Hi, I'm here for some review tag! :)

This is a really cool story, and very well written. I liked the fragmented style of short sentences, and the obscurity of the characters. If we didn't know that it was Draco and the few specifics, this could be any troubled and upset young person trying to find solace- it feels universal in that way.

I also thought the use of repetition was very powerful, and fit the steady tone very well. It reads a little like a poem, rather than a strict and traditional narrative, and I really liked that!

It's really impressive that you wrote the story with all those guidelines and personal challenges. Well done! :) I don't think I could have done it, especially the apostrophes! Challenging yourself as a writer, especially with the no dialogue since you said that's something you rely on, can only help improve your writing and expand your talents, so I think it's an awesome idea! And congratulations on writing it in 501 words, I can really tell the care you took in choosing each word and making the piece powerful in its simplicity. Great job! :)

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Wow. This is a short piece, but it's so complex and complete that it feels as though I've read something much longer! (That's a GOOD thing! :D)

There aren't many words in each individual section about Draco's life, but in just a few words, you've given just enough detail for me to feel like I know exactly what's going on in Draco's life at that point. You did an AMAZING job with weeding out unimportant details and just sticking with what the reader needs to know - Kudos!

I'm not familiar with the Doctor Who quote, but I think it fits well with the tone and plot of the piece. Everything flowed nicely and there weren't any spelling or grammar mistakes either, well done!

10/10

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Interesting.

It's so far, so good, but practice makes perfect! I didn't even notice the lack of dialouge, and you did fantastically with that. What was really cool about this piece was how well you conveyed the idea with such short, clipped sentances. It sounded very poetic to me, and a bit like a song itself.

Anyway, great! You are probably getting annoyed of my nagging by now, but WHEN will you update Like a House On Fire?

Catch you later
-Krissy

Author's Response: I don't know if I'll ever try something like this again. I really liked writing in 500 words, that was super fun, but angst is super draining to write!

And concerning the update - I answered that in the review you left for Problems

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Tag!

I was going to review one of your longer stories but when I saw that this was for a Doctor Who quote challenge I couldn't resist it. I thought you weaved the quote into your story really well and didn't use it excessively, which some people tend to do.

This story was shorter than what I normally read, but it was very effective. You managed to portray Draco's life and feelings succinctly but in quite a striking manner. I think you would have to vary the length of your sentences and paragraphs a lot more if this was a longer story, but since it is a short one-shot it works well.

I think my favourite part was probably when you wrote about Draco's family. The descriptions you used for his parents were quite poignant and believable, and Bellatrix: "He had seen his aunt joyously succumb to the madness within." This is a perfect depiction of Bellatrix. Another strength here was the way you portrayed the vulnerability of Draco's character and the way that the war has affected him, even to the point where Astoria has to make the first move.

Overall, I really enjoyed this one-shot. Well done!

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: Hiya!

The longer stories are long, and who can resist Doctor Who, really? I'm happy to hear that you thought the quote was well used. It's a lovely quote, and I really wanted to do right by it.

I usually read short stories, but this was short, even for me! 501 words was difficult! I'm glad that you thought it worked, though! You're right in saying that this style wouldn't work for a longer story - it just wouldn't fit and would be difficult to sustain and still have it feel organic.

The paragraph about Draco's family is probably my favourite paragraph as well (is it weird to have faves for your own writing?). There was so much I wanted to say! And thanks for the compliment on Bellatrix! She's one of my faves, character wise, and I really wanted to do her justice. And it just felt so natural that Astoria would approach the creepy guy who watched her at the coffee shop for months without saying anything!

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Hi! From review tag 3.0! :)

This was short but sweet, I'll say. You've potrayed Draco's whole life perfectly in just a few words. The bits about Astoria were my favorite, though I enjoyed it all. =] Your Bellatrix was amazing too. All her cruelty was reflecting through the paragraph.
Good job! Keep writing! =]

Ashwini

Author's Response: Hello!

I love Bellatrix's character so much, so I am glad that you think I did her justice! And thank you for all your other wonderful compliments! They seriously mean a lot!

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My one constant thought while reading this was "this sounds like a poem." And it does sound like a poem as well as it looks like a poem.

My favourite part had to be the end though with Astoria and how she finally approached him.

