Reading Reviews for Hogwarts Champion!
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by santosh Duel!

22nd August 2013:
Please write some more!

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Review #2, by 800 words of heaven A Flawed History of Magic

20th June 2013:
Hello! This is a very much overdue requested review!

Haha! I giggled at the bit when Bathilda made an appearance. I love the way you just said what everyone was thinking - "Isn't she dead?" It was very amusing!

I love the way you've almost caricaturised the "nerdy" kids. Of course, someone like Hermione would enjoy this, and the Ravenclaws are having the time of their life, too. The Slytherins are all sort of dumb, which I also understand in the sense that you've taken each individual's and House's most striking characteristics, and taken them to the extreme.

I laughed out loud at Zacharias during the test. We know very little about him, but it was amusing that he got things mixed up because he literally read everything at once!

Ooh! Tension between the contestants! You asked whether I was picturing things in my head or not, and I really am. Everything is very episodic, so it's like reading an episode of Survivor, which I'm really loving as a writing style. Everything so far has me reminiscing about that show. Weird challenges, with weird judges, and all these rivalries, and outsiders... it's great fun!

I don't understand why they've been split up into girls and boys? Is this to keep gender numbers even for a while?

I laughed once again when it was Pansy who wasn't eliminated! What an entry!

Characterisation wise, as far as how much they deviate from canon, in my opinion, it's quite a bit. They all seem to be extreme versions of themselves, but for this story, I think it really works! It adds to atmosphere of melodrama, and competition, and excitement!

So this was a really nice laugh! Good job!

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Review #3, by HPManiacs Danger in the Sky

26th May 2013:
Pretty good! Ready to see what happens next!

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Review #4, by Lululuna A Flawed History of Magic

6th May 2013:
Hello, here for your requested review!

I like how you've expanded on this story from the first chapter, and managed to focus more precisely on a few key characters. Since there are so many at the moment, I think that zoning in on three or so is really effective in creating a strong story that readers can follow. I really liked the focus on Zacharias Smith and how well he was characterized, and am sad that he got eliminated!

Another character I'm really liking is Moaning Myrtle and her friendship with Draco. The part with Pansy was really funny as well, especially the last line. The only thing I'd watch out for with Myrtle is not making her into a Mary-Sue: she must be very intelligent to have beaten Hermione in a history of Hogwarts test, especially considering how much Hermione loves 'Hogwarts, A History!' Also, Myrtle's character in the books is very irritating and immature, so maybe keep an eye out for hinting at that. :)

You asked about description and imagery in your request. I think that adding more physical descriptions, even if it's just small physical qualities of the characters, would help to make this story stronger. You have a good narrative voice, but adding little details and descriptions of the settings and the characters would help polish the story a little more. So far, most of the characters seem to be portrayed very well in accordance with canon, especially Hermione, Zacharias and Pansy.

I think I mentioned this in the last review, but this story is formatted as a kind of reality TV show, right? I think it would be neat if you added in some details showing this: for example, who are the viewers rooting for? Is anyone nervous about being on TV? Are there interviews with the hosts? Something to think about, anyway. :)

I'm excited to see how Hermione will act as the challenges continue, and how she will try to be the best for her own sake and not for her team's. I'm also curious about what other challenges you'll come up with! :)

Author's Response: Hi Lululuna!

Thank you for the review.

I figured that Myrtle was a Ravenclaw, and plus the fact that she is technically older that all the other contestants, and that she, for lack of a better word, lived through more than the others, she would know more, even more than Hermione!

I was thinking of doing either like a separate story, doing a couple blog posts, or just doing a whole chapter dedicated to what the viewers are thinking. What would you recommend?

A couple of my favorite challenges are coming up soon. The next challenge is already up if you are interested in viewing right away.



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Review #5, by Broken Butterfly Into the Castle

3rd May 2013:
This is different. I'm not quite sure what my opinion of the plot is, just yet. It is well written, but more tell taleing than actually describing the story. I don't mind, but use of a little more Imergery to help visualize a clear picture of the surrondings, people's clothes, the ressurection stone, wouldn't hurt. Nothing is to OOC for your Characters but I have not quite connected with any of them either. Kudos to you however, for teh Clever Idea af bringing "Moaning" myrtle Back to life and making her a key part of the fic. This Is great, I feel that it is easy to forget about moaning myrtle becuase of her minority in the HP books. So I like and admire the idea to focus on her a bit more. It would be hard for me to say I like this, without a connection to the charaters, but I believe that the story is well written and interesting enough to make me want to read more. Its Good, so keep up the great work and see where the story will take you.

