Reading Reviews for A Minor Setback
  
66 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LightLeviosa5443 Chapter the Seventh

10th April 2014:
AHHH. She didn't tell him but there was a kiss!

It's improvement. I'll take anything.

I really liked that Lorcan and Lysander tricked Seraphina into telling them everything, clever clever boys. I also like that you've made them Al's friends. I know so many people make him best friends with Scorp (me included) and it's a nice little change of the usual!

I also really liked Seraphina's freak out before Albus kissed her. So cute and believable! I really really am enjoying this story so far! Update soon hon! (and sorry these reviews are so short, I wanted to review before I forgot, but reviews on my ipad are a nightmare)

xoxo Sarah ♥

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Review #2, by LightLeviosa5443 Chapter Six

10th April 2014:
Gah! I definitely thought she was going to tell him towards the end and send the other boys away!!!

Okay. So, I really liked this chapter, kind of more than the others, I think. It was interesting and I liked how she got sassy with Wesley and told him she wanted to split up. He kind of reminds me of Percy for some reason. But Percy in a bad way :P

Anyways, this was great. I loved how the boys were having a food fight and one of the first things to go through seraphina's mind when she see's the stain on Albus' pants is that he might have wet himself. That was just great.

Anyways, this chapter was great!! I can't wait to read the next one!! (this is so easy and fun to read! I don't think I've ever gone through six chapters this fast)

xoxo Sarah ♥

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Review #3, by LightLeviosa5443 Chapter the Fifth

10th April 2014:
Hi!

Wow, am I really already on chapter 5? That's crazy.

I really really enjoy this story. I love how Rose pinned it from the start, and how Seraphina and Lily were polar opposites. With Seraphina freaking out and Lily keeping her cool. Until they dragged Rose out of the Great Hall, that is. Seraphina needs to tell Albus soon! I can't wait to read his reaction. You must be getting sick of reading me say that, I say it every time!

Anyway, this was really great, and I'm super intrigued, especially since we already established how close Christmas Holidays are. If she truly is going to tell him before, then it's gotta be like wicked soon! I'm super excited ah! It also makes it more suspensful that you titles don't give anything away. I can't try to predict anything based off the title. Clever Clever.

xoxo Sarah ♥

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Review #4, by LightLeviosa5443 Chapter the Fourth

10th April 2014:
Hi!

Wow, this chapter was intense. I would not want to have that conversation with McGonagall. That'd be so scary and nerve-wracking. I'm so glad that Phina was allowed to keep her badge and everything, though. That's always a plus!!

I really liked how Lily had just made herself at home in Phina's dorm, and Phina just accepted it, I like that they're getting so close. Also, the quidditch scene was great. I loved that everyone was just shocked silent.

Another great chapter!

xoxo Sarah ♥

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Review #5, by LightLeviosa5443 The Chapter After Number Two

10th April 2014:
Hi again. I should just stop saying hi because it's only been a few minutes since I read the last one. Oh well.

Anyways, this chapter was really interesting. I didn't expect Lily to drag Seraphina into the great hall, and that whole show down between them was really funny. I like the way this story is moving so far, I'm super interesting in seeing where you take it and how you end up telling Albus. I mean, he'll have to find out soon, with both Lily and Pomfrey hanging over her head.

Anywho, great chapter! I really like what you've got written so far!!

xoxo Sarah ♥

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Review #6, by LightLeviosa5443 The Second Chapter

10th April 2014:
Hi!

I came back sooner than expected! Yay!

I really liked this chapter. I love that she's running away, and thinking she's doing a good job of it (don't we all?) when in reality she's not! And I loved that he pointed it out to her! I also love her awkward social skills. I think it's interesting how her determination to be head girl kind of exiled her from the rest of her classmates. I'm wondering when we'll see some of those Gryffindor traits pop out, it'll be really interesting!

