Reading Reviews for Why am I friends with you?
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pixileanin Chapter 1: Katie's cousin, Sarah

29th August 2015:
Hi there. I like cupcakes, rather a lot. I like to eat cupcakes too. I even bake them from time to time, and sometimes I even put icing on them.

Congratulations on your first HPFF story! It's always nervewracking to post a first story. Is this your first story ever, of have you written stuff before? I know that it was really scary posting my first thing on here. I was really worried that no one would ever read it, but I figured that since it was for a challenge, the challenge person would have to read it. And there's the validator. So that's two guaranteed reads right there.

So yeah. Your Prologue showed Seamus and Dean meeting for the first time, seemingly bonding over the train ride, except one of them likes to read in silence.

This chapter is all about years later after the war, when Seamus and Dean are sharing a flat and going to Harry and Ginny's wedding. That seems totally plausible, since a lot of people tend to bond over the tragedies in their lives. I'm not even sure you need a Prologue for this story, if all the first bit was to show how the boys met. I think you covered that pretty well in the first part of this chapter.

I see you used a bit of physical comedy, with the doorknocker, and Katie falling all over the guy when he came in. I was wondering straight away, are Katie's parents rich, or did she earn it all herself. It seems like a rather extravegant house for her to be living in all by herself. I know you don't have to show us everything, but there wasn't mention of anyone besides her cousin living with her. So Katie is the outgoing one and Sarah is the shy one. You showed that pretty clearly.

So I suppose your next chapter is all about the wedding. It will be interesting to see how Dean and Seamus act at the wedding with their "dates" around. So far, I don't sense any tension between the guys, or tension anywhere really. It's pretty happy right now with no trouble in sight.

Have fun writing the rest of the story!

Pix

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Review #2, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Prologue

18th March 2015:
Hi, I'm swinging by to review for the HPFF fundraiser.

I think this was a good start to a story, but I'm eager to see more detail. For instance, everything that happens here seems like a baseline, and there's so much more that we could see. Everyone knows that at some point Seamus and Dean got on their first train to Hogwarts, and that eventually they become friends. And we don't learn that much more than that in this chapter. I'd love to see them getting to know each other a bit more, talking about their families, or have Seamus start explaining Quidditch, or something. Anything that might surprise the reader. It was amusing to see other familiar faces (although in the books, Luna is a year younger than Harry & co., by the way) but we also didn't get to hear much from them. I liked how stern Hermione was, though.

I liked how you've set up Dean as the quieter one, and Seamus as a little more aggressive; it's good to differentiate characters. However, it was a little distracting the way Seamus had an "Oi" at the beginning of many statements, and a "mate" at the end. Most people don't talk like that. I think just one "oi" for this chapter would have been fine, and also just a single "mate".

Overally, this was an interesting start to a story, and it's nice to see you focusing on Seamus and Dean, but I'd definitely love to see more detail. Good luck with this!

-lllb

Author's Response: Thank you, I'll definitely try and put that into practice when I write the next chapter!

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