Reading Reviews for Resurrection
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ohmymerlin Cooperation

5th December 2014:
Hello! Sorry for the massive delay in reviewing this, uni is terrible sucking up spare moments in my life!

First of all, this line:
"Albus Potter had never been at the mercy of a woman before. Unless, of course, the woman was his mother, his grandmother, his aunts, his cousins, or his sisters."

Best line ever! Absolutely loved it! But don't you think it should be 'sister' instead of 'sisters'? I only noticed it once I was reading it for the seventh time :P

And ooh Burke is a creepy psychopath! Why does he want to destroy love? Will his motives be revealed? DUN DUN DUN

I'm really scared for Georgiana though! I don't really like her (she's kind of got a snobby air to her :P) but I don't want her to die or anything!

I'm interested to keep reading! Can't wait for the next chapter! :)

Author's Response: Hello! We're both guilty of letting school take up all of our lives. I'm preparing for a major test in February so that has been all that I can think about!

Ah! Thanks for pointing out that plural mistake. I'll definitely fix it. I love that line too because it kinda embodies what I imagine to be Albus' masculine pride paired up with his love for his family.

Burke's motives definitely will be explained! There's definitely an aspect of Burke potentially being a psychopath since who would want to do something like destroy love?

Georgiana is snobby! I like to think of her as a slightly better version of Draco Malfoy. Georgiana definitely prides herself on being Slytherin, pureblood, etc. but she has a clear sense of right or wrong.

Thanks for sticking with this story despite my sporadic updates!!! :)

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Review #2, by ohmymerlin Reunion

25th September 2014:

I love how professional and realistic Rose is. I really love her character. If I knew her in real life I would admire her so much but maybe even fear her a little bit :P She doesn't seem like someone who you should cross, haha!

I really, really, REALLY loved the last line where you wrote about Danny and Cara hugging. It was such a beautiful sentence. You've got this knack for writing single sentences that just impact your readers to the core of their very being :P

Great update! Can't wait to read the next one! Especially as it's getting so suspenseful!! :D

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Rose is one of my favorite characters. She has a lot of unresolved feelings with her family, but she pushes it all aside for when she's working (which can be a good and bad thing). I imagined that with the family she has, she has got to be scary otherwise no one woudld listen xD

I'm SO glad you liked how I wrote Danny and Cara's reunion. It was a scene that I wanted to do justice, and it was incredibly nerve-wracking posting this up!

The next chapter is all written, so thank you for sticking around, reading, and reviewing! Things will definitely start to pick up a lot faster from here :)

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Review #3, by ohmymerlin Estrangement

9th April 2014:

What is WRONG with these people?! I can't believe how rude they were being - acting like Scorpius wasn't around and acting so prejudiced/racist (is Pureblood racism even a thing?) they were. I'm actually appalled at how immature they were all acting.

Seriously. I was just shaking my head and tutting the whole time I was reading this chapter. That family needs to be sat down and get a stern talking to. I'm so appalled at their behaviour. SHAME ON THEM.

But, I think you wrote it quite well. Honestly, I find it a little unbelievable the Weasley family would act like this but you wrote it realistically so... *shrugs* This point is moot :p

And aw, poor Scorpius being so nervous and then they treated him like that! The poor guy!

And go Rose! You yell at your idiotic family!

Anyway, even though this was a very emotional and angry chapter, I really enjoyed reading it! I can't wait to read the next chapters and hope school isn't too crazy for you!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: It is hard to imagine that the Weasleys would act in such a way, but I think that when it comes to your own family and the people that they're dating, I think that it is likely that people will get a bit carried away.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #4, by ohmymerlin Discoveries

16th October 2013:

Okay, this chapter was incredible! I loved Cara's necklace plot-twist thingy, it's really cool and original!


Also, I feel like Georgiana's uncle (by the way, I love the name Georgiana, it sounds so regal and elegant!) is maybe Blaise or something? I'm just trying to think of HP characters who agreed with the Pureblood ideals. I mean, there's Goyle as well but I can't really see him being so... manipulative and clever, as mean as that sounds! :p

Or there's Theodore Nott but for some reason he's a real softie in my head! :p It may be different for you, though, haha!

Or there's also Zacharias Smith who was the baddie in a different novel, 'The Mysterious Case of the Twin Wands'. It's a brilliant read if you haven't read it already!

And Albus needs to hurry up and talk to Rose! They're family! Family is the most important thing in the world!

But I also think Rose should be the bigger person and talk to her family. She clearly needs their help!

