Reading Reviews for Lycanthrope
  
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TenthWeasley Ava Fen

15th April 2013:
Ooh! This is an intriguing first chapter! You've hooked me in already; it makes me want to read more, and know how Ava's job is going to turn out, and who the mysterious man from the summary is. And the worker killed by a werewolf! Ooh, that would be terrifying. The First Wizarding War was a grim time, to be sure.

I like Ava already, even though we don't know very much about her. She definitely seems smart, if only going by the fact that she got O's on her O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. exams. Not to mention she knows the Ministry's been infiltrated, too.

There are a few points I might make, just to help your story -- the first is that speaking characters generally get their own paragraph, even if the paragraphs end up being a bit short. Rosmerta and Ava's conversation should be split up into more paragraphs to better indicate who's speaking.

The second thing I think could help you would be to keep a constant tense. You often switch between present and past tense for your story, like here:

The room was small, and very cluttered. To the right side of the room, a grand fireplace majestically stands

You should either write "The room is small" or "a grand fireplace majestically stood." You can write the story in either tense, but be consistent!

Overall, though, I think you've got a good start to a story here. I really do want to know where you're going with it! I'll be keeping my eyes out to see if you update. :)

Author's Response: Thank-you so much! I was thrilled with this response, and don't worry, the story gets very exciting :) The second chapter should be up soon, not too much happens in the second chapter, but it just gives you an overview of Ava's first day of work! And about the constant tense, I agree, and I do need to work on that! I was stressing over it, but I still cant decide which I find easier to write in. but, I will work on it :) Thankyou so much again, it is my first fanfiction so im very excited to carry on writing it :D

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