I also can't wait to see where you go with this. Especially since Lily knows, and Lily probably doesn't know how to keep quiet. Oh! It's just all so exciting!

Really great chapter, I'm sorry for the incoherent run on sentences that I call a review. ♥

xoxo Sarah ♥

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Review #7, by LightLeviosa5443 Chapter of the First

10th April 2014:
Hi

I'm here for the BvB!!

I really enjoyed this story! I thought that it was fun, unique, interesting. I really liked the way that you portrayed the main character and the voice you wrote it in. I also really enjoyed the way that you started it off. How we got a beginning intro to why she went to the party, who she is, who she's friends with (or not in this case).

I think I came away from the chapter really KNOWING Seraphina, more than I do in other fics with the main character! Really lovely job! I just think this was great over all. I'm also a sucker for teen pregnancy. Especially when it involves Albus Potter. (Because we all know it's gonna happen with Scorose and James)

Lovely job! I enjoyed reading this a lot! I'm definitely going to keep on reading!

xoxo Sarah ♥

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Review #8, by 800 words of heaven Chapter the Fourth

15th December 2013:
Hello! I know it's been a seriously long time since I read this, but I'm here for both your (once again, seriously long ago) requested review as well as REVIEW TAG!

Let me just start by saying what a gorgeous CI! I mean, almost anything with Logan Lerman is bound to be nice to look at, but this is very cool. He even manages to pull off that sweater ;P

I think I actually adore your characterisation of Lily. Her out-there personality is really quite something, and since she's pestering the poor girl to tell Albus, I'm on Lily's side all the way!

Is Quidditch through the Ages still the definitive book on Quidditch, even after all these years? I love that for Lysander, that's the qualifier: if you've read Quidditch through the Ages then you're a true fan of Quidditch!

Ah! Saved by McGonagall! I'm excited to see what McGonagall has to say to poor Seraphina. It's almost as if the fact that she's pregnant hasn't quite caught up with her yet, the way she's acting. I like how she's not all preoccupied by it, but I think it's more of a coping mechanism than actual disregard.

Oh, I'd forgotten that Seraphina was Head Girl! She never seems to do any of her Head Girl duties. She just goes around being grumpy and anti-social and avoiding her problems (I can completely relate to that, since that is exactly what I am doing right now).

How much bigger can her mistakes get that McGonagall will have to take her badge away? She'd have to get caught committing murder or blowing up the school on purpose, or something equally as dire to merit getting her Head Girl badge taken away!

Hahahaha! Romance novels are also my guilty pleasure! And it seems that Lily is coming to enjoy them as well. I cannot stop loving this girl!

This was a bit of a filler chapter, but at least I got the chance to get acquainted with Seraphina and her odd ways again. I'm sure there's quite a bit of excitement still in store for her!

Author's Response: Hey there, it's been a week since you posted this and I'm getting to it now! I actually completely forgot about that I had requested a review from you until I saw this so woohoo!

Logan Lerman can make anything look good, I have a theory that he could just stand in a movie doing nothing and it would become a million times better. The amazing artist inspector. over @ tda is to thank for the awesmazing CI though.

This is the first time that I've gotten a review that is on Lily's side one hundred percent. But yes, Seraphina really does need to tell Albus that she's pregnant.

I think Quidditch Through the Ages would still be the definitive book, maybe they came out with a more upgraded copy that included newer models of broomsticks and more team statistics but I think it would still be the definitive book.

You've got to admit though, if you've memorized Quidditch Through the Ages or read it then you've definitely got to have some kind of interest in it.

It is actually a coping mechanism, I imagine that if Seraphina actually faced her consequences and got a smack in the face by reality she might lock herself away in her dorm for a while.

You know, Seraphina does seem to be avoiding her Head Girl duties, I'll get right on fixing that, we can't have her being a bad authority figure, that just wouldn't fit in with her character. Thank you for pointing that out.

I think there's an entire list of things that Seraphina could do to get her badge taken away, after all, this is magic so there must be something.