Anyway, this was another brilliant chapter! I love the suspense and mystery you create, it's really keeping me on the edge of my seat! (Metaphorically, I'm actually in my bed whenever I read fanfiction, haha!)

10/10 :)

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Again, thank you so much for reviewing! I'm glad that you liked the minor plot twist with Cara's necklace! It took me ages to think it up. Cara not telling Danny will be a big theme that's forthcoming. It'll be explained by the (eventual) reveal of who Georgiana's uncle is. I like your guesses though! (:

Can't you totally see Rose being stubborn and not wanting to give in first? I can also see Albus being extremely stubborn, but the next update (which will be uploaded sometime before the end of this month xD) will explain more about their falling out.

Thank you SO much for reading and reviewing! (:

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Review #5, by ohmymerlin Investigations

16th October 2013:
Hello again! Long time no see! I finally have a bit of free time to review this chapter!

This chapter was brilliant! I absolutely loved the way you wrote Narcissa, you had some really quotable quotes from her and if this was a published novel you'd have gifsets with that quote. My favourite in particular was this one:

"Knowledge is the source of all power, Rose. To chase down truth is to chase down wisdom."

I absolutely ADORED that line. It aligns very well with canon Narcissa and it just shows that she's not just a silly female but a very clever witch who ultimately brought down the demise of Voldemort!

However, I noticed a few typos throughout the chapter. (Although, I will warn that I was being extremely nit-picky today so please don't think I'm a horrible person! D:)

"I think it's time we pay a visit to your family. You just forgot the end quote on here :)

Wasn't it better to just be in the Auror Department where he can keep an eye on her? I think the 'can' should be 'could', just to continue with the past tense :)

Rose always felt like an outside whenever she visited Malfoy Manor. You've just forgotten the letter 'r' on outsider :p

It was N as if she had rehearsed her answers as Rose had rehearsed her questions. There's a cheeky 'N' poking out there. :p

His dad had threw a fit, I think it should be 'thrown' a fit instead :)

It's nothing a quick reread won't fix, I was just being annoying and picky.

But everything else was fantastic! I love how you've written Harry, Ron, Draco, Narcissa (as I said before) and I love Scorpius! He's just so sweet!

I also liked that you made Rose nervous walking into Malfoy Manor, showing that although the war is long gone (or is it? I have some interesting theories I'm not willing to share because I can't vocalise them properly, haha!) and she didn't even participate in it, it still affects people. (Please excuse me, I've spent the past few weeks labouring over an essay that talks about the impacts of war upon people. I can't help myself anymore! :p)

I also loved Danny's interrogation! I did want to smack Smith across the face though. I can't believe how unwilling he was to listen to Danny! BELIEVE HIM, YOU OLD FOOL.

I also loved Danny's hypothesis with Al, I like seeing their bromance. :)

Oh! And I also really love Lucy! Even though she hasn't really been a major character so far, I really love her! I don't know why but I do like it whenever she pops up! :p

And the quote, "We need to rally everyone together" reminded me of High School Musical and I just had a vision of Al and Danny spontaneously bursting into 'We're All in This Together" with the dance moves and everything, hahaha!

Anyway, getting back on track. I liked that you made Danny seem like a bit of a loser when he was getting interrogated by Smith because really? How do you explain a magic boarding school to Muggles? :p

Anywho, this was another amazing chapter and I have more free time to finally catch up!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for sticking with me! Life and school has been so busy, but thank you so much! I will definitely go back and edit those nit-picky things. THanks for pointing them out! I'm glad that you liked Narcissa. She was always a character that intrigued me, and I liked that she wasn't this stupid female that followed along to whatever her husband said. Lucius looked to her for guidance at times.

AL AND DANNY'S BROMANCE IS MY FAVORITE PART ABOUT WRITING! Lucy is going to have a much bigger role in the forthcoming chapters, so look out for her! (:

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #6, by LillyRoseanne Discoveries

2nd October 2013:
I KNEW SHE WASN'T DEAD! :D love it!!! keep it up :D x

Author's Response: Haha sometimes great characters are too hard to keep dead! Thank you so much for the lovely review! Chapter 6 is currently in the works! :)

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Review #7, by ohmymerlin Revelations

19th September 2013:
Hello again! I'm writing this review on my phone with longish fake nails so bear with me. :p

This was a fantastic chapter! I think I already read it though because the news of Danny being a suspect didn't surprise me at all but if I hadn't read it, I probably would have had a hunch but it was written well! :)

However, I did notice something that was a bit off. It was this bit:

He knew Rose Weasley for 14 years, and she never fails to surprise him.

