Reading Reviews for Her Emerald Eyes
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by endlessShenanigans Her Emerald Eyes

15th May 2014:
That was really good! I liked it. I'm a big fan of Lily, so hearing what could have been going through her head was sad, but also pretty cool. Thanks for sharing!

 Report Review

Review #2, by blackballet Her Emerald Eyes

6th August 2013:
This is so great! I especially loved her reminiscing at the end. I think you did a good job of incorporating JK's version with yours, and I liked when James died(her reaction, not his death). I really loved it!

Author's Response: Thanks you the nice review, and I too (if it doesn't sound too arrogant) I liked James Death
Thanks again,
~ Macy ;P


 Report Review

Review #3, by AlexFan Her Emerald Eyes

6th August 2013:
Holy guacamole! For a first attempt at so many things this is absolutely brilliant! You've captured the emotions of Lily perfectly and as a reader I could really feel everything that Lily was feeling (which I'm assuming was the point). The description was what really did it though. I've been meaning to review this for a while and now I finally got to do so!

This gave me the shivers and it made me incredibly sad. At least two of the Potter's didn't have to suffer anymore. There aren't many stories or one-shots about the night that James and Lily died so I'm very glad that I got to read this.

Awesome job on it!

Author's Response: THANK YOU! I'm really glad you liked it, and BTW it was me who left you a review on Inside The Walls!
~ Macy ;P


 Report Review

Review #4, by starryskies55 Her Emerald Eyes

18th July 2013:
Hey! Despite this being quite a short piece, I found this really captivating and interesting. I've read tons of one shots of this particular moment, but you've managed to put your own spin on it- I think mostly helped by the fact you've used second person, which I know is very tricky, but you've done it very well, I think! :)

James and Lily's relationship, while it was only briefly described in here, was still quite powerful. The idea that she didn't want to live without James was very sad but was effective in showing their love for each other. The bit where Lily is lamenting all the things she can never do with James again made her sound very young and vulnerable, which is a brilliant portrayal of her, as she was extremely young still when she died.
You have some brilliant description in here as well, I especially loved the bit at the end where everything seemed so pointless and hopeless, like "You yell, but itís hopeless." and the no-one caring line. It really added to Lily feeling alone after she knew James was dead, and the empty life she would have without him.

Quick note; watch out for your formatting. :) But overall, this was a fantastic story, and I really enjoyed it. Well done!

 Report Review

Review #5, by Athene Goodstrength Her Emerald Eyes

16th July 2013:
This is so sad, and gripping, and movingly written. I can't believe it's your first one-shot! And you did a great job with the second person. I really like the memories flashing through Lily's mind, and I really like that you included a reason for her not fighting back! The moment that James died was really well-written - dramatic but not cliche, you kept it simple and heart breaking.

I did notice that in the first paragraph 'you wonder how he found you' sounds like you're still talking about Harry, which confused me for a moment! But apart from that, this was really, really well done. You should branch out more often! You might surprise yourself :)

Author's Response: Thank you for such a kind review! I sort of went out of my comfort zone whilst writing this, as this is the first time I've EVER written in 2nd person. But I'm glad you enjoyed it and will be definatley do another Lily/James one-shot!

 Report Review

Review #6, by maskedmuggle Her Emerald Eyes

14th July 2013:
Hey!

I thought this was quite a well-written fic that really conveyed the strong emotions that Lily felt in her last moments - terror, despair, her love for Harry.. Reading about this moment is always terribly tragic, and I thought you managed to convey this story (which we all know), in your own interpretation. I liked the little flashback that Lily had in the end - whilst perhaps a little cliche, it definitely showed and highlighted the horrors of the war in disrupting and ending happiness. Nice story!

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2013

Author's Response: Thanks for such a kind review! I was just wondering how you came across this story, as you said at the bottom "House Cup 2013" I was a bit confused by that :/
But thanks for reading!
~ Macy ;P


 Report Review

Review #7, by truehufflepuff Her Emerald Eyes

13th July 2013:
great story macy i like how you did it , telling the story. check mine out (chapter stil validating)

 Report Review

Review #8, by SilentConfession Her Emerald Eyes

11th June 2013:
Hi, I'm here for your review!