Thank you for the review and the feedback!


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Review #9, by MrsKatieGrint The Second Chapter

14th November 2013:
Hey there again!

So, I think was a great update. Your details to certain things were super cute, and I love Seraphina's humor! haha she's a hoot!
She's so awkward, and cold, I just love it.

I'm glad her and Albus kinda talked? Lol not much, but atleast they're 'friends', and on regular speaking terms? I hope, after all, she is having his baby!

I hope she ends up telling him soon, because otherwise it looks like Lily will, yikes!
Okay, that seriously was probably the most awkward experience Lily will ever overhear, for real. How ofter do you hear that your brother got a girl pregnant before he even knew!

Oh well! All in all, I still think you did a great job on this update. I really can't wait to see what all happens! Cheers again!

Author's Response: Heyo! Responding to your review kind of late but I'm here!

I'm glad that you found Seraphina funny, one of my concerns while writing is that she's too serious to be funny. And you know, it's quite fun making her awkward and cold, I've no idea why but I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

Well they're definitely on speaking terms and on their way to being friends, they're just not there yet.

We shall see who spills the beans on the pregnancy as the story goes on! Who knows who's going to tell!

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #10, by maraudertimes Chapter of the First

10th November 2013:
Hi!
It's Lo, here with your requested review!

Okay so this premise is super interesting. I really like the whole knocked up vibe and especially considering she's the Head Girl. Super excited to see how that plays out.

I really liked Seraphina, although I just wondered why she didn't have any friends. Usually Head Girls are well-rounded, and I know you mentioned Rose, but we didn't actually see Seraphina Doyle with anyone who seemed to like her. Other than that, I think you've created a really great character, though maybe you should flush out her description a little bit more. Really make me visualize her in my head. But other than that, great job with her!

Albus is really good too, although I'm a little curious as to why he would want to walk with her to the Hospital Wing. It seems a little bit random, so maybe just try and add that he does that stuff often? Then it doesn't seem like a weird coincidence that he wants to walk with her then. And also more description for him, but I did really like his characterization. I think it'll be cool to see how you portray him as this goes on.

I would like to know a little bit more on Seraphina's back story only because it seems like her mum is a party girl yet there really is no mention of her dad. Of course, that might be in a later chapter, so feel free to ignore this. :)

Another quick little CC: description goes a long way. I have problems with it too, but just little tidbits like how the Hospital Wing was like (did it smell like Potions? was it quiet as death?) might help.

Also, you have a couple mistakes here and there, so maybe you should try and get a Beta? I don't know, it's up to you.

Other than that, I really liked this. It was a really nice beginning. I'm really excited to see where this goes and how it progresses, so please feel free to revisit my thread and rerequest!

Lo:)

P.S. I hope I didn't sound too harsh. I really did like this a lot!

Author's Response: Hey hey hey! Am I late for answering this or what but let's get on to the good stuff!

Well, people don't like her because of the type of person that she is, she's not very friendly, she comes off as very cold and sometimes stuck up and she doesn't socialise with people that she thinks she'd be wasting her time with. Seraphina is more of an academic focused person who doesn't really want friends in her life. But I will definitely keep in mind to flesh her out more as that seems something that everyone agrees I should work on.

It seems random but it's actually not random that Albus offered to walk Seraphina to the hospital. As nice as he is, he doesn't do things like that all the time for just anyone so there's a special reason for why he's acting the way he is around Seraphina.

There will definitely be more on her family as the story progresses on and little hints dropped here and there. And Seraphina's mum isn't really a party girl but just like any parent she wants her daughter to have friends and be happy.

I've definitely been thinking about getting a beta and I'm going to, I just haven't decided whether I should get one once the story is finished being written or right now.

I will definitely come back to your review thread as you were very helpful and thank you so much for the long and helpful review!