It just sounded a bit odd to me. You've put the chapter in past tense but this sounds like a mix of present and past.

Maybe try:

He'd known Rose Weasley for 14 years and she still never failed to surprise him.

Or something along those lines. :p

I loved the little bit at the end though! So Cara is alive but she's being held hostage?! I didn't remember THAT twist!

Anywho, this was a great chapter and hopefully soon I'll be able to catch up! :D

- Kayla. :)

Author's Response: Hello! (: thank you for reading and reviewing.
I'll definitely get on changing that sentence. Tenses are my biggest grammatical downfall!

There's a LOT more to Cara's story than her just being Danny's friend! And it'll be revealed slowly bit by bit, but soon you will find out! (:

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #8, by ohmymerlin Aftermath

9th September 2013:
Hello again! It's been a while since I last read this!

This was a really good chapter! I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors which is always a plus.

I quite liked Albus' point of view in this, it was really well done!

However, I just find it a tiny bit cliche that Danny and Cara's last memory together is an argument. Although, you did pull off Danny's emotions about it rather well.

Also, Aldrige is a git. :p I don't like his character at all, which is a good thing I suppose because you wrote him well then. :p

Anywho, this was a really good chapter! I loved the way you wrote the characters' emotions and the plot is very good so far! :)

- Kayla. :)

Author's Response: Hello (: Thank you for reading and reviewing!

I'm glad you liked Albus's point of view. He's a rather important character aside from Danny, so I hope that my readers will like him as well ^^
It is sort of a cliche but we will definitely see more of Danny and Cara moments (:
Aldridge IS a git. I really can't stand those people who know everything but rub it in your face. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!!

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Review #9, by MC_HK Investigations

18th August 2013:

To address your concerns, I do believe you've got a well paced chapter here. The pieces (since this is the only chapter I read, I can only assume) seem to fall into place quite well, and it leaves enough mystery for your reader to want to come back to read more. The plot is well done, and I ask questions enough that I want to keep reading to find out more.

I did find a few tense, spelling, and grammar issues though. Nothing that a quick beta can't fix, but I am especially confused by this sentence:

"None of her cousins nor her brother ever bothered to be dig more about that night, but Rose knew there were more to it. "

I don't quite understand what that first bit was supposed to say, but it should be "...Rose knew there was more to it." I think if you want to make this flow a bit better, and make it easier for the reader, those should be fixed. I also noticed some run-on sentences and repetitive words in there.

Otherwise, I like where this is going! I think this is very interesting, and I am glad that you requested!


Author's Response: Thank you so much! I had really hoped that I wasn't dragging things along for too long in this chapter because I wanted to get the plot going. I will definitely fix those grammar mistakes. Thank you so much for pointing it out! And again, thanks for reading and reviewing! (:

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Review #10, by LillyRoseanne Revelations

11th August 2013:
She's not dead?!!? Or is she?
Curiouser and Curiouser...

Author's Response: Haha always the question! We'll find out more about Cara (regardless of if she's actually dead) in the later chapters! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #11, by LillyRoseanne Aftermath

11th August 2013:
Adam is a douche... Simple as really, Poor Danny...

Author's Response: Danny certainly is going through a lot! Adam is... very much of a prick, that's true. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!(:

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Review #12, by LillyRoseanne The Beginning

11th August 2013:
Love it! Really like the way you used the flashback and the letter. Really nice set up for what I hope will be an awesome story!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. (:

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Review #13, by WeasleyTwins The Beginning

28th June 2013:
Hello Claire! Shelby here for the Gryffindor Review Exchange.

I really enjoyed the first section. I like how you showcased Cara and Danny's naivety and innocence. It was a good glimpse into their friendship and also into Danny's psyche. I can't wait to learn more about them!

I like the explanation about why the Potters and Weasleys stick together. That's so smart and I don't know how I've never thought of it before! To me, it seems like something Molly and Arthur would want - for the family to be close and supportive. And Harry as Head Auror! We know it's true, but it still awes me to read it in print. And Cara was in a coma? Now she's dead? I can't wait to see how you fill in these holes. It's only the first chapter and I'm quite intrigued, especially since your summary is so mysterious.

I'm completely swamped with work, so busy it's ridiculous, but count on finding more reviews from me! I'm interested!


Author's Response: I'm glad that you're excited for Cara and Danny! There are plenty more of them coming up, but I won't say any more.

