Reading Reviews for Instinctual
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by pookielow Prologue

14th August 2013:
That was a great beginning to your story! I can't wait to read more; please update soon!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it - I'm definitely going to start working on the next chapter soon!
-ShadowRose


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Review #2, by Siriusly89 Prologue

10th July 2013:
Sarahjane here with Review #5. Iím actually quite sad that this is the last review.

Okay, so at first glance, this main character seems a bit, well, depressed. Usually people stroll off into the forest for a bit of an adventure with their friends, not the way this girl does, as if sheís escaping for something. Ah, her brother died the poor thing, thatís whatís sheís escaping from.

Oh good! Iím glad that she seems eager to move on, not that she should go off skipping in the sunset and forget about her brother, but its good that she realises she canít live in the past, and thatís not what her brother would have wanted her to do!

Iím pretty sure Hagrid was in that meadow before, and that he has a good reason for avoiding it too (Harry faking being dead anyone?)

I like how she took up Astronomy in memory of her brother sort of, it proves what a close relationship she had with him. And then the centaurs allowing her in the forest is nice too!

She seems, very in control, but not in the same was as Abigail from ĎComplicatedí is. Itís sort of like, people arenít allowing her to break down, and that she has sort of accepted she canít and gets on with it. Itís odd, but very intriguing!

Oh! I like how you kept the fact sheís an Animagus concealed until the very end! That was a very nice touch!

Well, thatís the five reviews. Can I just say that itís been so fun reading all your pieces, and Iíll definitely be back for more!

Sarahjane

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Review #3, by dreamer21 Prologue

16th April 2013:
great ending, im actually looking forward to what lies next!
Em

Author's Response: Thanks! I'll have the next chapter up as soon as I can! :)
-ShadowRose


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Review #4, by patronus_charm Prologue

13th March 2013:
Hello there! Iím here with your requested review, Iím glad that you found my other one helpful, so hopefully this one will be just as helpful!

I really liked the description at the beginning of this chapter, as it set a great scene for the rest of it, and I feel thatís one of the most important things in the story, so yay that you did that! I thought that it was interesting that you started off the story in the Forbidden Forest for two reasons. First of all, it meant that the story had quite a dark and mysterious element, which I really enjoy, and I find thatís something that lacks a lot in next gen stories. And secondly, the Forbidden Forest seems to be forgotten in fan fiction so I was glad it made an appearance here.

I noticed that you used ĎIí, a lot in this chapter, and if you look at the page you can see it pop out. Itís not a bad thing, itís just more of a style thing, and you might want to mix it up a bit, so it avoids getting repetitive.

I would also like to point out that we donít learn the name of the MC until the end of the chapter, and that meant we didnít feel as connected as we could have done, and I couldnít tell whether she was a canon characters child, or not, so it might be a good idea to introduce it earlier.

I liked how you established that the siblings had a good relationship, as you donít often see that in fan fiction, as theyíre usually screaming and throwing abuse at each other. You could tell how close they were, and how your MC was affected by his death so much. It was nice to throw in those observations she made about him, as they were really poignant, and showed how much she missed him.

I really liked the appearance of centaurs as Iíve never seen that before, and it worked really well, and let you know that Genevieve is unique, due to the fact that she sought them out. Again it ties in with the mystery you set up at the beginning, and I like that twist of next gen.

I really liked the flashback, as it conveyed a lot of emotion, and you could tell how hard it was for her. Even though Iíve barely met this Dan, I already felt incredibly saddened by his death, and I think it was because you portrayed the grieving process very well.

I liked the fact that she an animagus, as again it changed the usually clichť next gen era! Iím also looking forward to finding out how she became one.

I would perhaps make the gaps between the paragraphs smaller, so itís easier on the eye, and looks cleaner.

Other than that it was a very interesting prologue, and I can see that you have a really unique story set up, feel free to re-request when the next chapters up!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Ahhh, this review just made me so happy!

I've always felt that no one brings up the Forbidden Forest enough in fanfiction, so I figured, what better place to start my story? :)

I will definitely go look at all those I's... I hate being repetitive, so thanks for pointing that out! I also do need to move her name up... actually, when I first wrote it, I completely forgot to throw it in altogether, so it ended up in a really random place.

I've always loved seeing siblings with good relationships, especially when they are their own best friends, so the idea came naturally. The centaurs were actually very interesting to write, and I eventually pulled out one of the HP books to look at their behavior again!

The flashback was kind of a last-minute addition, but I really like it too. :)

I will fix those gaps too! It always looks fine on word, and gets so strange on here. :)

Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose


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Review #5, by HallowsAndHorcruxes Prologue

13th March 2013:
In answer to your question no I didn't figure out the animagus thing, that was very well played!

Anyway I really like the plot line you have set in so far. I can tell that Guinevere was very close to her brother and I must say I was coming close to tears myself when I was reading about the funeral. You've really shown the emotions well as it is a very touching story so far. Had there been much more about her brother's funeral I'm sure I would have been sobbing onto my keyboard. Which is a good thing, trust me!

I also love how you use metaphors in your story to describe feelings and situations, like her 'breaking down' and being a black hole of grief who will suck everyone else in was a personal favourite of mine. If I'm honest I couldn't really see much wrong with it at all so I can't think of anything to improve upon at all. Others might pick things up but for me it's was prefect!

Keep on writing,

~Hallows

Author's Response: Wow, this is so sweet!