So this is a very intense moment. It's really one of the biggest moments of the series in my opinion as the story revolves around this sacrifice of Lily's. So i commend you for trying to capture the last moment of Lily's life. It's interesting to see what she might have been thinking during that moment in her life when she realizes that her family is going to die.

There was a weird sense of hope throughout this. I'm not sure why i picked up on that at all since it isn't a piece that really portrays that. I suppose it was because Lily was reflecting one the fact that she wouldn't change anything and that, in the end, she'd be with those who she loved and had died before her. With those few things it took the edge of a sad, destructive moment because Lily, although is giving up, is also looking forward and still appreciating that she was able to live the life she lived.

I'd have loved to have gotten a deeper sense of this moment. Some of the smells, the feeling of Harry's soft skin under her lips. What does Lily look like in the scene? How is she standing? I felt detached because there were times that Lily felt like a floating entity in the room without anyone directing her actions. The main purpose of the challenge was to bring people into the moment, for them to feel everything Lily was feeling. To feel the horror that she was losing her life, that she was losing her husband and her kid. That with their deaths so goes the hope of the wizarding world. I would have loved to get a sense of that. There were times you did this well, especially with how you portrayed some of her emotions and how she mourned the loss of the love of her life. But sometimes getting the atmosphere of a moment is more than just describing the emotions. If you worked on that and creating a deeper more rounded atmosphere you'd have an even better piece than you already do.

I don't mean to be critical but i'm just looking at this piece through the eyes of what i was looking for with the challenge. I think that you've chosen a really cool moment of the first war to explore and i can't imagine what it would be like to look death in the face like that! Thank you so much for entering y challenge! I've enjoyed reading this piece!

Author's Response: I totally agree - I do think I could improve the mood and could make the reader more attached to the scene.
Thanks for reviewing,
~ Macy


 Report Review

Review #9, by Diezal325 Her Emerald Eyes

19th May 2013:
i liked it, but its really sad! Diezal325 xx

 Report Review

Review #10, by STG Sagmag Her Emerald Eyes

18th May 2013:
Hey, STG Sagmag here with your review :D

I'd like to start off by saying that you pulled off the second person aspect of writing pretty well - Not many authors can do that.

Lily is believable, with all her hopes, fears and gratitude, but at times it seems too much like what's given in the books. You could try and incorporate more of your own material. Also, it would be awesome if the story actually spoke more of Lily trying to protect Harry, than her being sad about James. Even this line: "...he'll kill you, and then your only son, the last remaining part of James." makes it sound like Lily doesn't care about Harry as much as she does about James.

Okay, enough of criticism! I'd like to conclude by saying that it was a very short, beautiful one-shot and I especially like the second to last paragraph when Lily's life is flashing before her eyes. This is my fav paragraph: Youíre not scared, but donít want Harry to suffer. Youíve had a good life, but Harry is just a child; he doesnít know about the real world, heíll never go to Hogwarts, heíll never have kids and get married if you donít protect him now.


I'd really like to read more Lily/James from you in the future :)

xSara

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm going to go back over it, and make it longer and more Harry like so yeah. Thanks again and hope you enjoyed reading it
~ Macy x


 Report Review

Review #11, by nott theodore Her Emerald Eyes

17th May 2013:
I don't usually find many stories written in second person, so I enjoyed reading your take on Lily's murder (not in a morbid way!).

It must be awful for Lily to know Voldemort is coming, and you got a sense of fear and dread across effectively. I really felt Lily's grief for losing James and desperate instincts for protecting all Lily loves, as well as a sad knowledge it will probably be impossible to succeed. It was really quite moving and poignant and I enjoyed reading it.

I can't offer a lot of constructive criticism, but I would suggest 'cot' could be a better alternative to 'crib' as crib sounds quite American to me.

Overall, I found it engaging and readable, and you communicated a lot in a not very long story. Well done!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Thanks for another great review! I agree should have written cot instead of crib but I was rushing a bit. I had a beta on this one, as I made silly mistakes as in #TheTruthBehindTheFreckles, which by the way, will have another chapter up in a few days,
Thanks again,
~ Macy x


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login