And I gather from your large authors more that the Ood are your favourite DW aliens lol.

Anyway, I really liked this and awesome sauce job on the one-shot!

Author's Response: I suck at poems. It's weird that this one turned out like one. Completely unintentional. But I'm super happy that you like it!

My Draco/Astoria feels were far too evident in this. I ship them so hard it hurts sometimes.

The author's note might be a wee bit overboard, but I didn't know how else to convey my extreme enthusiasm over getting this particular quote.

And thanks for taking the time to review!

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OK, I just typed this long-ish review for you and submitted. AND IT DISAPPEARED. *sobs* it said submitted but when I checked again it WASN'T THERE.

Anyway. I'll just write it again. Sorry for the wait :(

So I was going to review your next chapter of Like a house on fire and see what Millie is up to, but then I saw this :D I love it when authors try out new styles.

This one was just beautifully written. The style is clipped, the sentences stand as paragraphs on their own, and the whole thing is segmented in a very lovely way to show the different stages of Draco's life, or the different parts of the "song of Draco", I suppose. There's a sense of despair about him, and the abrupt sentences, the fragments and repetitions all worked really well together to create that feeling of desolation about his character (although of course, the story is not completely angsty :) )

My favourite part has to be the third segment, where Draco goes on about the people in his life. Bellatrix, in particular gave me the chills. That sentence was just so precisely and perfectly worded, how she "joyously" "succumbs to the madness within". Seriously, Excellent diction. You've encapsulated the whole of Bellatrix with all her complexities and cruelties and insanity with just one sentence. And there is an almost perfect contrast with narcissa, "fading to greyness". I'm also inclined to think that perhaps this is the case for Draco as well.

And then there's the bits with Astoria. There are lovely splashes of detail here and there with the coffee shop and the grimy window and the jangling bell. Your fic is so sparse in description that these tiny things really stand out, and they really give a sense of setting, or in better words, set the scene for the meeting between Draco and Astoria. It's all done very beautifully. And then there's all that lovely word play with the "bitter" and the "sweet" and how she likes her coffee. It's simple but gahah, it's so sweet ♥

I'm so glad you chose to give your fic a happy ending :) It was angsty, but the end was slightly fluffy, and angsty fluff is just a perfect combination if done right, and this was certainly done beautifully. I'm so glad to have read this!

Great work :) I enjoyed this heaps.

-teh

Author's Response: Aww! You wrote two reviews for this story! I'm just so. flattered. right now!

Yes - new style. Way different to how I usually write, but it was fun! I used my weakness of having no description in my writing and relied heavily on people's understanding of canon, in the attempt to turn my weakness into my strength. I think it's cheating, but whatever.

With Draco, I wanted him to be this really angsty dude, because he seemed to have the potential for semi-legitimate adolescent angst. And because I love him, I wanted to show him as a bit of a tragic hero, rather than a misguided villain or whatever.

I'm glad you enjoyed that segment (it's my fave as well)! I think I spent the most amount of time on it, so good to know it worked out! To me, Bellatrix was like an eager Alice falling down the rabbit hole of her madness - she doesn't seem the type to do things by half measures, and so I felt it important to make that distinction between her and Narcissa (because I like Narcissa). And you're right in thinking that Draco and Narcissa are similar in that aspect. Draco is far more like his mother, in my mind, than Lucius.

The detail was deliberate, because I wanted it to be like Draco was finally waking up and noticing life when Astoria was around. Kinda cheesy, and hopelessly romantic, I know, but I couldn't help myself!

I hate sad endings. So even my attempt at full-blown angst had to have its happy ending. Because even "baddies" deserve happy endings sometimes!

Thanks so much for the lovely review! I really loved reading it! *blushes*

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Hey there lovely, here for your review request! So sorry its taken so long, having laptop troubles (daughter tipped her bottle on my laptop and its ruined the charger, no!!! :( ... I still love her, sigh... :P) Anywho...

