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2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by the girl,your friend p.s.i can fly Hufflepuff

12th November 2013:
this is a wonderfully written story for your first. i am also kind of new to Fan Fiction so you have my you

Author's Response: Thanks Katie. Yeah I know who you are. Thanks for the review. I haven't gotten many. and by the way, 'Cooperation'?

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Review #2, by teh tarik Hufflepuff

20th May 2013:
Hello there!

I came across this story while browsing the Recently Added. It's a shame it has no reviews, because this story has such an interesting premise - the children of the Founders. I don't think I've ever come across a fic where the OCs are Founders' children, well, with the exception of Helena Ravenclaw stories, of course. (I'm assuming Helena might possibly make an appearance in later chapters...?)

Anyway, this is a lovely beginning. I loved that you conveyed Theresa's anxiety and Helga's reassuring tone - it's a very warm and affectionate mother-daughter relationship, and I hope to see this developed further in the coming chapters. Just loved how you ended this with Helga's almost-brisk practical voice:"Stop worrying! You'll be fine!"

I think you might have a few anachronisms in your story, though:

Mother always told her that when she looked at Theresa, she would think that she was looking at a photograph of her younger self.

Pretty sure photographs didn't exist in medieval times :P Perhaps Helga would refer to a portrait or a painting or something. To avoid these sort of anachronistic errors (which are quite common given that the Founders is such an unfamiliar era for many of us), it would be helpful to visualise and develop on the setting of your story - pay attention to detail to the things people use, the clothes they wear etc. Like the horse and carriage bit in your fic was a nice addition, and it did help to give a sense of an era / setting.

One thing you've done very nicely is the speech patterns and dialogue of the characters. I think the dialogue is fitting for the era you're writing in.

Overall, this is a lovely beginning! Do keep writing! I hope I'll be able to come back to your story soon :)


Author's Response: Thanks so much for your advice! This is my first story, and I still have a lot to learn. I've been looking for reviews and constructive criticism so that I can get some pointers. I have big plans for this story, and I'm glad that someone actually read it. I haven't gotten many views, and I need all the help that I can get!

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