Reading Reviews for Brutal Love
  
23 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Quint Charms and Quidditch

20th August 2014:
Its very nice altough im not english, i can read it prettig well im happy to read ab ook that's so like Harry Potter its almost the real second part of the story!

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Review #2, by HermionesSecretClone The Trial

11th July 2014:
Loved it! More please... I read all of this in one day, I'm hooked.I feel so sad about the baby tho! -HSC 100/10 (-90 for sadness.)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm almost at the end of this story now :)

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Review #3, by toomanycurls Prologue

1st February 2014:
I like how you're setting this story up. Scorpius has quite a lot of growing up to do. It's too bad that he doesn't respect women enough to treat Emily like she deserves. I was quite happy that she dumped him and it will be interesting journey for them to get back together. It really is interesting that Draco pined for Hermione and is open enough to tell his son about it.

Author's Response: HOORAY my first review of my rewrite! I'm so happy :D I'm so glad you like it :)

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Review #4, by RavenclawGirl11 Charms and Quidditch

28th July 2013:
So okay, I haven't actually read this chapter but will do it later. Do you have a forum penname? If so, please add your name on the review thingy. If not, please include your email or something I can send you the editted chapters
~ Macy x

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Review #5, by RavenclawGirl11 Christmas

25th July 2013:
This has to be my favourite chapter, although I was a bit confused and shocked when Scorpius proposes, it sort of didn't explain it fully.
But good chapter!
~ Macy x

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Review #6, by RavenclawGirl11 Quidditch

25th July 2013:
Certain points in this made me laugh, but again I think you should work on your sentence flow.
~ Macy x

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Review #7, by RavenclawGirl11 Triangle

25th July 2013:
So hello, I was thinking, do you have a Beta reader? Just because the sentences are a bit. sharp(?) sometimes. If you don't, I am offering myself, if you would want a Beta.
~ Macy x

Author's Response: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO MESSAGE YOU BUT YES, I WOULD LOVE A BETA READER!!! Brutal Love is my first fic, I think my other one (Saving My Life) is MUCH better but this one does need work, I want it to feel more real, and obviously where there are massive gaps ordinary stuff can happen like chatting to friends, but I have no idea how to write it haha.

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Review #8, by RavenclawGirl11 Charlie

25th July 2013:
So hi again! You must be fed up of me reviewing! I'm not going to say much, as I want to read the next chapter. However, please, please, PLEASE include some description, of Scorpius, of Charlie, of Greyback's son , SOMEBODY!
Sorry for the OTT,
~ MAcy x

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Review #9, by RavenclawGirl11 Scorpius Malfoy, Get Out Of My Head

25th July 2013:
So.. Loved this chapter even more. It was interesting to get Emily's POV. Have you thought of getting a banner to go with your story? They increase viewings and are pretty to look at. You can get them at the-dark-arts(.net) the site that is connected to HPFF. If you don't know how, I would be happy to make a request for you, if you just tell me what you want on it.

On to the chapter, I like the lenght of it, however I think you skip over things to quickly. Like, you have a sentence or two for a subject. If you go into greater detail, say, for instance, she can't stop thinking about Charlie and Scorpius in a lesson and cant consentrate, it would be even more amazing
~ Macy x

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Review #10, by RavenclawGirl11 Prologue

25th July 2013:
Hello! I stumbled across this and just had to read it! I think you had a really good start, however this line, "Oh crap, she was coming back and she looked madder than I'd ever seen her. She slapped me straight round the face, hard. It stung." is a bit. dodgy? If you had instead, "I instantly regretted it, and when she turn around, I knew she regretted ever meeting me. The look in her eyes, she was angry, no furious at me, and so was I. She slapped me round the face, with a force to rival Dumbledore's. It hurt like hell, and left a handprint." Other than that, It was AMAZING!
~ Macy x

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Review #11, by marauderfan Scorpius Malfoy, Get Out Of My Head

20th July 2013:
I like Emily so far - I laughed when she got distracted by the Hufflepuff boy! And I like that she's not super codependent, and doesn't go running back into Scorpius's arms when he says he wants her back. But I hope they can be friends at least, and that she eventually forgives him for being rude to her.

I noticed that in this chapter at least, you kind of skim over most of the action. There's about 2 lines of her charms class, 3 lines of her in the library... I don't know if that intentional, to just skim over the mundane events of the day, but personally I think it'd be nice to add a bit more description in there. What were they learning in Charms? (Hogwarts is a school after all) What does she spend time on during the day?

Anyway, that CC aside, this was a good chapter! You're doing very well so far :)

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Review #12, by marauderfan Prologue

20th July 2013:
Aw! Poor Scorpius. (I'm assuming that's Scorpius) Looks like Draco has learned his lesson since the war, on how to treat muggle-borns with respect. Scorpius is being an idiot. Or maybe just a teenage boy :P I like the idea of Scorpius/OC, it's quite original compared to the volumes of Scorp/Rose out there. Good start to your story!

