Reading Reviews for Rasputin
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SeverusLove Severus Snape

26th March 2014:
Wow, if it weren't for that Author's Note at the bottom...I didn't expect Severus would be a least favourite character of yourse; you wrote him quite well.

For some reason, the first few scenes reminded me a lot about my first fic, 'Hopelessness', but only in some aspects. You definitely expanded on Eileen and Tobias and gave them much more personality; I greatly appreciate that.

I love your analogy of Lily and Christmas with the red of her hair and the green of her eyes. It was so fitting. I loved how you wrote that he found comfort in her and envied her parents; his reasons to delve into the dark side was made more justified and clear with this.

I'm not familiar with Rasputin or his story. I tried Googling him but I can't quite make out what his place was in Russian history...but he does sound intriguing. e.e

You did great in the writing of this, thank you for that. There was a sentence or two I came across that was a bit funky for me --

[magic was where the power lied.] -- 'lied' just seems a bit of an odd choice of word since, reading it, the first comprehension that registered was the Pinocchio kind of 'lied'. Maybe switching it with 'magic was where the power lay' or 'magic was where the power laid' might seem better? That's just me being picky though; feel free to ignore me.

[Severus needed to bid his time and play his cards right.] -- I'm not sure if this was intentional or not as 'bid' does seem in league with the 'play his cards' part, but, in my opinion, 'bide' would make more sense instead.

That aside, I enjoyed reading this; keep on writing, yeah?
~ Sevvy

Author's Response: I'm really glad to hear that it wasn't obvious that Snape was my least favorite character! To write objectively is always my goal despite my personal feelings, so I'm glad to hear that!

Hmmm, I will have to go back and check the grammar on those two sentences. Thanks for pointing it out! :)

Rasputin was a sort of double-agent in Russian history. He was a rather complicated character!

I'm glad that you enjoyed this! Thank you!

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Review #2, by Bobby Dazzler Severus Snape

21st May 2013:
Hey again Claire,
First up, why you no likey Snape? :P

I was having trouble typing even that much cuz my daughter was climbing all over me wanting to say hi, so hi from Lily (... yes her name is Lily lol), and now that she's asleep, back to my review! :)

Ok, 1, love the banner. I don't judge books by their covers but that's a nice peice of artwork there, love it! :)

I too LOVE Russian history. I find it fasinating, particularly cuz I've "married" into a Russian family, so learning everything is just so interesting to me, so I very much enjoyed this having a tie in with Russia.

There were a few spelling and grammar mistakes throughout this one though which got a bit confusing, particularly between tenses. In a few instances you'd switch from present to past tense and back again, so might wanna just have another read over this one and fix up a few areas where it doesn't quite read right.

Snape is such a complex character, and not many stories reflect on his younger days growing up at Spinners End or with knowing Lily before Hogwarts etc. I think you did a good job with the imagery, making his home dark and cluttered, and not very inviting, compared to his visions of Lily bathed in sunlight on the swings etc, it just balanced out nicely and you could see he'd found some sort of peace in his little personal hell.

To me, reading this one, Snape seemed a little one-sided in his thought process, like he hadn't opened his mind up to the entire situation only when put in the position by Voldemort and Dumbledore to spy on one another. He just seemed very one track minded about muggleborns and erradicating them from the magical world. I think he would've had a view on it absolutely, but maybe not quite as strong? At the end of the day, Lily was a muggleborn too and he loved her more than anything in the world, so he might not have had such strong views given her heritage, though I'm sure he still would've had an opinion, absolutely. I think perhaps the influence of Rasputin might've come across a little too harshly in this one, given what we know of Snape's character, but it was still interesting to think that he was THAT corrupt and confused in his own mind. I enjoyed it :)

Off to read some more! :) xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I think it was one of the few reviews with constructive criticism that I really get regarding my plot. Also, I'll really need to get a beta or something for all of my grammar issues. I realize now that tense isn't one of my strong points.

I also love Russian history! I think it's just so complex that there was so many possibilities, but this was just the way that was easiest for me to incoroporate Rasputin into magic.

Thanks so much for your lovely review! (:

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Review #3, by nott theodore Severus Snape

14th May 2013:
This was a great one-shot!

This was a really interesting take on Snape's character, and I liked the way that you wove in Rasputin's story as well. One of the things that I enjoy in the series is the hints that famous historical figures might have been magical, so I thought this linked in well with the books. There are lots of parallels you can draw between their lives, and that made it a very interesting read.

There was something about Snape's reaction to his father that rang very true. And I think that it could explain why he hates muggles, too. If he has been persecuted to some extent by his father because of being magical, it's very plausible that he would grow to hate muggles and believe that wizards were inherently better. It also makes sense that he would feel disdain towards his mother for lowering her standards and exposing him to such a cruel father. I've never really thought of him having those prejudices at such a young age, but it worked here.

I actually found myself really feeling for Snape in this story, despite the fact that one of the main emotions he feels is hatred. But I thought that his feelings for Lily worked well, especially in the first section when he never named her but spoke about her as if she was sacred. The way that he didn't want his mother dirtying the pure places that Lily frequented.

It was quite strange to think that Snape was glad, in a way, to lose Lily's friendship, but his logic behind that was easy to follow. I could also understand why he hated James and Harry so much, because he saw them both as reasons for Lily's death.