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Review #11, by Nasim6413 Chapter of the First

8th November 2013:
Hello, I'm here with your review! Sorry it took me a while, life's been really hectic. I don't usually read these kind of fanfics, so excuse me if I seem too harsh :/

I'll admit, this isn't the most original plot I have seen. When I was reading it, I came upon a few things which I didn't understand, like Albus's age. Is he in Seraphina's year or a few years younger?

As for Seraphina's characterization, I find it real and relatable, even though she IS a bit boring. As for the verb tense, I didn't see any slip-ups really. I'd also expect Madam Pomfrey to be more serious and get Seraphina in trouble.

But other than that, I enjoyed reading the first chapter :) It was a very good start. Good luck with writing!

~ Nasim

Author's Response: It's alright that it took so long and I don't mind harsh. Feedback is feedback no matter what and I can understand.

I should go back and clarify on Albus's age but yes, he is in Seraphina's year, it'd just that their birthdays make Seraphina a few months older.

And it's good that you find her boring because I didn't make her out to be all that interesting or exciting. I thought about Madam Pomfrey getting Seraphina in trouble but it didn't fit with her character in my head.

Thank you so much for you feedback, it was really appreciated!


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Review #12, by heartjily4ever Chapter of the First

8th November 2013:
Hi, this is from heartjily4evers reviews. Sorry this took so long to get done. You asked me about characterization. I do like the main character, although I think she is a bit to goody goody for me. But I like the way you've done her. and think she works well as the main character. I like Albus as well, but I think he seems a bit sensitive.
I think overall the way she got pregnant was a little cliche - goody girl gets drunk, gets pregnant first time. But I still think the whole idea seems pretty good, and think the rest of the story will be more interesting.

Author's Response: Hey there! It wasn't a long wait at all

I take the fact that she's too goody goody as a compliment because you are correct, she is very goody goody. And Albus is supposed to be sensitive, I just never pictured him any other way for this story.

I'm glad that the cliche hasn't put you off the story too much though and hooefully, you do think that the story gets more interesting!

Thank you for your feedback!


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Review #13, by Haronione Chapter the Fifth

8th November 2013:
Hi AlexFan!

I liked how you had Albus being suspicious of Seraphina and Lily's new friendship, and that Seraphina had noticed the signs of his suspicion. I'm guessing it won't be long before he gets suspicious about her little secret too!

Albus is obviously not as observant as Rose! So now there is someone else to almost let it slip to Albus. I think Seraphina needs to tell him sooner rather than later!

I liked that Seraphina started to open up a bit to Rose and Lily, but then shuts down again when she feels their questions are getting too personal and private. I liked the interaction between the three of them in the corridor and their discussion about Albus.

The end was sweet, when Seraphina starts to realise how nice it is to have friends, to have someone to talk to :) I'm pleased for her there, it was about time she made that revelation!

I had a peek at the chapter summaries for the next 2 chapters, I'm guessing she'll be telling Albus in 2 chapters time? Looking forward to reading that!!

Haronione ♥

Author's Response: Hey there again!

I added in Albus being suspicious because it made sense that he would be considering that this antisocial girl was all of a sudden making friends with his sister and cousin. I'd be a bit suspicious as well.

With the amount of people that know about Seraphina I'm surprised Albus hasn't found out along with the rest of the school.

She's going to need as many friends as she can to deal with her pregnancy. As for the next chapters, I will only say that it's probably not what you think it is.

Thanks for reviewing.


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Review #14, by MrsKatieGrint Chapter of the First

7th November 2013:
Hey there! KatieRoo from the forums here!

Okay, so first of all, it seems like Seraphina and I would make the best of friends! Haha
She's quite likable, and very realistic, if I say so myself. I think you did a great job of characterizing her, and like I said, she seems like a mini me. Ha!

I personally didn't catch too many tense slips, and the ones that I did were mentioned in pervious reviews. So as far as that goes, I think you're swell.