To me, I can never imagine the Potters and Weasleys, at least not in the generation following Harry, Ron and Hermione, to have a lot of outside friends because they can still feel the effects of the war a bit.

Cara's situation will be explained in the later chapters, so sit tight!

Don't worry; I COMPLETELY understand about being busy. Last month, I couldn't review till the end either, so thank you for reading and reviewing! (:


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Review #14, by Nicole Revelations

25th June 2013:
oh im loving this story so far please continue to update :D :D :D

Author's Response: thank you so much for reading! I am currently working on the next update! (:

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Review #15, by ohmymerlin The Beginning

8th June 2013:
Hi there! I've seen this around a lot, and I thought I'd finally give it a read. :D

First things first, I love the mystery you've already got going on here! You've portrayed it really well. It's a great opening chapter!

However, in the first section you've said:

"He, Danny Dunford, was a wizard!"

I think you mean Sanford. ;) Don't worry though, I've done it a lot as well! :p

Also, there are some sentences where you've forgotten a word.

"Cara is going to forgive after this."

I think you just need to add 'me' after the word 'forgive'. :)

But these can all be fixed with a quick read through. My tip is to read it aloud, it always helps!

So yeah, I quite like Danny and Albus, I feel like they're going to be a great bromance! :'D

I'm also curious as to what happened after Cara was in the coma. What was their reunion like? What were Danny's emotions?

Anyway, I'll keep reading! Good job! :D

Author's Response: whoops! O.o thanks for mentioning the mistakes! I didn't even notice that I wrote Danny's last name wrong! I definitely will try reading aloud next time.

Thank you for reading and reviewing!! (:

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Review #16, by LilyEPotter The Beginning

10th May 2013:
This is a great beginning to a story. And the fact that the Resurrection Stone could be found so easily from where Harry had dropped it. Why Dumbledore agreed to leaving it in such an exposed location never made sense to me.

There is a couple items that could be improved. In the letter from Danny's parents, the flow is broken a little:
"They did, unfortunately, get into a car accident."
Maybe rearrange the sentence structure?
"Unfortunately, they were involved in a car accident." Or along those lines.

Another sentence that also seemed a little confusing was:
"He will be just fine, as to the relief of Cara's grandparents, but Cara isn't."
Perhaps split the sentence in two and move Cara's condition to the next paragraph?

I did like the reference to Albus dealing with a double image of his father and his uncle. The work image and the home image. Very realistic.

Did Cara and Danny ever make up in the ensuing years? Or had they remained estranged friends because she couldn't share in the wizarding world? Either way, that would be a very cruel way to find out that your friend and her family had been killed. I could see that leading to many possibilities, like revenge or having to not work on that case because of being too close...

Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, first of all, for your wonderful review!
I will definitely go back and just make those grammar edits, thanks for pointing it out!

I always felt like it would put Albus and any of the next generation kids in such an awkward position to see their parents in positions of power when they see them so normally at home.

There's definitely going to be a lot more of Cara and Danny's backstory to come!!! Their story would be incomplete if I just let it here!

Once again, thanks so much!(:

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Review #17, by nitra_black Aftermath

2nd April 2013:

I love the way you've worked the new conversation between al and lucy.. interestingly this edit has made their relationship more "family" like, you know the whole "we not friends but we're family so i HAVE to help you out" and you can really get that sense from the way you've described how Lucy looks at Albus.

OH MY GOD i have fallen in love with Danny (even though he's not real). There's a sentence you write really really well: ("Tears rolled down Dannys face as he tried exhaling evenly to calm his staggering breaths")and i can perfectly picture this fully grown, gorgeous man (in my head he is, lol) breaking down in this really girly, pink, happy bedroom and the juxtaposition of that image in my head is really powerful.
Him being sat in that pink child-like bedroom, crying the way you described, reminds me of mourning child-hood, the innocence, the memories him and cara had, the carefree nature of childhood, and now that's all gone... it's like he's grieving in her room and this happy girly pink innocence room is making a mockery of him, whilst also reminding him that the time for 'fun' and 'happy' and child-like ways has LONG gone...

Its amazing that your writing is so well written that my mind can create all of that from only two sentences in that entire passage about danny

hmmm i wonder if this means, once he mourns, he's going to become really forth-wright/ blunt/ focused/obsessed with solving the case.?

oh i cant WAIT to read the next chapter although because i read the old edit i think i know what's coming next but still if you do the next one anything like this you deserve a MASSIVE dobby award...this is epic stuff! well done im so happy for you

~Kim :)

Author's Response: YAY! I'm glad that you like the changes that I made to this chapter! Seriously, your review made me feel like I had so much potential with the chapter and I'm glad that you pointed it out! I definitely want to continue to live up to your expectations!