VERY CLEVERLY WRITTEN! Yes, worthy of a caps attack! I honestly thought it was extremely clever in its composition. I have read a few other authors who have written 500 word stories like this (I think from memory my friends Elysium and MajiKat, been a while since I've read their stuff, but they love me so its cool lol) were rather partial to writing stuff like this too, so was nice seeing someone else writing this style as well, thanks :)

No, description. You did a wonderful job. The style you used to tell us EXACTLY where it fit into canon, and then continuing on with the story post-war, excellent. I knew you were referring to Lucius and Bellatrix and Snap and Narcissa, without even having to say their names, and knew you were referencing Lucius' fall from grace in Voldy's eyes, and Bella going more insane with power that eventually would kill her, and Narcissa consumed with guilt and worry over her only son. You didn't need to tell us exactly what was going on - we could tell as a reader EXACTLY what you meant with the single lines of reference, and THAT is very clever writing. Well done!!!

You were worried about it being a complete story with 501 words? Yes, it is. It is complete, with references to canon, past and future (eg, them getting together and having a kid etc), so I wouldn't be worried about that at all. It read like poetry, and was really, really enjoyable. The fact there was no dialogue, even better. I dont think I could say I would've enjoyed it anywhere near as much if there was dialogue in this style of story. All up, 10/10 and fav'd, I couldn't fault this if I wanted to, it was great :) Bobby xx

Author's Response: HAHA! Sorry, I shouldn't laugh, because that's actually a terrible thing to happen to someone! As long as your daughter was safe when the accident happened!

Wow! Thanks for the caps lock (I have great respect for caps lock)! 500 words was really difficult to do, but I'm glad that you liked it so much!

I was worried about its lack of description, but I'm glad to see that you found it not to be a problem! Thank goodness you knew to whom I was referring and where everything was set! I wasn't sure if I was relying to heavily on canon or not!

And yay for completedness (although incompletedness has its place as well, but just isn't as satisfying, in my opinion)! A few people have commented on its similarities to poems, and I find that so funny, because if you ever read any of my few attempts at poetry, you would laugh, it is that bad. So thanks for the super unexpected compliment! And whilst writing without dialogue was difficult, I felt it would ruin the effect, as you said.

Thanks so much for the fave and your love!

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Hello! I'm dropping by to flatter you into an oblivion :D!

Okay, so the format of this one-shot was actually really awesome (As opposed to mediocre, of course. That was supposed to be a joke...I'm having one of those days). Right, well I'm geeking out about the Doctor Who quote reference of, "Every song must end."

I felt like this one-shot was more of a poem, and I'm a huuuge fan of poems. The whole tone of this piece was just brilliant. I was really "hit with the feels" (hehe...I just quoted you) and that generally doesn't happen with wee Draco.

Draco and I aren't that great of pals...but your interpretation of Draco is awesome.

Right, so I've mentioned once that we both have similar writing styles (I also rely heavily on dialogue in my works) so I'm impressed that you were able to break from your original style for this piece. Way to go :D, you give me hope.

Hmm, I wish I was awesome enough to articulate an equally awesome review...I really liked this piece :D

Thanks for sending it to me! Doctor Who Forever!
soapman333

Author's Response: Hello. I'm looking forward to being flattered into oblivion - you've set yourself up, now!

(The joke was funny - I laughed) I'm glad you liked the format. It's something super different to the way I write normally. And I had a complete geeky freak out session when that was the quote I was given. You know why? BECAUSE I LOVE THE OOD! They're my favourite aliens of all time, even beating out Superman, who is pretty awesome.

Haha, I've had a couple of people say that the story reads like a poem! To be honest, it wasn't my intention (except for a bit of rhythm), especially because I'm not a fan of poems, nor can I ever write them when I actually try! So yay for my inadvertent genius?

(Loved the requoting, by the way!) I'm a bit of a sucker when it comes to Draco, and I've never written him, but I wanted to give him a bit of a happy ending. I felt he deserved it after all that!

Thank you for the wonderful review (your reviews are always really nice)! And there's always hope!

PS: DOCTOR WHO FOREVER!

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I've never read a story like this. 500 words seems not enough to write a story, in theory that is.
When I read the words "Every song must end" I thought of a quote from One Tree hill about this. I know that's not where you got it from, but it did spark my interest immediately.

This piece was very poetic, and it worked well for this story. You managed to say so much with so few words. The ending seemed a little hasty but it didn't really bother me to be honest.

I really like how you portrayed his feelings here. His guilt over all that had happened. His bitterness over walking away so easily, as if any punishment would have made it better for him.
And then that ending so full of hope for a future.

