Reading Reviews for Resurrection
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LillyRoseanne Discoveries

2nd October 2013:
I KNEW SHE WASN'T DEAD! :D love it!!! keep it up :D x

Author's Response: Haha sometimes great characters are too hard to keep dead! Thank you so much for the lovely review! Chapter 6 is currently in the works! :)

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Review #2, by MC_HK Investigations

18th August 2013:
Hello!

To address your concerns, I do believe you've got a well paced chapter here. The pieces (since this is the only chapter I read, I can only assume) seem to fall into place quite well, and it leaves enough mystery for your reader to want to come back to read more. The plot is well done, and I ask questions enough that I want to keep reading to find out more.

I did find a few tense, spelling, and grammar issues though. Nothing that a quick beta can't fix, but I am especially confused by this sentence:

"None of her cousins nor her brother ever bothered to be dig more about that night, but Rose knew there were more to it. "

I don't quite understand what that first bit was supposed to say, but it should be "...Rose knew there was more to it." I think if you want to make this flow a bit better, and make it easier for the reader, those should be fixed. I also noticed some run-on sentences and repetitive words in there.

Otherwise, I like where this is going! I think this is very interesting, and I am glad that you requested!

MC_HK

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I had really hoped that I wasn't dragging things along for too long in this chapter because I wanted to get the plot going. I will definitely fix those grammar mistakes. Thank you so much for pointing it out! And again, thanks for reading and reviewing! (:

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Review #3, by LillyRoseanne Revelations

11th August 2013:
She's not dead?!!? Or is she?
Curiouser and Curiouser...

Author's Response: Haha always the question! We'll find out more about Cara (regardless of if she's actually dead) in the later chapters! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #4, by LillyRoseanne Aftermath

11th August 2013:
Adam is a douche... Simple as really, Poor Danny...

Author's Response: Danny certainly is going through a lot! Adam is... very much of a prick, that's true. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #5, by LillyRoseanne The Beginning

11th August 2013:
Love it! Really like the way you used the flashback and the letter. Really nice set up for what I hope will be an awesome story!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. (:

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Review #6, by WeasleyTwins The Beginning

28th June 2013:
Hello Claire! Shelby here for the Gryffindor Review Exchange.

I really enjoyed the first section. I like how you showcased Cara and Danny's naivety and innocence. It was a good glimpse into their friendship and also into Danny's psyche. I can't wait to learn more about them!

I like the explanation about why the Potters and Weasleys stick together. That's so smart and I don't know how I've never thought of it before! To me, it seems like something Molly and Arthur would want - for the family to be close and supportive. And Harry as Head Auror! We know it's true, but it still awes me to read it in print. And Cara was in a coma? Now she's dead? I can't wait to see how you fill in these holes. It's only the first chapter and I'm quite intrigued, especially since your summary is so mysterious.

I'm completely swamped with work, so busy it's ridiculous, but count on finding more reviews from me! I'm interested!

Shelby

Author's Response: I'm glad that you're excited for Cara and Danny! There are plenty more of them coming up, but I won't say any more.

To me, I can never imagine the Potters and Weasleys, at least not in the generation following Harry, Ron and Hermione, to have a lot of outside friends because they can still feel the effects of the war a bit.

Cara's situation will be explained in the later chapters, so sit tight!

Don't worry; I COMPLETELY understand about being busy. Last month, I couldn't review till the end either, so thank you for reading and reviewing! (:

Claire


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Review #7, by Nicole Revelations

25th June 2013:
oh im loving this story so far please continue to update :D :D :D

Author's Response: thank you so much for reading! I am currently working on the next update! (:

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Review #8, by LilyEPotter The Beginning

10th May 2013:
This is a great beginning to a story. And the fact that the Resurrection Stone could be found so easily from where Harry had dropped it. Why Dumbledore agreed to leaving it in such an exposed location never made sense to me.

There is a couple items that could be improved. In the letter from Danny's parents, the flow is broken a little:
"They did, unfortunately, get into a car accident."
Maybe rearrange the sentence structure?
"Unfortunately, they were involved in a car accident." Or along those lines.

Another sentence that also seemed a little confusing was:
"He will be just fine, as to the relief of Cara's grandparents, but Cara isn't."
Perhaps split the sentence in two and move Cara's condition to the next paragraph?

I did like the reference to Albus dealing with a double image of his father and his uncle. The work image and the home image. Very realistic.

Did Cara and Danny ever make up in the ensuing years? Or had they remained estranged friends because she couldn't share in the wizarding world? Either way, that would be a very cruel way to find out that your friend and her family had been killed. I could see that leading to many possibilities, like revenge or having to not work on that case because of being too close...

Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, first of all, for your wonderful review!
I will definitely go back and just make those grammar edits, thanks for pointing it out!

I always felt like it would put Albus and any of the next generation kids in such an awkward position to see their parents in positions of power when they see them so normally at home.

There's definitely going to be a lot more of Cara and Danny's backstory to come!!! Their story would be incomplete if I just let it here!

Once again, thanks so much!(:


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Review #9, by nitra_black Aftermath

2nd April 2013:
YAY! GO YOU! IT'S AMAZING!

I love the way you've worked the new conversation between al and lucy.. interestingly this edit has made their relationship more "family" like, you know the whole "we not friends but we're family so i HAVE to help you out" and you can really get that sense from the way you've described how Lucy looks at Albus.

