Reading Reviews for The Fighters
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfan Story One

2nd September 2013:
Hi there! Here for our review swap!

Oh, I'm glad you wanted me to read this one because it's so good! Regulus is kind of a forgotten character in fanfiction and you did really well with this, and such a unique spin on it. I loved the Regulus and Mary dynamic - it's similar to the Snape and Lily one, in that they're both Death Eaters who love a Muggle-born... but this one is much sweeter, I think, since the affection is mutual and not obsessive/creepy like Snape's love for Lily.

I love the depth you added to Regulus' character, and the emphasis on the fact that the world isn't split into Death Eaters and good people. You highlighted the very strong similarities between Sirius and Regulus (as well as the obvious differences), and I really, really liked the last scene when Regulus admits to Mary that he's joined the Death Eaters. It shows just how complex the war really is.

Your writing style is very suited to the topic, too. I've read your one-shot about Rabastan which used the same style of short sentences, and it worked really well here too, like Mary is looking back years later in a kind of sad reflection.

If you don't mind some CC, there were a couple of places where it shifted tenses in the beginning. And later on, there was a line that seemed a little odd and wordy to me: The words had me in a shocked position.
Active voice is much stronger than passive voice, so I think you could just say "I was shocked."

Overall, really well done on this story, I enjoyed reading it! And thanks for the swap!! :)

Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked it, and I'm also glad for the CC. I love CC. It helps me with my writing style. I'll definitely have a look at everything you pointed out. Thanks for the swap, I'll be reviewing you shortly!

-Janelle


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Review #2, by HPSwimmer Story Two

27th May 2013:
Hey this is a great chapter but Gideon and Fabien died together. Thought you ought to know

Author's Response: And now... I feel stupid. Haha. I'll have to fix that one up a little. Maybe rearrange the events a bit to make Fabian show up before Gideon is dead, but after Peter is gone, so then I can make the boys die together... okay, thanks for telling me! And I'm glad you thought it was a great chapter!(: ~ Janelle(:

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Review #3, by hpfflover Story One

16th May 2013:
OMG! i loved it was so sad it just about broke my heart!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! ~ Janelle(:

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