When I read your a/n I realised there was indeed no dialogue. I hadn't missed it at all. His feelings said it all. It made this story flow quite fluently.

I liked it!

Author's Response: Is the quote the same in One Tree Hill? How about that! I've never seen One Tree Hill, so I was unaware about this!

I'm really flattered that you found this piece poetic. It wasn't something I was aiming for, except for a sort of rhythm (does that count as poetry?) because whenever I've tried to actively write poetry, it hasn't worked out well! And I know the ending sounds hasty - because it is. My word limit was looming, so I rushed! *shrugs guiltily*

I'm glad you enjoyed Draco's characterisation. I tried to keep it as close as I could to canon, but I wasn't sure if my own sympathies might interfere!

Thanks for the lovely review!

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This was great. Love the bit of the rhythm and going a bit in depth of what Draco was feeling of the night of Dumbledore's Death and the reign of Voldemort. And especially the end, I really liked it. :)

Forgive me for this probably horrible review. I couldn't find nothing wrong with it. ^_^

Continue the great work. ;)


From the review tag,


-Asphodel

Author's Response: Hello! And don't worry! I love reading and responding to reviews - they're all wonderful!

I'm glad that you enjoyed the rhythm - I never really thought of it having a rhythm, but I guess it kinda does!

And I'm also happy to hear that you thought that Draco was written well! And thank you for liking the end! I'm a sucker for happy endings, and I have a soft spot for Draco, so I couldn't help myself!

I'm so flattered that you felt that you couldn't find anything wrong with it! Truly, very flattered indeed!

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Hello there I’m here with your requested review! And no there’s no queue, so you’re not being rude!

I really loved the first section it was great and it completely caught the mood of the quote, and the Draco at that moment in time. It was interesting to see how Draco was viewed as the chosen one on that side, and it showed how similar his and Harry’s life are, even though they were fighting different sides of the war. I did spot a capital letter for His greatest foe, I’m not sure if it was intended, but I thought I would point it out, as it looked a little odd.

It was interesting to see that the fateful night on the Astronomy Tower still affected him so much, and that it still haunted him so much. I guess it would be the only natural thing, as it affected his life, and so many others so much. It also represented his loss of innocence, and you seemed to pick up on that fact, and it echoed well in the mood of the story.

I really liked sections three and four, as the first one seemed to show how low their lives were, and that it seemed as if there was no hope of recovering from the chasm of darkness they were currently in, and that they were destined to stay there. Then the second section seemed to portray hope, and the significance of it.

I really liked the use of the different sections and how they seemed to portray a different segment of his life, and how it affected him. The only think I would say to improve on that, is perhaps include a few more lines in the one about how this girl changed him, as it felt a little brief to me.

The use of short sentences also worked well here. I’m normally not that keen on them here, but it fitted well with the idea and theme of this story, and I think the use of no apostrophes worked well here, because if you used them, they would represent Draco knowing what would happen next in his life, whereas the full stops were more blunt, and showed how unexpected and unpredictable it was.

I think the style worked really well here, but I feel if it was used for longer works, it may get a little tedious, so perhaps combine it with your usual style, if you want to mix it up a bit! It’s almost making me want to challenge myself by not including it, as I tend to rely on it too much as well!

I think it felt like a complete story, and it seemed like the perfect length to me, and it wouldn’t have been as effective if it was any longer.

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hello! And thank goodness I wasn't being rude!

I've always thought that Draco and Harry were just two sides of the same coin, so I wanted to show a bit of that here. And the capital letter was on purpose - I think I wanted it to signify that Voldemort was practically a god to the "other" side, and how he was fearfully worshipped and everything.

I have a feeling that Draco finally realised the price to pay on that particular night. He definitely lost something that night, and I like to believe that it wasn't his humanity, so that night still haunts him.

To me, the quote itself has an element of hope in it, along with its inevitability, so I wanted to let a bit of that hope shine through. Also, I have a soft spot for Draco - so I gave him a bit of a happy ending!

You definitely have a point about Astoria and her brevity in this piece. It was terrible of me how I didn't build up her appearance like, at all, and she just appeared. This is a terrible excuse, but it was because I was close to my self-imposed word limit. I must improve there!

Apostrophes are really weird things, if you think about it, so I avoided them, just for fun. I'm glad that you think it worked out well!

