Reading Reviews for Beautiful
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by NinthHorcrux I.

22nd January 2014:
Hi! Read your story and found it extremely interesting!

I'm curious though about a lot of things. First, who is Victoria Potter and how is/is she related to Harry? also, what era is this in? You just put "other" so now I'm REALLY curious! Also, I'm wondering how your main character is canon...I don't remember ever hearing that name. Was she a sorting hat character?

So, your story. It was very good, well-written. It's snappy and intriguing. You displayed points very well. I found Sacharissa's opinions well supported and agreed on quite a few. She's right that first impression is extremely effective as to what a person thinks of another. It's just so interesting to see how her mind works! She's definitely got a unique voice...so good job!

Don't get me wrong...I like the idea of her trying to win over this guy's heart with looks alone, but marriage seems slightly extreme. How old are they? I mean, they're still at school so...maybe it would work better to have them go out or something. That's just my opinion.

About your story being too short...it was so well built up and then sort of ended abruptly, leaving me like "Wha...?!?!" ;) anyway, I think this would be, if you want to, very cool to follow up on with a few more chapters...maybe...? It's all up to you of course, as the author.

I really like the magical element to this too, with beauty potions.

Well done! I enjoyed this story a lot and found it extremely intriguing! Of course I long for more, but if you don't want to that's all fine of course. :) Good work!

Author's Response: Sacharissa Tugwood is a canon character; she was the creator of the beauty potions and she was born in 1874, explaining why she is focused on marriage. The wizarding world is rather behind than the Muggle world when it comes to societal standards and such in my opinion, and even if they weren't, marriage seemed more like the priority for women in the 19th century.

I'm glad that you liked the story! I really appreciate your comments and constructive criticism! :)


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Review #2, by Bobby Dazzler I.

6th May 2013:
Hey Claire!

First off I would like to kick off this review with a huge SORRY for not reading and reviewing this sooner, particularly before the challenge actually ended - feel incredibly slack for that but unfortunately I have had endless problems with my laptop and been unable to use it, which unfortunately meant unable to read this too, so I am very, very sorry about that :(

Now that that's all said and done, let me first congratulate you on a very unique interpretation of the challenge. I wasn't expecting something like this, but I very much enjoyed it! It was definitely original, well done :)

My favourite part of this is, although it was written from Sacharissa's POV, granted being third person, we don't know much about her. Yes, she is a perfectionist. Yes, she invented a potion. She's in her 7th year. She's friends with a few people. But as for herself, we don't know much. Her hair colour, her eyes. We know a little about her outward appearance, but only from being compared to others who she sees as being perfect, and THAT'S what I loved about it. We learnt who she was and what she was about by her obsessive comparison to her views of perfection in others, and only saw her focusing on the negativity in herself. Reason I love it so much is cuz it was a different way of getting that message across without being obvious, "she didn't like her body, or grades, or blah blah" - where's the fun in that?! I really admire how you got everything you needed to get across without going the obvious route, well done!

The characterisation, plot, flow and description were all great. I can't fault it, and you followed the challenge guidelines wonderfully, and interpreted them in your own way which is even better. I enjoyed every minute reading this, so thank you so much for taking the time to enter the comp and writing such a clever little peice (sometimes short stories are all that's needed without killing it with too much info, so don't stress about that, you did great :)) I know the challenge has ended, but I have one more story to read now and I will get back to you on the forums how you went ok :) But thank you very, very much for taking the time to enter this challenge, and I am very sorry that I was unable to judge it on time due to technical difficulties. It was great, thank you :) Kate xx

Author's Response: oh of course!! don't worry about it; computer problems happens to everyone ^^

I'm glad that you liked that we knew little about what Sacharissa disliked about herself because most of the time, I feel that feeling dissatisfied with yourself isn't just about wanting to fix one thing. At least to me, it's this feeling of over-all inferiority (even if it's not true) that really takes over when you want to be perfect, etc.

Writing short stories are definitely my favorite; it's not only challenging but I love to be able to know that I can, to the best of my ability, convey a message in as little words as possibly needed.

This was a WONDERFUL challenge!!! I'm glad that I entered too! Thanks so much! (:


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Review #3, by nott theodore I.

27th April 2013:
I saw the challenge over on the forums that you wrote this for, and I think that this is a really interesting interpretation of it. I don't think that it was too short at all - you managed to tell the story well in the words that you did use.

I thought your real strength here was your characterisation. I feel like I have a good handle on Sacharissa's character and the reasons for her creating the beautification potion. She's clearly a perfectionist in all aspects of her life, and she doesn't like failing in anything. The way you keep referring to her E in Charms really highlights her need for perfection and her perception of failure. It doesn't really surprise me that someone with such a perfectionist nature would want to beautiful as well, especially spending so much time with a friend who she believed was so much more beautiful than her.

Another element I enjoyed was the inclusion of other names that we recognise from the books, because I always feel that makes stories like this feel much more authentic and believable. I particularly enjoyed the mention of Arsenius Jigger, and the fact that although (however much she denied it) he was part of her motives for creating the potion, he became irrelevant to her once she had achieved perfection.

I did notice one small mistake in this - it should be hand in marriage instead of 'hand at marriage'.

I think you wrote this really well, and good luck in the challenge!

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: I'm really glad that you found the length of this okay and that there was good characterization! I always feel that it's the most important to be able to convey a lot in little words.

Also, I'm glad you noticed that she DID keep referring to her E because I really did want to try to portray that even though an E is really good, she wanted all O's and that says something about her personality.

Thanks so much for reviewing! I'll definitely go back and fix that error!

Thanks (:


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Review #4, by house elf I.

22nd April 2013:
oooh this is super interesting. Interesting take
on the history of Beauty Potions, something
that I've never really thought about to be
honset. :)

I did a quick search before reading because I'd
never heard of this canon character and, well,
it's crazy to realise just how thoroughly JKR
created this world! :P

It was pretty short, but I think you managed to
get the point across in the 600 words. Short
and sweet :)

Author's Response: haha well, I did get the inspiration for this from the Potions' challenge, but I always thought it would be interesting to write about creating a beauty potion.

I definitely was suprised too! Sacharissa Tugwood isn't mine! JKR created her!

Thanks so much for your wonderful review! (:


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