reviews, amiright? Well, I'm leaving a review for everyone from the Quidditch team and a bit of a thank you, and I'm here for yours! :)

So, I'm a huuge fan of How I Met Your Mother, and I love, love , love Rose/Scorpius. I write them and read about them obsessively, so it's no surprise that I was drawn to your story.

Now, this chapter was a bit short, and I understand that it was only the prologue, and was meant to be just a sneak-peek, so it makes sense that you didn't overload us with information. That being said, a little bit of description and detail wouldn't hurt ;) Nothing to give away more plot, of course!

I know we're barely into the story, but I'm already looking forward to your take on their relationship. As I mentioned, I absolutely LOVE this pairing, and they seemed so sweet together here, but I'm sure it wasn't always that way, so I'd like to see how they started out and all that ;)

I did see some errors in punctuation and phrasing. In some sentences, I felt that you could have conveyed the same thing better with a different word, but of course, that's my nit-picky side going at it.

I'd like to say that in spite of that, I really thought that this was cute and it certainly caught my eye. It flows really nicely, and it makes the readers want to read on, which is always a good thing. Great job, Lizzie! ♥ And thank you for being a stellar team mate!

Author's Response: ADI!

Thank you so much for reviewing!! Such a nice surprise to find a lovely new review waiting for me after not having checked for a while!

I'm glad that this drew you in, the idea definitely was to just give you a little taste, although I'm glad that you think there could be some more description and detail. It's something that I was wondering about...and now I can definitely work on it!

Rose/Scorpius is seriously my OTP. I can't imagine writing about anybody else. Or, for that matter, shipping anybody else.

I think my take on their relationship is still developing in a way. I sort of think of them as the Lily/Marshall couple in this story.

I'm definitely going to go through and do some editing at some point. I think I want to be farther along in the story first, and *hopefully* have somebody to go over everything and be a "post-beta" if that makes any sense.

Thanks so much for R&R'ing! I'm so honored that you took the time to review and so honored to be your teammate!! You're amazing!!

LL


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Review #25, by Dobby The House Elf Prologue

19th March 2015:
Hello there, Miss. Tis I, Dobby. Dobby the House Elf. I is wandering around the stories of the great and noble Quidditch team of Gryffindor. Gryffindor is being the house of the greatest hero of them all; Harry Potter. Is you knowing that Harry Potter is playing Quidditch when Harry Potter attended Hogwarts? And what a most wonderful player Harry Potter was, Miss! Dobby knows Harry Potter would be most proud of your team, win or lose, Miss!

Dobby is liking this story very much! Dobby is now wanting to know of how Miss Rose - Daughter of Harry Potter's friend; His Weezy - met Miss Val's father. Dobby is very interested. Dobby thinks Miss did a lovely job with her writing and Dobby is wanting reading more. Miss Rose is having a wonderful family. Miss Rose's husband is being much better than his father. His father was... was... Erm! I'm sorry, Miss! Dobby is still finding it hard to speak ill of his old Masters!

Dobby must go! Dobby is being needed now and must leave so he is not needing to iron his hands! Goodbye, Miss! What an honor it's been!


-Dobby The House Elf

Author's Response: Dobby!!!

Thank you for your wonderful review!! It made my day by far!!

I'm glad that this chapter got you interested in my story, and I hope you will keep reading it!

And yes, Scorpius is much better than his father. But you need not worry about your old Masters! They have gotten better with time.

Thank you for reading and reviewing! I am so happy that you took the time to read this!

LL


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