The style would probably not work well in many other situations. I like the idea of combining it with my usual style though - it could mix things up a bit! Thanks for the tip!

Thanks for the wonderful review!

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Hey there! Nice to see you pop up in the review battle again ;)

So, first off, I've never read anything in quite this style of writing before. It's almost poem- or song-like, instead of heavy prose, which I really liked and thought went perfectly with the title. I think, in a way, it worked because it kinda lacked... well, most things, lol. Description, dialogue, etc. It was basic, simplistic and yet a compact and touching story. Plus, only 501 words? Well done! You have my respect - I could never write anything that short... it would kill me.

I love the way you go through the last few years of the war and beyond and Draco's life during them. Starting from when he was given the task by the Dark Lord was such a good idea - it really worked and I loved the way you talked about it. Like he was literally the opposite of Harry. The Dark Lord's chosen one, rather than Dumbledore's. Just be aware of repetition - I'm not totally sure if it worked in the first paragraph... it reads a bit weirdly, you know, but I really got what you meant by it, so... *shrugs* Up to you, I think! :)

I loved how you developed his character as well, throughout that time period and only really mentioned other characters when necessary, and even then only when they were important. It would have been so easy to mention, say, Harry or someone, but it worked so well with so few mentions.

Astoria! :) I'm a big Draco/Astoria fan, so I always love it when people include her. I like the way you made her approach him and the way he just watched her in a cafe. It could have come off as creepy, you know just staring at someone, but because it was only in a cafe and he was, really, too scared to do anything about it (let's face it, lol), it just wasn't. I liked the references to the coffee as well - the whole bitter/sweet dichotomy.

Ah, the end! I have to mention this - at the beginning I genuinely thought he was going to die. I thought you were going to kill him off, and nearly laughed at myself at the end, because of course one song can't still play when another song starts, and it made so much sense, then. But yeah, blonde moment :) And I loved how you linked it back to the beginning, making it feel almost cyclical in the sense that each time it's kinda a new adventure or chapter in his life and he changes each time. I liked that.

I really, really enjoyed this. It was lovely. In answer to your bunch of questions at the bottom, I'd say don't try and write everything like this - it's a pretty specific style and while it worked fabulously here, it might not elsewhere, you know? But yeah, this was wonderful :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Ah, the battle for reviews is a neverending war, is it not? One can simply not lie low for too long!

I never thought of it that way, that the actual style tied in with the title! I'm not a poetry kind of person, so the thought never crossed my mind! Wow! Thanks for pointing that out!

The story lacks like everything, partly because I wanted to challenge myself, partly because I was lazy, and partly because description scares me. I'm glad to hear that it still worked! And I tend to err on the overly wordy side from time to time, so this was actually really hard! I think I had 499 words at one point, and then I rewrote a bit of it, and ended up with 520 words all of sudden!

Draco was just such an angsty character at the time, and the quote felt a bit angsty as well, so I thought I'd give it a go! And I know the repetition of which you speak! It's probably my least favourite part and kept me up late at night! I'll definitely try and rework it at some point, because it really annoys me.

I'm glad to hear that you thought Draco progressed well. Whilst writing it, I felt like I wasn't doing enough to him, so I'm super happy to hear that you liked it!

I'M SUCH A HUGE DRACO/ASTORIA FAN! Who cares if we've never met her? I just really want their story to be super-romantic, is all! If someone ever watched me in a cafe like that, I'd be pretty creeped out, but because it was Draco and Astoria, I didn't feel so weird about it!

You thought he was going to die? Really? To me, the quote always had a ray of hope somewhere hidden inside it, simply because (DW spoilers alert!) even though the quote signals the end to the reign of the Tenth Doctor, it also heralds the beginning of an Eleventh Doctor, and I guess the great Circle of Life continues... guess who watches Doctor Who and Lion King too intensely?

And definitely - the writing style simply wouldn't work for other stuff!

Thanks for such a wonderful review!

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Hello! Here for your requested review.

This was indeed a very unique piece of writing. I loved the way you expressed Draco's thoughts in these short clipped sentences. I also liked your creativity of not using any apostrophes and dialogue, that was pretty good.

