Reading Reviews for Moon Frogs
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by cypress Moon Frogs

28th May 2013:
Hello! cypress here (finally) with a review for your challenge entry. First off, thanks so much for submitting! I really enjoyed this story. You did a great job with your description and I liked your use of metaphors.

This sentence is lovely: "The sun's orange glow had abandoned the trees entirely, and the moon had risen to reign, silvery and bright." And I liked how you described her welcoming joy: "she welcomed the feeling as a friend that she had gone far too long without seeing." You use nice imagery throughout. I think that if you have a chance, you should consider fixing the spacing to make it easier to read. It really is difficult when your paragraphs are spaced so far apart.

But spacing notwithstanding, I really love this story! I was a little thrown at first by Luna's fear because I remember her being very understanding of the creatures, but I quickly realized where the story was going, and had I not already read book 5, I wouldn't have thought it strange at all that she found the thestrals frightening. I think I would have liked a little more description of the thestrals themselves because, if it weren't for having read book 5, I wouldn't know what they looked like. ;)

I've got one last story to review and then I'll be PMing the results. Thanks again for your story!

x cypress

Author's Response: Hello cypress!

Thank you for reviewing, and wow, what an awesome idea for a challenge! It was great fun to write for, and it certainly inspired me to include more sensory detail in the rest of my writing.

A description of the thestrals' appearance would have been such a great opportunity to use imagery and the visual sense, and the second I read that suggestion I immediately wished I had done it. As for Luna's reaction to the thestrals, I was really hoping to develop the understanding you mention in my story, because I think it's just so fitting! They are clearly misunderstood creatues (hey, Hagrid was right for once!) and Luna surely has that in common with them.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed my entry! Definitely post another challenge sometime. :)

- Warrior


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Review #2, by cypress Moon Frogs

28th May 2013:
Hello! cypress here (finally) with a review for your challenge entry. First off, thanks so much for submitting! I really enjoyed this story. You did a great job with your description and I liked your use of metaphors.

This sentence is lovely: "The sun's orange glow had abandoned the trees entirely, and the moon had risen to reign, silvery and bright." And I liked how you described her welcoming joy: "she welcomed the feeling as a friend that she had gone far too long without seeing." You use nice imagery throughout. I think that if you have a chance, you should consider fixing the spacing to make it easier to read. It really is difficult when your paragraphs are spaced so far apart.

But spacing notwithstanding, I really love this story! I was a little thrown at first by Luna's fear because I remember her being very understanding of the creatures, but I quickly realized where the story was going, and had I not already read book 5, I wouldn't have thought it strange at all that she found the thestrals frightening. I think I would have liked a little more description of the thestrals themselves because, if it weren't for having read book 5, I wouldn't know what they looked like. ;)

I've got one last story to review and then I'll be PMing the results. Thanks again for your story!

x cypress

 Report Review
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