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Review #6, by patronus_charm Into the Castle

2nd May 2013:
Tag!

I have to say I was a bit wary of reading this, as AU doesn’t appeal to me much, but I really, really enjoyed it. It was so refreshing and different, yet at the same time it reminded me of JK’s original style a lot, so it was like coming home with fresh paint on the door you could say.

I really liked the idea of Ludo and Harry being the judges, it made me laugh, as they’re probably going to be a rather dynamic duo. I also liked the addition of Skeeter, and she was perfectly in character.

I have to say that all of your other characterisations were also spot on, and I think a special mention has to go to how Hermione reacted to Skeeter being present. Wub, I loved it so much, as you just kept them original and I really can’t describe how great and wonderful that was. Then the addition of Myrtle was also brilliantly original, as you never expected her to take part, and it was great to see her there.

A minor note on the layout, it may have been mentioned before, but the text was shifted towards the left, and though it wasn’t off putting it didn’t look in a presentational way. I also have to note in this section ‘From Gryffindor"(At the mention of
Gryffindor, Rita started pointing her quill at Hermione, Ron Weasley,
Neville Longbottom, Ginny Weasley, and the rest of the Gryffindors
before counting everyone else. She furiously took down her first notes
of the games)"to Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff to Slytherin,’ and some of the others, you dialogue punctuation was a little off. As Hermione’s thoughts weren’t dialogue related you need a full stop after Gryffindor and at the end of her thoughts.

Other than that it was thoroughly enjoyable!

-Kiana

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Review #7, by Jchrissy Into the Castle

1st May 2013:
Review tag! Hi there!

I'm sure someone has pointed this out, but your format is a bit off. I know that probably doesn't seem like a huge thing, but having your first chapter look as clean as possible is a really important aspect of getting new readers. When you update a chapter and your story goes to the
'recently added' list, you'll have people click on it out of curiosity and the odd paragraphs can be a big turn off. I'd definitely suggest either using the 'paste as plain text' option or using the simple editor option.

On to the story! This is a really interest start! AU can be a lot of fun, and I like that you're bringing back so many students we know from Hogwarts!

Having Harry and Ludo as judges together is a really creative idea. I wonder how long until they get on one another's nerves? :P

I'm anxious to see if Rita ends up sticking to her word and writing unbiased, factual articles or if she'll pull the same stuff we know so well.

The competitors being required to sleep out in the tents is an awesome way to show that it really is a competition. Giving them a more rugged living quarters as opposed to the comforts of the castle is a really fun idea!

I do think you could benefit from doing a little more showings vs. telling and really helping us create a mental image. Like here:

Ludo and Harry led the contestants and Rita inside the castle. The students looked around in awe at the castle they learned from. Not a single piece of damage from the final battle was present.

You tell us that they're in awe and that there is no sign of the damage, but what about showing us? If you wanted to do it from Harry's perspective you could do something like:

Ludo and Harry led the group through the heavy doors of the castle, and from behind Harry could hear a chorus of gasps and murmurs. A small smile crept over his lips as he realized what the excitement was about; this was the first time they'd seen the school since the final battle, since the countess hours that had been spent putting the large concoction of magic and wood back together. Harry had been treated to an early peek at it considering he'd been in and out helping Ludo set up, but the beauty of it still surprised him.

So that ^ is sort of what I mean by showing vs telling. Not the best paragraph I've ever written, but you get the idea :P

I do think you're off to a great start on what promises to be a fun story! And I'm happy to see Lavender is as annoying as ever, haha.

Author's Response: Hi Jchrissy!

Thank you for the review. The next couple of chapters should look better. I just made a mistake on the formatting, and fixed it.

I will try to work on the show more, tell less aspect, although the next two chapters have already been submitted and I don't have any changes.

Thank you for the advice and I hope you read more!


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Review #8, by alicia and anne Into the Castle

29th April 2013:
I really like the opening, how students are coming back to the school even though it's the summer. I wonder what Harry and Ludo are picking them for? It's got to be a big event.

Oh it's a challenge to determine who was the best Witch or Wizard of Hogwarts, oh wow I've never read anything like that before.

Hermione's there? Well she would win the brightest witch :p

Oh wow, I really like that twist of having Myrtle as a contestant for the competition, I wasn't expecting that at all. I loved her little wave at Draco and Pansy glaring at her for it :D

I'm actually quite excited about what they're going to have to do to compete, and how everyone is going to cope.

Oh that was mean of Neville to say :-( I wonder who Ron and Hermione are going to choose? Maybe Myrtle? Yes I was right about them picking Myrtle.

Aww poor Zacharias, as bad as he is I felt sorry that he didn't have a team and noone wanted him.

