Reading Reviews for One Long Night
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by soufflegirl99 beatbeatbeatbeat

17th July 2013:
This one shot was gripping! I was captivated the whole way through, with a brilliant tense rang of sentence to really engage the reader, and also it worked really well in third person.

I love the repetition of 'beat' -- it really added that sense of doom, like it was inevitable. The way it left you hanging at the end really added to the suspense, and definitely made a shiver or two go up my spine! The way the repition of other words too, it so effective, as it's like the whisper of Nagini or the voice at the back of their minds. I thought that added a spooky touch to the story, and really enriched it's daunting side.

I also love the structure; the paragraphs are absorable and, there's a great contrast of heavy and light ones. The way sentences stand alone and stick out among all the other lines is fantastically formatted and is just like a trail of thought.

The whole style this is written in is really dramatic, and I loved the way Lily should've said: "ďDonít dig your nails into the sofa, James.Ē" - that's a really original idea of writing what should've happened, and the regret added to the theme, which was the sense of injustice of them being young parents dying.

Overall, a truly remarkable and memorable one shot, that was very cleverly written.

Sophie :D

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Review #2, by patronus_charm beatbeatbeatbeat

17th March 2013:
Hello there, Iím here with your requested review!

I really enjoyed the repetition of beat. It just seemed to represent how alive they were now, and how you donít tend to notice your heat beating until you are in a life threatening situation. Then the fact this story is set on the night they die, ties it all together perfectly, as you can imagine the different beats of their heart on that night.

I liked the brief foray into Lily and Jamesí thoughts as it was interesting to how similar they were and yet different. Lily seems to be surer about her husbandís ability to protect them and their child. Whereas James seems to be boosting his morale more.

Then the repetition of Ďsecretí was again emphasised, as it seemed to highlight the danger they were facing for placing their trust in the wrong person. I liked how you tied in the fact that they didnít mention who the secret keeper was, and that again emphasised how bad it was that they didnít mention who it was.

I think you showed fear and paranoia really well, because when youíre in those situations you tend to concentrate on the little things such as the tree snapping, and noises outside, so that linked to the theme of the story well. I didnít find it too abstract and it was easy to follow despite the different structure and style which one usually sees in fan fiction.

The only CC I can think of is in the first line Ė ĎTwo hearts beating beating beating. One heart soft.í, it almost felt as if you were going to lead on into a description of the second heart, and it didnít come. It was only a minor thing really, it just felt as if it was a little incomplete.

I thought this was a really interesting one-shot though, and the way you played with the structure was excellent, and itís always nice to see something different in fan fiction :)

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the wonderful review! :)

I was really going for anxiety in this, and so I didn't want to reveal that they would live at that it was alright until the characters themselves were able to slow their heartbeats and accept that they were actually safe. In the secrets/secretkeeper section, that was all from Peter Pettigrew's point of view, which was why is was ... ratlike?

Through the story, the beatbeatbeatbeat is the combination of Lily and James' hearts, and the beat. beat. that are all spaced out are Harry's heartbeats. I thought about going more into dept, but I was hoping it would lead into that dichotomy and set it up? I'll play around with it. Thanks so much for the wonderful review!

Annie


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