Also, I do know that pregnancy at Hogwarts is a bit of a cliche, but as far as I can see, you don't seem to have the regular ones that most people do, and I love the fact that you're using an OC as the main character of this story, which should help with cliches to avoid.

All in all, I think your story has a great start, and I think you're doing wonderful!

Author's Response: Hey there KatieRoo!

I'm glad that you like Seraphina! She's not an easy character to like because of the type of person that she is but I'm glad that you like her and think that you would get along.

I hope that I can take a non cliche story line and make it different than it usually is.

Thank you for your feedback!


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Review #15, by ace Chapter the Seventh

1st October 2013:
Keep Writing please!

Author's Response: Don't worry, I plan on it!

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Review #16, by Haronione Chapter the Fourth

30th September 2013:
Why hello there :) It's been a while but I am finally Back again with another review!

So, I liked seeing Seraphina interact with Albus and the twins, even though it was only brief. I loved that they were so surprised by Seraphina's knowledge about quidditch :) I can see why they'd be surprised, but then she strikes me as the kind of girl who'd have knowledge about most things, so they really shouldn't have been surprised that she would know the statistical info about the sport! It's little details like this that give more depth to the characters and their personalities, so I really liked this little touch :)

Ha, the way this is going I think it is going to be Lily who ends up letting slip to Albus about the baby - she really needs to be more careful! In your authors note you mention about the scene with McGonagall being a bit serious. Yes, I agree it was quite serious, but then it needed to be, it's a rather serious situation so I think it is fitting here. One thing though; I'm not sure i see McGonagall being so ready to want a student to leave Hogwarts. Yes, i think she would have seen it as an option and discussed this with Seraphina but I don't personally see her putting this to her so bluntly as her first option. But that's just my opinion :) I do really like how you have McGonagall telling her to be on best behaviour from now on though or lose her badge! To me, this seems like it would be the ultimate punishment for someone like Seraphina :)

Ooh, I sense that the scene where Seraphina tells her parents is coming up! I'm really looking forward to seeing how Seraphina deals with that! Not as much as I'm looking forward to Albus finding out though ;)

Aw, I love that Lily and Seraphina are becoming more relaxed and friendly with each other :) It's about time Seraphina had a friend! I wonder how Albus is going to feel when he does find out about the baby and that his sister knew before he did!

Anyway, this was another great chapter and I'm looking forward to reading the next one :)

Haronione ♥

Author's Response: You have no idea how surprised I was when I saw this. I hadn't thought you'd be coming back so this was a really nice surprise for me!

That was my thought when writing the scene and having Seraphina quote Quidditch Through the Ages. To me, it just made sense that she would know all of this stuff and you're the first one who's actually caught on to that.

It seems that way but trust me, it won't be Lily who lets anything slip, it will actually be Seraphina. And I think you're right, McGonagall probably wouldn't offer leaving as a first option but that just never crossed my mind when I wrote the chapter.

I had a hard time deciding on a punishment and then I stopped and thought about what the ultimate punishment for Seraphina would be and losing her badge would be it.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #17, by potterfan310 Chapter the Seventh

18th September 2013:
Hello,

I've finally gotten around to R+R'ing!!

"This is the most uncomfortable I've ever been in my life" - Just you wait Phina, until you get to nine months pregnant, then you'll be uncomfortable.

OH MY GOD THE TWINS KNOW! I REPEAT OH MY GOD! I love how everyone but Albus is figuring it out.

*Le gasp* I can't believe Al kissed Phina but yay!!! *Happy Dance* And at least they both know how each others feels but Phina why could you have not told him??? You were so close yet so far.

I honestly cannot wait until the next one especially because I want to know how they'll act after knowing how they feel and the kiss!
10/10

-Potterfan310
Soph :)

Author's Response: Holy moly! It's been ten days! I'm answering this right now! I'm just going to thank you advance for reviewing!

