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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Aphoride She was his redemption.

7th May 2013:
Hey there! Just dropping by for team bronze ;)

So, first off, I adore Draco/Astoria. They're such a fascinating couple, because of what we know of Draco and his family - particularly after the war, I think - and the fact that we know virtually nothing about Astoria.

I loved how you characterised both of them throughout this. They were both obviously human, flawed and insecure about things, but at the same time impetuous and clever and learning things along the way. I like that. Your Draco was nice too - it was good to see someone not writing him as a total softie when in love, but also not as a total jerk. He still retained some kind of Malfoy spark, if you know what I mean. And Astoria! With the Killing Curse! Wow! I love that you included that - and that she was shaking from it. Of course she would be, she's just killed someone, and that isn't something most people get over straight away!

The one thing I would mention is that you might want to go through this and edit it with a bit more emphasis on 'show, not tell'. I love the way you've done it - with little sections detailing an important moment - but with emotions and things, don't tell us what they're feeling, show us. Describe facial expressions, gestures, etc. It wouldn't matter too much if you included a little bit more description in general, as well, I think ;)

The style was lovely. I like how simplistic you kept it throughout, as it reflected so nicely on their relationship - that, despite everything, 'they' were easy, you know? It was easy to be 'them' during the war and after, because it made sense. I like that feeling.

I also love the little touches here and there - the mention of the shop having previously belonged to someone else, using Malfoy Manor as a home for orphaned children, Slughorn's parties, etc. It was really, really great. It was just the right amount of detail for the story :)

The mention of supporting characters was great - with Daphne and Blaise and the rest. I loved the inclusion of Lucius and Narcissa. I've read quite a lot of Drastorias and people sometimes forget to include them, or barely include them, so it was nice to see them turn up in this and actually have a part!

Ooh, a quick thing I just remembered: a 'diploma' in England generally means a university degree, so Draco wouldn't have one when he's just leaving school ;) It's a bit fussy, tbh, but I read it a couple of times, not quite sure why he had a degree :)

So yeah, I really enjoyed this! It was succint and really sweet and I loved the characterisation and the style you wrote it in. It made me smile :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: your review just made my day, so thank you :) and thank you so much for the constructive feedback- i will definitely go back and fix things based on your suggestions. thanks so much again for your super amazing review, and I'm really glad that you enjoyed this story!
~M


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Review #2, by Calypso  She was his redemption.

5th May 2013:
Here from the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

This is one of the cutest fics I've read in a while, and bearing in mind, I'm not very hot on Rihanna, that's pretty impressive! (I do love a good Draco/Astoria though :) )

First off, I loved your Astoria- she seemed so sweet. I liked her shyness in the first scene at Slug Club where she was hiding behind her hair- that was a lovely little detail, and her concern about Draco seemed veyr human right through this piece. I've never imagined them getting together at Hogwarts, but you really made it work, with Astoria's quieter personality. I enjoyed her passion for Potions as well- maybe you could work that into the narrative a little more?
On the subject of characterisation, I also loved your Narcissa. I've always sort of hoped that she'd find some way to move on after the battle, especially after she's saved Harry's life, so I think her gesture here is a great way of showing that and very original.

Your writing also flowed really nicely, and the time jumps didn't seem to interrupt it at all. I sort of liked the effect they created, like we were seeing a series of snapshots from the couple's lives...

I also liked how you used the song, especially at the end with the repetition of "We found love in a hopeless place"- that was really effective! And Astoria's Apothecary is just the most awesome name for a shop- I now want to go there! It was a lovely way of ending a great piece of writing- with all the safety, and security and hope for the future that it seemed to represent :)

-Bethany

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your incredibly sweet review- I'm so glad you like this story. I'm a bit skeptical of Narcissa handing over the Manor just like that, and I do think she has an ulterior motive, though I wasn't sure if I should weave that in, or just leave it fluffy and upbeat.
I'm a fan of alliteration, and so Astoria's Apothecary just felt right- I'm glad you like the name :)
Thanks again for your amazing review- it totally made my day!
~M


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Review #3, by MadiMalfoy She was his redemption.

24th April 2013:
Aw so cute!! :') This is actually quite a good songfic! The song can be used almost universally for any couple trying to get through the war, but you made it unique. :) I'm going to try a few songfics myself in the near future, so hopefully they'll turn out all right! Great job with this, very well written! :) xx

Author's Response: thanks so much, i'm so glad you like it!
~M


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Review #4, by Jchrissy She was his redemption.

17th April 2013:
Hi there! I got your message and wanted to stop by!

This is a really sweet story and I think the lyrics for it fit perfectly. Song fics are definitely a challenge but you did really well on this!

I think starting with the two of them meeting in the slug club was a good idea. You might have a few people that have an issue with it because Draco wasn't in the club, but I don't think it matters and it starts for a really logical way of how they'd have gotten close.

You definitely show a softer side of Draco in this. His and Astoria's conversation in the astronomy tower was very powerful. It was a different Draco than we're used to seeing but it was still so nice to watch them be so open with one another! And the way you continued to move the time line along with the song felt very realistic.

I think Draco's worry in the battle was expressed really well. I loved seeing him so concerned for Astoria's safety and protecting the boy he questioned, and it made the wedding day years from that point even more special &heart;

The after battle scene was almost surreal. If fit really well with how you'd imagine something like that feeling and I love that Astoria was worried about interrupting. You write her in such a sweet and awesome way.

I do have a few comments that are a bit more CC, I hope you don't mind. This was a really really lovely one shot, carefully written with no grammar issues. Feel free to ignore what I say next because it's mainly just opinion stuff.

One thing that allows us to get attached to people and really believe in their bond is by seeing what they can withstand together. We understand they're in a difficult time with the war and everything, but that's sort of glossed over. Maybe showing more of it as opposed to telling would help? Like, instead of you narrating that Draco was having a hard time with his mission by Voldemort you could have him talking with Astoria about it. We could be part of the pain and frustration he feels instead of it being narrated to us. Little things like that throughout really might take this story the extra mile. The other thing that I wanted to mention was Narcissa's behavior. Her actions were incredibly sweet at the end and I do think what she went though and almost lost may be enough to force her to see her wrong doing and wanting to help. I just felt like maybe you could keep her more in character if she was offering the manor but also wanting something in return. What if she bargains for the manor in trade for her, her son, and Lucius to all be pardoned of their trial for the war? That would make us feel like she's changed enough to really be making progress but no so dramatically that it feels a bit fast.

Okay I did this review on my iPhone some hope there aren't too may typos :P

This was such a sweet story and I loved reading your take on how these two fell in love ♥

Jami

Author's Response: thank you so much for your lovely and constructive review- it truly made my day!
I did take your advice about Narcissa and edited the story a little to show that her ego, rather than her maternal instinct was what fueled her offer, and I am going to try to fill in a short draco struggling scene.
Also, I know Draco wasn't in the slug club initially, but I do like to think that during his seventh year at Hogwarts, Slughorn was trying to make nice with some of the more powerful students in order to protect himself either way.
Again, thank you so much for this incredible review!
~M


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