OH MY GOD i have fallen in love with Danny (even though he's not real). There's a sentence you write really really well: ("Tears rolled down Dannys face as he tried exhaling evenly to calm his staggering breaths")and i can perfectly picture this fully grown, gorgeous man (in my head he is, lol) breaking down in this really girly, pink, happy bedroom and the juxtaposition of that image in my head is really powerful.
Him being sat in that pink child-like bedroom, crying the way you described, reminds me of mourning child-hood, the innocence, the memories him and cara had, the carefree nature of childhood, and now that's all gone... it's like he's grieving in her room and this happy girly pink innocence room is making a mockery of him, whilst also reminding him that the time for 'fun' and 'happy' and child-like ways has LONG gone...

Its amazing that your writing is so well written that my mind can create all of that from only two sentences in that entire passage about danny

hmmm i wonder if this means, once he mourns, he's going to become really forth-wright/ blunt/ focused/obsessed with solving the case.?

oh i cant WAIT to read the next chapter although because i read the old edit i think i know what's coming next but still if you do the next one anything like this you deserve a MASSIVE dobby award...this is epic stuff! well done im so happy for you

~Kim :)

Author's Response: YAY! I'm glad that you like the changes that I made to this chapter! Seriously, your review made me feel like I had so much potential with the chapter and I'm glad that you pointed it out! I definitely want to continue to live up to your expectations!

I'm SO glad you like Danny!!! :D
When I first thought of him, I immediately fell in love. I'd never fallen in love with a male OC that I tried creating so I'm glad you like him too!

I love that you made that connection between an adult Danny in a pink little girl's room.

Thanks for your review! Seriously, you have been the most helpful reviewer EVER!

Claire(:


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Review #10, by Nitra Aftermath

31st March 2013:
Love it, just want to offer a few ideas/suggestions/ critiques as both a reader and writer.

Perhaps:
-The twist should come out in drips over 2 chapters

- the action should "flash" between the story of the girls and the auruor department in the house.

- albus and Lucy's conversation, would have much more relevance if it is written as if it is taking place at the scene of the crime. This might also make it a bit more dramatic too, ya know the whole "hushed tones in the quiet corner" it might also re-affirm albus' urgency and anxiety to beat that Adam dude, be the best, and help his friend get over the death.

-the discussion between the girls reads like you are trying to tell us the plot, it should be plausible as 'natural conversation' but it isn't

- the discussion between the girls is hard to follow because you're trying to get to the big reveal before you use Cara's name but reading a complex twist without really knowing who's talking or without descriptive language of where they are how the feel it makes it very difficult to follow, however I had a thought that might help with this...

- you should set this big twist in 'real time' (like you did in the first chapter) e.g a short story of cara palmers trip to France, whoever is with her that takes the picture? then the story flashes back to albus picking the photo up if the fireplace. Or as another example the chapter ends with that girl turning up at her door (or however she did it) and telling her that she's not really cara palmer. So we, as an audience, experience past and present in real time.

- I wanted to know straight away ( when Harry announced the death) what Danny was feeling, again that really rich description that you did well in the first chapter. E.g " all air had left his body as if he'd been hoofed by a hippogriff, he had not heard Harry right she couldn't be...dead"...and so on and so forth I explain why I think this is important in the point below.

-make sure you understand the reasons behind writing from a specific characters point of view (POV). Personally I wanted to know how Danny felt, what did he see in her bedroom? what were his thoughts about her? Because the chapter is from albus' POV it took away alot of the emotion and caring about her death, that we should have felt. Danny is the main character, (and because you got the first chapter spot-on) i now care about what Danny cares about, so it's not good to tear the audience away from the main character at such an emotional point in the story...at a point where we could actually learn quite a lot about what Danny is like as a person. And if I get to share the pain of her death with him the shock of her being alive would be much more BAM! Because then, as a writer, you are taking you're audience through an emotional journey/ roller coaster, and that's when an audience becomes loyal and committed to a story; when they are emotionally impacted by it.

The only reason I went to town on this review is because you are a really REALLY good writer and you had a lovely style in the first chapter that I would hate for you to let slide so quickly into the story. I hope you don't think me mean, just some friendly advice. I am very much liking where this is going though! Congrats to you :)

~nitra

Author's Response: Constructive criticism!!! THANKS SO MUCH!!! No I definitely do NOT think that you are mean. I think your review has been the most helpful review that I have ever received in my entire fanfiction writing life, not going to lie!

I'm definitely going to reconsider my next update and edit this chapter because I do think you brought up so many good points that I think I definitely need to incorporate before going on because I don't want to make the rest of the story messy or anything like that.

Thanks SO much, love. This review has REALLY helped me out a lot! I hope you continue reading, and stay tuned for what's to come, and the edits for this chapter! (:

Claire


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Review #11, by Nitra The Beginning

31st March 2013:
Love love that cliff hanger, beautiful written actually feel like I'm in Danny's mind, good job!! :)

~nitra

Author's Response: aww thanks so much! (: ~Claire

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Review #12, by Pottergirl7 The Beginning

16th March 2013:
I'm really interested to see where this is going to go. Your final line, Cara Palmer is dead, made me sad because I kind of hoped things would work out with her Danny. They sounded very close as kids and its pity they argued. I wonder if they ever reconciled before she died?
Can't wait for the next chapter!
-Pottergirl7

Author's Response: I hated the idea of having to kill Cara because I actually had a whole plot planned for her and Danny but the story just worked out better for me to have her murdered :( thanks so much for your wonderful review! (:

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Review #13, by Nadia The Beginning

14th March 2013:
This story seems like it could be really interesting! It's different from other stories I've read and I like it. I must know more! Please update soon!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you're interested! (:
I hope to be able to keep your interest, and the next update should be in the queue soon as soon as I'm done with exams! thanks for the wonderful review!


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