I also liked your descriptions, if you can call them "descriptions". They were very simple and not elaborate at all, and yet they were suited to the mood. For instance, the "description" of the coffee shop scene was done well - "he stared out the grimy window", "he heard the bell jangle", etc. However, not much scene was set, and there was hardly any imagery, but I think that it is acceptable in such a piece because the focus is one emotions, mood, and the theme, and not on the action or the scene.

Draco was portrayed well. Even though we didn't really see much of his "characterisation", he seemed to be along the lines of canon. His fear, guilt, angst, was all justified and expressed nicely. I'd have liked to see a little bit more of Astoria (through Draco's eyes) maybe. Maybe you could include one more segment before "In the end she approached him..." one where you shed more light on her.

The story flowed really smoothly and I was engrossed while reading. I think you used the quote very well too. The ending was a bit off though, not really going with the fluidity of the rest of the piece. Maybe you should consider rephrasing the last three sentences, in particular - "And the song of Draco had ended." and "But the song of Draco and Astoria had only just begun."

Besides the little suggestions I provided (feel free to take them or ignore them), I really liked this. You managed to capture the main elements of the plot well in such a short word count. I won't say that the story felt "complete" as I'd have liked more description and scene setting to declare it complete, but the mood and the main elements were still shown, so that's good enough.

The writing style is different of course, and I liked it too, but I'd suggest to not "adapt" it. You could always try something like this again - it is good for occasional one-shots but definitely not for longer pieces. You could always mix in this writing style with the normal style though when you want to portray real angst - I usually do a mix and match =)

Over all, this made for a good read. It was certainly a very well-made attempt at something new. I am glad you explored your creative talents here. Keep stretching your writing abilities!

8/10

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hello!

I rely on dialogue (and apostrophes) far too much, so I wanted to give a piece without those two things a shot. I cheated a little by making sure that the word count was small as well!

Oh, my goodness! You cannot believe how you've made my day, just by saying that you liked my descriptions (let's ignore the fact that they barely classify as descriptions)! I'm terrible at them, so it means a lot to me that you think I did well with them!

You're right in that the piece focuses on only a few elements in a story. This was partly because of the self-imposed word limit, and partly because I was being a bit lazy. I'm glad that you still thought it worked out okay in the end!

I know the ending needs a bit of reworking. Astoria kinda just pops out of nowhere and things move along really quickly with absolutely no development of character on her part. If I ever get around to reworking this, I'll be sure to keep your suggestions in mind!

And I think this writing style really was just a bit of a one-off. I can see how it just wouldn't work for longer pieces at all, especially considering that I'd need to pad it out with description and characterisation, and whatnot!

And thank you for your lovely review and suggestions!

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Hi there!

This is such a sweet and lovely piece that made my heart melt. That's the best description that I can give it.

I absolutely loved this sentence: "Let her heal his soul" beautiful and so powerful. It must have been really hard for Draco to admit that he was broken. Amazing.

Description -- While your story lacks of a scene setting and maybe the description is weak, I believe that in this case is not really necessary. The mood is all that you used and you did it wonderfully; you lead the reader with the emotions that Draco is having and you make me feel.

Characterization -- just as the description, it's not really necessary for you to set the character's personality, because what you're transmitting are emotions, but you can see some of the personality of canon Draco.

Flow -- Beautifully fluid. You take the reader easily and make many emotions flow in such a small piece (something not many can achieve).

I really liked this and I enjoyed a lot while reading. I, however, don't really think that you should adopt this particular writing style (for long stories) because for something short and sweet is awesome, but something longer could get somewhat tiresome. I do believe that you should adopt those short, moving phrases that are so strong to create feelings and adapt that into stories stronger in description and characterization. I strongly believe that with that you'll make some of the best stories in HPFF.

Thank you for your request!

-- Andrea.

Author's Response: Heya!

This story was actually really weird to write, so I am pretty worried about it. It's like, REALLY different from my normal writing style - and I think you have a point. The particular style isn't quite suited to longer pieces at all, especially considering that it lacks like everything that makes a story fun to read - such as dialogue, and description.

I like your suggestion about adopting shorter phrases though, so thanks for that! I might give it a bit of a go, and see how it feels!

And thank you for liking the story even though it lacks practically everything! And it's such a relief that you thought the flow was good! I purposefully left out description because it gives me a headache, I'm so bad at it!

Thanks for such a lovely review! It was very helpful!

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