I really liked this chapter, it was very informative and quite gripping. I'm so glad that I read this. :D

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Review #9, by Lululuna Into the Castle

29th April 2013:
Review tag! :)

So this seems like an interesting beginning to a story! I love the idea of wizards getting involves in reality television, and I'm interested to see how you progress and play around with that idea. It would be interesting if you described what happened on and off the cameras, and maybe the thoughts of some of the cameramen as well!

Uh oh, Rita Skeeter showing up should be interesting! I wonder what havoc she is going to cause. :P I also thought it was funny how Pansy got excited, it seemed very typical of her!

Myrtle being a participant is an interesting twist! I hope she does well, and I'd love to see how she gets along and interacts with the other competitors, who only know her as this annoying ghost. I'm glad she allied herself with Ron and Hermione, and it's pretty intriguing how Malfoy was concerned about that.

Zacharias Smith was hilarious! I love how the other Hufflepuffs rejected him for not being a good 'Puff. I felt a little sorry for him!

Good job! :)

Author's Response: If you felt sorry for him now, wait until next chapter

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Review #10, by 800 words of heaven Into the Castle

24th April 2013:
REVIEW TAG!

Oh, my goodness! This story looks like so much fun! I love that little bit of meta-humour from Cho about the Resurrection Stone. Very inspired!

Ooh! Alliances! So Neville's ditched Ron and Hermione, huh? And Myrtle's joined the gang. This should make for some interesting shenanigans! And Astoria and Draco are allies? Do I smell romance in the air?

Good job with this! I'll be excited to see what the first challenge will be!

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Review #11, by Maelody Into the Castle

23rd April 2013:
Hey! I can't wait until you get this all updated here on the site! :) I'll keep my mouth shut since I already know most of the next few chapters, but I'll comment so you know you have me over here! :)

Yeah, the formatting is a bit off (and makes it even smaller to read on my iPad). Have you used the Copy as Plain Text option? That always helps. :) Also, if you are going to link your blog entry in your story synopsis, you should probably rate it so you don't get in trouble. :) A good 12+ will help ;).

Yeah! I like this story, you know that! Just get it all uploaded on here and I can comment without worrying that I'll spoil anything for others! :D

Welcome to the site and congrats on the publishing of your first story!

Author's Response: Thanks Mae.

While maybe you can't spoil things for the other readers, maybe you can help others understand what is going on in the story at the time they are published.


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Review #12, by stargazer Into the Castle

23rd April 2013:
Oh I love how you brought Myrtle back. A bit confusing as to why Harry is host when he's the same age as the other students. Is it because he's the chosen one? Poor Zacharias, no one wants him on their team. But I like how Myrtle is on team Ron/Hermione and how Draco doesn't like that at all. I have to say that the formating of the story is a bit weird, being pushed all to one side like that. It doesn't make it hard to read, since you spaced out your paragraphs well, but it's just a bit different than that of the normal formatting here. Keep writing and best of luck with this story! It will be interesting to see which team wins.

Author's Response: Hello Stargazer.

Yes, Harry is a host because of his chosen one status. Plus he already competed in the Triwizard Tournament and won that, so he doesn't need to compete again.

Only one person is going to win. But who shall it be?


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Review #13, by ginnys twin Into the Castle

22nd April 2013:
Hi, this is a bit of a new concept!

First off, I was wondering why the paragraphs were written funny. I personally feel it takes away from the story. I liked how Luna, Ginny, and Neville didn't want to be with Ron and Hermione. I feel it's a new take on them and this way we can see how both teams do without the other.

I also don't understand how Harry is hosting if Ron and Hermione are contestants. It just doesn't work out age wise. I do like that your giving a chance for Ron and Hermione to do stuff on their own, but the ages don't add up for me.

Last, I LOVED The addition of Myrtle, that is one of the most creative things I have ever seen. Anyway, the books said Harry left the stone in the forest. Also, I think that 38 competitors are too many, but that's just my opinion.

Overall, nicely done! Can't wait to see where this goes.

-katty01/ginnys twin

Author's Response: Hello Katty01/ginnys twin, thank you for the response to my story.

Harry is co-hosting with Ludo because he is already one of the most amazing wizards to come out of Hogwarts in the eye of the public. This competition is for the next best thing to come out of the school.

There's actually a lot of students older than Harry in this competition. I'll put the competitors list in the story synopsis.

I've posted this story on a different site, which was more of a forum, which in turn if probably why the paragraphs are made the way they are.

Don't worry about the number of contestants, there will be many double eliminations to quickly wind that number down.

Once again, thank you for the review, and hope you read more!


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