There were just a few mistakes that I picked up on:
"Christmas at the Snapes" -- Snapes'
"That is no way to ever speak to someone in an advantaged position than you." -- more advantaged
"Her marriage to a Muggle had warranted in, an albeit small, announcement in The Daily Prophet." -- you don't need the first 'in' here

Apart from those small errors, I thought that your characterisation was really good in what is actually quite a short story.

Overall, I really enjoyed this one-shot. It definitely hit the spot!

Sian :)

Author's Response: I'm really glad that you found the connection with Rasputin understandable, and that Snape's prejudice towards Muggles can possibly come from an early age. I always felt that Snape's hatred had to come from somewhere so where better than from his family? I think that is what was amazing about Harry, the fact that he grew up with such horrid Muggles but he was so good of a person, ya know? I definitely wanted to portray Snape's feelings for Lily in a different way than they have been portrayed before because he DID choose the dark arts over Lily so there had to be a reason, but the fact that Snape always loved Lily contradicts his actions earlier on.

I will definitely change the mistakes! Thanks for pointing it out!

And thanks for your WONDERFUL review! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #4, by DumbledoresArmyOfOne Severus Snape

15th April 2013:
This story doesn't seem to be getting nearly enough love for it's quality so I thought I'd pop in and tell you how brilliant it is!

I love the spin on Rasputin- he's such a creepy figure, and his allegiances are much contested, just like Snape.

The quality of writing is very good. There are a few odd word choices and some weird punctuation, but nothing a quick skim wouldn't fix, so that's always nice.

One thing you should watch are your tenses, though. Around the middle of the story they're a bit all over the place.

This is a really detailed, textured story. I love the little snippets of time: just a quick look into his mind and then zoom, off to the next one. It's almost like looking through a pensieve :D

I really love the story, it was very well done.


Author's Response: Awww thank you so much! (:
I'm glad that you found the correlation between Snape and Rasputin obvious and not randomly made. I'll definitely be sure to go over the grammar once again! Thank you for pointing it out! I'm glad that you didn't find the time jumps confusing! I definitely wanted to portray all of Snape's life so that was just what worked out best for me.

Thank you so much for your wonderful review! (:

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Review #5, by ChaosWednesday Severus Snape

8th April 2013:
Hey there, it's Whiskey from the forums!

When I put Rasputin on the list for the challenge I never expected anything like this, so put me down as pleasantly surprised! Snape happens to be one of my favourite characters and I find that your analysis of his psyche (despite your dislike of the character) was thoughtful and nuanced!

I know that the problem with challenges is that there is a deadline, and so I won't criticize you for the fact that you must have written the story in such a short time. But it does feel like you could flesh it out a bit more, so maybe when you feel up for the task, you might find some of my advice useful.

First, I couldn't help but notice that you do a lot of telling rather than showing. Especially in such a character-focused story, we must delve into the inner world of Snape. Rasputin as an idea does indeed create such a gateway, but some more imagery and reflection could help understand the connection better.

I like that you don't go into the actual story of Rasputin and use him more as an idea that is in Snape's head. It's quite original and makes sense considering that Snape's intepretation of the historical figure is what matters, and not the facts from the history books. Defining Rasputin as a misunderstood double agent was great and showed clear parallels to Snape's story. If I may, I would like to suggest that another defining feature of Snape's story, namely his love for Lily, can be translated into the figure of Rasputin as well. He was rumourd to be in love with the Tsarina (whether the love was romantic or not no one can say, but it was definitely a doomed and turbulent relationship to an unattainable woman - does sound familiar, doesn't it ;)?)

Basically, you have a great idea here and it could be really interesting if you take the time to explore Snape's motivations a bit more and to link the two characters more clearly. Also, a bit more showing instead of telling could really make the story come to life.

great story and thank you for entering the challenge!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for that CC.
You really did point out so many things that looking back, I feel like I can definitely incorporate into a revision/edit of this one-shot.

I'm glad that my dislike for Snape's overall character didn't damage the way that I wrote him! That was one thing I was a bit worried about.

Thanks so much for your advice, and it was a pleasure to write for this challenge (:

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Review #6, by ScarletEye158 Severus Snape

6th April 2013:
Hey there! This was a really good one-shot! :)

I couldn't tell at all through this story that Snape was one of your least favorite characters! I think you definitely did him justice and didn't make your story biased on how you actually felt about him. Something I find really hard to do :P

The story on Rasputin was really interesting. I liked the way Sev's mom told him the story and how she connected it to his father. It definitely make sense that Snape would want to become the next Rasputin and you pieced that together very well :)

I also really liked how you connected Sev's father as the sole reason he hated Muggles. It definitely makes perfect sense and I just feel bad he had to grow up with him :/

This was an interesting story because it didn't have much of Lily in it. Even though it did mention her quite a bit, I liked how it was more focused on Sev and how his hatred of Muggles and fascination with Rasputin developed.

Great one shot! It was nice to read :)


Author's Response: Oh my gosh, I'm so glad that my dislike for Snape wasn't too obvious. He IS an interesting character, so no matter what, I want to do justice to his complexity.

I'm really glad that you liked it! I always figured that Severus's hatred for Muggles had to come from somewhere, and it would make sense for it to come from his father, much like Voldemort, except Voldemort can't love and Snape can. I really did want to limit Lily's involvement in this because although she was really important to his life, I feel like there's a lot more to Severus than just his feelings for her.

Thanks so much for your wonderful review!(:

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