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Review #13, by luvinpadfoot Memories

16th July 2013:
Aw I hope Emily's okay. She does seem like she's been hurting a lot over everything that's been happening with them. Maybe the honeymoon will help her a bit, and Scorpius too of course.

I have two small critiques for the story in general and I think I've mentioned both before, one is that sometimes things seem to pass by really quickly, especially like in this scene with the drugs and Emily being too thin. I think it could be so much better if you slowed it down and spent some time describing certain bits.

The other critique is just that a lot of the time Scorpius and Emily seem to be the only two characters. Like they'll mention other people and sometimes Lucius or someone else will pop up, but oftentimes it's just the two of them and I think a few more characters could help.

But I'm really enjoying this story! Sorry I haven't reviewed in a bit and then all of a sudden review spam, was distracted and forget to check to see when it's updated. But I do love it! It's one of my favorite stories and I'm looking forward to seeing what else happens to Scorpius and Emily!

Author's Response: Oh wow that really was review spam! Haha I'm glad though :)
I don't like the time flow either, but at the minute I'm lacking inspiration for events in between the main plot points. I'll probably add some in later.
The drugs thing comes to a head in the next few chapters, I'm just trying to re write the next one because it got rejected, and I'm having trouble with it. There is definitely a happy ending though, I promise :)
Also to the point of other characters, they rejoin their friends in the next few chapters, because they have been on their own and that definitely hasn't been helping Emily at all, she's one of those people that likes company. But I might add some more company filler chapters to thicken it out a bit later on, just so it doesn't seem to jumpy.
I'm really very glad that you like it, it's my first fanfic and it's far from perfect, but I like getting suggestions to make it better :)


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Review #14, by luvinpadfoot An Eventful Anniversary

15th July 2013:
Oh wow, I wasn't expecting that to happen! This isn't going to turn into a drug problem for them, will it? They seemed too smart at Hogwarts to get into things like that. But I'm glad they seem to be okay for the moment at least. I am intensely curious about what's going to happen with this new plotline.

And is Emily going to get pregnant again? It seems like a possibility and like a baby might make them happy, although they are still only teenagers. Sometimes I forget how young they are.

I think I'd like to see a little more interaction with their friends and family. Since they left Hogwarts and had their wedding it's mostly just been them alone. Being around other people would be interesting for the story.

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Review #15, by luvinpadfoot A Surprise Visit

15th July 2013:
Those little snapshots from their past were so beautiful and sweet! It's interesting to see the different slant Scorpius has on them, especially when she thought he was trying to copy her work when he kissed her. I loved that one the best.

And the bit at the end when she was feeling his scars was so sad. I wish she didn't blame herself for that because it wasn't her fault. And hopefully the worst is behind them now. They're on their own and their house is protected so I'm hoping not that much more goes wrong.

And they love each other so much, more than most people do. I hope things work out.

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Review #16, by luvinpadfoot The First Hours Of Married Life

15th July 2013:
Aw I like the sweet chapters best (although maybe I'm just a tad biased). They're good moments seem really good, nearly perfect, but that contrasts the other er not so good moments, like with Lucius, really well. It's one of the things I like best about this story- the highs are so high which only makes the lows seem that much lower and more heartbreaking.

The dream that Scorpius had seems very realistic, that her and Charlie being together is something that he still thinks about or worries about, even though she chose him. Sometimes fears like that aren't always rational.

The descriptions toward the end of this chapter were just beautiful, the melted chocolate with caramel of her eyes and the line about the artist not conceiving of anything so flawless. I adore those lines, they were brilliant.

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Review #17, by luvinpadfoot The End of an Era

15th July 2013:
Oh no! This chapter almost made me cry, I can't believe they lost the baby like that! Poor Emily and Scorpius. I'm tearing up right now just thinking about it.

And he's so sweet to her when she's upset. He's so good at taking care of her. I didn't want anything else sad to happen, but I hope they can recover. And hopefully try again for kids, if they do decide they want them now?

What's going to happen with Scorpius's family? I'm sure his mother can't be too thrilled with Lucius, I hope he gets sent to Azkaban or something. That was just awful. :(

Another lovely chapter though, even if it did make me sad. Have I mentioned enough how much I love this story?

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Review #18, by luvinpadfoot The Aftermath

15th July 2013:
Poor Scorpius and Emily! I can't believe Lucius (I think it's Lucius, right?) showed up like that just to humiliate/scare them and disown Scorpius! I hope this doesn't give them other problems, like money or anything since they're already having a baby together. They don't deserve that.

