Reading Reviews for Always Yours
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ATLpaintingflowers Ramsey Family

24th August 2013:
ATLpaintingflowers here with your requested review!
This is quite an original idea, I haven't really ever read a story like this. I had a few questions: Where did Cleo go to school before? And when she goes to Hogwarts will she be starting off as a first year? I would assume so, since she hasn't learnt anything about magic. I feel like Cleo should've been a bit more nervous, since she is going to a school where she doesn't know anyone, and I assume it'll be a bit of a culture shock for her since everything will be so much different than what she's used to. Other than that, I think this was well written, it flowed well, and I could see no grammar or spelling mistakes. It's a nice story. This was also new for me, because I usually tend to read only Next-gen or marauders era fics, so this was a pleasant surprise.

Author's Response: sorry for the late reply! Cleo went to a muggle school before and started off as a seventh year as it is mentioned in later chapter, it is more like an exchange program for a year, although she was already graduated from her school. Oh she was nervous, but being a model she was trained to overcome this. But she did have a culture shock because in later chapter because she got scared over Hogwarts ghosts, etc :)

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Review #2, by CrAzYaboutHP The Malfoys

9th August 2013:
So glad that you have updated! Great story and concept. Love it, update again soon please

Author's Response: thank you! working on it :)

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Review #3, by MC_HK The Journey Begins

7th August 2013:
I don't want this to sound mean, but I strongly encourage you to get the help of a beta reader. I see a lot of grammar, tense, and spelling errors. There are sentences that are missing words, and really mess up the flow. It's not a bad chapter; I find the plot rather interesting, in fact. It's just that a lot of the things that I mentioned earlier can mask even the best of plots, and should really be taken care of.

I do really like the pacing of this story though. Not too fast, not too slow, and you have a good amount of detail and description.

Until next time, MC_HK

Author's Response: Yes, I know that. I've been trying to find a beta actually. Anyways, thank you for the feedback :)

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Review #4, by rozen_maiden The Malfoys

6th August 2013:
Harry and Cleo are pretty cute. I wonder how he will go when he finds out about Draco - and what Draco's going to do about his parents.
I really liked reading the scene involving Narcissa and Lucius, and I loved the fact that McGonagall still made them feel uncomfortable, haha
There were a few grammar mistakes, etc. throughout the chapter, but it's nothing a beta wouldn't fix. I'm curious to know what will happen with Cleo and Draco and Harry. That's looking like a messy love triangle ;)
Sorry about the short review this time (I'm running late for uni :( ) but I'm looking forward to another update! :)
- Mahalia

Author's Response: Yay, glad to know you liked the scene. As for Cleo, Draco, and Harry, messy indeed! You have no idea the things I plan for them in my head now ;)
That's no problem! I love your reviews, they encouraged me want to write more! Thank you so much :)


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Review #5, by rozen_maiden Insufferable Git

2nd August 2013:
Hey, it's me again :) Your writing is coming along so nicely, and I'm really starting to enjoy this story! Lucius and Narcissa are interesting additions, and I'm curious to read what they have to say to Cleo. Your canon is pretty spot on so far. I especially loved this line:
"Seems like Gryffindor just got another Granger."
Really clever tie in there.. Anyway, I'll be looking out for your next update! As I said, this is coming along very well,
- Mahalia

Author's Response: wow thank you so much! Glad to know I'm getting better with my writing :) Anyways, I've submitted the next chapter and it's should be up soon hopefully. Thank you again for reviewing, I'm looking forward for your Kamikaze update :D

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Review #6, by rozen_maiden The Journey Begins

28th July 2013:
Hey, I thought I would review both chapter 2 and 3 together, just in case I missed something :)
The first thing I want to say is: you're a really great writer. Your sentences and words are never out of place, and you describe things really well and in a way that isn't clunky and awkward for people to read. I find it really enjoyable reading how you describe your characters as well - I can picture them effortlessly in my mind.

You portrayal of Draco in this chapter and last were spot on. He has the attitude I expect of him - down to the cowardly hiding to avoid the Malfoy shame (I'm not sure if that was intentional, but it worked well, I found). It doesn't surprise me that his parents had a potential wife in mind for him either. The fact that they still focus heavily on blood status rings real true to the Malfoy image.

Cleo as a character is good. I'm interested to see where you are taking her relationship with the characters you've introduced. I'm imaging you have a million plot bunnies running through your head right now :)

-Mahalia

Author's Response: eee, thank you so much! this really made my day! oh believe me, I do have lots of plots for this story :p

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Review #7, by rozen_maiden Ramsey Family

26th July 2013:
Hey, it's Mahalia from the forums with your RR.
This chapter was really quite good! Aside from a few grammar errors (nothing a beta can't fix), you introduced your characters very well. I didn't really find myself asking many questions about your OC or her family, as you seemed to explain everything - but, not all in one go. I find that many people will do this, and it feels like I'm reading an essay instead of a story, but I really didn't get that feeling with this chapter.

Stephanos sounds like an interesting character - it's not very often I read about pure-blood families who don't 1) involve themselves in Death Eater activity, and 2) interact with Muggles (obviously aside from the Weasleys). However, concerning this, you said that Stephanos was friends with Lucius Malfoy, which, isn't too much of a problem, but he's quite against anybody he knows interacting with Muggles (hence him calling the Weasley's 'blood traitors'). I hope that kind of made sense, and it really isn't too much of an issue, but just something to keep in mind with canon :) Maybe if you even highlighted that Malfoy was friends with Stephanos before he decided to live as a Muggle.