You are very correct though, if she's uncomfortable now, just wait until she's nine months pregnant. Oh boy, I'm going to have fun with this.

I don't know why it's working out like this but for some reason everyone but Albus is finding out. I hadn't originally planned it like that but that's how it ended up being written out.

I'm not really sure how happy that dance is going to be next chapter (things aren't going to go very happily if that's what you're thinking). I was going to make her say the big news to Albus then but it just didn't fit. It seemed like something a bit random for her to blurt out, at least for me it did.

I'm actually looking forward to your reaction for the next chapter.

So sorry for taking this long to respond!


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Review #18, by Harry and Ginny Chapter the Seventh

9th September 2013:
wow! didn't see the way this chapter ended, coming! Albus kissed Seraphina but he still doesn't know he's going to be a father! can't wait to read next chapter to see what happens between them from now on!^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Hey there again!

Trust me, I was as surprised as you when I ended up ending the chapter like that. That hadn't originally been the plan but it's set up the next few chapters nicely so it worked out.

Not sure how you're going to react to the next chapter but it isn't going to go positively, I'll tell you that. Thanks for another lovely review!


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Review #19, by pleasepitch Chapter the Seventh

9th September 2013:
Vzclpdkso md kaocizn I AM IN LOOOVVEER PLEASE UPDATE THIS!! WAAH!! okay i'm done. You can go :)

Author's Response: So I take it that you liked the chapter then? I'm just glad that you liked it. I've actually got some of the next chapter written but I haven't had a chance to work on it because I've been so busy and I've been working on other things as well. Hopefully I may be able to work on it when I've got a day off.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #20, by charlottetrips The Second Chapter

8th September 2013:
I'm here!!

I remember this :D

I don't remember that Seraphina was in DOYLE's family! As in Crabbe and Doyle? Or am I just mixing that up in my head. *is too lazy to google*

I like the awkwardness going on here. I liked that I got a peak into Seraphina's somewhat sarcastic thoughts. There were times that she had me smiling, like when she thought that she was obviously not good at searching.

I did not enjoy the hyperbole of her accusing Albus of kidnapping her. It's just a bit much considering that they're still at Hogwarts and she's in her House tower...

I enjoyed the exchange between the two, though I think that his reactions and the segue into being friends could've had a little more detail in it as it was slightly abrupt.

How come she didn't know who Lysander was if she's been at the school for 7 years?

I like that Lily was there to catch her out! You just took the story to the moving bits of the story as Phina will stop prevaricating and avoiding and face the whole thing head on!

Author's Response: Hey there!

Nah, it was Crabbe and GOYLE, I confused myself there for a second and I started panicking because I thought, "Oh my God, did I accidentally make Seraphina a relative of Goyle!" But to answer your question, no, she's not related.

Well I'm glad that she's amused you in some way, I feel like her character is too serious and that the story is way more serious than I intended for it come out as.

As for her not knowing Lysander, I could see it happening. I mean, Harry was at Hogwarts for six years and even he didn't know everybody in his house so it made sense to me that Seraphina didn't know Lysander.

Anyway, thank you for your feedback and I'll keep some of these things in mind for future chapters so that I don't do them (and if I do I hope someone points them out to me).

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #21, by Lady of Tears Chapter the Fourth

4th September 2013:
I appreciated the reality of this chapter. I'm glad it got serious! This is a serious thing and there are real consequences, so it was good to see it starting to play out.

I don't remember it from other chapters, but I'd like to know if Seraphina has any qualms about her parents or family. I feel like they'd be notified or something. But outside of Albus, it doesn't seem like Seraphina has been thinking much of who else she might need to worry about. Hopefully in future chapters!

There was a lot more clarity and precision in your writing in this chapter. I really enjoyed reading it!

-Lady of Tears

Author's Response: That's what I was actually aiming for! There are serious consequences to something like this happening and I wanted to address that.

