Reading Reviews for Fragile Bones
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Violet Gryfindor Fragile Bones

15th September 2013:
This is a lovely one-shot! It was great to see a story about Amelia and the loss of the Bones family, though isn't there another sibling, since Susan later calls her Aunt Amelia? I do like the idea of Amelia being the youngest sibling, though it's hard to tell how old she is when this story takes place - if there's a way you could give more of a clue, I think it would help. Otherwise, I really like your characterization of her, not only as a book lover, but as someone deeply affected by the death of her family - it's almost as though the coldness is coming from her and the shadows are the ghosts of memory and fear rather than part of the house she's in. She's very realistically drawn and sympathetic, and it was nice to see how recognizable she was even though you never gave her last name - it was clear right away, and that's often hard to do with a minor character.

At first it had this wonderful Gothic feel to it with Amelia in her nightdress, wandering in this old house full of shadows - I especially liked the way that you likened her to a cobweb because it made her seem part of this rather Gothic setting in addition to emphasizing her physical and emotional delicacy. Your imagery is very good, creating an atmosphere steeped in magic, like this was a fairy tale castle. In fact, I'm rather reminded of "Beauty and the Beast", particularly the part when Belle, lost and alone in the castle, finds the library, a place she can truly love - a place that works to fill the hole left by her lost family. Amelia's love of books is powerful, and what made this story beautiful was how she finds her mother again, first through the books, then through her uncle. The library is entirely unlike the rest of the house, warm and inviting, without any trace of shadows, and the change of scene perfectly mirrors the story's change of mood. I haven't seen an atmosphere this well-done in a while, and it was fantastic to revel in the fairy tale/Gothic feel of it.

One thing that I think still needs work is that beginning section, mostly because there is some telling and repetition present. For instance, you write that "The room was cold" - it's so quickly followed by "Amelia shivered" that it's not really necessary - it also takes away from the next sentence, where she feels the coldness coming from her heart. It'd be more effective to not also say that the room was cold, if that makes sense? Another one is where you write "it was full of shadows. They were everywhere" - the second part isn't necessary because if a place is full of something, then they will naturally be everywhere. Just watch for things like that because they break up the flow of the narrative.

Great work on this story! I'm glad to have had the chance to read it! ^_^

 Report Review

Review #2, by LittleLionGirl Fragile Bones

25th August 2013:
Wow. This was an amazing one-shot. I love how it is about a minor character during the beginning of the war. I feel so bad for her and her uncle but I am glad they now realized they have each other you know? Your quote really fit the story and the theme you had going on here.

Everything was perfect. You gave the right amount of detail in everything; her grief, the setting, and her perspective on things. When I saw the word count I thought it would be a little long but reading it took me no time at all and it was a pleasant surprise :) I just love stories that take me away for a bit. Excellent job! Please keep on writing :)


 Report Review

Review #3, by DumbledoresArmyOfOne Fragile Bones

30th June 2013:
That's such a beautiful quote, and you built an amazingly lovely story around it.

It's always so interesting for me to see the motivation behind the actions, so I love how this little story covers the reasons for fighting. Not the 'glory' of the fight itself, but the story behind the actions.

I also love how you wrote the family ties, and the far-reaching consequences of death and loss. And the gradual journey to dealing with grief.

I think that many authors struggle with portraying grief, either lingering on it too long or skipping over it too quickly. You really showed how we don't 'get over' or 'forget' about our grief, we just learn to bear it, to live on and let it become a part of us, but not to let it control us.

I love the role of books in Amelia's journey. As a book-lover myself, I can see how that could help her cope.

Thank you for publishing this beautiful story!

 Report Review

Review #4, by AlexFan Fragile Bones

17th May 2013:
I was planning on reviewing all the entries when the challenge ended but I had today off and a lot of time on my hands so I decided what the heck!

I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed it. Despite the fact that this was rather depressing it just gave me this warm fuzzy feeling inside of me. I think my favourite part was when she was in the library and she was reading.

I loved the way that you described what reading felt like for some people and what it did for them and I could totally relate!

The entire time that I was reading this I was trying to figure out why this Amelia person sounded so familiar and then her brother Edgar was mentioned and I went "AMELIA BONES!"

I think you used the quote that I gave you really well and I think you did an amazing job on this! I'm so glad that I got to read it!

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for the review, and thanks for making the challenge! (I love Cornelia Funke - I can't even count the number of times I've read and re-read the Inkheart trilogy.

Yay! I'm glad you picked up that it was Amelia bones! I was originally planing to write about an original character, but changed my mind at last minute.

Thanks again for the lovely review - i'm happy you think I did a good job and used the quote well!


 Report Review

Review #5, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend Fragile Bones

13th May 2013:
I read this after watching game of thrones, so when you said that winter was on it's way, I was almost disappointed it didn't say winter is coming. Almost, but not quite.

That said, back to your story, your description here is very good. It makes it easy to be pulled into the story. As you can imagine the landscape, you can see it happening before your eyes. It's something I've noticed in another story of yours and it is such a strong quality to your writing!

You are also very gifted in the art of imagery. "The icy coldness that was spreading from her heart." Sentences like this give the story a good, beautiful flow I think.
I also like that you took an Albus quote, changed it a bit and integrated it in your story. It is a strong sentence. It was a good reminder of the books.
Another strong line: Warmth came from the people who dwelled there.

I really like Amelia's character and how you maintained it. So much horror has happened to her and she is trying to stand up and be strong. I love strong characters like that! She keeps her hope. I mean, can you imagine losing everything and still trying to will the tears away. Well you DID imagine it of course, but you know what I mean :P
And she had a beauty and the best moment with the library, how could I not love that :D

There was one sentence (two sentences technically) that seemed to have some unneeded repetition.
"creating strange shadows over the room. Twisted, strange shadows that lingered in the corners..."
If this were my story I would probably use a synonym for the second strange. Perhaps I'd use grotesque just to enhance the significance of the shivers they give her.
However, I realise this is nitpicking, it is such a minor thing, and you could easily disregard this.