-Mahalia

Author's Response: thank you for the review, wil keep that in mind :)

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Review #8, by MC_HK Long lost fiancée

16th July 2013:
You have good dialogue between Draco and Cleo. It's really witty and fast-paced, and that makes it enjoyable for me to read. Your imagery is also well executed and adds to your story.

Right off the bat I can spot some punctuation errors and a few grammar errors. They aren't too major, but they should be fixed just to help make the flow of the story smoother.

"Unfortunately for Draco, his parents didn't allow him to just quit after his sixth year. They thought it was crucial for Draco to finish his education despite all that had happened. Narcissa and Lucius required that he return to school." This sentence is kind of repetitive. Be careful to not repeat ideas in different spots of a paragraph, as it becomes tedious for the reader.

Cleo's personality kind of confuses me. She seemed to be really unhappy to go to Hogwarts, but now in this chapter she almost seems a bit eager. She also seems very easily put off by Draco, who just didn't know what her iPhone was. And she also didn't leave when she thoguht Draco was working for a magazine. If her personality could be smoothed out a bit more, I think that I would like reading her character more.

This is still a good chapter. You've got a good base that just needs a little bit of work done. Other than what I've mentioned here, you have the very good Draco who isn't OOC.

Always a good read, MC_HK

Author's Response: Cleo is a model, it makes sense that she is trained to be always friendly toward people, which that's what she did to Draco. I wasn't aware that I made her seem eager with that, but thank you for pointing that out. And thank you for the review, hopefully I'll be more careful next time :)

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Review #9, by MC_HK Ramsey Family

13th July 2013:
Hello :)

This chapter has a lot of potential, but I don't mean that in a bad way. You have a good base here in showcasing the plot, the personalities of the characters, and their backgrounds. To me, that is a very component to have in the first couple chapters of the story as it gives the reader a real grasp on what you're writing and your writing style (which is very good). I also like the idea of her coming up muggle simply because its different from most other things I've read.

Regarding flow: I spy a couple tense problems sprinkled throughout, but aren't a huge deal. There are some punctuation errors as well due to added commas where they don't need to be. I also find that you have a lot of repetitive words here, and that almost makes me slow down and have to re-read because I need to make sure I'm reading it right. It also can make a story monotonous, so watch out for that.

I have to ask why Stephanos would be scared of his family's well-being after Voldemort dies? Yes, he's a pure blood, but is he a death eater? To me this really kind of hinders me off the story because I don't really understand why a pure-blood would want to live a muggle life, as they are very much proud of their roots. I'm sure you have your reasons for making it that way, so maybe put in more detail as to why he's scared for his family because to me it doesn't really make sense.

Like I said, this is still a good start and with a bit of tweaking, could be a great start. I hope what I said doesn't discourage you because I'd still like to see where this is going. Feel free to re-request :) MC_HK

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Unlike most Slytherins, Stephanos isn't a death eater. I picture him more like Blaise Zabini in the book, a reserved person who mostly kept himself but still get along with other people, especially Lucius even though he didn't follow him to be a death eater. He was prejudiced against muggle yes, but also loves his family too much (especially his daughter) that he would do anything to keep them save. Being a good friends with Lucius, he absolutely knows how powerful Voldemort is and somehow felt he couldn't just die like that. So that's why he decided to move his family to the muggle world, no matter how much he despised it and has grown accustomed to it eventually. I hope you understand! Once again, thank you for the review. I really appreciate it! I'll try to be better next time :-)

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Review #10, by Alysea Insufferable Git

30th June 2013:
Im still on the fence about this story. I like your Origional Character, but there are just some small things that bother me. For example, why does she get her own room, and why would they bother enchanting her electronics to work in the castle.
There are also some grammatical errors. You also seem to have made McGonagall absent minded, and I am curious as to why. You have a pretty good start though. Im just kind of a stickler with grammar.

Author's Response: about that, it will be explained in later chapter :) as for Professor McGonagall, I'm aware that she's sort of OOC, I'm not really good at portraying her :( Also for grammatical error, I apologise for that as english isn't my native language. But this story is currently being revised by my beta (I just got a beta reader like two weeks ago), so hopefully it will all be fixed as well as McGonagall matter. Thank you for your review though, I appreciate it :)

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Review #11, by Harveyboy Insufferable Git

25th June 2013:
Very interested to find out more about this story...will definitely look out for your next chapter...

Author's Response: thank you, I'm still working on the next chapter :)

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Review #12, by Alysea Long lost fiancée

19th June 2013:
Chapter one was a bit rocky, but this one is much better. interesting start. :)

Author's Response: yeah, that one wasn't beta-ed, will re-upload the edited one soon. thank you :)

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Review #13, by lOvE123 Insufferable Git

9th June 2013:
love it, please update soon please

Author's Response: thank you, I'm on it! x :)

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Review #14, by miluv Insufferable Git

8th June 2013:
OMG this is so good! I love it, update asap!
xox miluv

Author's Response: thank you! i'm working on it x

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