She doesn't want to tell her parents and she's a bit scared to do so (like any girl would be) but it just hasn't been mentioned yet but will be.

I take it that this chapter was a lot better than the previous ones. Thank you for your feedback and for reviewing!


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Review #22, by ginerva_molly_weasley Chapter Six

17th August 2013:
This is such a good chapter.

It is a filler chapter and I think that it doesn't have the most action in it but it still shows that you have put a lot of thought into it and shows transition between the different chapters.

I like how you had Wesley notice her weight gain and I can only imagine how cruel he is going to be when he finds out the truth about her.

Also I like how she loosens up a little bit when she sees Albus and the twins in the kitchens. I think that she is starting to open a whole new side to her!

Update soon

Author's Response: Oh my good golly gosh, hi there! Sorry that I'm getting to this so late but at least I'm getting to it!

It's true, this is definitely a filler chapter but not every chapter of a story can be filled with action after all. I also felt that Seraphina needed a bit of a break from some of the things going on and what is going to happen next.

I'm very glad that you're actually thinking about how cruel Wesley is going to be as that was what went through my mind while I wrote that scene.

I'm glad that you liked that part, personally, that was my favourite part of this chapter and the most fun I had writing it.

I'll update as soon as possible and thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #23, by Harry and Ginny Chapter Six

16th August 2013:
this chapter was funny, especially at the ending where Seraphina pretended that the food fight didn't happen... I do wonder how Al will find out that he's going to be a father... like, is he going to accidentally overhear a conversation? can't wait to read when that moment comes!^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Hi there again!

I'm glad that you found it funny! I was hoping that it would be! I can't give anything away about that moment but imagine something extremely awkward, the most awkward way that you could tell a guy that you're pregnant and you may just have it!

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #24, by blackballet Chapter Six

16th August 2013:
I think this is one of your better chapters! I really got invested in it, and I liked the part at the end with Albus. I think Seraphina was more in character at the beginning of the chapter than the end. It was mostly because of Albus obviously, so it worked. I also liked when she told that girl to be careful and that she would definitely regret what she was about to do. That was very clever!

I can't wait for you to keep writing more of this

Author's Response: Heyo! Sorry for replying so late but I'm doing it now!

Thank you so much, I'm glad that you think that and I agree, this is definitely one of my better chapters. I also agree with the fact that Seraphina was more in character at the beginning but the way that I thought about it was that she's trying to get the hang of being friendly and it seemed like something a friend would do.

When I wrote that part, I figured, if I was in Seraphina's situation, I'd probably warn someone as well just to keep whatever had happened to me from happening to someone else.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it!


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Review #25, by potterfan310 Chapter Six

16th August 2013:
Did somebody say Big Bang Theory :D Love that show!!

Aww bless Phina trying to give the couple advice. Maybe she wishes someone had told her that.

Phina and her cravings make me smile. Especially when she starts eating when they though they were getting detention. Aww I wish her and Al could have had a bit of alone time because she could have told him. *Hint hint*

Two things:

One - "You will help Filch on Saturday at six," I say, pointing to the girl, "and you will help Filch on Sunday at 2 in the morning." - You switched from writing the number to using the number.

Two - "And he seems to have a large wet spot on his butt." - Butt sounds rather American, it'd be bum instead.

I honestly can't wait until the day she tells him!!! Can't wait for the next chapter. ♥

10/10
-Potterfan310
Soph :)

Author's Response: High five! I love that show as well! I'm excited for the new season.

I've heard that pregnant women get strange food cravings and just food cravings in general so I thought I'd add that in as one of the things that made it obvious she was pregnant. It's going to be happening a lot throughout the story.

She and Al do spend some alone time in the next chapter but what you're hoping to happen isn't going to happen. I've gotten the hint though and the revealing shouldn't be too far away now.

Thanks for pointing those out, I'll get to editing them as soon as I finish replying to this! i can't believe that I missed that!

Thanks so much for the review Soph!


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