And Scorpius is really one of the sweetest guys ever, although he seemed very realistic in the narration of this chapter. He seemed like a guy, which sometimes isn't the case when reading fanfics.

I hope things stay good for them, they seemed so happy before finding out about the pregnancy! And Emily is scared, but she's also proven herself to be very strong. I think she can definitely get through this. :)

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Review #19, by luvinpadfoot Summer Is Beginning

15th July 2013:
Okay, that had to be the most adorable chapter I've ever read. Scorpius and Emily are my favorite couple possibly ever. They're just so sweet together I can hardly stand it! I loved that she giggled at his middle name in the middle of the vows.

I do like the idea of them dealing with having children together. Or even just her pregnancy. I think that could really bring out the best (and worst) in them.

Their fear over it is totally understandable and I can't wait to see what else happens. (And yes, for the record I did say "awww" when Scorpius said he was less scared when he was with her. Because I'm a huge pansy like that.)

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Review #20, by luvinpadfoot An Un-Ordinary Week

15th July 2013:
Haha that line from her mother sounded exactly like something a mother would say, about there being no surprises anymore! I loved it!

But it's sad that they're leaving Hogwarts forever. Endings always make me sad, especially since they enjoyed their years there so much. It's such a magical place, although I guess that just means they're moving on to another step in their lives!

The wedding was so sweet, even in the midst of the pregnancy scare. I'm glad Emily and Scorpius are together, more difficult to break them up (yeah, I'm totally invested in this relationship now). And if they do have a baby, because let's be honest it's possible to just be a little late, I wonder how they'll deal with it. They're both so young.

So much to look forward to, I'm really loving this story!

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Review #21, by luvinpadfoot An Ordinary Day

15th July 2013:
Aw poor Emily. It seems like she had a rough day after her hen party, although worth it, I hope. Scorpius is so sweet staying by her side all day and I'm glad she got better. I was afraid it might be something serious and they really don't need anything else to go wrong for them before the wedding.

I'm glad his grandfather can't come to the wedding! That'll make things easier (although I guess I'm sorry he's ill...hmm that's a hard one).

Is it possible you're hinting at a baby in the future for Emily and Scorpius? Just maybe? Or I'm reading way too much into everything.

Oh well, onward to the next chapter! And I too am hoping that Scorpius isn't as ill the next as Emily was.

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Review #22, by luvinpadfoot Charms and Quidditch

18th June 2013:
Aw that was cute. I liked that this chapter was a bit lighter, except for the whole incident with Greyback. Despite skipping ahead several months it seemed to slow down a bit.

The planning of the wedding seems like it will be a lot more drama! I sense there may be several fights in Emily and Scorpius's future haha. And if she's having a hen party, is he going to have a bachelor party? I can only imagine the kind of shenanigans they'd get into!

Is there going to be more with Greyback? I really wasn't expecting him to come back, but it makes sense. I feel a little sorry for him that he's going to Azkaban, it's not his fault his father was a monster who brainwashed him.

Another great chapter, I'm still really loving it and very eager to see what's going to happen outside of Hogwarts! (Also this drama you speak of intrigues me...)

Hope all your uni deadlines went well! Looking forward to the next chapter! :)

Author's Response: Oh don't worry, there is plenty of drama to come :)
No more Greyback so far, I just wanted to add a bit in to explain where he'd gone after the other attack, but now that's all done. More baddies on the way though! :)


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Review #23, by luvinpadfoot Blood Traitor

7th June 2013:
Oh, I really enjoy this story! Scorpius and Emily are adorable together. They really do complement each other nicely as far as their personalities are concerned. And they act like teenagers. Normal, realistic teenagers no matter what happens to them. That's really brilliant. A lot of times the main characters act really mature or immature, but it's great that you've kept them very realistic within their age group.

I love the way the story has progressed. It seems really realistic as the characters change and further their relationships or even distance themselves from their friends as people do.

A few critiques, one is the speed of the story. It seems to be happening rather fast and I'd love if you could slow down a bit and delve a little more into their day to day, go deeper into their personalities and their lives. There's so much potential for that and while I love what you've got so far it feels like you've got so much more you can pull from.

The second kind of goes along with that, I'd just really like to see a bit more with their friends, more of their relationships with people other than each other. The characters you've brought in seem really interesting, Charlie especially, but they're only mentioned in passing most of the time. Like I said before, there's just so much potential.

I feel so bad for them, it's like they can't catch a break! Are things going to get easier for them now that Scorpius's former friends are gone? Are Scorpius and Emily going to stay engaged? What do their parents think about it? I can't wait for more!

Great story, I love it!

Author's Response: I'm sorry it took so long to reply, I didn't realise I had a review! Oh, I have much more drama planned for them... I'm not totally satisfied with the speed of it either, I think I'll work on it more after my uni deadlines :) next chapter is going in the queue now though!

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