I'm SO glad you like Danny!!! :D
When I first thought of him, I immediately fell in love. I'd never fallen in love with a male OC that I tried creating so I'm glad you like him too!

I love that you made that connection between an adult Danny in a pink little girl's room.

Thanks for your review! Seriously, you have been the most helpful reviewer EVER!


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Review #18, by Nitra Aftermath

31st March 2013:
Love it, just want to offer a few ideas/suggestions/ critiques as both a reader and writer.

-The twist should come out in drips over 2 chapters

- the action should "flash" between the story of the girls and the auruor department in the house.

- albus and Lucy's conversation, would have much more relevance if it is written as if it is taking place at the scene of the crime. This might also make it a bit more dramatic too, ya know the whole "hushed tones in the quiet corner" it might also re-affirm albus' urgency and anxiety to beat that Adam dude, be the best, and help his friend get over the death.

-the discussion between the girls reads like you are trying to tell us the plot, it should be plausible as 'natural conversation' but it isn't

- the discussion between the girls is hard to follow because you're trying to get to the big reveal before you use Cara's name but reading a complex twist without really knowing who's talking or without descriptive language of where they are how the feel it makes it very difficult to follow, however I had a thought that might help with this...

- you should set this big twist in 'real time' (like you did in the first chapter) e.g a short story of cara palmers trip to France, whoever is with her that takes the picture? then the story flashes back to albus picking the photo up if the fireplace. Or as another example the chapter ends with that girl turning up at her door (or however she did it) and telling her that she's not really cara palmer. So we, as an audience, experience past and present in real time.

- I wanted to know straight away ( when Harry announced the death) what Danny was feeling, again that really rich description that you did well in the first chapter. E.g " all air had left his body as if he'd been hoofed by a hippogriff, he had not heard Harry right she couldn't be...dead"...and so on and so forth I explain why I think this is important in the point below.

-make sure you understand the reasons behind writing from a specific characters point of view (POV). Personally I wanted to know how Danny felt, what did he see in her bedroom? what were his thoughts about her? Because the chapter is from albus' POV it took away alot of the emotion and caring about her death, that we should have felt. Danny is the main character, (and because you got the first chapter spot-on) i now care about what Danny cares about, so it's not good to tear the audience away from the main character at such an emotional point in the a point where we could actually learn quite a lot about what Danny is like as a person. And if I get to share the pain of her death with him the shock of her being alive would be much more BAM! Because then, as a writer, you are taking you're audience through an emotional journey/ roller coaster, and that's when an audience becomes loyal and committed to a story; when they are emotionally impacted by it.

The only reason I went to town on this review is because you are a really REALLY good writer and you had a lovely style in the first chapter that I would hate for you to let slide so quickly into the story. I hope you don't think me mean, just some friendly advice. I am very much liking where this is going though! Congrats to you :)


Author's Response: Constructive criticism!!! THANKS SO MUCH!!! No I definitely do NOT think that you are mean. I think your review has been the most helpful review that I have ever received in my entire fanfiction writing life, not going to lie!

I'm definitely going to reconsider my next update and edit this chapter because I do think you brought up so many good points that I think I definitely need to incorporate before going on because I don't want to make the rest of the story messy or anything like that.

Thanks SO much, love. This review has REALLY helped me out a lot! I hope you continue reading, and stay tuned for what's to come, and the edits for this chapter! (:


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Review #19, by Nitra The Beginning

31st March 2013:
Love love that cliff hanger, beautiful written actually feel like I'm in Danny's mind, good job!! :)


Author's Response: aww thanks so much! (: ~Claire

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Review #20, by Pottergirl7 The Beginning

16th March 2013:
I'm really interested to see where this is going to go. Your final line, Cara Palmer is dead, made me sad because I kind of hoped things would work out with her Danny. They sounded very close as kids and its pity they argued. I wonder if they ever reconciled before she died?
Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: I hated the idea of having to kill Cara because I actually had a whole plot planned for her and Danny but the story just worked out better for me to have her murdered :( thanks so much for your wonderful review! (:

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Review #21, by Nadia The Beginning

14th March 2013:
This story seems like it could be really interesting! It's different from other stories I've read and I like it. I must know more! Please update soon!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you're interested! (:
I hope to be able to keep your interest, and the next update should be in the queue soon as soon as I'm done with exams! thanks for the wonderful review!

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