I love stories that radiate hope and strength and this one did just that. It was a really good read and I'm glad it crossed my path.

Author's Response: Ah, Game of Thrones! Just starting watching that show a couple of weeks ago actually and I am addicted! And now that you've mentioned it I feel like fangirling a little bit...but I'll restrain myself.

Righto. Wow, you think I'm gifted with imagery? Thai is a huge compliment, thank you! I love writing these one-shots, because they are so different to my other chaptered stories and always make a nice change.

Thanks for all the very helpful advice, I'll definitely be re-reading the story and making it as good as I possibly can!


 Report Review

Review #6, by HeyMrsPotter Fragile Bones

10th May 2013:
Hello! Here from the forums with your requested review!

The descriptions you use at the beginning are lovely, you set the scene really well and I loved the connection between her feelings and the weather.

There's a little typo in the paragraph describing her dad-"He was the bravest man Amelia had ever know..." Should be known :)

I like that you don't immediately reveal how her parents died, and even when we find out they died in the fire it still leaves a lot of questions unanswered. The slow revelation of information kept me interested.

Another typo when talking about staying in that one room, "every say" instead of day :)

You say she hasn't seen him until now and then in the next paragraph say that she had only heard his voice. Maybe you could change the bit about not having seen him to, "She hasn't seen him after that, even now that she had moved in with him she had avoided him; never leaving her new room." Or something?

I love the sentence, "warmth came from the people who dwelled there" it describes Hogwarts beautifully.

I think it would be good if you said "even the carpet beneath her feet wasn't warm." rather than saying it was warm, it would be more fitting with the cold feel that you've described so far.

I really like the description of the library, it's as though its separate from the rest of the house and the memory of her mum reading with her is a lovely touch. I also loved the bit about books being friends, almost as if she'll find comfort with them. You've used a semi-colon in wouldn't rather than an apostrophe though-"wouldn;t"

You worked the quote in really well, I adored the ending, how Amelia and her Uncle bonded over their love of books and their sorrow at the loss of her Mother and that he helped her to realise she had to keep fighting for the sake of her parents. This was a lovely read, I particularly enjoyed your descriptions throughout and it definitely held my interest!
Good luck in the challenge :)

Author's Response: Hey there!

I'm glad you liked the descriptions - I was definitely working on those in this one-shot, as they're one of my weaknesses!

I'm also glad you liked the library scene - it was definitely fun to write. I've always loved the idea of having a big old library to read in!

Thanks for all the advice and taking the time to read this review!

 Report Review

Review #7, by nott theodore Fragile Bones

2nd May 2013:

I saw this story on your page and wanted to read it because I noticed it was new and didn't have any reviews yet. Then I noticed it was about a minor character and dark and angsty - try and stop me!

I am so pleased that I decided to read this, because I really enjoyed it. It's completely different to anything I've read on this site and seems really original and unique. Minor characters are some of my favourites because there's so much you can explore with them, and this did that very well.

I grasped quite quickly that it was Amelia Bones, although you never actually say it (at least, I think it is. It's going to be embarrassing if it isn't, because I'm basing my whole review on that premise) and I'm impressed by the depth you managed to add to her character in this one-shot. Although our view of her is coloured positively from the books, she came to life in this story as a vivid and believable character.

I thought that you described her loss very effectively. She couldn't help remembering what she had lost and seemed to be almost consumed by grief. I loved the way you showed that by describing things like how she hadn't changed out of her nightdress for the three weeks since her parents died. You managed to give her parents a personality and make them realistic, explaining why she misses them so much. And then, when I thought she couldn't have lost any more after her family and her home, you include the little detail about the bear being burnt in the fire, to really emphasise how alone Amelia is. I felt so sorry for her during that section.

The discovery of the library was brilliant, and it sounds like my idea of an absolute heaven! After you had described everything that Amelia had lost, I felt so pleased that she found something to remind her of her mother and give her some happiness in the book.

The entrance of her Uncle Alfred was interesting, and I thought you developed his character well through the story. At the beginning, he seemed quite sinister and distant to Amelia, but then we see that her perception of him was coloured by her grief. Towards the end I enjoyed seeing him as a much nicer, compassionate character than I had originally thought, and the fact that Amelia realised that she did still have something left of her family after all was really quite sweet. You worked the quote in flawlessly as well.

I found the ending particularly poignant, because it seems to foreshadow what happens to Amelia in the books. She seems very young and innocent here, and it's a good contrast to her portrayal in the books. It's quite moving to think that she wanted to fight for her parents, as we know that she went on to become a powerful witch, and unfortunately met the same end as her family.

I'll just point out a few typos I noticed:
"He was the bravest man Amelia had ever know with his dark hair" - known
" Every say, every long, monotonous day" - say should be day
"that's what books were, weren;t they?" - weren't

This was an enjoyable and thought-provoking one-shot, and I'm so happy that I got the chance to read it. Good luck in the challenge!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hey there - thanks so much for the review! It's always nice (and sometimes quite nerve-wracking) to read the first one of a story.

I'm glad you enjoyed this! And yes, it sure was Amelia Bones and it's great that you thought she was a believable character. We really don't know much about her, which is why I wanted to use her as my main character.

I really wish I had a library like that in my house! As you said before, she had lost a lot, so I was glad yo give her a little happiness.

I had no idea who Uncle Alfred was going to be as I wrote him, to be honest. He just sort of...came to me! But he was definitely a necessary character for Amelia to begin to leave her grief behind.

Thank you so much for the lovely review!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login