That flashback was just, almost difficult to write. It was such raw emotion. But in the end, I do like how it turned out. :)

I love metaphors. I feel like I use them a lot in real life too...

Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose


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Review #6, by Fanifical Prologue

12th March 2013:
Yes! It's so unique! I really love Tale As Old As Time so I thought I would give this a go. I wasn't disappointed, that's for sure! Love it! Keep writing, both stories! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you like them! I'm definitely still working on both, and will have new chapters up ASAP! :)
-ShadowRose


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Review #7, by soapman333 Prologue

12th March 2013:
I'm excited to review this because you favorited my silly novel, "Shut Up and Kiss Me". Is it weird that I know that? I'll stop being creepy now...

All right, so this was an awesome start to your story. I was immediately pulled into the plot of the story.

Oh my gosh, there are centaurs in this story? I love it! Actually, I'm a fan of where you're going with this work.

So, the girl introduced (does she have a name? Well, she probably does, but did I skip over it by accident?) is awesome. I mean, I feel bad that she lost her brother and stuff, but I like her as a character. I immediately sympathize with her.

Hmm, oh yes the flashback was brilliant! I have an "obsession," for lack of a better word, with putting little flashbacks or short stories in everything I write. So, trust me when I say: well done! It was very interesting to read, and that's saying a lot, because (let's face it) a lot of flashbacks on this site aren't that great...

*cough* okay, so I like it! The over-all narrative was awesome. Feel free to re-request the next chapter :D

soapman333

Author's Response: Don't feel creepy, because I immediately recognized your username when I was requesting because of said "silly novel," so we're both equally creepy. :)

I'm glad you liked it! And yay, you like my main character! Her name's Genevieve, but I may or may not have remembered to put that part into the chapter... I feel like that should be important? :)

I love flashbacks too, and I'm very happy you thought it was a good one! It was actually a last minute addition, but I really like what it adds to the story. :)

Thanks for reviewing! :) (yes, I have a problem with smiley-faces, I really ought to use them more sparingly...)

-ShadowRose


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Review #8, by Ivy Smith Prologue

12th March 2013:
I love it, and being in a situation similiar (I lost my big brother), I found the things you said very truthful. It tugged on my little heart strings :( WRITE MORE ASAP!!!
And the animagus bit made read it all over again :)

Author's Response: I'm sorry for your loss, but it does make me happy to see that I portrayed the character realistically. I'm working on getting the next chapter ready ASAP! :)
-ShadowRose


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Review #9, by Carolynn Prologue

10th March 2013:
Here`s the review you requested!

I really liked it! It brought tears to my eyes in some parts

I also suggest that you don`t space out the paragraphs, it hurts people`s eyes.

I did guessed that she was an Animagus, I played to much mystery games when I was younger.

Author's Response: Yay, I'm very happy that you liked it!

Oh, cool! You figured it out! I did intentionally leave hints, trying to see if anyone would. I agree, I read way too many detective novels as a kid to miss something like that. :)

Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose


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Review #10, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend Prologue

9th March 2013:
I like the way you described how people behave around her. It's very believable. Also when the lead mentions that it is time to move on, not forget but to live. Nicely done!
And the way you describe things, is something I really like. The description of the meadow; poetic and not too much explained, so it leaves room for my imagination to flow. And it was a nice metaphor for her life and the way she looked at it. I spoke of hope.

I wondered, is there a specific reason why the centaurs trust her? Or simply because when she is in the forest, she isn't strictly speaking herself? I really like how you described them. It fits with the way J.K. always spoke of them.

The flashback was incredibly sad. And well placed into the chapter!

I wonder if she is as ready to move on as she thinks she is. Simply because nobody helped her deal with the pain. She wasn't able to talk about it. I do hope she finds someone that will let her speak though and I wonder what that would do to her. Or what would happen to her if she doesn't find anyone any time soon...

On a more shallow note; I love the name Genevieve!!!

A small typo in the second sentence: reveling -> revelling.
And where you mention it's been three years since Daniel died you have one 'it' too many in the sentence.

And you did give some nice clue's about what she was. However, not too many. Not everyone will catch on which I think is good. I like it when information is given in bits and pieces.

All in all I can say I really enjoyed reading this! It has a nice flow and style to it. It made me very interested in where this story will go.

Author's Response: Be right back, currently squealing in happiness over this review.

Okay, I'm back. I'm glad I portrayed the main character well - I'm writing from an angle that I'm relatively unfamiliar with, so it's good to know I'm doing it realistically.

The centaurs were interesting to write, and I worked really hard to make sure they were accurately described, so I'm happy you noticed that! I think that yes, part of the reason they trust her is that she isn't a human, and that she's also similar to Hagrid in that she just gets along with magical creatures quite well, especially considering she is somewhat of one herself. :)

She kind of doesn't know her own emotions. Since she hasn't really had anyone to help her deal with it, she's just let it collect inside of her. Truth be told, I'm still debating how I want this to play out later on in the story.

I love the name Genevieve too, and I actually picked it because of how it'll be used in future chapters. Okay, stopping now before I give away anything. :)

Gahh, I hate that stupid double l rule... I will make sure to fix that, along with the "it," ASAP! :)

I kind of tried to leave subtle hints, but yeah, the whole point is that it does come as a little bit of a surprise in the end, and you think "oh... how did I miss that?" :)

Yay! I'm glad you liked this. Thanks for the review!

-ShadowRose


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